Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Seiwa]

Just check my sig.

[Maltropia]

From my RMB:

New Freedomstan
54 minutes ago
Paradoxia - even our peace conferences involves bombings

The Republic of Crawnaft
3 hours ago
Would anybody care to volunteer to hold the peace conference?

There are only two nations anymore that are truly neutral in my opinion: Essonne and Colitas
The Hegemony of Machtergreifung
2 hours ago
Bigfoot or Ishgar perhaps, even if Ishgar is selling arms to everyone.

[Siorafrica]

Rules of da classik badaman:Robbing yer nan's mobility scooter to go down to the shop and rob a freddo.

A Freddo costs 25 european cent...

[Maltropia]

22:00 Maltropia: I'd be willing to dump some of my junk
22:00 Maltropia: I mean donate high quality warships

From an alliance chat room

[Pottslande]

BLASPHEMY! THERE HE IS! IMMA CUMMIN' JESUS!!!

*jumps out window*

I'm quite sure Jesus didn't wish to know that.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

I'm quite sure Jesus didn't wish to know that.

[Izandai]

I'll ass it to the OP immediately, but it sucks we wont be able to celebrate it until next year....

I would very much appreciate it if you kept your ass far away from the OP. I think that's against forum rules, anyways.

[Imsogone]

Just check my sig.

I'm certain that this is becoming the most notable NS quote ever, just because of the overuse.

Hon, I'm not going to check your sig, I've spent this entire thread checking sigs and spoilers, I'm tired of it.

[Pottslande]

Pottslande had just managed to force himself above deck to hear this. He floated over quickly.

"La mariquita sounds like fun! How do you play it?" he asked, smiling.

"Uh Pottslande...? La mariquita is gay anal sex. A derogatory term I've invented. For gays."

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Which is why we should elect Weiner.

A man who stands erect, firm and resolved against the dangers inherent with high national debt, his love for the American people gushing out of every pore.

[Izandai]

A man who stands erect, firm and resolved against the dangers inherent with high national debt, his love for the American people gushing out of every pore.

That is pure adulterated EPIC F*CKING WIN!

[Vlorkidor]

I'll become a mailman, and every day put dry dogshit in your mail. You'll keep gettign grossed out, but will have to keep getting your hands covered in dogshit. You'll start recieving death threats from people who don't exist. You'll panic, and start staying inside. You'll get fat and lose your hair. Because you're fat, your health leaves you and you end up having a prostate exam early. I'll put little bits of radioactive dust in your butthole every year, until you develope cancer. In which I'll be the surgeon who has to operate, removing part of your colon and giving you a shitbag. But I'll only give you leaky bags, so you get waste on everyone you meet. You'll become an outcast, and will eventually try to kill youself. You'll jump in front of train, and I'll be there to save your life. While you're thanking me, I'll choke you with a vibrator.

The Nuclear Fist and I got into a bout. I'll post my stuff if someone wants them.

[Izandai]

I'll become a mailman, and every day put dry dogshit in your mail. You'll keep gettign grossed out, but will have to keep getting your hands covered in dogshit. You'll start recieving death threats from people who don't exist. You'll panic, and start staying inside. You'll get fat and lose your hair. Because you're fat, your health leaves you and you end up having a prostate exam early. I'll put little bits of radioactive dust in your butthole every year, until you develope cancer. In which I'll be the surgeon who has to operate, removing part of your colon and giving you a shitbag. But I'll only give you leaky bags, so you get waste on everyone you meet. You'll become an outcast, and will eventually try to kill youself. You'll jump in front of train, and I'll be there to save your life. While you're thanking me, I'll choke you with a vibrator.

The Nuclear Fist and I got into a bout. I'll post my stuff if someone wants them.

Do it!

[Grenartia]

Welcome to my Sig Quotes post. Here is all the hilarious quotes I've encountered in my time here on NS.

I'll ass it to the OP immediately, but it sucks we wont be able to celebrate it until next year....

I would very much appreciate it if you kept your ass far away from the OP. I think that's against forum rules, anyways.

They must be stopped, crushed and dominated like a amateur S&M slut.

We have actively been trying to outlaw masturbation with the hope that people would engage in intercourse more often. It hasn't been working. They just keep taking matters into their own hands.

Jesus would let his nation die but then he'd resurrect it.

what if a guy takes a shit in one of them? :blink

Bonus points!

Are you sure you're Kim Jong? I want to see your licence to Il.

Well, you have to be compensating for SOMETHING when you claim yourself to be an ultimate being who knows all and threatens the world with your nuclear ... arsenal.

Well, sir, I am compensating for the loss of the ROK.

There are two sacred rights in the US:

1. The right to own powerful firearms in a variety of sizes types.

2. The right to troll people.

This was assumed, any more to the story that you can recall? : p

I think I was drinking the moonshine I spiked with LSD. I halucinated that my reflection was talking to me, and he was total dick.

If you can't take that route that just master bathe!!!!!

Some of us don't have a whirlpool.

it's just...ionic bonding is sooo hawt...the way they stick together... :blush

I suppose if you're into that kind of thing. Ionic bonds are pretty imbalanced, to be frank. You got big ole electron-hogging atoms/molecules taking all the electron density away from the weak counterpart. In solution may don't even stay together - it's more of an open relationship with free-floating ions (ie, NaCl in water).

