Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Mosasauria]

'Emperor' sounds better.

True. There's not many titles better sounding than "Emperor."

Imperator.

[Farnhamia]

True. There's not many titles better sounding than "Emperor."

Imperator.

Same thing.

[Astrolinium]

True. There's not many titles better sounding than "Emperor."

Imperator.

Eh, you say potato, I say solanum tuberosum.

[Genivaria]

Imperator.

Same thing.

Kaiser. Czar. God-Emperor.
El Presidente.

[Astrolinium]

Same thing.

Kaiser. Czar.

Those are the same thing, too. German and Russian both took "Caesar" and turned it into them.

[Nationstatelandsville]

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His name is Barrack Hussein Obama
[BaRR-gl- AhK] [HOo-SEyN] [OH-BuH-Mah]

Does that SOUND AMERICAN!?

Say Obama, then,say OSAMA! Similar?

And you guys think he is GOOD?!!!! He just lowered the taxes to distract you! Plus, the Local Government forced my kids to go to another shcool since it was just built. The Mayor just said it needed funding.WE DONT EVEN NEED IT! YOU CANNOT FORCE US!! If You built it, you pay for it!

We dont need public aid,we cant even buy homes! For God sakes we have no friken JOBS!HE is a liar, and a COMMY!
Okay,Im calm now. But now, I just wanna know why abortion is legal,and murder is ILLEGAL?
That ESPECIALLY doesnt make since because he says he is a Christain! Embryos are people,they the DNA right?Well if he is a Christain,how come he SUPPORTS ABORTION!

He just puts his wife in commercials for preenting obesity. Except he forcefully gets rid of snack machines at schools and offices,which is socialist. But when she does commercials, shes trying to hipnotise you, by saying we need to do something,but forcefully. So you think its alright.

This has to be a joke. It has to be. Otherwise I'd cry instead of laugh, and if anyone cries that much, they'll die of dehydration.

[Genivaria]

We need more sluts, especially male ones, those Republican politicians need serving.

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His name is Barrack Hussein Obama
[BaRR-gl- AhK] [HOo-SEyN] [OH-BuH-Mah]

Does that SOUND AMERICAN!?

Say Obama, then,say OSAMA! Similar?

And you guys think he is GOOD?!!!! He just lowered the taxes to distract you! Plus, the Local Government forced my kids to go to another shcool since it was just built. The Mayor just said it needed funding.WE DONT EVEN NEED IT! YOU CANNOT FORCE US!! If You built it, you pay for it!

We dont need public aid,we cant even buy homes! For God sakes we have no friken JOBS!HE is a liar, and a COMMY!
Okay,Im calm now. But now, I just wanna know why abortion is legal,and murder is ILLEGAL?
That ESPECIALLY doesnt make since because he says he is a Christain! Embryos are people,they the DNA right?Well if he is a Christain,how come he SUPPORTS ABORTION!

He just puts his wife in commercials for preenting obesity. Except he forcefully gets rid of snack machines at schools and offices,which is socialist. But when she does commercials, shes trying to hipnotise you, by saying we need to do something,but forcefully. So you think its alright.

This has to be a joke. It has to be. Otherwise I'd cry instead of laugh, and if anyone cries that much, they'll die of dehydration.

I when I saw this.

[Kouralia]

Same thing.

Kaiser. Czar. God-Emperor.
El Presidente.

Generalissimus

BOOM!

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

Kaiser. Czar. God-Emperor.
El Presidente.

Generalissimus

BOOM!

Generalissimo Supreme Soviet Omnipotent Ultimate-X Warlord Emperor Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw, or Will See.

Dai Gensui... Dae Wonsu... Eternal President, Dear Leader, Glorious Leader, Ayatollah (for some reason it sounds wonderful)

Ha!

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

Damn you, Oprah! Damn you...

Over 9,000 penises.

[Damanucus]

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His name is Barrack Hussein Obama
[BaRR-gl- AhK] [HOo-SEyN] [OH-BuH-Mah]

Does that SOUND AMERICAN!?

Say Obama, then,say OSAMA! Similar?

And you guys think he is GOOD?!!!! He just lowered the taxes to distract you! Plus, the Local Government forced my kids to go to another shcool since it was just built. The Mayor just said it needed funding.WE DONT EVEN NEED IT! YOU CANNOT FORCE US!! If You built it, you pay for it!

We dont need public aid,we cant even buy homes! For God sakes we have no friken JOBS!HE is a liar, and a COMMY!
Okay,Im calm now. But now, I just wanna know why abortion is legal,and murder is ILLEGAL?
That ESPECIALLY doesnt make since because he says he is a Christain! Embryos are people,they the DNA right?Well if he is a Christain,how come he SUPPORTS ABORTION!

He just puts his wife in commercials for preenting obesity. Except he forcefully gets rid of snack machines at schools and offices,which is socialist. But when she does commercials, shes trying to hipnotise you, by saying we need to do something,but forcefully. So you think its alright.

