The Book of Sue, by The Rich Port (NO POSTING HERE)

[The Rich Port]

THE BOOK OF SUE



By Gabriel, a.k.a. The Rich Port
© All Rights Reserved

Chapter 1: Ecce Astrum

There once was a day and place that neither time nor space remember; a time and place where the fields were great and green, the mountains tall and temerous, the woods dark and deferring, the deserts merciless and misunderstanding, the oceans... Unfathomable, and unexplorable. A place one may call Ues. And here in Ues, we may find there once lived a woman; a woman of great renown, great beauty, great strength, great knowledge, great passion, great faith, and great daring. A woman whose name escapes even the tongue of the ancients, and a woman unlike any other. A woman some may call... Sue. Mary Sue.

And the land of Ues was won over by Mary Sue. Powerful beyond the means of any, Mary Sue arose from the sweaty pits of her birth to a cruel father and a weak mother to become a hero none could emulate but all could adulate and many have tried to subjugate, for Mary Sue was, dare one say, perfect: a fighter of great prowess and tactic, a dominator of all the beasts of the earth, a soul of eternal kindness and eternal anger and eternal anguish, a mind of great speed and ability, and a body of large bosom and flat stomach and long legs... And a believer. A believer, a worshipper, and a crusader of Goodness.

Mary Sue came to the land of Ues with nothing, before becoming everything the land of Ues was. With fire and steel, she cast out those who would plunder and burn those who could not defend themselves. With truth and justice, she broke the chains of those enslaved to lives of servitude who had committed no crime. With stealth and cunning, she robbed the greedy to return to those food and water who were left with nothing. With pride and passion, she spoke to the people, demanding to hear their cries, who all shouted back with their own demands. With awareness and a silver tongue, she ousted tyrants to rule with the scepter of Goodness. With guile and charisma, she charmed princes and warriors out of sinful ways before refusing them the gift of a child. To the delight and the glory of a lowly and humble stonemason, the latter did not last all of her lifetime.

Her bones growing worn and the land of Ues purged of all sin, on her seventh year of glory, Mary Sue rested as the people rejoiced. And Ues proclaimed Mary Sue to be their Queen. And Mary Sue refused them, and refused them, and refused them... And then accepted them.

And Goodness blessed Ues with the warm sun, the plentiful seas, and the calm breeze. And She saw it was good...

§

And thus, the globe sat upon the escritoire of Goodness. And Her chest rose with pride and satisfaction. She put down the Stylus of Creation, and called for peer review.

"Quickly, come!" She cried, "Come and see what I've done!"
"What do you want, you bloated, boasting, four-eyed harpy?" said the Critic, eyes jagged and red.
"Do you see? How amazing... My most beautiful creation!" said Goodness, the Great Architect.
"Which one... Pfft, is it that one?" said the Critic, pointing.
"No, that's a humpback whale, you dolt. It's... her" said the Creator, pointing, sighing.
"Oh, my... What a grotesque, monstrous manequin you've created" said he.
"You're one to speak. Look at her... How good she is!" said She.
"You're going to make me sick..." said he.
"How generous, how humble, how kind, how fierce, how fabulous, how... Darling!" said She.
"Oh, brother..."
"You're envious. She has accomplished all of these things in my name, things you could never hope to! Ha!"
"Your Creation is the way she is because you handed her all that she is" said the Critic.
"What? She..."
"She has it too easy. Look at the rest of your creatures struggle. Are they not worthy of the Almighty?"
"Of course they are! She helps them, gives them hope and a voice"
"If you little monster didn't have all these things, she'd just be another dot in the Universe"
"No she wouldn't!"
"Face it: if she weren't so damn bright and sparkly, she'd disgrace your memory" said the Critic, drawing on the Creator's forehead with the Stylus.
"I'll bet you she wouldn't!"
"You'll... Bet me, eh?"
"Well, surely..."
"Let me see, then"
"... See what?"
"Let's see if what you say is true"
"True..."
"Take away everything she has. Let her be like all others... Heh, let her be LESS than all others"
"That's going too far"
"Then let's start, and let us see"
"Fine!"
"Fine"
"FINE!"
"Fine, do it"
"I'll do it"
"Do it"
"You'll see... She would never forsake me"
"We'll see... We'll see"
"Um..."
"..."

The Creator froze. The Critic waited, anxious and itchy.

"What, what's the matter?"
"I... Don't know what to do"
"You don't know what to do?"
"Well, I don't know what to do to her first"
"It hasn't stopped all of the shit that happens in the first place"
"Well, maybe I'm just biased"
"Fine, let me do it"
"What? No! You'll kill her and make me start all over again"
"I promise I won't"
"Your promise is no good!"
"... Touche, but if you want to hold up this bet, you HAVE to do something to her, dammit"
"Well... What do you propose?"

