by Kiddian States » Sun Apr 10, 2022 5:13 am
by Ambrossa » Sun Apr 10, 2022 5:20 am
by Kiddian States » Sun Apr 10, 2022 6:19 am
Ambrossa wrote:Great draflt!
I would say you would have to add Not valid for natons that bareligion on
by Ambrossa » Sun Apr 10, 2022 6:22 am
by Kiddian States » Sun Apr 10, 2022 8:30 am
by Verdant Haven » Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:24 pm
by Kiddian States » Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:46 pm
Verdant Haven wrote:What exactly is the issue being presented? Uncovering an ancient library full of previously unknown material is awesome – I'm all about that! "Many people have opinions on this matter" doesn't actually say anything about what "this matter" is though, and doesn't make for an engaging hook. See if you can identify a *specific* question, issue, or challenge that has arisen as a result of this find, which demands the attention of the nation's leader, and then present that issue in the initial text.
Once you've got your specific issue described, make sure each of the options is an answer to it in some way. Depending on what the question is, some of the options as currently written may be answering something else entirely, and should be focused.
The issue is significantly reliant on religion being present in the nation already. I would suggest that the issue should check for that as a validity. Violetism is also something that can be uniquely prohibited in nations without affecting other religions – it could be worth altering that reference to one of the other non-traditional religions to avoid that conflict – Cyan, Yellow, etc.
In the second option, @@DEITY@@ isn't a Macro that exists, nor a thing that players can set.
I'll be interested to see what you develop for a second draft. I think it's an interesting topic and worth pursuing.
by Kiddian States » Mon Apr 18, 2022 1:56 pm
by Verdant Haven » Mon Apr 18, 2022 2:08 pm
by Outer Sparta » Mon Apr 18, 2022 2:17 pm
by Kiddian States » Mon Apr 18, 2022 3:35 pm
by Kiddian States » Sun Apr 24, 2022 6:35 pm
by USS Monitor » Sun Apr 24, 2022 6:47 pm
by Wind and Void Rapture 1 » Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:28 pm
by Kiddian States » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:15 pm
Wind and Void Rapture 1 wrote:The premise has potential, you've got a solid range of options, but I've got a qualm with your option 4. Not every @@LEADER@@ is male!
by Kiddian States » Mon Apr 25, 2022 6:12 pm
by Candensia » Sat May 14, 2022 12:39 pm
A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions on what is to be done with this ancient library.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.
by Kiddian States » Sat May 14, 2022 1:07 pm
Candensia wrote:Let's take a look at the intro.A recent archaeological dig uncovered an underground ancient library, housing many ancient @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ myths, featuring a full pantheon of colorful gods and many unique monsters. Despite this seemingly simple situation, your lunch break has been ruined by people with opinions on what is to be done with this ancient library.
This is fluff. If the situation is more complex than it appears, then explain how it's more complex. You've lured in the reader with indications of a juicy situation, but then only say that people are arguing, which seems like a wasted opportunity for more context.
Why, for example, are the religious speakers in the options supportive of / opposed to the preservation of the artifacts? Why is there a controversy?
by Kiddian States » Sun May 15, 2022 9:06 am
by Kiddian States » Sun May 22, 2022 11:38 am
by Verdant Haven » Mon May 23, 2022 12:09 pm
by Kiddian States » Mon May 23, 2022 3:47 pm
by Verdant Haven » Mon May 23, 2022 7:54 pm
Kiddian States wrote:Also, what’s the macro for a reverse name?
It’d be helpful for the god/monster name
by Kiddian States » Tue May 24, 2022 11:48 am
by Kiddian States » Fri Jun 17, 2022 4:01 pm
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