Placely Placington - WorldVision 100!
Tune: Komar and Melamid and Dave Soldier - The Most Unwanted Song
Long story short: Dave McDaverson, fresh from yet another failed bid, decides to send a 22-minute epic he had composed himself to the contest to celebrate its 100th edition. It was also Placely's 20th contest but that's not as important. No crazy-ass background RP or anything like that, this post is long enough without it.
Maroon - Television Director
Gold - Dave the Living DJ Booth
Blue - Dave McDaverson
Green - The Dave McDaverson Choir
After the postcard, everyone got ready for the song to begin. It was just a standard Placely entry, which was why no one was cheering for it and there only seemed to be a small spattering of applause, but either way they decided to go above and beyond. Anyway, on stage, there was Television Director, a random Test Subject from their WV87 entry standing behind him, Dave the Hobo sitting on a cardboard box while he used another cardboard box as a keyboard stand and Dave the Living DJ Booth who was just standing there with a couple of lights on.
Television Director said “It’s the one-hundredth contest.” to begin the song before we cut to behind the stage. There we saw pretty much everyone from Placely Placington with a wide array of instruments thrown all over with gay abandon, compared to how a normal orchestra would be where everyone had their own place depending on what they played. Which would make the likes of Chris Basset or Lewis Montclair wince. Worst of all, Chief President Man Dave McDaverson was conducting, except instead of a baton or his hands he was conducting with his gun. He wouldn’t even do the correct motions, he just flailed it around in a whole load of random and occasionally inappropriate directions. Anyway, Chief Economist strummed his fingers across the harp except he did it in such a way he ended up tearing off the strings by mistake. We then cut to Dave the Hobo pressing his fingers against the keyboard before he keyed in a different number combination before he pressed a different button. He then went back to playing it, except instead of it being an accordion sound it was a harmonica sound while a drum track made to represent hooves played. Why? I have no idea. Anyway, after a minute of that, Dave the Living DJ Booth played some MIDI drums and some samples while the orchestra started to play their instruments.
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah
And now it was time for the song proper to start. Television Director, who had been made to do this because Dave McDaverson thought he was the second best rapper in Placely Placington, started to move one of his arms and the appropriate hand in your stereotypical rapper fashion while his other hand just kept a tight grip on the microphone. Meanwhile the Test Subject behind him kept kicking him between the legs to activate his soprano button. Occasionally there were cuts to the orchestra but they weren’t always necessary because the backing screen was also showing the orchestra (at least from Dave McDaverson’s podium’s point of view). At one point there seemed to be a small group of bagpipes played by a few other WV87 Test Subjects.
Yo, us Placely peeps performing for all you folks live
Here at the city that’s hosting ninety five plus five
Hey ho! Dub Vee One Hundge!
Let’s rap to you about the WorldVision
And how it’s the best, yes
Oh yeah it’s great
Even if we’re coming in dead last place, a waste
We go “Hey ho!
We love WorldVision!”
Carrelie, StrayaRoos
Even Elejamie
They go “Hey ho!
Let’s go Placely!”
Hey, my haters
You can’t waste me!
After another brief harp solo, which was played while Chief Economist tried to plug the strings back in (much like he did in the last verse), it was time for a brief operatic bit with Dave the Hobo doing what he did at the beginning of the song again. Either way the Test Subject kicked Television Director in the soprano button while this was going on. When he was done, there was a crescendo of everyone blaring their instruments, Dave the Living DJ Booth’s sampled screaming in what appeared to be existential horror and Dave McDaverson waving his gun around, either because he was acting like an actual DJ or he was trying to paint a really hard to reach spot.
Soprano time
It’s a-time for the bridge now
World-vizh one hun-hundred
Soprano time
(End my misery)
Dave the Living DJ Booth
Will shout out some nations!
The camera then moved over to Dave the Living DJ Booth. After a close-up of him, it then did a couple of sweeping shots of him while a small group of horn players led by Melty played their instruments and Drummer Clone provided some backup drums with his stick-like hands. That’s pretty much this bit so let’s move on.
Help, WorldVision! End my pain please!
MCG, MCG
They won five times, three in a row
MCG, what a dream
Please can someone turn me off now?
This was then a flute interlude lead by Potassium Man with some bagpipes providing backup. However, he started to sweat during this bit and, as a result, caught fire with a gorgeous lilac flame. The sprinkler above him noticed this and immediately sprayed water all over him, which made the problem worse. By the time the solo ended he had turned into a pile of ash and died. Other than that, the same bit as the last verse happened.
Polky-land, Polky-land
They won ten times, that’s a record
Polky-land, they’re not bland
Please can someone turn me off now?
Now it was time for Melty to do a horn solo. His melting self just played the horn while he was joined by three banjos. Wynan Schitt played his while he tried and failed to hold back tears, Guitar Clone swayed his head in the other direction to prevent it from flying off his shoulders like the last time it happened and the overly muscular Test Subject played his with a facial expression like he was trying to snort his own nostrils. Oh and Dave the Hobo tried to play along but the batteries in his keyboard were dying so he’d have to fish some out of one of his boxes.