The Critic chuckled. He cracked his fingers. The Creator gulped, and prepared herself.

"First..."
"Right, First?"

Criticism thread

[The Rich Port]

Chapter 2: Alabanzas

Her knees are chafing on the rough concrete. Her hands are raised above her golden head. She's been like this for a while now, and he knows it's pointless to stop her. But she's told him she can endure it. She's assured him that she must do this. On her knees, for hours at a time, he becomes concerned, wishing she'd be doing something else, wishing she were holding his hand as they strolled, cuddling as they lay on their bed, talking when they ate, scolding the children when they were rough at play and holding them when thunderstorms would rage... But she kneels. And she prays. And she snaps the neck of the lamb she captured and burns it. And she prays. She whispers when she prays, almost as if she didn't want him to hear her pray. She looks happy when she prays. She looks content, something he rarely sees anymore. She's bored, bored, bored of her life as it is. She wants her life to be what it was, but this has passed, something she fails to understand. He knows what she prays for: for a return of glory. As if her life weren't glorious enough. Or maybe... Maybe she praises Her? Praises Her for giving her the glory that she has... Maybe he should ask her.

She's done now, after all. The little lamb is nothing but charred bones now. She skips to his side, and gives him the biggest smile she can muster.

"Lapicida, my darling... You looked so lonely here, I thought I'd keep you company!" she said.
"I'm sad when you're away. I'm blessed by you, and I'm lost without you" said Lapicida.
"You are too clingy, dear. I never knew a true embrace until... Well, until I met you, come to think of it."
Mary scratched her chin as she tried to remember if she ever really fell for someone beforehand.
"What do you pray about when you're in the shrine, Mary?" said Lapicida
"It's... Private. Why do you ask?"
"There should be nothing secret between the two of us... Don't you trust me?"
"Oh, alright... Let's see... I start by thanking Her for all the gifts she has given me"
"Ha, naturally" said Lacipida, scracthing his left brow.
"And I ask that things keep going the way they are now"
"Mary, do you ever wish you returned to the old life?"
"Well... Sometimes, I guess life here can get a little slow... But why would I want to go back?"
"You were the Great Crusader. You purged the land of all evil and you created all of the good"
"Yeah..."
"You don't miss any of that?"
"Honestly? No. I have you and the children to look after"
"Well, I understand, but..."
"Lapicida, I can't think of anything other than you and the children. If I did, I would be forsaking the fortune Goodness has bestowed upon me"
"Mary..."
She takes his hands in hers, and speaks with utter seriousness. "I do think about those times... But those times are long gone to me. Now, it's you and my children, and nothing more. We're happy, and I'm content. That's all that matters. Anything else is... A distraction."
"... I see" said Lapicida, smiling down on Mary as he pulled her into an embrace.
"Now then, the... Oh, hey, it's going to rain" said Mary, pointing at the sky above them, where a dark cloud had manifested.
"Oh... Wait... No..."
"What's that noise?" said Mary, perking up her ears.
"That's not a rain cloud" said Lapicida, as he ran towards the stairs leading to their crop fields.
"What is it, Lapicida?" cried Mary.
He took a while to answer, but he stopped and yelled it back at her: "LOCUSTS!"

Thus came the sound. Before, it had been faint, and Lapicida's poor ears couldn't have identified them. But now, the fearful buzzing had become a deafening roar, a wave crashing against the shore of discontent. Mary fled into the walls of their home as Lapicida raced across his fields. They appeared suddenly and without warning. Where was the runner he had ordered specifically to come to him should he see locusts? Why hadn't he heard them before? At the very least, they should hover for a while before they would descend upon the fields to feast.

Now, he was being struck, again and again and again. He covered his head with his hands and tripped to the ground as he realized he had been kidding himself: the locusts had descended immediately. He ducked under the swarm, trying to make it to the first torch. Now, he had to light it, using the flint he had tied around each post in case of situations where he needed to burn and scare away the pests. While sparks flew from the flint, he found the flammable oil being suckled away by the locusts. They stared deeply into his eyes. They were dead and unthinking and hungry. And the roar became overwhelming, tossing his spirit about, like a vengeful monster arisen from the depths of the earth. He could hear someone calling his name. The earth under him was loose and wet from the irrigation. A great pain swelled within his foot and it caused him to collapse once more. He was livid, and grasped at the bugs with his hands. Soon he came to hear the roar become fainter and fainter before dissapearing entirely. He could hear someone calling his name.

