Rate the AN's Chosen Factbook!

by **Frisemark** » Sat Mar 25, 2023 12:57 pm

I believe this was a forum game a few months ago, but the thread got swallowed by the dreaded abyss of Page 10 after nobody posted on it for some time. If memory serves, anyway.

The name of the game is pretty self-explanatory. The AN posts one of their factbooks of their choice, and asks you for a rating (on a scale of 1-10) and/or review or explanation for said rating.

The aim of the game is to enjoy each others' writing and worldbuilding, and offer critique when needed to aid in the process of those both.

Have fun!

There's no factbook for me to rate. Unless you count the UCP, which, and I say this with an absolute lack of any self-aggrandizement whatsoever is pretty good! Probably an 11/10, because it's obviously just such high quality, and the writing is impeccable.

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=fri ... id=1707707

by **Reich of the New World Order** » Sun Mar 26, 2023 5:57 pm

8/10. Its not the most groundbreaking factbook but its a short nice read .It is well written and formatted. Describes the police of Frisemark effectively and functionally For some reason it looks like its more zoomed in than other factbooks but that could by a issue on my end.

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=rei ... id=1849026

by **Insulamia** » Fri Mar 31, 2023 5:15 am

6/10. The storytelling is good and relatively distinctive for NationStates, but the constant irregular grammar and spelling distracts me. Maybe there's a lore reason for this and I'm just ignorant, but to me the errors don't look purposeful. Other than that, I feel like the pace of the story moves a little too fast to really understand or empathise with Cykt-Tez, and the writing also feels somehow artificial or inauthentic to me (not sure exactly how to fix it though lol). You could also add more formatting; at a basic level, add some paragraph spaces to avoid the "wall of text" look that could deter readers and make it harder to read; and perhaps consider changing fonts, colours, backgrounds, and the such to give the factbook a special visual aesthetic. Overall, great potential to be developed into a thrilling and unic factbook.

For the nation below to rate: https://iiwiki.us/wiki/St._Catherine%27 ... estminster
It's not finished, but let me know what you think so far.

by **Reaht** » Fri Mar 31, 2023 5:18 am

7/10, it looks professional, but incomplete

I only have one factbook:
https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1854358

by **Pacifica Solaris** » Fri Mar 31, 2023 5:26 am

7/10, the text is broken up into paragraphs so it's not too daunting to look through, and the hyperlinks back to the top are a nice and useful touch. However, please, for the love of god, add some images.

https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1830924

by **Insulamia** » Sun Apr 02, 2023 5:05 am

I must say, I love the writing in this one. It's free from slips in grammar, spelling and whatnot and the overall writing style is excellent. It conveys a short storyline well, and the realisation of the setting hit me like a truck at the end (I must admit, it took a while before I realised why they were treating Star Wars like an ancient artefact

). The story moves at a good pace, though I do think giving readers more time and context to truly "get into the shoes" of Marcus could give the story more depth and immersion.

But my main piece of criticism here (and even so I'm being picky) is that the aesthetic is kind of bland and doesn't really reflect the excellence of the text. The first impression I got from looking at it was "a medium-to-low-effort story factbook that has a stock image just for the sake of pictures", which is so far off what it is. I appreciate the basic formatting that you've put on the text - the paragraphing, the italics, and the bold italics - but otherwise there isn't too much that sets it apart from your common summerposter. Even simply specifying a font could do wonders (it renders in Verdana on my screen, which just looks oh-so generic). Another idea could be to make the background black (using [background-block] tags) because it fits with the aesthetic of the dark movie theatre.

And the image, like I said, is just a stock photo. It does ease the reader's eyes a little by not shoving a wall of text into their face, but that's about it. There isn't much relevance to the actual text nor is a novelty value. Maybe you could collage together an image of a theatre showing the "a long time ago in a galaxy far far away..." line and put that at the end? Just a thought, and not necessarily a good one lol. Also, I don't think you should have that box around the projector image, 'cause it makes it look more like a demonstrative image on an encyclopedia article than something you would find in a story book (though this is probably just a matter of my personal taste).

