[PASSED] Condemn Gholgoth

[Zukchiva]

good luck owo

[Fenwick Foundation]

"Don't you mean Commend Gholgoth?" says George Fenwick, appearing by videolink from the World Slavery Conference.

IC: Oh heavens no. What part of Gholgoth is worth commendation? Did you read the proposal? Did you read the terrifying acts of slavery and murder and war crimes that members of Gholgoth have committed? They are a terrifying region of singularly evil people. I well intended my condemnation.

"Strange, I read the whole thing and thought it all perfectly deserving of commendation."

[Thousand Branches]

IC: Oh heavens no. What part of Gholgoth is worth commendation? Did you read the proposal? Did you read the terrifying acts of slavery and murder and war crimes that members of Gholgoth have committed? They are a terrifying region of singularly evil people. I well intended my condemnation.

"Strange, I read the whole thing and thought it all perfectly deserving of commendation."

IC: Ah… I forgot who I was speaking to for a moment. I don’t take opinions from slavers as a rule.

[Fachumonn]

This has been approved.

[Wallenburg]

I'm not really feeling the narrative format, even if it is well-written. I don't imagine you're entertaining a more legislative tone?

The personality cult of Caesar Silvier Catherina Silvanus IV in Kylarnatia has reached such heights that it requires non-state religions to be permitted to practice by law - a direct opposition to religious freedom.

This seems an odd inclusion. Requiring religious tolerance from the state doesn't seem like opposition to religious freedom at all.

[Thousand Branches]

I'm not really feeling the narrative format, even if it is well-written. I don't imagine you're entertaining a more legislative tone?

The personality cult of Caesar Silvier Catherina Silvanus IV in Kylarnatia has reached such heights that it requires non-state religions to be permitted to practice by law - a direct opposition to religious freedom.

This seems an odd inclusion. Requiring religious tolerance from the state doesn't seem like opposition to religious freedom at all.

Yeah I’m not likely to change the format. It’s my style and I’m cool with that. Dw I doubt I’ll be doing it again

Yeah uh that bit was worded very badly I apologize. It was meant to depict the fact that in Kylarnatia, religions that are not the state religion must be specifically permitted by a government body before they’re legally allowed to practice, and afaik, said body has refused religions in the past. It’s technically not a wrong way to word it but the way I wrote it does have a pretty dumb double meaning. I don’t think it’s too heinous of a mistake though.

[Jutsa]

Oh my god.


Now this...


this is beautiful.


One of those times I wish NS had a crying emoji because this is honestly a work of art and I sincerely applaud you for it.

[Non-Exploding Cupcake]

a RP condemnation needs RP posts, so here, I guess

Somewhere in the North Pacific

"As you can see, Your Excellency, we have a strong case here," said Leon McAllister impatiently. "Now if you could—"

"Eh, whazzat? Speak up, young man!" said Sir S——, his voice somewhere between horse and squeaky barn door in timbre. "Doesn't anyone teach young 'uns not to mumble these days?"

Leon, who was fifty-seven, forbore from commenting. "Security Council resolution, Sir," he said, a trifle more loudly. "To condemn Gholgoth."

Sir S—— rose to his feet, groaning like an old staircase, and began the laborious effort of shuffling from his armchair to his desk chair. No one knew exactly what Sir S——'s real name was at this point; the rumour was that his parents, sometime in the early years of the last century, had only given him an initial rather than a full name in order to appear more high-class, but he always loudly insisted this was a lie and he simply couldn't remember his full name at the exact moment. It would come to him, he said. "Gholgoth, eh? Never liked 'em," he announced. "Buncha stuck-up, high and mighty upstarts, if you ask me. Living it up in their underwater bubble while the rest of us are stuck on dry land..."

"Er, I don't..." Leon coughed. "...believe that's it, Excellency. The Underwater Bubble was somewhat, er, earlier."

Sir S—— stopped in the midst of his epic journey across the stateroom to peer at Leon from under eyebrows that were bushy enough to qualify as ecosystems. "Oh? Who are they, then?"

"You know," said Leon helplessly. "Gholgoth Regional Alliance. Automagfreek, Crimmond, Pantera, the Kraven Reich, Parthia... those people."

"And tell me, young man," said Sir S—— thoughtfully, "was this... before or after Morgoth and that whole business with Arda?"

"Definitely after," said Leon. "Significantly after."

Sir S—— resumed his slow progress towards the desk chair, still lost in thought. "Weeelll-llll, if the Security Council is condemning them," he said, finally, "they must be quite low-class people, don't you think?"

Leon sighed. "We don't know if they are yet. That's why I'm bringing this to you, as our voting representative. Excellency."

"Me?" Sir S—— attempted something that may have been a chuckle. He had reached the corner of his desk by this point. "Oh, I am not our representative to the United Na—" Leon coughed. "—World Assembly," repeated Sir S——. "Not at all."

