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by Fhaengshia » Fri Jul 15, 2022 11:48 pm
by TalAkMaChen » Sun Jul 17, 2022 3:43 am
by Valentine Z » Sun Jul 17, 2022 3:47 am
♪ If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down ! ♪
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
(✿◠‿◠) ☆ \(^_^)/ ☆
♡ Issues Thread ♡ Photography Stuff ♡ Project: Save F7. ♡ Stats Analysis ♡
♡ The Sixty! ♡ Valentian Stories! ♡ Gwen's Adventures! ♡
• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.
by Trotterdam » Mon Jul 18, 2022 6:39 am
#1525 @@LEADER@@: The Musical!According to the draft thread, the last speaker's name is nonrandom, but the others are probably random. According to common sense, I would expect the first speaker to always be male, although then again, if it's a prop mustache, it could in principle also be worn by a female.
The Issue
Last night, the students of @@CAPITAL@@ Central High School performed a spirited rendition of the play '@@LEADER@@: Glorious Hero of @@NAME@@'. Horrifyingly, they turned it into a musical parody — with you as the villain instead of the hero.
The Debate
1. "See, this is what happens when we let people make decisions on their own," complains Propaganda Minister Lloyd Webster, idly twirling his oversized prop mustache. "We gave these kids the freedom to perform a variety of theatrical productions, ranging from '@@LEADER@@: The Amazing Couldn't-Be-Cooler Dreamboat' to 'The Sun Shines From @@LEADER@@'s Every Orifice'. Instead, they turned our most beloved national hagiography into a vulgar parody where you torture dissidents and sing about sending innocent people to the gulags! Drag these teenage reprobates and the school administrators to a re-education camp, where they can labor until they learn that you are a kind and merciful leader who only wants the best for our people."
2. "Please! I didn't know about those rewrites that the students made," pleads Principal Bobbie Posse, who was brought before you in chains. "It's normal for teenagers to go through a rebellious phase. If this wretched worm before you might make a suggestion, perhaps a small amount of political satire would be a good thing! Allowing your unworthy subjects a little more freedom of expression, in small venues below a mighty personage's notice, would show that you're a good sport with a sense of humor — and ample reserves of forgiveness toward those of us who can never hope to live up to your magnificent example."
3. "I actually liked the part where you slaughtered your enemies and literally danced on their graves," enthuses Julian Paymore, your Minister of Cruel and Unusual Punishments, who appears to be sketching either costumes or new ideas for torture devices in a notebook. "It would be a shame to waste all that raw talent by sending them to break rocks in a quarry. If those troublesome teens think it's so fun to write clever songs, we'll just make them do that for the rest of their lives. I'm sure that our Ironic Punishments Division can find jobs for them on the 'Fawning Adulation for @@LEADER@@ Smile-Time Variety Hour' or a similar program. They'll really hate that."
4. Lyricist and composer Stephanie Soundheimer, who has been shackled to a piano until she writes a version of 'Send in the Leader' that doesn't have a bittersweet counterpoint, plays a scale for attention. "Ain't it a shame. You should cut slack. Rather than have people say, you are a hack. 'Oh, what a clown!' Want to make friends? Here and abroad? Fool everyone so they believe you're not flawed. 'Are they a clown? They're not a clown.' We'll remove parts where you can't spell, and all of their insults about how they think that you smell. Cast a big star to play you and send it on a tour. We'll earn some cash, that I am sure. It is just farce! Reasons are clear: you will get all the cash that you want; people will cheer. So turn 'round that frown. In cash, you will drown. At least 'til next year."
Issue by Pogaria
Edited by The Free Joy State
by Bears Armed » Mon Jul 18, 2022 6:35 pm
Trotterdam wrote:#1525 @@LEADER@@: The Musical!According to the draft thread, the last speaker's name is nonrandom, but the others are probably random. According to common sense, I would expect the first speaker to always be male, although then again, if it's a prop mustache, it could in principle also be worn by a female.
The Issue
Last night, the students of @@CAPITAL@@ Central High School performed a spirited rendition of the play '@@LEADER@@: Glorious Hero of @@NAME@@'. Horrifyingly, they turned it into a musical parody — with you as the villain instead of the hero.
