This is a complete rewrite from drafts one and two. The effect lines aren't the best either, so if anyone has any ideas, they're very welcome.
The Rarity Of Charity
Description: Over the last year, charities in @@NAME@@ have had a drastic decrease in the amount of money that has been donated to them. After thousands of poor @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ have ended up starving and cold, and the three-toed sloth @@ANIMAL@@ disappeared from 2 provinces, charity workers and good samaritans alike demand a solution.
Validity: Nations with No Cents policy, nations that don't use digital currency
Option 1: @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, a famous psychologist, starts speaking calmly. "If citizens of @@NAME@@ aren't giving enough, then that's an issue. A national campaign must be run, following my instructions of course, where @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ will feel connected to the people that they're giving to. In the campaign, we will tell the people where their money is going, and how that money will impact lives. I guarantee you, charity donations will skyrocket."
Effect Line: @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ need charity from giving to charity
Option 2: A charity volunteer, @@RANDOMNAME@@, flops down on your couch. "@@LEADER@@, charity workers are already overworked. We have to manage money and provide all the things and everything." He stretches into a yawn before continuing. "How about the government steps up on welfare? Government aid is more reliable than relying on the donations of people, anyway. Also, you could then choose where the money goes or whatever. Sure, taxes might need to be a lot higher. But at least no one is starving!"
Effect Line: It's accrual world for @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ wallets.
Option 3: "I've got the answer! After looking at historical donation data, the solution is obvious! Bring back the penny!", yells penny supporter and charity worker, @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, struggling to be heard over the voices of other people. "People with a few pennies to give gave millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to charity every month, and now that's gone. No one wants to give away higher value coins, and most people pass on giving nowadays. Reinstituting pennies will result in far more people donating. Pennies have to be brought back."
Effect Line: @@LEADER@@ donates pennies to charity
Option 4: "The poor are so gauche," sighs wealthy businessman and aristocrat William A. Snufflebottom, blowing his nose into an insanely expensive hankerchief. "Why don't we just stop helping them? Let them die. The bums aren't even helping me gain wea- the economy. Anything we give to them will be spent on alcohol, and they won't even work so they can keep on getting government money! We should stop all charity donations, and cut welfare too while we're at it."
Validity: has capitalism
Effect Line: the homeless are quickly becoming brainless