World Cup 54: RP thread

[Valladares]

Valladares Sports Network

WORLD CUP 54 QUALIFYING ROUND - Win over Arse of Asia gets Les Gones closer to the next stage

GIGNAC SAVED THE DAY

By: Alan Rosero,
Blogger from "The National Kickoff"

ARSE OF ASIA (VP) - Five victories in five matches are a good omen for the National Football Team, which got a valuable victory in Arse of Asia. However, the quality of our collective performance has decreased, and it seems the team is already physically tired. How can the top seed of this (apparently easy) zone suffer so much to get a single goal? It's unacceptable. Or at least for me it is.

Like the first match between both teams, Valladares tried to exert their pressure over Arse of Asia, in order to get a goal as soon as possible. However, it seems our rivals already found the way to make our offensive front totally useless, as Arse of Asia "copied" the tactics presented by Ibasira in Fontvielle and Ospina, Gignac and Flórez were unable to create some problems to the home team's goalkeeper. The first half was very dull, as Arse of Asia were totally inoffensive and didn't create at least a good goal option. The goalless stalemate at halftime was a punishment for Les Gones, while at the same time it was an undeserved "prize" for the home team.

For the second half, José Marín made his idea more than clear: it was win or lose, score or die. And it seemed his players understood the idea. Soon, Arse of Asia were facing an offensive avalanche from the visitors, and people already knew Arse of Asia wasn't going to leave their stadium with a clean sheet. As predicted, the offensive onslaught gave its results with a goal by Yoan Gignac in the 81st minute. As some pople say, better late than ever, and Valladares won their fifth match in this qualifiers, and Luis Fuentes managed to get another clean sheet.

With the qualification to the Interzonal Stage on sight, Les Gones will take on Khytenna, who in the first half of qualifiers left Slateport with four goals. The valladars might clinch a ticket for the next stage with a victory in Khytenna, who are second in Zone 15 with 10 points and have a healthy advantage over the other teams in the zone. Hopefully we can clinch our tickets for the interzonals after this match.

PRE-QUAL: Valladares 5-0 Whirl Islands (Heritage Cup) - Venue: Frank Clair Stadium, Fauxham (Cap. 15,500)
PRE-QUAL: Valladares 2-1 Bears Armed - Venue: Dragon Stadium, Canalave (Cap. 35,000)
MSMT: Valladares 0-4 Eastfield Lodge - Venue: Mike Sarzo Stadium, Nicksia, Benatar, Sarzonia

MD1: Valladares 4-0 Arse of Asia - Venue: Stade Jules Picot, Bezieres (Cap. 38,000)
MD2: Valladares 4-0 Khytenna - Venue: Estadio de la Riviera, Slateport (Cap. 40,000)
MD3: Iglesian Archipelago 0-3 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Iglesian Archipelago
MD4: Valladares 2-0 Ibasira - Venue: Stade de la Frontière, Fontvielle (Cap. 36,500)
MD5: BYE

MID-ZONAL: Valladares 2-3 Cotdelapoms - Venue: White Meadow Arena, Carloburgo (Cap. 69,070)

MD6: Arse of Asia 0-1 Valladares - Venue: Somewhere in Arse of Asia
MD7: Khytenna vs. Valladares - Venue: Central Palace Park, Khytenna
MD8: Valladares vs. Iglesian Archipelago - Venue: Estádio Armando Bozzelli, Campo Grande (Cap. 50,000)
MD9: Ibasira vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD10: BYE

[Qazox]

The Road to One Big Island and World Cup 54

REWARDING.

After failing to qualify for World Cups 52 and 53, after the self-imposed ban due to the quarentine of the Scourge virus; Qazox' first win at Qazian Memorial in over a decade was rewarding. A 2-0 victory over a now shaky-looking Cafundelese team has Qazox in the driver's seat in Zone 11 with 3 matches remaining.

While the weather was not perfect, 40 degrees with a light drizzle at kickoff; the atmosphere in the stadium was. The sellout crowd of 100,052 was loud and the ox-bells were clanging like never before. But Cafundeu was not to be taken aback by the noise, as for the majority of the 1st half; they dominated the possession and flow of the match and only 3 great saves by Thomas Evans kept the visitors off the board. Things turned around a bit in the 2nd half, as the temperatures dropped and snow flurries began to fly.

For whatever reason, the light snow seemed to spur on the Pheonix, as Greg Johnson managed to open up the scoring with a 20-yd balst from just outside the box, giving Qazox a 1-0 lead. Unlike the previous match, when Qazoxian tempers got the better of them, niether side had disipinary problems until the final 5 minutes. Ryanne Halpberg was taken down by Teteo in the 86th minute. After She was awarded a penalty kick, the two captains from each team, Marco Aurélio and Vic Johnson, Jr.; began jawing back and forth at each other and almost came to blows. The referee promptly broke up the fracas before it could get worse, then gave each a yellow card. Halpberg banged her PK home and all but assured Qazo of the win. Just before the final whistle, Bino was given a yellow card for making an obscene gesture towards the Qazoxian bench after a few rowdy fans had run unto the pitch before being taken down by players from both teams.

Now Qazox has to go on the road again, to both Daemonheart and Sirain. A victory in either match would clinch a 2nd round berth; and a win in both could see Qazox clinch the Zonal title, if Cafundeu loses their next match. But for now, it is rewarding to see hope in the Qazoxian fans eyes for the first time in a while.

SCORELINE

CAF  0 0  0
QZX  0 2  2

Scoring:
Greg Johnson (QZX) (2)- 52'
YC- Marco Aurélio (CAF) 86'
YC- Vic Johnson, Jr (QZX) 86'
Ryanne Halpberg- 87' PK
YC- Bino (CAF) 90+2'

SCHEDULE:
MD1: @ Cafundeu L 0-4
MD2: v. Daemonheart @ Estadia Pika, Pika City. Capacity: 84,562 W 1-0
MD3: v. Sirain @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 94,500 W 3-2
MD4: BYE
MD5: @ Fellow Citizens W 3-0
MD6: v. Cafundeu @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City. Capacity: 100,052 W 2-0
MD7: @ Daemonheart
MD8: @ Sirain
MD9: BYE
MD10: v. Fellow Citizens @ New Bruxen Hotel & Casino Field, New Bruxen. Capacity: 77,721

[Newmanistan]

MID-ZONAL REPORT CARD

Pocono City- At halfway, the Rockets sat in second place, though tied with the Whirl Islands, and should be a nicely refreshed team when their own play resumes given that they did not have any mid-zonal friendlies and had their bye as most of the world kicked off their second half this week. Let’s evaluate various areas of the team, shall we.

Goalkeeping- Kyle Perry seems to be doing good enough, as statistically the Rockets are middle-of-the-pack in many defensive categories during the zonal phase. While that doesn’t sound immediately encouraging, you have to bear in mind the ranking of the Rockets and the fact that when weak teams are exploited, they are often scored upon with ease. Four of the six goals in which Perry has allowed came in the loss to Queer Poco el Mono Ara on the road. We would have loved to have seen him pick up his game there, but looking at the other results, he really has been spot on. He has not hurt the team, and that’s the most important thing that can be asked of him to this point. Grade: B.

