Anyway...
Original:
Aware there's lots of real people in the last option. I think it works better without NSifying those names.
Current:
TITLE:
100% True
VALIDITY:
Chains from DoublePlusUngood
DESCRIPTION:
Following your bold and decisive action to suppress dissent, the Ministry of Truth has proudly reported to you that your government has 100% public approval, with 100% of census respondents reporting that they are 100% happy.
OPTION 1
"Doubleplusgood news, everybody!" celebrates Truth Minister Farnsworth, dancing a happy jig. "We should publicly release this affirmation of your enlightened rule, and everyone will feel even happier for knowing how happy they are. If you prefer, we can tweak the numbers to make them more believable. 99.65%. That'll do."
OUTCOME:
people have never been happier
(suggested stats: reduce cheerfulness)
OPTION 2
"Telling the people what we want them to hear is one thing, but falling into blissful self-delusion is quite another," counters Jack Clint, a former dentist turned Room 101 Interrogator, whirring his tungsten drill absent-mindedly. "The Ministry of Information should exert more effort in understanding the true level of dissent in this country, so that we can focus on scheduling correctional sessions for those we identify as problematic."
OUTCOME:
the Ministry of Love is generous in its affections
OPTION 3
"Freedom to complain is to the machinery of the state what the safety valve is to the steam engine," muses civil servant Art Choppinghour, philosophically. "I think that's a quote from a famous author, or a scientist, I forget. Anyway, we need to encourage people a regular opportunity, maybe weekly, to express their dissatisfaction openly, with no punishment or consequence. We don't have to do anything, we just let them have their catharsis in a harmless way. My work colleague, Henry Furroughs, said that power is is like a handful of sand, the tighter you grip, the more you lose. I think he was quoting Princess Leia, or possibly Sting, or maybe Marilyn Monroe I forget."
OUTCOME:
daily physical jerks are accompanied by weekly moans