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Should all furniture items be restricted to 10lbs/4.5kg?

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Galloism
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Should all furniture items be restricted to 10lbs/4.5kg?

Postby Galloism » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:45 am

It's come to my attention that roughly 29 people in the United States per year are killed by falling furniture, even more than terrorists! Many of the victims are children and the elderly. These furniture builders have blood on their hands for all the people they've killed. We need to take immediate steps to correct all these deaths from furniture.

Here's a source for your perusal.

Over 40,000 hospital visits per year are due to falling furniture, causing a drain on our economy due to all these falling-furniture related injuries and deaths.

So, I propose the following changes:

Restrict all furniture pieces to 10 pounds at a maximum, once fully assembled in all parts under which is customarily held. For instance, on a bed, it would include the weight of the mattress, box spring, frame, and headboard (if all are used consistently).

Furniture, plus the things it is holding (other than beds), should be restricted to 15 pounds. There will be periodic mandatory in-home inspections to ensure furniture owners are not overloading their furniture where it can cause a danger to themselves and others. We can establish a federal agency with broad authority to enter homes and weigh furniture and its contents at any time of day or night.

This agency can also weigh individual furniture pieces as they come off the production line to ensure they consistently weigh less than 10 pounds.

We foster the development of carbon-nanotube furniture, and gradually move towards making that mandatory. Government subsidies can be used to help the poor buy furniture.

Given the special danger of televisions (they make up the vast majority of deaths), I suggest televisions over 13 inches be banned unless it can be made in such a way that it weighs less than 5 pounds.

What say ye, NSG?
Last edited by Galloism on Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Ciliath
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Postby Ciliath » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:46 am

This is a satire, and a damn good one at that.
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Postby Tokuopolis » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:46 am

I thought you meant making them cost £10 maximum. What a world that would be!
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Qanchia
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Postby Qanchia » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:47 am

Not feasible, as some furniture costs more than £10 to make.

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Empire of Donner land
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Postby Empire of Donner land » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:47 am

Fucking chairs killed my great grandmother.

#MakeFurnitureLoseWeight
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Rock Lobsters
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Postby Rock Lobsters » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:49 am

I don't know how you can make Washing Machines, Stoves, or Fridges less then 10 pounds. Or Beds for that matter.
What do you call a greedy lobster?
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Galloism
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Postby Galloism » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:49 am

Qanchia wrote:Not feasible, as some furniture costs more than £10 to make.


Tokuopolis wrote:I thought you meant making them cost £10 maximum. What a world that would be!


Fixed the title for more clarity.
Venicilian: wow. Jesus hung around with everyone. boys, girls, rich, poor(mostly), sick, healthy, etc. in fact, i bet he even went up to gay people and tried to heal them so they would be straight.
The Parkus Empire: Being serious on NSG is like wearing a suit to a nude beach.
New Kereptica: Since power is changed energy over time, an increase in power would mean, in this case, an increase in energy. As energy is equivalent to mass and the density of the government is static, the volume of the government must increase.


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Valystria
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Postby Valystria » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:50 am

An interesting proposition, one that would certainly spur research and development of lighter manufacturing materials. Lighter consumer products would be a boon to society.

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Ostroeuropa
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Postby Ostroeuropa » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:50 am

I think the regulation may have merit, but periodic mandatory inspections is unnecessary. Simply make it so the owner is at fault if someone is injured by their furniture and that furniture weighs above 10 pounds.
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Postby The Serbian Empire » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:50 am

How are we going to make it light enough for heavy objects. Even more baffling is how to make it strong enough to hold up 400 pound Big Bertha.
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Rock Lobsters
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Postby Rock Lobsters » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:52 am

The Serbian Empire wrote:How are we going to make it light enough for heavy objects. Even more baffling is how to make it strong enough to hold up 400 pound Big Bertha.

Simple, we put Big Bertha on a diet and give her liposuction to make her Petite-Bertha.
What do you call a greedy lobster?
A selfish shellfish, obviously!

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Postby Vassenor » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:53 am

Yeah, how do you intend to ensure structural stability under conditions of heavy load?
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Galloism
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Postby Galloism » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:53 am

Vassenor wrote:Yeah, how do you intend to ensure structural stability under conditions of heavy load?

Heavy loads are part of the problem. Themselves, they would be illegal.
Venicilian: wow. Jesus hung around with everyone. boys, girls, rich, poor(mostly), sick, healthy, etc. in fact, i bet he even went up to gay people and tried to heal them so they would be straight.
The Parkus Empire: Being serious on NSG is like wearing a suit to a nude beach.
New Kereptica: Since power is changed energy over time, an increase in power would mean, in this case, an increase in energy. As energy is equivalent to mass and the density of the government is static, the volume of the government must increase.


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Galloism
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Postby Galloism » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:55 am

Ostroeuropa wrote:I think the regulation may have merit, but periodic mandatory inspections is unnecessary. Simply make it so the owner is at fault if someone is injured by their furniture and that furniture weighs above 10 pounds.

That's insufficient. Without periodic random inspections, people will still be injured and killed by furniture that's outside regulation.