All in all, the criticisms are small (rhyme?!), though they might improve reader retention if addressed. Apart from that, the dispatch is wonderful. 9/10 and upvoted.

For BN to rate: https://iiwiki.us/wiki/St._Catherine%27 ... estminster
Aye, I put this one last time, but I've made massive improvements to it since, and the last rating really didn't do it for me. Give it a considerate read, and tell me what you think!

by **Insulamia** » Tue Apr 04, 2023 12:13 am

/bump, and a reminder; especially the considerate part:

Insulamia wrote:For BN to rate: https://iiwiki.us/wiki/St._Catherine%27 ... estminster
Aye, I put this one last time, but I've made massive improvements to it since, and the last rating really didn't do it for me. Give it a considerate read, and tell me what you think!

by **Rhanukhan** » Tue Apr 04, 2023 3:58 am

Are we sure that St Catherine's isn't actually a real institution? That's a phenomenal level of detail - it felt like an entirely real wiki page. This has it all - a credible history, an extensive cast of varied characters, all the illustrations you'd expect... even a little bit of scandal to keep it exciting.

An amusing aside - the colours of the three boarding houses happen to be identical to the three types of striped hazard tape sold at my workplace.

Potentially concerning - I trust that the image used to represent Thomas Darcy is either an AI generated nobody or at least somebody who was actually guilty of similar crimes? Otherwise it seems a bit obliquely libellous.

Ultimately, there's nothing I can fault. I'm sure that the college would be proud of you, were you one of their students - 10/10

hmm... in the other similar threads this factbook has never been picked by anybody. It covers one small part of a fun roleplay event that ran for a good chunk of a year in our regional forum that I recall fondly.

by **Insulamia** » Tue Apr 04, 2023 4:14 am

/skip

by **Hrstrovokia** » Tue Apr 04, 2023 4:23 am

Rhanukhan wrote:
hmm... in the other similar threads this factbook has never been picked by anybody. It covers one small part of a fun roleplay event that ran for a good chunk of a year in our regional forum that I recall fondly.

Cool factbook, reminds me of Rogue Trooper except your guys are yellow. I like that you went to the effort to use your (or custom) own artwork. I'd love to see more of that. The Super Soldiers (GBI-1) are interesting and I'd like to see the factbook expanded (I know you link a related factbook too) - maybe accounts from one of these beings - what's it like to be one?. Would be really cool to see if you sell these on a storefront!

-

If someone could rate my factbook on a version of the famous Soviet fighter jet MiG-29X, took me quite awhile to do and it's buried within factbooks so doesn't get noticed.

by **Rhanukhan** » Tue Apr 04, 2023 5:04 am

/skipme

by **East Plate** » Wed Apr 05, 2023 8:05 pm

Hrstrovokia wrote:If someone could rate my factbook on a version of the famous Soviet fighter jet MiG-29X, took me quite awhile to do and it's buried within factbooks so doesn't get noticed.

Well, that was a very long read indeed! Look, I normally try give only positive feedback in these kinds of threads, but considering that applying my "normal" ranking standards to your factbook would just produce a 10/10 and not much more to say, I'll take the liberty to be picky and pedantic. I think you will also find my honest opinion about this factbook way more useful than a watered-down opinion, considering the great amount of effort this factbook seems to have received, and how passionate you seem to be about this stuff.

I'll start with the positive stuff. The general structure of the factbook is extremely well done and professional-looking. The writing style is very clear and uses very serious and realistic language that makes the whole thing feel very real. I'm sure you can make the average person believe this thing is actually real. Heck, if you replaced the name of your nation with the name of a real one and publish this on another web that is not NationStates, I would believe it too! I also appreciate that the factbook is very organised, with clear sections and subtitles, and a lot of links to external pages that contribute to the general feeling of this being real. I can't even imagine how much time finding and compiling those pages must have taken. On a side note, I also have to commend you for your formatting. While it is still rather simple, it looks very clean, and the images you chose to use in the factbook are very beautiful and eye-catching. The fact that you also credited the authors of said images is also something very commendable. To be honest, this whole thing truly shows that you are passionate about the stuff you write about.

