United Kingdom of Annivia

[Annivia]

Composition of the Parliament as of 11 March 2023

House of Commoners (150; 76 for a majority)
Conservative Future: 53
Union of Socialists and Communists: 47
Libertarians: 38
Liberals & Greens Alliance: 12

House of Cardinals (271; 136 for a majority)
House membership is adjusted following retirements & resignations taking effect on Election day and His Majesty's new appointments, on the advice of the Prime Minister.

Conservative Future: 119
Union of Socialists and Communists: 85
Libertarians: 53
Right-Conservative: 14

[Annivia]

Motion #72: Addressing issue Time for a Colonyoscopy!

11 March 2023

Issue
The problems in Brasilistan were mounting daily. So, when push came to shove, an advisor told you to just take it over. And you did.
The dust has settled and, somehow, Annivia is now the proud owner of a new colony! There are still some teething issues, however, and there are some cultural and societal conflicts between settlers and native peoples. It’s up to you on how best to resolve these issues.

The Debate

1. “Obviously we need to remove the settlers,” Tamara Chatwin, Chairperson of the Annivia Council of Immigration Studies says frankly. “Pulling out completely and leaving the remaining populace to their own devices, however, would be detrimental and irresponsible. Ideally what needs to be done is to make Brasilistan a full part of Annivia, and give the remaining Brasilistanis full citizenship. We’d all be part of the same country, with the same citizenship, and the same rights and responsibilities.”

2. “Woah, hold on there, that’s way too drastic, and way too fast,” your Interior Minister chuckles. “That’s not going to solve the issues they’re facing today over there right now. We need to come up with some sort of initiative that slowly integrates the Brasilistanis into our culture. You should appoint panels of arbiters consisting of international experts to broker agreements between settlers and natives where necessary too. It’ll work, definitely. Probably.”

3. “It’s our land now,” your energy advisor says quietly. “It’s ours. Our own. Our precious. Eh, where was I... oh yes, Brasilistan. Look, there’s not that many Brasilistani left, let’s just give them the useless pockets of land. Like those on mountain slopes or in bogland. All oil-rich and arable lands can be kept for ourselves. Sure, it’s a little like segregation, but at least everyone will be happy, right?”

4. “All these options are valid, to be sure, but I have an easier way of settling this,” Björk Hyde, head of the nation’s nuclear program says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Can we please just nuke the place? Get our own guys out first, obviously but then just nuke it. We don’t need a colony, but we do need a nuclear testing site. Our own citizens here are getting annoyed we’re destroying good land in Annivia when there’s a perfectly good dump in the form of Brasilistan.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 12 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 47 Union of Socialists and Communists
To support Three: 91 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Four: 0
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 186 ✅ Conservative Future, Libertarians, and Right-Conservative
Not Contents: 85 Union of Socialists and Communists
Non-voting: 0

[Annivia]

Motion #73: Addressing issue Hero to Zero

11 March 2023

Issue
Universally-adored sportsman Rembrandt True has been a national treasure for years, not only for his philanthropic initiatives to “get tykes off the street, and onto the playing field”, but also for his best-selling sports books, TV appearances and social campaigns. But his good-guy reputation is being thrown into question by new evidence that he paid for and slept with a sex worker who had formerly attended one of his “Sport for Change” camps.

The Debate

1. “Look, I’m a patriot and I know that Rembrandt has been an incredible force for good,” suggests the pragmatic police detective who assembled the evidence. “This is about more than one person. It’s about Annivians standing behind a great man, the societal benefits of a patriotic citizenry, and the utilitarian greater good from saving the career of a true philanthropist. If we have a quiet word with him to clean up his life, we can bury the scandal and all keep cheering for our hero. Plus, he’ll know that he owes us one.”

2. “Truth can hurt sometimes,” counters ethically-minded junior minister Renee Clason. “Indeed, not only should we let this story get out, we should also prosecute this policeman for trying to pervert the course of justice. We must support a transparent society: if a hero turns out to be a zero, then that hero has to fall.”

3. “There’s more than one way to bury a story,” suggests spin doctor Zeus Johannsen. “Let the press run the story, but also create a fast news day to make it inconsequential in comparison. I suggest we use this opportunity to showcase those new air-cavalry attack helicopters we’ve been considering buying, do some circle fly-bys around the city and have a parade, and I don’t know, celebratory currant buns or something. The shows will distract the people and keep them happy, and the fallen hero story can be buried in the buzz.”

4.“So he used a sex worker, big deal,” laughs Mario Quimby, Minister of Special Relationships. “So she used to be on one of his courses. So he personally counselled her in one-on-one sessions just a month earlier. So he had access to her mental health records. So he was a sort of father figure to her. SO WHAT? This was an agreed transaction between two consenting adults. You should be supporting his actions publicly, and saying that his sex life is his own business.”

The House of Commoners
To support One:
To support Two: 103 ✅ Conservative Future, Libertarians, and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Three:
To dismiss: 47 Union of Socialists and Communists

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 186 ✅ Conservative Future, Libertarians, and Right-Conservative
Not Contents: 85 Union of Socialists and Communists
Non-voting: 0

[Annivia]

Motion #74: Addressing issue All Hands on Tap!

11 March 2023

Issue
Hoping to enjoy a quiet afternoon after a busy week full of Cabinet meetings, you are startled as Luke Erso, your Minister of Health, rushes into your office without even knocking on the door. He is flushed with indignation, and is obsessively rubbing his hands with an antibacterial wet wipe.

