World Cup 54: RP thread

[Haginonia]

Haginonia Lose Opening Interzonal

Haginonia have suffered a two-nil defeat in their opening interzonal game against Arda. Haginonia, possibly still on a high after coming first in the zone stage, were just a bit slow compared to their opponents.
"We just weren't up to it," coach Alizs Sakars said after the game, "our players were possibly a bit tired from a long club and qualification period, which will continue after the world cup with the UIFF Champions League for some and the UIFF Cup. But we must push through, whether it means we use some of our fresher players to be competitive and win, then thats what we will do."

Haginonias next game is against Jesselton at the 45,000 seat Nonsense Stadium in Blah-dee-blah. This is a must win game for Haginonia who will need to have at least a draw to keep their world cup hopes alive. Lose and it will be a very tough and long road back into the top three.

MD1
Arda 2-0 Haginonia (Donovan Field, Mariana, 35,000)

MD2
Haginonia v Jesselton (Nonsense, Blah-dee-blah, 45,000)

MD3
Haginonia v Nethertopia (Castle of Night, Brunswick, 60,000)

MD4
Sorthern Northland v Haginonia (Valhalla Stadium, Valhalla, 105,000)

MD5
Cosumar v Haginonia (Adam Levy Memorial Stadium, Catherina, 95,000)

[The Babbage Islands]

Two down, three to go, cutoff for second round interzonals (matchday 12).

Second Round Interzonal Results (MD12)

[Consortina]

SPORTSFLASH Consortina

Consortina deflate under pressure.

In today’s first interzonal match against Starblaydia, a clash of two worlds could be seen. On the one side, there was Starblaydia, a longstanding World Cup veteran with plenty of match experience in their ranks who more or less cruised through zonal stage. Consortina, by contrast, is still an inexperienced side who still has to find their system. This is only exacerbated by the sudden withdrawal of the head coach from the squad. Hartmut Wildgrimson reportedly felt too uncomfortable in the hosting country of Bears Armed. His replacement Mr. Xiaowen Hao never had an engagement as head coach prior and was mainly chosen for his didactic capabilities and scientific training methods rather than his ability to guide a team through a tough match. However, the youth and carelessness of Consortina have worked in their favor before when way stronger sides just failed to land a punch against the tightly packed defense and the quick offensive midfielders lurking for a quick counter.

That being said, Consortina’s usual strategy (deemed ‘Mongoose’ in foreign media several times already) was not enough to keep their opponent’s at bay today. Consortina plays their best games when they can hold the game tied for a while, counting on tension to wear down their opponents more than them. Pretty much the worst that could happen was them scoring a goal mere 127 seconds into the game. Ravenburg got the ball 25 metres out with his back to the opponent’s goal and two defenders rushing towards him. Not having time to control the ball, he just speculatively lobbed it over his head into the area. By chance it dropped towards Mühlbergen who reacted quickly and delivered a shot into the far corner.

Being 1-0 up against a stronger opponent might have had a motivating effect but somewhat surprisingly, Consortina found themselves unable to handle the new situation. They withdrew to their half entirely and tried to play down the lead, not even attempting counterattacks when there was sparse opportunity. This let Starblaydia seize the initiative and allowed them to control the play for free. For the first half, this worked rather well as Consortina managed to not allow too many chances although they relied heavily on the 1on1 prowess of Goldstein and Beer de Shevin who found themselves in need of making a crucial tackle inside the box more than once. Nonetheless with a bit too much luck for comfort, Consortina left the pitch with the lead in their pockets.

If this would have worked for another 45 minutes is a question that can’t be answered anymore. Xiaowen reacted during halftime by removing Leonbert and Toivonen and replacing them with Peace and Zarkov, giving his team even more stability in the defense, albeit at the cost of removing the two players with the most potential for delivering a counterattack. Starblaydia took it as a sign and committed even more forces to the offense, at times even having 9 players hover around the Consortinean box. This type of powerplay eventually wore down even the Mongoose. One attack over Consortina’s right led to the equalizer when Gülyin and Goldstein were successively outmaneuvered. But Starblaydia did not stop there. They still had 20 minutes and they had smelled blood. Relentlessly, they continued their attacks and eventually they were rewarded. Four minutes before the final whistle, Consortina just was too tired to go towards the ball anymore. Collectively, the defense allowed an attacker a shot from 20 meters out. Zorin, who once again played a good game but failed to rally his team, was caught flatfooted and could not reach the ball.

All in all, the 2-1 for Starblaydia was deserved; although we have to wonder if we weren’t robbed of a greater game by something that looked like a lucky coincidence for us at first.

[Cassadaigua]

Snow Sucks.

A MD12 Cutoff doesn't.

Results

[Tarrentum]

Tarrentum Falcons Sporting News

The Falcons had a reality check against a strong Jeruselem team in the opening round of the Interzonals here in Valladares. As we said before, this will be the most difficult interzonal. Here at TFSN we wonder if Cassadaigua had it out for us for our country's recent winning ways in baseball? But the Falcons have to play the lot they have been given.

The match was not a lop-sided affair, really more of just a better team against an "up-and-coming" team. The Falcons were able to put the pressure on Jeruselem with a quick goal 10 minutes into the match from Henry Qund. During his post-match interview Qund was all praises for the Falcons professional demeanor this time around against the fast (and loose) women of Jeruselem. "I can remember back to the Queen's Cup when some 'shinnenagans' went on during the match with one of our players and one of their players. It's good to see just plain being played in the World Cup." The Falcons kept the score at 1-0 throughout the rest of the first half but the women of Jeru came storming back and scored twice in the second half to end the game up 2-1.

While predictions are few and far between, Tarrentum would be ecstatic for a fourth place finish but could very well end up dead last in the Interzonal with no wins and possibly one draw (against Parsaga). This was the reason that the Falcons needed to win their group. Maybe it wasn't quite clear back during the final days of the Zonal Stage but the reason for being the best, not merely adequete to advance, is all to noticeable now. Hopefully the Falcons will use the experience from the 54th World Cup to make a determined run in the coming installments. But, it's only the first match of the Interzonals, there's plenty of football left to play.

---

*Diary excerpt from Daestegwen Dlartanina - post WC53

I have arrived back in Tarrentum and was immediately swamped by sports and entertainment reporters. While a bit overwhelming after my time out of the public's eye in the Queendom, I must admit I have missed it. I am beginning to think that taking and holding onto this job was a great decision. While I am a Sylvanae at heart, I am coming to like this little post-Imperial nation. While their capitalism is a bit extreme, the Supreme President is his own man. A strong executive figure is something that all Sylvanae admire, it is comforting and reassuring to know that your nation, your people, are being led by a competent individual.
...
I am on the flight from Krozuy to Napoliroma for the U21's final team practice before heading to Starblaydia for the Di Bradini. I say that I am not used to the comforts of airline travel, even when the TSC insisted I take first class, I would rather be on the ground, walking through the lush forests and down through the beautiful meadows and valleys of Tarrentum. Alas, it would have taken too long to get the Napoliroma. So here I am, writing in order to distract myself from the idea that I am flying for only the third time in my young life.

My birthday is coming up soon and I have received word today that my father will not be coming to Tarrentum. He called the humans incapable of meeting his needs and so decided to stay in the Queendom. While disappointed, he has been distant ever since my mother was poisoned by the O'kae Faur...I remember my classmates in college asking if I was upset the O.F. did what they did. How could I be? I was only 20 and had no real knowledge of the world. Yet the more I look and interact with these humans I begin to reconsider our conceptions of what age has to do with knowledge. These humans live such short lives and yet look at how many teams compete in the Di Bradini. Under 21, it's as if it is nothing to humans. Comparably, 21 to a Sylvanae of the Queendom is more or less a 5 year old to a human.

Alas, I cannot wrap myself in how I was raised. I have a job to do.

[Tynelia]

“Hello everyone and welcome to ‘Scoreology Today’. I’m Mal Waltman along with Sally Long as always. With Tynelia’s 2-1 mild upset over Kulverint, the team finds itself tied atop the leaderboard with 4 points after facing the top two teams in the group- at least according to rank.”

“That’s right Mal and thanks to this head to head win this could come back to help us out down the road as Kulverint is one of two teams trailing us with 3 points. OF course things still remain tough for us as now we face the 3rd seeded Landau Institute who surprisingly find themselves in need of a win after their upset loss to Sibirsky to find themselves at the bottom of the group with one point. Clearly they will be going all out for this one.”

“That may be but thanks to several noted Tynelian scholars who have sent copies of the ‘Book of Scores’, ‘The Official Biography of the First Prophet Michael McPhee’, ‘The History of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy’ and ‘Trials and Tribulations- Christianity vs. The New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy’ to the Institute for their own studies as there has been interest from their end regarding our faith. No doubt they will be tied up viewing those collected works that that might forget about practicing for our match. At worse the The New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy may find a toehold in another land as the Lord of Scores spreads His scoring touch throughout the world so that all can be united on the pitch.”

