Lozho Domestic Newswire [CLOSED]

[Lozho]

Welcome to the official untitled Lozho Domestic Newswire! Here the football leagues from Lozho will be reported for all of you to read.

STRUCTURE:

The Lozhoan footballing pyramid consists of the Lozhoan First Division (LFD) and the Lozhoan Second Division (LSD). There are at the moment ten teams in LFD and twelve teams in the LSD. There is a simple promotion and relegation system in place, with the bottom two teams of the LFD being relegated and the champion of the LSD being promoted, with 2nd and 3rd battling it out in the playoffs for the remaining promotion slot.

There is also the Lozho Champions Cup, the knockout tournament that all teams participate in. Round one is between all of the LSD sides. The winners of this round progress to round two, where all of the LFD teams enter the competition and teams are drawn randomly against each other. After round two, it is it the quarterfinals, and then pretty straightforward from there.

HISTORY:

No history! Watch this space though.

OOC: My main nation is West Barack and East Obama. For RP reasons, WBO does not have organised football leagues, so I'll be posting these under Lozho. Obligatory don't post here unless you're me, my puppet, a mod, someone I allowed yadda yadda etc.

Credit for club badges goes to Ziwana

[Lozho]

Lozhoan First Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Catroza Town        0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
2nd    Foltcalfe Borough   0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
3rd    Ghezhan City        0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
4th    Gosport Pelicans    0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
5th    Holden City         0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
6th    Langhan Town        0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
7th    Morsholton Walkers  0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
8th    Protchen United     0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
9th    Shezhen Athletic    0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
10th   Shezhen United      0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Barzwich Town       0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
2nd    Drezhain Athletic   0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
3rd    Fezhan Town         0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
4th    Fort Drezhain City  0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
5th    Freiburger Tigers   0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
6th    Hutzland United     0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
7th    Kozhingham Town     0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
8th    Protchen Wanderers  0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
9th    Purple Lake Town    0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
10th   Vorxlia Rovers      0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
11th   Yestzongo Town      0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0
12th   Yuztville Rovers    0     0     0     0     0     0    0    0

[Lozho]

Protchen United Football Club



A Brief History of Protchen United

Established in 1952 by Lozho's Best Choo Choo Trains, Protchen United are one of the most successful Lozhoan football clubs of all times. Prior to the establishment of the current Lozhoan First Division, Protchen United had won 21 first division titles including the most recent one before the LFD's establishment.

Nicknamed 'The Railwaymen' due to the club's origins as a team of railway workers employed by Lozho's Best Choo Choo Trains, their runaway successes makes the team one of the most-supported in the country and perennial favourites for the title.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Pazron Finchley, 54
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Maz Zumfeld, 36

Pazron Finchley is an experienced coach, having managed teams such as Langhan Town and the Lozhoan U21s before being handed the reins at Protchen United last year. As a former player who spent 8 years as a centre-back, winning several trophies, Finchley will be sure to inspire his current crop of players to clinch yet another title for the team.

Stadium

Protchen United's home stadium is the Protchen Terminal, a massive stadium in Protchen suburb Serzia that seats over 67 thousand fans. The stadium is named after the Protchen Terminal, a famed train station nearby owned by Lozho's Best Choo Choo Trains which many travelling fans arrive at when coming to watch Protchen United play.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   31    Zhozh Kettleman
2     DF     LOZ   34    Reese Drazoon
4     DF     LOZ   23    Fazj Srejzjajk
5     GK     LOZ   37    Kieran Fezhan
6     DF     LOZ   26    Penny Butterfield
7     MF     LOZ   21    Zeth Cole
8     DF     LOZ   28    Triztan Cameron
9     FW     LOZ   31    Zed Zoan
10    FW     LOZ   27    Shinji Nakajima
12    MF     LOZ   27    Sophie Zoscar
13    FW     LOZ   32    Frank Jost
16    MF     LOZ   24    Prozo Mozolonia
20    MF     WBO   18    Jock Flubbubbazuppa
26    MF     LOZ   22    Barry Davis
29    DF     LOZ   31    Terry McPherson
36    FW     LOZ   18    Frezon Drezhen
37    DF     LOZ   31    Zhozh Kane
54    FW     LOZ   19    Henry Fonzarelli

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Langhan Town Football Club



A Brief History of Langhan Town

Established in 1997 by Langhan Chocolates, Langhan had been a pretty unremarkable team for most of its early history. That is, of course, until a then-unknown Gezald Ponzo took charge of the team and led the Chocolate City team to a shock league title twelve years before the Lozhoan First Division's establishment. Pipping heavy favourites Protchen United to the title on the final day, Langhan's win is described as one of the fairytale stories in Lozhoan football history. Ponzo and his coaching staff went on to coach the Lozhoan National Football team.

Langhan play in brown and white colours, in reference to the town's strong connections with Langhan Chocolates, the largest confectionary company in the country. Many of the diehard Langhan fans attend matches after long days at the factory and have developed a reputation for throwing chocolate orange wrappers at opposition fans when they start losing.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Tom Clarke, 42
Assistant Head Coach: WBO Lewis Obhiama, 53

Tom Clarke is a one-club man, having been at Langhan Town for most of his playing career and played a pivotal role in the club's title-winning season. Afterwards, he spent most of his time in coaching roles around the club before being appointed head coach. In his three-year tenure so far, Langhan have made good progress and are even poised to challenge for another title.

Stadium

Langhan Town's stadium is the Langhan Chocolates National Stadium, a thirty thousand-seater stadium. It is just a ten minute walk away from the famous Langhan Chocolates factory, with travelling fans frequently making quick detours to the factory gift shop before matches. Contrary to the stadium's name, Langhan Chocolates National Stadium has never been used as a stadium for any international matches.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   29    Matt Zohnzohn
2     DF     LOZ   25    Zatri Pezhen
4     DF     LOZ   27    Gezald Zimbo
5     MF     LOZ   31    Nathaniel Kristofferson
7     DF     LOZ   31    Zatri Mehzhuan
8     FW     LOZ   29    Hector Zoomfield
9     MF     LOZ   27    Pazron Droozle
11    FW     LOZ   24    Qazca Ferzhai
14    MF     LOZ   28    Rohan Zahoul
15    MF     LOZ   35    Zachary Xembolo
17    FW     LOZ   22    Zataza Zamfeld
18    MF     LOZ   29    Tim Rozhe
20    MF     LOZ   30    Francisco
22    MF     LOZ   21    Walter Klostermann
31    DF     LOZ   19    Latna Latkas
77    FW     PTT   18    Pablo Guiterrez
78    DF     LOZ   26    Zritri Zer Damme
99    GK     LOZ   19    Paul Zuvver

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Gosport Pelicans Football Club



A Brief History of Gosport Pelicans

Established in 1934, Gosport Pelicans are based in the relatively small coastal city of Gosport. The Pelicans are the only club in the Lozhoan First Division not to be backed by a major corporation, and are instead fan-owned. As a result, the team have not been financially well-off for most of its history and have often teetered in the brink of dissolution, but its passionate fans and players have kept it going and even led the team to several major honours, with the club being considered one of the more successful clubs in the country.

The Gosport Pelicans play in green and black colours, and have a mascot known as Pezhar the Pelican. The club does not have the biggest state-of-the-art stadium and training grounds, but the club's massive popularity with Gosport locals and other fans nearby has resulted in some of the best players in the nation coming through the youth academy of the club, with many of them playing for the Lozhoan National Football Team.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Russell Moore, 73
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Tzeo Drezhen, 62

Russell Moore is a veteran of the coaching game, starting his career in 1983. While he has mostly coached lower league teams in his career, recent successes such as by leading Foltcalfe Borough to the top tier has landed him a job with his boyhood club, the Gosport Pelicans. Time will tell if a manager like Moore could crack it in the top tier.

Stadium

The home ground for the Gosport Pelicans is the Soapy Dopey Records Stadium, referred to by the fans as the Pelican's Nest. The stadium seats just ten thousand people, and has been that way for decades. The stadium is old and rickety but the atmosphere is very electric, and any Lozhoan football fan must catch a game here at least once in their lifetime. Local record label Soapy Dopey Records acquired the naming rights to the stadium to support the club.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   31    Bonzo De Jong
2     DF     LOZ   25    Zakaria Zancho
3     DF     LOZ   26    Zorro Zakaria
5     MF     LOZ   29    Pete Warner
6     MF     LOZ   21    Yap Johansen
7     DF     LOZ   30    Gary Zeppelino
8     FW     LOZ   28    Rick Zapanda
9     MF     LOZ   27    Pazrick Zouzal
11    FW     LOZ   23    Zubair Zahoul
14    MF     LOZ   27    Zazhar Nicholson
16    FW     LOZ   33    Carla Zickleheimer
17    FW     LOZ   22    Fatrouza Smith
18    MF     LOZ   27    Zenda Robin
19    DF     LOZ   32    Steve Thomas
26    DF     LOZ   21    Cartzon Zohzo
31    FW     LOZ   20    Antonio Mehzhuan
36    DF     LOZ   25    Zaphod Zumfries
39    GK     LOZ   20    Altay Gundogan

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Morsholton Walkers Football Club



A Brief History of Morsholton Walkers

A phoenix club, Morsholton Walkers were founded in 2011 after Morsholton City Football Club folded due to massive debts in the same year. The former club had been rather successful in terms if trophy count, but poor performances on the pitch and financial mismanagement caused its end. Seeing an opportunity, seafood restaurant chain Morsholton's Freshest Prawns and Shrimps established a new team for the Walkers. Since then, the Walkers have climbed up the leagues to regain a place in the top division.

The Walkers play in red, black and yellow colours. The club's crest contains a polar bear, in reference to the urban legend of the 'Morsholton Bear'. Rival fans often decry the Morsholton Walkers for being a phoenix club and not accepting their fate, and many accusations of bribery and match fixing have been levied against the club's administration. Nevertheless, the Walkers look to be ready for another chance at success.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Kenneth Zorgo, 42
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Chris Rigby, 44

Lozhoan duo Kenneth Zorgo and Chris Rigby have been running Morsholton Wanderers since its foundation. They've masterminded the team's successes on the pitch with a very cautious counter-attacking style, and are certainly no pushover. As diehard Walkers supporters, the two will give it their all for this team.

