Why should I not visit your country?

[The Seven United]

Why you shouldn't visit the Seven United



Traffic

The Seven United's infrastructure was mass-created in 1998 under the Carter act forming huge highways, catering for the needs of the nation at the time. However, the needs have quadrupled and national holidays are complete traffic gridlock. Train systems, boats and airplanes are being invested more which causes political controversy.




Winter Weather

The Summer of The Seven United is dictated largely by the southern hemispheres jet stream, giving the country dry warm pleasurable Summers. However, in Winter this jet stream amplifies, giving storms of intense magnitude not in wind but in rain. Floods can devastate unprotected villages and towns and making a holiday makers holiday a complete washout and miserable venture, sometimes snow comes but when it comes it can cause infrastructure chaos.





So why should I not visit your country?

[United Socialist Ecuador]

I am in the middle of a Super volcano!

[Coldfield]

Xenophobia, racism (to a lesser extent) and the rampant social ultraconservatism.

[Nouveau Yathrib]

-greenwashed infrastructure,
-chronic but mild water shortage affects every aspect of life,
-frequent heat waves and extreme weather events,
-degenerate urban slum/hippie/DIY vibe to culture,
-cultural conservatism/elitism,
-selective technophobia,
-confrontational attitude between central government and civil society,
-pervasive service-oriented mentality,
-island/refuge mentality due to everything being structured around the capital city,
-moralistic education system and media,
-intersecting system of racial and religious apartheid,
-contrast between the friendliness/politeness/open-mindedness of the people and the fatalism/cynicism/utilitarianism of the society and government.

[Aldina]

There's a war on.

[Gig em Aggies]

Citizens here tend to not like foreigners plus we have lots of crime in certain parts

[Impireacht]

We're fighting in around three or four cold wars right now. Also, if you're a commie be ready to be lynched by an angry mob who thinks you're the devil made real. They hated communism before we went to war, now they're more hated than radical terrorists.

[Democratic East-Asia]

-Communist (if you hate communism)
-somewhat restrictive
-the architecture is rather drab and demeaning.
-everything seems militarized.

[Cyzon Galactic]

You talk smack about Cyzon Corporation and you are shot on the spot.

[Holoska]

Populated by animal-people. Can be very disconcerting, but I suppose you can get used to it.

[New Axiom]

-Outsiders are shot on site at the border
-We have giant radiation storms
-Our food is mostly protein paste, although for holidays special meals are granted
-we have no Internet
-you are just as likely to be kidnapped by a weapons cartel than you are to be abducted by the State Police.

[Brellach]

Why you shouldn't visit the Seven United



Traffic

The Seven United's infrastructure was mass-created in 1998 under the Carter act forming huge highways, catering for the needs of the nation at the time. However, the needs have quadrupled and national holidays are complete traffic gridlock. Train systems, boats and airplanes are being invested more which causes political controversy.

(Image)


Winter Weather

The Summer of The Seven United is dictated largely by the southern hemispheres jet stream, giving the country dry warm pleasurable Summers. However, in Winter this jet stream amplifies, giving storms of intense magnitude not in wind but in rain. Floods can devastate unprotected villages and towns and making a holiday makers holiday a complete washout and miserable venture, sometimes snow comes but when it comes it can cause infrastructure chaos.


(Image) (Image)


So why should I not visit your country?

To Those of the Tourism Board of The Seven United, My name is Mila Dro and I run the Brellachi Tourism Office. I write this letter to you in my best English to mention your latest advertising campaign - specifically, the "Why you should not visit The Seven United" I just saw. I feel that your campaign is not very well thought out, and may in fact deter tourists from visiting your country, so I think that you may wish to consider scrapping it for a better campaign. I have run the Brellachi Tourism Office for several years now and I feel that I could help you come up with a more positive, more effective message to send to the world, and would gladly help you if you wished. I can certainly think of several this moment that would be much better than "you should not visit us" - such as perhaps "you SHOULD visit us"! Brightest blessings and best luck, Mila Dro Brellachi Tourism Office

[Astana States]

Rampant xenophobia, death squads and angry mobs running around, a police state, and general unpleasantness.

[Nordkerry]

High crime rate, rude people, rampant misogyny and growing religious radicalism.

[Victorious Decepticons]

Just Getting Here Requires Safely Getting Through Hordes of Raiders

Cybertron is a very populated and active planet - and the activity often involves going into, and coming home from, raids on other planets. This means that there is always a swarm of raid gangs in near-space around our planet. And if they see you, they'll think of your ship as a nice piece of extra loot. This makes simply getting here at all a hair-raising exercise in extreme risk.

