[DRAFT] Ruin has Come to Our House

[The Ferret Lands]

I think this is the most I've ever written in this period of time! It's a Darkest Dungeon themed issue, which is kinda weird but I think it works.​​

[title] Ruin has Come to our House
[validity] should be good

[desc] It has been brought to your attention that in the remote countryside of @@NAME@@ there is an old abandoned estate that is claimed to have taken the lives of several locals. Reports of eerie noises and horrific monsters have arrived at your door in the form of a strange assortment of characters asking for your ruling.

Man at Arms
[validity] has a military
[option] “The solution is simple, and that’s me” bellows @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a veteran soldier, “I’ll lead a team of 4 specially trained combatants and crush any bad actors hiding out in that estate. Plus, our success will bolster the reputation of the @@NAME@@ Armed Forces as having formidable warriors, able to defeat any foe.”
[effect] violence solves any problem

Bounty Hunter
[option] “For a small fee this whole problem can go away”, says @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a Maxtopian bounty hunter, menacingly waving a hook around. “I’ve studied the layout of the estate and have devised the best plan of action to clear out the property. Let my men and I handle this situation cleanly and quietly without making a fuss of government intrusion into this private property. Can you do the payment now in $$CURRENCY$$?
[effect] the government outsources problems to whoever claims to be able to solve them

Antiquarian
[option] “This could be an incredible opportunity to fill both museums and my- I mean the nation’s bottom line,” continues @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a local antiques collector. “I’ll lead a team into the estate to search for all manner of treasures, trinkets, and trophies. A mansion this old and large must be filled to the brim with antique paintings, statues, and gems that will fetch a fortune! After my cut, of course.”
[effect] @@NAME@@’s historical artifacts are regularly put up for auction

Occultist
[option] Hold on, I have my tarot here somewhere,” blabs @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a so-called ‘expert of the occult’. “According to my readings, this is a veritable treasure trove of knowledge for us to study!, he continues, stirring a cauldron that wasn’t there a second ago. “Just imagine the collection of ancient tomes, powerful scrolls, and creepy skulls that must be laying around in there! Now give me your hand, I just need a drop of blood…”
[effect] local weather forecasts across @@NAME@@ show high chances of glowing red mist

Vestal
[validity] has religion
[option] “This is clearly a case for the church to handle,” sings Sister @@RANDOMFIRSTNAMEFEMALE@@, a nun from @@CAPITAL@@. She continues chanting, “I will bring holy judgment to this sanctuary of evil and divine comfort to all affected by its demonic inhabitants.”
[effect] any house left alone for more than a week becomes a new church

[Verdant Haven]

- Bear in mind that while we have a lot of strange approaches to things, the Issues base (outside of easter eggs) does not recognize things like monsters, ghosts, or other supernatural beings existing. People can definitely believe in them, and do, but the government response tends to be "what do we do with/about our credulous population" rather than "Oh no! A supernatural menace!" This dilemma does keep things suitably limited to "claims," but lacks any details that clarify what has actually occurred, and seems to kind of just accept that there is supernatural evil happening. How does a house take lives? What kind of "ruling" does this need? It would be a simple matter for competent local authorities to verify if there are any missing people, and to investigate the house if deaths have occurred, so where's the cop saying "we looked into this and..." or the advisor saying "Are you stupid? Just bulldoze it and build a shopping mall."

- This has, in many ways, a lot of conceptual similarities for Issue 556 "Here Be Dragons?" Credulous people believing in supernatural weirdness. That one demonstrates a range of responses that are more in line with what I'd expect, with every single respondent basically acknowledging that it's nonsense, but having different takes on what that indicates. This draft seems to have five wanna-be Van Helsings and nobody else. I'm not saying this can't be done – they are amusing. I think there just needs to be more balance in how it is approached, and the "believers" should probably be outnumbered by officials with some semblance of competence.

- For the validity, if you do want to go with having multiple options that give credence to spoopy tales, I think we'd want it to be fairly heavy-handed about the credulity of the nation. Primitive, low education, perhaps a bit of reliance on mysticism to guide the government, that sort of thing.