[SUBMITTED] A Hard Pill to Swallow

[Jim the Baptist]

Co-authored by Dabarastan

The issue
The nation is in mourning after this weekend's Woodblock music festival claimed yet another victim, sparkly-eyed schoolgirl Nancy Bumpkin, following a fatal overdose. Her death is only part of a string of similar incidents, as recreational drug use is reported to have risen to epidemic levels at music festivals in @@name@@.

1- "She had no idea those pills had all that heroin and fentanyl in 'em!" the girl’s boyfriend, Sid, laments. "That lad with the fanny pack told us it was only a bit of ecstasy, maybe a dash of speed. If festival sites had legal pill testing tents, then Nancy would've known about all the hidden nasties and probably thrown the lot in the bin! Face it: teens are going to be poppin' pillies at festivals whether you like it or not, so why not make it as safe as possible? Nancy and all those other poor sods before her would probably still be with us if not for your backwards outlook, you miserable old coot."
Effect: festival-goers are happily spaced out and pretty vacant

2a- Chief of Police, Inspector Raymond Fowler, interjects. "'Hidden nasties' or not, there’s still no such thing as a 'safe' drug. If you want to get dangerous substances out of these events, then let us - the benevolent police force - handle it. Start with police crews, sniffer dogs and ramped up security at all festival entry points - if anyone DARES attempt to bring a single pill past us, then we'll throw the bloody book at them."
Effect: no orifice is off-limits for desperate teenage festival-goers
Must have No Drugs policy

2b- Chief of Police, Inspector Raymond Fowler, interjects. "'Hidden nasties’ or not, there’s still no such thing as a 'safe' drug. What we need to get dangerous substances out of these events is to introduce a nationwide no drugs policy - no-nonsense, no ifs, no buts. Then let us - the benevolent police force - handle it. Start with police crews, sniffer dogs and ramped up security at all festival entry points - if anyone DARES attempt to bring a single pill past us, then we'll throw the bloody book at them."
Effect: no orifice is off-limits for desperate teenage festival-goers
Must not have No Drugs policy

3- Punk frontman and headliner of the festival, Johnny Putrid, belligerently groans. "I don't believe my ears: another nanny-state drug crackdown! You wanna waste time on a whack-a-mole style war on drugs approach, when the real solution is staring at you right in the bleedin' faces! Manufacture the drugs yourselves, make 'em pure - without all those hidden nasties - and distribute safe, recreational amounts of 'em over the counter in pharmacies. Like young Sid said, drugs are an unavoidable part of musical festival culture, so you might as well take full control of the supply yourselves. And isn't that what's most important to you bastards anyway - control?"
Effect: it's always hazy in @@capital@@

4- "You're all missing the bigger picture, you depraved, wretched scoundrels!" bemoans concerned mother @@randomnamefemale@@. "These music festivals are nothing but petri dishes for drugs, alcohol, sex, depravity, and outright anarchy. Just shut them all down and tell these young hooligans it's time to get off the reefer and find a damn job!"
Effect: no one dares disturb the sound of silence

The issue
[a]The nation is in mourning over the tragic drug-related death of sparkly-eyed schoolgirl Nancy Bumpkin at the Yesterdayland music festival this weekend. Unfortunately, the 15-year-old is only the latest statistic in a worrying emerging trend of festival overdoses, and many are now wondering what the government can do to address this emerging epidemic gripping the nation's youth.

[b]The nation is in mourning after this weekend's Yesterdayland music festival claimed yet another victim, Nancy Bumpkin, following a fatal drug overdose. Her death is only part of a string of similar incidents, as recreational drug use is reported to have risen to epidemic levels at music festivals in @@name@@.