Defenders- The much-publicized rift between Myron Jackson and Chris Dayten due to the former’s affair with future baseball star Courtney Keisler on the latter’s sister has not seemed to have an impact on the back end just yet. But one wonders if this is something that will blow up in a game that the Rockets will actually need to win down the stretch if they want to make the interzonals. We hear all that talk from them that everything is all fine and dandy but that is probably just to save face. Four of the six goals allowed against the sky blue thus far have come from the opposition attacking the other side of the pitch, which puts some of the onus on Cosgrove and Bryant, though let’s be fair as well. Two-thirds of the goals allowed by this team came in one game, so they must pass as well. Grade: B

Midfielders- It’s tough to grade the midfielders as a unit, because one of them has been excellent, and the others have been subpar. Isn’t this the same ol’ story of Newmanistanian qualification efforts? Why is it that we can never produce the quality of midfielder that is needed to have success at this level. Aaron Huckabee, please don’t be offended, as you have been awesome. Kenneth Snider has had a couple good games, but Wayne Leffler and David Colman have been outplayed. That’s disappointing because Leffler is the oldest player on this team and someone you would like to see leading by example. Instead Huckabee, at 19, is trying to carry them. Grade: C-

Forwards- We’re used to having a McAllister, in some shape or form, up front and scoring goals, so fans can be forgiven if they feel something is missing. But, something is missing, and that’s one of these new forwards to step up and assume that role. Shane Bartley and Michael Couture have had their moments, but seem to be struggling with the adjustment of playing at this level. Hemas (and not Queer Poco el Mono Ara) made them look pretty bad, even though that was a recovery game thanks to the extracurricular antics of Myron Jackson. As much as we like Bartley, the future of Newmanistan scoring is probably on the bench: 18-year olds Edward Robertson and Kevin Boyle. In the next World Cup cycle, they will have more of a role, especially if things keep up as they are right now. Grade: D

Coaching- So far Steve Tremblay has done a good job keeping the team focused, especially Myron Jackson and Chris Dayten, on the task at hand, even though the ingredients are there for this team to implode. That’s not something that should be taken lightly. And let’s also remember that Steve’s task of leading the comeback team is not an enviable one either, given some football associations like to have quick triggers with their managers: just ask Bobby Washington of Mangolana all about that. And you thought Sorthern Northland was bad! Anyway, so far so good for the man in charge. Grade: A

Future Prognosis- Newmanistan is not getting any help. Queer Poco el Mono Ara is, as expected, having their way with the zone, and Whirl Islands is beating everyone other then them and us. This means that the Rockets game against the Islands will be critical when they get re-acquainted with one another in the final game of this stage. It would be nice, (are you listening, Margaret?) if we can get a point (or three) against the Pocoans at home. This team cannot let up. They cannot have another result as they had against with Hemas. If all that comes to fruition, they can get into the interzonals. But as we well know from all of those other qualification attempts: we just never seem to get any help. The more things change, the more they stay the same.


(From their home in Southport, Courtney Keisler reads the above Rocket Report article online).

“MOM!!!!!” she screams, “Get up here right away!!!”

Stacey takes a deep breath, and rushes up to Courtney’s bedroom. “What is it?” She then pauses, seeing that she is on the computer, “If it’s another tabloid, just stop reading them. They are garbage, and they just will not let up.”

“This isn’t a tabloid!! It’s the Rocket Report!!!”

“What? They generally stay out of that. Let me see.” (She begins reading the article and sees the point made in the analysis of the defenders), “This is getting out of hand. They say that as if it’s a fact that you two did something. I will call up their editors and give them a piece of mind. They know I don’t mess around, and if push comes to shove I’ll get Chrissy (baseball manager Christina Sanders) to boycott them. They will notice then. Why can’t the media cover the news? Why do they have to create stories? The Rocket Report should be better then this. Hell, even the Emperor allows them into the Palace.”

“I don’t know if I even wanna play anything anymore. I am sick of this.”

“Don’t say that, hun.”

“I don’t want to say that, but I am being made out to be a slut before I even play a World Baseball Classic game. I want it all to go away. I hate this. Then there was this other article that said I am being promiscuous because you were the same when you had me.”

“Who the hell said that?”

“I dunno. I forgot. I wish we could just move out of Newmanistan. I hate Newmanistan. I wish I could pitch for some other country. Like move there or something.”

“Well let’s not over-react that much.”

“Yeah I know. But this is so stupid!!!!”

(Stacey comforts her daughter and gets her to calm down. The evening becomes a lot more peaceful until Shawn Franklin, her boyfriend, gives her a call.)

“Courtney, it’s Shawn.”

“Hey sweetheart!”

“Hey. I don’t know how to say this so I am just gonna come right out and say this. I don’t think this is gonna work out. I love you, but all of this stuff that is starting because of your dinner with Myron and I know you didn’t cheat on me, it’s just too much for me to handle.”

(We can skip the conversation here. Yes, he breaks up with her, and you can imagine the crying and another conversation with mom over it).

[Akbarabad]

Dismal Akbarabad sink to new depths.

(Akbarabad Press, AP):A dispiriting 1-1 draw with bottom side and minnow Jimmy Wales starkly displayed the terrible decline suffered by the Tiger Eaters. It may be to late now, but there has to be wholesale personnel changes before the next cup or we will never be competitive again.

Taking first place in the group now seems like a long shot, while it had been ruled a certainty before the qualification process began. Eastfield Lodge of all teams is now odds on favorites to finish ahead of us in the group. If we do manage to scrape through to the next round it remains to be seen how we perform against the much stronger teams given our abject performance against some real easy beats. Even progression itself is no longer guaranteed. The prospect of an even more humiliating qualification failure is enough to turn even the most loyal fan of the sport altogether.


Akbarabad 1-1 Jimmy Wales
(Zakir Ahmed (OG) 16") ( Zahid Mohammed 58")

[The Archregimancy]

Though time has no real meaning in the Dreamed Realm, it still felt like a long time since Juan Tzimisces had met the person he had spent days hiking through the remotest regions of the Chaco to meet; they hadn't seen each other since that unfortunate incident at the end of World Cup 49.... But hearing that booming voice again made it all worth it.

"COACH ONE!!!"""

"Ug-Ug!" He hugged the big lug.

"Why Coach One come to Ug-Ug's place?"

"Well, it's like this... there's this young ursine in Bears Armed who dreamed that our entire squad would take the form of sentient cave ursines...." Tzimisces explained about the HEFA squad competition.

"I see. So you want to meet cave bears."

"Yes - do you know of any, or are we simply going to have to make some up?"

"Yes; I know of clan of the cave bears. They my friends. They big and strong and fast with lots of hair; they are good at rock ball too. We play rock ball with them lots of times. At times we then play fight; Ug-Ug put grease on his chest - this make Ug-Ug hard to catch, and grease not work on cave bear fur, so Ug-Ug know not how to lose; this make Ug-Ug smile."

"Sounds like your psot-rock ball wrestling matches are quite the occasion - but can you tell me where to find them?"

"Of course, Coach One! You take path of big green tree to first blue stream which sings song of wind thrush, then you....."

<three days later....>

"HRRRROOOOOMMMMMMMM; so you want us to play rock ball?"

"Yes, but with a small leather sphere, not a big rock."

"HRRRRROOOOMMMMMMM; and what is sphere made of?"

"Cured cow skin."

"And we play small weak pink and brown ape things with no real fur?"

"Sounds about right."

"Clan of cave bear knows it can beat weak pink and brown ape things! They small! They weak! They not play rock ball well!"

"I know someone who sounds just like you, you know."

"Yes! Ug-Ug is our friend! But he not small weak pink ape thing; he big strong ape thing; and he have more fur."

"So you'll play?"

"HHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM; do we get to eat flesh of foe if we win?"

"Probably not; that would almost certainly cause a major diplomatic incident, especially since you'll be playing in Jalanat. But we can probably supply you with all the honey you want..."

"SWEET BEE JUICE!!!! Then we play!"


<four days later...>


Juan Tzimisces almost felt sorry for the Jalanat squad, though whether their incompetence was caused by a simple comparative lack of skill, or the less simple sheer terror of facing eight metre tall shaggy neolithic cave-dwelling sentient ursines was probably open to debate. If it hadn't been for the cave bears' lack of practice with a leather ball (and their consequent habit of kicking it out of the stadium when they attempted to so much as breath on it) they probably would have scored 15 to 20 instead of 2; and both of those had been lucky ricochets in the last 15 minutes rather than intentional shots.