Stadium

The home ground for the Morsholton Walkers is the New Walkers Arena, a stadium which seats over 20 thousand people. A very new stadium, it was built on the site of the old Walkers Arena, and will be used for the first time in the inaugural Lozhoan First Division season. With fancy seats and clean toilets, this is one everyone would love to go to.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   35    Ross Devonshire
2     DF     LOZ   26    Zulian Berzerkar
4     DF     LOZ   27    Alan Eztupi
5     MF     AVR   23    Chinwuebo Chinama
7     DF     LOZ   30    Frozone Drezhon
8     MF     LOZ   27    Hulk Zeffumbi
9     MF     LOZ   27    Andrea Fezhai
10    FW     LOZ   24    Mack Prezhehn
14    MF     LOZ   28    Zhozh Blake-Zimbo
16    FW     LOZ   32    Albert Fezhai
17    FW     LOZ   22    Fred Zaphod
18    MF     LOZ   28    Tom Jones
19    DF     LOZ   31    Patrick Zingleheimer
22    MF     LOZ   26    Erin Green
26    DF     LOZ   23    Kwame Addo
31    GK     LOZ   27    Gordon Obamahama
36    DF     LOZ   24    Rick Zipfild
39    MF     LOZ   18    Andrezh Lo Celso

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Holden City Football Club



A Brief History of Holden City

Holden City are a pretty unremarkable club. Usually lingering around midtable, the club do hold the rather impressive distinction of never being relegated from any division since its formation in 1970. The club has won a cup or two but never a league title, has produced a household name or two but not enough to win a title. In spite of all this mediocrity, 'The Pandas' are hoping to one day finally complete the final step and clinch their coveted league title.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Lucia Frappozo, 41
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Mark Frappozo, 41

Twin siblings Mark and Lucia Frappozo are the head coaches of Holden City. After plying their trade with Fezhan Town for a number of years, bringing the minnows up to the second division of Lozhoan football from the lower leagues, the duo made the jump to Holden City. With an exciting brand of attacking football, Holden City fans will be hoping this is the final puzzle piece needed for title success.

Stadium

Holden City's home ground is the Holden Ground, a stadium that can seat 20 thousand people. Holden Ground has also been named the 'Pub Capital of Football', as there is a bar on every corner of the stadium: The Panda's Head, The Panda's Arms, The Panda's Tail and The Panda's Arse. However, most of the pubgoers are travelling fans instead of Holden City fans, who prefer mineral water and wine gums instead of Vodka Sozhas before matches.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   24    Kezan Bongzeimer
3     DF     LOZ   26    Zhozh Michael
4     DF     LOZ   32    Larzy Zuckerberg
5     MF     LOZ   23    Mack Oppenheimer
7     DF     SNL   17    Camille Klein
8     MF     LOZ   30    Doo-Doo Sleezarpippo
9     MF     LOZ   24    Herezoikaokaza Forrozonich
10    FW     LOZ   29    Jason Zingleheimer
12    MF     LOZ   25    Jeremy Holden
16    FW     LOZ   32    Ziaran Zipburgern 
17    FW     LOZ   18    Atticus Polonium
18    MF     LOZ   28    Zue Kettleman
19    DF     LOZ   31    Karl Zoomfield
24    MF     LOZ   26    Bradford Montzomery
26    DF     LOZ   25    Carlos Huzzah
28    GK     LOZ   38    Wig Ericsson
32    DF     LOZ   24    Joe Fiver
50    FW     SNL   17    Shivay Debnath

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Ghezhan City Football Club



A Brief History of Ghezhan City

Ghezhan City is where it all started - after a group of factory workers at Ghezhan Pens and Paper Inc. decided to kick a leftover bottle of Sozha Soda around in an improvisation of football, the bosses of the company were so impressed that they decided to establish the first football club in Lozho, Ghezhan Pens and Paper FC, in 1912. The club was later renamed to Ghezhan City FC. The club is the oldest in the nation and one of the most grand.

Nicknamed 'The Paperweights' due to the origins of the club, Ghezhan City have also been early heavyweights, winning many titles in the early days. Eventually, the club's performances dropped and languished between the second and third tiers for a while, until a recent resurgence brought the team back into the top division. With the fans more passionate than ever to see their team thrive, expect Ghezhan City to teach you to respect elders.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: QUE Yeong-Rim de Monogahela, 33
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Priscilla Bosworth, 39

Formerly a star defensive midfielder for Quebecois giants Mipojoseon, Yeong-Rim de Monogahela is a young and hungry manager looking to make it big with a management gig in Lozho. Aided by Ghezhan City fan favourite Priscilla Bosworth, be sure to keep an eye out for this exciting duo as they look set to cause upsets this season.

Stadium

The home ground for Ghezhan City is Ghezhan SuperPark, a 72000-seater stadium and the largest in the nation. The designated national stadium of the country, Ghezhan SuperPark has been around for decades and is still loved by all. Recent renovations in preparation for the President's Birthday Cup (Presented by Lozho's Premium Huts and Shacks Inc.) will make it an even more exciting destination for great football.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   22    Faj Zhaozhamhra
2     DF     LOZ   26    Kamil Zukowski
4     DF     LOZ   32    Drew Zaratrianias
5     MF     LOZ   22    Protchen McGuinness
7     DF     LOZ   30    Wout McNulty
8     MF     LOZ   27    Zermaine Zumfeld
9     FW     QUE   28    Regina Vandenberg
10    FW     LOZ   29    Paxton Obamovich
12    MF     LOZ   28    Zack Xanquillo
16    FW     LOZ   32    Kirsten Dunzwope
18    MF     LOZ   28    Roman McQueen
19    DF     LOZ   31    Rohan Drezhen
22    FW     LOZ   22    Denzel Chazelle
24    MF     LOZ   26    Razoul Zafouli
26    DF     LOZ   23    Rhiann Dinglezap
28    GK     LOZ   30    Hup Dup
32    DF     LOZ   24    Christina Jeffries
46    FW     LOZ   18    Brozo Benzenivich

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Foltcalfe Borough Football Club



A Brief History of Foltcalfe Borough

Founded in 1962 by Lozho's Strongest Steel Corporation, Foltcalfe Borough have been a club that traditionally languished in the lower divisions. Around the 1990s, the club became a 'yo-yo' club, frequently being promoted and relegated between divisions. Nicknamed 'The Steelers', Foltcalfe have a relatively large fanbase amongst the working class steelworkers.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Joss Bettinelli, 62
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Marcus Zeppelino, 36

Survival specialist Joss Bettinelli will take the reins of Foltcalfe Borough for the third successive season, with his 'anti-football' style not winning many plaudits but does win some games. His emphasis on winning aerial duels makes his squads usually the tallest in their division.

Stadium

The home ground for Foltcalfe Borough is the Goran Zukowski Stadium, named after club legend Goran Zukowski who spent his entire career with the team. It seats 23 thousand people and has great acoustics, which makes it a paradise for vuvuzela-wielding fans.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
2     GK     LOZ   28    Glenn Exmouth
3     DF     LOZ   27    Zander Zinchillo
4     DF     LOZ   33    Lenny Lazka-Zunschweiger
5     MF     LOZ   24    Gabriel Bungzimmer
7     DF     LOZ   31    Duncan Foltmough
8     MF     LOZ   28    Pasza Nezzlem
9     FW     LOZ   29    Moz Zuckerberg
10    FW     LOZ   30    Zemnaya Fezhan
12    MF     LOZ   28    Gezald Drezhen
16    FW     LOZ   32    Fiat Blinkem
17    FW     LOZ   23    Paul Zalnot
18    MF     LOZ   29    Pit Cavazaele
19    DF     LOZ   30    Emilia Roberts
24    MF     LOZ   28    Zivvia Morzonvillakic
26    DF     LOZ   25    Hinta Franzino
28    GK     LOZ   28    Zhozh Jefferson
32    DF     LOZ   26    Zip Sihllo
50    FW     LOZ   19    Watsa Jermeulen

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Shezhen Athletic Football Club



A Brief History of Shezhen Athletic

Shezhen Athletic were founded in 1950 when local Shezhen teams Rozzela Athletic and Zelchester Athletic merged. Being the largest team in Shezhen, Lozho's second largest city, the team has had successes in its long history, mostly in the 1980s when the club had its 'golden generation' of youth players coming through.

The team's mascot is Tuppence the Tiger, and the team are nicknamed 'The Tigers'. Many diehard fans of Shezhen Athletic formed splinter club Shezhen United in 1999 after Lozho's Tiger Poachers and Hunters Corp. bought out the club, with many decrying the company's covering up of illegal tiger poaching. In spite of this, Shezhen Athletic continues to have a large following in Shezhen and around the country

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Brett Zimberg, 41
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Jaxueline Plattenhardt, 30

Brett Zimberg was formerly a PE teacher in a Shezhen high school, until his teams became so good he had to encourage them to stop scoring too many goals and humiliating opposition. His ability to work with young players and motivational skills makes him an ideal manager of Shezhen Athletic's relatively young squad, and he's the man to harness their great potential as a team.

