[PASSED] Commend The Voice of ARB

[SherpDaWerp]

Bormiar handed this draft off to me a few weeks ago, although he remains co-author (the badge can go to whichever of his nations is alive when I submit).

We'd struggled to incorporate ARB's fantastic RP style into a proposal for some time, but I hope the essay-style format (inspired by Ara's Condemn Gholgoth and Honeydew's Declaration on Maxtopia) can help to capture more of the essence of ARB's playstyle. It was a fault of the last draft that we focused too heavily on the issues analysis aspect, while entirely neglecting the many interesting personalities ARB developed for their nations. I'm fully expecting there to be a lot to criticise here, I've already noticed some things that I could word better, but I want to get the draft out there rather than leaving it in limbo with Bormiar CTE'ing.

Worth noting that by my count we're basically on top of the 5000-character limit (5080 inc. bbcode). Also worth noting that I'm toeing the line of the rules in a few places, so I'll be seeking a legality check at some point.

Article I: The New South Hell Greater Co-Prosperity Sphere

The New South Hell Greater Co-Prosperity Sphere, often shortened to the Hellosphere - but more accurately named the ARBosphere - was an enigmatic aggregate of nations associated with New South Hell and all controlled by the mysterious entity known as ARB. Details about this entity are scarce, although we know that their primary seat of power was The Voice of ARB.

The ARBosphere contained nearly 400 nations, each with their own unique mission and citizens, spread across many regions including The Bad Place, Ulthar, Ideology Testing Inc. and more. While The Bad Place was the residence of some of the ARBosphere's most illustrious personalities, it was the complex geopolitics between the dogmatic nations of Ideology Testing Inc that gave rise to one of the ARBosphere's best works - an essay entitled with the region's name, describing, from a top-down level, the seventeen nations of the region and their interactions.

This essay was expanded and revised multiple times, and includes details on the informal agreements of the freedom-loving North; the Western bloc of progressive, modern havens; the devout, heavily-armed alliance of the East; and the terrible conflicts within and without the psychotic nations of the South; alongside the major issues the region faced, such as mass refugee exodus from the South, religious conflicts with the Psychotics, and disconcertingly widespread construction of WMDs.

Finally, any description of the ARBosphere would be incomplete without describing some of the more exotic nations it contained. Hypermom, a Mother Knows Best State in all but official classification, ruled by a well-meaning-if-overbearing parent with benevolent intentions; Lazy Faerie, a fuzzy-wuzzy state ruled by an ignominious godmother, somehow one of the nicest nations for a person to inhabit in The Bad Place; The Outer Satellites, a nation desiring nothing more than to advance humanity by terraforming barren moons in its home solar system; Badness Gracious, ambassador from The Bad Place to Ulthar, home to the pioneers of Spectral Theory (as we shall discuss soon); and of course, New South Hell, which, despite its facade of utter inhospitableness, somehow managed to be even worse than it appeared - but remains commendable for its punishment of only the worst of criminals.

Article II: Kindly Professor Hell and the Ideobots

Another excellent series of writings produced by the ARBosphere are the insights into the nature of our universe produced by scholars from Kindly Professor Hell and Badness Gracious, known formally as Spectral Theory. By quantifying a nation's ideological "themes" (e.g. "culture" or "generosity") and tracking them over time, these scholars were able to create a series of robots known as Ideobots, who were able to manage satellite states according to a predefined set of ideologically themed values.

Spectral Theory was one of the most in-depth projects undertaken by the nations of the ARBosphere, ongoing for no less than four years. In the course of the experiment, the ideological themes were refined many times, eventually ending up with a full thirty-six themes ranked at twenty different levels, and no less than fifty ideobots using the themes to manage vassal states. To perform the experiment, Professor Hell - the leader of the Spectral Theory research department, for whom Kindly Professor Hell was named - and his team had to painstakingly classify all three-hundred-odd common dilemmata of the time - including over a thousand individual choices.

