The Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation

[Eisenfaust Imperium]

We would like to purchase a God-Modding license. Please be sure to wire us the money it will cost you before we don't pay for it.
Thank You.

[North scotlandia]

We would like to buy 10,000 instant constructible airports with enough room for 10 C-130 sized aircraft (Think of the airports like the ones off of CNC)

[Great Valencia]

I would like to buy Det. Gibbs from NCIS

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Sorry, we can't wire the money. But we CAN send it over via carrier pigeon with a below 1% chance of it ever arriving. Also, thank you for the

Here's a nice story to tell your grandchildren. There was a carrier pigeon (something like it) just a few days ago in a laundromat I was inspecting. Just flew in and stayed there. Wouldn't leave for a while, but it did eventually. Not everyday you see this sort of thing.

OOC: Happened, actually.

We would like to purchase a God-Modding license. Please be sure to wire us the money it will cost you before we don't pay for it.
Thank You.

Sold God-Modding License

Congratulations! You now have earned the ability to modify your own GOD! Not creating a new one, just modifying an existing one to your heart's content. Like the Romans did with the Greek gods, or the Christians and Muslims did with the Jewish God, or some other example that you'll surely find using the great and powerful GOOGLE, Guardian Of Old Grey Laotian Elephants. (He's the reason why Asian elephants have smaller ears than their African counterparts.)

European elephant ears, very conspicuously, seem to be lacking. Scientists speculate that this may be due to the generally cooler climate of Europe and the fact European elephants do not exist. Despite this, many European elephant ear enthusiasts, including a certain mother, like to LIE. They point out the under-averageness of the average Asian elephant ear. Lies! Damned Lies! Statistics! They all mean nothing. European elephant ears do not even exist! Liars, I say! I've seen their Elephant porn! It's so boring! AND THEY HAVE NO EARS AT ALL! AND THEY DON'T EXIST. IT SUCKS EARS.

There isn't even any evidence that European elephants exist at all!
But... there's no evidence that they DON'T exist. Am I right?

European elephant ears do not belong in the realm of science and logic, but of theology and religion!
I have created a religion. It is called Euroelephantearianism. YOU, the faithful follower, will await the faithful day when your faithful European elephant ear actually shows up and boosts the self-esteem of hundreds of millions of people everywhere, and making many other feel inadequete.
ATTENTION!: IF YOU SPOT A EUROPEAN* ELEPHANT'S EAR, YOU HAVE SEEN A MIRACLE! THE INCARNATION OF A EUROPEAN ELEPHANT EAR THAT YOU CAN SEE AND FEEL.

Well, you could just use that godmodder thing to enlargen the elephant ear sizes, but of course, if you do that, you'd be a fucking GODMODDER. See what I did there? Just don't use one-liners.

That was a favor! You have a tutorial god to mod now! It's all just a game in the end, really.

*Not imported from other continents. Must be homegrown. Not in a lab either. And mammoths don't count either, Japanese** folk. I've seen enough harry elephants for a month.

**Irrelevant, but it has to be said. Word on the 411 street is the Japanese Archipelago lacks native elephant ears, too.

---

That last one took a long time, so I've given my factory workers a day off, as mandated by the damn gov'mint. I lead the government though... hmm... Why the hell did I become Supreme Leader in the first place? It's like I'm some useless figurehead for the evil shadow government conspiracy.

AND THUS, THOU SHAN'T NEVER WIRE NO MONEY, FOR THY FACE CONSEQUENCES ELSEWISE. IT'S IN THE RULEBOOK, DAMNIT.

[Free Missouri]

I'd like to buy the entire transformer race for my invasion of *Cough*New Hayeselia*Cough*

[Bulgharia]

We here in Bulgharia, would like to buy 10000 tear gas grenades.

[Orlkjestad]

We would like to purchase the very concept of maximum comfort.

Also, a couch. Accompanied by a kitten.

