NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Umbratellus]

Oh I remember seeing the drafting of that issue. I hope they included the endless loop for the last issue.

[Rocain Founder]

Background: Here are some previous posts on issues #1378 and #1380:

post 1
post 2
post 3

It remains a mystery what triggers a nation to be presented the first set or the second set of options of #1378. It is known that the first set leads to issue #1379, in which the East Lebatuck fleet turns around and that the second set leads to #1380, in which that fleet attacks.

I now have four puppets which have received this issue chain and made it to #1378. 2 of them received the first set of options (and proceeded to #1379) and 2 received the second set (and proceeded to #1380). Here are their histories in the chain prior to receiving issue #1378. The first two ended up in #1379 and the second two in #1380.

Cain G LoS Stm v0: 1375:5, 1376:1, 1377:2

Cain G LoL Anr v0: 1375:5, 1376:1, 1377:1

Cain B O-Cs v0: 1375:1, 1376:1, 1377:2

Cain G HiT Rfj v0: 1375:1, 1376:1, 1377:1

This data suggests that if the decision of which set of options for #1378 is to be presented on based on earlier actions in the chain, then the relevant issue must be #1375, with option 5 taking one to #1379, and option 1 taking one to #1380.

Notes: I have no nations which chose option 3 and made it to issue #1378, so there is no data there. Issue #1376 is not relevant, as choosing option 2 means you will not get #1378 at all. And issue #1377 cannot be decisive, as both options for this issue were chosen on both paths.

It has also been suggested that the decision is based on something external to the chain. This could well be. I believe that the decision must have been made at the latest by #1377, and possibly earlier. I picked four stats that seemed like they might have something to do with East Lebatuck's decision in #1379/#1380. These were Patriotism, Defense Forces, Rudeness and Intelligence. The Patriotism, Rudeness and Intelligence stats showed no visible correlation with the #1379/#1380 choice. Defense Forces showed a possible correlation. The two nations that got #1379 (East Lebatuck ships turned around) has stronger Defense Forces (according to the stats after #1377 was answered) than those that got #1380, though Cain G HiT Rrj v0's stat was closer to the two #1379-choosing nations stats than to those for the other nation that got #1380. Logically speaking, lower military strength of the capitalist forces could reasonably cause East Lebatuck to attack, while stronger forces might cause it to choose the path of safety.

More data points are clearly needed, but I can't control when or where I get this chain, and most of my puppets are constrained in how they answer it. (About 40% of them dismiss all the chains.)

I also note that there are lots of stats, and maybe I'm not looking at the right ones. If readers of this post have suggestions for other stats it would be good to check on for these four nations (at the time of getting #1377), I'll be happy to do so.

[Paffnia]

I have answered the following sequences on puppets, and every one led to #1379. Unfortunately, I didn't record stats, and it's been a long time since then.

#1375.1; #1376.1; #1377.1; #1378.1
#1375.1; #1376.1; #1377.3; #1378.2
#1375.3; #1376.1; #1377.1; #1378.2
#1375.3; #1376.1; #1377.2; #1378.1
#1375.3; #1376.1; #1377.3; #1378.1
#1375.5; #1376.1; #1377.1; #1378.2
#1375.5; #1376.1; #1377.3; #1378.2

[Rocain Founder]

I have answered the following sequences on puppets, and every one led to #1379. Unfortunately, I didn't record stats, and it's been a long time since then.

#1375.1; #1376.1; #1377.1; #1378.1
#1375.1; #1376.1; #1377.3; #1378.2
#1375.3; #1376.1; #1377.1; #1378.2
#1375.3; #1376.1; #1377.2; #1378.1
#1375.3; #1376.1; #1377.3; #1378.1
#1375.5; #1376.1; #1377.1; #1378.2
#1375.5; #1376.1; #1377.3; #1378.2

Thanks. I consider this a complete refutation of the possibility that it has something to do with responses to previous issues in the chain. It MUST be the result of something external to the chain.

[The First Congratulatory Union]

Hi, Jutsa here; just got issue #1505 on this alt along with option 3 (internally marked as "2"). I also have all other options, including option 4. Given Giovanniland has socialism, I suspect this is an option specific to nations with capitalism.

