Many months ago a tiny nation known as Moldavia (we have our own guide book! This we are very proud of!!) was invaded by a group of nations known as LKE. The LKE promised peace and prosperity and a forum to discuss things and promised all manner of wonderful things if only we were to bow down and accept someone who was a king called Lucius. The Moldavians being a plucky bunch of semi crazed war addicted mental cases refused on the grounds that they liked a scrap and no one had ever really paid any interest in us before.
Then dark times came for Moldavia. Sweeping into our war torn and sticklebrick strewn landscape came mighty nations, many with big long scary names, and they told the poor poor Moldavian people that they were in charge. And everything. The glorious nations of Moldavia Squabbled and squabbled about how best to deal with these rude interlopers to our great land but alas, as the Shrews of Shrewtopia lay dormant and their numbers were few so nothing could be done.
Pleas were made in their (heavily censored) forum space and some Moldavians were heavily censored when they drew a few interesting interpretations of some LKE Members intertwined with Dinosaurs in a way nature never intended but eventually, alas, the pleas fell upon deaf ears. LKE simply wouldn't budge. King Lucy had a new jewel in the crown he sent off for after collecting 6 issues of Bunty (and sending £2.99 to cover postage) and that was that.
***Seriously, we're only just beginning here, go watch something on YouTube! I saw a dancing Cow on there and it was awesome***
Then! as if from legend a tiny tiny scratching sound could be heard. Some rubble was shifted and a pair of tiny beady little eyes looked out upon their green and lush lands and saw that all was not well. All was about to get much much better however as the Noble Shrews of Shrewtopia (ALL IS WELL!) had awoken and were about to put things to the right. Wresting control of the collossal juggernaught of power that was LKE the Shrews were displeased with how they had treated Moldavia and gave them 24 hours to get out of Moldavia.
With the quote of
as issued by The Dominion of Onderkelkiax, the mean people of LKE were forced to accept that Moldavia was a place that very few people wanted to go, let alone stay for crying out loud."Oh My. LKE forces pull out"
Shrewtopia rejoiced and got back to building another Mecha-Shrewzilla out of sticklebricks and Femto-Tech goodness.
***Still reading? What the hell is wrong with you?***
Spin on 3 years to recent events. That's right 3 whole years. 3 Summers and 3 Winters and 3 sets of Chocolate Eggs!
Moldavia slumbered. The land, once awash in the glowing remains of thermo-nuclear explosions and bits of sugar puffs, lay dormant. But not for long!
Swooping from Lazarus, once again the forces of LKE swept into Moldavia with a vengeance. Eager for revenge after the drubbing they received the last time. With a mighty cry of victory The Dominion of Onderkelkiax said...
"Greetings Natives! The Land of Kings and Emperors (abbreviated as the LKE) is an expansionist imperialist region of which I am Defence and Intelligence Minister for. A long time ago your region was attracted to our attention and I planned a strategy for its conquest. This strategy has succeeded."
...and the only nation of Moldavia that wasn't sleeping off 200 pints of stuff, the noble and slightly deranged The Jingoistic Policies of Phthisis tried to parlay with them, beseachign them not to make the same mistake they made the last time and allowing their Hubris to get the better of them. LKE would have none of it and Moldavia was theirs for the taking.
***You don't give up do you? Blimey you're persistant!***
History was about to repeat itself for the LKE however as once again the mighty two inch high Shrews of Shrewtopia rose from their booze induced slumber and shook off the shackles of LKE oppression.
They pleaded with us, they implored us to accept LKE oppression and have a King called Lucy. 'The Empire of Nothing to see' even sent Shrewtopia a telememegram all wrapped up in a tube of smarties so as to entice us to read it and read it we did (the smarties were lovely)
"Is there any chance we can negotiate for a settlement involving us never bothering you again in exchange for a sentence in the WFE stating Lucius III of the LKE rules the region?"
Shrewtopia squeaked in delight! no-one could ever own or rule Moldavia. It's just not how things are there. People are welcome to visit and even stay (we even sent a personal message to our friend Onderkelkiaxy and gave him chips) but to attempt to rule us? That's bang out of order.
Sure enough...the LKE forces were obliged to leave Moldavia and seek other small places that they could pretend they owned.
A super secret missive was intercepted by a noble shrew spy disguised as a noble shrew spy!
Soldiers are hereby asked to pull out of Moldavia following the return of the founder.
If you are ejected from the region, move your nation from The Rejected Realms back to the LKE or if you have another nation in the LKE, to wherever.
No army, even the Imperial Army of the LKE, however good, can defeat a founder due to game mechanics.
Our flag remains high even if the WFE is false and slanderous against us.
Indeed, we even had an invitation to stay, however we have to be in other parts of the empire.
This was not a retreat but an organised withdrawal.
Good work everyone.