The Debate
1. "See, this is what happens when we let people make decisions on their own," complains Propaganda Minister Lloyd Webster, idly twirling his oversized prop mustache. "We gave these kids the freedom to perform a variety of theatrical productions, ranging from '@@LEADER@@: The Amazing Couldn't-Be-Cooler Dreamboat' to 'The Sun Shines From @@LEADER@@'s Every Orifice'. Instead, they turned our most beloved national hagiography into a vulgar parody where you torture dissidents and sing about sending innocent people to the gulags! Drag these teenage reprobates and the school administrators to a re-education camp, where they can labor until they learn that you are a kind and merciful leader who only wants the best for our people."
2. "Please! I didn't know about those rewrites that the students made," pleads Principal Bobbie Posse, who was brought before you in chains. "It's normal for teenagers to go through a rebellious phase. If this wretched worm before you might make a suggestion, perhaps a small amount of political satire would be a good thing! Allowing your unworthy subjects a little more freedom of expression, in small venues below a mighty personage's notice, would show that you're a good sport with a sense of humor — and ample reserves of forgiveness toward those of us who can never hope to live up to your magnificent example."
3. "I actually liked the part where you slaughtered your enemies and literally danced on their graves," enthuses Julian Paymore, your Minister of Cruel and Unusual Punishments, who appears to be sketching either costumes or new ideas for torture devices in a notebook. "It would be a shame to waste all that raw talent by sending them to break rocks in a quarry. If those troublesome teens think it's so fun to write clever songs, we'll just make them do that for the rest of their lives. I'm sure that our Ironic Punishments Division can find jobs for them on the 'Fawning Adulation for @@LEADER@@ Smile-Time Variety Hour' or a similar program. They'll really hate that."
4. Lyricist and composer Stephanie Soundheimer, who has been shackled to a piano until she writes a version of 'Send in the Leader' that doesn't have a bittersweet counterpoint, plays a scale for attention. "Ain't it a shame. You should cut slack. Rather than have people say, you are a hack. 'Oh, what a clown!' Want to make friends? Here and abroad? Fool everyone so they believe you're not flawed. 'Are they a clown? They're not a clown.' We'll remove parts where you can't spell, and all of their insults about how they think that you smell. Cast a big star to play you and send it on a tour. We'll earn some cash, that I am sure. It is just farce! Reasons are clear: you will get all the cash that you want; people will cheer. So turn 'round that frown. In cash, you will drown. At least 'til next year."
Issue by Pogaria
Edited by The Free Joy State
by Rocain Founder » Fri Jul 22, 2022 7:08 am
by Trotterdam » Fri Jul 22, 2022 7:17 am
by Rocain Founder » Thu Jul 28, 2022 5:02 am
#1526 Corporate Pride
The Issue
Representatives of some of the largest corporations in Cain BZ R06Co v0 have come to ask you to support them in their commitment to LGBTQ+ rights.
The Debate
1. “United Arms Manufacturing has been a staunch ally of the LGBTQ+ community ever since our emergency board meeting last week,” says the company’s CEO, while waving her newly acquired rainbow flag. “For the next two weeks, we’d love to have your government by our side as we stand before our shareholders and the wider world in support of LGBTQ+ rights. We’ll market special ‘pride’ items, run promotional campaigns and organize a big parade. To demonstrate the government’s support to the cause, a slight decrease in taxation for such supportive companies as ourselves seems prudent.”
2. “Love is love,” interjects Steve Barrow, head of Human Activity at Amalgamated Arms Manufacturing, “and my company, along with many others in the sector, will continue to celebrate it, government incentives or not. What we really need from you is to pass actual laws to secure equality. Yes, that’s right, legislate to end all discriminatory practices against LGBTQ+ people in workplaces and in society at large. Then we can talk about pride.”
3. “Joint Arms Manufacturing has never discriminated against any LGBTQ+ employee in a way that could be proven in court,” boasts company president Aziz Grant, flanked by a leadership team that looks completely identical to him. “It’s all thanks to the discretionary funds we’ve spent on big internal reforms. You don’t achieve acceptance and openness by the firm hand of the law, but rather through subtle nudging and a bigger HR department. Do not legislate needlessly. Instead, you should release guidelines for changes to corporate culture and grant funding to companies looking to implement them.”
4. “Why stick with a single demographic when there are so many more out there?” asks Consolidated Arms Manufacturing representative Fatima Mulcair, handing you a dizzyingly colorful I<3LGBTQ+ROYGBIV 2.0 pin. “You should split up the year into equal portions, each targeted at a specific globally underrepresented group. It will spread even greater awareness, showing that love truly is bigger than hate. We will of course do our part, in cutting prices for the respective groups to show our support. However, sustaining such continuous price slashing would require some modest subsidies.”
