[Draft] Condemn Northern Borland

[Radicalania]

Soooooo ages ago I wrote an almost successful repeal of Commend NB but was beaten out by Noah. Figured it was about time I proposed the replacement.

This is a nation based Condemn, so theres no mention of any foreign affairs stuff because frankly that's not the impressive (or condemnable) part of NB.

Condemn Northern Borland

The Security Council,

Believing it is the place of the Security Council to hold nations to the World Assembly's very high standards, regardless of membership,

Appalled that the government of the [nation=long]Northern Borland[/nation] has for too long escaped the consequences of their actions, which have created a nearly completely uninhabitable environment for anyone not among the richest decile, and horrified that these actions have even been lauded by this very council,

Alarmed that almost every Northern Borlandian residing in the nation is obese, with the nation ranking first in the world for highest percentage of obese people.

Disgusted by the gross negligence of its government in the care of its citizens, as indicated by the minuscule scores on the Human Development Index which fails to adequately describe Northern Borland as:

• Being recorded as one of the least healthy societies to ever exist, lacking basic public healthcare with the highest obesity levels recorded by the World Census, coinciding with dangerous levels of Scurvy, Heart Disease and Cancer, allowing Northern Borland to be afflicted with one of the lowest estimated lifespans.
• A government whose only concern regarding the education of its citizens is to allow them to learn the role whilst working, resulting in many life limiting accidents, such as the worryingly high amount of Nuclear Spills seen in the nation.
• A place to visit should tourists wish to see a society polarised when it comes to income with the Rich leading lives of decadence and luxury whilst the poorer members of society- despite allegedly having the highest income per person- are scraping meager incomes from the irradiated wasteland which fails to properly provide adequate housing resulting in further early deaths from exposure.

Realising Northern Borland hosts the most brutally efficient economy ever seen, with the World Census indicating a monopoly on industries such as:

• The largest Beverage Industry, designed to keep its many denizens addicted and at constant risk of withdrawal, something usually easily treated but actively encouraged in Northern Borland.
• A booming Fast Food industry, which exacerbates the obesity levels and poor health within the nation.
• The daunting Gambling Industry, further cementing those in poverty through its addictive nature and poor regulation.
• The devastating Mining and Timber Industries notable due to the huge levels of deforestation and land displaced per year, proving that the nation's terrifyingly powerful economy is prioritised over any environmental legislation.
• The large Furniture Restoration and Book Printing Industries, likely directly tied to the deplorable unexpected Death Rate within the nation which needs to make coffins and funeral literature on an industrial scale.
• A worrying amount of arms being produced and bought by the nation which may further exacerbate the mounting Death Rate.
• The insurance industry’s corrupt lobbying against public healthcare and lack of fair payments allowing it to make astronomical profits in exchange for meager payouts to its many injured and often decreased clientele.

Noting that the people of Northern Borland are so free from taxation, a fact which the state proudly boasts is recognised as the most tax free, that the government is incapable of sustaining even the most basic infrastructure resulting in:

• No Public Transport, forcing its mostly poor citizens to buy vehicles made by the nation.
• No police force despite the many laws criminalizing the most trivial of things allowing organised crime organisations- who jokingly call themselves businesses to curry favour with the state- to literally get away with murder.
• No Defense Forces to protect its citizens from invading forces furthering the belief that the government of Northern Borland simply buys out its political opponents.
• A non-existent prison service likely resulting in kangaroo courts sentencing the many criminals of the nation and lynch mobs doling out the barbaric punishments permitted by the state including torture and public executions.
• Because of these cost saving measures an excessive sum is contributed to Corporate Welfare, likely the result of the excessively corrupt state.

