(DRAFT) Checkmate!

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Posts: 82
Founded: Aug 24, 2020
Democratic Socialists

(DRAFT) Checkmate!

Postby Cerata » Thu Jan 20, 2022 9:58 pm

Recently, a rather dramatic loss by the @@NAME@@ side in a long-awaited chess tournament on domestic soil in which @@NAME@@ resident and reigning champion @@MALE1@@ was defeated by @@MALE2@@ was a great blow to the nation's morale. However, just a few seconds after the match was won, it was revealed that @@MALE2@@ had worn a tiny earbud during the game, getting advice from professionals, and it turned out he had no understanding of the game at all. Angry mobs instantly broke into the tournament building and seized him. As you try to get a grasp on what is going on on your TV, the group breaks into your room, with @@MALE2@@ bound and gagged, muffledly gurgling what appears to be expletives.

Invalid for nations that don't have a high culture stat.

@@RANDOMNAME@@, a long time chess player and previous tournament winner, bursts out of the crowd holding a torch. @@HE@@ screams out: "This LIAR and CHEATER has compromised the gentleman and civilized activity of chess! They ought to be severely punished and sent back to where he came from, and they should never be able to come back! We should never tolerate LIARS in our country! Anyone who is caught cheating in professional games ought to be tarred and feathered!" He then waves the torch dangerously close to @@MALE2@@'s nose.

Rule #345 of the national chess playbook requires a jury of 201 people to determine guilty or not guilty in the case of a syrup smudge on the bishop.

@@MALE2@@ lets out a shriek as the torch singes his nose hairs. @@HE@@ meekly suggests: "Maybe minor cheating shouldn't be taken so seriously, right? We can just restart the game and then play it over again on a clean slate! Just because someone cheated once isn't a justification to bar them from playing for eternity. People learn from their mistakes, right?" @@HE@@ then lets out a shriek as the mob begins chanting and building a fire.

Family chess games constantly restart due to someone hoarding all the cards.

@@RANDOMNAME@@ pokes @@HIS@@ head out from behind the door, interrupting the screams of the crowd. @@HE@@ enthusiastically suggests: "I mean, if someone cheats, the other person should be able to cheat as well to get an even playing field! In fact, we should all cheat in all the games! " He then lets out a long, dreamy sigh, while muttering: "I've always wanted to beat my sister at checkers."

Prank shop sales reach an all time high as people purchase astounding numbers of toy periscopes to use in Battleship.
Sundays are great

Wednesdays are lame

and Mondays... should be torched with a flame

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Ethics Committee of the SCPF
Posts: 47
Founded: Jun 16, 2020
Corporate Police State

Postby Ethics Committee of the SCPF » Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:02 pm

Yea, why not females
Last edited by Ethics Committee of the SCPF on Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Keep the money in and the money makers out

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Posts: 818
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:04 pm

Why do the championship finalists both have to be male? Yes, males are more common in these types of events but women still compete in chess tournaments.

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Posts: 1371
Founded: Mar 02, 2016
Libertarian Police State

Postby SherpDaWerp » Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:33 pm

This is... not the sort of thing that usually makes it to @@leader@@'s desk. In this case, sure, there's riots, yada yada, but that seems like an arbitrary framing around an issue that isn't really of national importance.

You could do the same framing around anything - "people have rioted about the width of the roads in @@name@@" doesn't make the width of @@name@@'s roads magically any more of a problem than before.

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Outer Sparta
Posts: 13917
Founded: Dec 26, 2014
Democratic Socialists

Postby Outer Sparta » Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:59 pm

I don't know about this one.
I don't stand with Ukraine. I don't stand with Russia. I don't stand with the US, NATO, or EU. I stand with the innocent civilians being caught in the crossfire while the politicians, the media, and weapons manufacturers continue to stoke division and conflict in their geopolitical chess games and treat the people of Ukraine as mere pawns. Zelensky is a corrupt, opportunist oligarchic politician who is not fit to lead Ukraine through anything and wants to inflate his own ego and offshore accounts.

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Posts: 818
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Fri Jan 21, 2022 12:52 am

I do see potential here for a chess-related issue, for example a tribal tradition that involves a game of chess to solve issues. However, try not to overlap with the thumb war one if you do that.

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Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
Posts: 23381
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Mon Mar 14, 2022 5:07 am

He would need at least a little bit of knowledge, at least knowing what the pieces were named, so saying "No knowledge at all" is a bit difficult/ Also, why didn't the person whispering in his ear play himself? Why play via proxy?
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Cretox State
Posts: 949
Founded: Nov 04, 2015
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Cretox State » Mon Mar 14, 2022 10:19 am

Wouldn’t this just be handled internally? It’s… cheating. Now, if the problem was that Name’s official team had an entrenched culture of cheating and every member of the team blatantly cheated at an international event you’re attending to the point where your advisors are telling you you need to make a statement on the matter, that might be more doable. It would still be iffy, though.

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