Tzimisces had to admit that the cave ursines were quite intimidating; if only he'd had more time to teach them modern football tactics. And if only he could find some way of blending the best of this squad with some of the better elements of the other squads he'd coached this cup.

That gave him an idea, and he resolved to go and talk to the bigwigs at HEFA once they were all safely back in the Empire.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next up: Sentient football-playing elements from the periodic table.

Ideas still being accepted.

[Azulcena]

BOCA A BOCA

January 23rd, 2011

BIZARRO WORLD
by Sancho Trujillo
Sports Editor


If any of you have ever been a fan of the "Superman" comic book series from overseas, you'll immediately get the reference in this article's title. For the rest of you - and I'm assuming that's most of you - I'll explain. In the story of those comic books, Bizarro World is a backwards version of Earth; a cube-shaped planet where bank bonds lose money, sex symbols are hideous, and it is a crime to make anything perfect. I named this article after this fictional world for a reason: I get the feeling many of my readers might feel like that's where they're living right now.

Today's at-home loss in the World Cup qualifiers is indeed a bit hard to comprehend when you look at the standings. The team from Itheus, while admirable and no doubt skilled, has lost to everyone else in our Zone except Los Rojos, consistently. When Azulcena lost to them on Matchday One, the explanation we got was that goalie Efraín Cavazos was preoccupied. Today I can't pick on him because Coach Sofa thought it would be a good idea to rest up our front-line team and let the substitute team have a go. I agreed with the sentiment when he announced it, and I still do. The conditions for doing such a thing seemed perfect at the time. Our boys would be at home, among their unbelievably supportive and united fans. The Itheus team has beaten the front-line once already, so the skills of our reserve players couldn't be as easily predicted. Our winning team absolutely could use an extra day of rest while the bigger teams of the Cup jockeyed for the Mike Sarzo trophy and some other mid-zonal cups. And Azulcena's team had been doing well enough that I think we all shrugged off today's game as already being in the bag.

But what we got was something that I'm sure many of you are looking at as a Bizarro World moment. We shouldn't have lost to Itheus, and yet we did. Well, let me be the cheerful one in all this. Our Zone has indeed become an interesting and highly competitive one. Everyone has a negative goal ratio but the zone leader and the zone trailer. The only team performing as predicted is the favorite, Starblaydia. But even they have had their off-day, and that was against a completely new upstart team from a country nobody's ever heard of. I like days like yesterday. I tip my hat to Itheus, because they've become part of what is bringing this country together. We can't just stick together in the good times, people. And I'm proud to say the countrymen I saw leaving La Ensaladera were still united. United in disappointment, but united all the same. And that's a good thing. No team can be perfect - that would be a crime, like in Bizarro World.

And don't forget the great moments from the game. Reserve striker Rodrigo Nevarez attacked so well, he seemed to have the visiting defense figured out after the first six minutes. Gregory Rebosto was one of the best stealers I've seen in a long while, no offense to our front-line boys. And reserve back Fausto Perez has a head made of steel, or maybe he was just willing to sacrifice a few brain cells to stop a goal or two, but his bravado was very admirable.

Tomorrow Los Rojos travel to Starblaydia to do battle in the lion's maw, so to speak. I think they can do it, and I want to compliment that group of young men I passed on the way to the parking garage from the game. "¡Mañana nos toma a nosotros!" they were shouting. Tomorrow it's our turn. I think it can be. Coach Sofa is giving our substitutes a chance to recover from their disappointing debut, and our front-line is rested and prepared. They've played Starblaydia before. And we are still within spitting distance of qualifying; just one point behind TailsPrower. We have four games to go, my friends. By Matchday Ten, Los Rojos can still be headed to the interzonals.

We don't live in a perfect world. We've got just a little bit of Bizarro going on around us all. And tomorrow, it can work in our favor.

[Jalanat]

Jalanat lose against a bunch of sapient bears
Jalanat had played a rather interesting match against the Holy Empire in the zonal stage. "When the coach told us we were going to play against bears, I thought he meant that the guys we were going up against were physically strong people. I never expected that we were literally going to play against bears." Jin To said in a post-match interview. Still shaken by the horrible match.

The match was an absolute disaster for Jalanat as the Holy Empire dominated the entire match from the kick-off untill the final whistle.

While Jalanat tried their best to get into the match they found it impossible to tackle the eight-foot tall bears. "It's just unbelievable that the ref didn't stop the match." Jin To said. "I swear, when I intercepted a pass one of those bears threatened to eat me if I didn't give it back."

Jalanat somehow managed to exit the first half without conceding any goals. The confused look on the Jalanese players was still present as they headed for the dressing room.

"When I saw my squad, I immediately knew from the look on their faces, that they had seen something so horrible that it will probably be imprinted in their memory for all eternity." Oliver DuWisse said. "I could swear that I saw Izzy Paintsil literally pee his pants in fear. The stain was still visible when the first half ended."

"No! I did not pee my pants," Izzy Paintsil said when an interviewer asked for a comment on the words of Oliver DuWisse. "I was sweating! Yeah! That was it! My groin was sweating because we were working our butts off on that field."

The second half was even worse. Everytime Jalanat managed to intercept a pass, or received the ball in any other way a bear would roar at them so loudly that they'd run away from the ball in fear. If it weren't for they lack of intelligence they would have found it much easier to score. In the last 15 minutes they were lucky to place the ball just right to score twice. Jalanat lost this rather interesting match to the Holy Empire. "Let's just hope we'll never have to go through that again." Coach Oliver DuWisse said.

Zone 13 Standings

   Team                 P  W  D  L For Ag  +/- Pts
 1 The Holy Empire      5  5  0  0  13  1  +12  15
 2 Leiceister           4  2  1  1   6  6   +0   7
 3 Jalanat              5  2  0  3   5  7   -2   6
 4 Civil Citizenry      5  1  1  3   2  8   -6   4
 5 Toyur                5  0  2  3   1  5   -4   2

[The Babbage Islands]

Lucky sevens, anyone? RP cutoff, matchday seven, Zones 16-30, and a number of fates get sorted . . .

Matchday Seven

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Maintained by the Occult Studies Department

Dr. Zotkin: We're back for part six of my interview with Baba Yaga. Well, Babushka, I can't believe I ever doubted you. Your team is fresh off the back of a superlative two nil win over Silver Beach, and while many would say the Federation had no business coming out of Northern Lulika City with any points at all, no one would argue your side doesn't have fighting spirit.

Baba Yaga: What do you mean, 'we had no business coming out of Northern Lulika City with any points at all?'

Well... considering that Kagdazka and Pazhujebu spent most of the first half in their own end of the pitch... I mean it took a spectacular fingertip save from Ichuvihaja to keep the Bears from scoring on a bending free kick in the 21st minute... and considering that Plamen Radic got his second yellow in the 58th minute, reducing your ranks to ten men... who ever would have predicted that Zlatko Zedafski would come on as a substitute and score two shorthanded goals?

Me, obviously.

Oh. Well, yes, I suppose so. Well, keep it up, at any rate. Let's move on. I'd like you to discuss Charha Chadi for me. Chaya Vuhumkara is the Federation's premier striker, but he's just had a rather serious injury that's put him out until after the zonal phase. Chadi has been asked to be the substitute. Now, there's no doubting his form at least for club, he ripped the First Division apart a year ago with Urajbina. But what about country? Are you confident in Chadi?

Oh, Charhaghezh, one of my favorites...

Once upon a time, in a land called Ureekanrushu, which sees snowy, towering mountains thrust up into the sky, there was a parish of a local religion in a town called Apuzeemata. This town could call itself so lucky as to have a cardinal representing them at the national religious conference, and that cardinal's name was Yuta. Their religion is known in the Ureekanrushan language as simply 'The Faith,' but it is roughly pronounced 'Laxan Landu' in English. It involves the worship and deification of the sun.