So if I had to say, I'd picture ionic bonds as a burly dominant atom like chlorine whipping a leatherbound, ball-gagged atom like sodium with an electron whip...

...which as I said, could be hot if you're in to that kind of thing.

Some of my friends and I were gonna start a band (they'll probably keep going with it, but since I moved, they're gonna have to find a new 2nd bassist/backup vocalist. yeah, thats the thing one of my friends said, that we needed 2 bassists and 2 drummers in addition to 2 guitarists)...called 4 Oceans Bleed. I know, it sucks.

I was in 3 bands in my lifetime. A band called Vladdy and his Dirty Little Fuckers, Sumerian Death Cult, and The Electric Rape Squad.

As you can tell, we were a family-friendly band for all ages.

Today I learned that I crushed Zeitreich's dreams of the 50kth post.

Wait, it was you? Goddamn it, now I have to go confirm it.

E: And it was by accident? Double hell!

oh for god's sakes. when will the communists learn. They can't be communists and not expect us to hit them!

It's real, I DARE you tell one of the original astronauts that landed on the moon that it was faked, I DARE you.

Yeah, didn't Buzz Aldrin punch out a guy who told him that?

And I now hate reality for not making this true.

The US moon landing was totally faked. If you look carefully at the lunar lander where it says "United States" you can tell by some of the pixels that it actually reads "Soviet Union". The flags were likewise edited from Soviet into US flags. Also, the soundtrack was obviously dubbed from the original Russian. That's right, the moon landing was real but it was actually done by Soviet cosmonauts.

:twisted

Impossible, there would have been evidence, if they were Russians why were there no bottles of Vodka drifting around the landing site?

Besides, as we all know, in Soviet Russia, Moon lands on you. That was, after all, the reason for the Tunguska event.

Well its over now, but there's only two situations where 'dry rub' and 'meat' being used in the same sentence makes any sense.

Damnit you. I'll never look BBQ the same ever again!

Does it matter? Its not like I can get myself preggers. Unless my clone was female...but then, the kid would just end up being a second clone of me.........

And the wincest continues. Eventually you can be the dominate species on earth.

but there's advantages to being mounted.

That's what your mother said last night, Trebec.

I have severe moral and ethical complaints regarding this thread. It is an example of the horribly oppressive and bias culture that seeks to destroy people like me. It is a testament to the cruel and horrific evil that such one-sided views have wrought. I spit in the face of the people who have brought forth this abomination.



I mean, seriously, why can't I have all of them at once? Why do I have to choose just one?

And the banjo is sensual

Look!
(Image)

Think everyone just banjizzed.

That the local news called coupons the "Jedi Knights of the economy"... What the fuck?

"Luke, I am redeemable at Wal-Mart!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEEDED ONE FOR TARGET!"

"That would be the one that looks like Samuel. L Jackson."

"Thanks Dad."

A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

Nooo, the Moon Base has been buried under tax arguments, and its partly my fault! :eek

Do tax arguments block incoming radiation?

... you are heavily contemplating becoming a lesbian. Halfway there, it's really just a lick away.

Reminds Zeno of that old Tootsie-pop commercial about the licking and the biting and stuff.

One- TWO! TTHRREEE!!

Posting an image....
Though I Wouldn't do it much, Or you'll get in trouble for picspam..

Images that move?

WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT!

Math in general is a sexy topic.

"Oh baby, substitute my variable."
"My linear function goes exponential for you."

You bastards have taken Rule 34 to it's logical conclusion, and now the Twilight of the Gods is here.

I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?

FUCKING KIDS!

I'd do that, but Aliana disapproves of it. :[

And when angry, they explode into huge balls of fire.

But not to worry. They're weak against flying waffles, and athlete's foot odor.

Luftwaffles! We must maintain air superiority!

(Image)

I didn't know the Brady Bunch adopted a black kid.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temptation_of_Christ

He didn't fight him though. He just said 'Thanks but no thanks, I don't want your goddamn bread."

Who else thinks we're just being trolled, and that he doesn't really believe a damn word he's saying?

You'd make a good sex slave.

Good evening. There are two people on the bed next to me making out. How is all your evenings (or other time of day)?

Join them, or make popcorn and watch.

I received what I assume is one of those annoying political cold calls. The person on the other end of the line was a woman and she asked to speak to "any male registered voters in the residence". At first I was a tad surprised, then offended, then curious. There were, however, no answers available from the caller, who hung up when informed that there were no males, aside from a snake and a tarantula, in the house.

Has anyone else received such a call? Is this some sort of divisive conservative ploy designed to cause discord between male and female voters? Is this some sort of liberal action designed to do who knows what? What would the purpose of a call like this be?

Sorry. I got nervous and couldn't think of anything to say.


What were you wearing?

I guess you could kinda go under the one in the middle and... I'll stop there.

We can't just have a-symmetric motorboating?

Or one set of cleavage, then the other?

Or maybe collaborate with a friend. Harmonize.

See if you can do "Dueling Motorboats" on the Mars mutant hooker's boobage.

If you understood morality, you would understand that it cannot change or else it will descend into chaos and eventual oblivion.

Then why didn't we dissolve into oblivion when women started owning property and we began paying the negro?

So this is how communism dies.

With thunderous applause.

The Seven Deadly Sins aren't even in the Bible.

