The NSG Bulwer-Lytton competition: WINNER ANNOUNCED!

[Forsher]

I know. Which is why my second statement.

This is gonna get really meta if we keep going...

I'd vote for that too.

However, it is actually a good start.

[Yaltabaoth]

This is gonna get really meta if we keep going...

I'd vote for that too.

However, it is actually a good start.

And down the rabbit hole we go...

Yaltabaoth stared with horror into Forsher's eyes, eyes that had grown cold, as cold as the metal pole his tongue had become stuck to when he was but a naive and foolish child... cold as a line he'd already used in a previous post in the same thread...

[Forsher]

I'd vote for that too.

However, it is actually a good start.

And down the rabbit hole we go...

Yaltabaoth stared with horror into Forsher's eyes, eyes that had grown cold, as cold as the metal pole his tongue had become stuck to when he was but a naive and foolish child... cold as the reference he'd already made in a previous post in the same thread...

Forsher flew like a bird bouyed by the pleasant thoughts of a rabbbit pie that awaited him on his return to the sprawling, consuming slums of the Thread... where a dark confrontation awaited him in the form of Yaltabaoth the Alluder.

[The Archregimancy]

Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off...

(Just kidding Archy )

I haven't 'buggered off' - I went to bed. Even mods sleep, you know.

Also, as the self-appointed sole judge of which 10 entries make the shortlist, I have to stay neutral.

But I can assure you that I've read the current entries with some interest - and I'm genuinely impressed.

[The Archregimancy]

Although I suspect this might be closer to Lyttle Lytton (apart from being far too long for it) since it's less puns and silly analogies and more just an absolutely ridiculous opening line.

That counts too - length isn't always everything.

[Blouman Empire]

Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.

[Ariddia]

"Drop your caribou", the man on television had said, somewhat cryptically perhaps, and Joe pondered the deeper meaning of that sentence as he descended -another form of depth- deep down towards the underground train station, which contained a distinct lack of caribou, but which did enable him to think about them, as he idled without purpose -except waiting for his train- on the platform.

[Yaltabaoth]

Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off...

(Just kidding Archy )

I haven't 'buggered off' - I went to bed. Even mods sleep, you know.

Also, as the self-appointed sole judge of which 10 entries make the shortlist, I have to stay neutral.

But I can assure you that I've read the current entries with some interest - and I'm genuinely impressed.

Twas a joke, Mein Fuhrer, merely a joke. As is this

And since when did Mods sleep? I thought you were all transformed into trans-dimensional overlords upon your ascendency to Modhood, and eschewed such feeble human notions as sleep.

Edit: damn you auto-correct, I meant to type "mein", I really did

[Forsher]

Typical bloody NSG, the OP's started a thread and then buggered off...

(Just kidding Archy )

I haven't 'buggered off' - I went to bed. Even mods sleep, you know.

Also, as the self-appointed sole judge of which 10 entries make the shortlist, I have to stay neutral.

But I can assure you that I've read the current entries with some interest - and I'm genuinely impressed.

At the ability of Generalites to create bad opening sentences?

On that note, a large bug appeared and shat in the protagonists face; which was me so as you can tell, I, Claudia am exceedingly unlucky.

[Yaltabaoth]

Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.

Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...

[Blouman Empire]

Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.

Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...

Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG

[Forsher]

Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...

Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG

I read Jennifer Government... And I have a feeling that quote before as I haven't heard of Company.

[NERVUN]

Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.

So... how much you wanna cough up to keep us from mentioning you entering the Boss Man's work in a bad opening sentence competition?

Remembering that he does have the code in the palm of his hand, controls all the Mod tools, and is (generally) able to get [violet] to go along with him...

[Yaltabaoth]

Company? I don't have my copy on hand but I'm pretty sure...

Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG

I spied the cover of Jennifer Government in a library several years ago, read the blurb and thought "what the hell, I'll give it a go". That's how I found Nationstates.

[Blouman Empire]

Monday morning and there is one less doughnut then there should be.


See if anyone gets the reference, for the record I actually enjoy this book so please don't ban me as my entry for the worst opening sentence. I couldn't pick the main book as it gave it away, however, this one Generalities should get.

So... how much you wanna cough up to keep us from mentioning you entering the Boss Man's work in a bad opening sentence competition?

Remembering that he does have the code in the palm of his hand, controls all the Mod tools, and is (generally) able to get [violet] to go along with him...