“That’s very considerate of them but I’m glad to see someone finally willing to look at matters with an open mind unlike those so-called orthodox from the Archregimancy who try to ferment their heretical viewpoint among the foolish minority in Tynelia who still grasp at those straws. I think most of them have thankfully left our fair lands though according to the last censuses.”

“But enough about that- Tynelia had to earn this one as an early 1-0 lead on a Mia Watson goal was quickly evened up as the defense had a surprising miscommunication allowing an easy breakaway goal. That was how things remained for much of the second half until a surprising first ever international goal from Jesse Jaines off the rebound of an Eric Daniels shot off the post that she managed to fire back at the net before the keeper who have dove towards Daniels close shot was unable to get back moving in the opposite direction to stop Jaines’ shot. With both teams expecting to have settled for a draw at that stage of the match, the boost of this goal gave the defense incentive enough to hang on for the few remaining minutes and get a hard fought win.”

“It’s always great to see the young blood on the team contribute, Jaines was a late match substitution for a tiring Lincoln Davis so after only ten minutes in the match at that point Jaines had fresh enough legs to be where she had to be to put in that huge goal. With only three more matches left, Tynelia could find themselves only a win away from clinching a return to the World Cup proper in less than half the time the original teams did.”

“Let’s not get too excited there Sally. Landau is coming up an upset loss, is higher ranked and absolutely needs points from this match to keep their own hopes alive. While I’m happy to see us still keeping pace with Albundania on points don’t think this is clear sailing yet. Sibirsky has already shown they can pull off an upset as well and we still have to face them. And they’re surely looking to avenge our series sweep against them last Cup. And Az-Mumtaz has shown they can score even against a top five team so our defense will be hard pressed in that match I’m sure. Yes we’re in better shape than most thought but we’re not close to being in the clear yet.”

“You might be right about that Mal but I for one think this could be our time. We have a veteran team, a veteran coach and can compete, I feel, on equal terms with every team left in the group. Especially with confidence boost the first two matches must have provided. I think we’re going to do it.”

“Well if the team can keep scoring two goals a match like today I believe the defense can get them that far. The big question is though- can this scoring keep up the rest of the way. The offense still seems inconsistent to me Sally and I think that will hurt us before the group is over. But the only way to find out is to hang on until kickoff and see how it all plays out. And when it does ‘Scorelogy Today’ will be right there with you to put it all together after the match. Good night everyone.”

[The Babbage Islands]

Host Notice

Cassadaigua and I reside in the path of a huge winter storm. We are now exchanging NSFS files by email just in case one of us gets smacked with a power outage and the other does not. The forecast is for a very interesting 36 hours or so. Each of us will attempt to keep the community up to speed on any developments.

[Cafundeu]

FOLHA DA CAPITAL
O jornal no lugar certo na hora certa da notícia

Edição de Quarta - Ano 240 - Caderno III - Preço: V$3,50

---

ONE DAY AS CELEBRITIES

Differently than the routine of Augusto César's family, the three girls winners of the "most beautiful Monopolist supporter" internet poll didn't wake up early. After all, one day before they had attended a party in one of the most popular places of Eterna City, a city already known for having an excellent nightlife. So, they simply couldn't afford to lose the opportunity to have some fun in the city, even more because the organizers of the competition they won were paying for everything, in exchange of being allowed to use the girls in advertisements and any other events that they got invited. The poll selected the three most voted women, regardless of physical characteristics, but curiously the winners were very different from one another: Tatiana is a tall woman with beautiful body, dark skin and long and curly black hair. Sabrina is a blonde, the shortest of the three. And the third one is Bruna, who has red and short hair, and a more exotic beauty. So, or the Cafundelense supporters who voted really have very differing preferences, or the poll organizers did something in order to adjust the final results to their interests. Either way, the trio sent by the company to Valladares really attracted attention in all places they went. The party they went the day before surely was exhaustive, as they only met me at 15:00, and they were still feeling sleepy, with Bruna complaining of a serious headache. Luckily for them, the match versus Jeruselem is only at 20:30.

They spend some time at the swimming pool. Not swimming, but resting on their chairs. Close to 5 p.m., they went out to have lunch, although they couldn't eat much, as they were only being allowed to travel without spending any money because of their beauty and, after all, because their jobs involve their bodies. No, it's not what you have just thought, they are models. Well, each person finds the better way for them to win a trip to Valladares during this World Cup. Some come as models representing companies, just like these three, while others like I are able to come here as journalists, thanks to a lot of competence during their entire careers. And we cannot forget the politicians, players, officials and those who will work like slaves in order to receive a minimum wage during the interzonals. But, returning to the case of these three, after lunch they return to the hotel and get prepared for the match. It was a long wait for me at the reception, I didn't need so much time to get ready to go to a football game, but they needed. When the three return, Sabrina explains why so much care in this: "They are paying us to attract the supporters, so we can promote the company without much effort. The point is that people must come after us, we don't need to go after them and give them flyers, just like some people do." Hmm, perhaps I should make the same strategy, then, this way I won't have to go after people in order to interview them, it's a hard work.

When we leave the taxi and begin to walk towards the stadium, I can already notice the eyes being directed at the girls. Okay, we cannot deny that the presence of a journalist and a camera also call their attention, as there are some people who seem to be desperate to appear on the television, I don't know why, as most times they appear like complete idiots on it. Anyway, it didn't take much time for some fans to start asking for photos and autographs. More than this, it took much less time than it took in Augusto César's case, and he was a former international footballer. Of course the girls attended all their fans, accepting all their requests to pose and sign shirts and piece of papers. "We're here for this, after all... and we love this! It's really nice to see that people find you attractive and show their admiration for you... of course, without exaggerations. One of my goals when I decided to participate in the poll was exactly to win some fame, some popularity, and I am really enjoying this moments as a celebrity. The Cafundelenses recognize us from the internet poll, and some say that they have voted for me, it's a great feeling", said Bruna, while posing for photos and smiling at her fans. Due to all this, we take half an hour to reach the stadium, and we weren't two blocks away from it! At last, we enter in our section, and get prepared to watch the football match... or at least I thought that we all would be able to watch the game without being interrupted.

I guess I was too naive to think this way. The Alain Tramontin Stadium was filled with reporters and more Cafundelense fans who got much more attracted to the three girls than to the football match going on. I believe that it would be even more intense if Cafundéu weren't playing against Jeruselem. After all, in this specific match there were also girls on the pitch, and therefore some fans could still be focused on the game because of this, even if the women with the sole objective of attracting attention were there too. So, during the entire match, they kept signing autographs, hearing marriage proposals, some nasty comments, and having to smile to all of them at the same time. "Some moments this gets perturbing, but everything has a bad side, we have to endure this", said Sabrina. Bruna also commented: "I love football, but unfortunately it seems that we are not here to follow the sport. I don't know if Sabrina and Tatiana think like me, I believe not, but I was really anxious to come here because I wanted to watch Cafundéu playing. But people don't leave us alone, I simply cannot follow the game, because I'm forced to give them what they want. Too bad we've signed a contract." But perhaps it was for the best that she didn't watch the game. On the pitch, the Monopolists were having one of the worst matches of their history, maybe the second worst, only behind the humiliating loss against Tretskivucia years ago.

Cafundéu suffered more goals, being destroyed on the field, but the three models couldn't take a good look even when the Monopolists scored. When the match ended, they looked to the scoreboard, and Bruna lamented: "Wow, that was pretty bad. Perhaps Cafundelense football is finished... when I was a child, we were one of the best nations in the world." Tatiana didn't seem to be much affected by the result, and left the stadium with a surprisingly happy mood. She commented: "I feel sorry for the guys on the field and all the supporters, but today was one of the best days of my life. I come from a very poor neighbourhood, and I am sure I am making my family proud by being able to travel to a different country and be a celebrity in Cafundéu. The money I'll earn by working for this company is much needed, and this will also open several doors for me in the future... my dream is to become an actress, and I have already received offers to appear in men's magazines and to participate in reality shows, so this trip is the turning point in my life." Yes, her happiness is perfectly understandable then, showing that the World Cup brings much more opportunities than just the one of watching good football matches. In the end, after the girls leave the stadium to go to a private party, I ask one of the supporters about them, and he answers: "They surely deserved to come here, they are beautiful. Too bad that they watched this specific game... at least they gave us something nice to watch, as the match wasn't."

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Sea Dragons Find Some Offense- Ju’Rizii Records Hat Trick

Mace: To The Tick Tock Ya Don't Stop, To The Tick Top Ya Don't Stop

Jonasei: We rocked it out there today!