Yuta was a brilliant religious leader. He was strong and compassionate, and he nurtured the people of Ureekanrushu as his flock. Their mountain town became nationally renowned for its people's piety. But one day, Yuta was summoned to an international conference on interfaith relations (hosted by the Eastern Orthodox monks of the Archregimancy, unless my memory fails me), and therefore needed to find someone who could fill in for him.

Incidentally, I had struck up a friendship with Yuta when I had run into him on vacation in a tropical paradise one year, and I was lucky enough to receive a call from him asking to cover for him. As Yuta's friend, I of course said yes.

Upon my arrival in Apuzeemata, Yuta introduced me to his congregation and fellow clergy. The people of the parish were indeed pious, but I noticed that they did seem rather impatient, and it took a consistent leader like Yuta to shepherd them. I was introduced in due time to Zalu, Yuta's second-in-command. While I could see why Yuta had preferred to call in me as a replacement than turn the reigns over to Zalu (for the latter was quite shy, and hardly Yuta's equal in terms of charisma), Zalu was a kind man, and I observed that he was quite intelligent.

And so Yuta struck out on his trip to the Dreamed Realm and the Archregimancy, leaving me fully in charge. But it had been no sooner than a week that I was struck absolutely useless by a crippling disease which I recognize in hindsight must surely have been swine flu, but then it's always 20/20 and that...

At any rate, I was bedridden for several days. Without Yuta around, I had no choice but to turn the responsibilities for the parish over to Zalu, who nervously took the reigns.

During the next week's sermon, while Zalu was trying to preach, a man stood up and said, "Hey, everyone... Yuta is gone, his terrifying witch substitute is ill, and this weakling Zalu is in charge. We can do anything we want! Let's all get drunk down in the town square!"

And though Zalu uttered a few feeble warnings against that behavior, they went unnoticed and the people of the congregation rowdily headed downtown, where they raised an unholy ruckus and kept the town's children up until nearly the break of dawn.

During the next week's sermon, while Zalu was trying to preach, another man stood up and said, "Hey, everyone... Yuta is gone, his terrifying witch substitute is ill, and this weakling Zalu is in charge. We can do anything we want! Let's all lay with whores over at the brothel in that nearby town!"

And though Zalu uttered a few feeble warnings against that behavior, they went unnoticed and the people of the congregation rowdily headed to the neighboring town, where they spent an astonishing amount of money and contracted heaven knows how many venereal diseases.

During the next week's sermon, while Zalu was trying to preach, yet another man stood up and said, "Hey, everyone... Yuta is gone, his terrifying witch substitute is ill, and this weakling Zalu is in charge. We can do anything we want! Let's all take the money from the church's coffers for ourselves!"

And though Zalu uttered a few feeble warnings against that behavior, they went unnoticed and the people of the congregation rowdily raided every donation that had been made in the town to the Laxan Landu faith for months.

During the next week's sermon, while Zalu was trying to preach, yet another man stood up and said, "Hey everyone..."

But Zalu had had enough this time, and he showed the courage that Yuta had erroneously thought he did not have when he cried, "People of Apuzeemata! I understand that you respect me not! But I beg of you, for your own sakes, let us cease with this sinful behavior before the Sun God's wrath is brought upon us!"

There was a brief hush among the congregation. It was at last broken by a man who said, "Eh, whatever, Zalu! Let's call get pissed and bet on sports or something!!!" And so they did, leaving an oddly confident Zalu behind in the temple.

The next day, the sun did not rise.

Horribly afeared, the townsfolk rushed into the the church (hung over from the escapades of the night before, but repentant nonetheless) and begged forgiveness from Zalu.

"Why oh why didn't we listen to you?"

"The Sun God has abandoned us!"

"Have are sins doomed us to live in eternal darkness?"

Zalu peacefully responded. "The Sun God has noticed your repentance and will soon forgive you, children of my flock. But we must all be more diligent in our piety. It should not have been so easy for us all to fall from grace when Yuta left."

"Yes, sir," the congregation whimpered tearfully.

Later that day, the sun sprang back into the sky as if it had never been gone. I immediately wrote to Yuta telling him that he had had no reason to mistrust Zalu, for he was a more competent leader than anyone had expected. I told him that I would be returning home, sure that Zalu could handle the responsibility of the parish on his own.

As I left, I went to visit Zalu in his office. I told him how impressed I was with him, and admitted that I had not anticipated being so. He modestly thanked me and wished me well in my travels home. I turned to go.

On the wall of Zalu's office was a star chart, and on it was a list of dates for all of the solar eclipses that were to take place in the next decade.

A more simple metaphor, today, Babushka; a story about a substitute.

Yes, but you will find more there than simple metaphor, Dr. Zotkin.

I'm sure. We'll leave that examination up to our readers. Be sure to pick up tomorrow's issue of the Journal of Witchcraft History for part seven of my continuing interview with Federation national team manager Baba Yaga.

[Meguroko]

The Megurokan Daily

LOSS

Our team is playing bad. We lost 4-0. But Last Night was our closest game since our tie. We lost 2-1 to the Andromeda Islands, who defeated us 2-0 earlier. Charles Drabo scored the Megurokan goal, halfway through the 2nd Half to give Meguroko a lead, but the defense couldn't hang on, and Andromeda tied it up 29 seconds later. In extra time, they scored again and won. We only have 3 more games, and need to win 1 at home, Manager Lars Verknervossen said of the 4th Commonwealth Cup winners. Tune in again for Meguroko's next 3 games on MBC, or buy tickets to the next home game. All seats are available, as no one wants to watch.

[Tynelia]

Pessimistic Times

Goal Scored- Still Doomed

That’s right true believers- your sad sack of no offense actually managed to get one in the net against international powerhouse Dingbu- oh wait they’re not ranked are they? Fortunately that one lone goal- did I mention Greater Tyrol put up 4 on them in only one match- was enough to eek out a desperately needed win since Les Jeremies continue to beat the teams at their level to stay two points ahead of us going into our rematch. And hey just think, we lose or even draw this time around and we’ll be all but eliminated from the qualifiers! OK sure they have to face Valanora yet after that but I’m sure they’ll sit their entire team or something and somehow give up points enough to keep us out.

So after a whopping 1 goal in two matches with Dingbu expect a snoozefest with Les Jeremies- if you can believe it, they have actually scored fewer goals than we have, 5 to our 6. On the other hand they’ve only allowed one more than we have 5 to 4 and two of ours were against Valanora. So what does that tell me? 0-0 boring draw again. I mean Tynelia’s scored in one straight game now, they can’t maintain that level of scoring intensity for very long.

But wait- the deluded cry out futilely- “a win puts us back in second!” Yeah don’t count on it. Even if by some chance we do get a win and Valanora helps us out, we’ll find a way to lose to Greater Tyrol again or something to let Les jeremies hop right back over us again. Don’t kid yourselves. Qualification ain’t happenin’. Deal with it.

[Cassadaigua]

And now, MD7 is cutoff in zones 1-15.

Results

[Haginonia]

Haginonia Continue Dream Run

Haginonia continue their dream run of five consecutive wins and 6 consecutive unbeaten matches in World Cup 54 qualification with a two-nil win over Swilatia in front of a packed to capacity (80,000) Emperor Stadium in the nations capital. Simba Emilike scored the opening goal in just the 5th minute to put Haginonia in front early then early in the second half (47th minute) captain Steve Kohler scored the second goal.

This amazing run, the best in Haginonian world cup history, is quickly being dubbed the golden run by the press. In the past five wins Haginonia have scored 11 goals and conceded just one. They are now a game clear of second place Consortina with three games to play.