#1505.3:

“No way,” decries Arms Manufacturing spokesperson Arthur Nimoy, as he quickly attempts to delete the browser history on his laptop. “I’m sick of Big Government wasting our tax money and regulating every minute of our lives. Government websites should just redirect people to the vastly superior options that are available from the private sector — and don’t you dare interfere with private websites if you value free speech! Without the need for an army of government IT dorks, us ordinary citizens should be able to get a decent tax cut.”

I imagine Arthur Nimoy is random, but I'm bad with references so who knows. ;p

[The Candy Of Bottles]

Hi, Jutsa here; just got issue #1505 on this alt along with option 3 (internally marked as "2"). I also have all other options, including option 4. Given Giovanniland has socialism, I suspect this is an option specific to nations with capitalism.

#1505.3:

“No way,” decries Arms Manufacturing spokesperson Arthur Nimoy, as he quickly attempts to delete the browser history on his laptop. “I’m sick of Big Government wasting our tax money and regulating every minute of our lives. Government websites should just redirect people to the vastly superior options that are available from the private sector — and don’t you dare interfere with private websites if you value free speech! Without the need for an army of government IT dorks, us ordinary citizens should be able to get a decent tax cut.”

I imagine Arthur Nimoy is random, but I'm bad with references so who knows. ;p

Could be a reference to Leonard Nimoy, the guy who played Spock. The last name matches at least, but it could just be in the random list for all I know.

[Trotterdam]

If a name appears to be a "reference" to someone who has no actual relationship to what's being discussed in the issue, that's a good sign that it's random.

[Rocain Founder]

Option 2 of the spoiled issue #766 is preceded by a [?], which I suppose is intended to indicate that there is something questionable about this spoiled option. In fact, there are two questionable aspects here. My puppet Cain A C-S Sc v1 just received this issue with option 1 not present, and with the text of option 2 differing very slightly from the spoiled version of the option.

Here is the full text of option 2, with the part that is different from the spoiled option 1 (and the currently spoiled option 2) underlined.

“Well, we always knew this day would come,” laments renowned industry manager @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The important thing now is to ensure that the most industry-friendly option is pursued. If we hook ourselves up to one of the established cap-and-trade systems, we can go shopping in the backwater signatory states and buy enough permits to allow @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ companies to continue producing at their current rates. Our industry won’t technically reduce their emissions, but it’s an ‘international’ treaty, right?”

It's pretty clear that option 2 is in fact a doppelganger of option 1, and that you will only get one or the other. Further, it is pretty clear that option 1 is for nations with private industry, and option 2 for those without. Cain A C-S Sc v1 is as socialist as they come, so this fits.

[Fhaengshia]

Found a new one :-)

#1508: Kicking Out the Competition [Mertagne; ed: Electrum]

The Issue

The top clubs in the nation’s %%ANIMAL%%ball League have expressed interest in leaving the domestic competition to join the closed, elite %%REGION%% %%ANIMAL%%ball Super League instead. %%ANIMAL%%ball fans are worried that the state of competition in %%NATION%% will suffer as a result.

The Debate

1. “Fans. Before. Funds.” gasps %%ANIMAL%%ball fan Edward Bonaparte, putting his vuvuzela down after blowing it between each word. “Any plucky team should have the chance to compete against the best through gumption and a love of the sport. Our teams shouldn’t be denied this chance just because the filthy rich teams want to run off to the Super League to schmooze with the elites. They should remain where they are. Come on, ref!”


2. “This is the invisible boot of the free market at work!” says Katniss Han, the owner of Athletico %%CAPITAL%% who’s been too busy to attend her own team’s matches for over two years. “The opportunities are endless. Television rights, tourists flocking to our shiny new stadiums, the exposure of our players across %%REGION%%! Besides, what would you rather watch? Athletico beating the Tumbleweed Minnows into a pulp or Athletico squaring off against the likes of Foxchester United in a weekly, televised spectacle? I know which one I’d choose.”


3. “If you ask me, there’s a better way,” claims your groundskeeper, a connoisseur of obscure sports. “I’ve seen gridiron played over in the United Federation where the worst teams get the best rookies from a draft system. Picks, fair and simple, just like how I choose the flowers for your garden each year. Why not enforce that system here? It’d certainly level the playing field and remove all the exclusivity and unlimited money surrounding the established teams.”

edits for macros

[Outer Sparta]

Found a new one :-)

#1508: Kicking Out the Competition [Mertagne; ed: Electrum]

The Issue

The top clubs in the nation’s %%ANIMAL%%ball League have expressed interest in leaving the domestic competition to join the closed, elite %%REGION%% %%ANIMAL%%ball Super League instead. %%ANIMAL%%ball fans are worried that the state of competition in %%NATION%% will suffer as a result.

