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[CONTEST WINNER] Killing In The Name Of Beer

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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RedBrickLand
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Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

[CONTEST WINNER] Killing In The Name Of Beer

Postby RedBrickLand » Sat Jun 11, 2022 5:01 am

The third time's a charm... hopefully.
Please feel free to send as much feedback as possible. Thank you!
Also, if I submitted this draft just before you were about to give some feedback, that's unfortunate, but nothing I can do about it now.

TITLE:
Killing In The Name Of Beer

VALIDITY:
Prohibition, High Crime Rate, Adult(?)

DESCRIPTION:
After prohibition officially went into effect, gangs attempted to smuggle alcohol into the nation. As a result, battles
between gangs and the police have become a daily occurrence. Recently, in one such battle, multiple civilians were killed
in the crossfire. Afterward, there has been a massive outcry over the incident and a debate has sparked up over how to
stop the rising gang violence.

OPTION 1
"Won't somebody please think of the civilians?!", shouts anti-prohibitionist Helen Hatesad, who coincidentally looks like
a character from The Shrimp's Sons. "@@DEMONYM_PLURAL@@ are never safe when they walk out on the streets, and
prohibition is the cause of that. Prohibition has turned @@NAME@@ into a nation rampant with gang violence unsafe for
even its own citizens. The deaths of those poor, poor, innocent civilians are just proof of that, they're a wake-up call
for you to repeal prohibition to stop the gang violence. Innocent lives are at stake here, @@LEADER@@!"

EFFECT
roaming drunkards replace roaming gangsters in the streets.
(Possible) excessive drinking might cause violent tendencies, but roaming drunks say it's worth a shot.

OPTION 2
"Without prohibition, my screw-up son will be drinking booze all day... I can't let that happen!", worries
@@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Chief of Prohibition as @@HE@@ takes a deep breath, and then slams @@HIS@@ fists on
your desk. "Prohibition ain't the problem, it's the lack of funding. If we repeal prohibition, @@DEMONYM_PLURAL@@
would be even more at risk from drunk driving, liver intoxication, and drunk violence. Instead, we should be given
more resources, so we could actually stop gangs from smuggling alcohol AND stop the gang violence. How's that for
killing two birds with one stone?, or I guess more accurately, solving two issues with some more money."

EFFECT
funds to the police force never snooze when it comes to dealing with illicit booze.

OPTION 3
"If we want to stop the gang violence, we have to strike at the hearts of gangs!" interjects @@RANDOM_FEMALE_NAME@@,
a local teacher who managed to break down the door to your office. "The reason gangs are so powerful is that they recruit
young, vulnerable, and perhaps... dipsomaniac teenagers. We have to stop gangs from taking advantage of the youth. We
need progressive social policies in education and welfare, and a public awareness campaign to educate the youth about
the dangers of gangs and enemy number one, Mr. Alcohol. That way gangs won't even have the ability to cause so much violence!"

EFFECT
students are taught that gangs are evil... and alcohol consumption leads to spontaneous combustion.

OPTION 4
"You know, what if all this violence ain't so bad, eh?", whispers a mysterious man outside your window, who appears
to have an Ausonian accent and is wearing a trench coat. "I'm sure some people could even profit from all of this
violence, say, why don't you 'inspect' all the funds going to the police force? I mean, who's to say that they didn't kill
those civilians? And you know, since I'm such a charitable guy, I'll be sure to 'fill your pockets' once you're done with all
of this. Just remember, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, capisce?"

EFFECT
"charitable" donations suggest that leader is most in need in all of @@NAME@@.

TITLE:
Killing In The Name Of Beer

VALIDITY:
Prohibition, High Crime Rate, Adult(?)

DESCRIPTION:
After prohibition officially went into effect, gangs attempted to smuggle alcohol into the nation. As a result, battles between gangs and the police have become a daily occurrence. Recently, in one such battle, children were killed in the crossfire. Afterward, there has been a massive outcry over the incident and the public is blaming prohibition as the cause of the violence.