Article III: Other Achievements of the ARBosphere

The ARBosphere encompassed a fantastic set of nations whose achievements are too complex and numerous to describe in just one document, and the many writings they produced are well worth the read. Nevertheless, here are some that bear specific notice:

• successfully negotiating peace after the Skeleton Army's numerous invasions of Ulthar and The Bad Place,
• hosting an excellent party, attended by the entire ARBosphere as well as several Ultharian regulars and catered to by - surprisingly - the Skeleton Army, as a celebration of New South Hell's third birthday,
• using the research conducted by Kindly Professor Hell to publish analyses on many other topics, including enhancing nation descriptions, reporting on newly-released national statistics, and explaining the frequency of dilemma reoccurrence.

Article IV: A Statement of Commendation

As recognition of a truly unique group of nations and all their varied achievements, the Security Council hereby Commends The Voice of ARB.

[Hulldom]

It cannot be stated how much I absolutely and utterly adore this.

I really don’t see much to improve on here, but given you do need to cut 80 characters, I don’t believe

It is worth noting that these experiments took place well before common World Census Bureau infrastructure for these tasks,

is particularly necessary.

The experiments are impressive on their own without the qualifier of the World Census’ infrastructure not being up to snuff yet.

[Anne of Cleves in TNP]

Support in principle.

[SherpDaWerp]

It cannot be stated how much I absolutely and utterly adore this.

Thanks for your kind words!

I really don’t see much to improve on here, but given you do need to cut 80 characters, I don’t believe

It is worth noting that these experiments took place well before common World Census Bureau infrastructure for these tasks,

is particularly necessary.

The experiments are impressive on their own without the qualifier of the World Census’ infrastructure not being up to snuff yet.

That line was carried over from previous drafts, to assuage Wallenburg's complaints that automatic nation management is "easy" (in modern times). With the reduced focus on the ideobots, I guess I can get away without including that line.

With some other word tweaks, we're now down to 4994 characters, including some extra elaboration in a few places, so I'm pretty happy with the draft now.
What's the process like for seeking a legality check? Just sit around and wait for Sedge et. al. to read this thread?

---

Support in principle.

Is there anything specific about the wording that I could change to help with your concerns?

[Hulldom]

I would also say, I don’t think you need to include the article headings unless you just want them. I like the idea of a coherent narrative, and I don’t think the headers are necessary.

[SherpDaWerp]

I would also say, I don’t think you need to include the article headings unless you just want them. I like the idea of a coherent narrative, and I don’t think the headers are necessary.

Personally, I like the separation of ideas that the headings give, and it's not like I'm over the limit at the moment. If I have to add more in for whatever reason, the headings might go (or at least, I'll have less than 4 of them), but for now I think they should stay.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

This may seem like a silly question Sherp, but are all the nations mentioned in the draft alts of the same main nation? Sorry, but I know absolutely nothing about the nominee.

The draft is interesting. I like the style - the story telling arc should satisfy a couple of players to whom every draft should be that way.

There’s a lot to unpack in this proposal, very detailed. But based on my first couple of read throughs you get my support.

[Honeydewistania]

This may seem like a silly question Sherp, but are all the nations mentioned in the draft alts of the same main nation? Sorry, but I know absolutely nothing about the nominee.

The draft is interesting. I like the style - the story telling arc should satisfy a couple of players to whom every draft should be that way.

There’s a lot to unpack in this proposal, very detailed. But based on my first couple of read throughs you get my support.

All the nations - except Sirocco of course - are to my knowledge alts of the guy.

[SherpDaWerp]

This may seem like a silly question Sherp, but are all the nations mentioned in the draft alts of the same main nation? Sorry, but I know absolutely nothing about the nominee.

All the nations - except Sirocco of course - are to my knowledge alts of the guy.

Correct, although now you mention it I'll try and make that a bit more obvious. Mentioning Sirocco especially doesn't add anything to the draft, and it muddies the waters when every other nation mentioned is part of the "ARBosphere".

EDIT: Cut mention of Sirocco and added in "all controlled by the mysterious entity known as ARB".