1- "She had no idea those pills had all that heroin, cocaine and fentanyl in 'em!" the girl’s boyfriend, Sid, laments. "The lad with the fanny pack and sunglasses told us it was only a bit of ecstasy, maybe a dash of speed. If festival sites had legal pill testing tents, then Nancy would've known about all the hidden nasties and probably thrown the lot in the bin! Face it: teens are going to be poppin' pillies at festivals whether you like it or not, so why not make it as safe as possible? Nancy and all those other poor sods before her would probably still be with us if not for your backwards outlook, you miserable old coot."
Effect: festival-goers are happily spaced out and pretty vacant

2a- Chief of Police, Inspector Raymond Fowler, interjects. "Safe! Did I hear that right? Little boy, here's a valuable lesson: there's no such thing as a 'safe' drug. Every narcotic is crafted to kill, and all this ‘pill testing’ business will do is make impressionable delinquents think the government is permitting hard drug use. If you want to get dangerous substances out of these events, then let us - the benevolent police force - handle it. Start with police crews, sniffer dogs and ramped up security at all festival entry points - if anyone DARES attempt to bring a single pill past us, then we'll throw the bloody book at them."
Effect: no orifice is off-limits for desperate festival-goers
Must have No Drugs policy

2b- Chief of Police, Inspector Raymond Fowler, interjects. "Safe! Did I hear that right? These are the kind of delusional ideas the teens get when a nation doesn't adopt an absolute zero-tolerance approach to drugs. What we need is a no-nonsense, no drugs policy - no ifs, no buts. As for keeping them out of those loud musical events: start with police crews, sniffer dogs and ramped up security at all festival entry points - if anyone DARES attempt to bring a single pill past us, then we'll throw the bloody book at them."
Effect: no orifice is off-limits for desperate festival-goers
Must not have No Drugs policy

3- Punk frontman and headliner of the festival, Johnny Putrid, belligerently groans. "I don't believe my ears: another nanny-state drug crackdown! Sounds like you're the ones who've been ingesting the funny stuff. You wanna waste time on a whack-a-mole style war on drugs approach, when the real solution is staring at you right in the bleedin' faces! Manufacture the drugs yourselves, make 'em pure - without all those hidden nasties - and distribute safe, recreational amounts of 'em over the counter in pharmacies. Trust me. I had a pristine vantage point on stage - half the young ones there were drugged outta their minds. Nothing you say is gonna stop 'em, so you might as well take full control of the supply yourselves. And isn't that what's most important to you bastards anyway - control?"
Effect: it’s always hazy in @@capital@@

4- "You're all missing the bigger picture, you depraved, wretched scoundrels!" bemoans concerned mother @@randomnamefemale@@. "These music festivals are nothing but petri dishes for drugs, alcohol, sex, depravity, and outright anarchy. Just shut them all down and tell these young hooligans it's time to get off the reefer and find a damn job!"
Effect: no one dares disturb the sound of silence

[Dabarastan]

The issue
The mourning friends of a teen girl who fatally overdosed at a music festival on the weekend have flooded into your office, demanding you introduce government regulated pill testing at all such events across the nation.

1- "She had no idea those pills had all that heroin, cocaine and fentanyl in 'em!" the girl's boyfriend, Sid, laments. "The lad with the fanny pack and sunglasses told us it was only a bit of ecstasy, maybe a dash of speed. If Nancy just had the opportunity to test the drugs before she took 'em, she would have known about the hidden nasties and probably thrown the lot in the bin! Face it: us teens are going to be poppin' pillies at festivals whether you want us to or not, so why not make it as safe as possible? Nancy and all her good vibes could still be with us if not for your backwards outlook, you miserable old coot."
Effect: festival-goers are happily spaced out and pretty vacant

2- Chief of Police, Inspector Raymond Fowler, interjects. "Safe! Did I hear that right? Little boy, here's a valuable lesson: there's no such thing as a 'safe' drug. Every one of those drugs you take at your loud musical events has been carefully crafted to slowly destroy your life. All this little dingus's 'testing' idea is gonna do is make impressionable delinquents think the government is permitting hard drug use. If you want to get dangerous substances out of these events, then let us - the benevolent police force - handle it. Start with police crews, sniffer dogs and ramped up security at all festival entry points - if anyone DARES attempt to bring a single pill past us, then we'll throw the bloody book at them."
Effect: no orifice is off-limits for teens desperate to smuggle drugs into the nation's heavily-policed music festivals