We can't put a price on public safety.
Venicilian: wow. Jesus hung around with everyone. boys, girls, rich, poor(mostly), sick, healthy, etc. in fact, i bet he even went up to gay people and tried to heal them so they would be straight.
The Parkus Empire: Being serious on NSG is like wearing a suit to a nude beach.
New Kereptica: Since power is changed energy over time, an increase in power would mean, in this case, an increase in energy. As energy is equivalent to mass and the density of the government is static, the volume of the government must increase.


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Polar Svalbard
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Postby Polar Svalbard » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:57 am

Galloism wrote:
Vassenor wrote:Yeah, how do you intend to ensure structural stability under conditions of heavy load?

Heavy loads are part of the problem. Themselves, they would be illegal.

So... wait, that would mean that people can't sit on them. If we're going this route wouldn't it be easier to just ban almost all furniture and sit around on pillows?
Last edited by Polar Svalbard on Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Shan Yue
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Postby Shan Yue » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:58 am

It would be easier to insulate our clothing with bubble wrap. We would walk and sound funny, but have some protection against our decor and appliances without radically impacting the forms of home furnishing.
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Great Nepal
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Postby Great Nepal » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:59 am

I was 99% certain this was another of IM's thread...
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Last edited by Great Nepal on Sun Nov 29, 1995 7:02 am, edited 1 time in total.


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Galloism
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Postby Galloism » Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:59 am

Polar Svalbard wrote:
Galloism wrote:Heavy loads are part of the problem. Themselves, they would be illegal.

So... wait, that would mean that people can't sit on them. If we're going this route wouldn't it be easier to just ban almost all furniture and sit around on pillows?

That's a good point - pushing a more japanese style would be more efficient and safer.
Venicilian: wow. Jesus hung around with everyone. boys, girls, rich, poor(mostly), sick, healthy, etc. in fact, i bet he even went up to gay people and tried to heal them so they would be straight.
The Parkus Empire: Being serious on NSG is like wearing a suit to a nude beach.
New Kereptica: Since power is changed energy over time, an increase in power would mean, in this case, an increase in energy. As energy is equivalent to mass and the density of the government is static, the volume of the government must increase.


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Valystria
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Postby Valystria » Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:00 pm

Galloism wrote:
Ostroeuropa wrote:I think the regulation may have merit, but periodic mandatory inspections is unnecessary. Simply make it so the owner is at fault if someone is injured by their furniture and that furniture weighs above 10 pounds.

That's insufficient. Without periodic random inspections, people will still be injured and killed by furniture that's outside regulation.

We can't put a price on public safety.

Actually;

Galloism wrote:Furniture, plus the things it is holding (other than beds), should be restricted to 15 pounds. There will be periodic mandatory in-home inspections to ensure furniture owners are not overloading their furniture where it can cause a danger to themselves and others. We can establish a federal agency with broad authority to enter homes and weigh furniture and its contents at any time of day or night.

These random home inspections would carry immense secondary benefits to society. No longer would people casually leave their apartments or homes in a mess, as they wouldn't want to risk having the mess seen during an unexpected inspection. Parents would raise their children more appropriately knowing that at any moment a home inspector could show up. We would all live our lives better knowing that home inspectors will periodically show up to ensure our furniture remains within regulatory limits.
Last edited by Valystria on Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Washington Resistance Army » Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:00 pm

Great Nepal wrote:I was 99% certain this was another of IM's thread...
What kind of mushrooms did you have for Christmas dinner, Galloism?


The infected kind 8)

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Postby Saiwania » Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:00 pm

Rock Lobsters wrote:I don't know how you can make Washing Machines, Stoves, or Fridges less then 10 pounds. Or Beds for that matter.


It simply can't be done, unless you try to make it out of a material that simply won't be durable such as Styrofoam or cardboard.

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Polar Svalbard
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Postby Polar Svalbard » Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:00 pm

Galloism wrote:
Polar Svalbard wrote:So... wait, that would mean that people can't sit on them. If we're going this route wouldn't it be easier to just ban almost all furniture and sit around on pillows?

That's a good point - pushing a more japanese style would be more efficient and safer.

But then we have to worry about Godzilla attacks, or more likely, men in rubber suit attacks
Last edited by Polar Svalbard on Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Galloism
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Postby Galloism » Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:00 pm

Shan Yue wrote:It would be easier to insulate our clothing with bubble wrap. We would walk and sound funny, but have some protection against our decor and appliances without radically impacting the forms of home furnishing.

This could be done as an additional form of protection. I will consider your proposal as an adjunct to mine.
Venicilian: wow. Jesus hung around with everyone. boys, girls, rich, poor(mostly), sick, healthy, etc. in fact, i bet he even went up to gay people and tried to heal them so they would be straight.
The Parkus Empire: Being serious on NSG is like wearing a suit to a nude beach.
New Kereptica: Since power is changed energy over time, an increase in power would mean, in this case, an increase in energy. As energy is equivalent to mass and the density of the government is static, the volume of the government must increase.


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Kannap
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Postby Kannap » Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:01 pm

Why stop there? I say we should ban furniture altogether. Also, as a person who is allergic to Penicillin - which causes 399 deaths per year in the United States - I vote that we also ban Penicillin.
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Postby Polar Svalbard » Sat Dec 26, 2015 12:01 pm

Saiwania wrote:
Rock Lobsters wrote:I don't know how you can make Washing Machines, Stoves, or Fridges less then 10 pounds. Or Beds for that matter.


It simply can't be done, unless you try to make it out of a material that simply won't be durable such as Styrofoam or cardboard.

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