The Debate

1. “Oh, this is a public health disaster, Prime Minister!” your Health Minister clamours, slipping on a pair of latex gloves before grasping your hands in supplication. “I was in the restroom just a moment ago, and what should I see there? A vile, vulgar villain who left the stall and strode straight out of the door without washing his hands! This is the third time this week I have seen this disgusting behaviour. We need a public health campaign to remind people to wash their hands properly after using the toilet!”

2. “Excuse me: a villain?” asks Morgan Enuv-Thyme, your secretary, brushing dandruff off your shoulder and blowing a raspberry at your Health Minister. “For your information, I am the villain that he complains about, and I did not wash my hands. So what? Everyone knows that door handles and money have more germs on them than a human bottom, yet nobody washes their hands after touching those. In fact, I think coming into contact with germs probably boosts our immune system, and running taps less is good for the environment. You should be actively promoting water-saving strategies, Prime Minister!”

3. “This potty talk is unacceptable!” interjects your aunt, who has come to your office unannounced to bring you brownies for your afternoon tea. “My little darling, we talked about this. Toilet business is private business, and we shouldn’t be getting involved. In fact, it’s just poor taste all around for public officials to talk about private functions. Let’s have some decorum in politics, please!”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 12 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 0
To support Three: 138 ✅ Conservative Future, Union of Socialists and Communists, and Libertarians
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
The motion passed by unanimous consent.

[Annivia]

Motion #75: Addressing issue Trick or Treaty

11 March 2023

Issue
After lengthy political wrangling, a global treaty on reducing greenhouse gas emissions has been put on the table. World powers such as Brancaland, Blackacre and Dàguó have moved to ratify the treaty, and the heat is on for Annivia to make a decision.

The Debate

1. “Only through coordinated international action can we deal with the crisis of climate change,” preaches Julius Lovegood, who has spent the better part of a decade as Annivia’s lead negotiator for the treaty. “The emissions reduction targets in this treaty are achievable, and affordable. Prime Minister, for our children’s future, we must ratify this treaty.”

2. “What mankind does has no bearing on whether the weather is warm,” rants Olivia Shongwe, a columnist at the think-tank Convenient Truths. “Ratifying this treaty would be economic suicide, and it’s well-known that the threats of so-called ‘climate change’ have been exaggerated by countries like Dàguó in order to cripple our economy. You must refuse to ratify this treaty!”

3. “You know, I was beginning to warm up to this treaty,” argues hot-headed environmentalist Wei Bender. “But then, I got to the proposed emissions reduction targets: they’re pathetic! We do need to set an international example, but not by ratifying this worthless treaty. Instead, we must pass national legislation that properly addresses the magnitude of our problem. Like, oh I don’t know, an eighty percent reduction of all emissions by next Tuesday.”

4. “All this has me thinking,” muses Lucy Grossman, an economics professor specializing in game theory, who is simultaneously playing chess with your aide. “The emissions reductions would impact our economy, but not ratifying the treaty would adversely affect our international reputation. I noticed that the compliance verification provisions are quite... lax. So let’s ratify, do some lip-service, and then forget about it. It’ll give us a competitive advantage.” With a flourish, she moves her queen across the chessboard. “Check and mate!”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 0
To support Two: 91 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Three: 59 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Four: 0
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 172 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 99 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 0

[Annivia]

Motion #76: Addressing issue Much Ado About Abortion

11 March 2023

Issue

The Debate
A monstrous debate between pro-life and pro-choice groups has erupted after a high-profile case of a pregnant woman aborting her foetus because she ‘didn’t feel like it’ hit the tabloids.

1. Lisbeth Kidman, lawyer for the woman known only as Miss X, says, “It is Miss X’s right to choose! It’s her body; she can do whatever she wants with it. In the interest of women’s rights, abortion MUST be legal throughout the country!”

2. “I most vehemently disagree,” says Ryan Ripley, a pro-life activist. “I’m all for women’s rights in general, but what about the child? Does it have no rights either? Abortion is totally immoral and I insist that it be outlawed except in cases of rape, or when the mother’s life is in danger.”

3. “You’re not going far enough! Abortion is murder!” shouts Reverend Alexei Zhimo, waving a placard with a picture of a foetus on it. “God decides which babies live and which will die, not us! The government must maintain a stern anti-abortion stance to preserve the morality of Annivia!”

4. “Abortion has to be legal if we’re going to last as a nation,” says Elaine Fernandez, President of the Society of Bitter Old People. “Have you ever thought that with our nation’s growing population of 1.089 billion, we soon aren’t going to be able to squeeze any more people into Annivia? If we use abortion to control the population, we’ll make great savings and can spend the money elsewhere. One child per family should just about do it I think. Extraneous ones can be sold to other countries.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 97 ✅ Union of Socialists and Communists, Libertarians and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 53 Conservative Future
To support Three: 0
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 138 ✅ Union of Socialists and Communists, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 133 Conservative Future, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 0

[Annivia]

Motion #77: Addressing issue Trading Climate Sours

12 March 2023

Issue
Your refusal to sign a landmark climate treaty has resulted in bitter trade relations with some of the countries who did sign it. A number of imported items have run out of stock nationwide, causing them to be replaced with odd substitutes, which are now also out of stock. Upon realizing that the pitcher formerly containing luxury mangosteen juice is instead a strange concoction of vinegar and pineapple extract, everyone at the table is now looking at you with distaste.