Ciara: 6-2 and a hat trick for me! Woot!

Emyle: Nice work. Now forget it. We still have to face Starblaydia, Kelssek, and Loonitarian.

Mace: Come inside take off your coat,
ill make you feel at home
Now lets pour a glass of wine
coz now we're all alone,

Kymy: Let ‘em enjoy this one, Emy.

Jonasei: Where does he dig up these songs?

Salis’hava: He is sooooooo Hot!

Ciara: Take a cold shower, girl.

Mace: I've been waiting all nite
so just let me hold you close to me
Coz i've been dieing for you girl
to make love to me

Emyle: Ok. Ok. They do deserve it after such a dominating performance.

Niripsa: I cant wait to play Starblaydia.

Kymy: Just be careful what you ask for, The Purple Peril are not to be taken lightly.

Mace: Girl you make me feel real good,
We can do it till we both wake up
Girl you know im hooked on you
and this is what i'll do,

Jonasei: I just wish he wouldn’t dance. That would make it almost bearable.

Salis’hava: I like the way he dances.

Kymy: We know.

Mace: I wanna love you down
I wanna sex you up,
All nite, you make me feel good
I want to rub you down
I wanna sex you up,

Ciara: I didn’t need to see that.

Emyle: None of us did. And yet we still keep watching him.

Niripsa: No matter how hard I try not to, I always seem to watch him.

Mace: Let me take off all your clothes.
Disconnect the phone so nobody knows.
Let me light a candle,
So that we can make it better.
Makin' love until we drown.

Salis’hava: It’s his animal magnetism.

Jonasei: Whatever.

Emyle: Maybe you should focus that hard on defending.

Mace: Girl, you know it feels real good.
We can do it 'til we both wake up.
Girlyou know I'm hooked on you.
And this is what I'll do.

Salis’hava: What’s wrong with my defending?

Ciara: It could use a bit more passion.

Kymy: it’s kind of bland.

Mace: I wanna love you down
I wanna sex you up,
All nite, you make me feel good
I want to rub you down
I wanna sex you up,[/I]

Jonasei: Just play the way mace used to.

Emyle: Or think about getting a kiss from him for every brilliant play you make.

Kymy: Don’t tell her that. She’ll be to hot and bothered to play at all.
Mace: Make sweet lovin' all night long...
I wanna sex you up
Feels so right it can't be wrong...
Don't be shy girl rescue me...
i wanna sex you up
Open up your heart and I'll set you free…

Salis’hava: (sighs)

Emyle: Yeah. I see that now…

[Consortina]

(wow...I'm glad that my post is possible with Andossa's. I would have hated to edit this. Funny that we both gave a hattrick to the same player)


HISTORY OF SPORTS: Personal Greatest Moments

by Emine Ketewan, Minister for Aesthetic Education, Consortina

Andossa se Mitrin Vega – Consortina 6:3

It is easy to say in hindsight, but we all knew that it would become a special game before it even started. Both teams had lost their first match and were in a must-win situation. The tension was tangible in the arena that was only filled one half with humans. The local fans, mostly Ursines, gave the place an atmosphere that had a special touch to it. Some found it eerie (amongst them our not too brave coach, I might add), but personally I found that it added a special touch to the game. Bears have their own, distinct, ways to celebrate good play and they certainly had lots of opportunities. Resounding roars filled the arena five times during the first half – each time Andossa scored against us.

It is hard to put a finger on what was different this time. The defense had been our team’s strongest asset in the past games and the ability to hold opponents at bay without allowing too many chances was crucial in advancing as far as we got. That said, Andossa just outclassed us AND our team just had an off day, at least for the first half. Our two holding midfielders routinely had to double the Andossan No10, Kijari, and even then they could only rarely stop his solo runs. The captain, our most experienced and most seasoned player, got his backside handed to him by a girl almost half his age. And on the wings we were overrun time and time again. At times it looked like Andossa had two extra players on the field, so quick were they to shift players between defense and offense, always having more men – and women, don’t let me get started on the ridiculous conflict that overshadowed the team at the time – near the ball. I caught myself twice proofcounting the number of players. Inexorably the goals trickled in. Ciara Ju’Rizii scored a perfect hattrick in mere 23 minutes, making Titus Goldstein look like a pushover. She was complemented by Kielquew Kijari who cut through the defense like a hot knife through butter. We were lucky that he only finished two of his countless runs. And each goal just added more insecurity to our defenders.

When the halftime whistle finally finished the ordeal, our team just stood around on the pitch for a while, as if they had failed to realize that the game had already begun. Only after Andossa had already left, they marched off to the tone of deafening silence from the ranks. No cheers, no abuse from the ranks – there just was no appropriate reaction. And during the endless 15 minutes everyone on the ranks wondered what was going to happen. Would the team even come out? Would the new coach replace as many as he could? But how would he choose the eight players that had to stay? We only knew for sure that we would not want to be in the shoes of anyone in the Consortinean squad. When the teams reemerged for the second half, we saw to our mild surprise that no substitutions had happened. To me and the friends I visited the game with it was a fair solution, though. This game was over already and why should reserve players become demoralized as well?

The game, however, was not over yet. It became clear right from the beginning when Andossa tried to create an opportunity for Kijari only for the large midfielder suddenly be harshly tackled from behind by Aiko Ravenburg – a player who spent most of the first half standing around, waiting for someone to conquer the ball so he could do anything. Now he and the rest of team started fighting. They didn’t fight pretty but they fought. Never before had I seen aestheticism in disruptive tactics but this time it just felt right. After the humiliation of the first half, tactical fouls and rough play seemed to be a rather minor infraction of the idea of fair play. Within a few minutes, three players received their first yellow card but the harm had be done – Andossa had noticeably lost their pace and our team was actually controlling the ball from time to time. Of course they still conceded chances to their opponents but the defense was more alert, the final tackle started to work and, bluntly speaking, the luck returned.

The first round of cheers only happened after the 1-5, though. Had the goal happened any other way, it might even have gone uncelebrated. But the counterattack over Goldstein, Reich, Leonbert and finally Ravenburg was a symbol of hope. Not only did it match the attacks that brought us success in the prior games but it also featured the players who were most outmatched in the first half. The small success awoke our team and for a short while they dominated the game, demonstrating the skill that had brought them here. The wingmen got through several times, finding Mühlbergen and creating play. Despite the odds still stacked terribly against us, the mood on the stands was wonderful. We didn’t care about the result, we just wanted to see our team play. The 2-5 and 3-5 eventually fell and we even dreamed about turning the game around. Still there were fifteen minutes to go – but then luck turned against us once again.

It was Ariq’Alara who delivered the final touch – the one Andossan player that our defense could handle comparatively well was suddenly the one to kill all hope. His shot from 25 meters was beautiful to behold, for a neutral observer I guess. To us it was a sting in the heart. Still, it was admirable to see Consortina not giving up hope for a second. Goldstein just grabbed the ball and punted it to the halfway line to enable a quick kickoff. Within seconds, the team focused once more, starting their attacks once again. But it was to no avail. Andossa had regained their confidence and held tight. Attack after attack was repelled to the cheers of the stands. With the minutes ticking down, the hopes became increasingly unrealistic but neither the play nor the cheers slowed down. This wasn’t about victory anymore. This was about not giving up.
When the final whistle ended the game, the score still read 3-6 against Consortina but the fans cheered for the team nonetheless, demanding for coach and team to join them in front of the gates. Tomorrow we all would sit in our respective hotels, munching down stale breakfast in frustration and checking flight plans. But that night we celebrated what we could.

[Bears Armed]

Here we are, as promised _

Bears Armed: A Guide for Visitors

Bears?

Yes, mostly so, but thinking Bears who can speak as Humans do, who have hands with opposable thumbs, who usually walk on their hind feet and who often wear clothes.
These Ursines are about 95% of the country’s population, with the remainder mostly divided (quite evenly) between Humans, Harr’aynau (who look more or less Human, but are who spiritually & culturally Ursine instead…), and the SmithFolk (who rather closely resemble the peoples whom some other nations know as ‘Dwarves’, but who reject that label…), with smaller minorities of talking [‘Giant’] Pandas, talking Ravens, talking Otters, talking Foxes (of three kinds), and several other [and less numerous] Peoples as well.

However if you see somebody leading what appears at first glance to be a small Human around on a lead and very possibly unclad, or see such creatures displayed in any shop windows, don’t worry: Those aren’t real Humans being kept as domesticated animals, those are actually examples of our ‘national animal’ the Goldilocks which might be distantly related to Humans but are only non-sapient (and roughly comparable to monkeys in intelligence) and that comprise a separate species to which our country's biologists have given the binomial ‘scientific name’ of Yahoo aureatus.