Make him Tsar.

Well "someone" did reduce the maximum thread count from 25,000 to 12,500...

I, for one, blame the server hamsters for not running hard enough in their little wheels.

I served. I did not die (obviously)...

Source?

Oh, I wouldn't vote for Ron OR Rand if you paid me.

"I'll trade you my Timothy McVeigh for your Osama bin Laden."
"What?! No way! He isn't as rare or as powerful as Osama bin Laden, and his God n' Guns ability is weaker than bin Laden's Jihad Shriek!"

What. The. Fuck.

Chinese Traditional Medicine is basically one big game of "I dare you to eat that".

So guys, I'm just saying that Atlas Shrugged is a capitalistic Fifty Shades of Grey.

No, wait. That's insulting to E.L. James.

I saw a little bit of an Ayn Rand interview (which may or may not have been playing on the Colbert Report; shut up).

"So, the weak, they do not get love?"

"They certainly do not deserve it."

And that's when I imagined myself punching a frail, PTSD-suffering woman in the face and thought myself a good person.

Why does NSG make me feel more and more like I should have taken the blue pill?

She violated a dead person for Christ's sake...

I very much doubt it was for the sake of Christ.

In response to a non-native English speaker (presumably Hindu and from India) wanting to ban eating cows, considered holy in Hinduism

Was I posting drunk again?

Once you go Mavorpen...

You realise how bad it really is.

See you both are in need of Greed and Death's marriage counseling services.

Isn't that like having a blind seeing eye dog?

I still fail to understand how a god of love can, in the same breath, condemn the very creation Christians claim he loves, to eternal suffering. He's either a god of love or not.

Why would he punish a married couple that uses contraception? Is there a fair reason for said punishment?

As I believe Stephen Colbert said,
"You see to Catholics, sex isn’t two drunk strangers getting their freak on at closing time,” he said. “It is the mystical union of two people inspired to create new physical life while God adds a soul in a divine and ineffably beautiful three way. So when you use contraception, you are not only sinning, you are cock blocking the Almighty."

Ok, so regardless of whether or not teans people are the sex they want to be and the gender they feel they are, what's to stop them making the change? Regardless of whether or not they become the sex they want to be, if it makes them happier, why shouldn't they be allowed to alter themselves in any way they see fit? If I decide I want to lop off my left hand, why shouldn't I be allowed to?

If Hollywood movie stars can get new tits, I should be able to, as well.

"Mr cameron, the french are legalizing gay marriage."
"Mr prime minister, we must not allow a gay marriage gap!"

On a Tuesday during a full moon, go to a clearing carrying three fabrics. One red, one blue, and one chartreuse. I cannot stress this enough, the third one must be chartreuse.

Now. Lay naked face up on the material with your feet facing east. Taking your left hand, make a circle over your forehead and make the following chant:

"Flag-istan, Flag-istan Flag-istan. Dilly dilly petunia. I need a flag-istan for my nation-istan."

Then, if you're pure of heart, a mod will descend upon you and pin a flag to your butt.

Or, the real answers that have already been given.

"...show some shred of objectivity and independent thinking..."

...and then posts a load of ideological spoonfeeding.

TECHNICALLY he posted the load of ideological spoonfeeding THEN told you to be objective.

I mean, it's still fucking pathetic, but at least let's get the order of operations correct.

edit: jesus christ, I waste my 10,000th post on THAT?

I honestly don't give a fuck whether gender exists or not, as long as I'm not in any way required to care about it. For as long as I am forced to care about it, I will be stuck fighting against it. I'm happy to stop fighting as soon as it goes away and leaves me alone. :]

This dog has been renamed to Gender and has taken a poop in your hallway.

Your move.

may republicans are in that anti abortion anti gay neich. that neich is just dumb. their is nothing wrong with conservatism in its self. to much conservatism leads to stagnation a slow death. so does the other end too much liberal action would lead to rapid mass socalism, mass expendature, a decline in incentive for hard work. both far ends lead to failure. once must balance between the two.

Me feel me am not smarter now that me read that.

I don't know. Must there be one? Maybe I just prefer Bumfuck to Deliverance. *shrug*

I never got the term bumfuck. Why would one go fucking bums? Its not sanitary and they're better ways to help the homeless then screwing them.

Take one part mild flame, add a good dose of calling for the deaths of people who may be in our player base, or ancestry thereof, and flavor it with a long list of violations. Shake well and serve hot.

Recipe for one serving of *** Three day ban ***

And, when you have to start a car by persuading it to let you stick your cock in it, that will be a relevant parallel.

Meanwhile, at Google...

Is Ann Coulter a rude bitch?

Is the Pope a chemist?

I never thought I would ever write the words "Socialist Orgy".

Everyone owns the "means of production" if you will. ;]

Jesus had two dads, why can't I?

What?

No, seriously, what? How the hell is raping people going to prevent genocide?

Easily. Just infect yourself with a fatal STD, rape 1930s dictator, rinse and repeat.

The real knack to it is getting him before you die yourself. You should have an extra life if you collected 100 Swastikas, and if you got all 7 of the Treaty of Versailles scraps you can become Super Stauffenberg and hit him with your finishing move.

Holocaust=solved.

And people who have no qualifications in a given field should totally be making decisions that affect it.