[New Hayesalia]

I'd like to buy the entire transformer race for my invasion of *Cough*New Hayeselia*Cough*

I'd like to buy his army once you sell it to him. <nod>

[Eisenfaust Imperium]

Despite earlier peaceful reassurances that we would not wire any money, our GREAT IMPERIAL PADRE (who is an intense European elephant ear enthusiastic) took GREAT IMPERIAL offense at your reply and therefore you can expect to receive explosive packages of our explosive monies within the week!

Update: Unfortunately it has come to our attention that we are flat broke right now, but it will not take long before we have amassed sufficient funds to begin bombar- payment!

Update: Having convened with some highly educated high school botany* students, our GIP has come to the conclusion that our economy is on an interminable downward spiral. Do not expect our explosive packages anytime soon (or ever).

Update: The GOD-MODDING license that we purchased from your company was tested for the first time today. However, it has come to our attention that the Imperium is a purely atheistic nation and therefore we will need to find another use for said product. IF a new use cannot be found by 4:00 O'Anticlock we will commence invasion of your company for this treachery.

Final Update: A new use was not found; however, our high school chemists have informed us that our nation exists in an alternate reality to the SPAAC and the invasion has been called off. This is just as well since all of our mutant orange soldier dessert chefs deserted long ago. You can expect more disappointing business endeavours from the Imperium in the near far present. Now we leave you with a refreshing couple verses of our national anthem:

"Next time you're found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree pl(?)ant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree pl(?)ant

But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie**, in the sky hopes

So any time you're gettin' low
'stead of lettin' go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree pl(?)ant!***"

Sincerely,
The Great Imperial Nonagonal Office of his holy**** GIPness. (GINOGIP)

*Please don't ask why we teach botany in our high schools, the reasons are highly complex and magical.
**Delicious apple pies are the #1 industrial product of the Imperium, feel free to buy none.
***This is purely metaphorical, we assure you that ants capable of moving/effecting/destroying/etc. rubber tree pl(?)ants have yet to evolve in the Imperium.
****Please note that this is trademarked atheistic holiness.

[Free Missouri]

I'd like to buy the entire transformer race for my invasion of *Cough*New Hayeselia*Cough*

Rebuttal, instead:
we would like to Purchase 10,000,000 Copies of the "American Military Guide to Guerilla Warfare" for our invasion Blockade of Russia Antarctica

[Spartan Philidelphia]

OOC: Dear Fellow Players,

I'm being lazy here. Just pretend I did sell you your crap. I've hit a brick wall and couldn't write anything for the entire month.

IC: Back from our brief run in with more special interests groups. Apparently, "enslaving" animals to do my bidding isn't ethical. What have Canadians ever done for us anyway?

[Cybus1]

Cybus Industries needs a giantiser-a beam that makes the target turn into a Trillion-lightyear high version of itself.

[Diol]

it

[Superbius]

We are interested in the employ of 1oo,ooo Spartan Private Military Contractors

[Chenkorya]

Well, here are the Chenkoryan orders.

10 Saxon people, will be used as dolls for little girls.
An embryo, for research.
One chicken, cause we like them.
500 bottles shampooer, cause the Chenkoryan housewives are getting desperate.
A dovetail, cause they smell so nice.
We want you to build a new city, called Poep.
A physician.
A high temperature.
A clone of Chenkorya.
A conclusion..

Thanks in advance.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Cybus Industries needs a giantiser-a beam that makes the target turn into a Trillion-lightyear high version of itself.

Sparkling or regular?

it

Right...

We are interested in the employ of 1oo,ooo Spartan Private Military Contractors

1oo,ooo? Our computers can't compute such a monstrosity.

Well, here are the Chenkoryan orders.

10 Saxon people, will be used as dolls for little girls.
An embryo, for research.
One chicken, cause we like them.
500 bottles shampooer, cause the Chenkoryan housewives are getting desperate.
A dovetail, cause they smell so nice.
We want you to build a new city, called Poep.
A physician.
A high temperature.
A clone of Chenkorya.
A conclusion..

Thanks in advance.

Well, I think that about wraps it up for the international branch of SPAAC. Good Night Everybody. Second place isn't so bad, is it?