3a- Punk frontman and headliner of the festival, Johnny Putrid, belligerently groans. "I don't believe my ears: another nanny-state drug crackdown! Sounds like you're the ones who've been ingesting the funny stuff. You wanna waste time on a whack-a-mole style war on drugs approach, when the real solution is staring at you right in the bleedin' faces! Manufacture the drugs yourselves, make 'em pure - without all those hidden nasties - and sell 'em in pharmacies. Trust me. I had a pristine vantage point on stage - half the young ones there were drugged outta their minds. Nothing you say is gonna stop 'em, so you might as well make it safer and collect some bank in the meantime. And isn't that what's most important to you bastards anyway - raisin' revenue?"
Effect: it’s always hazy in @@capital@@
Not valid for nations with socialism

3b- Punk frontman and headliner of the festival, Johnny Putrid, belligerently groans. "I don't believe my ears: another nanny-state drug crackdown! Sounds like you're the ones who've been ingesting the funny stuff. You wanna waste time on a whack-a-mole style war on drugs approach, when the real solution is staring at you right in the bleedin' faces! Manufacture the drugs yourselves, make 'em pure - without all those hidden nasties - and distribute safe, recreational amounts of 'em over the counter in pharmacies. Trust me. I had a pristine vantage point on stage - half the young ones there were drugged outta their minds. Nothing you say is gonna stop 'em, so you might as well take full control of the supply yourselves. And isn't that what's most important to you bastards anyway - control?"
Effect: it’s always hazy in @@capital@@
Not valid for nations with capitalism

4- "You're all missing the bigger picture, you depraved, wretched scoundrels!" bemoans concerned mother @@randomnamefemale@@. "These music festivals are nothing but petri dishes for drugs, alcohol, sex, depravity, and outright anarchy. Just shut them all down and tell these young delinquents it's time to get off the reefer and find a damn job!"
Effect: no one dares disturb the sound of silence

The issue
The drug-related death of a teen girl at the Yesterdayland music festival on the weekend has shocked the nation. Unfortunately, her death is just the latest in a string of fatal overdoses at such events. Now, a procession of self-described problem-solvers have marched into your office with ideas on how to prevent such tragedies from occurring again.

1- "She had no idea those pills had all that heroin, cocaine and fentanyl in 'em!" the girl's boyfriend, Sid, laments. "The lad with the fanny pack and sunglasses told us it was only a bit of ecstasy, maybe a dash of speed. If festival sites had legal pill testing tents, then Nancy would've known about all the hidden nasties and probably thrown the lot in the bin! Face it: teens are going to be poppin' pillies at festivals whether you like it or not, so why not make it as safe as possible? Nancy and all those other poor sods before her would probably still be with us if not for your backwards outlook, you miserable old coot."
Effect: festival-goers are happily spaced out and pretty vacant

2- Chief of Police, Inspector Raymond Fowler, interjects. "Safe! Did I hear that right? Little boy, here's a valuable lesson: there's no such thing as a 'safe' drug. Every one of those drugs you take at your loud musical events has been carefully crafted to slowly destroy your life. @@Leader@@, all this little dingus's 'testing' idea is gonna do is make impressionable delinquents think the government is permitting hard drug use. If you want to get dangerous substances out of these events, then let us - the benevolent police force - handle it. Start with police crews, sniffer dogs and ramped up security at all festival entry points - if anyone DARES attempt to bring a single pill past us, then we'll throw the bloody book at them."
Effect: no orifice is off-limits for teens desperate to smuggle drugs into the nation's heavily-policed music festivals

3- Punk frontman and headliner of the festival, Johnny Putrid, belligerently groans. "I don't believe my ears: another nanny-state drug crackdown! Sounds like you're the ones who've been ingesting the funny stuff. You wanna waste time on a whack-a-mole style war on drugs approach, when the real solution is staring at you right in the bleedin' faces! Manufacture the drugs yourselves, make 'em pure - without all those hidden nasties - and distribute safe, recreational amounts of 'em over the counter in pharmacies. Trust me. I had a pristine vantage point on stage - half the young ones there were drugged outta their minds. Nothing you say is gonna stop 'em, so you might as well take full control of the supply yourselves. And isn't that what's most important to you bastards anyway - control?"
Effect: it's always hazy in @@capital@@