Stadium

The home ground for Shezhen Athletic is the Tiger's Den, a stadium which seats forty thousand people. The stadium is considered a national eyesore, due to being painted in bright orange in reference to the club's colours. Many have petitioned to demolish the stadium or at least repaint it but the club's owners have refused, usually resulting in many jumping ship to support Shezhen United.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   31    Bertrand Kettleman
3     DF     LOZ   25    Jack Grego-Richardson
4     DF     LOZ   31    Alberto Fiezan
5     FW     LOZ   21    Xap Fonzarelli
7     DF     LOZ   27    Kiezan Drezhen
8     MF     LOZ   19    Zhozh Joonfield
9     FW     LOZ   28    Mattiaz Crickport
10    FW     LOZ   24    Ewan Joyce
12    MF     LOZ   27    Bogdan Sutherland
16    FW     LOZ   30    Zuh Hupple
17    FW     LOZ   23    Bellizose Dumfries
18    MF     LOZ   26    Marc Benson
19    DF     LOZ   26    Carl Zung
24    MF     LOZ   29    Henry Blyth
26    DF     LOZ   25    Romulus
28    GK     LOZ   20    Theodore Vootlimmer
32    DF     LOZ   26    Parat Qazeili
50    FW     LOZ   19    Ghem Zahoul

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Catroza Town Football Club



A Brief History of Catroza Town

Catroza Town were founded in 2005, as the 'new city' of Catroza in West Lozho was recently founded as well. The club was purchased by Sozha Soda and rebranded to fit their aesthetic - and the soda cash has made the team one of the richest in the division in spite of the small size of Catroza itself. The team plays in red and white colours. The team has won a few domestic cups but are still searching for their first top division title.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: SYL Light Bulb
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Pingie Deezleberg, 31

Former coach of Sylestonean team Kitchen Sink FC, the sentient light bulb known as Light Bulb is full of bright ideas. It led the team to a Toilet League title three seasons ago, one of the greatest honours a Sylestonean team can attain. Whilst recent downturn in fortunes led to its sacking and Kitchen Sink FC threatened with relegation, Catroza fans will be hoping this sentient's magic could be just the puzzle piece needed to bring the team its first title.

Stadium

The home ground for Catroza Town is The Catroza Stadium, which seats thirty thousand people. The stadium also doubles as an athletics stadium, and thus the stands are notoriously far away from the pitch with a running track cutting through, prompting many nearby shops to sell spyglasses and binoculars to fans attending games. Some people even prefer the orange eyesore in Shezhen over this, and that's saying something.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     QUE   30    Anatoli Kovalenko
3     DF     LOZ   25    Zoufal Cerezaki
4     DF     LOZ   26    Zadim Ferzhai
5     FW     LOZ   23    Zingo Maamria
6     DF     SYL   23    Angelina Mulgrave
7     MF     LOZ   24    Harron Stanisic
9     FW     LOZ   28    Chill Zane 
10    FW     LOZ   24    Suze Zaphodus
12    MF     LOZ   27    Lemmy Hindenberg
13    DF     LOZ   30    Wock Straza
15    FW     LOZ   23    Keith Drezhen
16    MF     LOZ   26    Zhozh Diezel-Zoop
17    GK     LOZ   26    Zhuang Xeca
19    MF     LOZ   29    Nos Fiiveir
21    DF     LOZ   25    Joao Obamra
23    FW     LOZ   20    Chez Blanchard
27    DF     LOZ   25    Oz Baincroft
31    FW     LOZ   20    Matt Jose

Starting XI

[Lozho]

Shezhen United Football Club



A Brief History of Shezhen United

This splinter club of established Lozhoan side Shezhen United was formed in 1999 after Lozho's Tiger Poachers and Hunters Corp. bought out the club. Many who decried the company's covering up of illegal tiger poaching started supporting this one. Shezhen United has spent most of its history in the lower leagues, but in recent times have risen up to the First Division due to funding from Lozho Sleepytimes Bedding and Pillows Corporation founder Bill Pooper. The club are nicknamed 'The White Tigers' in juxtaposition to Shezhen Athletic's nickname, 'The Tigers', and play in mostly white colours.

Coaching Team

Head Coach: LOZ Nick Pooper, 36
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Oszalzd Drezhen, 34

Son of Shezhen United chairman Bill Pooper, Nick Pooper has been a coach at the club for many years due to the Pooper's long history of supporting this club. As his coaching certifications were bankrolled by his father, Nick Pooper is one of the most qualified managers on paper, but his practical experience is lacking due to this being his first management gig so this will be interesting times for Shezhen United. Assisting him is Lozho football legend Oszalzd Drezhen, who recently retired from playing football.

Stadium

The home ground for Shezhen United is the White Tiger's Laid, a stadium which seats 26 thousand people. Constructed just three hundred metres away from The Tiger's den, the immediate surroundings of the White Tiger's Lair are considered one of the most dangerous and rough places in Lozho, with many robberies and fan riots taking place. Be careful when attending games around here.

Current Squad

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   28    Zhozh Watkins
3     DF     LOZ   27    Gerard Finger
4     DF     LOZ   32    Harris Flubbubbazuppa
5     FW     LOZ   23    Pinko Zexair
6     DF     LOZ   27    Olivier Szalai
7     MF     LOZ   22    William Paulo
9     FW     LOZ   28    Zack Dekker
10    FW     LOZ   24    Poza Ziezhan
12    MF     LOZ   27    Jimmiel Zhongqiang
13    GK     LOZ   30    Qevin Yatzl
15    FW     LOZ   23    Florence Buckinghamshire
16    MF     LOZ   26    Neal Zahouli
17    DF     LOZ   26    Darzn Nohei
19    MF     LOZ   29    Zang Jezhan
21    DF     LOZ   25    Sebastian Jidbud
23    FW     LOZ   20    Yap Fonzarelli
27    DF     LOZ   25    Simon Rutabaga
31    FW     LOZ   19    Garett Northfence

Starting XI

[Lozho]

THE SHEZHEN SENTINEL

LFD Season One Preview

It is an exciting time for Lozhoan football fans, as the inaugural Lozhoan First Division kicks off this weekend when Shezhen Athletic and Langhan Town play each other at The Tiger's Den. Right before the season starts, us at the Sentinel are announcing our predictions for this season.

1st Place: Protchen United

Who else? Protchen United are the reigning champions of Lozho and are certainly one of the strongest teams in the division. From Zed Zoan to Fazj Srejzjajk, this crop of Railwaymen is only getting stronger with time and it will be no surprise to anyone if they run away with the title this season. West Barack and East Obama youth international Jock Flubbubbazuppa will be the one to watch out for this season, with the youngster already playing a pivotal role as a playmaker in this stacked squad and has the potential to become one of the greats.

2nd Place: Catroza Town

Catroza Town have been spending big, bringing in high-profile names such as Light Bulb and Anatoli Kovalenko into the fold. Catroza have been on the up in recent years and certainly have the high profile names to bring them to the top of the table. Even with this wealth of talent in this squad, expect Lozhoan international winger Chill Zane to stand out the most, whose dribbling and crossing skills winning many matches for Catroza.

3rd Place: Gosport Pelicans

Boyhood Pelicans fan Russell Moore will be at the helm of this team for the upcoming season, and they will certainly be a threat. Dangerous on the counter and via set pieces, this team will strike when you least expect it. Of this all-Lozhoan squad, homegrown attacking duo Fatrouza Smith and Cartzon Zohzo are pacey down the flanks and will cause a lot of trouble for your defence.

4th Place: Ghezhan City

As the home of Lozhoan football, it's comeback season for Ghezhan City. With Quebecois manager Yeong-Rim de Monogahela in charge, it will be interesting to see if foreign tactics can finally deliver the Paperweights their first title in ages, and their current squad looks promising enough for a top-half finish. Lozhoan striker Paxton Obamovich is dangerous in the air and is important part of the team, so be aware of him and his strike partner Denzel Chazelle.

5th Place: Langhan Town

The Chocolates may have droozle master Pazron Droozle, considered one of the best players in the league, but the rest of the team are rather mediocre. They could spring a surprise if you're not careful however, as they have proven on many occasions, so don't write them off too quickly.

6th Place: Shezhen Athletic

Shezhen Athletic's side look promising, but will likely linger around midtable as usual. Star midfielder and captain Henry Blyth will likely make the difference in most matches, with his set-piece taking and playmaking unparalleled.

7th Place: Morsholton Walkers

The Walkers, still under the leadership of Zorgo and Rigby, will likely avoid relegation from the top division even with their rather limited budget. Avoragan international midfielder Chinwuebo Chinama is an exciting addition to the squad who may be very useful in their upcoming games.

8th Place: Holden City

Even with Lozhoan international midfielder Herezoikaokaza Forrozonich and a pair of South Newlandian teenage prospects, Holden City are not favoured to finish in the upper echelons of the table this season. Relegation even lingers over their heads after selling key players such as Terry McPherson and Shinji Nakajima, but their new managers the Frappozos will probably navigate them away from any challenges.

9th Place: Shezhen United

Even with funding from pillow baron Bill Pooper, Shezhen United are one of the weakest teams in the first division. DOn;t be surprised when this splinter club finishes well below its rivals Shezhen United come the end of the season. However, motivation from the legendary Oszalzd Drezhen and Olivier Szalai's defensive capabilities on the right flank could help them stay up for another season.

10th Place: Foltcalfe Borough

Foltcalfe Borough are the prime candidates for relegation from the first division this season. Having only been recently promoted last season, the team may not be strong enough to hold their own even with Joss "Magic Man" Bettinelli at the helm. However, star centre-back and club icon Duncan Foltmough may provide the defensive stability the Steelers need to survive a gruelling upcoming season.

