Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation [OLD]

[Spartan Philidelphia]

A Friendly Welcome from the Highly Creative Folks at SPAAC
Also, a note: Don't use this one! It's old. We have a new one.

Founded by Luigi Mario, the Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation started out as a small chain of restaurants selling cheesesteaks.The company expanded slowly until its R&D department made an amazing leap forward on the road to understanding genetics. They created the delicious Cheese Cow, a cow whose beef is quite cheesey. Eventually, it was the largest producer of beef and cheese products in Spartan Philidelphia, and it was the 2nd largest chain restaurant as well. Soon, its founder, Luigi Mario, was able to expand the range of products to virtually almost anything. These days, SPAAC is one of the largest employers in Spartan Philidelphia and now sells a range of products over the entire world.

Hopefully, you remember our company's name, the Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation. Did you notice the "Almost Anything?" We cannot sell everything and one noticeable group of unsellable objects are things with the letter W in their name. This is due to technical difficulties and such. We cannot even sell the precious Cheese Cow. (Previously, we were able to overcome the barriers thanks to science, but as we all know, science is bad. We angered the wraith of some deity and now we are once again unable to sell it.)

So that's all... start buying. Also, since you seem so curious, there is no plan to replace [insert your nation's name here] with

[Updated paragraphs of information are loading on to the screen. This may take weeks or even months. Until then, enjoy this letter written to people who think they're being clever by not following thefucking rules.]

"i ordur w. llolozl"

So stealthy, so cunning. Silly noob!

From the Desk of Luigi Mario,
Founder, and Co-CEO of SPAAC,
Coincidentally, is also the Supreme Leader of Spartan Philidelphia

The Gold $tuff Di$count $ection
The gold color i$ $o that it'll be harder to read!
We will be abu$ing the dollar $ign if you did not notice yet.

5% DI$COUNT GET! for all of tho$e who take the time to use correct grammar and punctuation. Hurray!
If I $ay how I like your idea, you automatically get 1% di$count for all purcha$e$. Hurray!
If you merely a$k for a 1-2% di$count, you will receive it. Hurray!

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Base lick Lee.

You what N duff wout dubya?

Eyes Ave Zuff We Out Duh-be-ya.

Why are me mom-ney. Eves and Butter! Donut Wah eye err me mummies!

If you didn't understand the last one... When you do not wire me money, I penalty you, and get more money then what I would've originally gotten. Then all are happy.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Rules of the Shop

1. Can't sell you things with the letter W in their name.
   
   Explanation for the layperson (in layperson's terms, those who failed in reading comprehension):
   Apparently, Some don't understand this rule in the least. I have added this spoiler to explain it to them. NO W's. Which means selling the "Milky Way Galaxy" is off-limits, but nevertheless, you can always go for the next best thing and merely buy "the Galaxy that the planet Earth is located in." Any alternative names to the object you request do not matter as long as the name used has no W's.
2. Don't be stupid.
   
   1. See Gold $tuff Penalty $ection 1
3. Use Grammar. (Occasional mess-ups are forgiven.)
   
   1. See Gold $tuff Penalty $ection 2
4. Follow the Rules.
5. Follow the Rules.
6. Follow the Rules.
7. Follow the Rules.
   
   1. See Gold $tuff Penalty Section 3
   
   Gold $tuff Penalty $ection
   We will be abu$ing the dollar $ign a$ well.
   $ection 1 - Rule 1: Object reque$ted will not be $old.
   $ection 2 - Rule 2-3: Lower quality of reque$ted item($) Po$$ible banning, 200% penalty fee$.
   $ection 3 - Rule$ 4-7: 1000% Penalty (each)
   $ection 4 - Do not order thing$ that are fucking retarded extremely $tupid.
   $ection 5 - Follow the rule$.
   $ection 6 - Bribe me. (Hopefully, your attempt will be very chee$ey.)
   $ection 7 - Attempting to Undermine the $y$tem?
   $ection 7 - Part Aa: Any attempt$ to undermine the fortified $y$tem $hall be eliminated.
   $ection 7 - Part Ab: Any attempt$ to undermine the fortified $y$tem $hall fail.
   $ection 7 - Part Ac: All attempt$ to undermine the fortified $y$tem $hall not $ucceed.
   Section 7 - Part Ad: All attempt$ to undermine the fortified $y$tem is ungood.
   