The Debate

1. “Fans. Before. Funds.” gasps %%ANIMAL%%ball fan Edward Bonaparte, putting his vuvuzela down after blowing it between each word. “Any plucky team should have the chance to compete against the best through gumption and a love of the sport. Our teams shouldn’t be denied this chance just because the filthy rich teams want to run off to the Super League to schmooze with the elites. They should remain where they are. Come on, ref!”


2. “This is the invisible boot of the free market at work!” says Katniss Han, the owner of Athletico %%CAPITAL%% who’s been too busy to attend her own team’s matches for over two years. “The opportunities are endless. Television rights, tourists flocking to our shiny new stadiums, the exposure of our players across %%REGION%%! Besides, what would you rather watch? Athletico beating the Tumbleweed Minnows into a pulp or Athletico squaring off against the likes of Foxchester United in a weekly, televised spectacle? I know which one I’d choose.”


3. “If you ask me, there’s a better way,” claims your groundskeeper, a connoisseur of obscure sports. “I’ve seen gridiron played over in the United Federation where the worst teams get the best rookies from a draft system. Picks, fair and simple, just like how I choose the flowers for your garden each year. Why not enforce that system here? It’d certainly level the playing field and remove all the exclusivity and unlimited money surrounding the established teams.”

edits for macros

Both names appear to be randomized as I don't see the owner of option 2 being a reference to anybody (i.e. Florentino Perez).

On another note, isn't this one from the issues contest "shortlist" that didn't get selected?

[The Candy Of Bottles]

Found a new one :-)


edits for macros

Both names appear to be randomized as I don't see the owner of option 2 being a reference to anybody (i.e. Florentino Perez).

On another note, isn't this one from the issues contest "shortlist" that didn't get selected?

I've got Cindy Putin and Hosea Wolfe myself, so the first one is definitely just @@RANDOMNAME@@, but the second could still always be female. No context indicating that's the case though, so I doubt it.

[Valentine Z]

Valentine’s Changelog 044

---

♪ Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep! Dreaming about the things that we could be! ♪

- Added more issues: 1502 to 1508, pitting us at 1509 issues with Issue #0.
- Went through the last few pages worth of fixes and changes (some changes may not be inside yet due to their ambiguous / indeterminate nature (as of now).
- "ed:" to "ed: " (with space) for 0026 TO 0050.txt.
- TODO: May change the macros to have underscores on them. For example: @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ -> @@RANDOM_LAST_NAME@@ in order to improve readability. Will be large-scale across all posts.

Changes made to the threads can be seen here.

[Rocain Founder]

There are a few things that appear incorrect or left out of the most recent changelog.

In issue #653, options 2 and 3 should be marked as alternatives, with an *. I believe the evidence is quite strong that option 2 is for nations with computers and Internet, and option 3 for nations without one or both. If this is considered dubious, perhaps it could be added as a possibility with a question mark.

In issue #766, options 1 and 2 are alternatives and should be marked with *'s. Also, 2 needs a [must not have Private Industry] comment, and 1 needs the blue of [Must have Private Industry] closed - as it is now it is turning several succeeding issues entirely blue.

The *'s for issue #1378 are all messed up. Options 1, 2, 4 and 5 are all alternatives of each other, and should be marked with a single * each. 3 and 6 are alternatives, and should be marked with **'s. It is still unknown (to me anyway) what the difference between getting 1 or 2 and 3 vs 4 or 5 and 6 is; perhaps the use of some notation like [TBD] or [???] would be helpful to so indicate.

[Valentine Z]

New Issue! I have not touched any of the macros. Choices seen from mobile inspect element.*

*** Tip: You can sort of inspect element the HTML on mobile (even on PC) without F12: Simply include "view-source:" in front of the URL.

1509: Parks and Aggravation [Pogaria; ed: Gnejs]

The Issue
The Valentian National Parks are widely regarded as one of the best vacation destinations in the country — and it’s about to get even better, because wealthy industrialist Rick Oldport just made a large donation to the national parks system. There’s one condition though: the money must be used to create a new park.