Protchen United

Head Coach: LOZ Pazron Finchley, 54
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Maz Zumfeld, 36

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   31    Zhozh Kettleman
2     DF     LOZ   34    Reese Drazoon
4     DF     LOZ   23    Fazj Srejzjajk
5     GK     LOZ   37    Kieran Fezhan
6     DF     LOZ   26    Penny Butterfield
7     MF     LOZ   21    Zeth Cole
8     DF     LOZ   28    Triztan Cameron
9     FW     LOZ   31    Zed Zoan
10    FW     LOZ   27    Shinji Nakajima
12    MF     LOZ   27    Sophie Zoscar
13    FW     LOZ   32    Frank Jost
16    MF     LOZ   24    Prozo Mozolonia
20    MF     WBO   18    Jock Flubbubbazuppa
26    MF     LOZ   22    Barry Davis
29    DF     LOZ   31    Terry McPherson
36    FW     LOZ   18    Frezon Drezhen
37    DF     LOZ   31    Zhozh Kane
54    FW     LOZ   19    Henry Fonzarelli

Langhan Town

Head Coach: LOZ Tom Clarke, 42
Assistant Head Coach: WBO Lewis Obhiama, 53

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   29    Matt Zohnzohn
2     DF     LOZ   25    Zatri Pezhen
4     DF     LOZ   27    Gezald Zimbo
5     MF     LOZ   31    Nathaniel Kristofferson
7     DF     LOZ   31    Zatri Mehzhuan
8     FW     LOZ   29    Hector Zoomfield
9     MF     LOZ   27    Pazron Droozle
11    FW     LOZ   24    Qazca Ferzhai
14    MF     LOZ   28    Rohan Zahoul
15    MF     LOZ   35    Zachary Xembolo
17    FW     LOZ   22    Zataza Zamfeld
18    MF     LOZ   29    Tim Rozhe
20    MF     LOZ   30    Francisco
22    MF     LOZ   21    Walter Klostermann
31    DF     LOZ   19    Latna Latkas
77    FW     PTT   18    Pablo Guiterrez
78    DF     LOZ   26    Zritri Zer Damme
99    GK     LOZ   19    Paul Zuvver

Gosport Pelicans

Head Coach: LOZ Russell Moore, 73
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Tzeo Drezhen, 62

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   31    Bonzo De Jong
2     DF     LOZ   25    Zakaria Zancho
3     DF     LOZ   26    Zorro Zakaria
5     MF     LOZ   29    Pete Warner
6     MF     LOZ   21    Yap Johansen
7     DF     LOZ   30    Gary Zeppelino
8     FW     LOZ   28    Rick Zapanda
9     MF     LOZ   27    Pazrick Zouzal
11    FW     LOZ   23    Zubair Zahoul
14    MF     LOZ   27    Zazhar Nicholson
16    FW     LOZ   33    Carla Zickleheimer
17    FW     LOZ   22    Fatrouza Smith
18    MF     LOZ   27    Zenda Robin
19    DF     LOZ   32    Steve Thomas
26    DF     LOZ   21    Cartzon Zohzo
31    FW     LOZ   20    Antonio Mehzhuan
36    DF     LOZ   25    Zaphod Zumfries
39    GK     LOZ   20    Altay Gundogan

Morsholton Walkers

Head Coach: LOZ Kenneth Zorgo, 42
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Chris Rigby, 44

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   35    Ross Devonshire
2     DF     LOZ   26    Zulian Berzerkar
4     DF     LOZ   27    Alan Eztupi
5     MF     AVR   23    Chinwuebo Chinama
7     DF     LOZ   30    Frozone Drezhon
8     MF     LOZ   27    Hulk Zeffumbi
9     MF     LOZ   27    Andrea Fezhai
10    FW     LOZ   24    Mack Prezhehn
14    MF     LOZ   28    Zhozh Blake-Zimbo
16    FW     LOZ   32    Albert Fezhai
17    FW     LOZ   22    Fred Zaphod
18    MF     LOZ   28    Tom Jones
19    DF     LOZ   31    Patrick Zingleheimer
22    MF     LOZ   26    Erin Green
26    DF     LOZ   23    Kwame Addo
31    GK     LOZ   27    Gordon Obamahama
36    DF     LOZ   24    Rick Zipfild
39    MF     LOZ   18    Andrezh Lo Celso

Holden City

Head Coach: LOZ Lucia Frappozo, 41
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Mark Frappozo, 41

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   24    Kezan Bongzeimer
3     DF     LOZ   26    Zhozh Michael
4     DF     LOZ   32    Larzy Zuckerberg
5     MF     LOZ   23    Mack Oppenheimer
7     DF     SNL   17    Camille Klein
8     MF     LOZ   30    Doo-Doo Sleezarpippo
9     MF     LOZ   24    Herezoikaokaza Forrozonich
10    FW     LOZ   29    Jason Zingleheimer
12    MF     LOZ   25    Jeremy Holden
16    FW     LOZ   32    Ziaran Zipburgern 
17    FW     LOZ   18    Atticus Polonium
18    MF     LOZ   28    Zue Kettleman
19    DF     LOZ   31    Karl Zoomfield
24    MF     LOZ   26    Bradford Montzomery
26    DF     LOZ   25    Carlos Huzzah
28    GK     LOZ   38    Wig Ericsson
32    DF     LOZ   24    Joe Fiver
50    FW     SNL   17    Shivay Debnath

Ghezhan City

Head Coach: QUE Yeong-Rim de Monogahela, 33
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Priscilla Bosworth, 39

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   22    Faj Zhaozhamhra
2     DF     LOZ   26    Kamil Zukowski
4     DF     LOZ   32    Drew Zatrianias
5     MF     LOZ   22    Protchen McGuinness
7     DF     LOZ   30    Wout McNulty
8     MF     LOZ   27    Zermaine Zumfeld
9     FW     QUE   28    Regina Vandenberg
10    FW     LOZ   29    Paxton Obamovich
12    MF     LOZ   28    Zack Xanquillo
16    FW     LOZ   32    Kirsten Dunzwope
18    MF     LOZ   28    Roman McQueen
19    DF     LOZ   31    Rohan Drezhen
22    FW     LOZ   22    Denzel Chazelle
24    MF     LOZ   26    Razoul Zafouli
26    DF     LOZ   23    Rhiann Dinglezap
28    GK     LOZ   30    Hup Dup
32    DF     LOZ   24    Christina Jeffries
46    FW     LOZ   18    Brozo Benzenivich

Foltcalfe Borough

Head Coach: LOZ Joss Bettinelli, 62
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Marcus Zeppelino, 36

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
2     GK     LOZ   28    Glenn Exmouth
3     DF     LOZ   27    Zander Zinchillo
4     DF     LOZ   33    Lenny Lazka-Zunschweiger
5     MF     LOZ   24    Gabriel Bungzimmer
7     DF     LOZ   31    Duncan Foltmough
8     MF     LOZ   28    Pasza Nezzlem
9     FW     LOZ   29    Moz Zuckerberg
10    FW     LOZ   30    Zemnaya Fezhan
12    MF     LOZ   28    Gezald Drezhen
16    FW     LOZ   32    Fiat Blinkem
17    FW     LOZ   23    Paul Zalnot
18    MF     LOZ   29    Pit Cavazaele
19    DF     LOZ   30    Emilia Roberts
24    MF     LOZ   28    Zivvia Morzonvillakic
26    DF     LOZ   25    Hinta Franzino
28    GK     LOZ   28    Zhozh Jefferson
32    DF     LOZ   26    Zip Sihllo
50    FW     LOZ   19    Watsa Jermeulen

Shezhen Athletic

Head Coach: LOZ Brett Zimberg, 41
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Jaxueline Plattenhardt, 30

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   31    Bertrand Kettleman
3     DF     LOZ   25    Jack Grego-Richardson
4     DF     LOZ   31    Alberto Fiezan
5     FW     LOZ   21    Xap Fonzarelli
7     DF     LOZ   27    Kiezan Drezhen
8     MF     LOZ   19    Zhozh Joonfield
9     FW     LOZ   28    Mattiaz Crickport
10    FW     LOZ   24    Ewan Joyce
12    MF     LOZ   27    Bogdan Sutherland
16    FW     LOZ   30    Zuh Hupple
17    FW     LOZ   23    Bellizose Dumfries
18    MF     LOZ   26    Marc Benson
19    DF     LOZ   26    Carl Zung
24    MF     LOZ   29    Henry Blyth
26    DF     LOZ   25    Romulus
28    GK     LOZ   20    Theodore Vootlimmer
32    DF     LOZ   26    Parat Qazeili
50    FW     LOZ   19    Ghem Zahoul

Catroza Town

Head Coach: SYL Light Bulb
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Pingie Deezleberg, 31

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     QUE   30    Anatoli Kovalenko
3     DF     LOZ   25    Zoufal Cerezaki
4     DF     LOZ   26    Zadim Ferzhai
5     FW     LOZ   23    Zingo Maamria
6     DF     SYL   23    Angelina Mulgrave
7     MF     LOZ   24    Harron Stanisic
9     FW     LOZ   28    Chill Zane 
10    FW     LOZ   24    Suze Zaphodus
12    MF     LOZ   27    Lemmy Hindenberg
13    DF     LOZ   30    Wock Straza
15    FW     LOZ   23    Keith Drezhen
16    MF     LOZ   26    Zhozh Diezel-Zoop
17    GK     LOZ   26    Zhuang Xeca
19    MF     LOZ   29    Nos Fiiveir
21    DF     LOZ   25    Joao Obamra
23    FW     LOZ   20    Chez Blanchard
27    DF     LOZ   25    Oz Baincroft
31    FW     LOZ   20    Matt Jose

Shezhen United

Head Coach: LOZ Nick Pooper, 36
Assistant Head Coach: LOZ Oszalzd Drezhen, 34

No.   Pos.  Nation   Age   Name
1     GK     LOZ   28    Zhozh Watkins
3     DF     LOZ   27    Gerard Finger
4     DF     LOZ   32    Harris Flubbubbazuppa
5     FW     LOZ   23    Pinko Zexair
6     DF     LOZ   27    Olivier Szalai
7     MF     LOZ   22    William Paulo
9     FW     LOZ   28    Zack Dekker
10    FW     LOZ   24    Poza Ziezhan
12    MF     LOZ   27    Jimmiel Zhongqiang
13    GK     LOZ   30    Qevin Yatzl
15    FW     LOZ   23    Florence Buckinghamshire
16    MF     LOZ   26    Neal Zahouli
17    DF     LOZ   26    Darzn Nohei
19    MF     LOZ   29    Zang Jezhan
21    DF     LOZ   25    Sebastian Jidbud
23    FW     LOZ   20    Yap Fonzarelli
27    DF     LOZ   25    Simon Rutabaga
31    FW     LOZ   19    Garett Northfence