5. “Do not endorse this bigotry,” shouts Kurt Tan, an administrative assistant with the slightly more obscure Straight Arms Manufacturing, better known as the author of 12 Rules for Cleaning Your Room. “No matter where I turn my head these days it’s LB this and Q+1 that. What about the rest of us? Where are our venues for expressing pride over who we are and our way of life? If anything, the government should be endorsing a celebration of us ordinary, hard-working, straight people. Make normalcy normal again.”
Issue by The Krazy Kakistocracy of Cretox State
Edited by Gnejs
by Trotterdam » Thu Jul 28, 2022 11:59 pm
Confirmed. I got Information Technology.Rocain Founder wrote:Here is Issue #1526, received by puppet Cain BZ R06Co v0. I have not attempted to macroize the various proper names. I observe that Arms Manufacturing is the major industry of this puppet, so it is at least possible that the various companies referenced in the text belong in general to the recipient nation's major industry rather than always being in the business of Arms Manufacturing.
#1526 Corporate Pride
The Issue
Representatives of some of the largest corporations in @@NAME@@ have come to ask you to support them in their commitment to LGBTQ+ rights.
The Debate
1. "United @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ has been a staunch ally of the LGBTQ+ community ever since our emergency board meeting last week," says the company's CEO, while waving @@HIS/HER@@ newly acquired rainbow flag. "For the next two weeks, we'd love to have your government by our side as we stand before our shareholders and the wider world in support of LGBTQ+ rights. We'll market special 'pride' items, run promotional campaigns and organize a big parade. To demonstrate the government's support to the cause, a slight decrease in taxation for such supportive companies as ourselves seems prudent."
2. "Love is love," interjects @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of Human Activity at Amalgamated @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@, "and my company, along with many others in the sector, will continue to celebrate it, government incentives or not. What we really need from you is to pass actual laws to secure equality. Yes, that's right, legislate to end all discriminatory practices against LGBTQ+ people in workplaces and in society at large. Then we can talk about pride."
3. "Joint @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ has never discriminated against any LGBTQ+ employee in a way that could be proven in court," boasts company president @@RANDOMNAME@@, flanked by a leadership team that looks completely identical to @@HIM/HER@@. "It's all thanks to the discretionary funds we've spent on big internal reforms. You don't achieve acceptance and openness by the firm hand of the law, but rather through subtle nudging and a bigger HR department. Do not legislate needlessly. Instead, you should release guidelines for changes to corporate culture and grant funding to companies looking to implement them."
4. "Why stick with a single demographic when there are so many more out there?" asks Consolidated @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ representative @@RANDOMNAME@@, handing you a dizzyingly colorful I<3LGBTQ+ROYGBIV 2.0 pin. "You should split up the year into equal portions, each targeted at a specific globally underrepresented group. It will spread even greater awareness, showing that love truly is bigger than hate. We will of course do our part, in cutting prices for the respective groups to show our support. However, sustaining such continuous price slashing would require some modest subsidies."
5. "Do not endorse this bigotry," shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, an administrative assistant with the slightly more obscure Straight @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@, better known as the author of 12 Rules for Cleaning Your Room. "No matter where I turn my head these days it's LB this and Q+1 that. What about the rest of us? Where are our venues for expressing pride over who we are and our way of life? If anything, the government should be endorsing a celebration of us ordinary, hard-working, straight people. Make normalcy normal again."
Issue by Cretox State
Edited by Gnejs
by Rocain Founder » Sun Aug 07, 2022 5:14 am
“I have an alternative solution for this,” announces Luka Williams, CTO of Science & Gadgetry, Inc. “A team at my company recently made great leaps in the field of active noise cancellation technology. We only need a few more — well, okay, better make that quite a few more — @@CURRENCY_PLURAL@@ in our budget for the R&D, and we can scale it up to shield entire houses!”
by Trotterdam » Sun Aug 07, 2022 7:06 am
The draft thread at least supports this. There is of course a chance it was changed in editing, but I see little reason to expect that.Rocain Founder wrote:It looks likely that this option is conditional on high IT or high science. Certainly this puppet has both.
by Divine Cervine » Mon Aug 08, 2022 9:39 pm
O Solitude!