All I can offer is that I get on my knees and beg for clemency oh and shine his shoes he will be able to shave using his shoe as a mirror once I'm done.

[Blouman Empire]

Good to see other Generalities have read the books by the man who gave us NSG

I spied the cover of Jennifer Government in a library several years ago, read the blurb and thought "what the hell, I'll give it a go". That's how I found Nationstates.

I read Jennifer Government because I was on Nationstates and figured I might as well read the book. Since then I have bought and read everyone of his books since.

[Yaltabaoth]

So... how much you wanna cough up to keep us from mentioning you entering the Boss Man's work in a bad opening sentence competition?

Remembering that he does have the code in the palm of his hand, controls all the Mod tools, and is (generally) able to get [violet] to go along with him...

All I can offer is that I get on my knees and beg for clemency oh and shine his shoes he will be able to shave using his shoe as a mirror once I'm done.

If you'd really shined his shoes, he'd be able to use them as his razor. Amateurs...

[Forsher]

I spied the cover of Jennifer Government in a library several years ago, read the blurb and thought "what the hell, I'll give it a go". That's how I found Nationstates.

I read Jennifer Government because I was on Nationstates and figured I might as well read the book. Since then I have bought and read everyone of his books since.

I read Jennifer Gvernment for exactly the same reason.

New entry.

Once upon a time on there was a prince whose story, aside from a select few deatails, resembled that of the Princess and the Pea which was the source of much teasing and humiliation from his fellow princes who were all born in raging storms to mothers and cursed by evil witches, but this prince, the Huge Prince Rupert, eventually got over this.

[Yaltabaoth]

The candle before him flickered and danced like an attention-seeking whore, and he felt his disgust rise within him… the thought that this candleflame could attract him, tempt him, even degrade him by her mere presence was intolerable, and he resolved to end her waxy flickering life before events got any more out of control.

[Forsher]

It was awful.

With a something number entry to accompany it.

Like a butterfly in full flight, the moth darted from light to light, each warm orange glow distorted by the uneven wingbeat and stutter of a drunk moving in a straight line to the fridge, seeking a knowledge that a mere insect should not desire and, indeed, this was no ordinary insect, this was an Übermotte.

[Dumb Ideologies]

Of all the impudences, impertinences, phenomena with distinctly insolent anger-making properties, the meager saliferous unpalatableness of these accursed, confounded, monstrous, diabolical, infernal hypermarket-acquired twenty-pence custard creams verily was the zenith of the real and figurative taking of the biscuit.

[Yaltabaoth]

Of all the impudences, impertinences, phenomena with distinctly insolent anger-making properties, the meager saliferous unpalatableness of these accursed, confounded, monstrous, diabolical, infernal hypermarket-acquired twenty-pence custard creams verily was the zenith of the real and figurative taking of the biscuit.

My eyes, my eeeyyyyyeeessssssss...!!![edit]one

[Salvarity]

Alicia woke up in a frightful daze "Where is jimmy my pet koala" With that she went downstairs to he dungeon to play with Jimmy II her new koala.

[Aethyopea]

"50 to 60 words"

"The earth's rotation was in such a way, that the place on earth that I was on wasn't looking at the sun (not that places on earth could look at the sun, unless you think people are places on earth and they are looking at the sun, which you really shouldn't do for too long or you'll go blind!) there were clouds over the sky (so I couldn't have looked at the sun even if I wanted to and the place on earth that I was on was, in fact, looking at the sun which it wasn't) and storms filled the sky (no lightning though, so I couldn't have used the light from the lightning to look at the sun even if I wanted to and the earth wasn't turned the wrong way and there weren't clouds in the way though since I once read in some book somewhere that you can't have lightning without clouds that seems impossible unles you're, like, Storm from the X-Men or something, in which case looking at the sun seems like lame way to use your lightning powers and it wouldn't work anyway since the earth's being all coy and stuff and turned the wrong way) and it was dark, and we were in London."


Since one definition of the word 'beyond' is

4. superior to; surpassing; above: wise beyond all others.

(from dictionary.com)
and this quote isn't above '50 to 60 words' and you didn't say what definition of 'beyond' I have to use, it's technically not against the rules.

[Rambhutan]

Geddes was a tall man, a tall man dressed in a tweed suit nearly as tall as he was.