[Lozho]

MATCHDAY ONE

LOZHOAN FIRST DIVISION

Shezhen Athletic 2-1 Langhan Town

Crickport 6'
Sutherland 24'

Mehzhuan 64'

Ghezhan City 4-1 Holden City

Vandenberg 31', 45+1'
Obamovich 44', 82'

Debnath 88'

Protchen United 1-2 Morsholton Walkers

Nakajima 27'

Jones 35', 67'

Foltcalfe Borough 1-2 Catroza Town

Jermuelen 73'

Stanisic 18', 76'

Shezhen United 2-2 Gosport Pelicans

Zexair 46'
Buckinghamshire 88'

Smith 13', 16'

LOZHOAN SECOND DIVISION

Barzwich Town 0-2 Hutzland United
Drezhain Athletic 3-2 Vorxlia Rovers
Fezhan Town 1-0 Freiburger Tigers
Fort Drezhain City 1-1 Kozhingham Town
Purple Lake Town 3-3 Protchen Wanderers
Yestzongo Town 2-4 Yuztville Rovers

Lozhoan First Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Ghezhan City        1     1     0     0     4     1    +3   3
2nd    Catroza Town        1     1     0     0     2     1    +1   3
2nd    Morsholton Walkers  1     1     0     0     2     1    +1   3
2nd    Shezhen Athletic    1     1     0     0     2     1    +1   3
5th    Gosport Pelicans    1     0     1     0     2     2    0    1
5th    Shezhen United      1     0     1     0     2     2    0    1
7th    Foltcalfe Borough   1     0     0     1     1     2    -1   0
7th    Langhan Town        1     0     0     1     1     2    -1   0
7th    Protchen United     1     0     0     1     1     2    -1   0
10th   Holden City         1     0     0     1     1     4    -3   0

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Yuztville Rovers    1     1     0     0     4     2    +2   3
2nd    Hutzland United     1     1     0     0     2     0    +2   3
3rd    Drezhain Athletic   1     1     0     0     3     2    +1   3
4th    Fezhan Town         1     1     0     0     1     0    +1   3
5th    Protchen Wanderers  1     0     1     0     3     3    0    1
5th    Purple Lake Town    1     0     1     0     3     3    0    1
7th    Fort Drezhain City  1     0     1     0     1     1    0    1
7th    Kozhingham Town     1     0     1     0     1     1    0    1
9th    Vorxlia Rovers      1     0     0     1     2     3    -1   0
10th   Freiburger Tigers   1     0     0     1     0     1    -1   0
11th   Yestzongo Town      1     0     0     1     2     4    -2   0
12th   Barzwich Town       1     0     0     1     0     2    -2   0

Protchen United Stunned At Home Against Morsholton Walkers

Sponsored by IBEA

Serzia, Lozho - Top ranked team and heavy favourites Protchen United went into their season opener against relative minnows Morsholton Walkers expecting a walkover, only to face their first home defeat in a year courtesy of a brace from Morsholton winger Tom Jones.

Title-winning manager Pazron Finchley played a strong lineup, consisting of Lozhoan international footballers such as Penny Butterfield and Zed Zoan. The Walkers also fielded a strong team, but it was surely no match for the strength and experience that the Railwaymen had. Additionally, a full house of tens of thousands of Protchen United fans at Protchen Terminal eager to watch the first league match in ages gave the favourites a huge home advantage.

The game kicked off with a couple of good chances for the Railwaymen, with Zed Zoan and Frank Jost causing trouble down the wings. In the 26nd minute, a clumsy tackle by Rick Zipfild gave away a free kick to Protchen United. Zed Zoan whipped the ball into the box where it was headed home by striker Shinji Nakajima, giving the Railwaymen a 1-0 lead. After that goal however, the home side became unfocused and sloppy. A mistimed attempt at a pass from Prozo Mozolonia led to Morsholton winger Tom Jones intercepting the ball. Jones dribbled past Butterfield before striking the ball into the top right corner, levelling the scores in the 35th minute. Afterwards, play mostly slowed down until half time arrived.

After the break, a resurgent Walkers began banging the door of the Railwaymen. An oddly lethargic Protchen United defence were slow in speed and reaction time, which gave Morsholton all the opportunities they needed to grab a second goal. In the 67th minute, Triztan Cameron attempted to hoof the ball up the pitch but it instead fell to the feet of Jones once again, who volleyed it past a hapless Zhozh Kettleman to give the Walkers a 2-1 lead. Protchen substitutes such as Henry Fonzarelli and Sophie Zoscar tried to inject some life into the team by making a couple of attempts on goal, but all were saved by veteran goalkeeper Ross Devonshire. The final whistle eventually blew and the Morsholton Walkers had captured an unexpected yet deserved victory over Protchen United, who now lie in joint second-last place after the first matchday.

Next week, Protchen United will travel to Foltcalfe in a must-win game against the Borough, whilst Morsholton Walkers will battle it out against league leaders Ghezhan City at the New Walkers Arena.

OTHER HEADLINES

Vandenberg Dream Debut as Paperweights Run Riot in 4-1 Victory over Pandas

Controversial VAR Decisions Prevents Kozhingham Town Victory over Fort Drezhain City

Man Saves Cat From Tree, Promptly Sells It For LZ500

[Lozho]

MATCHDAY TWO

LOZHOAN FIRST DIVISION

Foltcalfe Borough 2-2 Protchen United

Fezhan 24'
Bungzimmer 33'

Jost 12', 39'

Morsholton Walkers 0-1 Ghezhan City

Obamovich 42'

Holden City 4-3 Shezhen United

Fiver 2'
Zipburgern 74'
Polonium 83'
Montzomery 90+3'

Zexair 36'
Fiver (o.g.) 45+2'
Northfence 88'

Langhan Town 1-0 Catroza Town

Zoomfield (pen.) 70'

Gosport Pelicans 1-1 Shezhen Athletic

Zouzal 61'

Fonzarelli 56'

LOZHOAN SECOND DIVISION

Hutzland United 2-3 Purple Lake Town
Vorxlia Rovers 1-0 Fezhan Town
Yestzongo Town 0-1 Protchen Wanderers
Freiburger Tigers 1-1 Fort Drezhain City
Kozhingham Town 0-0 Barzwich Town
Yuztville Rovers 4-0 Drezhain Athletic

Lozhoan First Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Ghezhan City        2     2     0     0     5     1    +4   6
2nd    Shezhen Athletic    2     1     1     0     3     2    +1   4
3rd    Catroza Town        2     1     0     1     2     2    0    3
3rd    Langhan Town        2     1     0     1     2     2    0    3
3rd    Morsholton Walkers  2     1     0     1     2     2    0    3
6th    Holden City         2     1     0     1     5     7    -2   3
7th    Gosport Pelicans    2     0     2     0     3     3    0    2
8th    Shezhen United      2     0     1     1     5     6    -1   1
9th    Foltcalfe Borough   2     0     1     1     3     4    -1   1
9th    Protchen United     2     0     1     1     3     4    -1   1

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Yuztville Rovers    2     2     0     0     8     2    +6   6
2nd    Purple Lake Town    2     1     1     0     6     5    +1   4
3rd    Protchen Wanderers  2     1     1     0     4     3    +1   4
4th    Hutzland United     2     1     0     1     4     3    +1   3
5th    Vorxlia Rovers      2     1     0     1     3     3    0    3
6th    Fezhan Town         2     1     0     1     1     1    0    3
7th    Drezhain Athletic   2     1     0     1     3     6    -3   3
8th    Fort Drezhain City  2     0     2     0     2     2    0    2
9th    Kozhingham Town     2     0     2     0     1     1    0    2
10th   Freiburger Tigers   2     0     1     1     1     2    -1   1
11th   Barzwich Town       2     0     1     1     0     2    -2   1
12th   Yestzongo Town      2     0     0     2     2     5    -3   0

Chaos at Holden Ground as Pandas Snatch Late Victory

Sponsored by Razer

After a whipping at the Ghezhan SuperPark by Ghezhan City that left them at the foot of the table, Holden City looked like a completely different team today as they denied Shezhen United a draw courtesy of Bradford Montzomery's 93rd minute free kick.

Unlike Holden City, Shezhen United entered the fixture in good spirits. In their opener of the season, they came back from 2-0 down to secure a 2-2 draw against title contenders Gosport Pelicans. As both teams play in black and white colours, The White Tigers opted for their stylish dark blue away kits today. One change was made in each starting lineup: due to minor injuries picked up in their opening games, Holden's Jeremy Holden made way for Zue Kettleman whilst Shezhen's Simon Rutabaga started over Olivier Szalai.

The game started off with a bang, as Herezoikaokaza Forrozonich crossed the ball to Joe Fiver in the 2nd minute who volleyed the ball into the top right corner, giving the Pandas an early 1-0 lead. No one knew what Holden City's right back was doing so far up the pitch but it didn't matter as the winning margin was set to move the team out of relegation danger for now. However, Shezhen United looked more ready than ever to avoid defeat and started playing with a very attacking style.

After a couple of quiet minutes, the Holden City became overwhelmed with Shezhen United's attacking trio of Zack Dekker, Pinko Zexair and Poza Ziezhan. An incisive pass by Ziezhan found a shockingly unmarked Zexair in the penalty box, who slotted the ball into the back of the net with a cool finish in the 36th minute, levelling the scores. The White Tigers weren't satisfied with just a draw however, and kept on pressuring the Holden defence. Eventually, just one minute before the end of the first half, a corner led to a header by goalscorer Fiver directed towards his own net, giving the away side a 2-1 lead at the break.