O Solitude! If I must with thee dwell, let it not be among the jumbled heap of murky buildings; climb with me the steep,— nature’s observatory—whence the dell, its flowery slopes, its river’s crystal swell, may seem a span; let me thy vigils keep ’mongst boughs pavillion’d, where the deer’s swift leap startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell. But though I’ll gladly trace these scenes with thee, yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, whose words are images of thoughts refin’d, is my soul’s pleasure; and it sure must be almost the highest bliss of human-kind, when to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee. — John Keats❤❤❤
Ⓥ vegan
by West Barack and East Obama » Mon Aug 08, 2022 10:47 pm
by Rocain Founder » Wed Aug 10, 2022 6:18 am
#1530 Absolutely Speechless
The Issue
Just when you thought you had a moment to relax, a delayed memo reaches your desk reminding you that you’re scheduled to deliver a speech on new organizational systems for the @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ National Archives barely half an hour from now. Ironically, your secretary seems to have misplaced the only copy of your prepared speech, and chaos has ensued.
The Debate
1. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what have I done?” spouts frazzled secretary Ali Allen, while frantically searching his desk for the lost document. “You can’t go out there without a speech! People are expecting you to say something, and you have to project an aura of always being ready!” He hurriedly grabs his son’s school essay from his bulletin board, peeling off the big gold star sticker before handing it to you. “Here, just read from this. It may be slightly off-topic, but at least it’s something... and hey, it got top marks in his junior forensics class!”
2. “Now hold on a second! Are you really considering going out there with something written by a 10-year-old? It’s better to give no speech than a bad speech!” interjects Minister of Expecting the Unexpected, Elena Frederickson, rapidly flipping through a binder of unusual situations and selecting an appropriate response. “Now I know it might look bad, but it says right here that all you have to do is tell the people about your lost speech. That will make them sympathize with you, and you’ll earn their support for telling them the truth! Honesty before image, right?”
3. “From my years working the crowds, I can tell you that the people just want to have some fun. Nobody cares about that lame speech you planned anyway!” insists self-proclaimed ‘hype-lord’ John McGhee, dropping in unannounced from your vents. “You should go out there and say something that gets the people hootin’ and hollerin’ for more, that’s what always works. Speak off the cuff, no holds barred. Announce a new patriotic holiday or something! It’ll be lit, no cap!”
Issue by The Swinging Jungle of Baloo Kingdom
Edited by Verdant Haven
by West Barack and East Obama » Wed Aug 10, 2022 6:51 am
by SherpDaWerp » Wed Aug 10, 2022 4:24 pm
West Barack and East Obama wrote:Also, Issue #1529 is likely 'Duel of the Fates', given the update to SherpDaWerp's dispatch and recent happenings. Keep an eye out for that one, looks like it has a pretty narrow validity.
by TalAkMaChen » Thu Aug 11, 2022 10:05 am
by Rocain Founder » Fri Aug 12, 2022 2:30 pm
“Our top food scientists have been working on this el-Emmental problem in queso shortage ever happened. We could get Iltonian-Style Processed Cheese Product onto store shelves in less than a Gruyère... er, year,” boasts Nelson Hunt, Director of Innovation at processed food conglomerate Frakt Zhein, makers of ‘CHEEZ! In a Spray Can!’. “However, we’ll need the government to relax a few of their more draconian food safety regulations first, and Raclette the free market determine what’s suitable for consumption. You wouldn’t Brie-lieve all the additives we have to use in this stuff to get the flavor and texture right.”
by Honeydewistania » Tue Aug 16, 2022 2:15 am
#1527 God Save The Queens
The crown prince of Skandilund was caught sharing an intimate moment with another man in that nation’s palace gardens, evoking both ire and praise from the denizens of @@REGION@@. Yet in the midst of the media fever, your nation’s tabloids managed to turn all eyes on the heir apparent of @@NAME@@ by asking what the domestic response would be if the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ heir married someone of the same sex.
1. "Are we not a nation where anyone, even a royal, is free to marry whomever they fancy?” asks homosexual news anchor Yoshi Dredd/@@RANDOMNAME@@, his/@@HIS@@ zeal so overwhelming that his/@@HIS@@ customary lisp has disappeared. “Our future ‘queen’ is as entitled to the right to marry someone of the same sex as any other Honeydewistanian! Imagine the royal wedding between the pair: both in dresses, arriving on a float, saying their vows and kissing while a thousand backup dancers perform in sync. It’ll be fabulous!”
2. “Go deeper,” demands Claudius Licorish/@@RANDOMNAME@@, a gay celebrity notable for being the parent of eleven adopted children. “If we truly want the royals to have the same rights as other @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@, we must include adopted children in the line of succession! It was a common practice among cultures of old, like with the Romulan emperors. My children are my actual children, and I’m just as real a parent as any other. Give us the same rights as everyone else.”