The Debate

1. “So it has come to this!” cries Peggy Black, your Minister of Health and Safety, armed with several bandoliers of vitamin C supplements. “Just go back to Brancaland and say that you didn’t SEE the treaty. Of course we would have signed it if only we had known! Though you may want to suggest some... minor amendments, to say the least.” She hands a quantity of flaxseeds and a jar of applesauce in a 2:1 ratio to you. “For luck.”

2. “First they tell us to bankrupt our country by making reforms that we can’t afford, and now they’re trying to make sure we’ll stay poor by cutting off our trade?” roars your Minister of Commerce, Xu Haggard, writing with a series of crudely whittled charcoal sticks. “We just need to find new trade partners. If we set all the terms, we can end this acrid drought and continue to run on what has made the world’s economy work for centuries. Items like coal, oil, plaster sculptures of your face — and now there’s even less competition for all three!”

3. “I knew this would happen ever since the man on AM radio said it would,” grumbles retired military officer Coriolanus Nimoy, unfolding his wrist watch into cutlery before attacking a thirty-year-old survival meal kit. “Treaties are just how the globalist elite get you to turn over your sovereignty. If we need something, anything at all, we should make it ourselves! Let’s start making our own products straight from Annivian soil, even if they don’t grow here, even if they don’t grow at all!”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 59 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 91 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Three: 0
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 131 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 99 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 41 Conservative Future, and Libertarian

[Annivia]

Motion #78: Addressing issue Waste Not Want Not

12 March 2023

Issue
With the nation recently affirming its pro-choice stance and guaranteeing women the freedom to terminate unwanted pregnancies, the question has risen about the proper disposal of the products of conception.

The Debate

1. “This is an untapped medical resource of considerable scientific value,” explains Nate Taffs, the Director of the Annivia Stem Cell Research Institute, urging you to look at an image depicting a life-sized zygote. “Life-saving research can be and has been carried out using foetal material. For example, past experiments that gave us the polio vaccine. In the future, they may be part of the cure for neurodegenerative diseases and spinal cord injuries. Claim this resource for use in medical research, and new advances will surely follow.”

2. “I understand that abortion is sometimes regrettably necessary, but these are still human remains that we’re talking about here,” argues funeral director Sue-Ann Cartman, glancing dolefully at Taffs. “The bereaved family should perhaps instead be given counsel on options for a dignified funeral service, and the importance of mourning the lost little life. This act will also help give sufficient weight to the act of ending an unborn life, and perhaps make people consider their family planning options more carefully in the future.”

3. “The way I see it, the thing is a product of my body,” says proud abortion clinic regular and self-proclaimed ‘expert laissez-faire economist’ Anna Howell. “Ipso facto, I retain ownership. If I want to sell the products of conception to a research institute or to some major national corporation that wants it for whatever purpose, then I have the absolute right to sell to the highest bidder. If I’d rather not, that’s up to me too. That’s the free market economy.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 0
To support Two: 0
To support Three: 97 ✅ Union of Socialists and Communists, Libertarians and Liberals & Greens Alliance[/i]
To dismiss: 53 Conservative Future

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 138 ✅ Union of Socialists and Communists, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 133 Conservative Future, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 0

[Annivia]

Motion #79: Addressing issue In Loco Parentis

12 March 2023

Issue
When separated dad Tarquin Ives put his daughter Katniss on the train, he made sure her mum knew the correct time and platform at which the child was due to arrive. He also arranged for a babysitter to travel with the tot, given that she was only two years old. Controversially, the babysitter was his son, himself only seven years of age. A train conductor noted both children travelling alone, and intervened by calling the police and social services.

The Debate

1. “The only ****ing problem here is the ****ing train conductor ****ing interfering where he wasn’t ****ing wanted,” complains Barbie Wheeler, the mother of the two children, as she thrusts a sippy-cup containing Eckie-Cola at her resisting daughter. “We’ve been doing it this way for two ****ing years, and never had any ****ing problems. How about the government, the police, social services and all you other nosy ****s keep out of how we choose to deal with OUR ****ing children?”

2. “This is about child safety!” exclaims Ilya Dodinas, the train conductor. “I mean, we actually have a reasonably priced service where we offer supervision to unattended children. What sort of lousy parent puts a seven-year-old in charge of a two-year-old? Frankly, if parents are too lazy to use the provisions, they shouldn’t be allowed to raise kids at all. You should invest in Child Protection Services, and extend their powers to take children into safe, governmental care when they’re being neglected by incompetent parents.”

3. “If I might interject?” interrupts Fyodor, the seven-year-old boy at the centre of the saga, as he changes his sister’s nappy. “Clearly capability varies from child to child, but some of us are obviously more advanced than others. While I accept a priori that adults are responsible for safeguarding the wellbeing of children, I think there’s room for flexibility in the interpretation of adulthood. Posit: Can we institute a formal test, to be applied for at any age, that is legally required to prove capacity to act in loco parentis? I’ve been reading up on the legal ins-and-outs, and it seems like a straightforward enough possibility. I’d be happy to help you draft something.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 70 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Two: 47 Union of Socialists and Communists
To support Three: 12 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To dismiss: 21 Conservative Future

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
The motion passed by unanimous consent.

[Annivia]

Motion #80: Addressing issue Patriot or Patri-Not?

12 March 2023

Issue
A recent poll of the population has revealed that patriotism is at an all-time low. The nation’s few remaining patriots have crowded in your office, as they desperately try to boost Annivia’s public pride.