"If anyone had said to me before this campaign that after seven matches we would have won five games in a row, I would have thought they were talking to the wrong manager of the wrong team," coach Alozs Sakars said, "this run is the best in Haginonia's short history and the players are highly determined to keep this going and get into the next phase of qualification." Haginonia only need to win two of their next three games to progress but they won't settle for second spot.
"I believe we can, and should, get top spot. By getting top spot we will draw two second place sides, which will make it an easier task to qualify for the World Cup finals in Cassadaigua and The Babbage Islands," Aloizs Sakars explained at the post-match press conference,"But we can not get ahead of ourselves. We need to put all our focus on the next three qualification games to ensure progression to the next phase."

The Haginonian crowd after yet another win by Haginonia.

Haginonia's next game will come against fifth place Carasatoga who have only managed a win and a draw in qualification. On Matchday 3 Haginonia beat Carasatoga one-nil which began their current winning streak.

Zone 4 Standings

   Team                  P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 Haginonia             7  5  1  1  12   3   +9  16
 2 Consortina            7  4  1  2  12   9   +3  13
 3 Tretskivucia          7  3  3  1  12   6   +6  12
 4 Swilatia              7  3  3  1   7   4   +3  12
 5 Carasatoga            7  1  1  5   5  12   -7   4
 6 CR Oscilloscopes      7  0  1  6   2  16  -14   1  E

[Khytenna]

Result: Khytenna beats Valladares
Khytenna: 1
Ringwood 44th

Valladares: 0

Reporter John Dark

Troy had the game of his life after managing to save every shot and keep a clean sheet as Khytenna once again proved that they can beat any team as they beat Valladares 1-0

The game started like it would have same outcome, Thorne made a fantastic chip at the keeper in the 10th minute, and it looked the ball was going in, but Fuentes managed to get back to push the shot over the cross bar, once again it looked like Valladares was going to be lucky and there clean sheet record looked to be intact. Valladares was looking dangerous themselves getting the ball wide and making great crosses towards to the penalty box. It was Flórez who was the first player to threaten the goal, with a header towards to the top right corner, but Troy managed to make a fantastic save pushing the ball away from goal, Valladares had another shot from corner, this time it was Taylor from the distance, but once again Troy kept it out and the ball was scrambled away. Khytenna again came close to goal, this time, some one touch football by the Khytenna managed to make a gap for a decent through ball for Firestone, but his shot was saved by the keeper, with Firestone looking frustrated. Valladares strikers was getting hot under the collar as well as their shots where being denied by the very inform Troy, who was playing his heart out, the best save of the game was when Troy managed to save a diving header by Ospina of the line! Opsina held his head in his hands, nether he or the Khytennans could believe that Troy could of managed to make such a fantastic save. Khytenna’s never say die attitude has always been part of their culture and part of the team’s training, today it looked like it played off, in the 44th minute, Khytenna had a corner that was taken by Thorne, the cross headed towards Ringwood, who took the ball in to the box, he belted a low shot towards goal, amazingly it went past the defenders hit the far right post and deflected in, Valladares had just concede there first goal in qualification and the Khytenna home crowd went ballistic, Ringwood had just given Khytenna the lead against Valladares for the first time ever whilst playing against them, Ringwood punched the air with delight. Khytenna went into the dressing room with the confidence of being the first team to get a goal past Valladares in this qualifcation

Valladares came back on to the pitch looking to get the lead and to keep their unbeaten streak going, they nearly got the lead back as well in the 51st minute went a low pass by Oliveira found Flórez in the box, he had a one on one with keeper and tried to chip him but Troy hand stretched and stopped the ball from going over him and pushed it forward, where he dived on it and pulled the ball up to his chest, another great save from him, Khytenna managed to get a few chances in the second half, with Ringwood making another great shot at goal, but this time, the post denied him instead of adding him. Valladares had one last chance of the game, Oliveira took a free kick outside the penalty box, the shot powered over the wall and started to dip, all Troy could do was stair as it sailed down, but the ball didn’t dip enough and bounced of crossbar where Gignac rushed in for a volley, this time, Troy was there to push the ball away.
After the final whistle went the fans when crazy once again, singing the national anthem that now rang around the stadium, they had ended Les Gones winning streak thanks to one superb goal.

Khytenna now has i bye game, but it looks like Khytenna will play the same side against Ibasira.

We managed to get a word with Coach Proctor after the game, and he obviously was over the moon.

“I’ve always had faith in the Khytenna national team, today was our day, as i said before, we can bet any team in the world on a good day, today we proved that, i am so pleased with the team! But we have not qualified yet, there is still a long road the world cup, and who knows this may be the stepping stone we need for if we get to the Interzonal Phase!”

The team is Below:


GK 19. Roary Troy (25 Blue Bay)
RB 3. james Ursua (vice captain) (23 Blue bay)
LB 2. Shad Vancil (23 Keltyme Foresters)
DC 18. Darron Dunstan (27 Persepi Sharks)
DC 15. Oliver Testerman ( 22 Atlético Central, Cafundeu)
RM RM 7. Casey Thorne(captain) (24 Xephic Reds)
LM 11. Neil Ringwood (30 Blue bay)
CM 6. James Keogh –Green (20 Memorial City Eagles) (24 King’s District)
CAM 4. John Carmichael (21 Central FC) (21 Percepi Sharks)
FW Lini Pellett (20 AC New Haven, Silver beach)
FW 9. Fergal Firestone (20 blue bay)

                           Troy
 Ursua          Dunstan       Testerman            Vancil

Thorne                 Keogh-Green                Ringwood
                            
                       Carmichael
                    
                 Pellett        Firestone

[color=#FF8000]

[Socialist States Owen]

MCROFT TURNS ON THE STYLE IN FSSO VICTORY

James McRoft (left) celebrates with Sam Needle (right)

SOCIALIST STATES OWEN 2
GREATER COTSWALDS 0

James McCroft put on a superb performance to help keep the FSSO in the World Cup.

The Greater Cotswalds looked dire as their promising world cup campaign went from bad to worse as they barely had a shot on goal. It was no surprise when Sam Needle finished James McCrofts corner from close range on 28 minutes. Then on 53 minutes the FSSO winger McCroft got his own goal with a superb curled free kick from 34 yards. The ball sailed into the top right hand corner and sent the crowd behind wild. Lee Sharp came close late on but put the opposition keeper saved well, tipping the ball around the post.

[Novikov]

Difficult Loss for the Flag-Shirts

Or maybe they should be called the fighters. Many spectators, both in Novikov and abroad, have been shocked by the level of violence in Novikov's matches this qualifying cycle. Play seems more reminiscent of a rugby match at times, and the bloody match against top-pick Kulverint seemed to recall the intensity of Novikov's old grudge matches against Virabia.

Still, violent or not, the Novikovian team has put on a reasonably strong showing thus far, with a 4-1-2 record. But their most recent loss to the underdog team from Stuffed Taxidermists has Novikovian fans suddenly worried about the team's prospects of advancing. The game began well, with L. Cvrtlanik scoring within the first ten minutes. But then, the new aggressive Novikovian approach backfired. Searching for an elusive second goal the team committed several fouls in the second half. No less than six Novikovian players were yellow-carded during the match! The resultant penalty kicks sealed Novikov's fate, allowing the Stuffed Taxidermists a chance to tie in minute 61 and then to clench the lead late in minute 84. The disappointing defeat dropped Novikov to second place in Group 16, and the Stuffed Taxidermists have a valuable victory head-to-head over Novikov should a tie result. This will make the second round of Zonal matches especially interesting and important as the Novikovian team seeks rebound with some quick victories at home and hopefully neutralize the Stuffed Taxidermists' head-to-head advantage with a victory in day 12. We eagerly await the results.

[The Archregimancy]

OOC - written after K&P made me aware of his most recent RP; the attitude towards Baba Yaga reflects the somewhat ambiguous status she sometimes holds in Slavic mythology.