3. “Surely you would not want to risk a Bigtopian orphan sitting on the throne?” retorts the flamboyant yet straight mayor of @@CAPITAL@@, Alexander Dietrich de Loeffel-Pfeffel Johnsonson. “The foreign fiends have already thieved all of our jobs, and those fruity folks have taken over marriages. Now they’re reaching for our crown jewels as well? I say enough! We must keep the royal marriages traditional and native: a man and a woman, a royal with a royal, and a true @@DEMONYM@@ with a true @@DEMONYM@@.”
4. “The fairytale of ‘finding true love’ is meant for the common folk, not for individuals of our standing,” huffs a senior member of the royal family. “A royal should marry someone out of duty to family and state, someone with connections to other royal houses or notable families. I propose any matters of matrimony be arranged by our family alone, for the good of the realm. Our heir needs a suitable match, and I’ve heard that the House of Althaniq has one: an exotic jewel of great beauty, grace, and wealth. Think of the investmen... I mean, investiture!”
Alger wrote:if you have egoquotes in your signature, touch grass
by Rocain Founder » Tue Aug 16, 2022 2:49 pm
#1531 Fine Time
The Issue
After carelessly lighting several trees on fire while illegally camping in Barrysbad Caverns National Park, threatening some nearby children with violence if they “told on him,” declaring that zone of the park an independent tax haven, and branding you as a “fascist dictator,” local tycoon Jellon Mezos incurred a massive fine. Unfortunately this had little deterrent effect, as Mr. Mezos earns so much money that by the time the ink on the citation was dry he had already regained more than he lost.
The Debate
1. “This is absolutely preposterous!” yells your bad-tempered Minister of Justice Kristen McCarthy, as she throws darts at a photo of Mr. Mezos. “A working-class @@DEMONYM_NOUN@@ who received that ticket would have had to take out a second mortgage to pay it! Our current fines don’t affect these rich fat cats at all. I propose we make fines proportional to the income of the offender — maybe then Mr. Mezos and others would think twice before flagrantly violating our laws.”
2. “The law applies equally to everyone, right?” interjects Mr. Mezos, having bribed both your security and your receptionist to gain access to this meeting. “Sure, I’m loaded with cash, but that’s because I’m a job creator — my factories earned it for me fair and square! Punishing me more than others just because I’m not living paycheck-to-paycheck is literally discrimination! Come to think of it, you should introduce flat taxes, so that everyone pays the same tax rate as well. You don’t want to be prejudiced, do you?”
3. ?
4. “What I want to know is why we punish such heinous crimes by charging some pathetic sum!” growls Judge Quentin Sorin, better known as ‘The Merciless Magistrate.’ “The despicable deed of unlicensed camping in a national park is unpatriotic! It’s disgraceful, as are other crimes like talking back to a cop or not picking up after your @@ANIMAL@@. We should get rid of fining people, and bring back prisons for all of these miscreants! Maybe then we can actually get some law and order for once.”
by Honeydewistania » Tue Aug 16, 2022 3:42 pm
Alger wrote:if you have egoquotes in your signature, touch grass
by Trotterdam » Tue Aug 16, 2022 6:50 pm
#1531 Fine Time
The Issue
After carelessly lighting several trees on fire while illegally camping in Barrysbad Caverns National Park, threatening some nearby children with violence if they "told on him," declaring that zone of the park an independent tax haven, and branding you as a "fascist dictator," local tycoon Jellon Mezos incurred a massive fine. Unfortunately this had little deterrent effect, as Mr. Mezos earns so much money that by the time the ink on the citation was dry he had already regained more than he lost.
The Debate
1. "This is absolutely preposterous!" yells your bad-tempered Minister of Justice @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE/SHE@@ throws darts at a photo of Mr. Mezos. "A working-class @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ who received that ticket would have had to take out a second mortgage to pay it! Our current fines don't affect these rich fat cats at all. I propose we make fines proportional to the income of the offender — maybe then Mr. Mezos and others would think twice before flagrantly violating our laws."
2. "The law applies equally to everyone, right?" interjects Mr. Mezos, having bribed both your security and your receptionist to gain access to this meeting. "Sure, I'm loaded with cash, but that's because I'm a job creator — my factories earned it for me fair and square! Punishing me more than others just because I'm not living paycheck-to-paycheck is literally discrimination! Come to think of it, you should introduce flat taxes, so that everyone pays the same tax rate as well. You don't want to be prejudiced, do you?"