OPTION 1
"Won't somebody please think of the children?!", shouts anti-prohibitionist Helen Hatesad, who looks like a character from The Shrimp's Sons. "Children are never safe when they walk out on the streets and prohibition is the cause of it, and the deaths of those poor, poor children are just proof of that. Prohibition has turned @@NAME@@ into a nation of criminals unsafe for our children. The future of @@NAME@@ is at stake here, @@LEADER@@!"

EFFECT
roaming drunkards replace roaming gangsters in the streets.

OPTION 2
"Without prohibition, I'll lose my job... but that's just a hypothetical situation that won't happen", worries @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Chief of Prohibition as @@HE@@ takes a deep breath, and then slams @@HIS@@ fists on your desk."Prohibition ain't the problem, it's the lack of funding. How do you expect us to enforce laws without adequate funding? Huh?! If we were given enough funds, gangsters would never be able to smuggle alcohol into the nation and threaten the children of our nation!"

EFFECT
children playing basketball are constantly defended by bodyguards.

OPTION 3
"If we want to keep children safe, we have to strike at the hearts of gangs!" interjects @@RANDOM_FEMALE_NAME@@, a local teacher who managed to break into your office by breaking the door to your office. "If we want to weaken gangs, we have to stop delinquents from joining gangs in the first place. We need to instill a sense of disapproval towards gangs and alcohol consumption in today's youth. We need to do a huge public awareness campaign about the dangers of gangs and alcohol, maybe then those drunk gangsters wouldn't have the ability to threaten my students."

EFFECT
children joining clubs are shunned by their peers.

OPTION 4
"You know, what if all this violence ain't so bad, eh?", whispers a mysterious man outside your window, who appears to have a Sicilian accent and is wearing a trench coat. "I'm sure some people could even profit from all of this violence, say, why don't you "inspect" all the funds going to the police force. I mean, who's to say that they didn't kill those children? And you know, since I'm such a charitable guy, I'll be sure to "fill your pockets" once you're done with all of this. Just remember, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, capisce?"

EFFECT
"charity" donations suggest that the leader is most in need in all of @@NAME@@.
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Thu Jul 21, 2022 10:28 pm, edited 9 times in total.
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

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West Barack and East Obama
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby West Barack and East Obama » Tue Jun 14, 2022 2:17 am

I don’t really get how every option is just "think of the children!!" That bit just gets tiring after a while, and it’s not really necessary, as why is children getting killed matter? I think gang violence being more prevalent is good enough as a premise.
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Ruled by His Royal Highness, Most Venerable, His Most Serene Presence (among others) President Barack Horatio Obama of the Obama Dynasty.

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RedBrickLand
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Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Tue Jun 14, 2022 4:32 am

West Barack and East Obama wrote:I don’t really get how every option is just "think of the children!!" That bit just gets tiring after a while, and it’s not really necessary, as why is children getting killed matter? I think gang violence being more prevalent is good enough as a premise.


Thanks for the feedback. Also, good point. I think you're right that I may have drifted too much from the original premise I had in mind. I'll be sure to change the premise of the options to focus more on how to stop gang violence rather than how to protect children from gangs as soon as I can. Also, I did this to make sure my draft varied enough from existing issues about prohibition, but it's probably best if I focused more on stopping gang violence because as you said, it's already a good enough premise. Thanks!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

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Electrum
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Founded: Jan 20, 2013
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Postby Electrum » Tue Jun 14, 2022 7:05 am

This is some good, improved writing but the issue just juggles too many concepts. It's really confusing and it's unclear whether the issue is about whether or not you should do something about prohibition, gang violence, collateral damage...
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Australian rePublic
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Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Jun 14, 2022 7:29 am

The minister of prohibition won't lose his job, he'll just be reallocated to another position. However, many, many more bar tenders will actually gain employment
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RedBrickLand
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Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Tue Jun 14, 2022 8:53 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:The minister of prohibition won't lose his job, he'll just be reallocated to another position. However, many, many more bar tenders will actually gain employment


Thanks for the feedback, and good point. I'll keep that in mind in making the coming 2nd draft. Thanks!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Tue Jun 14, 2022 9:00 pm

Electrum wrote:This is some good, improved writing but the issue just juggles too many concepts. It's really confusing and it's unclear whether the issue is about whether or not you should do something about prohibition, gang violence, collateral damage...