When the second half kicked off however, Shezhen United seemed to have lost all their drive. They played it around the back in an attempt to preserve their lead. Holden decided to take advantage of this by substituting teenage sensation Atticus Polonium on, whose energetic playstyle made the Pandas the dominant side now. A through ball from Polonium landed at the feet of veteran striker Ziaran Zipburgern, who scored in the 74th minute to level the scores once again. Not long afterwards, Polonium dribbled past an exhausted Shezhen defence to score a spectacular finish in the 83rd minute, restoring Holden's lead. The White Tigers began panicking and threw everything at their attacking forces, which resulted in substitute winger Garrett Northfence heading in a corner in the 88th minute to seemingly end the game on a draw.

Four minutes of stoppage time were given, and in its third minute Simon Rutabaga tripped up Atticus Polonium. A free kick was awarded to the home side, which was taken by Bradford Montzomery. He chipped it over the massive wall and just out of Zhozh Watkins' reach to complete a stunning 4-3 victory. Montzomery received a yellow card for taking his shirt off in celebration, but no one really cared as the goal was so impressive.

Shezhen United have a tough task in their next home match when league leaders Ghezhan City come to visit them, whilst Holden City will battle it out with the second Shezhen team in the row when they travel to the Tiger's Den.

OTHER HEADLINES

Pressure Mounting on Finchley to Arrest Slump as Protchen Drop to Last Place After 2-2 Draw

Drezhain Athletic Fans Hurl Projectiles at Team Bus After 4-0 Loss

New Razer Voice Chat Application Censors Any Non-Profanities

[Lozho]

MATCHDAY THREE

LOZHOAN FIRST DIVISION

Shezhen Athletic 2-0 Holden City

Romulus 30'
Crickport 77'

Shezhen United 0-2 Ghezhan City

Finger 81'

Vandenberg 4'
Chazelle (pen.) 82'

Langhan Town 3-0 Gosport Pelicans

Droozle 30', 41'
Guiterrez 62'

Protchen United 1-2 Catroza Town

Nakajima 70'

Maamria 86'
Blanchard 88'

Foltcalfe Borough 2-1 Morsholton Walkers

Zuckerberg 16', 77'

Chinama 47'

Lozhoan First Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Ghezhan City        3     3     0     0     7     1    +6   9
2nd    Shezhen Athletic    3     2     1     0     5     2    +3   7
3rd    Langhan Town        3     2     0     1     5     2    +3   6
4th    Catroza Town        3     2     0     1     4     3    +1   6
5th    Foltcalfe Borough   3     1     1     1     5     5    0    4
6th    Morsholton Walkers  3     1     0     2     3     4    -1   3
7th    Holden City         3     1     0     2     5     9    -4   3
8th    Gosport Pelicans    3     0     2     1     3     6    -3   2
9th    Protchen United     3     0     1     2     4     6    -2   1
10th   Shezhen United      3     0     1     2     5     8    -3   1

LOZHOAN SECOND DIVISION

Purple Lake Town 0-2 Vorxlia Rovers
Fezhan Town 3-1 Yestzongo Town
Protchen Wanderers 2-0 Freiburger Tigers
Fort Drezhain City 2-2 Yuztville Rovers
Barzwich Town 1-1 Drezhain Athletic
Hutzland United 1-3 Kozhingham Town

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

POS    TEAM                PLD   WON   DRN   LST   FOR   AG   GD   PTS
1st    Yuztville Rovers    3     2     1     0     10    4    +6   7
2nd    Protchen Wanderers  3     2     1     0     6     3    +3   7
3rd    Vorxlia Rovers      3     2     0     1     5     3    +2   6
4th    Fezhan Town         3     2     0     1     4     2    +2   6
5th    Kozhingham Town     3     1     2     0     4     2    +2   5
6th    Purple Lake Town    3     1     1     1     6     7    -1   4
7th    Drezhain Athletic   3     1     1     1     4     7    -3   4
8th    Fort Drezhain City  3     0     3     0     4     4    0    3
9th    Hutzland United     3     1     0     2     5     6    -1   3
10th   Barzwich Town       3     0     2     1     1     3    -2   2
11th   Freiburger Tigers   3     0     1     2     1     4    -3   1
12th   Yestzongo Town      3     0     0     3     3     8    -5   0

Poor Showings by Pelicans and Railwaymen Setting Up Glorious El Sackico

Sponsored by Soapy Dopey Records

After three matchdays, title contenders Gosport Pelicans and Protchen United find themselves in the bottom three of the table and at least 7 points off league leaders Ghezhan City. Of course, it's only early in the season, but a lack of improvement on worrying results has sparked speculation on the future of the team's managers Russell Moore and Pazron Finchley, who will face each other in Gosport on Sunday.

After two mediocre draws against Shezhen United and Shezhen Athletic, the Gosport Pelicans truly imploded when they played Langhan Town. The decimation of the Pelicans by Lozhoan star international Pazron Droozle was almost as merciless as the attacks on Pelican fans by the Chocolate Orange Mafia. Even though their defence is composed of Lozhoan internationals Bonzo De Jong and Zorro Zakaria, it has been atrociously mistake-prone this season which was most evident in the bottling of a 2-0 lead over Shezhen United in the season opening.

Gosport Pelicans are managed by Russell Moore, a newly appointed manager whose prior experience was mostly in the lower leagues of Lozhoan football. His 4-2-3-1 narrow style of play is also rather unconventional within the Lozhoan First Division, with many Pelicans fans decrying Moore's tactics as wasting talents such as Fatrouza Smith and Cartzon Zohzo. Due to these factors, Moore is the favourite to be the first LFD manager ever to be sacked. However, home advantage at the Soapy Dopey Records Stadium may give him a vital result against Protchen United and let him hang onto his job for a little longer.

After consecutive disasterclasses against Morsholton Walkers and Foltcalfe Borough, Protchen United almost defeated fellow title contenders Catroza Town when they led 1-0 by the 80th minute. Unfortunately for them, their shakiness led to two goals in two minutes from a resurgent Catroza to hand the team a second straight home defeat, the first in over twenty years. The Railwaymen have seemed very uninspired and are often beaten on counterattacks, revealing their lack of attentiveness.

As Pazron Finchley won the last league title for Protchen before the LFD was formed, it is an understatement to say it is a massive disappointment that the team languish so low down in the table. The Protchen fans were already calling for his head after the failure to defeat Foltcalfe Borough, and the pressure will only get more and more intense if results don't improve. Avoiding defeat against the Pelicans may just be enough for Finchley to keep his job, but the Protchen United Board's notorious volatility when it comes to sacking managers could prove otherwise.

Stay tuned for the game of the week, aka 'El Sackico', when Gosport Pelicans and Protchen United face each other this Sunday.

OTHER HEADLINES

Handball From Finger Results in First Red Card of the Season as Ghezhan Record Third Straight Victory

Fort Drezhain City Player Sent Off for Taking Shirt Off During Goal Celebration Promoting Soapy Dopey Records

Have You Been Bitten by a Rabid Pelican? Ten Signs You Should Call a Funeral Director Immediately.

[Lozho]

MATCHDAY FOUR

LOZHOAN FIRST DIVISION

Morsholton Walkers 1-2 Shezhen United

Prezhehn 66'

Devonshire (o.g.) 13'
Buckinghamshire 83'

Catroza Town 1-0 Shezhen Athletic

Mulgrave 45+1'

Holden City 1-1 Langhan Town

Forrozonich 23'

Droozle 6'

Ghezhan City 4-2 Foltcalfe Borough

Vandenberg 33', 42', (pen.) 82'
McNulty 90+3'

Jermeulen 6'
Zuckerberg 55'

Gosport Pelicans 2-0 Protchen United

Zapanda 13'
Johansen 70'

Lozhoan First Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1st Ghezhan City            4    4   0   0    11    3   +8    12
 2nd Catroza Town            4    3   0   1     5    3   +2     9
 3rd Langhan Town            4    2   1   1     6    3   +3     7
 4th Shezhen Athletic        4    2   1   1     5    3   +2     7
 5th Gosport Pelicans        4    1   2   1     5    6   −1     5
 6th Foltcalfe Borough       4    1   1   2     7    9   −2     4
     Shezhen United          4    1   1   2     7    9   −2     4
 8th Holden City             4    1   1   2     6   10   −4     4
 9th Morsholton Walkers      4    1   0   3     4    6   −2     3
10th Protchen United         4    0   1   3     4    8   −4     1

LOZHOAN SECOND DIVISION

Vorxlia Rovers 1-1 Protchen Wanderers
Yestzongo Town 0-1 Fort Drezhain City
Freiburger Tigers 3-1 Barzwich Town
Yuztville Rovers 3-2 Hutzland United
Drezhain Athletic 2-1 Purple Lake Town
Kozhingham Town 2-1 Fezhan Town

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1st Yuztville Rovers        4    3   1   0    13    6   +7    10
 2nd Protchen Wanderers      4    2   2   0     7    4   +3     8
 3rd Kozhingham Town         4    2   2   0     6    3   +3     8
 4th Vorxlia Rovers          4    2   1   1     6    4   +2     7
 5th Drezhain Athletic       4    2   1   1     6    8   −2     7
 6th Fezhan Town             4    2   0   2     5    4   +1     6
     Fort Drezhain City      4    1   3   0     5    4   +1     6
 8th Freiburger Tigers       4    1   1   2     4    5   −1     4
 9th Purple Lake Town        4    1   1   2     7    9   −2     4
10th Hutzland United         4    1   0   3     7    9   −2     3
11th Barzwich Town           4    0   2   2     2    6   −4     2
12th Yestzongo Town          4    0   0   4     3    9   −6     0

Pazron Finchley Sacked After Four Games

Sponsored by Starbucks

Just ten minutes after an uninspired Protchen United side lost to Gosport Pelicans and were rooted to the bottom of the Lozhoan First Division table, Lozho's Best Choo Choo Trains announced that their title-winning manager Pazron Finchley had been relieved of his duties with immediate effect. His assistant, Maz Mumfeld, will remain as an interim head coach until a replacement is appointed.

