[DRAFT] Pigging Around

[Nooooooooooooooo]

[desc]Last night after a summit with many world leaders, @@NAME@@ was put to shame and made the laughing stock of the modern world, because of your newly-appointed secretary’s pig-like behavior at the dinner table. After spilling a glass of wine, chewing with @@HIS@@ mouth open, and even attempting to woo the princess of Maxtopia, @@HE@@ was finally asked to leave the party. You have called a meeting of your finest and most chivalrous ministers to your office to discuss the issue.

[option] "Hey, I have an idea," suggests your Minister of Table Manners. "Why don't we simply enforce teaching good manners in all schools throughout @@NAME@@? Recent studies show that citizens who are more polite and well mannered are more productive to society later in life. Even you could study at a school like that. You can finally learn to not put your elbows on the table!" @@HE@@ suddenly barks at you.
[result] it is said that even the fleas of @@NAME@@ are civilized

[option] "@@LEADER@@, why not invite them to a fancy party here in @@CAPITAL@@?" states your Minister of Fancy Parties. "We can show them how civilized the @@TYPE@@ of @@NAME@@ really is and reclaim our nation’s respect from the world's nations. In fact, this will be the perfect time to use the invitation cards my mother-in-law gave me!" @@HE@@ then opens a pink-and-purple gift bag and starts rifling through it.
[result] foreign nations spend millions on traveling to @@CAPITAL@@ for @@LEADER@@'s fancy tea parties

[option] "Oh, come on," your Secretary whines, entering the room with a sewer-like stench. "I see no reason why I can’t just be myself. Back when I was a kid, this kind of behavior was the norm! We could act whatever we wanted at the table, as long as we finished our food. I say, let the children in our nation do what they prefer, without all these complicated rules!"
[result] children in @@NAME@@ are told they can do whatever they want

[option]"They said WHAT!?" shouts your Minister of Defence, @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ cleans @@HIS@@ sunglasses. "Why don't we march our army to the borders of those brutish nations and show them the might of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Army! Maybe that'll make them think twice before insulting this fine and elegant @@TYPE@@."
[result] dinner table squabbles lead to world wars

[Australian rePublic]

The description assumes that nation allows alochol

[The Orwell Society]

Nooooooooooooo, not another one of these issues

[Erynia and Draconia]

For the speaker descriptions on each option, I suggest dramatizing them a bit more, like for the Minister of Table Manners describe something they are doing while they're talking to you that is mannerly and classy, which makes the bark at the end more surprising.

Also, I feel like there's already an issue like this... something about a minister embarrassing himself on the international stage with bad manners or odd habits.

[Electrum]

For the speaker descriptions on each option, I suggest dramatizing them a bit more, like for the Minister of Table Manners describe something they are doing while they're talking to you that is mannerly and classy, which makes the bark at the end more surprising.

Also, I feel like there's already an issue like this... something about a minister embarrassing himself on the international stage with bad manners or odd habits.

I couldn't find any, other than 1084 which relates to etiquette and monarchy.

On to the issue:

I think this is a really interesting concept. Although one would resume that the foreign secretary would have some experience and training in etiquette. Anyways. From my standpoint it's a bit confusing as to whether the issue is addressing the lack of etiquette in particular with the secretary, or with the populace as a whole? Because none of the speakers even talks about the secretary or suggests a solution related to the secretary except for Option 3. The options are also light on humour and I'm not sold that Option 4 needs to be there.