The Debate
1. “Yes! We finally have enough money to turn the Bland Canyon into a national park,” enthuses Minister of the Interior and part-time actor Wesley Snopes, who is writing a series of to-do lists that appear to be dated five years into the future. “We can get right to work training park rangers and deciding on the best typeface for our informational signs. Or maybe we should start with a hiking trails development committee? This is so exciting!”

3. “Well, that sounds boring to me!” interjects Don Blatherford, the Minister of Mining and Tourism, who is carefully adjusting his party membership pin. “The vanguards of the revolution like you deserve to treat yo’self. Let’s transform the dull Snakewater Mountains — which are under my ministry’s stewardship — into an extravagant resort for loyal party members, complete with limousine tours of the local scenery and one of those indoor ski slopes. If our guests get tired of being pampered, they’re welcome to tour our mining operation and see interesting geological formations being pulled out of the ground and pulverized as they watch!”

4. “Normally, I’d be opposed to another bloated government project,” states libertarian woodworker Jon Duckson, who appears to have given himself an unofficial tax rebate by taking all of the toilet paper from your bathroom. “However, the people of this country have become a bunch of namby-pamby weaklings who don’t even know how to operate a simple edge bander. I think we should take the most barren piece of terrain that’s available and offer training in foraging off the land, tracking animals, and making live-edge wooden furniture. Thank you for considering my suggestion; please do not attempt to contact me or ask any follow-up questions.”

5. “I just came up with literally the best idea ever,” claims fitness enthusiast Christine Trainer, who apparently doesn’t understand the definition of ‘literally’. “The best land for a park... has no land at all! Get it? We need a park that preserves the biodiversity of our oceans, especially those endangered coral reefs that all the cargo ships seem to cut through. Let’s protect those reefs now before they’re as bleached as my perfectly aligned teeth!”

6. “Scratching mosquito bites and throwing other people’s things into a campfire are two of my favorite activities,” admits government intern Maple Floodgate. “But maybe we should try a different type of national park, one that’s dedicated to music and contemporary art. I know this really awesome abandoned factory on the south side of The Gloriously Re-Built Aoutpine Yangon that has great acoustics and is covered in insightful graffiti. If you wanted, I could even curate a playlist of post-apocalyptic death metal music to enhance the experience. So... can I go now?”

7. “I love parks!” reminisces Maple’s boyfriend, Stanley Meyer, who is wearing a ‘federal agent’ ID badge that looks like it was drawn with crayons. “I always have a lot of fun at our nation’s parks. Except for that time at Spruce Pointe when I blew chunks after I ate a lot of cotton candy and then rode the Violet Streak Corkscrew Coaster about fifty times. We should make a big new park with even more thrilling rides, and fried candy bars slathered in butter! Oh, and a petting zoo for tiny horses! Why is everyone staring at me?”

[Giovanniland]

New Issue! I have not touched any of the macros. Choices seen from mobile inspect element.*

*** Tip: You can sort of inspect element the HTML on mobile (even on PC) without F12: Simply include "view-source:" in front of the URL.

1509: Parks and Aggravation [Pogaria; ed: Gnejs]

The Issue
The Valentian National Parks are widely regarded as one of the best vacation destinations in the country — and it’s about to get even better, because wealthy industrialist Rick Oldport just made a large donation to the national parks system. There’s one condition though: the money must be used to create a new park.

The Debate
1. “Yes! We finally have enough money to turn the Bland Canyon into a national park,” enthuses Minister of the Interior and part-time actor Wesley Snopes, who is writing a series of to-do lists that appear to be dated five years into the future. “We can get right to work training park rangers and deciding on the best typeface for our informational signs. Or maybe we should start with a hiking trails development committee? This is so exciting!”

3. “Well, that sounds boring to me!” interjects Don Blatherford, the Minister of Mining and Tourism, who is carefully adjusting his party membership pin. “The vanguards of the revolution like you deserve to treat yo’self. Let’s transform the dull Snakewater Mountains — which are under my ministry’s stewardship — into an extravagant resort for loyal party members, complete with limousine tours of the local scenery and one of those indoor ski slopes. If our guests get tired of being pampered, they’re welcome to tour our mining operation and see interesting geological formations being pulled out of the ground and pulverized as they watch!”