The Debate

1. “I’m shocked and appalled!” gasps Annivia City town crier Willow McCartney, decked out in an obnoxious outfit with the same color scheme as the national flag. “People should be proud to call themselves a citizen of Annivia, and we ought to start their proper political education when they’re young. History and civics classes need to be mandatory, so long as those lefty liberal loons aren’t providing the material. Kids must be forced to recite the national anthem and the Pledge of Annivia in schools. That’ll show those filthy commies in East Lebatuck! Long live the United Kingdom!”

2. “Frankly, that doesn’t go far enough!” argues your military aide-de-camp General Barbie Song while flexing her muscles. “The government must instill pride in Annivia at every opportunity. The national anthem should be played over public loudspeakers. Flags and propaganda posters need to be on every street corner. We can even place subliminal messages in movies, music, and art. Oh, and we can have big military parades in major cities. Nothing says ‘We conservatives, we believers’ like the display of raw military might!”

3. “Maybe if the people saw the government doing something good for a change, they would feel differently,” suggests Pablo Bradbury, who was the only person to show up for a scheduled tour group. “All I see on the news are issues about government scandals, partisan blowhards insulting each other, or some military official threatening war with Maxtopia. No wonder our citizens think this country is a disgrace. The government could tone down the craziness and say oh, I don’t know, help out the victims of that earthquake in Blackacre or enact some policies to help end homelessness. Who knows, maybe people will be proud to call themselves Annivians once again?”

4. “Or, you know, we can do none of that,” yawns an apathetic citizen wearing a Bigtopian football jersey, who only came to the meeting because of your offer of free pizza. “I mean, not everyone wants to support the country or whatever. People shouldn’t be forced into loving the country through government action. Sure, then maybe you won’t have people caring as much, but... hey! The Real Housewives of Annivia City is coming on. Is there a television somewhere in here?”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 53 Conservative Future
To support Two: 0
To support Three: 0
To dismiss: 85 ✅ Union of Socialists and Communists, and Libertarians

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 138 ✅ Union of Socialists and Communists, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 14 Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 119 Conservative Future

[Annivia]

Motion #81: Addressing issue Tie Fighters

14 March 2023

Issue
The national election is over and election officials are painstakingly counting every vote. The results are expected to be close and one electoral district, Annya Valley, has already seen a tie. The incumbent, cabinet minister Jennifer Nike and her challenger, Violet Utopia each amassed exactly the same number of votes. The candidates have already begun fighting, both with each other and with election officials at the Electoral Commission of Annivia, prompting the first major debate of the new political session.

The Debate

1. “Prime Minister, as the incumbent for Annya Valley I believe I have the right to represent it again,” demands Mrs. Nike after arguing with a nearby election official over whether an ‘X’ or a check-mark constitutes a spoiled ballot. “Precedent should always be given to maintaining the status quo, and officials should not be deposed or replaced except by a two-thirds majority. That’ll give us some political stability, and give you and me a chance to get things done.”

2. “Prime Minister, I demand a re-vote!” exclaims the increasingly paranoid Violet as she meticulously reviews paragraph forty, subsection two of the Election Code, which deals with re-votes. “We all know how corrupt this government is. I swear your goons have been stalking me! We need to hold a new election for the district. If the results are within 10% of a draw, then we’ll keep on holding re-votes until I, uh, someone wins!”

3. “As always Prime Minister, I have the perfect solution!” declares your gambling addict brother who makes life decisions by the roll of the dice. “Why not have tie votes determined by a coin toss? It’s simple, fun, and doesn’t show any favoritism. We could bet on the outcomes and even apply the same principle to the legislature!” He then takes your prized antique ancient golden Maxtopian coin and flips it. “Fifty ans on tails!”

The House of Commoners
The House voted unanimously to dismiss the issue.

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
The motion passed by unanimous consent.

[New Stonen]

may i ask what this is? (just curious; I have no problem with this subforum whatsoever)

[Annivia]

Motion #81: Addressing issue We’re Dying for Your Business

14 March 2023

Issue
A recent exposé of the death care industry revealed that funeral costs are leaving some families dead broke. The reason for the price increases is thought to be because while population growth continues to rise, funeral parlour growth has stopped cold, resulting in shocking cases of price gouging. Demand for last rites has become so high that families sometimes have to pawn all of the deceased’s possessions just to afford a simple burial.

The Debate

1. “Dying is not something we have a choice in,” weeps a sombre woman dressed all in black. “The tragic death of a loved one followed by an astronomical bill landing on our doorsteps can put families’ finances in a death spiral. I urge you, Prime Minister, to scrap death charges altogether and provide state-funded funerals for everyone. That way families won’t have to mourn their bank accounts as well as their loved ones.”

2. “Yes, and do you know why there’s a shortage of funeral services, hmmm?” quietly seethes funeral director Igor Fronkensteen, while dragging a lumpy burlap sack behind him. “Burial plot land costs...they are rising, yes? The price of insuring a hearse these days is, how do you say, absolutely ludicrous, yes? And the restrictive laws on ‘adequate refrigeration’ and ‘treating the dead with dignity’ all are running our margins and my salary down! You want more funeral services at a cheaper price, you should ease up on the bureaucracy, yes?”