   Recommendations of the Shop
   These are not real rules, but recommendations to make your stay here wonderful!
   
   1. Try to be as vague as possible, this will help improve the quality of the product
   2. Good Humor/Humour might help as well
   3. Follow the Rules
   4. There are hidden rules. You'll find them in these posts right here. LOOK FOR THEM NOW OR FACE THE PENALTIES!
   5. Eat healthy foods!
   6. BUY GRIFFINCREST! THEY'RE THE BEST!
   7. Join us in worshipping the Flying Spaghetti Monster
      
      May ye all be touched by His Noodly Appendage.
      
      The previous was brought to you by Mosey Rotini, the Captain of All Pirates in Spartan Philidelphia

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Favorite Things We've Ever Sold!
Items that don't remind me of pointless spam.

Cheese [Animals] - Tastiness. Now you don't have to add the cheese separately!
Cheese Berries - Cheese in the shape of berries grown from a plant. The outer layers protect the cheesey inner parts very well.
Hrape Berries - Berries that are a little larger than a grape, and don't grow in bunches. Each plant carries approximately 45 berries and it flowers once every year. There have been cases where the berries/flower(s) look vaguely like famous people and icons.

Things We Won't Sell
Imagination is good, but don't be stupid is Rule #2 right after "No Ws"

1. Objects in which include the letter W in their name.
2. No more stupid items.
3. Nothing Ultra-Powerful...
4. Weapons development department has been cut to a minimum, so try and avoid weapons.

[Justorica]

I would like one giant flying tank that is built to look like Rosie O'Donnell and Obama are having sex. I would like a blimp that looks the same too. I would also like a copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I would like one giant flying tank that is built to look like Rosie O'Donnell and Obama are having sex. I would like a blimp that looks the same too. I would also like a copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Sold a flying tank that looks like Rosie O'Donnell and Obama are in the Act of Commerce and the exact same thing except in the form of a blimp

Its not a very good tank, and it only looks vaguely like what you described; however, its the best we could do right now. Same thing for the blimp

Sold the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Of course, only the fictional book, and not the real Guide. We only have one copy of that., the real guide doesn't exist, and is too complex for us to make.

[Justorica]

I would like a white wrench that changes color when wateris poured on it, and then I want two white woman wombats that know how to walk and eat wheat.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I would like a white wrench that changes color when wateris poured on it, and then I want two white woman wombats that know how to walk and eat wheat.

Was that supposed to be a joke?

[Justorica]

I did it on your other SPAAC storefront before, why not break in the new one?

[Spartan Philidelphia]

People whine about me closing about me closing the shop for a couple renovations, and then they don't buy anything. What's the deal with that?

[Sorgan]

TO: Spartan Philadelphia.
FROM: The Universal Union ((OOC: A corporation Within Sorgan)
SUB:Iron Casting

We would like a Iron casted statue of a strong man wearing a toga holding a scale in on hand and a Parthenon style building. Please make sure that this is Greek style art.



Thank you.

Sincerly, The Board of The Universal Union Healthcare,Auto Insurance,And much more.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

TO: Spartan Philadelphia.
FROM: The Universal Union ((OOC: A corporation Within Sorgan)
SUB:Iron Casting

We would like a Iron casted statue of a strong man wearing a toga holding a scale in on hand and a Parthenon style building. Please make sure that this is Greek style art.



Thank you.

Sincerly, The Board of The Universal Union Healthcare,Auto Insurance,And much more.