Either way, when that was over, it was time for Dave the Living DJ Booth to play his samples and drum beat again. They were supposed to say “Dave” again and again but he turned them into a cry for help. Dave McDaverson didn’t really care, he had just used his secret stash before the contest anyway.
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
And it was time for Television Director to rap again. And it was time for the Test Subject to repeatedly kick his soprano button again. Nothing else to note here really except someone’s phone seemed to go off towards the end of the verse. That and Dave the Hobo disappeared into the box he was sitting on and returned with a few AA batteries for his keyboard.
Here on the stage - It’s Placely Place-ton
To rap about the show called WorldVision
It’s a song contest that’s tonnes of fun
It’s fun for everyone and not just some
Placely Placington!
We’re rapping on stage
We’re showing off our skills, waiting for applause
Celebrating a so special song contest
Yes, that’s right, it’s WorldVision
One hundred, hundred!
It’s time for WorldVision one hundred!
During the instrumental break at the end of the last verse Dave the Hobo replaced the batteries with the fresh ones he fished out and then keyed in an organ sound. He played that while Television Director oversang and tried to show off his vocal talent at a time when it wasn’t really necessary. Much like that one Lithuanian entry everyone seems to like but I thought was pants, except he keeps somewhat in tune here.
WorldVision bridge time
It is an opera bit
Placely! Place-ton!
This bit is not right
Cien! Honderd!
Anyway, that segue aside, it’s time for Dave the Living DJ Booth to shout out some more nations starting with Talvezout. Nothing else to say really.
Talvezout, Talvezout
Sometimes strange stuff, sometimes mainstream
Talvezout, we love you
Can someone please turn me off now?
Wait, we’re not doing a bit of musical randomness, we’re going into some more shout outs? And a quickfire round too while Television Director keeps showing off? OK then.
(It’s one hundred…)
It’s time to clap and cheer
Because Tobu is performing
(One hundred)
Everyone move your feet
Ertzei Kishim is performing
(Dub vee ess cee!)
We’re gonna rock all night
Because Aenglide is performing
Please can someone turn me off now?
(I can’t believe it’s one hundred!)
And then straight on to another shout-out. Strangely enough to Britonisea despite Dave McDaverson slagging them and their entry off going into WV98. Maybe he still wanted to show he was sorry for E Oe getting nul points.
Britty-sea, Britty-sea
They’ve got VM, it always wins
Britty-sea, you’re supreme
Can someone please turn me off now?
A quick banjo solo while Dave McDaverson appeared to hambone with a gun in his hand. Surprisingly it didn’t go off. Oh and Melty provided some horn accompaniment. Wait, does anyone in this band know what a solo is? Oh well, have another rap verse.
We’re Placely! We’re the rappin’ gods!
Reppin’ all those who defy the odds, yeah
Crusty, ‘Boodle and SBI
And Vartugia can still mystify
Massive shout out to the IQQ
And to T-A-S ‘cause Placely loves you
Here at Placely, we love our mates
Why wouldn’t we? They make all the greats!
Now that his harp was fixed, Chief Economist can provide some more harp music while Television Director added some more filler and you, the reader, wonder why I bothered to literally write down the next bit the way I did whereas last time I just went with the standard lyrics you can find on any old lyrics site.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, WorldVision
Hundred! Hundred! Hundreeeeeeeeed!
Yeah, it’s the WorldVisioooon one, one hundreeeeeeeed!
Dub Vee Ess Cee
Hundreeeeeeeeeed! Hundred! Hun-hundreeeed! Hundreeeeeeeed!
Hundreeeeeed!
Wait, why’s Dave the Living DJ Booth now sounding like a cheap YMO rip-off? Oh well, have him pleading for the cessation of his existence before he goes into praising another entrant. Granted it’s one that didn’t really sign up for this edition and the thing they praised ended a while back for questionable reasons but still, while it happened it was still worthy of praise.
Please can someone help me? I’m in extreme pain!
Mister X, Mister X
Their long streak started at two-nine
Mister X, you’re the best
Can someone please turn me off now?
After this, we got a nice, relaxing accordion solo from Sports Bloke. Seriously, it actually sounds vaguely competent and calming. Unfortunately, a fly flew into the stage and started to make its way over to Drummer Clone. He tried swatting it away to no avail and eventually it landed on his drums. At that point he went into a hard solo just to try and squish it to no avail. It did, however, startle Melty who disappeared into his horn. The solo carried on before the same thing happened again, except with a bagpipe in the background. It happened one last time before Drummer Clone gave up (at which point the fly flew away anyway), Melty died because he got trapped in his mouthpiece and Sports Bloke eventually ended the solo.
OK, another lightning round of praise now.
