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The world of the Infinites is full of excitement and danger. Costumed supervillains wielding great and terrible power run rampant. Crime continues to plague society. Rising to face these dangers are the Infinites. A national organization of superheroes who have vowed to use their superhuman powers for truth, justice, and the American way, the Infinites fight for the common man. They have saved the day countless times from all kinds of evils. The Infinites are real life superheroes. This story is about their adventures... sort of...
Originally the Infinites fought evil across the entire country, but soon it became clear that it was simply too big for them to cover. Thus new superhero recruits went on to form the West Coast Infinites. Before long numerous superhero groups were formed to protect the country, the Midwest Infinites, the Pacific Northwest Infinites, the Canadian Infinites, the Quebec Infinites, the Texas Infinites, the Southern Infinites...
Meet the heroes of our story, the Minnesota Infinites. The ninth or tenth greatest team of superheroes in the country. They may not be A-listers, or B-listers, or even C-listers, but they still have days of saving the country. So long as the other superheroes are all busy. They may not get good press, or any press, and they may not have their own line of action figures or corporate sponsorships, but they are heroes who truly care about justice. Mostly. Probably...
THE INFINITES - The Lamest Heroes RP takes place 1 year after the infamous ending of the last go-round, "The Infinites, the 9th or 10th greatest superhero team..."
If you're reading this, you're either super-bored, or you were part of the first group of Minnesota Infinites. Or both. You probably want to know what happened at the cliffhanger ending of that RP's conclusion, huh?
Ok. It's kind of like this. And remember, this is a different OP writing who had no clue what the other OP was doing. So... with that in mind... I can tell you how I saw it resolving...
- During the battle with Wraith and the drones, Wraith had been turned stupid and the drones immobilized. Pryce the inventor put a mind-shackling invention on her, neutralizing both her and the psychotic villain talking in her head. The battle was over.
- The Minnesota Infinites were trusted. However, they were still quite pathetic and useless at taking on the brand name villains. So they were sent back to Orient, Minnesota.
- Since then, the other Infinites have gone back to ignoring them. I suppose there is some controversy in the world at large over the Nightshade funeral massacre. But our Minnesota Infinites haven't been contacted about what's going on. My guess is that the other real Infinite groups forgot they were around, or needed extra memory space in their phones, so they deleted the contact information for Captain Calculator. Either way, what's happening on the national scene regarding superheroes is regarded as being out there somewhere, with no crossover to what's happening in Orient. None of this traveling across the country to take on national threats or archenemy villains who could level cities with their powers in this version of the reboot RP.
- The Minnesota Infinites also haven't seen any instance of backlash against superheroes back at home. The nice folks of Orient, Minnesota, think differently. More apathetic about the national scene. And in general, just only slightly annoyed at the Minnesota Infinites for their lack of being able to help them in minor situations. In other words, it's going to be the Minnesota Infinites back to normal.
- The other Minnesota Infinites who did not show up for the reboot, including Kendall Mueller, all left town to get jobs as tour guides in various other places.
- And that brings us to today.
Shawn Glitzky - aka, Glitch
Destiny, man. It's the fate of the world and yourself, all wrapped together like some really rush-job electrical cord clean-up, where the wires are goin' this way and that, and knots are all over the place, and then when you try to plug it in, all that you get distance-wise is like an extra 2 feet with a huge tangle in the middle. Yuh know? That's destiny. And destiny was going to show its orange, tangled, electrical cord face to us (if electrical cords had faces, I guess) really soon.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Allow me the intro. My name is Glitch. I'm called that because I can make things suck so they won't work. And I can make people dumb, but that's kind of unpredictable sometimes. Actually, my real name isn't Glitch. My real name is Shawn. That's 'Shawn', with an 'n' and without a 'q'. Glitch is only my super name, dude. Though someone once told me that Glitch is an actual name people in Indonesia use, I guess, except it's mainly a name that old farts have who have been retired for 60 years. And in that language, the name "Glitch" means "Man-Who-Sees-A-Mountain-And-Tries-To-Plant-A-Rice-Paddy-On-It-But-Gives-It-Up-For-More-Lucrative-Dental-Hygiene-Positions-That-Offer-Better-Health-Benefits-So-He-Can-Feed-His-Not-So-Starving-Family-Who-Likes-Cheese." But I digress. I'm really a hero. I'm smarter than the Hulk, faster than Robin, and cheaper than Iron Man. I am Kryptonite to Spiderman, only I'm a hero and wouldn't fight any one of these guys. In fact, I'm the world's greatest superhero that has ever lived and ever will live. The world just doesn't know it yet.
I'm also the narrator of this fine story, that begins in the small but very friendly town of Orient, Minnesota. That's because this small town that you'd have to want to come here to end up here, is the secret home of my super-group, the Minnesota Infinites. It's the bomb! Ok, technically, we're not that well known yet. And also, technically, the people that do know about our awesome abilities and save-the-world powers, for some reason haven't been moved by our powers to herald our awesome exploits, yuh know? But our day is coming. I can sense it. It feels like a buzzing feeling in your head, and gets more powerful the more energy drinks you have. I've had 4 today already. Someone might say it's just caffeine. But I know better. Destiny doesn't come in a can.