"LAPICIDA! LAPICIDA, WHERE ARE YOU? SAY SOMETHING, PLEASE!"
"Mary... Mary, I'm here"
"Oh, my Goodness." Mary appeared, and threw herself at his side. "I thought... I thought something had happened to you!"
"I'm okay, I just hurt my foot. Mary... Mary... What happened to the crops? Are the crops okay?"
"Oh, Lapicida... I don't want you to look"

Lapicida straightened himself to see complete devastation. Their great wheat farm, that fed not only the Royal Family but almost the entire capital of Ues, had been stripped bare. From the terrace from whence he had first noticed the swarm, he saw no stem that had been spared. Seeds littered the plows, along with the bodies of locusts who had succumbed to the swarm.

"Oh, Lapicida... We're going to starve!" said Mary, crying into his shoulder.
"Don't say that, Mary... Come to think of it, we might be just fine" said Lapicida, pushing Mary aside.
"Lapicida... What are you doing? Where are you going?"
Lapicida kneeled and grabbed one of the locusts. He inspected it, twirling and turning it in his hands. He smelled it, held it up to the sun, squeezed it... And then put the dead bug's head in his mouth and bit it right off.
"Lapicida, are you insane?" said his wife, rushing to his side.
"Mary, relax... They're... They're actually not that bad" said Lapicida in between chews.
"Oh, for Goodness' sake, Lapicida! You're not suggesting..."
"Well, like you said, without wheat, we will starve... We need to find something else to feed to the people"
"Ugh..."
"Adi" said Lapicida, beckoning one of his servants to him. "Round up all of the staff... Tell them to pick up every last locust they can find from the fields... Do you want a taste, Mary?" He offered his wife the locust he had bitten into.
"I already ate" said his wife, half-disgusted and half-amused.

§

"Ha! Is that the best you can do? LOCUSTS? Fucking LOCUSTS? You're TERRIBLE at this!" said the Creator.
"Be quiet... It is only the first step" said the Critic, becoming red.
"You're pathetic. At this rate, Mary'll die of old age before she forsakes my name!"
"We're not done, damn it... I have a few more tricks up my sleeve"
"Pfft..."
"Shut up!"

[The Rich Port]

Chapter 3: Eins Neun Zwei Zwei Zwei

Everyone was laughing at him. Even Mary couldn't help but stifle a few laughs. Hell, even Lapicida seemed amused. But in the end, Mary felt embarassed, and worried for her husband. After all, it was his idea that allowed everyone at their table to eat. She worried for him, and she knew that he would be displeased for her to do such a thing. After all, he had accomplished something, as "invisible" as the accomplishment was. He was slightly proud to have come up with it. And it was good for everyone to be happy and laughing and talking; Mary only wished they could joke about something other than her husband. But perhaps... They were happy because their husband came up with this? Could it be he's a hero to them, and that's why they are happy? It was a celebration! And her husband was the Honored One! She heaved a great sigh and looked at her husband. He too was laughing. Laughing at himself. She stared at him, so much so Lapicida noticed. A big toothy grin cracked across his face as he looked back.

The old wiseman sitting next to Lapicida squeezed his shoulder, giving words of encouragement and reassurance.

"My son, your cunning may have saved this kingdom" said the wiseman, waving a drink in the air.
"Truly, it was nothing at all, Wise One" said Lapicida, holding his hands in such a way to protect himself from the spills.
"None would have thought to eat locusts after they ate all of the crops!" roared the wiseman.
"My father lived in the desert before he came to Ues. Locusts were common, and sustained him many a time" said Lapicida.
"What is disturbing is that before The Great Age Of Ues, before your wife, you would have been stoned'"
"What for, Wise One?"
"For being 'unclean'." The wiseman air-quoted. "Ridiculous."
"I assume you had to deal with it sometimes, Wise One?" inquired Mary.
"Yes... So many poor souls cast into Damnation, without justice! Without... Consideration!" the wiseman wept.
"Wise One, your emotion must be too much... Perhaps you should retire" said Lapicida, grabbing the wiseman by the arm.
"Yes, yes, perhaps you are right... Take me to your door, my son! I have duties to attend to in the morning"

The wiseman stumbled with each step he took, having had too much wine. Lapicida returned after a long while.

"Papa, why was the Wise One so dizzy?" says Laura, the youngest daughter.
"Mama always says to never drink too much grape juice" says Saul, the youngest son.
"Yeah... Grape juice" says Darla and Grier, the twins.
"I hope I never marry a drunk" says Maryanne, the middle daughter.
"I hope you never marry; your kids are going to be hideous" says Josh, the middle son, dodging a locust.
"Now stop that! You're going to annoy Papa!" says Alanna, the second-to-eldest daughter, catching the locust.
"What doesn't annoy any of you?" says Simeon, the second-to-eldest son.
"Mother, what do you think that drunkard is planning?" says Sairi, the eldest daughter.
"Father, why are our female kin so nosy?" says Gideon, the eldest son.
"Kids, don't pick on each other! What kind of family have I been raising?" cries Lapicida.
"Enough, then" says Mary, noticing everyone had finished their plates. "Scrape the plates and head on to bed, everyone. You boys have to help your father re-plant the crops and you girls have to help me weave baskets."
The whole table erupted in complaints. "GET ON WITH IT!" commanded Mary, as all suddenly obeyed her.