:roll

Let's totally have prayer in schools and have our students taught creationism instead of evolution, amirite? Fuck those evolutionary biologists, fuck geologists, fuck biochemists, fuck scientists in general, those so-called know-it-all "experts". What do they know, compared to the all holy masses, amirite?

*Churchill voice*

"We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in lobby, we shall fight in the coffee shop, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the chamber, we shall defend our values, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight in the HQ, we shall fight in the event threads, we shall fight for the bills and the the amendments, we shall fight for what's right; we shall never surrender."

Also your name is hilarious in that you're tilting at windmills. Suspiciously so.

Would you be implying that this fine gentlemen, having made only two posts, and named after a fictional character most well known for fighting imaginary monsters, is not entirely and completely sincere in his most earnest attempt to inform us of how "major media outlets basically worship Obama"

My word, I do believe that is trollnaming, and you should refrain from such vile and contemptuous conduct in the future. Good day to you sir.

I SAID GOOD DAY!

A single death is a tragedy. A million is a statistic. Unless they're just sperm. Then its just a Tuesday.

My old sock is a gulag.

Shave a weasel, cover it in glitter, put it in your freezer for fifteen minutes, and mail it overnight to Ard. He'll know what to do.

How is it unfortunate she's straight?

Maybe she finds her attractive and wants to scissor-me-timbers.

Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sexual position.

What have I told you about abusing the laser printer?

It wants it.

Asks for it even. Every time I start to abuse her she gets hot and starts making lots of erotic noises.

HAVE YOU READ "MEIN KAMPF" TO YOUR NEWBORN YET? NO? EXTERMINATE!

Thank you, Torcularis ... now I have an image of a Dalek screaming "EJACULATE! E-JAC-U-LAAAATE!"

I think I need a Doctor now.

how about i am not your crowed king i am not your elected representative i am not your favored celebrity i am your conquering emperor and you will kneel before me or die before me emperor x imperia most notorious thing he said he said to the 13 kingdoms alliance as it rang though out history as it stuck thunderous fear and/or obedience and expanded the empire into ultimate glory

Kneel before me, oh rulers of Zxarrkoenia, as I wield my mighty sceptre of modly power over your union, and strike thunderous fear into you as I seek thy obedience in my search for the ultimate moderator glory, for I declare this day, unto all the witnesses of the Awesome/Funny NS quotes thread that I strike thee down with my awesome and unanswerable *** warning for spamming this thread ***.

Tremble, Zxarrkoenia!

Way to avoid the arguement... :]

Good god, there's an ARGUMENT buried under that grammar and punctuation carnage??!! Someone call for the jaws of life, we've got to get him out of there before he smothers!!!!

There names will be Goku, Optimus Prime, Rainbow Dash, and Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan is indeed a fictional character. In the sense that I refuse to accept he's a real person.

This is proof that some people think they aren't male or female, not that non-binary genders exist and frankly I find it insulting to trans people that this article basically says everyone who doesn't conform to the norms about gender has the option to use the label 'trans'.

Buddy, you're cis. You have no fucking say in what is and isn't insulting to us.

I however, do!

And you know what I find insulting here?

You.

If anyone is the gay lord in this relationship, it's me.

Condunum of House Bumsex, first of his name, King of the Homosexuals, the Queers, and the Gay Men, Lord of the Manlove Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm.

Because a 'nice guy' is just an asshole in disguise, according to society. I, for one, don't want to be an asshole in disguise.

TRANSNICEGUYS
MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE
TRANSNICEGUYS
ASSHOLES IN DISGUISE

Dear TET,

My neighbor's wife recently left him for a guy who replaced their carpet (and probably hers, I don't have the full story yet). I always thought she looked like Sloth from The Goonies. Can I air out my sentiments like the cavernous vagina of a three dollar streetwalker or must I wait an appropriate grace period?

xoxo,
Jenrak.

Strange, Google doesn't know this mythical African American Education Initiative that allows black children to "misbehave".

It knows unicorns, though.

Congrats, your shitty source's content is more fictional than unicorns.

Respecting Religion =/= Participating in Religion

Also, there are no longer any religions apart from extremely obscure cults, that require human sacrifices.

Sir, it is a religion and you disrespected it. Not my fault if you are uneducated heathen scum.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
CHANGE FOR THE COINSTAR

I'd probably get in trouble if I gave my opinion. alm alm alm

Every body take a big deep breath and say it with me,
"I will not get banned today."

Workers of the world unite!*
*Offer not valid for homosexuals.

Why would I spend my time telling you why Libertarianism would not work? Why can't you do it yourself? You really expect me to GIVE you my opinions without being paid for them, you Bolshevik?

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Finish this poem yourself,
You dependent parasite."
-Ayn Rand's first love poem.

its 10:13 est this thread has offical been derailed.

"Nurse, I'm calling time of Derail. Notify the OP and family... Hopefully we can get them to consider donating the ideas to needy topics."

I must say I always laugh at med advertisements on tv when talking about side effects.

It always shows happy people riding bikes and stuff, while it explains the possibly fatal side effects in a calm voice.

"Lameota can cause blood clots, a third nipple, enlargement of the nut sack, homicidal thoughts and aspirations to become a politician. Do not take Lameota if you have 11 fingers, vote Libertarian or think your pregnant with the Antichrist. Burning sensation when peeing purple may occur in diabetic patients. Consult a doctor if you're a woman and suddenly grow testicles. This may be a serious and fatal side effect that can result in death from the fucking stupidity of those who created this medicine.