If You Manage to Make it Through the Gauntlet to Planet Cybertron Uncaptured

There Isn't Any Crime
But That's Because What You Probably Call Crime is Entirely Legal Here

Bring your blasters, missiles, and heavy artillery - because you're going to need it! There are no laws against taking your money, stealing your spaceship, capturing you and selling you into slavery, stepping on you to see if humans really just mash underfoot, or even against using you as a baseball!

Of course, blasting those who try to do any/all of those things is also legal. So bring those weapons, and plenty of ammo, too!

There Aren't Any Cops

Cops are anathema to a people that has built a giant civilization on raiding and are very thoroughly banned. Don't even try to call for any, because there aren't any to call. So like we said, bring your weapons - and we're not talking about garbage like pistols meant to kill puny humans. We are armored. If your stuff can't blow a giant hole in armor, you're doomed.

There Aren't Any Hospitals, Doctors, or Even Witch Doctors

We don't know how to fix that unnecessarily-complex, fragile thing you call a biological body. To us, such a thing is considered a disposable unit since once it crashes, it's pretty much done with.

Planet Cybertron is Engineered, and One of the Things it's Engineered For is to NOT Support Biological Lifeforms

Oxygen levels here are set to support combustion, not respiration. There's no freely-available water. There's no biological food that hasn't been saturated with biocide prior to importation.

Of course, biologicals can still come here, but if you're one of them, you'll have to bring all life-support stuff along with you. Or choke on our exhaust. Your choice.

Planet Cybertron's Air Looks Beautifully Clear

Too bad for biologicals that we only filter out visible soot. The invisible carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide are left to constantly spew from our exhaust unabated, and make up the majority of the atmosphere.

There Aren't Any Banks

But that won't stop a bunch of people from opening fake storefronts if they think you'd be sucker enough to open an "account."

If You're From a New Planet, You'll Get an Escort Home

...by scouts from raid gangs and syndicate cartographers, that is. The rest of their gangs will be along to hit your refineries later. Of course, they won't admit to being what they are. Instead, they'll be "helpfully ensuring that you make it home safely."

If You Decide to Lower the Danger Level by Going to Decepticon Earth Instead

You'll find beautiful wildnerness, awesomely huge grains growing in fields several miles square, a few mines and oil fields, and a few outposts.

Unfortunately, if you go to those outposts hoping for services, you'll quickly find that they are there to house the Decepticons who work for the mining companies. The kicker is that these Decepticons are overseers and similar personnel...and once they see you, they'll grab you up and you'll become a nice free (of cost) slave for whatever mine they work for!

So You Decided Not to Go to a Slaver Outpost

Stay away from the mines themselves, too. Slaves usually cost 500 Cubes. Every labor-intensive company will be glad to get one for free, despite your total lack of physical upgrades and consequent unsuitability for the level of work involved. If you live for only a couple of months, catching you will still have saved them some money and thereby made their onsite boss look better to the Company.

Okay, So You're Going to Stay in the Woods!

Great if you're a survivalist. Suicide if you aren't. This part is one of the few things that are simple enough. Oh, one thing. Watch out for the wild humans. These are the descendants of the few who managed to escape enslavement and genocide when we invaded Earth.

The catch? Their ancestors were those nutty, paranoid survivalist types that existed just before the Invasion, so their codebase has never been too stable. That paranoia made their ancestors prepared, but that was more of a fluke than them actually being intelligent (they didn't expect US, they expected some sort of Earthian problem like nuclear war).

Expect them to hunt you like an animal due to extreme xenophobia, or if they seem nice, turn out to be complete whackadoodles in some other way. A few have caught onto the fact that inbreeding is bad, so you may end up being a sex slave (if a man) or a baby factory (if not).

On Second Thought, What About These Huge Farms?!

Those belong to Carjack Agriculture/Carjack Biofuels, which grows the grains that feed our billions of slaves and that also makes biofuel-based Energon. The first danger here is just part of their normal operation: At harvest time, massive, mile-wide combines are driven across the fields of genetically-engineered megacrops (how big is big? One ear of corn is bigger than a human!). The Decepticon driving a combine will not see you, so if you're in the way, you'll be mowed down - literally.

It is, however, easy enough to avoid these machines. They're extremely loud, so if you can run well enough, you can make it out of the way before they actually reach you.