Further noting a near perfect employment rate, partially due to the excessive child labour force, made illegal by the World Assembly by GAR#4,

Bewildered that a nation which actively installs identification chips into its subjects is capable of having half of them simply disappear and therefore believing this can only be intentional,

Conceding that Northern Borland is capable of doing great things, as highlighted by;

• Northern Borlands amazing scientific research, supporting itself in many ways including producing some of the most advanced and popular motor vehicles and somehow making its citizens some of the smartest in spite of their lack of education.
• Upholding more primitive traditions such as Basket Weaving on a truly amazing scale.
• Turning its mined and deforested wastelands into efficient livestock grazing land capable of not only supporting itself but also giving it the ability to supply nations abroad with the finest cheeses.
• A retail sector which is the envy of many surrounding states, which is the highlight of any tourist visits if the clientele is able to afford to do so in such a dangerous state.

Calling attention to the satellite states of Northern Borland including East Borland which has itself been designated as the single most corrupt and charmless nation ever seen, with mining and insurance sector which rivals its mother colony as well as the most primitive and religious society Deep South Borland, a surprisingly peaceful and beautiful nation, whose weather alone is worth the pilgrimage which would have to be taken to get there,

Believing that this resolution should serve as a warning to nations that the Security Council will not tolerate such flagrantly abusive practices,

Hereby Condemns Northern Borland

Condemn Northern Borland

The Security Council,

Believing it is the place of the Security Council to hold nations to the World Assembly's very high standards, regardless of membership,

Appalled that the government of the [nation=long]Northern Borland[/nation] has for too long escaped the consequences of their actions, which have created a nearly completely uninhabitable environment for anyone not among the richest decile - and further appalled that these actions have even been lauded by this very council,

Alarmed that almost every Northern Borlandian residing in the nation is obese, with the nation ranking first in the world for highest percentage of obese people.
Disgusted by the gross negligence of its government in the care of its citizens, as indicated by the minuscule scores on the Human Development Index, which fails to adequately describe Northern Borland as:

• Being recorded as one of the least healthy societies to ever exist, lacking basic public healthcare, with the highest obesity levels recorded by the World Census, coinciding with dangerous levels of Scurvy, Heart Disease and Cancer, allowing Northern Borland to be afflicted with one of the lowest estimated lifespans.
• A nation whose only concern regarding the education of its citizens is to allow them to learn the role whilst working, resulting in many life limiting accidents, such as the worryingly high amount of Nuclear Spills seen in the nation.
• A place to visit should you wish to see a society polarised when it comes to income, with the Rich leading lives of decadence and luxury, whilst the poorer members of society- despite allegedly having the highest income per person- are scraping meager incomes from the irradiated wasteland, which fails to properly provide adequate housing, resulting in further early deaths from exposure.

Realising Northern Borland hosts the most brutally efficient economy ever seen, with the World Census indicating a monopoly on industries such as:

• The largest Beverage Industry, designed to keep its many denizens addicted and at constant risk of withdrawal, something usually easily treated- but actively encouraged in Northern Borland.
• A booming Fast Food industry, which exacerbates the obesity levels and poor health within the nation.
• The daunting Gambling Industry, further cementing those in poverty as likely to stay there through its addictive nature and poor regulation.
• The devastating Mining and Timber Industries, notable due to the huge levels of deforestation and land displaced per year, proving that the nation's terrifyingly powerful economy is prioritised over its environment, which has been devastated.
• The saddening Furniture Restoration and Book Printing Industries, likely directly tied to the deplorable unexpected Death Rate within the nation, which makes coffins and funeral literature on an industrial scale.
• A worrying amount of arms being produced and bought by the nation, meaning you cannot walk into any dwellings without being confronted by a huge variety of weapons.
• The insurance industry’s corrupt lobbying against public healthcare and lack of fair payments, allowing them to make astronomical profits in exchange for meager payouts to its many injured and often decreased clientele.

Noting that the people of Northern Borland are so free from taxation- a fact which the state proudly boasts is recognised by the World Census as the most tax free- that the government is incapable of sustaining even the most basic infrastructure, resulting in:

• No Public Transport, forcing its citizens to buy vehicles made by the nation, despite their poverty rate.
• No police force despite the many laws criminalizing the most trivial of things, allowing organised crime organisations- who jokingly call themselves businesses to curry favour with the state- to literally get away with murder.
• No Defense Forces to protect its citizens from invading forces, furthering the belief that Northern Borland simply buys out its political opponents.
• A non-existent Prison service, resulting in kangaroo courts sentencing the many criminals of the nation, and lynch mobs doling out the barbaric punishments permitted by the states, rumoured to include dismemberment, torture, and public executions.
• Because of these cost saving measures, an excessive sum contributed to Corporate Welfare, likely the result of the excessively corrupt state.

