TITLE:
Major League Migrants
VALIDITY:
no sports, immigration allowed
DESCRIPTION:
Shockingly, despite your honest intentions, @@NAME@@’s ban on sports has not been universally beloved. A coalition of immigrants, expats, foreign nationals, and dual citizens, interpreting the prohibition as a thinly-veiled attack on their way of life, have come together to vehemently protest such legislation.
OPTION 1
“This is an outrage!” roars @@RANDOMNAME@@, a first-generation immigrant from Ausblic, who invited @@HIM@@self to one of your Cabinet meetings. “Calvinball is a staple of Ausblic’s culture, it’s been played for generations! I tell you, this sports ban is nothing more than cultural racism. If you care even a lick about the well-being of minorities in @@NAME@@, you must fix this atrocity at once!”
OUTCOME:
The nation’s streets are filled with foreigners playing every game under the sun.
OPTION 2
“While I disagree with @@HIS@@ reasoning, @@HE@@ has quite a good point,” chimes in @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Finance. “While they were legal, sports made up a significant portion of @@DEMONYM@@ tax revenue, and without them, we’re having considerable difficulty balancing the national budget. I suggest we immediately reinstate athletic activities, albeit with a modest tax hike.”
OUTCOME:
@@DEMONYM@@ coaches can empty the bench only once they empty their wallets.
OPTION 3
“That simply will not do,” interjects your Minister of Education, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Have we already forgotten why we banned sports in the first place? Such physical contests encourage brawn over brains, growing a generation of mindless brutes. We should be investing in more intellectual pursuits instead, like chess.”
OUTCOME:
It’s checkmate for sports in @@NAME@@.
OPTION 4
“How could those vile aliens dare to question @@LEADER@@’s pristine judgment?” mutters one of your security guards under their breath. “We should deport them all, and do whatever it takes to keep them out of @@NAME@@ for good.”
OUTCOME:
@@NAME@@ is building a great wall with athletes paying the price.
OPTION 5
“SILENCE YOU BICKERING MAGGOTS!” bellows your Minister of Defense, @@RANDOMNAME@@, a former drill sergeant. “I have a solution that will make every one of you nincompoops happy. If anyone wants to play sports, send them to the military, we’ll put their athleticism and skills to good use… Blowing our enemies to smithereens.”
OUTCOME:
The @@DEMONYM@@ military plays baseball with live grenades.