Moving on to the not-so-positive stuff (and please keep in mind this all comes from my pedantic and picky self, I still think the factbook is top-quality)... I'll start by directly addressing the elephant in the room. The factbook is simply way too long. I know this may sound a bit hypocritical coming from a guy who also has horribly long factbooks, but regardless of that, I think it is important I address this, as I think this is also something my own factbooks suffer from. When I opened your factbook and saw its extent, I doubted if I wanted to read it or not just because of how long it was. That feeling was worsened by the fact that your factbook is about a very niche topic. Let's be honest here, the number of people who are interested in learning about the planes of a nation is probably not very big, and if you combine that with a very long and detailed description, you get the perfect combination for people to simply ignore the factbook.

Furthermore, I must also say that I am not someone who knows much about planes in general, and you use some jargon that may be a bit complex for us (as in, people who are not into planes) to understand. Just to give you an example of what I am trying to say, looking at your "Radar and Sensors" section, I have no clue what a "EL/M-2052 Active Electronically Scanned Array Radar" is. I think that you correctly guessed most people would not know what that is, so in the next paragraphs, you describe it. However, you use phrases like "X-Band Fire Control Radar," "Synthetic-Aperture Radar," "Real Beam Map," "Doppler Beam Sharpening," "Inverse Synthetic-Aperture Radar," "pulse doppler," "monopulse guard channel," etc, etc... I have no clue what those are, and I am bold enough to say most people here don't know what those are either. When I read those paragraphs, I effectively learned nothing about your plane, not because I didn't want to, but because I genuinely do not know what I am reading. Those are just fancy words for me, without much meaning. If you asked me what I thought about the radars and sensors in your plane, I honestly couldn't say anything more than "it has advanced technology that sounds cool" which I guess was not your intention.

When sharing scientific information, or basically anything that requires the reader to have some kind of previous knowledge, I think it is important to place ourselves in the shoes of our intended audience and try not to include jargon that only someone who knows about the stuff you are talking about would understand, and if that is not possible (or we choose to include it anyways) always make sure to add a description or explanation. I know it is hard not to do this, especially because some things can be obvious to the person who writes them, but it is probably one of the most important things if you want to connect with whoever reads what you are saying.

To put it in simple words, it does not matter how great or detailed something is if you direct it to the wrong audience, and I am not sure if the average NationStates player is the most adequate audience for this kind of factbook. I think your work would be much more appreciated in a community that is more into this kind of stuff, and I am sure it would probably be considered a very valuable contribution there.

I'll say this again just for good measure. Your factbook is truly amazing, and I do not want you to think otherwise. I'm being this pedantic just because I think you deserve my honest opinion, and not just a shorter version of this message where I basically stop at what I said in my second paragraph.

BN: Feel free to rate this factbook. Any criticism is welcomed!

by **Hrstrovokia** » Thu Apr 06, 2023 1:46 pm

East Plate wrote:
Hrstrovokia wrote:If someone could rate my factbook on a version of the famous Soviet fighter jet MiG-29X, took me quite awhile to do and it's buried within factbooks so doesn't get noticed.

Well, that was a very long read indeed! Look, I normally try give only positive feedback in these kinds of threads, but considering that applying my "normal" ranking standards to your factbook would just produce a 10/10 and not much more to say, I'll take the liberty to be picky and pedantic. I think you will also find my honest opinion about this factbook way more useful than a watered-down opinion, considering the great amount of effort this factbook seems to have received, and how passionate you seem to be about this stuff.

I'll start with the positive stuff. The general structure of the factbook is extremely well done and professional-looking. The writing style is very clear and uses very serious and realistic language that makes the whole thing feel very real. I'm sure you can make the average person believe this thing is actually real. Heck, if you replaced the name of your nation with the name of a real one and publish this on another web that is not NationStates, I would believe it too! I also appreciate that the factbook is very organised, with clear sections and subtitles, and a lot of links to external pages that contribute to the general feeling of this being real. I can't even imagine how much time finding and compiling those pages must have taken. On a side note, I also have to commend you for your formatting. While it is still rather simple, it looks very clean, and the images you chose to use in the factbook are very beautiful and eye-catching. The fact that you also credited the authors of said images is also something very commendable. To be honest, this whole thing truly shows that you are passionate about the stuff you write about.