Further noting a near perfect employment rate, partially due to the excessive child labour force, barred by the World Assembly by GAR#4,

Bewildered that a nation which actively installs identification chips into its subjects is capable of losing over half of them, and therefore believing this can only be intentional,

Conceding that Northern Borland is capable of doing great things, as highlighted by;

• Northern Borlands amazing scientific research, supporting itself in many ways, including producing some of the most advanced motor vehicles, and despite lack of education somehow making its citizens some of the smartest.
• Despite this, upholding primitive traditions such as Basket Weaving on a truly amazing scale.
• Turning its mined and deforested wastelands into efficient livestock grazing land, capable of not only over-supporting North Borland, but giving it the ability to supply nations abroad with the finest cheeses.
• A retail sector which is the envy of many surrounding states, which is the highlight of any tourist visits- should the clientele be able to afford to do so in such a dangerous state.

Calling attention to the satellite states of Northern Borland including East Borland-which has itself been designated as the single most corrupt and charmless nation ever seen, with mining and insurance sector which rivals its mother colony- and the most primitive and religious society Deep South Borland, a surprisingly peaceful and beautiful nation, whose weather alone is worth the pilgrimage you would have to take to get there,

Believing that this resolution should serve as a warning to such nations that the Security Council will not tolerate such flagrantly abusive practices,

Hereby Condemns Northern Borland

For the record I've been sat on this for quite some time, and Honeydewstania did help with a couple of bits but at this time I'm not sure if they're willing to put their name to it. If they are I'll be adding the co-author.

[Apatosaurus]

Based. Full support.

[Guess and Check]

Support for nominee.

NOt sure if the usage of "you" is legal per 4.b., so I would suggest rewording those clauses. (Ofc I may be wrong on this though).

I'm not someone who knows much about stats so I can't comment on content. But narrative-wise though, you tend to use a lot of commas to convey your information, which leads to readers pausing a lot more than they should. But otherwise it's a pretty great draft.

Feedback:

Appalled that the government of the [nation=long]Northern Borland[/nation] has for too long escaped the consequences of their actions, which have created a nearly completely uninhabitable environment for anyone not among the richest decile, -and further appalledhorrified that these actions were oncehave even been lauded by this very council,

"Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions..." just made me think of that quote xD.

Anyways, would recommend a comma. Other changes are stylistic.

Disgusted by the gross negligence of its government in the care of its citizens, as indicated by the minuscule scores on the Human Development Index, which fails to adequately describe Northern Borland as:

This has too many commas, and the middle sub-clause reads as an appositive (i.e. extra information about the subject, in this case the government), but is then used as a transition to the list. This makes it a bit of a confusing structure and I think justifies rewording this a tad bit to remove a comma.

Being recorded as one of the least healthy societies to ever exist, lacking basic public healthcare, with the highest obesity levels recorded by the World Census, coinciding with dangerous levels of Scurvy, Heart Disease and Cancer, allowing Northern Borland to be afflicted with one of the lowest estimated lifespans.

This clause also would benefit from a comma reduction- it tends to read as a run-on.

A nation whose only concern regarding the education of its citizens is to allow them to learn the role whilst working, resulting in many life limiting accidents such as the worryingly high amount of Nuclear Spills seen in the nation.

Remove comma

A place to visit should you wish to see a society polarised when it comes to income, with the Rich leading lives of decadence and luxury, whilst the poorer members of society- despite allegedly having the highest income per person- are scraping meager incomes from the irradiated wasteland, which fails to properly provide adequate housing, resulting in further early deaths from exposure.