Almost like little soldiers, the children filed into the great tower where Mary had designated as their bedchambers. While not particularly fond of sleep, youthful awe claimed her children, just as Mary had intended. While the older children had become apathetic to it, the younglings could still appreciate it: the stars. The tower allowed a clear view of the night sky, with all it's wonders spread across the heavens like a masterful mosaic. The Great Moon was in particular spirits tonight, as it glowed and shined with an ethereal light the people of Ues considered sacred. And Mary... Mary had made damn sure her children basked in the light of said moon for as much as she could shove them in front of it. While Lapicida waited by the door, he observed as his wife made the usual rounds throughout the tower, saying "good night" to the children who didn't want a good night's kiss. 10 children she fostered, and she worshipped them like deities.

Now they stared up at their Keep, enjoying the silence after a long, hard day's brim.

"Do you think they're having sweet dreams?" says Mary.
"Of course. They have no bad memories from today" says Lapicida.
"I won't have sweet dreams tonight, Lapicida"
"Why not? You have no bad memories of today"
"Lapicida... The locusts didn't scare you?"
"They're only locusts... Something is troubling you, Mary"
"It's just... I'm... I'm afraid, Lapicida"
"That's... Actually, that's quite new. Afraid of what?"
"The locusts... For the first time for so many years, I was actually afraid of something"
"The locusts?"
"Yes. I was afraid it was something deathlier... Something that could have harmed you, or the children"
"I see... So, what was the last thing that you were afraid of?"
"... Of being alone in the world"
"I'd say you got lucky there." Lapicida laughed.
"I'll say... It would have been... Difficult, finding someone befitting the Queen of Ues"
"Not really, Mary. I'm a lowly shoe cobbler, and those are all too frequent"
"But you're special"
"The servant girls assumed as much, for being the lover of such a potent child-bearing ox of a woman"
Mary blushed. "I didn't mean that... You bring peace to me."
"Ah... Of course I do"
"What is it?"
"Well, you bring peace to me. Coincidence... Or something more?"
"You charming fool, you... You make me uneasy at times, as well."
Mary wrapped an arm around Lapicida's shoulders, squeezing his body to hers.
"Just to keep you on your toes, Mary... Just to keep you on your toes..."

The two went silent as they felt something make their hearts tremble... Literally, it's a vibration... It's making their hearts literally tremble and vibrate. The two stand and try to identify the source of this odd feeling.

"Is it... An earthquake?" whispers Mary.
"I doubt it... There's never been an earthquake in this part of the region" says Lapicida.
"Lapicida... Look"

Mary is pointing towards the star-lit sky. It was the moon.

The moon... Was growing. It was becoming larger and larger and more resplandescent and bright and illuminating, it's light growing as intense as the Sun's, gently blinding Mary and Lapicida. Mary grasped at her robes, lifting them above her head to better gleam the spectacle they were witnessing.

"Lapicida... It's so beautiful!" yells Mary as the rumbling deafens them.
"Mary... MARY! THE CHILDREN! THEY HAVE TO..."

The Earth jolts underneath their feet. They first loose their balance, and seconds after they reclaim it, the Earth convulses once again, and they tumbled to the ground. A gale overcame them, and they clutched in the direction the other was yelling, grasping at robes and arms and legs and they made themselves heavy against the ground. The gales soon receded as thunderous roars echoed throughout the Royal Valley. Mary and Lapicida raised their heads.

The Keep, like a great oak ravaged by a rusty axe, careened and plummeted on top of the Castle Hall, where Mary and Lapicida had eaten their dinner with the children. Lapicida was the first to stand, and felt his heart shake as he almost fell again. Mary had taken him by the robes to rise as quickly as possible. Her screams were muted against the crashing cracking rock and mortar and stone and earthly holy bone of Earth. Lapicida grabbed his wife by one of her arms, stopping her from sprinting towards the castle and almost dislocating his own arm. He tugged and she tugged, but eventually he took her in both her arms as she reached towards the castle with her own, crying, crying, screaming, screaming.

It was funny, really. Almost like she felt she could have stopped the tower from falling by herself.

§

"You think that's fucking FUNNY?" seethes She.
"Oh, come on, it's kinda funny. 'Oh no, my kids are falling! Daarghablaghah!" says he.
"Well, shit, you killed the littles ones... It's a waste for nothing, for she still follows me"
"Breathe easy, O Mighty Sow Cow Ow. Shit has only begun to get serious."