America the Beautiful: An American Political RP (Congress)

[Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi]

United States House of Representatives

Representative Thomas Volker
(Republican- 8th Congressional District of Missouri)
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

Volker wrote a quick note and passed it to the Speaker

Representative Gene Goper
(Republican- 4th Congressional District of Alabama)
Speaker pro Tempore of the United States House of Representatives

Gene read the order quickly.

Dearest Gene

It has come to my attention that there are insufficient votes to proceed with the Clean Congress Act, as I am hearing murmurings of discontent in my caucus. Our party cannot afford such a defeat this early on. Please remove the Clean Congress Act off the Agenda until such time where we can potentially gather the votes

Always Your's
Thomas

"The Chair would like to announce a change in the docket of the House with the Clean Congress Act being taken off the agenda for the time being. Reflecting a change in the docket the Chair will give the opportunity for members to withdraw their motion to proceed with the docket if they wish."

“Seeing no withdrawals, the House will now take up the MARKET act. The chair invites the gentlewoman from Maine to present her piece of legislation.”

[New Cobastheia]

United States Senate
Senator William S. Rogers III [D-MT]

"Mr. President, I second the motion made by the Senator from Michigan."

Senator Eugene Obradovic
[Democratic - State of Illinois]
{President pro tempore of the United States Senate}

"Without objection, the motion is carried. The gentleman from Michigan is invited to lay out the amendment."

"Thank you Mr. President," Hertzog started as he rose up from his chair, "While I generally agree with the bill and its objective of taking on China, I feel that this amendment would greatly improve Section 4 of this bill."

"As currently written, the bill only provides $10 billion for both designing and implementing a supply-chain crisis management program and for creating and designating ten regional technology hubs. That'd only be around $500 million each for each hub seeing as a good chunk of that $10 billion will be heading for the supply-chain management program. $500 million just isn't enough to set up a regional technology hub that could compete with China any time soon. At the same time, I think we can agree that all Americans would be better off if we're all able to feel the economic benefits of however much is spent on these hubs into our regional communities. And unless something in this bill requires that the technology hub be evenly spread around the country, places like the Upper Midwest and the Deep South are going to be overlooked when it comes time for the Executive Branch to figure out where they're going to place the hubs."

"Both programs, the supply-chain crisis management program and the regional technology hubs, need to be funded with enough money for Americans to see the benefits of these programs. At the same time, no American should be left out of the economic gains the regional technology hubs would bring to their regional communities just because their communities were overlooked. Therefore, this amendment seeks to put $10 billion solely into the supply-chain management program, a separate $20 billion solely for the regional technology hubs, which would come out to $2 billion each for each hub, and establishes that each sub-region of our country as defined by the Census Bureau will see a technology hub within their borders."

"It's for those reasons that I've put this amendment forward and it's for those reasons that I hope the majority of my colleagues will support this amendment. With that, I yield the rest of my time to the chair."

[Gordano and Lysandus]

Senator Eugene Obradovic
[Democratic - State of Illinois]
{President pro tempore of the United States Senate}

"The floor of the Senate is open to questions regarding the amendment, otherwise the chair would be amenable to a motion to end questioning on the amendment."

[The Orion Islands]

Senator Colbert: “Why are the East North Central states granted two technology hubs, considering that the Pacific and South Atlantic regions are both more populated?”

[Gordano and Lysandus]

United States House of Representatives
Staff of Representative Abigail Jekyll-Jones [R-OR-2]

Representative Jekyll-Jones' staff submits the following bill to the hopper for the House.

Federal Restriction on Excessive Enclaves Act

A BILL
To restrain the holding of vast quantities of land within the states by the Federal Government, and restore that territory to the States, to be managed and distributed according to the laws and popular sovereignty of the States.

Sponsor: Representative Abigail Jekyll-Jones of Oregon (R)
Senate Sponsors:
House Sponsors: Representative Diane Paulson of Maine (R)

SECTION 1: SHORT TITLE

This Act may be cited as the “Federal Restriction on Excessive Enclaves Act".

