You Know You're ... When ...

[Ulan-Ata]

I saw some lists like "You Know You're ... (your nation) when ..." in a couple of factbooks. Here, you can post your list. (Feel free to add some stuff in case you already posted something and something new came into your mind.)

Gonna start with mine. Attention. My list may contain traces of self-irony and peanuts.

You Know You're Ulan-Atan When ...

... you have already eaten "Ćevapi sweet-sour" (most likely just once in your lifetime).
... you know five different ways to pronounce the name of your hometown.
... you are fluent at three languages which are totally unrelated to each other.
... you mix these languages randomly and call it "dialect" – and you've never met anybody who spoke any language clearly.
... you, no matter which language you primarily speak, spell everything different from its standard variant.
... Jehuhnalem (Chickalia) is your pilgrim destination.
... you jokingly call your home country "the Selakocracy" and immediately look around to check if someone listens.
... there is a red star on your license plate.
... you read the World Census news every morning, read the statistics for Ulan-Ata and suspect the evaluators in the WCB of dyscalculia.
... you are 18, male, play in the Premier League soccer team of your hometown, are Martial Arts champion of your prefecture, tune up your car's motor onto a Formula 1 level (even if it was originally some Soviet scrap box), your room reminds of a command center – but your military unit sends you, for training, into some dark forest with just a shotgun and an axe.
... you are 18, female, have a beauty pageant past – serve in the military, control most modern defense systems, command like a 100,000 of high-tech combat robots, use computers as big as a dragon – but prefer to go to your military base by horse.
... your name or the name of your hometown is contained at least once in every anime you watch.
... you own a pink party card.
... your house has a rooftop café.
... "today" is until you go sleeping, not until midnight.
... the disco next to your house can't stop playing this all night long. For ten years. Just because it proves that Japanese can also do other stuff than the typical J-Pop.
... you celebrate New Year three times a year: January 1 (Calendar New Year), January 14 (Serbian New Year) and early spring (Traditional Japanese New Year).
... you spend half of your monthly income on an air conditioner for your flat, and the other half for repairing it.
... you got at least three machine guns under your bed, another two in your dining room and a gatling gun in your garden.
... you have at least one elderly uncle who owns an estate in the middle of the mountains (or on a lonely island) where he prepares for Total War.

[Huswyae]

You know you're Huswyaen when you speak slow at with the world's largest Shortbread in front of you humming our anthem wearing yellow preaching the amazingness of Lacrott City.

[Longweather]

You know you're Alor when school yard issues become large public debates instead of devolving into violence.

[The Arthurian Isles]

---

1. You do not like making lists.

[Hellgustine Empire]

You know when your Hellgustine when a galactic war breaks out.

[G-A]

You know you're Grimeloidian when...

- ...you mostly think about sports.

- ...you, after work, go to a sports match with your family.

- ...you (male) have a goatee.

- ...you love to eat delicacies, like brigadeiro, for example.

- ...you wake up, you start to do push-ups for no good reason.

- ...you work out while listening to Grimeloidian rock music.

- ...you want to learn even more languages than the ones you already know.

[Chadtonia]

You Know You're Chadtonian...

-when you recite thirteen prayers to 13 gods without even realizing that you are praying.

--when you can't even remember what a Tinamous tastes like.

--when your first job is packing up cheese crates.

[Tinfect]

You know you're Imperial when...

A killer-robot comes barreling down the street, and you're first thought is "When did they change the colour pattern for Internal Security?"

Your team has been pinned down by Artillery Fire for the last three days, and you think that the battle is going well, because your enemy has been wasting rounds on seven guys for the last three days.

When bizzare, unmarked files start showing up on the Archive System, and no one is concerned because it's just the Management AI being creative again.

You watch a movie with absurdly high production values involving space marines fighting alien hordes and blowing up planets, and you come away thinking: "What a qaint little documentary."

You check the city map and see that the closest availible residence to your place of work is 1.7 miles away from it, and you think "Ah, good, Walking Distance."

The only language you speak is a dizzying combination of several languages, but you'll admonish other languages for lacking unity, loanwords, and for just not sounding right.