4. “Normally, I’d be opposed to another bloated government project,” states libertarian woodworker Jon Duckson, who appears to have given himself an unofficial tax rebate by taking all of the toilet paper from your bathroom. “However, the people of this country have become a bunch of namby-pamby weaklings who don’t even know how to operate a simple edge bander. I think we should take the most barren piece of terrain that’s available and offer training in foraging off the land, tracking animals, and making live-edge wooden furniture. Thank you for considering my suggestion; please do not attempt to contact me or ask any follow-up questions.”

5. “I just came up with literally the best idea ever,” claims fitness enthusiast Christine Trainer, who apparently doesn’t understand the definition of ‘literally’. “The best land for a park... has no land at all! Get it? We need a park that preserves the biodiversity of our oceans, especially those endangered coral reefs that all the cargo ships seem to cut through. Let’s protect those reefs now before they’re as bleached as my perfectly aligned teeth!”

6. “Scratching mosquito bites and throwing other people’s things into a campfire are two of my favorite activities,” admits government intern Maple Floodgate. “But maybe we should try a different type of national park, one that’s dedicated to music and contemporary art. I know this really awesome abandoned factory on the south side of The Gloriously Re-Built Aoutpine Yangon that has great acoustics and is covered in insightful graffiti. If you wanted, I could even curate a playlist of post-apocalyptic death metal music to enhance the experience. So... can I go now?”

7. “I love parks!” reminisces Maple’s boyfriend, Stanley Meyer, who is wearing a ‘federal agent’ ID badge that looks like it was drawn with crayons. “I always have a lot of fun at our nation’s parks. Except for that time at Spruce Pointe when I blew chunks after I ate a lot of cotton candy and then rode the Violet Streak Corkscrew Coaster about fifty times. We should make a big new park with even more thrilling rides, and fried candy bars slathered in butter! Oh, and a petting zoo for tiny horses! Why is everyone staring at me?”

Just received the same issue, looks like all names (Rick Oldport, Wesley Snopes, Don Blatherford, Jon Duckson, Christine Trainer, Maple Floodgate and Stanley Meyer) are fixed. I also have the same options as Valentine, didn't get the one hidden option apparently.

[TalAkMaChen]

Hi, two updates:
1495: all the dinosaur names are in italics:
description: complete Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton
opt 1 has a Dr. random name, "a Triceratops skull", "precious T. rex in public"
opt 2+3 have a random names

1501, opt 1 " four known Geomys annoyus populations." in italics

[Bears Armed]

Hi, two updates:
1495: all the dinosaur names are in italics:
description: complete Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton
opt 1 has a Dr. random name, "a Triceratops skull", "precious T. rex in public"
opt 2+3 have a random names

1501, opt 1 " four known Geomys annoyus populations." in italics

Genera's & Species' scientific names are supposed to be written in italics.[/Zoology graduate]

[Outer Sparta]

Both names appear to be randomized as I don't see the owner of option 2 being a reference to anybody (i.e. Florentino Perez).

On another note, isn't this one from the issues contest "shortlist" that didn't get selected?

I've got Cindy Putin and Hosea Wolfe myself, so the first one is definitely just @@RANDOMNAME@@, but the second could still always be female. No context indicating that's the case though, so I doubt it.

It might possibly be the case since the @@HIS/HER@@ macro is present, but you could always pair @@RANDOMNAME@@ with @@HIS/HER@@.

[Electrum]

On another note, isn't this one from the issues contest "shortlist" that didn't get selected?

Yes. I'm actually working on a few drafts from previous contests. Including the one that was held two years ago.

[Rocain Founder]

A fourth option has been added to issue #174, for nations without private industry. This was foreshadowed in this post. The new option 4 differs from the spoiled option 3 in only a few words. Here is the text of the new option, as receive by my puppet Rocain Reaper, with the differences from option 3 underlined.

“Look, I’ve got an idea,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an obsessive centrist. “Perhaps we can allow for six months of paid maternity leave, but have the government pay their employers for the lost revenue? That way the mothers can bring up their children without financial worries, employers won’t suffer, and everyone will be happy. Apart from the taxpayers, of course, but you can’t please everyone.”

[Republic of La Boca]

Issue: Parks and Aggravation (#1509)

The Issue

The @@NATION@@ National Parks are widely regarded as one of the best vacation destinations in the country — and it’s about to get even better, because wealthy industrialist Rick Oldport just made a large donation to the national parks system. There’s one condition though: the money must be used to create a new park.