SECTION 2: ASSESSMENT OF THE PERCENTILE OF FEDERAL LAND HELD FROM THE STATES

1. The Inspector General of the Department of the Interior shall be required to report to the President and to the Congress the percentile of territory within each state that is held by the Federal Government from the jurisdiction and power of the States, including offshore holdings.
2. The percentile shall be calculated with regards to all lands held by all executive departments and agencies of the Federal Government, excluding the Departments of Defense and Homeland Security.
3. The Inspector General of the Department of the Interior shall also be required to report to the Congress within 12 months a fair and reasoned assessment of the loss in taxable income to the individual States on account of the deprivation of their jurisdiction and power over that territory, indexed to inflation.

SECTION 3: RESTORATION OF TERRITORY TO THE SEVERAL STATES

1. The executive departments and agencies of the Federal Government, excluding the Departments of Defense and Homeland Security, will be required to divest themselves of a sufficient quantity of federal land within the several States such as to go below a target percentile.
2. That percentile shall be pinned as such -
   
   1. 80% by December 31st, 2022.
   2. 60% by December 31st, 2024.
   3. 40% by December 31st, 2026.
   4. 25% by December 31st, 2028.
3. At no point after the deadline date may the executive departments and agencies of the Federal Government acquire new federal lands in excess of the percentile to which they are bound.

SECTION 4: RESTRICTION ON LAND TRANSFER AS A LOOPHOLE TO THE REQUIREMENTS OF THIS ACT

Land may not be transferred from any executive department or agency of the Federal Government to the Department of Defense or Homeland Security to evade the provisions of this act, without a congressional waiver approved by both chambers of Congress.

[Velahor]

United States House of Representatives

Representative Thomas Volker
(Republican- 8th Congressional District of Missouri)
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

Volker wrote a quick note and passed it to the Speaker

Representative Gene Goper
(Republican- 4th Congressional District of Alabama)
Speaker pro Tempore of the United States House of Representatives

Gene read the order quickly.

Dearest Gene

It has come to my attention that there are insufficient votes to proceed with the Clean Congress Act, as I am hearing murmurings of discontent in my caucus. Our party cannot afford such a defeat this early on. Please remove the Clean Congress Act off the Agenda until such time where we can potentially gather the votes

Always Your's
Thomas

"The Chair would like to announce a change in the docket of the House with the Clean Congress Act being taken off the agenda for the time being. Reflecting a change in the docket the Chair will give the opportunity for members to withdraw their motion to proceed with the docket if they wish."

“Seeing no withdrawals, the House will now take up the MARKET act. The chair invites the gentlewoman from Maine to present her piece of legislation.”

United States House of Representatives
Congresswoman Diane Paulson [R-ME-2]

“Thank you Mr. Speaker.”

“The Meat Access, Regulation, Knowledge, and Ethical Treatment Act is a bipartisan bill designed to authorize the interstate sale of state-inspected meat products, authorize the commercial intrastate sale of custom-slaughtered meat, and to appropriate funds to a meat inspection training program administered by the Department of Agriculture.”

“Currently, state-run slaughter facilities are required by law to have a USDA meat inspector on site at all times while they are operating, and if not, they cannot engage in interstate sale of meat products. Section 2 of the MARKET Act reduces these regulations to instead require periodic, risk-based inspections by the USDA in states that run their own meat inspection programs that operate at standards approved by the USDA. States that do not have their own meat inspection programs will continue to only have federally-inspected meatpacking facilities within their borders. In effect, this is simply an automatic opt-in for all states who have their own meat inspection facilities into the existing Cooperative Interstate Shipping Program, but with higher standards for meatpackers than that now-obsolete program.”

“Section 3 authorizes states to conduct their own inspections of small for-profit custom slaughter operations. A custom slaughter operation is Currently, the USDA must have an inspector on site any time that a custom-slaughter operation decides to sell meat for profit. This section allows states with their own meat inspection programs to set their own regulatory schemes for for-profit custom slaughter operations that sell meat directly to customers. This section also provides for both states with their own inspection programs and states only inspected by the USDA to have the choice to opt-in to the “Interstate Custom-Slaughter Reciprocity Program,” which will be a program where states can opt-in to the interstate sale and purchase of custom-slaughtered meat.”