As narrator, I get to tell you about that fateful evening when everything started, and Destiny came along (not in a can), coming to our meeting place, the town Legion Hall of Orient, room 2. We try to meet here every Thursday at 7. We can't have room 1, because that's where the local Alcoholics Anonymous group meets, but it is kind of fun to pass through all these people to get to our meeting spot in room 2. Some nights are fun, especially when one of us or one of them gets in the wrong room by mistake. But our meetings are important. They keep us together, keep us focused, keep us informed about the evil villainy and other horrendous wicked things that need our attention, and direct us to be the best super heroes we can be. It all began like this...
Orient, Minnesota Town Legion Hall, room 2 - The Headquarters of The Minnesota Infinites (on Thursdays at 7 pm).
A scrawny, short middle aged man with glasses that resembled old glass soda pop bottle bottoms, with a badly outdated plaid suit that looked like it had been bought used in the early 80's, but was really from the late 60's and had seen better decades. But this was no ordinary outdated suit! It was also equipped with a pocket protector and several pens, stood up in it. And there was more to this man - he was also wearing a black and silver spandex hood over his head (and under his glasses), complete with eyeholes. A super mask if there ever was one. He said (in a rather nasally voice): "Welcome to tonight's meeting. A special welcome to our new recruits. We're glad you're here. I'm the leader of the Minnesota Infinites, Captain Calculator. And I also am the chairman for our meetings. First things first. Can we get a treasurer's report?"
A guy stood up. Nondescript is the best term for him, because he was the kind of person that if you looked at him for hours and tried to describe him later, you would find that your mind had gone to sleep and you ended up describing someone who looked like Elmer Fudd. Boring was an understatement. And it's not that putting him in a costume would make him stand out any more. This was his costume. Now that you looked at him closer, you could see some kind of generic super symbol on his chest, and were those boots? But the thing is, his costume bores people to sleep. His real clothes are even more boring. Perfect thing for a guy with no real powers. "Hey guys. Name's Coathangerman. I'm the treasurer. Um, we still have no real money." Then he sat down.
Calculator got a gentle smile. "Good. Everything's normal, then. What about minutes?"
Another man stood, older, thin, and of all things, having a monacle in his eye. His costume was outrageous, blues, yellows, browns, with the picture of a steaming teacup on his chest. Speaking with an accent that everyone and their dog could easily tell was a faked British accent, he stood up, introduced himself as the secretary, the Teetotaler. And then prescribed to read the previous minutes with badly-attempted British phrases thrown in like "sticky wicket" and "jolly good show." But basically he said that nothing substantial happened. The last 3 meetings. And sat down.
Calculator got another smile. "We're really keeping the trend going tonight, aren't we? Anyone have anything to report? Anyone help get cats out of a tree or something? Anyone defend another person from ultra-violent radiation with sunscreen? Anyone? Hello?" Nothing but the sound of crickets and recovering drunks next door giving testimonies filled the room. "Ok, then. We'll adjourn. Teetotaler brought some cookies for everyone to have while we all socialize here and get to know each other." The old fake British man said, "They're crumpets, my good man, not cookies." To which Calculator responded, "Whatever. Have some crumpets then. Introduce yourselves. And welcome to the Minnesota Infinites, the world's greatest superhero team they just don't know yet."
Meanwhile, across town... in a handily available vacant warehouse...
A group gathered in the semi-darkness. Night owls could be heard outside. Everything else was quiet outside. Inside the abandoned warehouse, all present were clad in costumes, masked men and women of various costumes. Only they were glaring, mouths turning into snarls, breathing getting heavier and more violent, until one of them spoke up saying,
"What?! We have to pay dues again? I thought we already did recently!"
Another spoke, "No Steve. That was last year already. You still owe the club dues for this year. So do the rest of you."
Grudgingly, the man got out his wallet and pulled out the money, putting it into the community basket. The others followed suit. None were happy. The money was the least of their frustrations.
The costumed figure at the podium said, "Thank you, all. We should have enough for awhile. And if we need more, we can always have a bake sale. Those go pretty well. Ahem. Ahem. For the next item of business, it has been requested that we change our name. Apparently, someone thought that the police would get suspicious of our club because we were called, "The Orient, Minnesota Super-Villain Club." I don't know. That is who we are... But I guess, if you want a name change, please vote by a show of hands." Every hand raised up, except the speaker's. He responded, glum. "Ok, then. We'll need to come up with a new name. Obviously we're going to need suggestions. I propose that we take a month to think about what we should be called, and then we can table this 'til next month. Sound good?" General sounds of appreciation came out.
The costumed speaker continued. "Ok. Moving on. We are glad to see the new recruits with us tonight. You are a valuable part of our club. We are happy that you decided to join us, and we hope that you'll continue to come to our next meeting as well. As you well know, we are all fed up with the Minnesota Infinites! We will destroy them! And the world will know us as its champions! Oh, yeah, we'll also be having some refreshments now, and everyone can get to know each other. Meeting is adjourned."