Armed?

Sometimes, yes. That part of the nation’s name actually commemorates its origin as a defensive alliance, but a lot of people are part-time members of their Clans’ militias and might be carrying weapons around for that reason, people from certain groups tend to carry weapons of particular kinds because of their cultural traditions, and as there are no rules to forbid this some people might choose to carry weapons around just because they can…

Yes, visitors from abroad maybe could obtain permission to carry “cultural” weapons of their own, but this would need to be negotiated diplomatically.


But the World Survey says?

For some reason, perhaps because its staff simply haven’t plucked up the courage to actually visit our country yet, that Survey’s report about this nation contains a number of glaring errors:

Firstly, we do have a national government — although admittedly one of rather limited scope — and aren’t by any means an ‘Anarchy’ as the report claims. Also, the various Clans & other ‘Confederated Bodys’ that collectively comprise this Confederation each have governments of their own that pass laws to apply within their own jurisdictions.
Secondly, our total population — for the ‘Mainland’ and ‘Northlands’ combined — is only around twenty million, rather than well in excess of ten billion as the Survey ridiculously suggests.
Thirdly, those organised groups of armed Bears whom you might see going around on motorcycles aren’t just ‘biker gangs’ as the Report’s compilers have assumed, they are actually our traditional cross-Clan ‘Warrior Societies’ who are the closest thing that we have to a national police force but who — although certainly highly mobile — are by no means anywhere near as “all-pervasive” as it says in the Report… and they are generally respected, and even admired, rather than ”feared” [as the Survey erroneously claims] by the rest of our population. Riders from some of those Societies will, in fact, be helping to provide official security at this contest’s three stadiums_
Wimbley: the ‘Bad News Bears’ Society;
NorthPort: the ‘Cold Warriors’ Society;
New Grafford: the ‘Big Bad Bears’ Society.

However that Survey is correct about the happy-go-lucky nature typical of our people, the stunningly high (especially for such an ‘advanced’ nation) quality of our environment, the presence here of many first-class museums and concert-halls, and the verrry low crime-rate.


Climate and Environment

The ‘Mainland’ section of our country, in which two of the three venues chosen for this tournament are situated, is landlocked and has uplands along large sections of its borders. Being located in the ‘middle latitudes’ and not too far from the seas, this means that it basically has a temperate climate of the ‘Cool Continental’ type: However the presence of the Long Lake moderates this slightly for the Council Groves/Wimbley area whilst the prevailing winds due to the pattern of high & low ground — as well as a more southerly location — help to make WestPort rather more comfortable than might otherwise have been expected. Your visit will be in the early Summer, so conditions at those venues should normally be warm but not hot with rain fairly infrequent (and tending to be not over-heavy when it does fall) and other forms of precipitation unlikely.
Most of the land in this section is well-wooded, right up to the tree-line, even around (and sometimes within) the farmed areas and the towns.

The ‘Northlands’ are situated rather further north than that, of course, but the influence of a warm current that flows up this region’s western edge helps to keep NorthPort — where the third of the three stadiums for this ‘Interzonal’ is located—reasonably comfortable at this time of year as well: Visitors there can expect it to be cool but not cold, with light rain now & then and also occasional morning mists. Woodland is present in the more temperate areas, including the ‘Pale’ around your immediate destination, but there are also significant expanses of scrubland, heath & moor, high-altitude grassland, and a type of low vegetation called ‘Marrharr’ that occurs along some coastlines as well as on various of the many outlying islands.


Entrance Restrictions

Legal entry into Bears Armed requires a visa, which may be obtained in advance either from one of our own consulates — if you have access to one of these — or through your own nation’s consulate here if it has one. They may also be obtained at any of the official ‘ports of entry’, although that will cause delays in your journey and is not recommended. National governments and approved organisations, such as Football Associations whose teams are due to play here, can arrange for visas on a ‘group’ basis (in that case to cover accompanying fans as well, if tghey so choose…) as long as they are willing to accept a reasonable degree of legal responsibility for the actions of the people involved, and may even apply for the right to have any disputes that might arise amongst that group’s members whilst here — although not disputes that might arise between any of them and anybody from outside the same group — judged by their own officials instead of by ours.
We reserve the right to refuse entry to anybody who has been convicted of, or who is fleeing trial on charges of, certain serious crimes. People who are carrying contagious diseases and/or parasitic organisms that could spread to inhabitants of this country may also be barred from entry, except in the case of such mild ailments as the common cold.

Slavery is illegal within Bears Armed, any slaves who might be brought across the border will automatically become free people as soon as they set foot on our soil, and anybody bringing them here for any reason other than to free them is likely to face criminal charges.

Foreigners cannot legally sell any goods on a retail basis within Bears Armed unless they obtain trading licences beforepaw from the relevant local authorities: In the case of any would-be vendors who will be entering the country amongst the visitors to sporting competitions such consent is likely to be granted only for purveyors of either ‘ethnic’ food &/or drink that would not otherwise be available locally or their own teams’ souvenirs.


Import Restrictions

Items in the following categories may not legally be brought within Bears Armed under any circumstances_
Nuclear weapons, biological weapons (if capable of harming sapient beings); zombies or any other form of corporeal ‘undead’ (whether or not they themselves are sapient); ‘crooked’ versions of gambling equipment.

Items in the following categories may only be brought into Bears Armed legally if a special permit has been obtained for this purpose, which would normally not be possible for casual visitors_
Chaos-tainted organisms; any items or foodstuffs that have been made wholly or partly from Bears, Pandas, Otters and/or Foxes, whether sapient or not, or from Humans, Harr’aynau or SmithFolk; biological weapons (capable of affecting only non-sapient beings), ‘military-grade’ weapons, armed vehicles, cages, traps, bile-tapping kits, torture implements; wolves, rats, venomous reptiles, any creatures that feed habitually upon bees; any livestock or organic material that is currently infected by parasitic or pathogenic organisms, or any other samples of such organisms; ‘Violetist’ literature &/or ritual paraphernalia, or ‘grimoires’ concerning the summoning of demons; ‘Kudzu’ plants; ‘low-alcohol’ or alcohol-free versions of any drinks that would normally be expected to contain significant levels of alcohol.


Currency

The national currency of Bears Armed is based on the Thaler, which is nowadays a silver coin. Its main subdivisions are the ‘Shilling’, also silver, and the bronze ‘Penny’: Eight pennies = one Shilling, eight shillings = one Thaler. Coins may be issued by a number of different sources, and although the weights and purities for these three units are standardised across the nation the moneyers are allowed a greater freedom with respect to whatever other denominations they choose to produce. Our currency is legally defined as ‘fully convertible’ into foreign moneys. If you don’t like the rates offered by one currency exchange then shop around and you might find a better one.
And remember, that use of ‘Base-Eight’ numbering extends to most other uses of numbers here as well, so if you see a number written as ‘10’ then that actually means Eight rather than ‘Ten’ (i.e. Eight-and-two) and so on…


General Notes

Time-keeping: many inhabitants of this country still keep time according to sun-dials, with eight ‘Watches’ between sunrise & the following sunset (and, although of course they have to be measured in other ways, four more ‘Watches’ from then back around to the next sunrise), but in the more cosmopolitan cities such as those that will be hosting this tournament’s games conventional clocks — usually with ‘twelve-hour’ dials — are now quite common and time told according to these is understood by most of the locals. It is this “clock time” that will, of course, be used for all official purposes by the competition’s organisers.
Leaflets containing watches-to-hours conversion tables for the current season in the areas to be visited are available from all Bears Armed Tourism Agency offices.

Religion: We have a relatively small Christian minority in this country (comprising about five percent of the total population), divided between several sects, and an even smaller Jewish one. The other religions practiced here are apparently all basically unknown abroad, except in some of the [relatively few] other nations that have Ursine elements in their populations. There is almost full freedom of worship for both locals and visitors, providing that the practices in question do not infringe upon anybody else’s rights: The only religions that are actually banned, on the basis that their followers generally do try to harm outsiders, are ‘Chaos’ cults and Violetism.
The local Calvinist Christian churches, Greek Orthodox Christian churches, and Jewish synagogues are of course open to foreign members of the relevant faiths as well as to native ones. (Visitors are advised that the ‘Roman Catholic’ Christian Church that has dioceses in this country is not in fact the same as any Church of the same name that exists outside this region…)
Followers of any other legal religion should find it possible to book premises for use as temporary centres.