The Debate

“Yes! We finally have enough money to turn the Bland Canyon into a national park,” enthuses Minister of the Interior and part-time actor Wesley Snopes, who is writing a series of to-do lists that appear to be dated five years into the future. “We can get right to work training park rangers and deciding on the best typeface for our informational signs. Or maybe we should start with a hiking trails development committee? This is so exciting!”

Accept

“Well, that sounds boring to me!” interjects Don Blatherford, the Minister of Mining and Tourism, who is carefully adjusting his party membership pin. “The vanguards of the revolution like you deserve to treat yo’self. Let’s transform the dull Snakewater Mountains — which are under my ministry’s stewardship — into an extravagant resort for loyal party members, complete with limousine tours of the local scenery and one of those indoor ski slopes. If our guests get tired of being pampered, they’re welcome to tour our mining operation and see interesting geological formations being pulled out of the ground and pulverized as they watch!”

Accept

“Normally, I’d be opposed to another bloated government project,” states libertarian woodworker Jon Duckson, who appears to have given himself an unofficial tax rebate by taking all of the toilet paper from your bathroom. “However, the people of this country have become a bunch of namby-pamby weaklings who don’t even know how to operate a simple edge bander. I think we should take the most barren piece of terrain that’s available and offer training in foraging off the land, tracking animals, and making live-edge wooden furniture. Thank you for considering my suggestion; please do not attempt to contact me or ask any follow-up questions.”

Accept

“I just came up with literally the best idea ever,” claims fitness enthusiast Christine Trainer, who apparently doesn’t understand the definition of ‘literally’. “The best land for a park... has no land at all! Get it? We need a park that preserves the biodiversity of our oceans, especially those endangered coral reefs that all the cargo ships seem to cut through. Let’s protect those reefs now before they’re as bleached as my perfectly aligned teeth!”

Accept

“Scratching mosquito bites and throwing other people’s things into a campfire are two of my favorite activities,” admits government intern Maple Floodgate. “But maybe we should try a different type of national park, one that’s dedicated to music and contemporary art. I know this really awesome abandoned factory on the south side of Quilmes that has great acoustics and is covered in insightful graffiti. If you wanted, I could even curate a playlist of post-apocalyptic death metal music to enhance the experience. So... can I go now?”

Accept

“I love parks!” reminisces Maple’s boyfriend, Stanley Meyer, who is wearing a ‘federal agent’ ID badge that looks like it was drawn with crayons. “I always have a lot of fun at our nation’s parks. Except for that time at Spruce Pointe when I blew chunks after I ate a lot of cotton candy and then rode the Violet Streak Corkscrew Coaster about fifty times. We should make a big new park with even more thrilling rides, and fried candy bars slathered in butter! Oh, and a petting zoo for tiny horses! Why is everyone staring at me?”

Accept

[Rocain Founder]

One of my puppets (Cain B A-Cp v0) has just received issue #1511. Here is the text of the issue. I have left personal names unchanged, except for the name of the national Leader. Inspection of the HTML reveals no missing options.

Three Little Words

The Issue

You have been asked to take a searing political interview for Alright! magazine. After questions about your favourite crisp flavour, your most used emoji and whether you prefer long walks on the beach or brisk walks in the city, you reach the final question: “In three words, how do you think others describe you?”

The Debate

1. Your devoted secretary grins broadly, exposing his ‘I Heart @@LEADER@@’ novelty braces. Fixing you a warm drink, he whispers, “Drop dead gorgeous.”

2. Your sister, here to deposit pamphlets about her latest good causes, smiles imploringly. Nudging forward a brochure of a tiny child holding out his empty bowl, she sighs, “So very generous.”

3. Minister of Bootstraps Sun Payne throws your sister’s pamphlets off the table and drops a spending review entitled ‘Cutting Welfare Wastage’ before you, rapping it. After a cough, she booms, “Exceptional financial prudence.”

4. A woman with three surprisingly well-fed cats in a shopping trolley staggers into your room, coughing up hairballs. Floating up to your desk, she picks up the spending review and places it gently beneath the cats. After staring wide-eyed at your unfinished profile, she laughs loudly. “Kind to animals.”

5. Environment Minister Beyonce Warner removes the spending review from the shopping trolley and places it in the recycling. Dramatically sweeping some crumbs from your desk for composting, she announces, “Clean, green machine.”