Moving on to the not-so-positive stuff (and please keep in mind this all comes from my pedantic and picky self, I still think the factbook is top-quality)... I'll start by directly addressing the elephant in the room. The factbook is simply way too long. I know this may sound a bit hypocritical coming from a guy who also has horribly long factbooks, but regardless of that, I think it is important I address this, as I think this is also something my own factbooks suffer from. When I opened your factbook and saw its extent, I doubted if I wanted to read it or not just because of how long it was. That feeling was worsened by the fact that your factbook is about a very niche topic. Let's be honest here, the number of people who are interested in learning about the planes of a nation is probably not very big, and if you combine that with a very long and detailed description, you get the perfect combination for people to simply ignore the factbook.

Furthermore, I must also say that I am not someone who knows much about planes in general, and you use some jargon that may be a bit complex for us (as in, people who are not into planes) to understand. Just to give you an example of what I am trying to say, looking at your "Radar and Sensors" section, I have no clue what a "EL/M-2052 Active Electronically Scanned Array Radar" is. I think that you correctly guessed most people would not know what that is, so in the next paragraphs, you describe it. However, you use phrases like "X-Band Fire Control Radar," "Synthetic-Aperture Radar," "Real Beam Map," "Doppler Beam Sharpening," "Inverse Synthetic-Aperture Radar," "pulse doppler," "monopulse guard channel," etc, etc... I have no clue what those are, and I am bold enough to say most people here don't know what those are either. When I read those paragraphs, I effectively learned nothing about your plane, not because I didn't want to, but because I genuinely do not know what I am reading. Those are just fancy words for me, without much meaning. If you asked me what I thought about the radars and sensors in your plane, I honestly couldn't say anything more than "it has advanced technology that sounds cool" which I guess was not your intention.

When sharing scientific information, or basically anything that requires the reader to have some kind of previous knowledge, I think it is important to place ourselves in the shoes of our intended audience and try not to include jargon that only someone who knows about the stuff you are talking about would understand, and if that is not possible (or we choose to include it anyways) always make sure to add a description or explanation. I know it is hard not to do this, especially because some things can be obvious to the person who writes them, but it is probably one of the most important things if you want to connect with whoever reads what you are saying.

To put it in simple words, it does not matter how great or detailed something is if you direct it to the wrong audience, and I am not sure if the average NationStates player is the most adequate audience for this kind of factbook. I think your work would be much more appreciated in a community that is more into this kind of stuff, and I am sure it would probably be considered a very valuable contribution there.

I'll say this again just for good measure. Your factbook is truly amazing, and I do not want you to think otherwise. I'm being this pedantic just because I think you deserve my honest opinion, and not just a shorter version of this message where I basically stop at what I said in my second paragraph.

BN: Feel free to rate this factbook. Any criticism is welcomed!

Hey East Plate - thanks very much for your honest feedback, I appreciate you took the time to critique the factbook, especially it's so long. I'll work on trimming it down! Thank you very much!

/skipme

by **Atlantiumia** » Fri Apr 07, 2023 8:43 am

Interesting, East Plate, this factbook shows the history of your nation, cultural activities, government, etc.
https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1846223, this factbook is not done, and is not canon to some factbooks, like the OS script dispatch.

by **East Plate** » Fri Apr 07, 2023 6:07 pm

Atlantiumia wrote:Interesting, East Plate, this factbook shows the history of your nation, cultural activities, government, etc.

It is a factbook about an Eastplatine fraternal organisation... It does not talk about the history nor the government of the nation, but thanks I guess...
/Skip

by **Theixa** » Fri Apr 07, 2023 6:10 pm

Atlantiumia wrote:Interesting, East Plate, this factbook shows the history of your nation, cultural activities, government, etc.
https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1846223, this factbook is not done, and is not canon to some factbooks, like the OS script dispatch.