Etiquette: Bears tend to favour direct speech, but people are advised not to start throwing insults around unless they’re willing to defend their words. Remember, there is a good reason why “An armed society is a polite society”.
Pregnant females and females accompanied by children, of any sapient species, normally have the right of way over everybody else… and visitors should probably give them somewhat more space than they would do back home, too.
If a local says something along the lines of “I smell you” or “I smell that” then he is probably just using the verb ‘To smell’ in the sense that most Humans would use ‘To see’ instead, rather than implying that you have a particularly strong or bad odour.
Clothing is generally optional in most parts of Bears Armed (although generally advisable for Humans in the Northlands, or in winter), at least as long as you don’t have a disfiguring ailment of the skin, hair or fur, but in the more cosmopolitan cities it will usually be worn by most people except perhaps young cubs… and of course certain religious groups may well object to public nudity within their own jurisdictions: If in doubt, ask first…

Law: If visitors behave according to common sense then they should be okay here. Relatively few things are illegal anywhere in Bears Armed that wouldn’t also be illegal in most other countries too, at least as long as you accept all sapient beings as having the same rights as Humans do (which you really should if you’re going to come here), and allowances for foreigners’ ignorance might be made in the event of minor transgressions against more ‘endemic’ rules anyhows. However you are advised that the courts are allowed to accept genuine provocation as full mitigation for acts of violence. Duelling is legal, at any level up to “to the death”, as long as everybody who is going to be involved registers this fact with the relevant authorities beforepaw.

(OOC: still to come is the ‘Food and Drink’ section…)

[Landau Institute]

OFFICIAL REPORT FROM LANDAU INSTITUTE SQUAD
topics: underperforming; next match preparations

Such a fall on our footballing performance quality is something worth studying, but we have received the official note you, masters of the Institute, sent us. We agree with your worries that our lack of efficience is going to harm our long-term plans, since a great deal of our objective during these qualifiers is to qualify in order to be able to study more in The Babbage Islands or Cassadaigua. Therefore, before trying to make any extra study, we need first to discover what is going wrong in our team right now. Was it our playing formation? Skinner doesn't seem to be much secure on goal, taking too much attention on the behaviour of our opponent players and didn't looking at the ball in most moves. The defence seems right enough, as we like the pattern we created by fielding three players whose surnames start with the letter W. As for the midfield, in theory it should be considered a stellar one, with Bandura having to handle things after they have been passed through the other midfielders, and Klein, Lacan and Jung responsible for the creation of goal chances. As for the attack, we have been somewhat disappointed by Adler, who is not scoring many goals and sometimes seems to be away from discussion, while Freud and Piaget take the entire responsibility of being the offensive force of the Institute. We need to have a meeting in order to consider changes in our strategies, so our qualification won't be seriously threatened.

More than this, such a meeting is necessary to be done right now because our next match will be a very important one for our studies. We have been considering the game versus Tynelia to be the one in which we'll receive the biggest amount of information about their customs, especially because we've heard that they are seriously willing to contribute. Great minds they are, allowing us to know more about them without any second intentions, we are sure of this. Our expectation for this match is so high that we are preparing in the stadium a special analysis room, complete with chairs and objects for use, which will be located close to our bench. Anyone at the stadium is free to be a voluntary, and several of our players will be working in this improvised room. This expectation is assured to give us a lot of motivation for the next match and, when the anthem singer starts reading our selected excerpt of Totem and Taboo as our anthem, we'll get truly focused on getting one more win... I mean, our first win in this stage.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Mahathu's Number One English Language Daily

Sanchez Transfer Rumors Confirmed

Qichechumadia Zhabi - We at the Mahathu Herald have done some research and it appears that the recent breaking news regarding Pretty Awesome Persons manager Steven Sanchez is based in truth. Urajbina ZL are reported to be in talks with Sanchez and a whopping contract that could be worth over 6.5 million rubliyals (over 2.5 million USD) over two years. If this deal is the one the the Pretty Awesome Persons coach signs, it would make him the third-highest paid manager in the sixteen-team First Division after only Nemešiabhi Ja of Zhevassi and Ugo Stowell of Angels at 65,000 rubliyals a week.

The club in question, Pazhujebi giant Urajbina, is coming off a strong third-place season and has its eyes set upon the league's top spot for next season. The sides that would stand in their way seem to be Zhevassi, Therakham, and Juvapanam, the latter being the defending champion. Sanchez would have at his disposal lethal striker Charha Chadi, up-and-coming young defensive midfielder Vsevolod Ogorodov, and apparent national team starter Aqhorassia Bhara.

Meanwhile, the managers assumed to replace Sanchez are indeed the Kagdaz Prosha Tsilevich and the Pazhujebi Khuzhu Uthassišabipa. Neither manager is speaking to the media about their talks with the Pretty Awesome Persons FA.

(EDIT, OOC, TO HOSTS: I felt PAP was owed a response in this thread, rather than in the K&P Sportswires thread where a post like this would usually go. As such, I would like to humbly request that my later "Diary of Baba Yaga" post be used to adjudge any RP bonus awarded to the Federation for this matchday, rather than this post.)

[Kelssek]

Mikhail Gobrynin was feeling quite satisfied with the trip, absurd as its premise was, to bring talented syfirithà - the fancy word the elves of the Eryn Firith called themselves - to the Kelssekian national football team. With the help of Davís, his fellow NSN television football pundit who, it turned out, was also an elf who had blended unsettlingly well into the human world. If Davís was part of a sleeper fifth column, hopefully they would be kind overlords.

While his sense of time had gone completely to pot in the elven forests, which operated on an entirely different timescale and pace of life, Mikhail was pretty sure it had been several months since they had left Kirkenes, and by now another World Cup must have gotten underway. That meant the NSN must have gone into a right panic at their two most competent talking heads having gone missing. Not to mention Mikhail's family. His wife would surely have reported him missing and perhaps even gone mad from grief and been admitted to a mental health facility. Or she might have sold the apartment, taken the kids, and moved to Bazalonia. It was probably pointless to care about such things at this stage, and besides, there was something about the forest which just made him happy, as if there was something in the air that just prompted him to feel an enveloping sense of love and well-being. Perhaps a scentless magical cannabis smoke was being constantly wafted through; who knew.

With extensive scouting, interviewing, and cajoling, they had gotten three of the elves to agree to come with them and try out for a spot on the national team. The scheme might just work. Mikhail knew for a fact that Football Kelssek were displeased at the overall slump in the national team's stature and fortunes of late - though certainly many other football associations would run genocides to get to where Kelssek was - and pressure was building up on the coaching and management team that had guided and built these foundations. As cruel as it was, the hard work of Tupper et. al. had raised expectations and they were on the verge of being architects of their own downfall. They surely could not ignore these exciting prospects, who probably had magical powers to boot.

Nevertheless, Davís seemed to be in a black mood, judging by the tone of the discussion taking place in the living room.

"I told him all about it. He never said anything then. Only now, when everything's ready and in place, does his step in and start complaining. That silly whinger has got his head stuck in the past. He thinks everything is still as it was, he forgets, or he just doesn't understand, how quickly things change and move in the human world."

"Son, just let him think what he wants to think. What does it matter? He can't stop you can he?"

"He can certainly make it very difficult, though. If the elders are against it, it could undermine everything."

Davís was becoming increasingly frustrated by the sudden objections, now that the plan was on the verge of execution, of some of the elders to having an elf play for the Kelssekian national team. While no syfirithà required permission to depart or reside outside the forest, their opinions nevertheless could sway others into objecting too. And that was liable to break the nerve of some of the less independent-minded players. Adapting to the lifestyle and the difficult time they were sure to endure to get a shot at the national team would be psychologically as well as physically tough, and the last thing he needed was for the players he was shepherding to be worried about leaving a trail of unrest at home and have their minds in the wrong places.

[Pretty Awesome Persons]

PAP Sports
PAP Draw Against Bears Armed

Bears Armed 1(Lightning '25)
PAP 1 (Zizi '86)

Bears Armed got through the defense early in the first half, getting Steven Sanchez visibly frustrated.

Steven Sanchez after scoring Lightning scored.

After that goal, The game pretty much consisted of much passing in the midfield, with Gonzalez barely ever reaching the penalty box. Zizi and Mendoza only managed to get 3 crosses in the box in total, with one of those crosses reaching Gonzalez but due to fact that he's 5' 10", he couldn't quite head it right. Figo created several plays, but The Bear-Belles' defense easily stopped any play from being successful.
But then, in the 86th minute, a beautiful cross from Mendoza reached the much taller (6' 2"), Louis Zizi. As the ball reached Zizi, time seemed to slow down. He smacked the ball right into the back of the net and equalized the game, in the dying moments of the interzonal match. The game was over. Zizi had equalized the game and we now had 1 point. We are now currently placed 5th in the table, above Novikov, who is our rival in the next match.

PAP vs Novikov

Novikov is ranked 46th, ranked lower than Landau Institute who is ranked 38. Meaning, we have a chance of defeating them. Steven Sanchez has once again decided to go with the super defensive 6-4-0 formation we used vs. Landau Institute.