6. Your niece — recently kicked out of a closed religious order for being overly zealous — totters over to you, bedecked in so much religious iconography that she can barely move. Lips clamped at the sides, she declares, “Perfectly pious person.”

7. Your actor nephew stylishly slides through the speakers, before gently taking the hand of the lady with the trolley and twirling her. Skipping to your desk, he hops onto it, and singsongs, “Nah, I’m good.”

8. Flinging your nephew from the desk, your brother slams his hands down. Crushing the interview questions beneath his fist, he snarls, “Just three words? That’s not possible. You’re their leader. You need permission? Of course not! You’re too benevolent. They mock it. Punish their impudence. Write fifty pages. Fill the magazine. You deserve it. Send a message: playtime is over.”

Issue by The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

Edited by Electrum

[The Candy Of Bottles]

Just got the last option for #1509. Capitalist/Communist Split unsurprisingly.

“Well, that sounds boring to me!” interjects businessperson Don Blatherford, who is carefully adjusting his pocket square. “Classy individuals like you deserve to treat yo’self. Let’s transform the dull Snakewater Mountains — part of which I happen to own — into an extravagant resort with limousine tours of the local scenery and one of those indoor ski slopes. If our guests get tired of being pampered, they’re welcome to tour my mining operation and see interesting geological formations being pulled out of the ground and pulverized as they watch!”

[Rocain Founder]

Issue #674 has had a fourth option added, between the spoiled option 1 and option 2. This was discovered by my puppet Cain A C-S Sc v1, and prophesied by this post. The spoiled option 1 is now for nations with private industry, while socialist nations get the new option 2, which has the following text (with differences from option 1 underlined):

“I have the right to my values!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, the manager of the diner. “My grandfather, who opened this restaurant 50 years ago, was a man of faith. This faith gave him his love of family values and family dining. He believed homosexuality to be degenerate and sinful! I’m not saying that these people can’t sin in their own homes, but must I sit there watching them commit unholy acts in my business? What about my freedom to express religious belief? What about my economic rights as a state-licensed business operator?”

The spoiled option 2 is now option 3, and the spoiled option 3 is now option 4.

[East Polcomia]

I have just received issue #1510. Here it is. I haven't tried to resolve the proper names, except for the name of my nation's Leader.

Devolution Devolves Into Disaster?

The Issue

In a bold display of defiance, legislators from several semi-autonomous regions have recently legalized marijuana within their jurisdictions. As this directly contradicts the nationwide ban on cannabis products, lawmakers have been tripping out over the newfound legal dilemma.

The Debate

1. “We must not allow this blatant disregard of the law to go unchallenged!” declares Jabulani Love, a member of parliament and known traditionalist. “Local authorities picking and choosing which laws to follow is an affront to our great nation’s values and will only encourage disunity. Federal laws should always take precedence over local laws, and a bunch of hippies from the boondocks shouldn’t be able to opt out of any regulations they don’t happen to like. Administrative divisions should continue having a degree of autonomy, but we must draw the line when local authorities try to allow things that are illegal on the federal level.”

2. “I don’t see why it’s that big of a problem,” says Minerva Shongwe, the young governor of East Beethoven, one of the provinces which recently legalized cannabis. “East Polcomia isn’t one homogeneous mass, but a conglomeration of diverse peoples, cultures, and values. Moreover, the government derives its power from the consent of the people — and the people here no longer consented to this ridiculous marijuana prohibition. That’s what democracy is, anyway.”

3. “This whole ‘giving local authorities autonomy’ thing hasn’t really been working out, has it?” muses your loyal advisor Bodhi Griffin. “Ever since we gave them the power to make their own laws, things have spiraled out of control. First they’re allowing cannabis, next they’ll allow something much worse — I shudder to think what that could be — on the grounds that it would be ‘best for their people’! @@LEADER@@, in order to save our country, we must end this rapid decentralization and bring power back to the national government!”

4. “Or you could just legalize weed everywhere,” suggests your eccentric cousin after gulping down a handful of green gummy bears. “Marijuana isn’t dangerous or anything, so the only thing stopping complete legalization is a bunch of old farts in parliament who are stuck in a more conservative era. Maybe allowing it will let people chill out and not get so mad about this whole federalism thing. Legalizing marijuana might even help the economy because farmers would have a new cash crop to grow. Sounds like a win-win to me!”

Issue by The Democratic States of Erynia and Draconia

Edited by Pogaria

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