3. “Funeral services? What a waste of money,” scoffs obscure thinker Tyrion Krauss, who has yet to sell any copies of his book Rich Dead, Poor Dead. “What’s the point in some drawn-out shebang for someone who’s not even going to be around to see it? Do away with funerals altogether. That way we can cremate everyone and harvest their bodies for phosphorus!”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 28 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 91 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Three: 0
To dismiss: 31 Union of Socialists and Communists

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 144 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 117 Union of Socialists and Communists, Conservative Future, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 10 Conservative Future

[Annivia]

Motion #82: Addressing issue Making Money Hand Over Fist

14 March 2023

Issue
In a highly-anticipated boxing match between ‘Pretty Boy’ Appa Chandra and Nebuchadnezzar ‘The Junkyard Dog’ Poe watched by millions across the nation, both competitors walked away with more than one hundred million ans. Critics are claiming that the fight has ushered in a new wave of spoilt, egotistical, money-grabbing athletes.

The Debate

1. “It is utterly ridiculous,” tuts Rod Webster, a freelance journalist who formerly focused on politics but is rumored to have switched to reporting on sports to pay the bills. “If I knew dancing around like a fairy for an hour could earn me that much, I certainly wouldn’t be wasting my time writing! The government should peg athletes’ salaries to another hardworking profession, like freelance journalism, to curb this unfair advantage.”

2. “That just doesn’t cut it,” interjects Airey Dimitrov, head of a wage equality group. “What about the actor getting paid a princely sum for spending a day acting in a commercial? Or a CEO getting paid fifty times what their workers make to lounge on the golf course? The government should regulate all professions. Professional pay will no longer be a matter of industry and business, but of legality and government policy.”

3. “They must think we’re grabbing money from their... wal... uh, wall... er... pockets,” mumbles the no longer so handsome-looking Appa Chandra, who lost the fight in a knockout. “Lots of people paid to see the fight and I ear... uhh... what’s the word? EARNED that money. In fact, you should... pro... prom... help make more people watch our fights. People will have a fun thing to watch, and maybe they’ll even want to become fit like me.”

4. “Those critics are just cowardly keyboard warriors,” hisses the infamously tough boxing coach Dixie Lawson. “I’m sure anyone critical of athletes’ salaries would quickly shut up if we forced them into a real fighting situation. They’d be good punching bags for the million an fighter I’m training.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 12 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 47 Union of Socialists and Communists
To support Three: ✅ 64 Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Four: 0
To dismiss: 27 Conservative Future

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 186 ✅ Conservative Future, Right-Conservative, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 64 Union of Socialists and Communists
Non-voting: 21 Union of Socialists and Communists

[New Stonen]

ill leave you to it

[Annivia]

Motion #83: Addressing issue The Walking, Talking, and Irritated Dead

14 March 2023

Issue
Seven years ago Oliver King went missing after a yachting accident, and has since been declared officially dead. However, he recently re-emerged and came back to Annivia. Despite showing up in person to get his death certificate reversed, he found he could not do so. His mortician has come to complain to you on his behalf, as corpses aren’t allowed in the building.

The Debate

1. “It seems silly to me that my corpse... er, I mean patient, is still considered dead,” says Renee Campbell, the mortician of Oliver King, as she pushes a gurney with a covered and very life-like mannequin on it. “If somebody who has been declared dead shows up and gets an examination, the doctor should be able to change their legal status to living.”

2. The mannequin suddenly sits up, revealing itself to be Zephyr Ho, who was also declared legally dead after getting lost in the rain forests of Macronesia ten years ago. “Being dead isn’t all bad, I suppose. There are no taxes, my family got an insurance pay-out... I guess it’s kind of fun to be a ‘zombie’! You should just let me stay legally dead. People like me, who officially ‘don’t exist’, can’t claim any government benefits, so you guys get to save some money too.”

3. “I may have made a mistake, but after seven years it’s reasonable to presume someone isn’t coming back,” states Declan Pelosi, the registrar who made the death of Oliver King official. “Of course Oliver is still alive and should be registered as such. Therefore, his family should be made to return their insurance pay-out, and his last will and testament needs to be scrutinized to see if they received any other benefits from his death.”

4. “You know, maybe Zephyr Ho is on to something,” says your Minister of Necromancy, Jenna Ward. “Maybe we should create a task force of legally dead people to eliminate dissenters. We can deny their existence easily because they’re all dead, and if anybody tries to blow the lid off it, they’ll just sound like a crackpot who believes children’s stories!”

5. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ZOMBIE!” screams your young and excitable niece. “KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT!” Your sister comes in to try to calm the hysterical girl down, as she shouts over the screaming. “Seriously though, if the government says people are dead, they ought to ensure it.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 12 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 4 Conservative Future
To support Three: 134 ✅ Conservative Future, Union of Socialists and Communists, and Libertarians
To support Four: 0
To support Five: 0
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
The motion passed by unanimous consent.

[Annivia]

Motion #83: Addressing issue Motherlode

14 March 2023

Issue
Former child star ‘Jolly’ Jacquetta Cogan featured in 45 films between the ages of three and eleven years, earning a vast fortune. Jacquetta is now of age, and has made a shocking discovery: of her once-great wealth, there is now only a handful of ans left.

The Debate

1. “My money was stolen by my mother,” insists Jacquetta, not breaking into one of her trademark tap dances to turn that frown upside down. “When I was eleven, I had enough money to live well for the rest of my life. But my mother has since spent every an on diamond jewellery, luxury holidays and a private island for her poodle. You have to ensure all earnings of a child performer are held in trust until the child is of age, and that any monies already spent for any reason are paid back.”

2. “Simply put, a parent has legal control of both offspring and finances ’til adulthood,” drawls Yui Cogan, lifting her wrist with difficulty to glance at her diamond-laden watch. “To interfere with that would disrupt the natural parent-child relationship, and teach a child to disrespect their parent’s choices. And, she forgets, I bought things for her, too. Fed her, even after directors wouldn’t cast her any more. I don’t ask for my money back. Anyway, she was only ever playing in front of a camera. Do children get paid for make-believe?”