Lineup vs Novikov:
Formation: 6-4-0
Style Modifier: -2

------------------Roderick------------------

-----Taylor-----Ramos-----Henry-----Herrera-----Martin-----Zepeda-----

------Zizi------Mendoza------Gonzalez-------Figo------

Steven Sanchez to Kagdazka & Pazhujebu

Yes, the rumors have been confirmed today by several K&P newspapers. Urajbina ZL, who ended up third last season, has expressed their interest in PAP's national football coach. Urajbina ZL has offered Steven Sanchez around A£ 4.9 million over two years, making him the third highest paid manager in the 16-team K&P league.
Sanchez has revealed that he HAS accepted the contract deal, with the condition that he is allowed to continue managing PAP until the CoH or WC is over. Also, 53-year old Prosha Tsilevich (Kagdaz) will be the next manager of PAP after Sanchez departs. He's big on defense, but with a mainly offensive squad, he hopefully adjusts to the team's players and tactics quickly.

Interzonal Schedule:
MD1 - @Dyurtyuli, Kagdazka: Pretty Awesome Persons 1-3 Aguazul
MD2 - @Oktyabrsk, Kagdazka: Bears Armed 1-1 Pretty Awesome Persons
MD3 - @Zhevassi, Pazhujebu: Pretty Awesome Persons (69th) v Novikov (46th)
MD4 - @Urajbina, Pazhujebu: Bostopia (28th) v Pretty Awesome Persons (69th)
MD5 - @Pkethat Šede, Pazhujebu: Pretty Awesome Persons (69th) v Burchadinger (60th)

[Haginonia]

Haginonia Crush Jesselton to Keep World Cup Hopes Alive

Haginonia have crushed Jesselton 5-2 on matchday two of the Delaclava Interzonals at Nonsense Stadium, Delaclava. This win has made up for their two-nil loss on matchday two and keeps Haginonias chance of qualifying a possibility. Haginonia now move up into fourth position form last and are equal with Arda in third position.
"This is a great result," coach Aloizs Sakars said at the post match press conference, "our boys bounced back really well and hopefully this leads to another string of wins and we can get into the top three and ultimately qualify for the World Cup."

Haginonia will now play top placed Nethertopia who have two wins in the opening two games. Haginonia will need to be very tight in defence and very creative in attack as Nethertopia have scored six goals in their first two games while not conceding any. It will be the toughest game in the interzonals for Haginonia and a draw will be good enough going into matchday 3.

Delaclava Interzonal Standings

   Team                    P  W D  L For Ag +/- Pts
 1 Nethertopia             2  2 0  0  6  0  +6  6
 2 Sorthern Northland      2  2 0  0  5  1  +4  6
 3 Arda                    2  1 0  1  3  5  -2  3
 4 Haginonia               2  1 0  1  6  5  +1  3
 5 Cosumar                 2  0 0  2  0  4  -4  0
 6 Jesselton               2  0 0  2  3  8  -5  0

MD1
Arda 2-0 Haginonia (Donovan Field, Mariana, 35,000)

MD2
Haginonia 5-2 Jesselton (Nonsense, Blah-dee-blah, 45,000)

MD3
Haginonia v Nethertopia (Castle of Night, Brunswick, 60,000)

MD4
Sorthern Northland v Haginonia (Valhalla Stadium, Valhalla, 105,000)

MD5
Cosumar v Haginonia (Adam Levy Memorial Stadium, Catherina, 95,000)

[Jesselton]

News deleted. No news is getting out of the Jesselton's border. Hail the new regime.

[Jeruselem]

After Jeruselem destroyed a rather pitiful Cafundéu 5-1 in the 2nd interzonal game in Valladares

Helena: 5 goals, that's more like it!
Kate Kool: Admittedly our opponent played really badly today.
Helena: That doesn't matter, one can play badly and still win. It's making the most of your opportunities.
Kate Kool: They were always helping us out at times.
Helena: Well, two wins so far. It's good! Considering we just beat the top seed in our group.
Kate Kool: So two more wins would seal our spot in the finals.
Helena: Pretty much.
Kate Kool: We're getting better, our zonal games were pretty rubbish.
Helena: Hey, we doing it as team. Togetherness ... togetherness.
Kate Kool: GIRL POWER!
Helena: Hey hey, we have men in our team too.
Kate Kool: But it was the girls who really upset the Cafundéu team spirit.
Helena: Women running amok, nothing worse.
Kate Kool: We're not doing too badly then.
Helena: Our army boys seem to be just moving along too.
Kate Kool: Yes, BEER POWER for them.
Helena: I'm sure they are downing a few kegs right now.
Kate Kool: With some girls wearing very little ...
Helena: Well, at least they are honest perverts.
Kate Kool: What's with those pretty girls from Cafundéu today?
Helena: I don't know, I don't see the fuss. Sure the girls maybe the prettiest Internet girls from Cafundéu, but us Jeruselemites see pretty girls everyday.
Kate Kool: Mainly because the ugly ones don't appear in public?
Helena: If you got the goods, show it. No point wasting your good looks while you have them.
Kate Kool: We do attract a lot of perverts.
Helena: Who cares, we're gooding looking and play football very well. Looks and substance!
Kate Kool: We're lucky, we have money and looks ... and a bit of influence.
Helena: God put us here for a reason. Sure we're not perfect, but no one is.
Kate Kool: I must say them girls from Cafundéu were just as good looking as ours.
Helena: Well, they are best from that nation. Not all girls are going to be like them. Not all Jeruselem girls are like us either.
Kate Kool: But the media is obsessed with appearance and looks. Why can't we have more ordinary folk on TV.
Helena: The media reflects the society, do we want fat stupid people being idiots on TV all the time?
Kate Kool: Err, good point.
Helena: That's why most media people are relatively good looking. First appearances matter.
Kate Kool: It's good my Mum was a pretty girl. Mind you, your entire family is blessed with looks.
Helena: Selective breeding ... don't have babies to losers.
Kate Kool: What about those Jeru FC boys?
Helena: Err, some of them have good genes. We got lucky and picked out the best ones ...
Kate Kool: Most of them are idiots.
Helena: But they can play football, there's some good out them.

[Novikov]

Novikov Hopes to Rally Against PAP!

It has been a dissapointing interzonal competition for Vlajka-Košile so far. With the team flying high after a big win over rivals Virabia, the team traveled to frigid Kagdazka to face 28th-ranked Bostopia in their first-ever interzonal match. Despite a warm reception by the local Russian peoples, the Novikovian team seemed out of sync. While both starting midfielders L. Cvrtlanik and V. Jež were sidelined in the match, Novikovian coach Gabčík made no excuses for his team's performance. "Our ball-handling was clumsy and we simply allowed the Bostopians too many chances to score. Still, you've got to hand it to [keeper] Rybak - four really close saves today and he's only allowed eight goals in eleven matches. Next time, I just hope the rest of the team can play up to the standard he's setting."

The next match was another loss to 13th-ranked Aguazul. Despite playing a higher-ranked opponent, the Novikovian team seemed to perform better as a unit. Lech Cvrtlanik was able to return for the match, and the Novikovian midfield seemed to flow much better, exhibiting a much more coherent attack and actually managing a goal on the tough Aguazul defense. However, their opponent's players' technical superiority showed , picking up two quick goals in ten minutes. Even though they faced their second day of defeat, the team's performance seemed much more promising.

After the loss to Aguazul, coach Gabčík spoke briefly about the upcoming match against Pretty Awesome Persons:

Q: "Are you disappointed about the loss tonight [against Aguazul]?"

A: "Of course, but we played much better tonight. Zupan had a great game, as did both Cvrtlaniks. I think we surprised them by coming out and scoring early. [Laughs...] We all knew we were up against long odds coming into this match. I think all, said, this is as good as we could have hoped. The team seemed to be coming together. In the locker room after our last match [against Bostopia], I have to admit I wondered whether we might just fall apart. Not so tonight."

Q: "Are you concerned that the team won't find the momentum to win tomorrow against PAP tomorrow?"

A: "I'm always concerned... But seriously, anything can happen. Still, I feel confident that my players will come together for a big win. We need it, and they know that. We didn't come here to loose. Pretty Awesome Persons has a strong team, and they've done well to get so far. But I think we have a clear advantage in experince and skill. Their offense isn't so strong, so that should keep the pressure off Rybar. I think it will come down to our ability to move the ball in the midfield and creat opportunities to shoot."

Q: "Prediction?"

A: "[He smiles mischieviously and lights a cigarette.] 3-1 Novikov."

[Cotdelapoms]

Sacha Chrétien: A Man Apart!