Finchley's former team, Protchen United, were widely regarded as title favourites and looked set to win the first ever LFD title. However, their start of the season has been nothing short of a fiasco, most notably a 2-1 loss to current second last team Morsholton Walkers in the opening fixture and a 2-0 loss to Gosport Pelicans yesterday in the 'El Sackico'. The Pelicans were in complete control of the match as a confused and uninspired Protchen United squad couldn't contain their opponents' incisive attacks. Many travelling fans started leaving the Soapy Dopey Records Stadium at half time, whilst others tweeted satirical photos of Finchley being guillotined.

The rumour mill has been hard at work trying to determine the next manager to take the reins and stop the team from sliding even further. The hot favourite for the hot seat at the moment is Gezald Ponzo, the current head coach for the Lozhoan National Football Team and former Langhan Town manager, who famously led the Chocolates to a surprise league title win. Ponzo would be a very ambitious appointment, and his experience in working with Protchen players such as Zed Zoan, Fazj Srejzjajk and Penny Butterfield will come in handy. However, it is also likely that he would deny this opportunity to carry on with his National Team project, which reached new heights recently when they reached the knockout stages of the Brevity Cup and are preparing to play in the Campionato Esportiva.

Another name being passed around is Tim Bluefield, the current manager of the Lozho National U21s Team. As Finchley was appointed right after leaving the post as U21s manager, and was successful for the most part, Bluefield could also be a success at the club even if he lacks experience managing at the club level. Bluefield, the brother of Ponzo's assistant Thomas Bluefield, would certainly be open to managing at the club level as he has indicated in the past so don't be surprised when he takes the job soon.

Finally, many have speculated that interim coach and former assistant to Finchley Maz Mumfeld could be in the running for permanent head coach. Mumfeld, who also has no experience managing at any level, has been a loyal assistant to Pazron Finchley for his whole career. When Protchen United face Holden City at Protchen Terminal in their next match, all eyes will be on how Mumfeld performs. If a dramatic turnaround in fortunes is afoot he could be offered the job, but most are expecting him to leave and follow Finchley to whatever job he takes next.

The Railwaymen are currently three points from safety and 11 points off table toppers Ghezhan City, who won their fourth straight match. With over a fifth of the season gone, Protchen United will need to buck up if they want to avoid embarrassment at the end of the season.

OTHER HEADLINES

Vandenberg Leads Golden Boot Race After Hattrick Against Forlorn Foltcalfe

Yestzongo Town Manager Fairronnen Resigns After Fourth Straight Defeat

CEO of Racism Apologises For Sensitive Remarks Made on Podcast

[Lozho]

CUP ROUND ONE

LOZHO CHAMPIONS CUP

Hutzland United 2-2 Vorxlia Rovers
(2-2 AET) (1-3 pen.)

Keenan 73'
Zesstian 82'

Zabdul 33', 42'

Yestzongo Town 3-0 Protchen Wanderers

Zeeves 23'
Packer 45+1'
Azhar 52'

Yuztville Rovers 3-2 Kozhingham Town

Krazus 10', 67'
Lorenzo (o.g.) 48'

Zule 56'
Fisher 72'

Barzwich Town 2-1 Freiburger Tigers

Zunble 26'
Zizai 31'

Pigiacelli 84'

Purple Lake Town 0-1 Fezhan Town

Pope 34'

Fort Drezhain City 0-0 Drezhain Athletic
(1-0 AET)

Zabbiot 113'

Cup Round Two Draw

Morsholton Walkers vs Yestzongo Town
Shezhen United vs Shezhen Athletic
Langhan Town vs Fort Drezhain City
Holden City vs Ghezhan City
Catroza Town vs Protchen United
Barzwich Town vs Fezhan Town
Foltcalfe Borough vs Vorxlia Rovers
Yuztville Rovers vs Gosport Pelicans

Uproar As Catroza Town Announce Two Midseason Signings

Sponsored by The Sylestonean

This morning, Lozhoan First Division 2nd-placed Catroza Town announced the arrival of two new signings: Sylestoneans Poopoo Bumbum and Wayne Kerr, presented by compatriot and new manager Light Bulb. 29 year-old striker Bumbum is a legendary name in Sylestonean football, and most recently fired his longtime side Western Avondale to a Toilet League return with two goals against Light Bulb's former side Kitchen Sink FC. He will be joined by his Western Avondale teammate, 31 year-old veteran centre back Wayne Kerr. The pair reportedly cost six million Lozhons in total.

Whilst fans of Catroza Town will be excited to see more big names at the club, and will be especially excited for the linkup between Kerr and compatriot Angelina Mulgrave, many other Lozhoan fans have admonished the signings and have demanded that the Lozhoan Football Association block the registration of the pair. As the Lozhoan transfer window had been shut long before these signings were announced, many have argued that these players should only be allowed once the midseason transfer window opens in a few months.

In response, the LFA has stated that "a deal in principle had already been arranged for a while" and that as the "Sylestone football seasons had just ended" it was only fair that the players could quickly move onto their new clubs, and have affirmed that no sanctions would be placed on Catroza Town Football Club or any of its players for these signings. It is expected that Bumbum will start over Zingo Maamria in the clash against Shezhen United on the weekend, whilst Kerr could make an appearance if Light Bulb decides to test him out as well.

The news of the Sylestonean signings has renewed increased criticism on Catroza Town as a 'money club' by rival fans. Even though almost every club in Lozho are backed by a major corporation, Catroza Town have been singled out as particularly extravagant in its spending, bringing in many foreign managers, players and executives. This has been considered especially disproportionate considering that the town of Catroza is rather small in size and the club's following is one of the smallest in the LFD. Assembly of Esportiva politician and club chairman Sonzha Sozha has frequently rebuked these remarks, labelling the critics as hypocrites.

Catroza Town will travel to Shezhen United on the weekend as they continue their title charge.

OTHER HEADLINES

Managerless and Winless Yestzongo Town Destroy Protchen Wanderers 3-0 in Shock Victory

Kozhingham Town Star Goalkeeper Zadbury Breaks Hand, Ruled Out For Rest of Season

Sentient Toilet Tourist Assaulted For Alleged 'Potty Mouth', 'Upper Decker' Amongst Victim's Injuries

[Lozho]

MATCHDAY FIVE

LOZHOAN FIRST DIVISION

Protchen United 1–1 Holden City

Nakajima 5'

Debnath 67'

Foltcalfe Borough 0–1 Gosport Pelicans

Zouzal (pen.) 88'

Langhan Town 1-0 Ghezhan City

Droozle 10'

Shezhen Athletic 0–0 Morsholton Walkers

Shezhen United 1–2 Catroza Town

Zexair 50'

Bumbum 26', 78'

Lozhoan First Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1st Ghezhan City            5    4   0   1    11    4   +7    12
 2nd Catroza Town            5    4   0   1     7    4   +3    12
 3rd Langhan Town            5    3   1   1     7    3   +4    10
 4th Shezhen Athletic        5    2   2   1     5    3   +2     8
 5th Gosport Pelicans        5    2   2   1     6    6    0     8
 6th Holden City             5    1   2   2     7   11   −4     5
 7th Morsholton Walkers      5    1   1   3     4    6   −2     4
 8th Shezhen United          5    1   1   3     8   11   −3     4
 9th Foltcalfe Borough       5    1   1   3     7   10   −3     4
10th Protchen United         5    0   2   3     5    9   −4     2

LOZHOAN SECOND DIVISION

Protchen Wanderers 0-2 Kozhingham Town
Fezhan Town 1-0 Yutzville Rovers
Purple Lake Town 2-2 Fort Drezhain City
Vorxlia Rovers 4-0 Freiburger Tigers
Barzwich Town 2-2 Yestzongo Town
Drezhain Athletic 0-0 Hutzland United

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1st Kozhingham Town         5    3   2   0     8    3   +5    11
 2nd Yuztville Rovers        5    3   1   1    13    7   +6    10
 3rd Vorxlia Rovers          5    3   1   1    10    4   +6    10
 4th Fezhan Town             5    3   0   2     6    4   +2     9
 5th Protchen Wanderers      5    2   2   1     7    6   +1     8
 6th Drezhain Athletic       5    2   2   1     6    8   −2     8
 7th Fort Drezhain City      5    1   4   0     7    6   +1     7
 8th Purple Lake Town        5    1   2   2     9   11   −2     5
 9th Hutzland United         5    1   1   3     7    9   −2     4
10th Freiburger Tigers       5    1   1   3     4    9   −5     4
11th Barzwich Town           5    0   3   2     4    8   −4     3
12th Yestzongo Town          5    0   1   4     5   11   −6     1

Lozho National Team Players Return for League Matches

Sponsored by Wolf Cola

Turbulent times are upon the Lozho National Football Team. With fans calling for Gezald Ponzo's head, the tense atmosphere in the dressing room and bad results off the pitch, it was the perfect storm for a disastrous campaign. Thankfully, global holiday celebrations delayed the Campionato Esportiva for a short while, allowing for the national team to regroup and rethink their plans. After the first suspension of international matches however, disaster struck when gangs of mischievous teenagers smashed up South Newlandian VAR machines, causing further delay in the competition. Recognising that it could be a while before the competition could restart and it would be good for match sharpness if the players kept on playing competitive matches, all were permitted to return to their clubs.

Lozhoan of the CE so far Pazron Droozle arguably had the best return to club football in this short return, with the attacking midfielder droozling past 3 defenders before slotting the ball into the bottom left corner, causing Ghezhan City's first league defeat this season. It was not exact,y a day of good cheer for the Protchen United players, whose miserable 5 day winless streak continued with a draw at home to Holden City. With Tim Bluefield announced as their new manager immediately after the match however, this is probably the kick needed for the underperforming Penny Butterfield and others to buck up in order to hold their place in the Railwaymen's squad.

The Lozhoan National Team footballers are expected to remain at their clubs until the authorities from South Newlandia announce that everything is up and running again. Clubs will be hoping that this downtime remains for a little while longer, with huge crunch matches such as Langhan vs Protchen and Ghezhan vs Catroza coming up this weekend. Stay tuned.