[Sedgistan]

What's the process like for seeking a legality check? Just sit around and wait for Sedge et. al. to read this thread?

viewtopic.php?p=38113783#p38113783

[SherpDaWerp]

What's the process like for seeking a legality check? Just sit around and wait for Sedge et. al. to read this thread?

viewtopic.php?p=38113783#p38113783

Right, well... I'd like a legality check, please. The specific areas I'm uncertain about are:

• paragraph 1 introducing "ARB" who controls a bunch of nations; is this IC enough to not hit 2b
• paragraph 5 references KPH's appointment as Issues Tech; does this hit 3a considering I'm not mentioning "actions taken as part of their role"

[Sedgistan]

Paragraph one is fine until you get to mentioning an "avatar", which sounds like more of a reference to a person(ality) than a nation.

Paragraph five is a problem, as you're citing their appointment to a staff role. You might not explicitly have said that's a reason for the Commendation, but it's implied.

It would perhaps be different if your point boiled down to "they did all this great work as a player until they were forced to stop it when they became a staff member", but what you have is "their work as a player was so good they got appointed to site staff to improve this stuff". You're using their staff appointment to reinforce your reasons for Commending.

[SherpDaWerp]

Paragraph one is fine until you get to mentioning an "avatar", which sounds like more of a reference to a person(ality) than a nation.

Paragraph five is a problem, as you're citing their appointment to a staff role. You might not explicitly have said that's a reason for the Commendation, but it's implied.

It would perhaps be different if your point boiled down to "they did all this great work as a player until they were forced to stop it when they became a staff member", but what you have is "their work as a player was so good they got appointed to site staff to improve this stuff". You're using their staff appointment to reinforce your reasons for Commending.

Alright, cheers.

For paragraph one, would it be ok to say "primary seat of power" (or similar, I'm not set on that exact wording)?

And for paragraph five, I feel like I could fairly easily re-word it to meet that directive, e.g. "These scholars' work on the refinement of Spectral Theory saw many of them recruited by the World Census Bureau for confidential work on national classification techniques, unfortunately resulting in the experiment's termination." Which is definitely a "forced-to-stop-when-became-staff" but it might still cross the line?

[SherpDaWerp]

I've made the first change, and completely cut the reference to KPH's Issues Tech role, as there's basically no way that can be legal in spirit (even if I somehow manage to tinker it to be legal-as-written).

[Sedgistan]

Whoops, I missed replying earlier. Without having re-read the proposal, what you've said you've done would solve the issues. I agree that getting any legal reference to the Issues Tech role is almost impossible, and best not attempted. (Also unnecessary, as it's his contributions as a player that are significant enough to warrant a Commendation, regardless of later staff role.)

[Guess and Check]

Love this.

Feedback:

The New South Hell Greater Co-Prosperity Sphere, - often shortened to the Hellosphere -but more accurately named the ARBosphere - was an enigmatic aggregate of nations associated with New South Hell and all controlled by the mysterious entity known as ARB. Details about this entity are scarce, although we know that their primary seat of power was The Voice of ARB.

I think you don't need the commas in the first sentence, from what I can see. Also don't really need "and all".

The ARBosphere contained nearly 400 nations, all eachwith their own unique mission and citizens, and wasspread across many regions including The Bad Place, Ulthar, Ideology Testing Inc. and more. While The Bad Place was the residence of some of the ARBosphere's most illustrious personalities, it was the complex geopolitics between the dogmatic nations of Ideology Testing Inc that gave rise to one of the ARBosphere's best works - an essay entitled with the region's name, describing, from a top-down level, the seventeen nations of the region and their interactions.

"each" may be a better word than and I don't think you need the second and.

This essay was expanded and revised multiple times, and includes details on the informal agreements of the freedom-loving North; the Western bloc of progressive, modern havens; the devout, heavily-armed alliance of the East; and the terrible conflicts within and without the psychotic nations of the South; alongside the major issues the region faced:such as mass refugee exodus from the South, religious conflicts with the Psychotics, and disconcertingly widespread construction of WMDs.

Colon may be best to avoid here considering the heavy usage of semi-colons, imo.