This has to be a joke. It has to be. Otherwise I'd cry instead of laugh, and if anyone cries that much, they'll die of dehydration.

I don't think it's a joke per se, but if it isn't, then...well, I won't say the term because I don't want to be accused of biting.

[Norstal]

Fuck it bitch

I see you're just back from your end-of-February ban. Allow me to present you with the March edition: *** banned for seven days for flaming ***.

[The Truth and Light]

I see you're just back from your end-of-February ban. Allow me to present you with the March edition: *** banned for seven days for flaming ***.

That entire discussion seems very strange to me. From the busybody lecture on nuclear bombs to the cussing fit... little bizarre.

[Kouralia]

That entire discussion seems very strange to me. From the busybody lecture on nuclear bombs to the cussing fit... little bizarre.

Me - a busy-body? Never...

I'm just a pedant who cannot bear to see history twisted by some random crow-mong...

[Genivaria]

Well, I am now a mass murderer of godlike proportions.

"One death is a tradedy. A million deaths is rather relaxing."

*in regards to sperm being recognized as 'persons' *

[Icamera]

FUNNY QUOTES

Comedy isn't dead!
Tea Party footage. 'Nuf said.

If carrots are so good for the eyes why do I keep on seeing dead rabbits on the highway?

So you know men who drive big vehicles usually are compensating for something right? Well, I drive a unicycle.

If I asked you to sleep with me would you answer with the same answer to this question?

Urggg... trawling through ads looking for roman orgies...

We're already HAD a president who was a MOR.... oh wait there's two M's there.

Slight gravedig, but upon further reflection based on another instance, it was decided by the several Mods that [violet] did flame here and as the rules apply to Mods AND Admins, she is *** warned ***.

If God weren't against LGBT rights, abortion, evolution and Jews, Hitler wouldn't have influenced Werner von Braun to create V2 rockets by using Jewish slave labour and now we wouldn't have a space race...

Did..did you just combine every dead horse on NSG?

No, I'm saying that it is not a class where you can work in vague economic theory.

Coach: [C] "Time to visit everybody's favorite friend Mister Push-Up!"
Students: [S] "Mister Push-Up!"
C: "Down, two three, Up, two three, Down, two three, HOLD! JAMESON, WHAT IS THE FUNCTIONAL MODEL OF SOCIOECONOMIC REFORMS COMMON TO ASIA COLLECTIVELY REFERRED TO?"
Jameson: "COMMUNISM SIR!"
C: "Wrong! We're holding in the down position until you get this question right."
Jameson: "SOCIALISM SIR!"
C: "Wrong! Your classmates are starting to hate you for your inability to come up with this answer. I bet those arms are getting really tired!"
Jameson: "MIXED ECONOMY SIR!"
C: "Up! Hold the up position. That is correct. Most of modern North America follows what kind of economic model? Down! Sanderson?"
Sanderson: "Capitalism!"
C: "Wrong! Oh, you are going to love this day kids. We're going to develop your arms nice and good because Sanderson doesn't know simple information."

I think those of us with ADD should get our own nation first. We'll take Tazmania. Our national motto will be, "What Were We Talking About?" Our national flower will be the geranium and out national food will be fried dough. Mmm... fried dough. I like my fried dough either navajo taco style or with marinara sauce. It's also pretty good with apples and cinnamon. Gotta have cinnamon. Cinnamon is the king of spices. Everything worthwhile tastes better with cinnamon. Did you know that the stuff most countries sell as ground cinnamon isn't the same spice they used to sell as ground cinnamon a few decades ago? It's true. They found a cheap cinnamon knock-off and replaced cinnamon without telling us. Isn't that disgusting? Speaking of disgusting....

...um.... What were we talking about?

Is the Onion working with Fox, now?

No, because if they were you'd see a marked improvement in Fox's journalistic standards.

Of course Math is a liberal conspiracy. How else do you explain Obama getting the unemployment rate below 8% or how he managed to win Ohio?

EGO BOOSTS

Icamera... beautiful... simply beautiful

I bow to the master. You win

Someone would shoot you for your hood just like Trayvon Martin.

I think we know whom has won.

Someone would shoot you for your hood just like Trayvon Martin.

That line was pure genius. Bloody brilliant.

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

"One death is a tradedy. A million deaths is rather relaxing."

I love this one.

On another hand, "One death, that of the godlike leader, is a horrible abominated tragedy. A million counter-revolutionary deaths is a relaxing statistic that one must accomplish at all costs necessary."

On another note, this is quite the good one too:

One does not simply peek through a female elf's window in an attempt to see her naked while she's changing to enter into Mordor.

Cool. Sign me up. I'm gonna need an all black uniform. 6'1", waist size 32, for boots, my feet size are 12 inches. Also a leather whip, and I want to be referred to as "Herr Doctor"

[Tlaceceyaya]

An interesting version. But nobody forced him to be an informant.