When an industrial accident rips off your arm, but you're calling a Technician rather than a Medic, and the Technician would rather be trying to fix the machine you managed to break, than installing a new arm for you.

[Ventalia]

You know you're Ventalian when you look for cheese at the corner store and are insulted by the "lack of selection" when they're really just sold out of brie and it serves you right for waiting so late in the day.

[Ivelboria]

You know you're Ivelborian when...

...you go to work an hour early.

...you are capable to speak a minimum of 3 languages (Ivelborian, English, Ambelviseran)

...you can do every sport well.

[Multiversal Venn-Copard]

You know you're Venn or Copard when:

... the three-year-old from down the street tramples several people on accident.

... your office sponsors daily RTS matches between workers during breaktime.

... you're able to name a couple hundred higher-dimensional polytopes off the top of your head.

... the phrase "arbitrarily high speed" doesn't sound strange when you hear it.

... you leave home one morning and, upon coming back, aren't surprised to find that your pet has undergone binary fission.

You know you're in the VCMR navy when:

... everyone on the bridge erupts into cheering when the fleet commander says to "open fire".

... you're fighting alongside a bacteriophage larger than most galaxies.

... the Branch Platform you're escorting gets cut in half by a laser and then just puts itself back together.

... you hear the fractal information overload alarm go off and sigh because you won't be allowed to watch the battle for a few minutes.

... you pay almost no attention to the fact that you're now maneuvering in four-dimensional space.

... your fleet goes into battle against elder deities, all-consuming robot legions, noncorporeal beings, and sentient galaxies, and wins all of these confrontations by just shooting them a lot.

[New Freedomstan]

You know you're Nefreedian when...

... the multitude of cancers developing in your body is the least of your worries.
... you no longer have a home, only easily discarded shelters.
... you fight to the death over a scrap of canned goods.
... you prioritize carrying vodka over old family members when escaping.
... you haven't had fresh food in years.
... the former school janitor reigns with an iron fist over the remnants of your home-town.
... functioning plumbing is becoming a myth.
... you consider totalitarianism an inherently better thing than the present situation.
... you ponder if its worthwhile to teach children to read and write, as that'd take time off from survival and weapons training.
... you use ration numbers in lieu of names.
... you question if the civil war is still ongoing.

[New confederate ramenia]

You know you're Ramenian when...

...after bombing a factory under construction (thats just a Bengazi thing) you spend the rest of your day on the internet shitposting about how North Africans, not Italians, are the true heirs of Rome.
...you call yourself a devout Muslim but you worship Hercules
...you call yourself a devout Christian but you worship Hercules
...someone takes something from your family so you take it back then you and your brother argue over it

[Ndaku]

You know you're Ndakene when you can speak Lingala and dialects of Arabic.

[Great Rosania]

You know you're Rosanian when:

- Your emperor doesn't wear very 'imperial' clothing and sometimes calls people 'dicks'.
- You don't know any SJWs.
- Someone in your town is named "Edwulf".
- You country's flag is misleading.

[Ru-]

You know you're a Ruvian when:

-You order the hottest buffalo wings on the menu, and then pour hot sauce on them.
-Your favorite basketball team missing out on a free agent ruins your summer.
-You play trading card games marketed toward children unironically, and you explain the functions of every single card you play aloud, even if everyone already knows how it works.
-You ever had your tail accidentally slammed in car door (ouch!)
-You're still laughing at and sharing an internet meme that everyone else got sick of 5 years ago.
-You barely speak to the waiter but wind up giving him a 25% tip.
-You're surprised to learn that "Game of Thrones" isn't based on a true story.
-You've set off a large amount of fireworks at a family summer BBQ without a shirt.
-You ever caught yourself having waffles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
-A foreigner mistook you for a small child.
-You think dragons are awesome and wish you could breathe fire
-You find yourself organizing the items on the shelves at the grocery store while you are shopping.
-Your favorite wine comes in a box.
-You keep glancing down at your phone during religious service to check up on sports scores.
-You've gotten into a heated argument over which fast food burger place is the best (even though they are all pretty much identical)
-You've severely burnt up the roof of your mouth from eating a pizza.
-You get really excited whenever you meet a human from Philadelphia (because that's where "Always Sunny" takes place)
-You find out your meal will be free because you ordered their special "eating challenge" menu item without realizing it, and then won.