(It’s WorldVision!)
Achaean Republic
Go and give them a ton of points!
(One hundred!)
Izmedu is playing
Go and give them a ton of points!
(Special contest!)
It’s time for Beepee now
Go and give them a ton of points!
Please can someone turn me off now?
Wow, we’re doing another one? Dave the living DJ Booth must be running out of steam now. After all he’s speeding up his music, presumably to get it over and done with. That and he tried to force an extra syllable when it wasn’t really necessary.
Nekoni, Nekoni
Sends some good rock and some dance stuff
Nekoni, good luck to thee
Please can someone turn me off now?
OK, last one now. For realsies.
Axuva, Axuva
Sends good tunes that we can’t describe
Axuva, you’re super
Please can someone turn me off now?
See, I told you. Anyway, back to Television Director being kicked in the button while he raps. Although towards the end Dave the Living DJ Booth gets downgraded into a hype machine so there’s that.
Alezia, Waisnor and Llalta
Sending some tunes that y’all really should oughta
Listen to because they’re great, really good
Scotatrova too, you really should
Adab, E-A, Kalosia
Rimmed baking sheet, we were missin’ ya
And Caryton too and all the rest
Can’t fit you in but you are all the best
Placely Placington!
(Help! Help!)
We’re singing songs!
(Help! Help!)
At WorldVision! (End my pain!)
After yet another harp solo and some bagpipe warm-ups, Dave the Hobo went back to playing his keyboard. He then played a slower version of the horse drums from earlier while the bagpipes blared, some horns played and Television Director did another soprano bit. Oh, and Dave the Living DJ Booth had another existential crisis.
Soprano time
It’s soprano time once again
Vote for Placely Place-ton
It’s time for the bridge
(Why do I exist?)
As we go to the next bit
I don’t know what it is
Yeah…
After that, what seemed to be a rejected MIDI for a Legend of Zelda rip-off (with some light orchestral backing) started to play. It doesn’t sound half-bad, actually. And then Dave McDaverson picked up the loudhailer next to him and started to speak into it. While the viewers at home had to watch the camera mainly focusing on him, the background screen was still concentrated on the orchestra with Dave McDaverson himself appearing in a small circle in the top left corner.
People!
This is the Placely Placingtonian entry for the one hundredth WorldVision
We hope that you have liked our song
It’s long so you can like it longer
We don’t know how long it lasts
Not too long now, just wait
However, after he finished that bit, Dave McDaverson had noticed that the megaphone had made his voice sound weird. However, rather than try and fix it like Dave the Hobo did with his keyboard, he decided to complain about it. Why? Because I had no ideas for this bit.
Why is my megaphone broken?
Why is my voice weird?
It makes my voice higher
And very weird
This is not my real voice!
This would continue…
Television Director!
What’s a Karen?
Someone tell me what a Karen is
Because I’m told that this makes me sound like one
I’m legitly [sic] confused
Can I please be told what the hell a Karen is right now or else no song?
Wait, someone told me they’re those people
Who like to complain to owners
And continue, although Television Director started to warm his vocals up because soon it would be time for the big ending. Indeed, before that started, the music cut out on Dave’s last line just to get everyone ready for it.
Can someone please fix this for me?
I don’t want to sound like someone with
A shit haircut and a massive ego!
Please fix! This! For! Me!
When the music came back on, everyone began to sing. Television Director, the Test Subject kicking him, Dave the Hobo, Dave the Living DJ Booth, the orchestra, everyone. Dave McDaverson wasn’t, he was busy trying to fix his megaphone. Which included smacking it.
Good luck to all
Those who compete
This is our song
Straight from Placely
And we all hope
You all have fun
Here at the contest
WorldVision!
The same as the last verse, except this time Dave McDaverson added some commentary of his own in between smacks of his megaphone. It clearly didn’t work. Either way, towards the end, Wynan Schitt cried out his eyes again as he played the banjo and everyone else tried to out-sing each other.
(Can you fix this?)
Good luck to all
(Can YOU fix this?)
Those who compete
(Someone fix this?)
This is our song
(This ain’t my voice!)
Straight from Placely
(I’ll give you stuff!)
And we all hope
(If you fix this!)
You all have fun
(I ain’t no Karen!)
Here at the contest
(Never mind)
WorldVisioooooooooooooooon!
There was one last “PARP” from a bagpipe somewhere. And that’s it, the song’s over. Dave McDaverson gently put his gun down on the podium but it still went off. Despite the fact that it didn’t have a clip inserted, a round chambered or even a firing pin installed. It burst through the backing screen (but fortunately didn’t break it) and everyone in its path easily managed to dodge it. Either way, while everyone on the front of the stage was bowing to the complete lack of applause, a giant piano fell out of the sky and squished the orchestra. The eagles must’ve been very upset.
Oh well, at least everything got fixed in time for the next entry. Meanwhile Placely's next one won’t be as long as this, don’t you fret.