Didn't say he was forced. Jesus and Judas could have had a long heart-to-heart about "God's Plan". Those that wrote the new testament weren't with Jesus and Judas 24/7. It could have gone down something like this:

• Jesus: Yo, Judas - so you know how I'm the Son of God, right?
• Judas: Damn straight, bro - we wouldn't be spreading your good word if you weren't.
• Jesus: Well, see ... how do I say this ... Dad says that in order for people to go to heaven ... I, well, I have to die. On a cross. Soon.
• Judas: Wha?!?! No way!!!
• Jesus: Yep. It's tough to wrap my head around to. But Dad's always right, ya know?
• Judas: ...
• Jesus: Ok. Well, anyway, I'm to die on a cross then be buried in a tomb. For three days. During those three days, my soul will go preach Dad's plan to the souls that have gone on before us. That way they can accept me as their savior and go to heaven.
• Judas: Wait. You mean for thousands of years people have been going to hell because you weren't born yet?
• Jesus: It's not that simple - but in summary, yes.
• Judas: WTF, dude???
• Jesus: Just hear me out. After those three days, I will be resurrected and roll away the stone to my tomb. I'll say a few words and then head up to heaven. Body and soul.
• Judas: ...
• Jesus: This is Dad's plan. Gotta go with it, you know? I'm the savior.
• Judas: You know I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. But man, this is deep shit to understand.
• Jesus: Now you know why I was in the desert for 40 days. Took me that long to get used to the idea, myself.
• Judas: So when are you going to tell the rest of the Apostles?
• Jesus: Well, see ... I can't. It would ruin the surprise. They have to live it fresh. Kind of a Stanislavski "method" thing that Dad prefers. I'm only supposed to tell you.
• Judas: ... whhhhyyyyyy?
• Jesus: Well, someone has to turn me into the priests and the Romans so that I can be crucified ...
• Judas: ...
• Jesus: ...
• Judas: ... and ... This has to do with me, how?
• Jesus: ...
• Judas: HOLY SHIT! NO WAY MAN! I'M NOT TURNING YOU IN!!! You're my bro!
• Jesus: Dad's will be done, Judas.
• Judas: Really? Can I think about this?
• Jesus: Well, yes. But I really need you as my wingman on this. You are the guy who can get this done. You've been a successful business man, our treasurer, you have the connections. All the others are fishermen and shepherds. No one is going to really listen to them. But you, you're the one whom the priests will believe.
• Judas: I guess ... but this is heavy shit. This is God's plan for salvation though, right?
• Jesus: As Dad as my witness. I truly need you to do this for me. For us. For them. For everyone's soul for eternity.
• Judas: But they are all going to hate me. They'll think I betrayed you. I'll be Numero uno on the most wanted list.
• Jesus: Earthly possessions and pride are not our way. Our true rewards awaits in heaven. I've got you covered.
• Judas: ...
• Jesus: What do you say? Can I count on you?
• Judas: (sighs) I'll do it. For you ... and for them. I've got your back, bro.
• Jesus and Judas fist-bump and head back to the rest of the Apostles

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

That'll happen once hell freezes over and penguins fly

[Miss Defied]

Holy crap, I just saw this on a locked, gravedug ... gravedigged? ... whatever, thread.
The OP title was "Are You Crazy?"

by Desperate Measures » Thu Jan 05, 2012 10:12 pm

They thought I was back in '00. But I proved them wrong when I produced the lamb in question... unharmed. So, I took to the wasteland of suburban Long Island. Pausing only to tame a Sports Utility Vehicle. Then I came upon an empty house. A soon to be empty house. It was empty when I was done. And they had a computer and an internet connection. That... somebody is paying for that, I assume. They have bats here. Or owls. I don't know. I stopped looking up in '06 for all the droppings that would land in my eyes. A girl comes and drops off meals. She smiles at me but I when I look her in the mouth, I can see her robot parts. I let her be as long as the meals keep coming. I have opinions and I'm a bleeding-heart liberal.

I can't help but wonder that's it's actually true!

[Wikkiwallana]

Everyone knows that if you can't write a sensationalist book with falsely attributed sources and far-fetched conclusions about it, it can't be true.

[Coffee Cakes]

Hopefully, she'll cool down. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't be angry, it was just a joke, so chill.

[Forsher]

That's half the plan. The rest of the world will be lulled into a false sense of security thinking we're about to wipe each other off the face of the earth, then, suddenly, in a stunning coup, we take over the entire world, and turn into into the paradise it should be.

Lax work ethic! Tall poppy syndrome! Alcoholism! We have so much to offer!

[Radiatia]

So here's another conversation topic:

What do you think is the best thing that Australasia has given the world?

A viable alternative to the Welsh as a target for sheep jokes.