Cotdelapoms suffered a disappointing 1-0 defeat to The Holy Empire in their second match of the Newmanistan Interzonal in qualification for the 54th World Cup, but find themselves even on goal differential and in a large cluster of teams on 3 points, meaning they are still in just as good a position as anyone else to qualify for the real tournament. Even getting this far has been a huge success for our national team, who still sometimes fail to get much respect on the international scene. Yet, as we experience an overwhelming chill and powerful blizzards back home, over in Newmanistan our Apples are warming our souls with their really quite defensive and not always that entertaining, but semi-successful play! That's the Cotdelapomais way...

The man who has instilled this in the side is manager Sacha Chrétien, the ex-Étoile Rouge boss whose public opinion rating has fluctuated wildly since taking over as national team manager during the lead-up to World Cup 52. The most common complaints he faces are that he has his teams play an overly defensive style (the reason why he got the axe so fast at Étoile Rouge), and that he is too reliant on the same players over and over.

Whilst it is true that his sides are often low scoring, it is ignorant of the facts to refer to them as defensive. While he loves deploying just one striker, he also enjoys packing the midfield in order to control possession, and he frequently will use both a defensive/link midfielder and a roaming but more defensive based central midfielder (the former often either David Morre or Iestyn Rhys-Lloyd and the latter usually Jonathan Watson or Alexandre Faille) in order to do so. These players' jobs are mostly to ensure the team has a higher percentage of the possession than the other side, and it is inherently difficult to play defence when you have the ball!

It is Chrétien's strategy that leads to the Apples' scoring so few goals. Obviously, he does not discourage them from scoring, but ultimately the intent is to not score by attacking in rapid waves, leaving the team vulnerable at the back, but rather by luring the opposition out of position through gradual advancement and keeping possession through short passes and runs. Jesper Jensen's highlight reel speed generates a lot of attention, and he is sometimes given free reign anyway, but a lot of what makes him so successful is actually the system- he has excellent vision and is a good short passer, so he often can benefit from a quick pass backwards to a Watson or a Morre and blaze forward, having potentially shaken his man-marker by exploiting short distance passing.

On the other criticism, that he selects the same players too often, the naysayers have a somewhat valid point- our national team is too reliant on a core of about 15 players, but the fact is that there is a deep gulf in class. Football in Cotdelapoms is still the #2 sport, but success with both the league and the national team will help encourage new players. As always, we must encourage our players to go abroad to stronger leagues- as good as the Télépom Mobilité Série A is, it's still not as strong as leagues like those found in Cafundeú. We must also keep bringing in top talent to our own leagues, so our own players have good competition. The fact is, though, that the best Cotdelapomais players are losing jobs, creating a gap in the "middle class". It is this gap that leaves us with world class talents like Jensen, Per-Olivier Johansson-Bakvis and Thierry Junot, but no real strong "b-side".

Who is our second best left winger? Christian? He is erratic, and has earned his paycheque at Cosmopolitan mostly because they have a stacked team around him that allows him to drift in and out of matches whenever he feels like it? Do we have anyone truly capable of playing the "number 10" role? Rodrigo Lopez is a good player, do not get me wrong, but he is overmatched against some of the very best teams, he is just too physical and not technical enough. Are we as a nation really confident in Salvatore Eagle III at centre-back? We shouldn't be. Yet, we can be because of Sacha Chrétien's system!

[Aguazul]

La Verdad

Victory credited to special effects

Aguazul defeated Novikov to stay on top of their interzonal group with a perfect record. Although the hosts took an early lead through Czech Ctvrtlanik, assisted by Žarko Stojanovic Zupan, Aguazul came out strong after halftime with Juan Esteban Oraglio tying the game up and Sosimo Lissón scoring the winner nine minutes later. "It was a tough battle on both sides," said Pelayo Sortani. "Their midfield was always a threat, but in the end, there were just a few factors that made the second half turn out in our favor.

I mean, first of all, I was able to keep the team energized during halftime, they didn't lose energy or get discouraged and came out attacking right away. This wake effect, I guess you'd call it, really helped them stay in the game and get focused. The buildup to Juan Esteban's goal was fantastic, he just dribbled back and forth for a while, winding his way across the field, and the snake effect really threw [Jozef] Polzin off his game. Then Juan Esteban deked them! He set up as if he was going to pass to Vincente [Aspe] and the fake effect had the goalkeeper [Havel Rybar] come out. But boom, it's a goal, and the game is tied.

But it would take a few more minutes for the halftime changes to really, dare I say it, take effect. We'd brought on Sosimo, but they were going with...what was his name? Janko? [Doubek] on defense to try and hold the lead. Unfortunately, that was just the wrong tactical choice, and the Jake effect completely backfired; Sosimo was able to get past him and score.

Of course, we were helped along by the atmosphere in a couple of senses. The fans cheering on [Pepe Raúl] Corretja were fantastic, and it was nice to play somewhere other than the Ice Cube. So just warming up, that bake effect was a nice change. I think anyone who lived in Dyurtyuli...heck, anywhere in the north of Kagdazka...would want to get out too." Representatives from teams recently promoted to the Primera División and looking for new talent refused to comment.

Sortani, however, dismissed suggestions that Aguazul had benefited from a flake effect. "Nonsense. Novikov had a strong attack and a midfield that worked well, they were quite consistent. We just had a better second half, is all."

At press time, the typically wet city was unleashing precipitation and strong winds, and Gerardo Riquelme was attempting to talk Lissón out of a little more practice before the team caught their monorail.

[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]

The Whites have begun their interzonal qualifying stage with two back to back victories. A 5-3 win over Saugeais and a 2-0 win over Rennidan have seen the Whites extend their unbeaten run to 8 games, the last time they faced the disappointment of defeat is when they were dumped out of the Mike Sarzo memorial trophy by Starblaydia.

Their next opponents, 9th ranked Jeru FC have gone ten games unbeaten, topping their zone group and currently leading the interzonal group here in Qazox. The game will be The Whites first major test on the road to Cassadaigua and the Babbage Islands.

Manager Mark Sloan commented on the game “It’s going to be tough, obviously, but we like to think we’re capable of mixing it up with the big guns. If we want to be a major force ourselves we need to take these opportunities to the scruff of the neck.”

Back home in Queer Poco el Mono Ara, veteran striker Ishmael Van Dyke is looking toward the next chapter in his career and is being lined up to work alongside the national team in a coaching capacity. “There has been some talk of me linking up with Mark Sloan in the national team set up. I worked with him for years at Pythons and have nothing but respect for him and if given the opportunity I would jump at it” commented the striker. It’s not just Van Dyke who is apparently being linked to the national team, as several other former Pythons players are said to be joining up with their former coach at league level. Goalkeeper Wilf Laudrup and winger Steven Berg are rumored to be joining the team.

Talking of former Pythons men, midfielder Dean Bowyer may be set to make a shock return to the national team. After a great return to form with Skyte City the attacking midfielder, who never retired from international football, could be back amongst the 23 players in the squad.

-----

“We’ve got the bastards” said Power, clearly struggling to contain his smile.

“Yeah we do.”

Finally there was more than a shred of circumstantial happenstance hearsay. There was a telephone conversation between Almondvale chairman Luis van Gaal and the head of the referees association in Queer Poco el Mono Ara. Van Gaal could be heard pressuring the chairman to switch referees for an upcoming league game, citing he had done it before and not been “such a frigging girl” about it and had done it for several other league chairmen.

They had sifted through hours and hours of telephone conversations and had at last been rewarded. The job hadn’t been glamorous, trapped in the tiny dimly lit office in the police station they were working out of. The miniscule amount of light they received from the grimy windows had made them sensitive to the extreme Pocoan day time sun when they would take their lunch breaks.

The conversation was dated back nearly 7 months and had insinuated other clubs had acted inappropriately in regards to the referee in charge of up coming games. They had a starting point now, 7 months ago.

“Beer then?”

“Sounds good to me.”

[Valladares]

Valladares Sports Network

WORLD CUP 54 QUALIFYING ROUND - Les Gones are back on track with victory over Swartaz

OUR HOPE IS STILL ALIVE

By: Alan Rosero,
Blogger from "The National Kickoff"

TUNDRA FALLS, NEWMANISTAN (VP) - The mythical Proving Grounds at Tundra Falls. Two teams. Two goals. A winner. Valladares defeated an uninspiring Swartaz side at the Proving Grounds in their second match in the Newmanistan Interzonal. The victory was deserved because of what Valladares showed in the field, besides it seemed the excessive confidence brought by the Swartazians after their win over Dorian & Sonya played against them this time.