OMG ITS WIKIPEDIA 2
4000/10

this is factbook i want u to rate
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=the ... id=1860265

by **Sagrea** » Sat Apr 08, 2023 7:50 am

3/10, unfortunately. But I'll explain why.

From a music perspective, I have no idea what the melody is, nor is the text formatted in a way where I can sort of follow it. It's difficult to enjoy a song when it can't be read as a song.

From a context perspective, this is supposed to be a song sung during wartime, most likely by soldiers, meaning this should inspire confidence and valor. While you could argue the first and last lines do that, the lyrics in between are rather out of place, or even sort of nonsensical. I'm assuming it's supposed to be an explanation of the founding of the country, but it's not explained well. Further, none of it is really inspiring.

Grammatically, there are a few parts that are off. "made discovery of island" and "we became kingdom" don't make grammatical sense.

Writing music isn't easy (at least for me, which is why I still haven't written any), but this piece simply isn't composed well in any sense of a song or its meaning.

I just finished this factbook on the first Supreme Leader, please give an honest opinion on it. Any constructive criticism is welcome.
https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1863073

by **The Merry-Men** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 9:00 am

7/10

Nothing too outlandishly crazy or super intriguing, but it is very tidy and well-structured, and also it's refreshing to see a leader for a historical nation who actually has a canon death too! Often times you just try to immerse in the time period enough that you have to view it from the perspective of someone from that era when they're still canonically alive, but as far as things go, having a dignified death with a state funeral and a successor who will carry the torch from that period simply solidifies a character just a little bit more than one who has a future that seemingly only fate can decide. Not only that, but this guy genuinely seems like he cares for his nation, too.

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=the ... id=1856384

by **Diarcesia** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 9:04 am

The Merry-Men wrote:6/10

Nothing too outlandishly crazy or super intriguing, but it is very tidy and well-structured, and also it's refreshing to see a leader for a historical nation who actually has a canon death too! Often times you just try to immerse in the time period enough that you have to view it from the perspective of someone from that era when they're still canonically alive, but as far as things go, having a dignified death with a state funeral and a successor who will carry the torch from that period simply solidifies a character just a little bit more than one who has a future that seemingly only fate can decide. Not only that, but this guy genuinely seems like he cares for his nation, too.

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=the ... id=1856384

8/10. Covers what a layman needs to learn the language's background. One whole point is given for the curse words compilation ago.

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=dia ... /id=694721

by **Elvectica** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 9:14 am

Ah, finally, a nation that puts effort into detailing their administrative regions. I'm a sucker for those, especially having regional flags and even dedicating other nations to them

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=elv ... /id=882893

by **Yophades** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 10:37 am

10/10. I'm literally wordless, this is the best dispatch I've ever seen. Its has tasteful design, good writing and creativity. Is there even a thing that needs changing in this dispatch?

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=yop ... id=1863585

by **Doi** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 10:49 am

7/10 I like the large flag on the top but the rest is just basic Wiki, which don't get me wrong, does look nice and this does give decent information about AN, just, not that impressive.

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=doi ... id=1851524

its unfinished but it's the only textbased factbook i have

by **The Merry-Men** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 12:07 pm

5/10

It's a little lackluster, but the formatting is great, and all you need to know it right on there, short and simple, and definitely an interesting topic of alternate history.

Although I will very much complain about the Engrish "Aienredi" being used rather than "Tetsu-onna" for the linguistic accuracy.

Speaking of linguistics: https://www.nationstates.net/nation=the ... id=1856384

by **New Temecula** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 12:16 pm

8/10
From now on, I am calling my enemies "wooden spoons"

https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1858867
Rate this one :D

by **Equai** » Sun Apr 09, 2023 12:21 pm

I am giving it 8/10. Its detailed and well designed but it irks me that the states aren't put in more readable format (such as tables). In my opinion it just makes it a bit cluttery but I have to say that the images are awesome and that effort is put into it.

for BN/BU, you can rate this factbook: https://www.nationstates.net/nation=equai/detail=factbook/id=1860850

Rate the AN's Chosen Factbook!

Rate the AN's Chosen Factbook!

Who is online