I think it needs rewording because of "you", but otherwise would replace ", resulting" with "and results"

The largest Beverage Industry, designed to keep its many denizens addicted and at constant risk of withdrawal, something usually easily treated- but actively encouraged in Northern Borland.

Remove dash

The daunting Gambling Industry, further cementing those in poverty as likely to stay there through its addictive nature and poor regulation.

"Likely to stay there" is a bit fluff and could be removed.

The devastating Mining and Timber Industries, notable due to the huge levels of deforestation and land displaced per year, proving that the nation's terrifyingly powerful economy is prioritised over environmental preservationits environment, which has been devastated.

less commas

The saddening Furniture Restoration and Book Printing Industries, likely directly tied to the deplorable unexpected Death Rate within the nation, which makes coffins and funeral literature on an industrial scale.

It's a bit unclear if the coffin industry is a result of the Industries stat or the death rate stat, so would recommend rewording to make clear.

A worrying amount of arms being produced and bought by the nation, meaning you cannot walk into any dwellings without being confronted by a huge variety of weapons.

Not sure of "you" being used here to could be reworded

The insurance industry’s corrupt lobbying against public healthcare and lack of fair payments, allowing themit to make astronomical profits in exchange for meager payouts to its many injured and often decreased clientele.

Noting that the people of Northern Borland are so free from taxation- a fact which the state proudly boasts is recognised by the World Census as the most tax free- that the government is incapable of sustaining even the most basic infrastructure, resulting in:

Not sure the phrase in dashes is necessary as all of this is recognized by the World Census after all. If anything, you can just add (as recognized by the World Census) after "free from taxation".

No Public Transport, forcing its mostly poor citizens to buy vehicles made by the nation, despite their poverty rate.

Simplifing

A non-existent Prison service, resulting in kangaroo courts sentencing the many criminals of the nation, and lynch mobs doling out the barbaric punishments permitted by the states, rumoured to include dismemberment, torture, and public executions.

Also has too many commas and can use some rewording.

Further noting a near perfect employment rate, partially due to the excessive child labour force, barred by the World Assembly by GAR#4,

I would stress on child labor being "illegal" under WA law. Being explicit helps resolutions feel a bit more stronger.

Bewildered that a nation which actively installs identification chips into its subjects is capable of losing over half of them, and therefore believing this can only be intentional,

What's the IC argument here? That the government is actively ignoring its citizens removing their chips? Not really clear here, could use elaboration.

Northern Borland's amazing scientific research, supporting itself in many ways, includingwhich includes producing some of the most advanced motor vehicles, and despite lack of educationsomehow making its citizens some of the smartest in the world despite lack of proper education .

To help it read a bit better

Despite this, upholding primitive traditions such as Basket Weaving on a truly amazing scale.

I would suggest removing "despite this"

Turning its mined and deforested wastelands into efficient livestock grazing land, make the nation capable of not only over-supporting North Borlanditself, but and giving it the ability to supply nations abroad with the finest cheeses.

A retail sector which is the envy of many surrounding states, which isand the highlight of any tourist visits- should the clientele be able to afford to dodoing so in such a dangerous state.

Calling attention to the satellite states of Northern Borland including East Borland-which has itself been designated as the single most corrupt and charmless nation ever seen, with mining and insurance sector which rivals its mother colony- and the most primitive and religious society Deep South Borland, a surprisingly peaceful and beautiful nation, whose weather alone is worth the pilgrimage you would have to take to get there,

Too many pauses, would suggest rewording to make it flow better.

Believing that this resolution should serve as a warning to such nations that the Security Council will not tolerate such flagrantly abusive practices,

Avoid repetition

[Apatosaurus]

While I'm entirely for, I decided to give some edits

This is a nation based Condemn, so theres no mention of any foreign affairs stuff because frankly that's not the impressive (or condemnable) part of NB.

Fixed that for you :P

Condemn Northern Borland

The Security Council,

Believing it is the place of the Security Council to hold nations to the World Assembly's very high standards, regardless of membership, My brain... I didn't know that the SC held everyone to very high standards. Unless we're going to condemn you for having bronze badges for defense forces and patriotism. Entirely reword this, really.