Sold that stuff

As a bonus, we will put a Greek-styled marble monkey statue right next the strong man.

[Turkish Federation]

Hurray! Your new storefront is open!

We would like to buy your storefront for any cost.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Hurray! Your new storefront is open!

We would like to buy your storefront for any cost.

Just sign this here contract:

I, [insert name here] will pay 1,000,000,000infinityGold Stuff in order to buy SPAAC. We pledge that if we cannot sufficiently pay the for the company, we will pay the rest of it in nationally-owned stuff. If we cannot pay for the company in full by the end of 1 minute, SPAAC will be repossesed by Spartan Philidelphia. We will allow SPAAC to keep anything we've payed to them. The rest of the debt will be relinquished.

Signed:

[Sarrowquand]

The Grey Bureaucracy is interested in purchasing a 1:1 scale map of Sarrowquand, we would like a map of the world but recognise that despite the size it would probably be lost on delivery. Please include all details including buildings, wildlife and people. Also we will probably need the map to record its own location in Sarrowquand for maximum accuracy.

Grey (545,000) Director of the Bureau of Cartography

[Spartan Philidelphia]

The Grey Bureaucracy is interested in purchasing a 1:1 scale map of Sarrowquand, we would like a map of the world but recognise that despite the size it would probably be lost on delivery. Please include all details including buildings, wildlife and people. Also we will probably need the map to record its own location in Sarrowquand for maximum accuracy.

Grey (545,000) Director of the Bureau of Cartography

We are sorry for the inconvenience, but we could not understand what you are asking for. Please try again!

[Mandolore the Enraged]

I need impenetrable dalek soldiers

[Spartan Philidelphia]

I need impenetrable dalek soldiers

Sold 2 Dalek Soldiers

Equipped with impenetrable armor, although they can only function in temperatures between 69-75 Fahrenheit, and they have trouble using stairs. Their systems also seem to get a blue screen of death whenever they hit a solid/liquid surface at a speed of 10 mph (16.09 km/hr).

[Turkish Federation]

Hurray! Your new storefront is open!

We would like to buy your storefront for any cost.

Just sign this here contract:

I, The Republic of the Turkish Federation will pay 100,000,000,000infinityGold Stuff in order to buy SPAAC. We pledge that if we cannot sufficiently pay the for the company, we will pay the rest of it in nationally-owned stuff. If we cannot pay for the company in full by the end of 1 minute, SPAAC will be repossesed by Spartan Philidelphia. We will allow SPAAC to keep anything we've payed to them. The rest of the debt will be relinquished.

Signed: The Turkish Federation

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Contract Accepted

The Turkish Federation still owes: Infinity Gold Stuff
If you cannot pay us in a time span of 1 minute day, we will have to take SPAAC back. Also, we are sending over some people to discuss the land we will be taking from you. (We will be nice and extend the time of which you need to pay) The Turkish Federation now owns SPAAC and will take care of all deals and orders. for the next day.

Code: Select all

[quote="Turkish Federation"]I, The Republic of the Turkish Federation will pay 100,000,000,000[size=1]infinity[/size]Gold Stuff in order to buy SPAAC. We pledge that if we cannot sufficiently pay the for the company, we will pay the rest of it in nationally-owned stuff. If we cannot pay for the company in full by the end of 1 [strike]minute[/strike], SPAAC will be repossesed by Spartan Philidelphia. We will allow SPAAC to keep anything we've payed to them. The rest of the debt will be relinquished.

Signed: The Turkish Federation[/quote]

[Wutaco]

We need a nuclear missle.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

We need a nuclear missle.

We are sorry, but there is no such thing as a nuclear missle.

[Wutaco]

Nuclear Bomb than.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Sold a Nuclear Bomb

Modelled after one of the first nuclear bombs! (Picture is Actual Size(It might be a little smaller))

[Wutaco]

Very nice!