The ARBosphere encompassed a fantastic set of nations whose achievements are too complex and numerous to describe in just one document, and the many writings they produced are well worth the read. Nevertheless, there here are some that bear specific notice:

I feel "here" may be a bit of a better word.

[That Crazy Casbah Sound]

Hosseini stroked his chin. "Certainly a worthy nominee." he mused. "We are in support. Though we wonder why the need to abbreviate the ARBosphere as the Hellosphere in the beginning, when the Hellosphere is not used anywhere else in the text and is noted as less accurate. Also, 'Professor Hell and his team' could refer to the professor, but the similarities with the nation name Kindly Professor Hell may cause confusion. I'd suggest requesting otherworldly forces to weigh in on the use of the word 'his'."

[SherpDaWerp]

Whoops, I missed replying earlier. Without having re-read the proposal, what you've said you've done would solve the issues. I agree that getting any legal reference to the Issues Tech role is almost impossible, and best not attempted. (Also unnecessary, as it's his contributions as a player that are significant enough to warrant a Commendation, regardless of later staff role.)

No worries. It's unnecessary, yeah, but it's always fun to try and write in such a way that fundamentally OOC contributions to NS (like being staff and tweaking stats) sound IC. Oh well!

---

I think you don't need the commas in the first sentence, from what I can see. Also don't really need "and all".

The problem I have with removing the commas is then I have two appositive phrases right next to each other, with the same punctuation, which I'm not a huge fan of. And on point two, that was added to make it clearer that "all" nations mentioned are controlled by ARB, which was raised by BBD. I'm not completely sold on the words, but I don't really want to cut a clarifying point without reason.

"each" may be a better word than and I don't think you need the second and.

Done.

Colon may be best to avoid here considering the heavy usage of semi-colons, imo.

I'm a sucker for a good semi-colon. Also done.

I feel "here" may be a bit of a better word.

And done.

Cheers for the feedback!

---

Hosseini stroked his chin. "Certainly a worthy nominee." he mused. "We are in support. Though we wonder why the need to abbreviate the ARBosphere as the Hellosphere in the beginning, when the Hellosphere is not used anywhere else in the text and is noted as less accurate. Also, 'Professor Hell and his team' could refer to the professor, but the similarities with the nation name Kindly Professor Hell may cause confusion. I'd suggest requesting otherworldly forces to weigh in on the use of the word 'his'."

"Guah! I'd forgotten what it felt like to speak to another person!" exclaims the visibly unkempt SherpDaWerpian ambassador, tumbling out of a nearby broom cupboard, his nametag unfortunately obscured by layers of matted hair. "Certainly, those are valid concerns, but-" he pauses to stand and compose himself, and an aide hands him an ancient-looking scroll. "Ahem. As I'm told by the historical department, the most common term of the time was the Hellosphere, owing to Kindly Professor Hell and New South Hell's relative infamy among nations of the ARBosphere. Certainly, most writings of the time reference the Hellosphere, rather than the ARBosphere - for example, this very parchment!" He waves the scroll through the air. "It would be improper for the draft to go without any mention of the historic name, but we felt it would tie the commendation together much nicer if we mostly used the accurate name, considering it primarily honours ARB."

"And yes, the names are similar. As best we can glean, Professor Hell was such an instrumental person in the development of Spectral Theory, when a new breakaway nation was formed to keep the researchers better contained, it was given his name. Obviously you are correct that it seems eyebrow-raising, but there is a distinction to be made between Professor Hell the influential researcher, and the nation bearing his name - even though the nation primarily sponsored and published his research."

OOC: The "ARBosphere" is full of nations-as-characters and characters-as-nations. The most accurate comparison I can draw is probably modern GP IC, maybe? Anyway, that sort of IC doesn't mesh well with the SC rules or my writing style, so I've sorta translated it to nations with characters residing in them. The end result is that the character Professor Hell who "wrote" all the blog posts and performed all the experiments has to exist alongside the nation that bears his name. If you read any of the other posts I reference, the same style of nations-as-characters is pretty evident; for instance, the "excellent party" is full of dialogue between characters (who are also nations). Even the Ideobots were characters-as-nations, although they didn't see much use as such.