3. "What I want to know is why we punish such heinous crimes by charging some pathetic sum!" growls Judge @@RANDOMNAME@@, better known as 'The Merciless Magistrate.' "The despicable deed of unlicensed camping in a national park is unpatriotic! It's disgraceful, as are other crimes like talking back to a cop or not picking up after your @@ANIMAL@@. We should get rid of fining people, and lock them behind bars where they belong! Maybe then we can actually get some law and order for once."
4. "What I want to know is why we punish such heinous crimes by charging some pathetic sum!" growls Judge @@RANDOMNAME@@, better known as 'The Merciless Magistrate.' "The despicable deed of unlicensed camping in a national park is unpatriotic! It's disgraceful, as are other crimes like talking back to a cop or not picking up after your @@ANIMAL@@. We should get rid of fining people, and bring back prisons for all of these miscreants! Maybe then we can actually get some law and order for once."
Issue by West Barack and East Obama
Edited by Verdant Haven
by Valentine Z » Tue Aug 16, 2022 6:58 pm
♪ If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down ! ♪
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
(✿◠‿◠) ☆ \(^_^)/ ☆
♡ Issues Thread ♡ Photography Stuff ♡ Project: Save F7. ♡ Stats Analysis ♡
♡ The Sixty! ♡ Valentian Stories! ♡ Gwen's Adventures! ♡
• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.
by The Candy Of Bottles » Wed Aug 17, 2022 9:39 am
1,530- Absolutely Speechless
The Issue
Just when you thought you had a moment to relax, a delayed memo reaches your desk reminding you that you’re scheduled to deliver a speech on new organizational systems for the @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ National Archives barely half an hour from now. Ironically, your secretary seems to have misplaced the only copy of your prepared speech, and chaos has ensued.
The Debate
0.) “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what have I done?” spouts frazzled secretary Rex Carey, while frantically searching his desk for the lost document. “You can’t go out there without a speech! People are expecting you to say something, and you have to project an aura of always being ready!” He hurriedly grabs his son’s school essay from his bulletin board, peeling off the big gold star sticker before handing it to you. “Here, just read from this. It may be slightly off-topic, but at least it’s something... and hey, it got top marks in his junior forensics class!”
1.) “Now hold on a second! Are you really considering going out there with something written by a 10-year-old? It’s better to give no speech than a bad speech!” interjects Minister of Expecting the Unexpected, Aaron Hopkins, rapidly flipping through a binder of unusual situations and selecting an appropriate response. “Now I know it might look bad, but it says right here that all you have to do is tell the people about your lost speech. That will make them sympathize with you, and you’ll earn their support for telling them the truth! Honesty before image, right?”
2.) “From my years working the crowds, I can tell you that the people just want to have some fun. Nobody cares about that lame speech you planned anyway!” insists self-proclaimed ‘hype-lord’ Darya Perkins, dropping in unannounced from your vents. “You should go out there and say something that gets the people hootin’ and hollerin’ for more, that’s what always works. Speak off the cuff, no holds barred. Announce a new patriotic holiday or something! It’ll be lit, no cap!”
Issue by The Swinging Jungle of Baloo Kingdom
Edited by Verdant Haven
by New Imperial Britannia » Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:41 am
1529 - Duel of the Fates
The Issue
Blade in hand--never mind how it got there--you have found yourself in a duel with a person proclaiming themself Count Mount Crystal, falsely charged with high treason. The Count is clearly an expert, one who prepared for this day, and their furious strikes only push you further and further back as you barely manage to parry the blows. It is obvious the longer the fight goes on, the more exhaustion sets in: you know you won't be able to hold out much longer--until a particularly lucky side-step causes the Count to overreach, faltering, tripping, stumbling into your waiting defence...
The Debate
1. With weary arms, your sword almost seems to beg you: finish this. One good, swift strike and you can put this whole mess behind you. Off-balance and exposed, their right flank unarmoured, it would almost be easy to slip the blade up under their ribs and deal a mortal blow. It is not your responsibility to coddle this miscreant--the fight was the Count's decision, after all. They will only have themselves to blame as they feel your blade pierce their skin, when they draw their last breath and realise this was all for nought. Do not pretend they would not do the same to you in a heartbeat; their is no alternative but to take the Count's life.
2. [Didn't save the exact text, you push them instead of killing the Count.]
8000 words of unformatted pain
sub-par writing mixed with too many spy novels and a healthy dose of sleep deprivation
Most RP posts are on the Azure Watester Federation RMB.
NS stats were vaporized in a nuclear reactor.
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