3. A young girl runs up to you, holding a box of part-eaten cookies. “Wait! Parents using child actors like piggy-banks is just mean, but my family only eats this week if I get this Bicquick commercial – ‘my mummy says they’re scrummy in your tummy; now with honey’. I don’t want my family to starve ’til I’m a grown-up. Maybe our parents can just buy what they need to take good care of us, and your government can check they’re not buying silly things with our money and saving some for our futures. By the way, did I sound like a Bicquick Girl? I really hate them.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 79 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Two: 47 Union of Socialists and Communists
To support Three: 12 Libertarians
To dismiss: 12 Libearls & Greens Alliance

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 142 ✅ Conservative Future, Right-Conservative, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 53 Union of Socialists and Communists
Non-voting: 76 Conservative Future, Union of Socialists and Communists, and Libertarians

[Annivia]

Motion #84: Addressing issue Ans, Drugs, and Rock’n’Roll

15 March 2023

Issue
A group of surprisingly hip and mellow businessmen have meandered over to your office, with paperwork to propose Annyafest, a celebration of music, dance and good times that will incidentally make them a truckload of money. They see your nation not only as the new stomping grounds for this annual music festival, but also as a place that could be seen as being friendly to festival culture in general, welcoming the dread-locked (and sometimes nude) bear-dancing nomads, with their mind-altering substances, groovy music and economy-stimulating disposable incomes.

The Debate

1. “This festeroo is gonna be groovy, man!” croons Otohime Dovey, famous lead guitarist of Grateful Floyd. “I can’t wait to transcend the minds of all that watch me, man! My guitar just may steal your face right off your head, stick it on a rock-rocket and then set the controls for the heart of the sun! Ya know, man?! Prime Minister, you can even jam with us if you give us the space for this festival!”

2. “I don’t know about this!” worries Yoshi Levi, an angry old man. “These darn hippies want to be flooding my town with their drug paraphernalia, their smelly bodies, their electronical guitars and their ‘popping’ music! Keep these drug-fueled, fried-egg-brained layabouts out of our great nation! Say no to drugs! Say no to subversive drug music! Say no to young people!”

3. “How about we have the festival, but supply enough police presence to keep the drugs out?” asks Cinna Schmidt, a former weed-smoking spiritualist turned substance-abuse counsellor. “We can have our police force monitor the festival, and maybe also have an anti-drug awareness campaign working the festival, and some consultation work to minimise local disruption and environmental impact. We can have a good time and keep the drugs away... It’s all about the music, isn’t it?”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 4 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 27 Conservative Future
To support Three: 119 ✅ Conservative Future, Union of Socialists and Communists, Libertarians, andLiberals & Greens Alliance
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 132 ✅ Conservative Future, Libertarians, and Union of Socialists and Communists
Not Contents: 87 Conservative Future, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 52 Conservative Future, and Union of Socialists and Communists

[Annivia]

Motion #85: Addressing issue Who’s Occupying What?

15 March 2023

Issue
Many young, educated, and unemployed people are frustrated because jobs are being outsourced to workers in Bigtopia. On the other hand, low end service industries are seeing a shortage of workers, sparking debate over possible solutions to the employment gap.

The Debate

1. “Frankly, we shouldn’t be wasting time giving our children costly educations, just to have Bigtopians take their jobs,” remarks Quasimodo Zaius, a wealthy business executive sharing a drink in your office. “Let’s lift the ban on child labor and instead put our children to work in service and retail positions - jobs that can’t be sent to other countries. They might not get paid much, but it’ll at least get them working and this economy moving again.” Handing you a wad of money, he continues, “And we’ll both make an an or two off it as well...”

2. Otohime Fernandez, author of “Command Economies: The Communist Ideal” and part-time florist, slips into your office and says, “On that thought, perhaps we could use the government to allocate our resources... erm... children. To help economic efficiency, we’ll split them up early on, sending some right into the workforce where the economy needs them. We’ll raise the others through the education system.” The noted statist thinker, deftly rearranging your vase of roses, quickly adds, “It might be expensive to manage, and kids won’t get much choice in what kind of a job they get, but I think everyone will be happy after realizing that everything fits... perfectly...”

3. “Our people need jobs, but giving more money to fat-cat business owners isn’t the answer!” remarks William Martin of the Occupy Annivia City movement, unaware of the ‘Hiring’ sign in a nearby department store window. “In fact, we should tighten regulations on robber barons to ensure they put our workers first. And make them pay a little more in taxes to help support hard-working Annivians as well! Sure, the businesses may not like it, but it will help out the common man. Help the 99%!”

4. “All ze jobs are VHERE?!” General Von Gugelheimer lets out a piercing scream. “Zose Bigtopians and zeir business friends need to remember vhich is ze better country! Never mind zat ze businesses at fault are based out of Annivia. Let’s blow zose Bigtopians off ze map! Boost ze military’s size, and ve von’t have to vorry about zem anymore. Trade vill take a hit, but isn’t ZE POWER vorth it? Hahaha... HAHAHAHA!”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 91 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Two: 41 Union of Socialists and Communists
To support Three: 56 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 157 ✅ Conservative Future, Right-Conservative, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 27 Union of Socialists and Communists
Non-voting: 87 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Conservative Future

[Annivia]

Motion #86: Addressing issue Oh the Humanity!