A Statement from the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy

"On the Claims of Baba Yaga"

It has recently come to our attention that our respected grandmother Baba Yaga - who despite her rather cavalier attitude towards both death and withcraft remains a daughter of the Orthodox Church - has made certain statements regarding the 'Laxan Landu' faith in her interview with the University of Gvardeysk Press.

Specifically, she has referred to a 'Cardinal Yuta' who is a leader of the heliocentric Laxan Landu religion, and an apparent journey that this 'Cardinal Yuta' took to the Archregimancy in order to attend an 'interfaith conference'.

The Holy Synod would like to categorically deny that the Holy Monastic Republic has ever sullied the purity of the Orthodox faith by permitting an 'interfaith conference' to be held within its territory. The Holy Synod does, from time to time, send a delegation to Ordinary Reality faith conferences, and does not deny that individual monks and hierarchs may, at these occasions, enter into dialogue with both heathens and schismatic heretics.

However, where such dialogue does take place, it is never from a position that all faiths are inherently equal. The Holy Synod holds that the Orthodox Church contains the closest thing to the fullness of truth that any human organisation ever can, even if it occasionally recognises that this does not mean that the Orthodox Church has a total monopoly on the truth.

Nonetheless, the idea that the Holy Synod would ever hold an 'interfaith conference' within the Archregimancy is laughable given that this presumes some level of official recognition towards heathens, heretics, and schismatics that is not, has never been, and never will be forthcoming from the institutions of the Holy Monastic Republic. We are also unaware of this 'Laxan Landu' heathen belief system.

We believe that our respected grandmother Baba Yaga is mistaken about this event; we urge her to consider whether she has been eating too many children of late, and whether this might have led to brain softening at her advanced age.

The Holy Synod +

[Mangolana]

Mangolana Gazzette
Mangolana wins, move within striking distance of the leaders

Mangolana has won again, this time off a hat trick from star striker Franklim Ordonez. The final score of the game would be 3-1 with Mangolana coming out on top and, because of the first and second place teams in the group tying, Mangolana is now within striking distance of winning the group possibly, but they must win every game they have left to have a chance in this reporters opinion. Here is a short recap though if the game for Mangolana

Franklim Ordonez, 13th min, 39th min, 79th min
Jacouba scored at the 43rd min, due to a penalty in the box called on John Davenport. Jacouba scored and Davenport was given a yellow card for his actions on that play.

This was mostly all that happened in the game, and we await Mangolana's next oppenent in World cup qualifing, Great Viveka.

[Eastfield Lodge]

The Sporting Gazette

2 games left, and we are top of the group.

Even though we still technically can be caught, the Eastfield Lodge are all but mathematically through to the interzonal phase, where the really hard work will begin. Since the last report, this department's old printing press exploded and we hadn't the time or the funds to get a new one immediately. Still, the new printer system is up and running, so back to the World Cup. Since our last report, we've drawn with our main rivals Akbarabad 1-1 at home, beat FSSO 2-0 away, lost to Sarzonia in the MSMT 4-1, drew 0-0 with Andossa Se Mitrin Vega in the Publishers Cup (Albundania next), drew 1-1 with our old rivals Burchadinger away, beat Greater Cotswalds 2-1 away, and then had our reserves beat Jimmy Wales 5-1 at home.
As the new printer is abjectly refusing to print off anything longer than a page, here is an extremely compact summary of the match scorers:
EL 1-1 Akbarabad: Shabeen Ahmad III (41'); Zahid Mohammed (23')
FSSO 0-2 EL: Shabeen Ahmad III (37', 45'+1')
Sarzonia 4-1 EL: Matt Lynch (12', 34', 50', 79'); Sameer Ahmad (62')
Burchadinger 1-1 EL: Markus Klogh (65'); Shabeen Ahmad III (23')
Greater Cotswalds 1-2 EL: ??????????? (85'); Shabeen Ahmad III (34'), Sameer Ahmad (65')
EL 5-1 Jimmy Wales: Callum Douglas (12'), Toby Callahan (36'), John Bell (51'), Hadia Ahmad (57', 64'); ?????????????? (87')
This string of results leaves us 7 points of Akbarabad (who have a game in hand over us but still have to face us) and 9 ahead of FSSO, with three games to go. This means that unless something goes horribly wrong, Eastfield Lodge will be playing their Interzonal matches in QPeMA, not Valladares, as was aniticpated.

---

Team to play Akbarabad away: Starting XI

Goal Tally WC54Q:
Shabeen Ahmad III: 13
Sameer Ahmad: 7
The Doctor: 3
Hadia Ahmad: 2
Rory the Plastic Centurion: 1
Ben Madison: 1
Thomas O'Henly: 1
Sarah Douglas: 1
Callum Douglas: 1
Toby Callahan: 1
John Bell: 1

[Loonaterian]

Today Loonaterian's "Big Cats" beat Rustika 1-0. Here is what happened:

The first half was resolutely boring. Nothing happened of any interest whatsoever. Both sides had played without courage or any skill in the first half so the half time team talks would be essential in deciding the outcome of this game. Clearly, Levi Kotuu's team talk had been more inspiring because when the teams came back onto the pitch Loonaterian played far better. Jani'é Boréca scored early on in the second half to make it 1-0 at The Citadel. The game then had no more excitement in an incredibly boring match. It finished 1-0 to Loonaterian.

Zone 6 Standings

   Team                     P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 Sorthern Northland       7  7  0  0  18   3  +15  21  Q
 2 Loonaterian              7  4  0  3   7   4   +3  12
 3 Rustika                  7  3  1  3   6   6   +0  10
 4 Octinstine               7  2  1  4   7  14   -7   7
 5 Los Estados del Sol      7  1  2  4   3   7   -4   5
 6 Cursores                 7  1  2  4   2   9   -7   5

[Kazzoria]

Orlkjestad 1-2 Kazzoria

This game kept Kazzoria's pride well above water. This means we manage the double over those cocky Orlkjestadians who though we would be nothing above a minor obstacle, but we have have a better record over them than those "godly" Nethertopians. They were worried about the wrong side and have basically been flattened out of the way. If we win our next few matches ,which we should, we will be cruising though to the next round. In the next round we probably will face a group like along the lines of Sorthern Northlands, Pasarga and Jesselton. We might even be able to make it through to the world cup proper. The game itself we dominated and managed to get two excellent goals. We've defiantly shown those silly little Orlkjestadians who thought they had it all. We'll they don't, WE DO!

It was shocking for the two boys to hear they were re-incarnated gods. It would be for anyone really. The first thing they did was ask why it was them and another tonne of pointless questions which didn't lead to much. The highest elder told them he would answer all their questions later, but now it was time for a feast. They then had a feast, but Ben and Harry were too shocked to eat. The tribes people managed to get them to eat some bread and a few nuts, but they seemed very detached. After lunch the elder told them that they would have to practice using their power ready for battle, but first them must hear the prophecy that would change their life:

"There are two gods. Barlletus of the heavens and Harreti of the sea and the land. They control every aspect of their kingdoms and can change them. Barlletus can make skies bright or stormy while Harreti can make waves crash and mountains rise. Their power is infinite and they rule over us all with benevolent eyes. They watch over the tribes and if the tribes worship them they will make the harvest good and life more wonderful than ever. One day though the desert people will fall into dark times. These dark times will come from no fault of their own, but from the destructiveness of invaders. When this time of need comes the two gods will come back to the earthly realm in the form of human children. These children will get rid of the dark times once they realise who they are and will restore peace to the people of the desert."

