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[SUBMITTED] Gourd Guard

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.

What is wrong with the issue?

Preface
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Option 1
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Option 2
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Option 3
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Option 4
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Other
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None
4
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Total votes : 4

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Floofybit
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Psychotic Dictatorship

[SUBMITTED] Gourd Guard

Postby Floofybit » Mon Sep 12, 2022 9:07 am

I've brought a spooky issue for y'all and would love your feedback!

Gourd Guard

Validation: Must Have Religion

Preface: It is tradition for people of Brancaland heritage to carve faces and creatures in pumpkins during autumn and place them outside their houses to ward off spirits. However, while your religious minister was walking the streets of @@CAPITAL@@, admiring the pumpkins, @@HE@@ noticed a horrific sight. An intricate carving of the devil sits on the porch of apartment 666, for all to see.

Option 1: Your religious minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, crawls into your office, shaking in fear. "Did you see what they carved in that pumpkin? It was horrible. If you don't outright ban this pumpkin carving tradition, who knows what terrible pictures we'll see next?" @@HE@@ stands there, mouth open, with a scarred look on @@HIS@@ face. "Arrest this unrighteous heathen and destroy the pumpkins!"

Outcome: the government holds annual pumpkin smashing competitions

Option 2: "Now, now, let's not get too hasty here. Sure, this picture was, well, devilish, but the pumpkins weren't!" claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, your minister of quality foods. "Rather than letting people carve these pumpkins, we can prevent satanic images by eating all the pumpkins! Just imagine pumpkins as a staple of @@NAME@@. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, even pumpkin soda. Trust me. It sounds gross, but as your minister of quality foods, I would know."

Outcome: jack-o'-lanterns are @@NAME@@'s national dish

Option 3: "No! You can't destroy the pumpkins! These are a sacred tradition that is holy to our people." excalaims concerned Brancalandian priest, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If we don't have these lanterns, how will we ward off the evil spirits, such as the one carved on that pumpkin? For the sake of our religion, set up a Gourd Guard so the devil can't be carved on the pumpkins, but holy spirit's can!"

Outcome: pastors constantly monitor the streets for devil-o'-lanterns

Option 4: "Why are you all ganging up on me? What ever happened to freedom of speech?" questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, resident of apartment 666. "I should be able to carve what I want, on any fruit I want! End this corrupt ideology that your religion is truer than mine, and commend me, and all the other carvers like me for our bravery!"

Outcome: carved pumpkins are commonly used in protest
Last edited by Floofybit on Mon Oct 03, 2022 6:23 am, edited 24 times in total.
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Catalonia 2070 RP
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Postby Catalonia 2070 RP » Mon Sep 12, 2022 9:10 am

You should probably replace the "she" for city counsilor with @@HE@@.

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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Mon Sep 12, 2022 9:12 am

Catalonia 2070 RP wrote:You should probably replace the "she" for city counsilor with @@HE@@.

Thanks!
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Mon Sep 12, 2022 12:28 pm

Public porn is illegal in most nations. Why would it make a difference that this example in particular involved pumpkins?

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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Mon Sep 12, 2022 12:47 pm

Trotterdam wrote:Public porn is illegal in most nations. Why would it make a difference that this example in particular involved pumpkins?

That is why they have to deal with the man who made it and see if people still get the privilege to keep carving pumpkins. Even if it's illegal, there is always someone who will do it, and you have to decide what to do with him, and the pumpkins
Last edited by Floofybit on Mon Sep 12, 2022 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Mon Sep 12, 2022 1:33 pm

You can make porn using any of numerous media. This doesn't result in nations banning paint or crayons or clay.

Pornographic pumpkin carving cannot be a common enough occurence to warrant special treatment.

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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Mon Sep 12, 2022 4:38 pm

Trotterdam wrote:You can make porn using any of numerous media. This doesn't result in nations banning paint or crayons or clay.

Pornographic pumpkin carving cannot be a common enough occurence to warrant special treatment.

If you don't think that pumpkins should be banned, wouldn't you just choose options 3 or 4?
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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Sep 13, 2022 12:15 am

Just ban people from carving pornographic images, but allow them to carve anything else
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Tue Sep 13, 2022 4:59 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Just ban people from carving pornographic images, but allow them to carve anything else

Alright, option 4 was added!
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Wed Sep 14, 2022 8:57 am

Added poll and a few grammar fixes.

Would love specific feedback, especially on option 4!
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Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Mon Sep 19, 2022 5:55 am

As this issue has reached the next page, I am bumping it. Please give feedback! Even if it's good, I still want to here, "nothing is wrong."
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Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Wed Sep 21, 2022 4:26 pm

I'm still confused how one can carve pornography onto a pumpkin. It's just a pumpkin carving, you can't really portray clothes on pumpkin carvings (unless if you are an extremely advanced artist and can somehow pull it off). I would restructure it, so the creature is considered a devil that is said to bring curses and witchcraft.