Watch out for the lhasa apsos in the biofuels area. You read that right. These cute, friendly, little dogs are the Carjack Biofuels Advance Alert System. They won't harm you at all, but they will bark loudly at your presence - and that will bring the company's Asset Protection Force (militia) flying in. Then THEY will blast you on the assumption that you're there to sabotage the biofuel production. Best bet is to obey the Keep Out signs on the fences around protected areas.

Other than that, the farms are pretty safe, but you may find it a bit jarring to know that the owner's nickname is The Genocider, and that this title is very well-earned. Strangely enough, General Carjack probably won't add you to his kill count as long as you're very respectful, both to him and his crops. If you show some interest in horticulture on top of that, he might even give you stuff. Just don't anger him, or that congeniality will change in one fast and lethal flash of his blaster.

This concludes the specially-prepared Visiting Victorious Decepticons Warning Pamphlet, published by the Cultural Liaison's Office. We recognize that it is strange for a tourism-oriented agency to list all of the dangers of coming anywhere near its nation, but in an uncharacteristic display of ethics, we have come to the conclusion that it's best to be honest lest our beautiful Metal Planet be contaminated by an excess of biological corpses or our offworld mines clogged with unupgraded humans that can't keep up with the extreme demands of their new positions.

That said, if you believe you have the mental wherewithal and physical stamina to survive the Ultimate in Danger Tourism, we await your call to arrange for official permission to enter the most unique destination in the universe. You can rest assured that you will be visiting a place that, unlike mere war zones and famine areas, has not been visited by more than a handful of others.

[Randsbeik]

High risk of both radiation poisoning and getting shot.

Crime and poverty.

Drugs.

[Emperio Maharlika]

We're basically Singapore but more nationalist and this time everything is google-translated to Filipino

[Carmini]

Carmini is a beautiful, successful country, with a mix of Renaissance and modern architecture, and has one of the highest per capita rates of millionaires and billionaires of any country. It is a very liberal country - both socially, and economically - and is considered to be an easy, cheap place to do business.

However, being a small island city-state, it is incredibly crowded (with a population density of 18,831/km₂, among the highest in the world). Owing to its small size and crowded nature, there are few roads, with most being pedestrianised, and so the primary ways to move around are either on foot, bicycle, monorail (which encircles the island), or boat (around the coast, obviously), and the cobbled walkways can make it difficult for people with physical disabilities to get around.

Despite the affluent nature of much of the population, it also has one of the largest rich-poor divides in the world - when you are poor in Carmini, you are very poor. Real-estate - and thus hotel rooms - are priced very highly, and as most food is imported, cost of living (and visiting) Carmini is also high. It is not a place to visit if you aren't quite well-off.

Moralists and conservatives would be best to avoid the state too, as despite its laissez faire economy and monarchical government, it is a very socially liberal state, with strong guarantees for the rights of minorities and LGBT+ groups, and few 'social morality' laws - public nudity on the warm island is common-place and accepted.

[Devernia]

-Frequent rain. The climate in Devernia is exceedingly rainy, with storms hitting the city at least once a week and at least a slight shower per day. Thankfully, the rest of Devernia isn't that rainy, but Gaerson is the capital and therefore one of the more visited areas, making it known worldwide for its rains.
-Social liberalism. Conservatives coming here aren't going to like what they see; weed is legal (though regulated), public nudity is legal, incest is legal, etcetera.
-Tourists that prefer 'the simple way of life' as opposed to most modern conveniences will find themselves in a country that's the exact opposite to those principles.
-Nuclear power is the most common source of power in the nation, with wind power coming next. GMOs are plentiful and 'organic' food is rare here. Reproductive cloning is also legal (but regulated for obvious reasons). Basically, most controversial lines of research are legal here and are even occassionally subsidized by the government.
-Our president is literally an AI.

[Dytarma]

Crime. All I need to say.

[Marnady]

because you do not want to disappear overnight.

[Arkiasis]

It's expensive as fuck.

Arkiasis has one of the highest costs of living in the world. So a night out at a restaurant will set you back the equivalent of $200. And that's just for 2 people.

[Of the Democratic Party]

Socialism. Unless you like socialism.

[Setgavarius]

Setgavarius has volcanoes, hurricanes and vast deserts; cities which are located inside airtight domes on airless craterballs covered in a mix of ice and silicates; trillionaire criminals who attempt to destroy the planet's cities; a very active porn industry; and a high birth rate and is "expensive" to live in.
You shouldn't visit because of our satirists. They cause offworlders to enter major depression.

[Jovian Socialist Republic]

We just migrated to Greenland from Siberia after a big war. So if you want to visit, expect to be staying in a snowy campground, not a 5-star hotel.