Lameota, if you dare."

Bragging about things they did in 1864 shows how lame they've become, what have they done for us lately.

Well, they made PRC from a left-wing totalitarian hellhole into a right-wing totalitarian hellhole.
And Reagan beat the crap out of every citizen of the Soviet Union with his right fist. Because he didn't like the left.

It will be them commieliberalsocialist fools who cause WWIII! Protect America from the communist takeover! Rebuild the Republic and stop Obama! GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE WEST!

Remember kids, we must never insinuate that posters, regardless of their short post history, hyperbolic to the point of absurdity rhetoric, or their questionable adherence to the conventions of grammar, are in anyway anything less than totally sincere.

Hippo? Hippo ain't been seen in these parts for ages, no sir. Just founded the thread, then disappeared for good. We sent out search parties, but all they could find was an American flag lapel, a tear-stained copy of Atlas Shrugged, and a pair of boxer briefs with a bald eagle silk screened across the crotch. However, they say on some nights, when the moon is full and the wind blows in from the west, you can hear the faint strains of "God Bless America" sung in a Finnish accent.

impeach theft
obama is marijuana

CHECKMATE OBAMARIJUANATHEISTS

Ironically, America's National Anthem is about the Valiant Defense of locals against an Imperialist Great Power. The irony of this is certainly to be lost on Hippo.

Not a lot we can do about it? What are you, Canadian?

You can call me a lot of things. A son of a bitch. A bastard. A fucking piece of shit. But don't you ever. I repeat, don't you ever call me a Canadian!

When they fuck up my plain cheeseburger 3/4 times, sure as fuck not $15.00/hr.

If I got paid $15.00/hr I'd make every single cheeseburger into a goddamn filet mignon.

Argh you have no idea how much I want to make a joke about a certain infamous NSer.

Hippocracy: A form of government in which the American right is in full, dictatorial control of all aspects of society

Hippocracy: A form of government in which the American right is in full, dictatorial control of all aspects of society

Hippocracy: A form of government in which a teenager from another country rules with absolute nationalism in the country governed, resulting in very odd looks being passed at the teenager before he stones them to death for not being nationalistic enough.

Putin should win the Nobel Prize in Super-Villainy, for showing us that Bond Style Evil Geniuses don't have to hold the world to ransom with death rays or nukes for gold, they can instead rise to the top of a country through mostly legitimate political means and acquire control of a decent chunk of the world's nuclear arsenal without all that bother of having to worry about whether 007 is banging their mistress.

My favorite band is Jew Oyster Cult.

It's the Jew Öyster Cult! Don't Fear The Cheaper.

But what about Jesús?

What would Jesús do?

Clean out my damn pool if he wants to keep a job, that's what!

Sum Ting Wong
Post To Low
Ho Lee Fuk
Thread Braek Now

Moderators have always done a good job... everywhere and anytime. Of course they have...

Whenever there is injustice, they have always acted as sentinels of righteousness and sorted it out. This fervor for reasoned justice is balanced by an uncommon but necessary restraint. Where populism calls for certain individuals to be hanged without good cause, I have on the whole found the moderators capable of almost divine restraint, calm analysis, and self-control.

Thanks. I just spit my pepsi on the carpet. (Side note, windex takes it right out!)

I'm sorry. I am just in a bad mood because I'm sick. :/

That's your body rejecting all that damn dubstep.

Response to your invasion idea:

A rider comes to the bar.

"Roovians, you have two hours to surrender all of your booze to us," said the rider, "If you do this, we will have peace. If not, you shall drown in blood and fire. Your bar shall be sacked, and your women enslaved, you men burnt alive as they beg for mercy."

Inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfwqvUPIRkg

An alarm sounds and explosions happen outside the Roo.

Narrator: In AD 2013, war was beginning.
Inside the bar:
Bartender: "What happen?"
Waiter: Someone set us up a invasion"
Bouncer: "We get signal.
Bartender: What?!"
Waiter: "Main screen turn on."
Bartender: "It's you!"
Hath: How are you Roovians.
All your booze are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
Bartender: "What you say!"
Hath: You have no chance to survive make your time. Hahahaha.
Waiter: Bartender!

As the Roo is engulfed in flames, the bartender thinks then orders:
Bartender: "Take off every fighter!" Every TV screen turns on with fighter popping up.
The fighters prepare for combat. "You know what you doing. Move fighters."
The Roo is about to explode as fighters begin to take off in numbers. Before it goes up, the bartender bids one last command.

"...for great justice."

Zero Booze 2013.

"If physical force is to be barred from social relationships, men need an institution charged with the task of protecting their rights under an objective code of rules. This is the task of a government—of a proper government—its basic task, its only moral justification and the reason why men do need a government." ~Ayn Rand

An original thought might be nice. I'm sure that as a heroic, original human being who owns his own thoughts and is fully capable of reason, you can make an argument without mooching off of the thoughts and writings of another.

Yes, please try that again, I found the shower scene somewhat disappointing.