----
"I spend 3 mana to activate the spell card Arcane Intellect! This card allows me to draw 2 more cards from my deck!"
-your reality if hearthstone had voicechat and you were playing someone from Ru.

[The Intergalactic Universe Corporation]

You know you are Galactican when your eyes shine at the slightest opportunity to make money, and you salute the national flag whenever you see it, and you spit at beggars on the street for not trying hard enough to look for a job.

[The Skrall]

You know you're a Skrall when....

- The slightest hint of an upcoming war will make you happy and ready to fight
- The words in your language are all the same plural as they are singular
- Seeing a Vorox makes you hungry instead of scaring you
- You laugh at and make fun of tourists who keep complaining about the sand
- You will sometimes kill and eat a rude or disrespectful tourists and it's perfectly legal
- You have to clean your possessions often because the sand gets all over them
- Your leader fights in the Arena against criminals in a gladiator-style match
- Your leader is a different species from you and is a superior version of your species
- Your leader will wage war sometimes if an enemy leader insults him
- You carry a sword at your waist and a shield on your back whenever you go in public
- You don't understand why you're not allowed to do the above in other nations
- You're not human

[The Intergalactic Universe Corporation]

You know you are a Galactican when chilli excites you, shooting communists is fun to you and trashing unionised public sector workers is another pastime of yours.

[Lazurania]

You know you're Lazuranian When...

... A war breaks out and you either laugh with joy, or cry until your dead bro returns.
... You forget how badass your president is.
... You remember how badass your vice president is.
... Seeing a Prussian makes you cry/angry.
... Seeing a monument dedicated to the 43rd "Lone Star" brigade in Gorlenburg and it makes you cry.
... You hate imperialists.
... You have an urge to gib sandvichs.
... You have an urge to cheeki the breeki.
... You can find out were da sekrit dokuments are.
... You stole from a Prussian military academy.
... You said hello to Death.
... You try to befriend a Versilian vampire.

[Ammerinia]

You know you're in Ammerinia when you find a surveillance device in your cereal.

[Finlarvat]

You know you're Finlarvatian when...

• A fundamentalist Christian website is one of your most popular home-grown e-creations
• Everybody both loves and hates your leaders
• The average pizza at Papa Pallocci's Pizza Pagoda is 5,000 calories and 30 inches wide
• You've been deployed to sort out the situation in Marche Noir, yet turn a blind eye to the fallen Bigtopians
• Your late-night programmes on FIT are made by such real-world companies as NHK, Yorkshire Television and Endemol - in that order. (Note: NHK supply the Midnight News, followed by Emmerdale Farm at 30 past and some sort of Endemol-made production at 1 o'clock, followed by the national anthem at 2 o'clock and then bedtime until Your Breakfast at 6 o'clock)
• You're preparing to go to the polls in ten weeks as a result of sanctions against a nation that no longer exists
• Your nation treats the so-called "NS Stats" as canon unequivocally and universally (except for the population stat, which will soon be fixed at about 200 million people, but for which our government will recognise along with the NS Population Stat so we can get a capital city, leader and faith, even though we already appear to have two of those)
• There's nothing on in the wee hours of the morning except the radio and the utilities, even in the big cities
• Your last list entry reads "Can I go now? For crying out loud, it's seven in the afternoon and I've been working overtime just to buy myself Grand Theft Crocodile V!"

[Impireacht]

You know you're Impirean when...

The sight of your nation's flag makes you hungry.
You wear winter clothing year-round.
Your army still wears trench-coats (occasionally).
You own a variety of weapons.
You've been in the military for at least a year of your life.
You've only married once.
Your personal computer costs over $6,000 NSD
It takes everything in you to stop yourself from killing that guy who's preaching communism.
Radfems make you puke.