José Marín's side needed the victory after that loss to Cotdelapoms in the first match in this interzonal, and the players were decided to win this match. Les Gones only needed one minute to show Swartaz their fate: Yoan Gignac surprised the Swartazian defensive line with his speed and a 30 meters shot which Vanger Handorlink was unable to stop. Swartaz hadn't finished settling into the field and Valladares were already winning the match. The Swartazians tried to react, but Ruben Calheira and Jerôme Perrin made sure not to repeat the same mistakes committed against Cotdelapoms, and the valladar defensive line successfully endured Swartaz's offensive avalanche during the first half. Les Gones also had some good counterattacks which always brought danger to the Swartazian goalkeeper. Despite Jefferson Ospina's best intentions to increase the difference, the first half ended with Valladares on the lead.

In the second half, the valladars managed to reach 60% in ball possession, and the Swartazians were unable to recover the ball again. Armando Rivas and Paulo Oliveira had good chances, Gignac tried once again, but the valladar fans couldn't celebrate another goal until the 72nd minute, when Miguel Flórez crushed Swartaz's hopes with another surprise counterattack. The same team that beat world champs D&S didn't appear at any moment in the match, and Les Gones ended up playing at pleasure, with Handorlink saving his team from more goals during the final minutes of the match.

The match at Tundra Falls ended with a valuable victory for Valladares, who have now their first three points in this Interzonal. Next we'll travel to AmherstJessicaville, where we'll face TailsPrower, who are coming to this match with two losses. A victory against TailsPrower is not only needed but it also will boost the team's morale before facing D&S and the Holy Empire.

PRE-QUAL: Valladares 5-0 Whirl Islands (Heritage Cup) - Venue: Frank Clair Stadium, Fauxham (Cap. 15,500)
PRE-QUAL: Valladares 2-1 Bears Armed - Venue: Dragon Stadium, Canalave (Cap. 35,000)
MSMT: Valladares 0-4 Eastfield Lodge - Venue: Mike Sarzo Stadium, Nicksia, Benatar, Sarzonia

MD1: Valladares 4-0 Arse of Asia - Venue: Stade Jules Picot, Bezieres (Cap. 38,000)
MD2: Valladares 4-0 Khytenna - Venue: Estadio de la Riviera, Slateport (Cap. 40,000)
MD3: Iglesian Archipelago 0-3 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Iglesian Archipelago
MD4: Valladares 2-0 Ibasira - Venue: Stade de la Frontière, Fontvielle (Cap. 36,500)
MD5: BYE

MID-ZONAL: Valladares 2-3 Cotdelapoms - Venue: White Meadow Arena, Carloburgo (Cap. 69,070)

MD6: Arse of Asia 0-1 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Arse of Asia
MD7: Khytenna 1-0 Valladares - Venue: Central Palace Park, Khytenna
MD8: Valladares 2-0 Iglesian Archipelago - Venue: Estádio Armando Bozzelli, Campo Grande (Cap. 50,000)
MD9: Ibasira 0-0 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Ibasira
MD10: BYE

PRE-INTERZONAL: Mytannion 2-7 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Mytannion

MD11: Valladares 0-1 Cotdelapoms - Venue: Empress Jessica Stadium, Pocono City, Newmanistan
MD12: Swartaz 0-2 Valladares - Venue: Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, Tundra Falls, Newmanistan
MD13: TailsPrower vs. Valladares - Venue: Benedict Freeman Stadium, Jessicaville, Newmanistan
MD14: Valladares vs. Dorian and Sonya - Venue: Jeremy McAllister Stadium, Putnam Lake, Newmanistan
MD15: The Holy Empire vs. Valladares - Venue: Empress Jessica Stadium, Pocono City, Newmanistan

[Newmanistan]

After attending the draw against Delaclava, the Keisler’s returned to their hotel room.

“This would be an interesting place to go on a honeymoon.” Junior laughed to lighten the mood, showing Stacey an internet site about Bostopia’s Fenton State.

“Wow, I thought just their Emperor was crazy. That place looks nuts, but not for a honeymoon!”

“Emperor Boston does have a bit of a reputation, there have been media reports provided during World Cup play, historically, which reference in some capacity. Other then the World Cup 40 head to head playoff, our nations don’t really have any history with one another. Which given the nature of Emperor Boston, might be a good thing.”

Courtney intervenes, “So uhm, Dad, How do you think the Rockets looked against Delaclava. That’s a pretty good team.”

“Absolutely the Delaclavs are tough, Huckabee is really coming into his own this World Cup. If they play like that against The Andromeda Islands, they will win. The key is not to overlook them as they are the Baptism of Fire champions, and furthermore, they have a team of women. We know from Cassadaigua and Dorian and Sonya, that all or mostly female teams can be very dangerous. Same goes for Jeruselem and Bears Armed.”

“Bears Armed? Females? That’s kinda different though cuz they are Bears. That fact like overshadows their femaleness.” Courtney laughed.

“Well don’t forget that all female teams have won the last four World Baseball Classic championships too.” Stacey was sure to get in.

“Good point. This is becoming a time of female ownage all across the sporting world.”

The small talk continued and they act as any family would during the night. Courtney eventually heads for bed and Junior goes online to look for a good place to buy a real wedding ring, to replace the symbolic Cup of Harmony championship ring he gave to Stacey, but he doesn’t want her to know that he is doing so. When she approached, she quickly changes to a weather report for One Big Island. “Huge storm approaching the host nations, and Newmanistan, too, is in its path. Glad we’re in Bostopia!” Stacey nods. They make plans to go to the match vs The Andromeda Islands and enjoy their week in the meantime.

Meanwhile the Rockets themselves were also having a pretty good time in Bostopia. Kenneth Snider’s girlfriend made the team official “Why Not?!” T-Shirts that all the players would wear during their practice sessions in honor of the teams catch-phrase while in Bostopia. The shirts were sky blue, and on the front contained the word “why” in Cassadagan pink and the word “not” in Babbage black and yellow, with the back saying “World Cup 54" also in pink and black/yellow. Additional shirts were made available to Newmanistanian fans who were attending the games will all proceeds going to forward Kevin Boyle’s personal foundation to help children with autism. Fans of other nations could purchase the shirt only if they promise to treat it with respect or to otherwise risk incurring the wrath of the Spirits of Tundra Falls. Not necessarily a wise gamble to take! The spirits of the team were high as well, especially after getting a point against Delaclava and giving a wry smile to results such as “The Andromeda Islands 3-2 Unitopolis”. These players knew how much of an underdog and unlikely possibility it would be to make to the World Cup being played within One Big Island, but they played well in the zonal stage, and now they are here knowing that they have drawn into the softest interzonal of the 10. That’s not a slight to Pays de Horreur or Delaclava, they are respected well, but there are three World Cup spots available, and none of the other teams intimidated this group of players in the slightest. “Why Not?!” is exactly right.

Coach Tremblay, however, didn’t get soaked into all that. He knew, that despite their pre-qualifying ranking the Rockets were now being predicted to make the World Cup by many media outlets because they still had that reputation of once being a good team in international play, so he was sure to keep the team working hard. That really wasn’t an issue though, the team was hungry and happy, especially Myron Jackson, who was feeling so much better now that the tabloids had stepped off from the story that they were making up during the zonal stage. He would have appreciated an apology to go along with it, but that wasn’t his focus at this time. The Rockets had great training sessions, and scored the first goal of the match against the Eagles in the 9th minute. Huckabee did well to set up Shane Bartley for the score. The header was perfectly placed, and I don’t care if you’re the greatest keeper in the world or Tatiana Parker, you’re just not gonna stop that kind of execution. Chants of “Why Not!?” filled the stadium, including from the Keislers. For Stacey, it reminded her of the Newmanistan “You Can’t Beat Us!” taunt of Taeshan from back in the day. The defense was stout, and in minute 42 when some fans were planning on purchasing their intermission beverages while knowing it was a one-goal lead, Shane Bartley picked up his second of the match to double the advantage. Fans wearing the sky blue were rocking, and the second half would become a defense clinic. They were great in the zonal stages, and nothing changed here tonight. To their credit, the reigning Baptism of Fire Champion put up a good fight, but the reigning Baptism of Fire Champion of the World Cup 40 cycle in Bostopia was the better team tonight, a determined a focus group, not about to allow these points to slip away. The Eagles were put away, and the Rockets celebrated.

From their seats, an excited Courtney Keisler screamed, “They’re gonna do it, I just know it!”

But Junior, knowing the history of the team gave some fatherly advice, “There’s still a lot more that needs to be done sweetheart.”

Indeed there is, but 1-1-0 after two games with Delaclava already in the bank does look pretty good. Up next Pays de Horreur: a nation that attempts to “scare” their opponent, but the most scary thing right now is that nasty storm targeting One Big Island.

[Erathore]

Conversation between two Erathi:
"Did we win?"
"Dude, their reality is dreamed up by fucking monks."
"Good point. How much did we lose by."
"1-0."
"Oh not too bad. Now how about the weather?"