Man, you put two attractive women in a group shower together in a TOTALLY casual and normal way, and suddenly YOU'RE the bad guy for having it not immediately lead to copious and wanton lesbionics!
*shakes head disapprovingly*

FUCKING ZOMBIES!!!!

http://www.nationstates.net/page=news

I wouldn't recommend it, they can be rather tempermental, and most of the important parts for that have rotted away anyway... I never will understand Necrophiliacs...

I've taken shits that were better written than Twatlight.

I once used Twilight pages for toilet paper.

My arse felt insulted.

1. TRAITOR!

2. Personally, I love the interpretation that the distortion in Hendrix's version represent the distortion of American values during the Cold War.

One does not simply distort the values of Coca-Cola, Hot Rods, and Duck and Cover.

Is it wrong that I hate reality for not making that true?

It would be awesome if Trans Hit Squad took in 120 mil on opening weekend, and spawned a series of first person shooters that Gamer Magazine would later say "Makes Halo look like a handjob from your fat aunt".

For context:

We interrupt this broadcast to BLOW. YOUR. MIND.

Unless you're JFK.

In which case we interrupt this mind-blowing with a broadcast.

LEAVE THE BUNNY SLIPPERS ALONE! THEY ARE WHATS LEFT OF INNOCENCE IN THIS DARK, CRUEL WORLD!

*Editors note - the bunny slippers in question were killed in action on December 6th, 1942 on Guadalcanal Island*

Well......it is clear that society is turning to support gay marriage. One day in the future, whether it be forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, or eighty years from now (or more) we will see that this institution is legalized throughout the Western World, and that those whom nature did not intend to be in a legal relationship would have that right. All those now, support the turn of the tide, which is not a negative thing, but in this circumstance is illogical. I have wasted my breath arguing for the right, for the right......Oh God, why, why. Gay marriage should never, ever, ever be legalized.

Fear not my friend!
For you've only wasted your bandwidth....

I'll allow it: the answer I was looking for is "a constantly shifting medley of cities in various countries that currently do not have US extradition treaties".
Can't let the rollers get me.
No way.

Snowden? Is that you?

Ew, no.
I'm much better-looking.
Also, Eddie's a homebody compared to me - just kickin' it with Putin like he hasn't got anything better to do. Bet you a dollar he's sleeping on Putin's couch like a bum right now.

Is it wrong that I just imagined you making a Muslim character for the sole purpose of having him fly a bomber into the Fuhrerbunker or Reichstag later on?

Name: Abdul Mohammed Khan
Age: 47
Rank: Abdul does not recognise rank.
Physical Description/Picture: http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/artic ... 07.jpg?v=1
Country of Origin: India
Flight/Flight Combat Experience (MANDATORY): Yes.
Ground Combat Experience: India.
Specialties (air or ground - communications, demolitions, disguises, languages, etc.): Dick jokes.
Weapons of Choice: His bomber, his iron skin, his sunglasses, and dancing.
RP Experience: what is rp.
Personal History/Bio (more than one line please): Once, an angel descended from the heavens and banged a whore. A day later, Abdul emerged, wielding a shotgun. The angels informed him of his destiny - to kill Nazis.

Abdul shall obey his destiny.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" screamed a German pilots as a man flew in the sky toward him. No plane, no nothing. Just the Indian man on a flying carpet, wielding a shotgun. His sunglasses were visible in the daylight, allowing the Nazis to know precisely who this was.

"How the fuck did he get over Berlin?" asked Hans over the radio, nearly pissing himself as the man came closer. "I can't drop bombs, it'd destroy the city-"

"Stay calm, stay calm, just relax." said his commander, though fear was in his voice. "We're trying to get a shot at him from here-"

Bullets and cannon fire flew from the ground at the flying man, exploding when they hit him...but doing no damage, no effect. The man kept coming, before emerging a metre from Hans' plane - and jumping off his carpet.

Hans was not easily scared. He was a hardened warrior, a trained and weary man who was not easily shocked. Hans had been through horrible, terrible things in this ungodly war, including watching his best friend's execution for being a Jew. Hans remained stony-eyed throughout, though his heart had broken inside.

But right now Hans was pissing himself.

The Indian man grinned before taking off his sunglasses. Laser beams burst through his eyes, searing a hole in the glass and hitting Hans in the chest, killing the man immediately and causing him to release the rest of his unfortunate liquids.

"Hans?" asked a concerned voice over the radio. "Are you there?"

Abdul sat on top of the plane now, crossing his legs and chanting "Ommm..." Audible over the radio.

---

"Holy Mary mother of God." muttered Fritz, the commander. He started crying, slowly but surely. "My Fuhrer..." he muttered. "I have failed you..."

He took out a cyanide pill, ready to swallow...when he found his foot tapping.

---

"It's magic, it's magic, I've got the vibe that you need." sang out Abdul as he manipulated the plane across Berlin's skies.

The sound was sent all across Berlin's airwaves, and also audible to the people on the ground. All of them found suddenly dancing along, unable to stop.

---

"God have mercy..." cried out one priest, as he and his altar boy started dancing randomly, unable to stop.

I mean, they had been dancing before, but now it was a totally different and much more horrific.

---

"This is inhumane!" cried out Fritz, trying desperately to swallow his cyanide pill, but unable to get his hand toward his mouth long enough to do so. He tried to throw it toward his mouth, but missed, sending it racketing off.