Apartment 666 would be a better number for humorous effect, given it's the number of the devil.

Why is a city counselor offended by it? Wouldn't a religious priest or some evangelical people be offended more?
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Postby Floofybit » Wed Sep 21, 2022 4:52 pm

Outer Sparta wrote:I'm still confused how one can carve pornography onto a pumpkin. It's just a pumpkin carving, you can't really portray clothes on pumpkin carvings (unless if you are an extremely advanced artist and can somehow pull it off). I would restructure it, so the creature is considered a devil that is said to bring curses and witchcraft.

Apartment 666 would be a better number for humorous effect, given it's the number of the devil.

Why is a city counselor offended by it? Wouldn't a religious priest or some evangelical people be offended more?

Ooh, I actually like that idea! I'll get to work on editing. Plus, it will make it more on the Halloween side of things
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Thu Sep 22, 2022 9:06 am

Updated accordingly with the next draft! Thoughts?
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Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Thu Sep 22, 2022 1:33 pm

Question: is the spelling of "gaurd" intentional or is it supposed to be "guard?" I see it in the title and in option 3.
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Postby Floofybit » Thu Sep 22, 2022 2:09 pm

Outer Sparta wrote:Question: is the spelling of "gaurd" intentional or is it supposed to be "guard?" I see it in the title and in option 3.

It wasn't intentional. Thanks for the catch!
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Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Sat Sep 24, 2022 12:24 pm

If anyone has more feedback, please let me know!!!
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Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Mon Sep 26, 2022 6:58 am

As this has reached the end of the page, LAST CALL!
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Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
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Panagouge
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Postby Panagouge » Mon Sep 26, 2022 10:34 am

The description could use less redundancy. E.g : "Sitting in Apartment 666 is a pumpkin bearing an intricately carved demon, for all to see."
Last edited by Panagouge on Mon Sep 26, 2022 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby RedBrickLand » Mon Sep 26, 2022 11:20 pm

I really like the issue. I do have some suggestions though. (My suggestions are probably horrible but I'm just throwing them out there)

OPTION 1 result: a yearly government tradition is to hold a pumpkin smashing contest

OPTION 2 result: an unusual number of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have been reported to have orange or yellow skin
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Tue Sep 27, 2022 5:04 am

Panagouge wrote:The description could use less redundancy. E.g : "Sitting in Apartment 666 is a pumpkin bearing an intricately carved demon, for all to see."

Updated! Is this better?
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Falls Under The "Canine" Species
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Favourite Colour Is Tangerine (FF9966)
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Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
(My fruit addiction is almost definitely back)
Buy my chocolate here!
"Gotta be some Disneyland style utopia for either people and dogs or... anthropomorphic animals."

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Floofybit
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Floofybit » Tue Sep 27, 2022 5:09 am

RedBrickLand wrote:I really like the issue. I do have some suggestions though. (My suggestions are probably horrible but I'm just throwing them out there)

OPTION 1 result: a yearly government tradition is to hold a pumpkin smashing contest

OPTION 2 result: an unusual number of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ have been reported to have orange or yellow skin

Updated the first result! I agree that the second result is kinda slim, and needs a replacement, but it took me a while to understand the second fallout joke.

Thanks though!
Fluff/Floof Pronouns ОшО
Falls Under The "Canine" Species
Avid Fruit Addict
Favourite Colour Is Tangerine (FF9966)
Favourite Animal Is West Highland Terrier
ЦшЦ
Foxlington News
Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
(My fruit addiction is almost definitely back)
Buy my chocolate here!
"Gotta be some Disneyland style utopia for either people and dogs or... anthropomorphic animals."

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Panagouge
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Postby Panagouge » Tue Sep 27, 2022 7:36 am

Floofybit wrote:Updated! Is this better?

Much better! Although, is it sight or site, or is a pun?
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Floofybit
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Postby Floofybit » Tue Sep 27, 2022 8:34 am

Panagouge wrote:
Floofybit wrote:Updated! Is this better?

Much better! Although, is it sight or site, or is a pun?

I guess they both could work, but sight probably makes more sense, considering they saw it. Thanks! Updated
Fluff/Floof Pronouns ОшО
Falls Under The "Canine" Species
Avid Fruit Addict
Favourite Colour Is Tangerine (FF9966)
Favourite Animal Is West Highland Terrier
ЦшЦ
Foxlington News
Fruit addiction terrorises Floofybits, no known cure has been found | Man purchases too much tangerine juice and goes bankrupt but highballed people and is now a millionaire | Woman arrested for having "too many favourite colours" and will be released in 2034. | Peachton man identiies as a kumquat, watch his story
(My fruit addiction is almost definitely back)
Buy my chocolate here!
"Gotta be some Disneyland style utopia for either people and dogs or... anthropomorphic animals."

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Sep 27, 2022 5:48 pm

With notable exceptions, I tend to only post once in an issue draft because I feel like I've contributed everything I need to contribute. This is one of those instances where I only contribute once
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