[Azulcena]

JHANNA, STARBLAYDIA

In a crowded press conference room in the heart of the Starblaydi capital city somewhere, Head Coach Sofronio Maravilla was sitting behind a long table, with tiled logos of the Azulcenian Football Association providing the background for the press conference he was heading. All the major news outlets of the Kingdom were present, having long sent delegations to cover the historic away game against what had become Azulcena's hand-picked rivals in their zone. Flashbulbs reflected from the Head Coach's dark sunglasses, and his stubbled, swarthy middle-aged face was stoic and impassive as the questioners clamored over themselves for a chance to speak. His gelled, spiked hair had not lost a bit of its stature, and he still was wearing that trademark brown leather jacket of his, despite the pervading body heat that filled the room.

"...and we are certainly glad to be able to come here and admire the Starblaydi capital and the people that live in it," he was finishing saying, in answer to a reporter from the newspaper El Sol Valverdeano. Immediately the cacophony of questions began again, and this time Maravilla selected a reporter from a local station covering most of the County of Marateca back home, Channel 2.

"Coach, do you think the squad needed more rest before facing Starblaydia again?"

"No fue posible," said Maravilla, with subtle testiness as he pushed his sunglasses higher on his nose. "Whether they needed it or not, there was no way they were going to get it. Matchday Seven was today. It's not like they were going to change the schedule for us."

"But do you think there was anything more you could have done during the downtime to prepare for this game?" the reporter, a short man in a blue suit, continued.

"Look, señor, a match is a match is a match. Starblaydia is the 12th seed in the whole world. You get that? En todo el mundo. Our win back home was a excellent way to introduce ourselves, but now it's time for a little reality. Starblaydia didn't get to 12th rank by sitting on their culos. They play an excellent football game, and win or lose, a chance to play them is a learning experience that makes us better in the long term. Next question."

"Coach Maravilla!" shouted a feminine voice from the back row, and loudly. Maravilla arched a brow and called on its owner, a woman in her late thirties, blonde, in a very prim gray suit. "Thank you, Sylvia Ríos, Channel Six out of Cordilla. What's Azulcena's strategy for the rest of the qualifiers?"

"Strategy?" said Maravilla, looking a bit more irritated. "Señora, our strategy is always to win. Ganar, ganar, hasta no más es posible." And in his head, he smiled and thought, "To win, to win, until no more is possible. Hope that wasn't too obvious a feed."

The reporters collectively murmured, but Señora Ríos wasn't deterred. "That would be any team's strategy, Head Coach. Can you be more specific about the team's prospects for actually qualifying?"

Maravilla rubbed the bridge of his nose a moment. "I'm not gonna tell you anything the other teams don't already know, just for starters. If we want to qualify we've got to place first or second in the zone. Right now that's Starblaydia and TailsPrower. We've got three matches left, so we can get anywhere between zero and nine points. If we win all the matches, that's 18 points total for us, and we still have to hope TailsPrower and Starblaydia don't pull the same thing off. That's our best-case scenario. The minimum we can hope for is that we get a win and two draws in the next three matches and TailsPrower loses everything. Then we'll just edge them out for second place. Is that realistic? ¿Quién puede decir? They play Itheus tomorrow, who has some momentum, us on Matchday 9, and finally Legalese. Let's assume they win two and lose to us. That gives them 19 points. If we win all three of the final games for this round, we still wouldn't clear them."

The room reverberated with mutters. Maravilla leaned forward over the table. "Yo lo veo así, Señora Ríos: We have no choice but to win everything, and never give up. That has been my strategy from the start. And now it is more important than ever. It doesn't matter the number of goles, so long as it is more than our opponents at the end of the match. It doesn't matter if we have home-court advantage or not. We have to win if we really want this to be our turn. And I know our team can count on everyone back home to be rooting for them. Next question."

The room erupted with inquiries. Maravilla picked a man from the national news station, ATV, right in the front row.

"Will you be making any changes to the starting roster or the formation, Coach? Because from what we have seen-"

"What, señor? What have you seen?" Maravilla interrupted, a bit of subtle fire behind those sunglasses.

"Well, you experimented yesterday with letting our substitutes play, and it cost us a win over a perennial loser. And today you put the starters up against the strongest team in the zone on their home turf, and we still lost. Are there weak links you need to eliminate?"

"Weak links? Weak links?! I'm not answering that. Next question!"

"Coach-"

"I said next question! Listen, you. I'm trying to make this a team for all of Azulcena. That means the best players from everywhere. These boys are the best our country has to offer, whether they're starters or substitutes. I know these boys play hard, fight hard, and win well. This is our first time out, and, si Dios quiere, this will be the first time we qualify, and it will be as a team! I put these boys through hell so I could find them at their best, and that's where they are. They don't call me 'Sofa' because I'm comfortable to sit on."

Despite the Coach's ire, the room erupted with laughter. He cracked a rare smile and relaxed a bit. "Although my wife likes to say different." There were polite laughs and some hoots and claps at that. "Perdóneme for going off on you, señor."

"It's all right," the reporter said, taking notes.

"Next question," said Maravilla.

"Have you had a chance to meet any of the big names in Starblaydi football while you've been here?" came a random shout from the back. The Coach tried to find the asker while answering him.

"I've been too busy figuring out how to beat this country's best, I haven't had the time." Some laughter. "But maybe after the Cup is in La Ensaladera I'll take a nice vacation, shake hands with Simeone Di Bradini and get a good tan on the beach." The crowd laughed again, this time with a tinge of hope, but also a heavy amount of sober reserve. Nobody had mentioned winning the whole show, not seriously, but with his temperament the reporters couldn't be sure if Maravilla was being facetious, glib, or serious. And the hopes among them were pretty evenly split among the three.

Within an hour, Maravilla and the team were on the next plane bound for Legalese, hoping to repeat their last victory from back home. The plane was full of nonchalance and machismo, but beneath all that veneer, the twentysomethings of the Azulcenian National Football Team felt, now more than ever, the weight of national pride upon their relatively untested shoulders. And in private, away from the cameras, their Head Coach told them that whether they would advance to the interzonals or not, they would still come home winners. His dream - a nation brought closer together by football - was being realized. And every player knew that they were part of a bright chapter in their country's history. That confidence soothed their hearts as they landed, giving them a strange calm they had not yet experienced. These small-town boys were starting to become... professionals.

[Pretty Awesome Persons]

PAP Sports
We win; Landau Institute Qualifies

Match Day 5:

PAP 2 (Gonzalez '25, '73)
Mongea 0

PAP wins, but for someone ranked as low as Mongea, they were a tough team to beat. Gonzalez's 25th minute free-kick goal opened up the match, and Gonzalez's 73th minute goal sealed the game for PAP and secured 3 points.

Francisco Gonzalez powers up for his second goal of the match.

Match Day 6:

Wewtlandem 2 ('13; '45+2)
PAP 2 (Zizi '34, '86)

Wewtlandem held us to a draw away. They proved that they were a talented squad by scoring two goals before the first half ended. They led the second half 2-1 until an excellent through pass by Mendoza to Zizi gave Zizi a clear chance to score and tied the game for 1 point.

Louis Zizi celebrates his 86th minute goal that tied the game

Mid-zonal friendly: PAP 1-1 Consortina

A challenging match vs Consortina pointed out our flaws. Our players were tired and fatigued as they left the field and defenders like Herrera were about ready to go take a shower. Herrera had to use his speed to stop Consortina's dangerous wingers and attackers. Their squad was full of youngsters and reserve players, who put on a great game.

Louis Zizi's freekick that opened up the scoreboard. We are wearing red kits as a support for the ENYCA (Ex New York Cancer Association)

Match Day 7:

Mytannion 0
PAP 2 (Gonzalez '24; Mendoza '34)

A surprising outcome for the Black and Whites against Mytannion happened today. Mytannion was expected to hold us to draw, but were stunned when the scoreboard read 0-2 in favor of us. Gonzalez's goal in the 24th minute inspired the team to do more and ten minutes later, Mendoza came up with a goal of his goal to make it two-nil. The second half of the game was pretty much passing around the midfield and an attack by Mytannion was thwarted by Frank Roderick with an excellent save. The game finally ended and PAP had won the game, earning them 3 points.
At the same time, Landau Institute's game was over. They destroyed North Alexandera 4-1 and qualified for the next stage, having earned 21 points.