Thanks for the feedback. I think I'll focus on one main concept, but still sprinkle in smaller concepts to add variation in the coming 2nd draft rather than, as you said, juggling many concepts at once. It'll be quite a challenge, but I'll try my best. Thanks!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Thu Jun 16, 2022 2:01 am

Finally finished the second draft. Thanks for all the suggestions!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Sun Jun 19, 2022 10:13 pm

/bump (This is warranted since this draft was no longer on the first page of the Got Issues? forum)
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
West Barack and East Obama
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Posts: 306
Founded: Apr 20, 2022
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby West Barack and East Obama » Mon Jun 20, 2022 12:36 am

"charity" donations -> "charitable" donations

I get the Sicily reference, but since it’s a real life place it probably won’t fly. Is there an NS Italy equivalent?

I think a joke/point could be made about allowing booze to replace gang violence will just result in drunken people getting violent
Official Account for the West Barack and East Obama Foreign Affairs Taskforce. Usually controlled by Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Dr Justin Obama, with additional contributions where stated.

Ruled by His Royal Highness, Most Venerable, His Most Serene Presence (among others) President Barack Horatio Obama of the Obama Dynasty.

First team to play in the ODI World Trophy with a legally blind player #progressive

For some reason has a whole department dedicated to commenting on WA proposals despite not being part of it.

Allies: Lozho
Enemies: Anyone who dissents against us


she/her

Proud Esportivan and Forestian

im problematic :/

Not actually an Obama fan in real life

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RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Mon Jun 20, 2022 2:00 am

West Barack and East Obama wrote:"charity" donations -> "charitable" donations

I get the Sicily reference, but since it’s a real life place it probably won’t fly. Is there an NS Italy equivalent?

I think a joke/point could be made about allowing booze to replace gang violence will just result in drunken people getting violent


Thanks for the feedback! Thanks for the grammatical help and noticing the Sicily reference. I don't know if there is an NS equivalent, but I'll try and find one in the list of nations mentioned in issues. Also, I'll try my best in including or at least mentioning a joke/point about how allowing booze could just result in drunken people getting violent. Thanks!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Mon Jun 20, 2022 10:50 pm

West Barack and East Obama wrote:
I get the Sicily reference, but since it’s a real life place it probably won’t fly. Is there an NS Italy equivalent?

I think a joke/point could be made about allowing booze to replace gang violence will just result in drunken people getting violent


Thanks for the feedback.
First, I found a possible NS equivalent of Italy, Ausonia, so I used it to replace Sicily. I found it from here(It's in the very bottom of the page), and, according to wikipedia, it is the ancient greek name for lower Italy, and extended poetically to all of Italy.
Second, I added a joke about how allowing booze might just result in drunk people getting violent in the possible effect of option 1, let me know what you think. Additionally, I also added a point about what you said in option 2.
Lastly, I added some other changes to the second draft.
Thanks! Also, asking for more feedback from everybody.
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Mon Jun 20, 2022 10:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
West Barack and East Obama
Envoy
 
Posts: 306
Founded: Apr 20, 2022
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby West Barack and East Obama » Mon Jun 20, 2022 10:56 pm

repal prohibition


Should be repeal

Also option 2 says the word 'funds' a lot. Maybe try substituting it with synonyms (e.g. solving two issues with more money!)

Otherwise, looks pretty good in my opinion.
Last edited by West Barack and East Obama on Mon Jun 20, 2022 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Official Account for the West Barack and East Obama Foreign Affairs Taskforce. Usually controlled by Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Dr Justin Obama, with additional contributions where stated.

Ruled by His Royal Highness, Most Venerable, His Most Serene Presence (among others) President Barack Horatio Obama of the Obama Dynasty.