18 March 2023

Issue
During a recent severe storm, the airship AAS-Hiddenburg caught fire and ended up making a crash landing in Annivia City. Everyone on board as well as several hundred people on the ground were killed in the resulting inferno. Reporter Herb Morris’ incredible live coverage of the disaster and the media circus surrounding the safety of such vessels has people looking to the government for solutions.

The Debate

1. Cary Kimmel, apparent spokesperson for the families of the victims gasps out between sobs, “The only reason this happened is the government has turned a blind eye to the dangers of these vehicles! The solution is obvious: pass and rigidly enforce safety regulations on dangerous industries! Oh, and make the owners of these companies financially liable to the families. I mean, I lost my dad after all, I deserve a little bit of compensation.”

2. “Really now, airships safely make these trips on a routine basis! These people are looking at a tiny mishap and not the bigger picture!” claims Heather Roberts, owner of Airship Enterprises, the company that operates airships like the crashed AAS-Hiddenburg. “If anything, the government should be supporting the industry through this tragedy! You know, ‘encouraging’ people to use airships so that they learn just how safe they really are!”

3. “Tiny mishap? TINY MISHAP?” screams Marcus Zoidberg, author of the controversial bestseller ‘Corporations Are Bad, Really Really Bad.’ “Hundreds of people dead, millions if not billions of ans in damage to buildings downtown, and these industry goons are trying to just shrug and tell the rest of us ‘Oopsie,’ and buy their way out of trouble?! They have a huge debt to the society they’ve harmed, make them work in the trauma centers and see first-hand what they’ve done!”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 91 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Two: 0
To support Three: 59 Union of Socialists and Communists
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 141 ✅ Conservative Future, Libertarians
Not Contents: 85 Union of Socialists and Communists
Non-voting: 45 Libertarians, and Right-Conservative

[Annivia]

Motion #87: Addressing issue Cash for Colons?

18 March 2023

Issue
Hospitals have requested that they be allowed to pay people for donating blood and other bodily organs, such as kidneys.

The Debate

1. “We remain critically short of blood plasma and various organs,” says Annivia One hospital administrator Stephanie Zukerburg. “Especially hearts. A good heart is hard to find. But if we were allowed to pay for donations, we’d get more of them and could save more lives. Plus the donor takes home a few hundred ans in compensation. Unless it’s a post-mortem donation, of course. In that case we’d pay the family.”

2. “Great idea,” says social commentator Bella Fils-Aimé. “Except for one thing. You know who’s going to be selling their organs? Poor people! They’ll be so desperate for money that they’ll sell their own kidneys. Well, a kidney. This is just another way for the rich to buy themselves a better life at the expense of the poor. It must be outlawed.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 38 Libertarians
To support Two: 100 ✅ Conservative Future, and Union of Socialists and Communists
To dismiss: 12 Liberals & Greens Alliance

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 124 ✅ Conservative Future, and Union of Socialists and Communists
Not Contents: 67 Libertarians, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 80 Conservative Future, and Union of Socialists and Communists

[Annivia]

Motion #88: Addressing issue Fraternity Furor

18 March 2023

Issue
After a drunken brawl between rival fraternities resulted in the deaths of five university students, concerned citizens across Annivia have questioned whether fraternities serve a purpose in modern society.

The Debate

1. “Dude! You can’t ban fraternities,” says Bruno Lane, member of Mu Alpha Xi, while crushing a beer can against his forehead. “Fraternities are like a brotherhood. They give us a sense of belonging. Sure, some of us may get a little out of hand, but we have a right to hang out with whoever we want. Don’t we have like, uh, freedom of assembly or something like that in Annivia?”

2. “Fraternities continue to be an embarrassment to Annivian universities,” muses your geeky nephew as he peeks his head over a quantum physics textbook. “Don’t forget that the same guys who shoved me into lockers in high school are the same ones being caught uttering awful chants and participating in hooliganism. College isn’t about getting drunk and partying. It’s about studying, working hard, and preparing yourself for the real world. Shutter the frat houses, so us students can study in peace and quiet.”

3. “Come now, old sport, you can’t listen to this poppycock,” scoffs grey-haired University of Annivia City alumnus Prathik Ruff, sporting a swordstick and a hat displaying the symbol of an alleged secret society. “Back in my day we didn’t have these problems with our fraternities. The problem is because you allow any Tom, Dick, and Harry into our fine organizations without the proper credentials. Fraternities used to be only for the wealthy and shall we say, better citizens. Go back to the old ways and I’m sure these scandals will disappear.”

4. “The problem isn’t fraternities. It is alcohol!” invokes Reverend Joylove. “Some of these young men are a part of my flock and are otherwise upstanding citizens of society. I’m sure that they would never have become involved in a violent fistfight if it weren’t for the alcohol polluting their bodies and souls. Instead of punishing the sinner, we must eradicate the sin. Alcohol is the devil’s nectar, and it poisons the mind! For the good of society, we must ban all alcohol in Annivia!”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 80 ✅ Conservative Future, Libertarians, and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 0
To support Three: 23 Conservative Future
To support Four: 47 Union of Socialists and Communists
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
The motion passed by unanimous consent.

[Annivia]

Motion #89: Addressing issue Size Matters

21 April 2023

Issue
Historically, the broad international consensus has always been to use the Maxcator Projection to depict the world on flat maps. The downside is that this projection makes Annivia look disproportionately small, as well as tucking it away on the edge of the map. After a recent TV drama made this a hot topic, disgruntled patriots are pressing you for a government stance on this.