Appalled that the government of the [nation=long]Northern Borland[/nation] has for too long escaped the consequences of their actions, which have created a nearly completely uninhabitable environment for anyone not among the richest decile - and further appalled that these actions have even been lauded by this very council, "have even been lauded by this very council" I don't think that the fact that they were once Commended means that they must be Condemnable. This just seems confusing.

Alarmed that almost every Northern Borlandian residing in the nation is obese, with the nation ranking first in the world for highest percentage of obese people. Why is this ended with a full stop when every other clause is ended with a comma, and shouldn't there be a blank line between this clause and the "Disgusted" list?
Disgusted by the gross negligence of its government in the care of its citizens, as indicated by the minuscule scores on the Human Development Index, which fails to adequately describe Northern Borland as: "Fails to adequately describe Northern Borland as " What does this mean and what is it in reference to...?

• Being recorded as one of the least healthy societies to ever exist, lacking basic public healthcare, with the highest obesity levels recorded by the World Census, coinciding with dangerous levels of Scurvy, Heart Disease and Cancer, allowing Northern Borland to be afflicted with one of the lowest estimated lifespans. Change the full stops in the lists with semicolons.
• A nation whose only concern regarding the education of its citizens is to allow them to learn the role whilst working, resulting in many life limiting accidents, such as the worryingly high amount of Nuclear Spills seen in the nation.
• A place to visit should you wish to see a society polarised when it comes to income, with the Rich leading lives of decadence and luxury, whilst the poorer members of society- despite allegedly having the highest income per person- are scraping meager incomes from the irradiated wasteland, which fails to properly provide adequate housing, resulting in further early deaths from exposure.

Realising Northern Borland hosts the most brutally efficient economy ever seen, with the World Census indicating a monopoly on industries such as:

• The largest Beverage Industry, designed to keep its many denizens addicted and at constant risk of withdrawal, something usually easily treated- but actively encouraged in Northern Borland.
• A booming Fast Food industry, which exacerbates the obesity levels and poor health within the nation.
• The daunting Gambling Industry, further cementing those in poverty as likely to stay there through its addictive nature and poor regulation.
• The devastating Mining and Timber Industries, notable due to the huge levels of deforestation and land displaced per year, proving that the nation's terrifyingly powerful economy is prioritised over its environment, which has been devastated.
• The saddening Furniture Restoration and Book Printing Industries, likely directly tied to the deplorable unexpected Death Rate within the nation, which makes coffins and funeral literature on an industrial scale.
• A worrying amount of arms being produced and bought by the nation, meaning you cannot walk into any dwellings without being confronted by a huge variety of weapons.
• The insurance industry’s corrupt lobbying against public healthcare and lack of fair payments, allowing them to make astronomical profits in exchange for meager payouts to its many injured and often decreased clientele.

Noting that the people of Northern Borland are so free from taxation- a fact which the state proudly boasts is recognised by the World Census as the most tax free- that the government is incapable of sustaining even the most basic infrastructure, resulting in:

• No Public Transport, forcing its citizens to buy vehicles made by the nation, despite their poverty rate.
• No police force despite the many laws criminalizing the most trivial of things, allowing organised crime organisations- who jokingly call themselves businesses to curry favour with the state- to literally get away with murder.
• No Defense Forces to protect its citizens from invading forces, furthering the belief that Northern Borland simply buys out its political opponents.
• A non-existent Prison service, resulting in kangaroo courts sentencing the many criminals of the nation, and lynch mobs doling out the barbaric punishments permitted by the states, rumoured to include dismemberment, torture, and public executions.
• Because of these cost saving measures, an excessive sum contributed to Corporate Welfare, likely the result of the excessively corrupt state.