Hopefully the personal pronoun can fly here, because I am drawing a line between Professor Hell the character and talking about him and his scholars as distinct from the nation. I don't want to cut out mentioning Professor Hell (the character) in return for nameless researchers residing in Professor Hell (the nation), as the characters were part of the charm of ARB's RP.

[Cheesy Tots]

snip

All fair, and np!

[Howard P Lovecraft]

A handful of minor suggestions.

Hypermom, a Mother Knows Best State in all but name
Hypermom, a Mother Knows Best State in every respect
[“in all but name” would be saying “in all except the name”, whereas the intention is to say “in all including the name”]

one of the nicest nations for a person to live in The Bad Place
one of the nicest nations for a person to live in in The Bad Place

inhospitability
inhospitableness

pre-defined
predefined

ideologically thematic values
ideologically themed values

dilemmas
dilemmata
[scholarly style, so why not use this plural as a flourish]

successfully repelling the Skeleton Army's numerous invasions of Ulthar and The Bad Place,
successfully surrendering to the Skeleton Army's numerous invasions of Ulthar and The Bad Place,
[signing the thighbone of surrender was the gesture to receive beerquila and sticky ribs]

hosting an excellent party, attended by the entire ARBosphere as well as several Ultharian regulars and - to much surprise - the Skeleton Army, as a celebration of New South Hell's third birthday,
hosting an excellent party, attended by the entire ARBosphere as well as several Ultharian regulars and catered to by the Skeleton Army, as a celebration of New South Hell's third birthday,

[SherpDaWerp]

Hypermom, a Mother Knows Best State in all but name
Hypermom, a Mother Knows Best State in every respect
[“in all but name” would be saying “in all except the name”, whereas the intention is to say “in all including the name”]

I was trying to say the name of the classification, which, AFAICT, was a Corrupt Dictatorship or Father Knows Best State (but not a Mother Knows Best State): https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=98827. I've got the spare characters to say "in all but official classification" so I'll do that instead to make it clearer. (although, extra point, I'm not sure Hypermom predates the MKBS addition, so Hypermom might have been a MKBS at some point if it was a FKBS with the right pretitle/leader)

one of the nicest nations for a person to live in The Bad Place
one of the nicest nations for a person to live in in The Bad Place

I make a habit of avoiding double prepositions, so I'll go with "one of the nicest nations for a person to inhabit in The Bad Place".

successfully repelling the Skeleton Army's numerous invasions of Ulthar and The Bad Place,
successfully surrendering to the Skeleton Army's numerous invasions of Ulthar and The Bad Place,
[signing the thighbone of surrender was the gesture to receive beerquila and sticky ribs]

I'll go with "negotiating peace" just because I don't feel "surrender" is appropriate for a commendation.

hosting an excellent party, attended by the entire ARBosphere as well as several Ultharian regulars and - to much surprise - the Skeleton Army, as a celebration of New South Hell's third birthday,
hosting an excellent party, attended by the entire ARBosphere as well as several Ultharian regulars and catered to by the Skeleton Army, as a celebration of New South Hell's third birthday,

Added the catering bit, but kept the surprise, as they're sorta the "bad guy" in the previous dot point and I think that bears mention.

The rest are all done.

[SherpDaWerp]

If this draft is generally looking good, I'll try to submit in the next few days, to hopefully go to vote after Condemn Elysium Station II.

[Howard P Lovecraft]

AFAIK, looking good.

"in all but official classification"

Ah, now I get what it's referring to. Much better.

kept the surprise

Doubtful anyone was surprised that TSA showed up at a friend's party, but no big deal.

Good luck!

[Fachumonn]

Support!

[SherpDaWerp]

Submitted, with one additional phrase to clarify the KPH vs Professor Hell thingy.

Massive credit to Bormiar, who is unfortunately CTE and can't receive the official tagline in the resolution that he deserves.