The Debate

1. “An international standard is good for international trade and communication,” explains Michonne Suzuki, director of a bulk exporter specialising in beige sofas and magnolia paint. “We should therefore be encouraging standardisation. I urge you to endorse the Maxcator Projection as the official choice, bringing us in line with the reasonable majority of nations. This will show the world that we’re a nice, inoffensive, conformist nation - the sort of nation that they can do business with.”

2. “Annivia is at the centre of the world culturally and economically,” observes Annivian Geographic Society president Thaddeus Carey, tearing up a little as he salutes the flag. “Thus we should be at the centre of the map. Ban the Maxcator Projection in our schools and businesses, and have them use THIS map instead. I call it the Prime Minister View. A proud map, for a proud nation!”

3. “It’s totally true that changing maps changes perceptions, but you can’t get caught up in toxic patriotism,” argues walking cliché hippy environmentalist Bill Hopkins, as he braids beads into his hair and leans a guitar covered with painted flower patterns against your desk. “If you want people to see the world without political distortions or man-made borders, then you need globes. Send globes to every classroom in every school, and teach children that they are citizens of the planet. Dude, this isn’t a game of nation states; it’s a world commune of pan-humanity.”

4. “The world? The world that matters ends at our national borders!” proclaims a cigar-smoking man in the shadows. “You should be encouraging people to stay at home and to work for our nation, not to worry about foreign lands. You must only allow the publication of maps up to our national borders. In fact, stop our citizens leaving the country at all: if they never see the outside world, they won’t worry why others have things that they don’t.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 79 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Two: 12 Conservative Future
To support Three: 19 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Four: 0
To dismiss: 40 Union of Socialists and Communists

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 104 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 51 Union of Socialists and Communists
Non-voting: 116 All parties

[Annivia]

Motion #90: Addressing issue Extra Credit?

21 April 2023

Issue
A series of cases of mistaken identity from the credit bureau Expertfaux recently culminated in your young cousin receiving a deluge of petitions from aggrieved citizens. Frustrated Annivians, who are beginning to doubt their own names, have called the efficacy and necessity of modern credit bureaus into question.

The Debate

1. “These people have no credibility!” protests Fleur Cole, littering your desk with the shredded ruins of her credit report. “Incompetent credit bureaus’ background checks labeled Mr. Kasher as a criminal and Ms. Reid as deceased. Besides, any attempt to boil down my life into a single number will fall short of doing me justice. Credit bureaus need more oversight, so they can’t come between hardworking Annivians and the loans we need!”

2. “These were minor mishaps,” claims Ásmunda Xavier, a representative from Expertfaux, who appears to be addressing a government accountant instead of you. “Lenders, landlords, and even employers need our services to weed out undeserving clients. Imagine if companies didn’t know who in the blue they were lending to! Credit bureaus must be allowed to self-regulate without government interference. The future of our wallets depends on it!”

3. “Doing background checks one at a time is so inefficient,” muses the accountant in question, Dick Eliot. “Why not put credit regulation under government control, and research people’s financial history in advance? That way anybody can access our database at any time. I’m sure the police would love to have a record of major transactions and movements too.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 12 Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 91 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To support Three: 47 Union of Socialists and Communists
To dismiss: 0

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
The motion passed by unanimous consent.

[Annivia]

Motion #91: Addressing issue Siren Song

21 April 2023

Issue
During a severe weather outbreak yesterday, weather sirens raised the alarm about the incoming danger. However, that didn’t seem to concern residents, who had grown all too used to constant tests and malfunctions associated with the aging system. Following dozens of fatalities, a discussion has arisen regarding the best method to warn the public about approaching weather threats.

The Debate

1. “I’m tired of weathering weather sirens!” shouts storm survivor James Hendrikson, still wearing his soggy raincoat. “I’m in my house, glued to my phone, when I thought I heard a train. Turns out, it was no train; it was a twister coming straight at me! Sure, I heard the sirens, but they go off all the time! Instead of listening out for old sirens, we should get official weather alerts through our phones. I mean, people definitely won’t ignore their cell phones!”

2. “Well, not everyone has a cell phone, and what if its battery dies in the middle of a storm, what then?” questions Annivia Emergency Management spokesperson Moana Parke. “The biggest advantage to sirens is that we can assure that they will always work... as long as they aren’t old, malfunctioning, or whatever. It should be clear that a refit of the siren system is on the radar. All we need to do is update them to be more... attention-grabbing. I’m sure citizens won’t ignore weather sirens if we replace the wail with, say, a blood-curdling scream!”

3. “Why is it the government’s responsibility to warn us of incoming life or death situations?” rants well-known libertarian political speaker Tobias vonBismarck, failing to intervene as his infant picks up a nearby nail gun. “It’s the responsibility of the individual to ensure their own safety. We shouldn’t be wasting ans maintaining a faulty, hardly-used system. I say we let the old siren system die, save ourselves some money, and call it a day. If the average Annivian doesn’t have enough common sense to take caution when the weather gets bad, then I forecast that Annivia has a far bigger problem.”

The House of Commoners
To support One: 59 Union of Socialists and Communists, and Liberals & Greens Alliance
To support Two: 0
To support Three: 84 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
To dismiss: 7 Conservative Future

The House of Cardinals, on a motion to consent
Contents: 141 ✅ Conservative Future, and Libertarians
Not Contents: 130 Conservative Future, Union of Socialists and Communist, and Right-Conservative
Non-voting: 0