"This is the office of our World Assembly representative, Sir," said Leon. "Your name plate is on the door. You have voted on every past World Assembly resolution for the last—" three hundred years, approximately "—several years or so, Excellency. I'm afraid—"

"You telling me I'm wrong? I know my job, young man," said Sir S——, his voice now impatient. "I am Secretary to the U.N. Ambassador." (Leon chose not to acknowledge the mistake this time.) "Who is right here." And from somewhere out of sight on the other side of the desk, he produced a small plate, containing a single cupcake.

For a moment Leon was not entirely sure what he was looking at. That wasn't completely true: he was definitely sure that he was looking at a cupcake. It appeared to be vanilla in flavour, with pink frosting (or maybe icing?), in a fluted tinfoil baking cup. What he was not sure about was if Sir S—— had always been insane, or if he had discovered the joys of that state of being late in life, as a form of inner emigration from the stresses of the World Assembly.

"That's lovely, Sir," said Leon, making his voice as soothing as possible, reaching for the cupcake. "Now if you could just tell me—"

"Don't touch that. You don't know where it's been," said Sir S—— sharply, smacking Leon's hand away with a rapidity completely out of keeping with his walking pace, which was slightly slower than that of the average mountain.

"Um—" said Leon.

"As I was saying. The cupcake makes the decisions. I just relay 'em." Sir S—— peered at the cupcake for a moment. "Damned odd system, I have to say, but it's always worked for us."

Leon noticed now for the first time that attached to the foil baking cup was a sticky note. The sticky note read, in strong masculine handwriting very unlike either his or Sir S——'s, Guaranteed To Contain No High Explosives!!!. The No had been underlined five times. He also noticed, for the first time, a faint chemical smell. And, indeed, that the cupcake seemed slightly too large to be a proper cupcake. Almost muffin-sized, really. He was suddenly very glad that Sir S—— had slapped his hand away before he could touch the thing.

"Er, right," said Leon, scanning the room to make sure he had an unobstructed route to the nearest exit. "And how does the, the, er, cupcake, want to vote on 'Condemn Gholgoth'?"

"No, no," said Sir S—— impatiently. "Not like that, young man. You're hopeless. Ahem." And then, in a much more formal, almost bearable tone of voice: "Cupcake, for Security Council Resolution 'Condemn Gholgoth'.... if you want to vote no, please explode. If you want to vote yes, please don't explode."

There were twenty seconds of absolute silence. Leon was afraid to breathe. It occurred to him that if the cupcake did explode, those would have been absolutely terrible last words, and he was in the process of working out something sufficiently heroic and nonchalant to say instead when Sir S—— abruptly relaxed.

"Well, that's it," he said. "We vote yes."

Leon felt very stupid.

"Sir S——? What exactly would we have done if it had, well, exploded?"

Sir S—— stared at him uncomprehendingly. "Voted no, of course. Do I have to tell you everything?"

[West Barack and East Obama]

Dr Justin Obama, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs: We are opposed to this resolution. Gholgoth sounds like a region that aligns strongly with our ideals at West Barack and East Obama. Or as my nephew would say, 'based'. We refuse to condemn such a 'based' region. We should be applauding them instead!

[Oilanzandia]

IC: Oh heavens no. What part of Gholgoth is worth commendation? Did you read the proposal? Did you read the terrifying acts of slavery and murder and war crimes that members of Gholgoth have committed? They are a terrifying region of singularly evil people. I well intended my condemnation.

"Strange, I read the whole thing and thought it all perfectly deserving of commendation."

What part of the proposal do you even think means commending?

[Fenwick Foundation]

"Strange, I read the whole thing and thought it all perfectly deserving of commendation."

What part of the proposal do you even think means commending?

"All of it."

[Fachumonn]

The Libertarian Socialist Confederation has voted FOR this resolution.

[Vaiehan]

Oh, and they also sport quite possibly the largest military known to man.

I would rephrase this just to start with "They". I think this current wording undermines the tone a bit.

But big ups to what Malphe said. Aramantha, this is incredible. Every time I think you can't outdo yourself you tear down that illusion.

I agree with you about the “Oh, and” undermining the tone.

[PokemonGirl]

Dr Justin Obama, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs: We are opposed to this resolution. Gholgoth sounds like a region that aligns strongly with our ideals at West Barack and East Obama. Or as my nephew would say, 'based'. We refuse to condemn such a 'based' region. We should be applauding them instead!

My thoughts exactly lol

[Thousand Branches]

Condemn Gholgoth was passed 12,586 votes to 2,649.

[Outer Sparta]

Congrats to Gholgoth for the condemnation and Thousand Branches for the amazingly-written resolution!

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Congrats to Gholgoth for the condemnation and Thousand Branches for the amazingly-written resolution!

What Sparta said! Well done!

[Fachumonn]

Congrats!

[Team Leo]

Congrats to Gholgoth for the condemnation and Thousand Branches for the amazingly-written resolution!

What Sparta said! Well done!

I could do better!

[Fachumonn]

What Sparta said! Well done!

I could do better!

I don't even think I have to say something.

[Morover]

Apologies for the slight bump, but as my activity ebbs and flows, I sometimes come back to really incredible resolutions having been passed. This was an incredible break from the status quo and I hope to see similar breaks going forth. Great job, Thousand Branches, this one really is one for the books.