Frank Roderick saves an early Mytannion shot that could've changed the game's outcome.

Schedule:

Pre-qual friendlies
MD1 : PAP 4-2 Wewtlandem (WIN)
MD2 : PAP 2-0 Mytannion (WIN)
MD3 : North Alexandera 0-2 PAP (WIN)
MD4 : PAP 0-2 Landau Institute (LOSS)
MD5 : PAP 2-0 Mongea (WIN)
Mid-zonal friendlies (1-1)
MD6 : Wewtlandem 2-2 PAP (DRAW)
MD7 : Mytannion 0-2 PAP (WIN)
MD8 : PAP vs North Alexandera
MD9 : Landau Insitute vs PAP
MD10 : Mongea vs PAP
Pre-interzonal friendlies

Prediction vs North Alexandera: 3-0

Roster vs North Alexandera:
Starting XI

[Aguazul]

Aguazul's Evolutionary Biology Vocabulary Quiz

Variation: how we draw to Eurentus at home but beat them on the road
Selection: when Sortani picks the starters
Directional selection: when Bruno Dorantes and Javier Cortez both start
Stabilizing selection: putting on an extra defender to hold a lead
Disruptive selection: putting on an extra attacker to try and score
Kin selection: what would have happened if Pedro and Rocío Sanchez ever played at the same time
Adaptation: knowing how to defend against Eurentus because we played them before
Fitness: what the players work out to get
Heterochrony: playing games at different times, as opposed to what happens on matchday three of the proper's group stage
Law of uniformity: why our jerseys match the national flag
Problem of induction: why we can't assume we won't lose our next game, even though we haven't lost any of our interzonal matches yet
Absence of evidence: what we have when we wonder how, exactly, Eurentus scored last time
Evidence of absence: what Gerardo has when he sees an open player to pass to
Analogous character: Emilio Guaman when the narrator realized he was sounding repetitive
Homologous character: no idea but we probably don't approve
Gene: kind of pants
Boss gene: Sortani's kind of pants
Allele: someone fighting a war with us
Dominant: awesome
Recessive: the kind of music they play at the end of church services
Complete dominance: what we demonstrated today
Incomplete dominance: what we demonstrated last time

(Saavedra 29, Dorantes 41, Villalobos 68)

[Cosumar]

The Cosumarite Courier
World Cup 54: Cosumar routs Royalsoldiers to maintain 2nd place
Cosumar's #1 Sports News Source

A few days ago, there was much uncertainty surrounding the Cosumar Dragons' prospects of qualifying for interzonal play. Following a 3-0 thrashing at the hands of Pasarga in matchday 4, the 45th ranked Dragons squad found themselves in last place in Zone 7, behind unranked teams. This very publication even published the headline Cosumar's fate remains unclear.

Since then, however, Cosumar is 4-1-0 and is really hitting a hot streak. All doubts about this team's competency were alleviated in matchday 7, when the Cosumar Dragons racked up four goals in a beat down of Royalsoldiers (who defeated Cosumar in MD2), at the opposing team's home stadium. Proving that they belong among the upper echelon of World Cup teams was immensely satisfying to the Dragons as they continue their streak.

Everyone at Royalsoldiers' stadium could tell the game was going to go Cosumar's way even in the first few minutes. The Dragons were moving with a spring in their step while Royalsoldiers seemed to lag behind. In the 9th minute, Cosumar's Kalvin Feldman found the net, giving Cosumar an early 1-0 lead and becoming the first of four Dragons to score a goal in the game. The parade of Cosumarite goals had just begun however, and Luke Crisalus tacked on another goal to make it 2-0 in the 23rd minute.

Towards the end of the first half, Royalsoldiers managed to get on the board after goal keeper Jude Adjei-Kontoh slipped on the damp turf while lunging for a save. The Royalsoldiers striker took advantage of his brief blunder to slip the ball in behind Adjei-Kontoh's back. When play resumed, the score was 2-1 and Royalsoldiers seemed to have woken up. However Cosumar's Frederick Finnigan tore down the opposition's good spirits with a fantastic goal off of a corner kick in the 51st minute to make it 3-1 in the Dragons' favor. 9 minutes later, Royalsoldiers redeemed themselves with an excellent goal from their striker. This time, Adjei-Kontoh did not slip, it was a superb kick similar to the ones Cosumar saw from them in matchday 2.

This goal narrowed Cosumar's lead to 3-2, and for awhile it seemed Royalsoldiers would have a chance to force the game into a draw and deny Cosuar their needed 3 points. These hopes were dashed, however, when Northbert Na'Shon extended Cosumar's lead to 4-2 with only 10 minutes remaining. Na'Shon, one of only two non-humans on the team, displayed his excellent footwork on this final goal, evading 4 Royalsoldiers to get in position for the goal, which sailed above Royalsoldier's goal keeper for the score.

Cosumar - 4
Scorer: Feldman (9), Crisalus (23), Finnigan (51), Na'Shon (79)
Royalsoldiers - 2
Scorer: Unknown striker (36), Unknown striker (60)

It was a great win for the Dragons, who have established themselves as the most likely team to accompany Pasarga to interzonals.

"We're on a roll right now. We haven't lost since matchday 4 and we feel great. Obviously we had a rough start and had a few bad games early in zonal play, but we were still figuring out personnel, strategy, and chemistry issues. The fact that we really took it to Royalsoldiers, who beat us before, really proves that we've got things worked out and that we belong in the Interzonals" said defiant striker Luke Crisalus.

Indeed, Crisalus' passionate words ring true. To advance to interzonals, Cosumar must finish in the top 2 of their zone. Due to their recent revival and slew of victories, the Dragons are now in second place behind only Pasarga and hold a comfortable lead over the 3rd place team - Bazalonia.

For matchday 8 Cosumar will be pitted against 3rd place Bazalonia in what will be the Dragons' most critical match thus far. A victory against Bazalonia would make it almost impossible for the Dragons not to advance, while a loss would be a huge hindrance to this goal. These two teams have met once before, in matchday 3. It was a defensive game, but Cosumar prevailed 1-0 in its first win of World Cup 54 off of a Rikki Varshney goal late in the game. The Dragons are much better now than they were before and should be able to handle the Bazalonian squad. For a report of the match versus Bazalonia and a preview of matchday 9's battle with Pasarga, check out tomorrow's edition of The Cosumarite Courier.

Thanks for reading,

Roderick Starks,
Staff Writer

Cosumar's World Cup 54 Journey
Publishers Cup 1st Round: Cosumar 0-0 Delaclava
Pre-Qualifying Friendly: Cosumar 0-0 Churchma
Matchday 1: TaeGyeongGiJang 1-1 Cosumar
Matchday 2: Cosumar 1-2 Royalsoldiers
Matchday 3: Cosumar 1-0 Bazalonia
Matchday 4: Pasarga 3-0 Cosumar
Matchday 5: Cassandra Alyce Silver 0-4 Cosumar
Publishers Cup 2nd Round: Moresnetujo 1-2 Cosumar
Mid-Zonal Friendly: Cosumar 3-1 Unitopolis
Matchday 6: Cosumar 1-1 TaeGyeongGiJang
Matchday 7: Royalsoldiers 2-4 Cosumar
Matchday 8: Bazalonia v Cosumar
Matchday 9: Cosumar v Pasarga
Matchday 10: Cosumar v Cassandra Alyce Silver
Publishers Cup 3rd Round: Andossa Se Mitrin Vega v Cosumar
Pre-Interzonal Friendly: Cosumar v Osarius
Interzonal Play: TBD
Post-Interzonal Friendly (King's Cup): Khytenna v Cosumar
World Cup Play: TBD

Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat