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[REMOVED] Commend Klopstock

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The Constellation Islands
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[REMOVED] Commend Klopstock

Postby The Constellation Islands » Mon Feb 15, 2016 8:39 am

EDIT #2:THIS IS THE UPDATED VERSION. Please note the name of the nation nominated has changed.

COMMEND KLOPSTOCK

Category: Commendation | Nominee: Klopstock

Description: The Security Council,

NOTING the number of regions liberated by Klopstock and Klopstock's forces successfully accomplished over the last decade is over 100,

ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts,Asia, Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under hostile occupation had these regions not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

HEREBY COMMENDS Klopstock
Last edited by The Constellation Islands on Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:33 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Postby Ayvari » Mon Feb 15, 2016 9:25 am

http://www.nationstates.net/nation=klopstock

I believe this is his main nation. WA Klopstock is an update puppet.
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The Constellation Islands
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Mon Feb 15, 2016 9:39 am

Ayvari wrote:http://www.nationstates.net/nation=klopstock

I believe this is his main nation. WA Klopstock is an update puppet.


OOC:
Yeah, I was aware of his real account, but wasn't sure of the rules of whether the puppet or the actual real nation gets the commendation.
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Postby Wrapper » Mon Feb 15, 2016 9:43 am

A few issues here:

The Constellation Islands wrote:REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies and Narnia would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by WA Klopstock and his forces,

Okay, it's noble to look out for the little guys, but for someone to earn a commendation, there's got to be more than just helping out reversing a raid in Narnia. And, I don't see any R/D activity at all in UNotJB. Was it just refounded?

The Constellation Islands wrote:PRAISING WA Klopstock's active role as a productive and law abiding member of the World Assembly,

As are many of the 22,760 WA nations in existence. This line adds nothing.

The Constellation Islands wrote:ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with WA Klopstock and his forces present,

Illegal portion underlined. You probably should review the rules of Security Council resolutions before going any further.

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Postby We Are Not the NSA » Mon Feb 15, 2016 11:32 am

The Constellation Islands wrote: As titled, this is a draft, so any constructive criticism would be appreciated. I will make edits before it is submitted. Thank you!

COMMEND WA KLOPSTOCK

I think someone else already covered this, but it's fine for you to target the main nation.
Category: Commendation | Nominee: WA Klopstock

Description: The Security Council,

NOTING the sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts WA Klopstock has achieved,

Successful
ACKNOWLEDGING WA Klopstock's lead position as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO),

This is less to do with the draft than to do with TITO, but I've never understood why one of those first "T" gets dropped. It's not like it ruins the acronym.
REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies and Narnia would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by WA Klopstock and his forces,

One of those regions has been refounded by a member of Auralia, the other is a founderless dump. Also, did Klopstick organize those liberations? I doubt they single handedly liberated them.
CONFIRMING WA Klopstock's belief that all regions are sovereign and independent from foreign forces should the inhabitants so wish,

I've never liked clauses like this one, where it talks about a nation's beliefs. Unless they come directly from the target I don't pay attention to them, since others can't know what ones beliefs are without directly quoting them.
PRAISING WA Klopstock's active role as a productive and law abiding member of the World Assembly,

Meh. I'm an active member of the WA, and I sure as hell don't deserve praise.
BELIEVING that this resolution would empower WA Klopstock and his forces to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

Why would that happen? 10K Islands is already commended isn't it? Besides, defenders shouldn't need moral boosts just to do their jobs.
ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with WA Klopstock and his forces present,

The WA isn't a place, it is an entity, and it is impossible for it to be safe or unsafe.

I don't support this draft, but I could be convinced.
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Postby Benevolent Thomas » Mon Feb 15, 2016 1:19 pm

Klopstock definitely has a more storied history than this. You should try to share more of it.

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The Constellation Islands
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Mon Feb 15, 2016 1:32 pm

Benevolent Thomas wrote:Klopstock definitely has a more storied history than this. You should try to share more of it.

Tries to hide his jealousy.


Exactly, I wrote this draft only containing the ones I knew about. I'll have to do more research before I submit.

However I chose to write the draft now to see all of your reactions to the text/format.
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The Constellation Islands
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:28 am

UPDATED VERSION. Please note the name of the nation nominated has changed.

COMMEND KLOPSTOCK

Category: Commendation | Nominee: Klopstock

Description: The Security Council,

NOTING the decade of sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts Klopstock has achieved,

ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies, Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts, Asia,
Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets,Chisholm ELP Class Revised, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

PRAISING Klopstock's active role as a productive member of the World Assembly for many years, notably as an editor for inter-regional newspaper, the Beacon Reporter,

BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

HEREBY COMMENDS Klopstock
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:25 am

Could you place the updated version in your OP please, easier to find the latest version that way. Spoiler the original if you want to keep that for comparison.
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Postby We Are Not the NSA » Tue Feb 16, 2016 12:35 pm

The Constellation Islands wrote:NOTING the decade of sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts Klopstock has achieved,

'decades worth'? 'peacekeeping and liberating'? <-- suggestions. As it is this sentence is awkwardly structured.
ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies, Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts, Asia,
Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets,Chisholm ELP Class Revised, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

Crossed out some completely unnecessary regions, one of which has been refounded by raider. Maybe replace "unwelcomed occupied control" with "hostile occupation"
PRAISING Klopstock's active role as a productive member of the World Assembly for many years, notably as an editor for inter-regional newspaper, the Beacon Reporter,

What does a newspaper have to do with the WA?
BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

I still think this line is a bit stupid, but whatever.
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The Constellation Islands
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Tue Feb 16, 2016 12:50 pm

We Are Not the NSA wrote:
The Constellation Islands wrote:NOTING the decade of sucessful peacekeeping and liberation acts Klopstock has achieved,

'decades worth'? 'peacekeeping and liberating'? <-- suggestions. As it is this sentence is awkwardly structured.
ACKNOWLEDGING Klopstock's leadership positions in as a Brigadier General in the Founderless Regions Alliance and as Field Commander in the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), and Klopstock's service in The YoungWorld over the span of many years,

REALIZING that The United Nations of the Jelly Bellies, Narnia, Lazarus, Hogwarts, Asia,
Paradoxia, England, Libertarian, Alternate History World, The United Federation of Planets,Chisholm ELP Class Revised, Rome, and Hoenn would still be under unwelcomed occupied control had they not been liberated by Klopstock and the forces mentioned above,

Crossed out some completely unnecessary regions, one of which has been refounded by raider. Maybe replace "unwelcomed occupied control" with "hostile occupation"
PRAISING Klopstock's active role as a productive member of the World Assembly for many years, notably as an editor for inter-regional newspaper, the Beacon Reporter,

What does a newspaper have to do with the WA?
BELIEVING that this commendation would further empower Klopstock and the forces led by Klopstock to assist other regions, without discrimination of their inhabitants, should the native nations desire,

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,

I still think this line is a bit stupid, but whatever.


Thanks for the suggestions. In regards to the newspaper, it's a game wide newspaper, but I can't write that since it's illegal. I'll make a few edits, however, as a whole I think it's pretty good. The last line I can change.
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:57 pm

NSA made a very valid point about this paragraph:

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,


Like him I fail to see how the WA is a safer place with Klopstock present. For example The Black Hawks and DEN are experienced and clever raiders, but I have yet to see them invading the WA or Klopstock keeping us safe from them.

And that's because it's an organisation, not a region.
Last edited by Bhang Bhang Duc on Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Tue Feb 16, 2016 2:02 pm

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:NSA made a very valid point about this paragraph:

ALSO REALIZING that the World Assembly is a safer place with Klopstock and the forces under Klopstock's leadership present,


Like him I fail to see how the WA is a safer place with Klopstock present. For example The Black Hawks and DEN are experienced and clever raiders, but I have yet to see them invading the WA or Klopstock keeping us safe from them.

And that's because it's an organisation, not a region.


Like I said, I'll take it out.
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The Constellation Islands
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Tue Feb 16, 2016 3:50 pm

Please see edit #2 above.

Edit: I will be submitting this draft with any future edits in the next 24 hours.
Last edited by The Constellation Islands on Tue Feb 16, 2016 7:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Solorni » Wed Feb 17, 2016 9:39 am

Personally, I don't feel defending is commending at all. So I hope that actual accomplishments are added.
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Wed Feb 17, 2016 9:58 am

Solorni wrote:Personally, I don't feel defending is commending at all. So I hope that actual accomplishments are added.


What else would you consider an accomplishment?
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:07 am

The Constellation Islands wrote:
Solorni wrote:Personally, I don't feel defending is commending at all. So I hope that actual accomplishments are added.


What else would you consider an accomplishment?

That's the research you should have done. You have the bones of a proposal, but not much meat.
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:51 am

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
The Constellation Islands wrote:
What else would you consider an accomplishment?

That's the research you should have done. You have the bones of a proposal, but not much meat.


Research that I should have done? What are you on about?

What is more noble than defending regions from hostile take over?

Nothing is more "accomplishing", if you don't like that, then this resolution is not for you.
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:26 pm

The Constellation Islands wrote:
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:That's the research you should have done. You have the bones of a proposal, but not much meat.


Research that I should have done? What are you on about?

What is more noble than defending regions from hostile take over?

Nothing is more "accomplishing", if you don't like that, then this resolution is not for you.


Yes and as TWP's Minister for WA Affairs I will be advising my Delegate not to support this proposal if submitted as is and to vote against if it makes it to the vote.

There is not enough in here to warrant a Commend. If you wanted a proposal that stood a chance of passing then you should have found out more about what Klopstock has done other than defending, you know, research.

Noble and accomplishing don't cut it.
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The Constellation Islands
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:33 pm

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
The Constellation Islands wrote:
Research that I should have done? What are you on about?

What is more noble than defending regions from hostile take over?

Nothing is more "accomplishing", if you don't like that, then this resolution is not for you.


Yes and as TWP's Minister for WA Affairs I will be advising my Delegate not to support this proposal if submitted as is and to vote against if it makes it to the vote.

There is not enough in here to warrant a Commend. If you wanted a proposal that stood a chance of passing then you should have found out more about what Klopstock has done other than defending, you know, research.

Noble and accomplishing don't cut it.


This is all information coming from him, edited down thanks to "productive" comments like yours from other SC forum members.

With your logic of "noble and accomplishing don't cut it", then most defenders don't deserve commendations. Either the system or your logic is flawed here.

However it's your choice, and there it is.


Edits: spelling
Last edited by The Constellation Islands on Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby We Are Not the NSA » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:16 pm

The Constellation Islands wrote:
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
Yes and as TWP's Minister for WA Affairs I will be advising my Delegate not to support this proposal if submitted as is and to vote against if it makes it to the vote.

There is not enough in here to warrant a Commend. If you wanted a proposal that stood a chance of passing then you should have found out more about what Klopstock has done other than defending, you know, research.

Noble and accomplishing don't cut it.


This is all information coming from him, edited down thanks to "productive" comments like yours from other SC forum members.

I think I'm going to need clarification on the "coming from him" part. If he was aware that you were writing a commendation of him when he gave you this information, there is no way I can support this proposal.

What BBD is trying to say is that defending, on its own, is not enough to warrant a commendation of a nation. It is true that it is a commendable activity, but it is not a Commendable activity. Most defenders who receive commendations get them for doing things other than defending.
With your logic of "noble and accomplishing don't cut it", then most defenders don't deserve commendations. Either the system or your logic is flawed here.

Umm... You're forgetting the third option here: your logic is flawed. You said it yourself: "most defenders don't deserve commendations." That is why it is your job, as the author, to convince us that Klopstick is one of the defenders who deserves recognition, which you have so far failed to do.
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Postby Benevolent Thomas » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:38 pm

I, for one, believe that defending the sovereignty of regions is a very noble and commend-worthy path. Precedent in the Security Council would suggest that much of the World is in agreement with such a line of thought. If players and regions can be condemned solely for their acts of invasion, then how isn't thwarting these players commendable?
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:45 pm

We Are Not the NSA wrote:
The Constellation Islands wrote:
This is all information coming from him, edited down thanks to "productive" comments like yours from other SC forum members.

I think I'm going to need clarification on the "coming from him" part. If he was aware that you were writing a commendation of him when he gave you this information, there is no way I can support this proposal.

What BBD is trying to say is that defending, on its own, is not enough to warrant a commendation of a nation. It is true that it is a commendable activity, but it is not a Commendable activity. Most defenders who receive commendations get them for doing things other than defending.
With your logic of "noble and accomplishing don't cut it", then most defenders don't deserve commendations. Either the system or your logic is flawed here.

Umm... You're forgetting the third option here: your logic is flawed. You said it yourself: "most defenders don't deserve commendations." That is why it is your job, as the author, to convince us that Klopstick is one of the defenders who deserves recognition, which you have so far failed to do.


I apologize, Klopstock was notified and I then received further information about Klopstock and TITO forces after it was requested by one of the commenters here. My wording was wrong.

As the author, I believe I have provided more than enough information proving Klopstock's worthiness to be Commended. I respect your opinion, and I thank you for your help, but I think Klopstock's decade long service and the regions defended is sufficient for submission.

I agree with Benevolent Thomas, thanks.

Edit: spelling
Last edited by The Constellation Islands on Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby ROM » Thu Feb 18, 2016 7:36 pm

A very Commendable nation, just this proposal lacks so much meat one could call it anorexic. If it ever makes to vote, I'll be voting against.
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Postby The Constellation Islands » Thu Feb 18, 2016 7:55 pm

Rom wrote:A very Commendable nation, just this proposal lacks so much meat one could call it anorexic. If it ever makes to vote, I'll be voting against.


How so?
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Fornax Corporation Chief Executive
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All uses of names (such as "Mr. Nicholas Louis", derived from French scientist Nicolas Louis de Laicalle), company names, technology, or any other possible copyrighted term, name, or image used on NationStates by this nation is strictly for entertainment and Roleplaying (RP) purposes, and by no means is meant for intellectual or copyright infringement, or false identity, and is however used to appreciate said image, term or name by means of Roleplay.

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