The Fanatical Environmental Action Radicals (FEAR), Edifice's most radical environmental lobby, today protested in the city of Edville after King Edward's recent announcement that he would weaponise Antarctica by Christmas. In the light of recent dolphin attacks on tourists at King's Beach, one of the country's favourite tourist hotspots, the King made his announcement from the poop-deck of RMES Awesome, the Royal Edifician Navy's flagship guided-missile destroyer.
"No longer will our people be subject to the ravages of the evil dolphin. Their cunning and despicable acts will not be tolerated, and it is with great pride that today, I announce my plans to combat the dolphin both at home and overseas. I have ordered the Admiralty to immediately commence laying mines in the seas around the entirety of our borders, as well as fitting all HME Coastguard vessels with harpoons and dragnets."
"Furthermore, I have ordered an engagement plan from our Armed Services Committee for protracted exercises and deployment in the Antarctic circle, with the plan to have naval bases in operation on the continent by Christmas 2012. To this date, no other nation seems to be doing anything interesting in Antarctica, and our efforts to convince Japan to stop hunting whales and instead target dolphins have all but failed. We will declare a modest section of the Antarctic continent and surrounding waters as the Edifician Antarctic Sovereign Territory, and uphold the right to vigorously defend this territory from any nation that dares question its legitimacy."
"From Antarctica, we will take our fight to the dolphins and purge our nation of their scourge. No longer will our people have to fear their motives and their deeds. We will fight them on iceberg and at sea! We will fight them at home and afar! We will turn our waters red with the blood of this cetacean menace!"
The announcement was accompanied by the launch of the HMES Serious Sam, the fourth Littoral Assault Vessel commissioned in the past year. Some military analysts have speculated as to the King's intentions, and say that the massive military growth in the nation over the previous two years far exceeds the military budget reported by government.
The Minister for Defence, Commander Jack "Big" Bang, maintained that "as per the June 2012 budget, military spending is at 19%, which is certainly not a figure that foreign powers should be concerned about...", however, a Reuters source from the Department of Defence, who preferred to remain anonymous, pointed to the portion of the national budget set aside for "Spirituality" (29% as per June 2012 figures) as the answer to the dichotomy between apparent military growth and the modest budget reported by the Department of Defence. The source noted that the government has cancelled all education programs for spirituality in schools, as well as privatised or canned the majority of its religious and spiritual portfolio, stating that "Spirituality" is just a cover for a defence 'black budget'. Total military spending far exceeds 40% of the national budget, says the anonymous source within the Department of Defence.
The question of the military "black budget" being disguised within the cloak of government funding for spirituality was raised today with the King during an interview after His announcement over Antarctic deployment: "The subject of spirituality and my funding of it is classified due to national security concerns."
Our source in the Department of Defence was not contactable for further comment.