Then, to his horror, he found himself singing along. "Yeah, ke kachcha nahin kuch bhi pakka nahin kuch bhi, Hota hai jo kuch bhi sab khel hai"

---

Remember that Hans wasn't the sole pilot over Berlin. The others found themselves randomly dancing in their planes, incapable of stopping.This didn't help their ability to fly planes at all.

All across Berlin, planes began smashing into buildings, causing fire, pain, havoc and dancing.

---

Adolf Hitler, crying hysterically in his chamber, realised that a dancing Indian man had crashed through the ceiling and was walking slowly toward him, his shirt somehow flapping in the breeze, even though there was no fucking breeze.

"Kill me..." The Fuhrer tried to mouth, but was incapable of even that.

But instead, the Indian man frowned, looking at Hitler leaping into the air at random intervals and unable to control himself. So instead he grabbed the Nazi leader's hand and started spinning him around, grabbing him and lifting him into the air while they both sang the song. Immediately, the German was crying as he did so.

Eventually, Abdul chucked Hitler away, and the music stopped. The Fuhrer now took a breath, glad the torture had ended. "Why did you stop-"

Abdul merely smiled, pulling out some curry.

"No." The Fuhrer begged.

Abdul began eating the curry.

"Don't, I beg of you!"

Abdul finished the curry, and then drank a glass of water while Hitler tried to beg any God he could find for forgiveness, before realising no loving God would ever do this to him.

Abdul proceeded to break wind. Hitler choked and gagged, falling over dead.

Abdul turned to the reader, grinned and said merely "Well, I never expected that a bit of gas would ever kill someone."

You guys better stop with these puns, before I kick Djibouti.

I Czech this thread and this is what I see?

Are you guys Ghana stop this soon?

Irish you'd stop that. Jamaican me mad.

Syrias, you guys. This is getting out ta hand.

Syrias, you guys. This is getting out ta hand.

Uganda be kidding me, this is still going on?

I demand that this quote be removed. It is an ethnic slur directed to me.

After a thorough double-Czech, It seems okay too me. I suspect you are being too sensitive. Czech out our rules for a better understanding of what is and isn't allowed.

Jesus says we will not know the day or the hour. It will be totally unexpected. So to me that means we do not get an extra thousand years in which to shape up.

He said he would come like a lightning flash from east to west, in the clouds of heaven. Nobody will have time to pack their bags.

I like it, one last experience of outstanding FX.

Plus, I do trust Jesus, and he seemed to honestly believe it would end that way.

That's a scary thought. I won't have a chance to clear my internet history.

For context:

Get over here and fucking hug me.

Innuendo-filled response in 5...4...3...

Extract from Hoyle's Official Registry of Erotic Positions, Vol. II, Page 44:

#67c. The "Fucking Hug":
The name essentially defines itself to the point of redundancy. Not to be confused with Number 98d (the "Upstanding Librarian") or number 117b (the "Hokkaido Hambone" [apocryphal]).
Number of participants: No more than 2-3
Difficulty rating: 4-8.5 out of 10 (depending on the height and physical fitness of participants)

Context:

You're not Arch...

Are you sure I'm not his alt?

Yes, I am 100% certain that you're not me.

For one, you're not even posting from the same continent.

There IS that. Last semester it was an 8am class in a dark room- there was not enough caffeine in the world to keep me alert in there!

Hello, my name is Dank Dill. I sell cocaine and cocaine accessories.

Johnson & Fanny.

Tits & Arse

Just another fun day aboard HMS Sexual Harassment!

RP Name: Nationstates General RPG
RP Creator: Violet
Type (Character, Nation, Faction): Character
Genre/s: Action, Politics, Horror, Comedy
Detailed Description: In the drecks of the interwebz lies a website infamous for its gratuitous racism, bigotry, stupidity, illiteracy and overall disrespect, even on the part of moderators and the likes of that.

It is neither 4chan's /b/, neither Stormfront.

It's NSG.

Now, you are a member of a team of NSG Trolls: make bleeding heart liberals angry by calling yourself a Christian, explode the minds of racists and anti-racists alike by posing as an Euriasian Black Supremacist, post yet another thread on abortion, fail at politics, economics, literature and arts.

Will you top the likes of Hippostania and other famed NSG denizens? We shall see!
Link to the OOC: https://forum.nationstates.net/viewforum.php?f=20

Don't drag the purity of my peoples' bloodlines into this.

I will, TONY.

Don't mention that Uncle Tom to me ever again.
Selling out his heritage to shill cereal...Disgusting.

I think they would all die from your diseases. How would it be different from the Europeans coming?

Instead of a whole lot of Europeans coming, later, it is just one European coming a whole lot, prematurely...

I'm feelin' saxy.

Just don't add a string section.

There's already too much sax and violins in the media.

Krishna Khan™ is a registered trademark of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan.

[Vlorkidor]

The Nuclear Fist and I got into a bout. I'll post my stuff if someone wants them.

Do it!

Full convo:

Me:

I'll go to your house en you're not home, turn on all the lights, leave all the water running, open the refrigerator and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them watse gas. You're gonna start stressing out, your blood pressure will triple, and you'll have a fucking heart attack. You'll be on the operating table at the hospital and the last thing you'll see before you pass out is me standing over you dressing in scrubs. When you wake up, you'll be wondering just what the fuck I did to you while you were under, what kind of ticking time bomb will be in your chest, ready to explode. After you make a full recovery, you'll think it's all over between us. But when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home, I'll run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere.

