[1st Draft] Endangered Species Protection Act

[Vaegir-Swadia]

This is the first draft of a bill idea I had. Any feedback is appreciated. This is also my 3rd proposal, and 1st with any idea on how to do one though i'm sure it still looks terrible

Category: Environmental
AOE: All Businesses

Nations of the World Assembly;

It is a well-known fact that we share our communities with many other species. It is also known that often times our activities affect those creatures. In the interest of preserving species for future generations, we of Vaegir-Swadia present the following policies:

Section I: The Endangered Species List.

Article I:
This bill shall crate an endangered species list (from now on referred to as the Endangered list). This list defines what species are subject to the policies in Section II

Article II:
Any species that meet any of the following endangerment's shall be added to the Endangered list:
1. Having a population of less than 50,000
2. Having less than 10,000 mating pairs (animals or plants that are capable of reproduction).
3. Having a range of less than 100,000 acres (40468.564 hectares)
4. Species population decline rate of more than 10% per year
5. Species population decline rate of more than 6% per year due to sentient activity

Section II: Policies enacted on Endangered Species
Article I: Population too low
1. Hunting/fishing of creatures with this endangerment shall be illegal. Individual nations may determine the punishment.
2. Breeding grounds of such creatures must be classified as protected areas.

Article II: Low range area
1. Areas surrounding the creatures natural range that can sustain the creature must be made protected until the creature has at least 100,000 acres total range. If this is not possible, sanctuaries may be created elsewhere and creatures transported to them. This should occur ONLY if the area around them cannot sustain the creature.
2. Logging, mining, burning, or otherwise threatening the creatures habitat shall be illegal. Individual nations may determine the punishment.

Article III: Definitions
Protected areas: Areas designated to have no logging, mining, explosives, burning, etc. present.
Sanctuaries: Areas artificiality created that allow the creature regular food, water, socialization, healthcare, and sanitation.

[Araraukar]

OOC: Welcome to the GA forum!

We tend not to do the whole "article" thing in GA resolutions. It's clunky and often more wordy than it needs to be, and space can be a limitating factor in proposals.

However, I think you should check GAR #66, Endangered Species Protection: viewtopic.php?p=731470#p731470

There's also GAR #267, Sensible Limits on Hunting: viewtopic.php?p=17266501#p17266501

That passed resolutions thread in general is very helpful: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30
And although you seem to have some inkling of how to write a proposal, I'll link to the proposal rules anyway: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=159348

[Vaegir-Swadia]

OOC: Welcome to the GA forum!

We tend not to do the whole "article" thing in GA resolutions. It's clunky and often more wordy than it needs to be, and space can be a limitating factor in proposals.

However, I think you should check GAR #66, Endangered Species Protection: viewtopic.php?p=731470#p731470

There's also GAR #267, Sensible Limits on Hunting: viewtopic.php?p=17266501#p17266501

That passed resolutions thread in general is very helpful: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30
And although you seem to have some inkling of how to write a proposal, I'll link to the proposal rules anyway: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=159348

OOC:

Thank you for your feedback!

I did as you suggested and read GAR #66 and GAR #267.

I think that while my bill and #66 share similarities, particularly in the fact that both create an organization. Perhaps I could write my bill to work alongside or as an addition to GAR #66

While hunting regulation is touched on by my bill, it does not seem that they have more in common than that.


I realize that my proposal is wordy, while I could remove that introduction, I'm not sure what else could be done.

Overall, I believe that a rewrite to accommodate GAR #267 would be the best way to improve my bill based on your feedback.

[Araraukar]

OOC: Ok, so there's no format you have to follow 100%, but right now all the "article"s make it hard to read. Take the ones I linked to as examples of how to structure your proposal.

You'll want to open with "The World Assembly" or "The General Assembly", and avoid anything to do with your nation or region or character, because any of those in the proposal will make it illegal (against the proposal rules).

Then comes what is called "preamble". It's usually written so that its clauses start with verbs like "believing", "understanding", or adjectives like "aware of" or "appalled". The preamble is there for you to convince others why this proposal is a good idea and why the stuff in it isn't already covered by existing resolutions.

Then it's common to use the word "Hereby" to imply that what came before was non-binding preamble, and what follows, are the binding clauses.

If and when you need to define things that you're going to be referring to in your binding clauses, put them after "hereby" and before the clauses that use them. If you don't use something you define, remove the definition, it's just taking up space.

The binding clauses often start with verbs as well, like "mandates", "requires", "bans", or for milder language "urges", "encourages", "suggests".

Make sure nothing in your text contradicts or majorly duplicates anything in previous resolutions, that's also an illegality.

Additionally, you can't write your proposal so that if the existing ones were repealed, yours wouldn't have a leg to stand on. That's referred to as House of Cards (HoC) and is also illegal. For the same reason you shouldn't name existing resolutions in the text.

[Vaegir-Swadia]

OOC: Ok, so there's no format you have to follow 100%, but right now all the "article"s make it hard to read. Take the ones I linked to as examples of how to structure your proposal.

You'll want to open with "The World Assembly" or "The General Assembly", and avoid anything to do with your nation or region or character, because any of those in the proposal will make it illegal (against the proposal rules).

Then comes what is called "preamble". It's usually written so that its clauses start with verbs like "believing", "understanding", or adjectives like "aware of" or "appalled". The preamble is there for you to convince others why this proposal is a good idea and why the stuff in it isn't already covered by existing resolutions.

Then it's common to use the word "Hereby" to imply that what came before was non-binding preamble, and what follows, are the binding clauses.

If and when you need to define things that you're going to be referring to in your binding clauses, put them after "hereby" and before the clauses that use them. If you don't use something you define, remove the definition, it's just taking up space.

The binding clauses often start with verbs as well, like "mandates", "requires", "bans", or for milder language "urges", "encourages", "suggests".

Make sure nothing in your text contradicts or majorly duplicates anything in previous resolutions, that's also an illegality.

Additionally, you can't write your proposal so that if the existing ones were repealed, yours wouldn't have a leg to stand on. That's referred to as House of Cards (HoC) and is also illegal. For the same reason you shouldn't name existing resolutions in the text.

Thank you. I will be sure to use this if I write a 2nd draft, or in future proposals.

[Araraukar]

Thank you. I will be sure to use this if I write a 2nd draft, or in future proposals.

OOC: Also I suggest that if and when you write a 2nd draft, put the current one into a spoiler underneath the new one. It lets people see what was changed and how the proposal has evolved.

[Imperium Anglorum]

Thank you. I will be sure to use this if I write a 2nd draft, or in future proposals.

OOC: Also I suggest that if and when you write a 2nd draft, put the current one into a spoiler underneath the new one. It lets people see what was changed and how the proposal has evolved.

OOC: Please don't do that. The amount of BBCode which is generated by doing this makes it extremely hard to read the draft or respond to the draft. If you really want to keep past copies, but them in a different post.

[Araraukar]

OOC: If you really want to keep past copies, but them in a different post.

OOC: Or do that instead. Whichever you find easier. Just make sure the newest draft is the one visible in the first post.