OTHER HEADLINES

Tim Bluefield Announced as New Protchen United Manager

Vorxlia Substitute Zanneman Scores 3 in 12 Minutes in Freiburger Routing

Pink Slime Shortage Causes Burger King Locations across the Nation to Shut Down

[Lozho]

MATCHDAY SIX

LOZHOAN FIRST DIVISION

Shezhen Athletic 2-0 Shezhen United

Crickport 19', 23'

Gosport Pelicans 1-2 Morsholton Walkers

Johansen 84'

Prezhehn (pen.) 26'
Jones 72'

Langhan Town 2-4 Protchen United

Zoomfield 10'
Droozle 45+1'

Mehzhuan 85'

Jost 73', 77', (pen.) 86'
Nakajima 90+6'

Ghezhan City 0-2 Catroza Town

Bumbum 16', 36'

Lozhoan First Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1st Catroza Town            6    5   0   1     9    4   +5    15
 2nd Ghezhan City            6    4   0   2    11    6   +5    12
 3rd Shezhen Athletic        6    3   2   1     7    3   +4    11
 4th Langhan Town            6    3   1   2     9    7   +2    10
 5th Gosport Pelicans        6    2   2   2     7    8   -1     8
 6th Morsholton Walkers      6    2   1   3     6    7   −1     7
 7th Protchen United         6    1   2   3     9   11   −2     5
 8th Holden City             5    1   2   2     7   11   −4     5
 9th Foltcalfe Borough       5    1   1   3     7   10   −3     4
10th Shezhen United          6    1   1   4     8   13   −5     4

LOZHOAN SECOND DIVISION

Fezhan Town 1-1 Protchen Wanderers
Kozhingham Town 5-1 Yutzville Rovers
Barzwich Town 1-1 Purple Lake Town
Fort Drezhain City 2-1 Vorxlia Rovers
Hutzland United 2-1 Yestzongo Town
Freiburger Tigers 0-0 Drezhain Athletic

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1st Kozhingham Town         6    4   2   0    13    4   +9    14
 2nd Vorxlia Rovers          6    3   1   2    11    6   +5    10
 3rd Yuztville Rovers        6    3   1   2    14   12   +2    10
 4th Fort Drezhain City      6    2   4   0     9    7   +2    10
 5th Fezhan Town             6    3   1   2     7    5   +2    10
 6th Protchen Wanderers      6    2   3   1     8    7   +1     9
 7th Drezhain Athletic       6    2   3   1     6    8   −2     9
 8th Hutzland United         6    2   1   3     9   10   −1     7
 9th Purple Lake Town        6    1   3   2    10   12   −2     6
10th Freiburger Tigers       6    1   2   3     4    9   −5     5
11th Barzwich Town           6    0   4   2     5    9   −4     4
12th Yestzongo Town          6    0   1   5     6   13   −7     1

Superb Second-Half Showing by Railwaymen Claws Them out of Drop Zone

Sponsored by Spencer's Eyeballs and Footballs

For the first time ever, Protchen United fans who left the stadium at half time would be further stung by the fact that they missed an epic comeback. You heard that right. Surprise strugglers Protchen United, who were 2-0 down against Langhan Town at half time, scored 4 goals in the last twenty minutes to record their first victory of the league season.

With players formally returning to their clubs following the conclusion of the Lozhoan National Team's time at the South Newlandian Campionato Esportiva + Sporting Festival, the Railwaymen were feeling confident that the end of the international break would create a clean slate for the team with a new manager. However, Langhan's key threat Pazron Droozle was fit and back in the team, and was poised to cause even more damage today with his droozling. Backed by crowds of chocolate-lobbing ultras, Langhan away was never a tie you wanted a play, let alone expected to win. However, just one victory was all the Railwaymen needed to buck their poor form and salvage their title charge.

Things started off smoothly for Langhan, with Pazron Droozle's volley from Qazca Ferzhai's cross smacking the crossbar in the 4th minute. Shortly afterwards, Protchen United winger Zed Zoan got away with just a yellow card after throwing Ferzhai onto the ground. With the foul occurring just millimetres outside the box, the Langhan 'Chocolate Orange Mafia' began jeering the decision to not award a penalty. It didn't matter however, as Droozle's free kick floated right towards target man Hector Zoomfield's head, which connected in the 10th minute to give the home side a 1-0 lead. The Railwaymen played much more cautiously, having learnt that the Chocolates were especially dangerous on set pieces. However, this led to a very low-key affair between the two sides for the next 35 minutes.

In the 1st minute of stoppage time in the first half, an incisive Droozle pounced on Penny Butterfield's lapse in concentration to break through the Protchen defence and whacked the ball into the top right corner, giving Langhan a 2-0 lead right before the break. This time, ironic jeers could be heard from the home side, as they threw wrappers at Protchen fans who had not already departed the Langhan Chocolates National Stadium.

At the start of the second half however, the Protchen United players started pressing much harder. Recognising that this was make or beeak for the team, they began a complete assault on Langhan Town's defence. Even with players such as Frank Jost and substitute Henry Fonzarelli causing mayhem down the wings, all the chances they created led to nowhere as the brilliant Matt Zohnzohn continuously denied them. Eventually, the Langha Town defence buckled under the overwhelming pressure and went into free fall, with Jost scoring twice in four minutes. The second goal was particularly agonising, as Jost nutmegged Zohnzohn to level the scores. However, Protchen weren't done yet. In the 85th minute, Shinji Nakajima was elbowed by a reckless Zatri Mehzhuan, who received his marching orders for the foul and a penalty was awarded. Even with the loud chants of expletives towards the referee by the home side, Jost coolly slotted the penalty into the bottom left corner, completing a comeback for the Railwaymen and sealing a hattrick. To rub salt into the wounds, Jost's cross in the 6th minute of stoppage time led to a header from Shinji Nakajima to end the game with a 4-2 victory to the away side.

Even though Tim Bluefield was lauded for his first win as Protchen United manager, many still criticised the team's performance in the first half of the match. Protchen will be hoping that their Second Half FC can show up for the whole game when they take on Ghezhan City at home next week, whilst Langhan will anticipate a rebound when they play last-placed Shezhen United next.

OTHER HEADLINES

Bumbum's Brace Helps Catroza Leapfrog Paperweights to Top Spot

Yuztville Rovers Fans Stunned 5-1 by Kozhingham, Throw Rotten Tomatoes at Team Bus

Fortnite 2 to be Announced at Press Conference Tomorrow

[Lozho]

MATCHDAY SEVEN

LOZHOAN FIRST DIVISION

Protchen United 3-1 Ghezhan City

Nakajima 10', 23'
Flubbubbazuppa 70'

Vandenberg 4'

Foltcalfe Borough 0-0 Shezhen Athletic

Shezhen United 1-1 Langhan Town

Romulus 54'

Francisco 90+1'

Catroza Town 2-2 Holden City

Bumbum 28'
Blanchard 84'

Forrozonich 16'
Debnath 62'

Lozhoan First Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1st Catroza Town            7    5   1   1    11    6   +5    16
 2nd Shezhen Athletic        7    3   3   1     7    3   +4    12
 3rd Ghezhan City            7    4   0   3    12    9   +3    12
 4th Langhan Town            7    3   2   2    10    8   +2    11
 5th Protchen United         7    2   2   3    12   12    0     8
 6th Gosport Pelicans        6    2   2   2     7    8   -1     8
 7th Morsholton Walkers      6    2   1   3     6    7   −1     7
 8th Holden City             6    1   3   2     9   13   −4     6
 9th Foltcalfe Borough       6    1   2   3     7   10   −3     5
10th Shezhen United          7    1   2   4     9   14   −5     5

LOZHOAN SECOND DIVISION

Yutzville Rovers 1-3 Protchen Wanderers
Purple Lake Town 1-2 Kozhingham Town
Fezhan Town 2-0 Drezhain Athletic
Vorxlia Rovers 1-1 Barzwich Town
Freiburger Tigers 0-2 Yestzongo Town
Fort Drezhain City 1-4 Hutzland United

Lozhoan Second Division Standings

                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1st Kozhingham Town         7    5   2   0    15    5  +10    17
 2nd Fezhan Town             7    4   1   2     9    5   +4    13
 3rd Protchen Wanderers      7    3   3   1    11    8   +3    12
 4th Vorxlia Rovers          7    3   2   2    12    7   +5    11
 5th Hutzland United         7    3   1   3    13   11   +2    10
 6th Yuztville Rovers        7    3   1   3    15   15    0    10
 7th Fort Drezhain City      7    2   4   1    10   11   -1    10
 8th Drezhain Athletic       7    2   3   2     6   10   −4     9
 9th Purple Lake Town        7    1   3   3    11   14   −3     6
10th Barzwich Town           7    0   5   2     6   10   −4     5
11th Freiburger Tigers       7    1   2   4     4   11   −7     5
12th Yestzongo Town          7    1   1   5     8   13   −5     4

West Barack and East Obama's Next Top Midfielder Auditions NOW OPEN!

Sponsored by Simon Cowell

With the World Cup Qualification rounds just around the corner, there's just one thing missing: a spot for a midfielder in the West Barack and East Obama football squad! After the tragic death of Chester Lobamas from a 'cocaine overdose' weeks ago, YOU could be the next person warming the bench and kicking balls around if you win the title of 'West Barack and East Obama's Next Top Midfielder'!

All interest applicants must send an email to nexttopmid@gmail.com, and you may be selected for a live audition if you fulfil the following criteria:

• willingness to surrender loyalties to any other nation upon becoming a footballer and swearing allegiance to Obama,
• no objectionable past of criticising Obama, the nation or any other poor-taste social media posts,
• exceptional skill in something, hopefully related to athletics,
• acceptance that the 'last kick of the game' may very well be the last kick you'll ever take.

If you do indeed receive a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to audition, you will be required to travel to New Barack City in West Barack. Reminder to adhere to West Barack and East Obama's well-enforced laws!

All the best to all applicants and we hope to see you on the field at the upcoming WCC competitions!

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