A formal statement will be issued from the Ministry of Defence and Intelligence shortly.
However....Shrewtopia was not to be taken for a liar! The noble Moldavians had driven off the cruel yoke of oppression and they attempted to rectify things by writing a message to LKE helping to clear everything up (especially as Onderkelkiaxy had helped get our world entry book right!). The message took an age to write as the keys on the keyboard were too big for the tiny paws of the shrews but eventually they prevailed and wrote the following...
***Honestly you're almost there now, if you've got this far just carry on. I wont be giving you your lost time back though. The internet has it now.***
The Government of Shrewtopia is pleased that so many nations chose to visit Moldavia and is saddened that so many chose to leave it when we woke up and took the silly flag down.
Shrewtopia is also saddened that our world entry is not to your liking and deemed incorrect in any way. Onder even very kindly corrected a quote on there from the great moments in our history from when you paid us a visit last time! The Shrewtopian scribe that penned the original quote has been...disposed of. We thank Onder for his vigilance in maintaining a pure WFE!
We hope that our factually correct guide book (which we are very proud of) stating that Moldavia has not, will not and won't ever be anything other than fully independant will not cause further offence.
However there must have been an error in the electric as several hours later the message was no longer on the forum of LKE...and furthermore King Lucy was again pretending to be King of Moldavia and had another crown from Bunty (he'd dressed it up in another set of words though).
The Government of Shrewtopia wrote to their friends in the lands of Onderkelkiaxy and asked them why they had taken the message down and only mean oppressive words came back into the speaker tubes in Shrewtopia from none other than Onderkelkiaxy himself...
Dear Shrewtopia
The Ministry of Defence and Intelligence was forced to act on the LKE forum upon order of His Supreme Majesty The Emperor of The LKE and Voivode and Hospodar of Moldavia, Lucius III. You are reminded that in the absence of LKE citizenship, LKE residents can be banned or censored by Forum Administration or the Ministry of the Interior without referral to the Ministry of Justice.
You are further reminded that the Ministry of the Exterior does not consider representatives of parts of the LKE Empire rather than sovereign regions to have diplomatic status, so colonial affairs are instead dealt with by the Ministry of the Interior. As there is no Minister of the Interior, the Ministry of Defence and Intelligence has jurisdiction in your case.
When it comes to The Land of Kings and Emperors region and forum, the security of the region depends on total compliance, and anyone instigating rebellion will be dealt with most severely. Anyone encouraging sedition will be enrounded and disposed of. We hope this meets loyal residents of the LKE Empire in Moldavia well. You are free to apply for LKE citizenship for further protection of the law.
Kind Regards
Onder Kelkia
Minister of Defence and Intelligence
The Shrewtopian Government of course replied to their friend Onderkelkiaxy!
Dear Onder, thank you for your bizarre and wonderfully interesting reply. Shrewtopia would like to draw your attention to the fact that King Lucy does not have any sway whatsever in Moldavia and that it remains free and beyond the control of LKE (though we do have to tip our hat to your continued attempts to annex it).
Shrewtopia will of course have to take this issue to a different zone so that we can set the record straight as to exactly where Moldavia stands.
If King Lucy wants to continue to wear the name of our glorious nation upon his lapels then we will of course see it as a "I've been to Moldavia and had to leave!" badge. He's welcome to come back of course and he's equally welcome to be reminded that he is unable to change our guide and therefore has no power whatsoever.
We do like you though Onder. You have spunk coming back to Moldavia after you were so roundly thrashed the last time by 'THINGS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL' and mention of 'GAME RULES' and other such nonsense. The local Moldavians think that it's such fun we may even claim to own LKE! Of course we'd have no power whatsoever and you can refute it with fact and evidence but as it hasn't stopped you guys I very much doubt that it will stop us.
You make Moldavians smile and that's why we should promote you as Moldavia's official mascot!
Yours, with tiny tiny paws,
Shrewtopia.
Shrewtopia is now confused. LKE say that they own Moldavia but Moldavia has no mention of anything other than their two successive defeats and only our chums in Onder land have stayed behind to throw silly messages with us at each other. Can a land that is as war torn and strategically unimportant as Moldavia be worth the hassle? King Lucy thinks so and he's even now pretending that he owns a nation that he can't edit the Guide Book for (of which we might add, we are very proud).
***This is the last bit now. You've probably wasted five to ten minutes of your life on this.***
The message that Moldavia would like to state is this.
LKE might come into your lands and try to remove all your fun while promising new and shiny toys but remember this. They have a huge military (though they don't command ShrewZilla, no-one does), they have fancy forums and some of them even have big words in their names and scary looking flags. But fear not! When the push came to shove, they were defeated by a handfull of Shrews.
Moldavia is free and it always will be.
We have our own guide book - this we are very proud of!
