Condemn Everyone
Category: Condemnation
Nominee: Everyone
THE SECURITY COUNCIL,
NOTING there are a fucking lot of people in the world,
RECOGNIZING that a hell of a bunch of them are dumbasses,
SHOCKED at all the puerile whining within this very body,
CONVINCED that such a situation is chiefly due to Nazis, abortion, and store-brand Mountain Dew,
DEFINING "Nazis" as persons who manufacture delicious bread out of persons of a Jewish persuasion,
BELIEVING that "everyone" includes Nazis, communists, and Bob Flibble,
APPALLED that your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries,
HEREBY CONDEMNS Everyone,
AND AFFIRMS that you're all horrible, horrible people.