You sure you wanna try me?

The Nuclear Fist:

I'll become a mailman, and every day put dry dogshit in your mail. You'll keep gettign grossed out, but will have to keep getting your hands covered in dogshit. You'll start recieving death threats from people who don't exist. You'll panic, and start staying inside. You'll get fat and lose your hair. Because you're fat, your health leaves you and you end up having a prostate exam early. I'll put little bits of radioactive dust in your butthole every year, until you develope cancer. In which I'll be the surgeon who has to operate, removing part of your colon and giving you a shitbag. But I'll only give you leaky bags, so you get waste on everyone you meet. You'll become an outcast, and will eventually try to kill youself. You'll jump in front of train, and I'll be there to save your life. While you're thanking me, I'll choke you with a vibrator.

Me:

Already fat, bro. But thanks.

When your next birthday appears, I'll throw you a surprise party at your home. When you get back from work that day, all your friends and family will be in your living room, embreacing you and showering you with love. You cannot seem to find your mom or me anywhere. You go upstairs, and hear thumping noises coming from your bedroom. When you enter the dark room, you'll see a figure pumping up and down on your bed, covered with your sheets. When you lift the sheets, you'll see me on top of your mother's naked corpse, thrusting a knife into her chest, a longer knife than usual. After the mess was cleaned up, and me taken to jail, you'll lay in your bed to fall asleep. But the knife went through your mother, and scratched the living hell out of your matress, making it unbearable sleeping conditions. You find I had stolen all your money and burned it, so you can't afford a new one. You can't sleep on the matress, and you quickly become irritable, being shunned by your friends.

You'll try to kill yourself with a dull knife. I had snuck into your house the day before the party and hacked trees with them, making them virtually useless. You'll have to stab yourself at least 12 times before you bleed out.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

I fully support an India-friendly state ruled by the Dalai Lama that weakens China's power.

Iiiiiin this corner, weighing in at 153 pounds and standing 5'7" tall, we have an Indian nationalist, debating out of Dubuque Iowa, with a record of 16 wins, 37 losses, and one flame. NIIIGHTKILL!

And in the opposite corner...

I dont see it odd at all. India has been welding influence since ages, and has dont no good. If Nepal can get closer to China, then it could do better. As for maoist thing: I dont support most of their policies: but foreign policy is something which I do support.

...we have a Nepalese nationalist, weighing in at 168 pounds and standing 6'1" tall. Debating out of London England with a record of 4 wins, 62 losses and 3 bans. GREAT NEPAL!

The rules of this cage match are simple, no biting, no ad hominems and no debating below the belt.

[Grenartia]

Iiiiiin this corner, weighing in at 153 pounds and standing 5'7" tall, we have an Indian nationalist, debating out of Dubuque Iowa, with a record of 16 wins, 37 losses, and one flame. NIIIGHTKILL!

And in the opposite corner...

...we have a Nepalese nationalist, weighing in at 168 pounds and standing 6'1" tall. Debating out of London England with a record of 4 wins, 62 losses and 3 bans. GREAT NEPAL!

The rules of this cage match are simple, no biting, no ad hominems and no debating below the belt.

I lol'd.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

I lol'd.

I'm still laughing my ass off.

[The Corparation]

Iiiiiin this corner, weighing in at 153 pounds and standing 5'7" tall, we have an Indian nationalist, debating out of Dubuque Iowa, with a record of 16 wins, 37 losses, and one flame. NIIIGHTKILL!

And in the opposite corner...

...we have a Nepalese nationalist, weighing in at 168 pounds and standing 6'1" tall. Debating out of London England with a record of 4 wins, 62 losses and 3 bans. GREAT NEPAL!

The rules of this cage match are simple, no biting, no ad hominems and no debating below the belt.

Best quote of the week.

[Sunny Marionette]

Personally the one about pissing in sand in my sig is pretty good.

[Ceannairceach]

Iiiiiin this corner, weighing in at 153 pounds and standing 5'7" tall, we have an Indian nationalist, debating out of Dubuque Iowa, with a record of 16 wins, 37 losses, and one flame. NIIIGHTKILL!

And in the opposite corner...

...we have a Nepalese nationalist, weighing in at 168 pounds and standing 6'1" tall. Debating out of London England with a record of 4 wins, 62 losses and 3 bans. GREAT NEPAL!

The rules of this cage match are simple, no biting, no ad hominems and no debating below the belt.

I loled for a while.

You're from Iowa?

[Sunny Marionette]

I loled for a while.

You're from Iowa?

You're from Dubuque, Iowa? I live about 45 minutes from there.

[Ceannairceach]

I loled for a while.

You're from Iowa?

You're from Dubuque, Iowa? I live about 45 minutes from there.

I live... *consults map* Four states away...
*Prepares to stalk NK during a cross-country trip*

[Syvorji]

Here is an awesome quote from Katganistan when he locked "Kane School for Girls."

Folks, take your softcore porn off the forums.

It always made me chuckle every time I think about it.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

You're from Dubuque, Iowa? I live about 45 minutes from there.

I live... *consults map* Four states away...
*Prepares to stalk NK during a cross-country trip*

No, he made that up.