Further noting a near perfect employment rate, partially due to the excessive child labour force, barred by the World Assembly by GAR#4,

Bewildered that a nation which actively installs identification chips into its subjects is capable of losing over half of them, and therefore believing this can only be intentional,

Conceding that Northern Borland is capable of doing great things, as highlighted by;

• Northern Borlands amazing scientific research, supporting itself in many ways, including producing some of the most advanced motor vehicles, and despite lack of education somehow making its citizens some of the smartest.
• Despite this, upholding primitive traditions such as Basket Weaving on a truly amazing scale.
• Turning its mined and deforested wastelands into efficient livestock grazing land, capable of not only over-supporting North Borland, but giving it the ability to supply nations abroad with the finest cheeses.
• A retail sector which is the envy of many surrounding states, which is the highlight of any tourist visits- should the clientele be able to afford to do so in such a dangerous state.

Calling attention to the satellite states of Northern Borland including East Borland-which has itself been designated as the single most corrupt and charmless nation ever seen, with mining and insurance sector which rivals its mother colony- Surely you can add a lot more detail on East Borland? For example, it has the ninth highest death rates, patriotism and obesity, and has one of the lowest inclusiveness, environmental beauty, integrity, pacifism and cheerfulness. Also mention the fact that the flag gives me an aneurysm every time I have to look at it. and the most primitive and religious society Deep South Borland, a surprisingly peaceful and beautiful nation, whose weather alone is worth the pilgrimage you would have to take to get there, and

Believing that this resolution should serve as a warning to such nations that the Security Council will not tolerate such flagrantly abusive practices,

Hereby Condemns Northern Borland

[Honeydewistania]

Does Northern Borland want this? If I recall that was a pretty important factor in deciding people's votes against the commendation and votes for the subsequent repeal

[Radicalania]

Support for nominee.

NOt sure if the usage of "you" is legal per 4.b., so I would suggest rewording those clauses. (Ofc I may be wrong on this though).

I'm not someone who knows much about stats so I can't comment on content. But narrative-wise though, you tend to use a lot of commas to convey your information, which leads to readers pausing a lot more than they should. But otherwise it's a pretty great draft.

Thanks! I'll go through my draft now and try and un-comma it, it's a habit I've picked up back in ye olde school and have never managed to shake. I'll try and reword some of the you's out as well, just in case.

Does Northern Borland want this? If I recall that was a pretty important factor in deciding people's votes against the commendation and votes for the subsequent repeal

Yes, I recall those arguments, and your response to them

[Giovanniland]

NOt sure if the usage of "you" is legal per 4.b., so I would suggest rewording those clauses. (Ofc I may be wrong on this though).

Even if it doesn't fall afoul of the rules, it certainly sounds very weirdly when remembering this is a resolution by the WA. I think changing "you" to the more general "one" would work.

[Honeydewistania]

Does Northern Borland want this? If I recall that was a pretty important factor in deciding people's votes against the commendation and votes for the subsequent repeal

Yes, I recall those arguments, and your response to them

So… do they want it?

[Radicalania]

So… do they want it?

As I imagine you're aware, I've not yet asked. Wanted to get feedback and see if theres General support for another attempt on NB before asking them.

Draft 2 up.

[Lenlyvit]

So… do they want it?

As I imagine you're aware, I've not yet asked. Wanted to get feedback and see if theres General support for another attempt on NB before asking them.

Draft 2 up.

Typically we ask the nominee before writing the proposal...

[Thousand Branches]

Yeah I’ll potentially support and write up some edits for this resolution once the nominee has confirmed they actually want this.

[Radicalania]

That's my bad then, I got it the wrong way round. I've contacted NB and will either can it or let y'all know as soon as I do.

In my defense I wrote this immediately after I proposed the repeal intending to do a repeal of their commendation and replace believing that NB had consented to having an SCR targetted at them.

[Minskiev]

My only meaningful contribution would be that clauses following lists don't need a space between the list and the clause in the OP. Example:
list point 1
list point 2

clause x

should be:
list point 1
list point 2
clause x

The end of any list already gives space for the below line. As of right now there's a large gap between clauses and list ends.

[Wascoitan]

for, despite the author.