First team to play in the ODI World Trophy with a legally blind player #progressive

For some reason has a whole department dedicated to commenting on WA proposals despite not being part of it.

Allies: Lozho
Enemies: Anyone who dissents against us


she/her

Proud Esportivan and Forestian

im problematic :/

Not actually an Obama fan in real life

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Mon Jun 20, 2022 11:03 pm

West Barack and East Obama wrote:
repal prohibition


Should be repeal

Also option 2 says the word 'funds' a lot. Maybe try substituting it with synonyms (e.g. solving two issues with more money!)

Otherwise, looks pretty good in my opinion.


Thanks a lot for the feedback! Also, I'm surprised with the quick response given how slow the forum usually moves. I'll fix these as soon as I can. Thank you so much!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
West Barack and East Obama
Envoy
 
Posts: 306
Founded: Apr 20, 2022
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby West Barack and East Obama » Mon Jun 20, 2022 11:14 pm

Well you caught me right as I logged online, so I immediately noticed (terminally online moment)
Official Account for the West Barack and East Obama Foreign Affairs Taskforce. Usually controlled by Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Dr Justin Obama, with additional contributions where stated.

Ruled by His Royal Highness, Most Venerable, His Most Serene Presence (among others) President Barack Horatio Obama of the Obama Dynasty.

First team to play in the ODI World Trophy with a legally blind player #progressive

For some reason has a whole department dedicated to commenting on WA proposals despite not being part of it.

Allies: Lozho
Enemies: Anyone who dissents against us


she/her

Proud Esportivan and Forestian

im problematic :/

Not actually an Obama fan in real life

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Thu Jun 23, 2022 2:16 am

/bump (This is warranted since this draft was no longer on the first page of the Got Issues? forum)
I'm still looking for more feedback and suggestions. Please feel free to share your honest feedback.
Also, which effect line of Option 1 is better? Thanks.
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Thu Jun 23, 2022 2:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Sun Jun 26, 2022 5:57 am

/bump (This is warranted since this draft was no longer on the first page of the Got Issues? forum)
I'm still looking for more feedback and suggestions. Please feel free to share your honest feedback.
Also, which effect line of Option 1 is better?
Also, if I don't get any more suggestions after this, I will make the last call for suggestions.
Thanks.
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Mon Jun 27, 2022 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Mon Jun 27, 2022 6:55 pm

It's the final countdown... (insert keyboard riff here)
Today is June 28th(for me) and time is running out fast.
I am going to make the last call for suggestions for this draft since the month of June is just about to end.
Also, yes, I will join the issue contest since there is no consequence for not joining.
I mean, why would I not join if I had a chance to win?
Plus, I might as well use my one entry rather than not using it.
Anyways, still looking for feedback.
Also, still asking for which effect line of option 1 is better?
If I don't receive anymore feedback, this issue will be submitted tomorrow(June 29th for me).
Thanks.
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
West Barack and East Obama
Envoy
 
Posts: 306
Founded: Apr 20, 2022
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby West Barack and East Obama » Fri Jul 01, 2022 1:21 am

Good luck with the submission
Official Account for the West Barack and East Obama Foreign Affairs Taskforce. Usually controlled by Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Dr Justin Obama, with additional contributions where stated.

Ruled by His Royal Highness, Most Venerable, His Most Serene Presence (among others) President Barack Horatio Obama of the Obama Dynasty.

First team to play in the ODI World Trophy with a legally blind player #progressive

For some reason has a whole department dedicated to commenting on WA proposals despite not being part of it.

Allies: Lozho
Enemies: Anyone who dissents against us


she/her

Proud Esportivan and Forestian

im problematic :/

Not actually an Obama fan in real life

User avatar
RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 124
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 2:12 am

Thanks for wishing me luck! Also, thanks for all the feedback you shared about this draft, thanks a lot!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

User avatar
Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 23624
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Jul 01, 2022 3:37 am

Good Luck!
Sign the Petition: https://www.change.org/p/the-australian ... anny-state
From Greek Ancestry Orthodox Christian
18 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
In-Character posts made by this fictious account do not reflect the actions of any real world government


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