[TURTLESHROOM II]

You know you're a TurtleShroomer when:

• When you see talking animals and fungi, but you're sober.
• You're only married once.
• When the doorways are ten feet tall and the ceilings even higher, in all locations, and you don't see it as weird.
• When there are three bathrooms and not two, and you see turtles going in that third one.
• When those nasty floor squat toilets are present but unused except by said turtles, and this is logical.
• When you endlessly debate foreigners on the virtues of deregulation but recoil at the idea of repealing the Prohibition.
• When the latest games are actually demakes, now available on the Game Boy Color.
• When domestically produced 3D printers are the size of refridgerators and run on gasoliene.
• When your business can't afford to import a normal 3D printer so you resort to the gas behemoth.
• When you defend the use of burning at the stake because the victim is first anesthesized and can't feel it.
• When you wanted to be an executioner when you were very little.
• When your parents remember the military goosestepping.
• When your parents recall fascism reigning in their teenaged years.
• When you gather around the radio and listen to "Sherlock" or "Gravity Falls" together.
• When you help your kids install the latest 250MB computer game, one floppy disk at a time.
• When the floppy disks come in an actually floppy varient.
• When kids romantically pair fictional characters together but no one supports a same-sex pairing.
• When you literally have to look down at your feet to talk to a fellow citizen because he's a turtle.
• When you refer to fungi as "he" instead of "it".
• When "Asexual" appears on a gender form but you can't check it because you're human.
• When you're a surgeon and read up on the latest advancements in lobotomization.
• When Dial-Up Accelerators are the cutting edge in software.
• When there's no Internet, only one big FTP and BBS site with gaming features.
• When your computer doesn't get a virus because of the security that FTP site.
• When "Ma Bell" still reigns.
• When your history teacher talks about the Tsars of Russia and the generals of the Confederate States of America in the same course.
• When you played "Khans and Settlers" as a kid.
• When you had to play tag in slow motion to include your turtle friend.
• When cell phones are literally the size of bricks and only your parents have them.
• When your mansion's television sets are in greyscale.
• When "thou shalt not murder" and gunning down Marxists do not conflict.
• When part of growing up is receiving your new spectacles from the government.
• When the hundred seventy year old turtle at the retirement home has a thick Russian accent.
• When all your monitors are CRT and anything else baffles you.
• When your credit card is transacted by sliding it over carbon paper and then making you sign that paper.
• When you take your kids to the gun range to fire a military-grade machine gun and then purchase one to take home, but you don't let the kids touch it.
• When your edgy university radicals are either skinheads or constantly rambling about the NAP.
• When you say "Better Dead Than Red" unironically.
• When you are shocked that humans of different races treat each other, but you're fine with segregating catgirls.
• When you are likely to live your whole life and never see a black human or a Muslim.
• When you know several sentences in Japanese because of your neighbors.
• When "freaking retarded butt crap" is your F-word.
• When the PC you bought for $500 USD sells for $40 USD in most countries.
• When Windows XP is the workhorse machine used in the big offices.
• When you go to the milk bar and ask for raw milk and get it.
• When no one really wants to buy a prostitute's services but mail-order brides are coveted on the black market.
• When the televisions go off at midnight and don't come on until 5:00 AM.
• When the television gets one hundred channels or less.
• When the television requires a behemoth antenna on your roof.

[Mozzarellistan]

Eh, okay. I'll bite.

You know you're Mozzarellistani when...

1. The USSM Ministry of Finance undergoes a full audit of your bank account after you find a $10 bill on the ground, as there is an anomaly in your earnings.
2. You buy a glass of lemonade at a little girl's stand, so the secret police come by and take you both to a gulag to be worked to death for suspected capitalist sympathies.
3. Your family dies of starvation, but the USSM Ministry of Growth & Development wants each Mozzarellistani to support a large and healthy family, so you are assigned to military service by the USSM Ministry of Employment.
4. A gypsy beg you for money, so you give them a $10 bill, and immediately after report them to the USSM Ministry of Finance for having more than their sanctioned wage. That'll teach 'em.
5. You visibly cringe when anyone mispronounces the name of your glorious motherland.
6. You have to decide between paying for food or heat because there's no way you can afford both with your government sanctioned wage.
7. You're new to NSC and you don't know how well you''ll be received by the community.
8. P I Z Z A