4- "You're all missing the bigger picture, you depraved, wretched scoundrels!" bemoans concerned mother @@randomnamefemale@@. "These music festivals are nothing but petri dishes for drugs, alcohol, sex, depravity, and outright anarchy. Just shut them all down and tell these young hooligans it's time to get off the reefer and find a damn job!"
Effect: no one dares disturb the sound of silence

[Steelfeather Rapture 1]

Just leave the capitalist and socialist options the same, I'd say. "Raising revenue" is a fixation for both of them.

[Jim the Baptist]

Bump

[Dabarastan]

Bump

[Jim the Baptist]

Bump

[USS Monitor]

Not sure why this thread has had so little feedback. Maybe people are not talking because they can't find any obvious problems to fix?

On option 3, I would either leave the doppelgangers or go with the "control" version. Even in a capitalist society where a lot of politics are driven by money, the "control" version would still make sense and it's a good fit for the character.

[Sacara]

Quick post since I'm on mobile. Will clarify more when I get to my computer if you need it.

I would advise getting rid of "...demanding you introduce government regulated pill testing at all such events across the nation" from the issue description. Don't include what should be in an option in the premise.

Also, instead of it being just one person overdosing, as tragic as that is, make it a widespread occurrence at these events.

[Dabarastan]

Thank you all. We have taken your feedback on board and updated the OP with a new draft.

[Candensia]

See if you can trim the text while also preserving the quality of the issue. For example:

The drug-related death of a teen girl at the Yesterdayland music festival on the weekend has shocked the nation. Unfortunately, her death is just the latest in a string of fatal overdoses at such events. Now, a procession of self-described problem-solvers have marched into your office with ideas on how to prevent such tragedies from occurring again.

I've never been a fan of the "office" line. In my opinion it hardly ever adds substance to a description. I think you can cut it out in its entirety.

Effect: no orifice is off-limits for teens desperate to smuggle drugs into the nation's heavily-policed music festivals

I get the joke. Can you convey it in half the length?

[Dabarastan]

Thanks for your feedback Candensia. We have updated the OP with a new draft. We also realised that option 2 likely requires a doppelganger.

Also, we've included in the OP two different ideas for premises, taking slightly different approaches. We're interested to see if there is any preference among people between the two.

[Random Country 453632]

THis is a great issue! Btw, I prefer description B. It's shorter and easier to understand.

[Cretox State]

The issue's nice, just a bit bloated. I do find it somewhat odd that your first option reframes the overdose issue as "the victims aren't aware of what substances they're taking," while the description and other options imply that the victims are knowingly taking hard drugs and that you should address this with a ban or by manufacturing safer drugs. Also, option 3 feels strange: in addition to manufacturing recreational drugs itself, is the government also banning drugs supplied by others? It isn't explicitly stated, but it's implied by "take full control of the supply." I just think it could be more clear. Speaking of which, aren't the "hidden nasties" the entire allure of many of these drugs? Don't get me wrong: it's still a solid draft, and I am very much nitpicking.

[Dabarastan]

The issue's nice, just a bit bloated. I do find it somewhat odd that your first option reframes the overdose issue as "the victims aren't aware of what substances they're taking," while the description and other options imply that the victims are knowingly taking hard drugs and that you should address this with a ban or by manufacturing safer drugs. Also, option 3 feels strange: in addition to manufacturing recreational drugs itself, is the government also banning drugs supplied by others? It isn't explicitly stated, but it's implied by "take full control of the supply." I just think it could be more clear. Speaking of which, aren't the "hidden nasties" the entire allure of many of these drugs? Don't get me wrong: it's still a solid draft, and I am very much nitpicking.

These are very good observations, and we will amend the draft accordingly over the next week or so. Thanks for your feedback.

[Dabarastan]

We've now slightly updated the draft according to the feedback above and put it on last call