“Finally, Section 4 further addresses the outstanding shortage of meat inspectors in the USDA by providing a paid internship program for college students majoring in fields like Agriculture, Biology, Pre-Veterinary, and Agribusiness to work within the USDA’s meat inspection division. We hope that it will encourage more young people to take employment in this industry, preventing staff shortages in the meat processing industry.”

“This bill will help all Americans by making meat more affordable for consumers. It will help create a freer, fairer market in an industry currently dominated by multinational corporations. It will pass more profits onto America’s family farmers. And it will ensure that we have a consistent supply chain of beef, pork, lamb, and poultry in our nation for years to come.”

“Mr. Speaker, I move to begin the questioning period on the MARKET Act.”

[The Orion Islands]

United States Senate
Senator Everitt Colbert (R-UT)
Colbert inserts his bill to the hopper while he waits for his question to be answered.

Defense of the Pacific Act

A BILL
To Better Provide For The Defense of Americans in the Pacific

Sponsor: Everitt Colbert
Senate Sponsors:
House Sponsors: Caroline Simone, Earl Tenson

Total Expense: $7,400,000,000

SECTION 1: SHORT TITLE

This Act may be cited as the "Defense of the Pacific Act".

SECTION 2: Air Defense of Guam

The United States Department of Defense is hereby appropriated $1,600,000,000 for the construction of a 360 degree persistent and integrated air defense system in the United States Territory of Guam.

SECTION 3: Complementary Air Defense Radar

The air defense system in Guam authorized by section 2 is to be served and complimented by a high frequency radar system in Palau, with the Department of Defense being appropriated $200,000,000 for this system.

SECTION 4: Space Based Radar Systems

The United States Space Force is hereby appropriated $2,300,000,000 for the construction and operations of space based radar systems to provide a first warning of any attacks on the United States, and in particular, Guam and its other Pacific possessions.

SECTION 5: Ground Based Missile Systems

The United States Department of Defense is hereby appropriated $3,300,000,000 for the construction and operations of ground based, long range missile fires with ranges in excess of 500 kilometers to make up highly survivable, precision strike networks along the First Island Chain. Such missile systems shall include both surface-to-surface and surface-to-air capabilities.

He then wrote a note to the Majority Leader.

Senator Hertzog, the defense bill I just submitted has the backing of both the White House and a former Democratic Speaker of the House. I would like to see this placed on the agenda for when Endless Frontier and the ARA pass.
Everitt Colbert

[Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi]

United States House of Representatives

Representative Thomas Volker
(Republican- 8th Congressional District of Missouri)
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

"I second the motion to begin questioning."

Representative Gene Goper
(Republican- 4th Congressional District of Alabama)
Speaker pro Tempore of the United States House of Representatives

"Seeing a second and no objection the questioning period will start."

[Gordano and Lysandus]

United States House of Representatives

Representative Thomas Volker
(Republican- 8th Congressional District of Missouri)
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

"I second the motion to begin questioning."

Representative Gene Goper
(Republican- 4th Congressional District of Alabama)
Speaker pro Tempore of the United States House of Representatives

"Seeing a second and no objection the questioning period will start."

Representative Abigail Jekyll-Jones
[Republican - 2nd District of the State of Oregon]

"To pre-empt the comments of a number of my colleagues across the aisle, could the Representative from Maine clarify how the bill has no impact whatsoever on the actual material basis of meat regulations?"

[New Cobastheia]

Senator Colbert: “Why are the East North Central states granted two technology hubs, considering that the Pacific and South Atlantic regions are both more populated?”

United States Senate
Senator Benjamin Hertzog [D-MI]
{Senate Majority Leader}

"Thank you for the question, Senator Colbert."

"The reasoning for that is quite simple, the Pacific and South Atlantic divisions already have areas within them we could define as the type of thing these regional technology hubs are trying to set up. In the Pacific division there's obviously Silicon Valley and Seattle. In the South Atlantic you have the Research Triangle in North Carolina, not to mention the tech industries in DC and Atlanta. At the same time, the East North Central division is the most populated part of the country without any major tech presence. In New England you have Boston, in the Middle Atlantic you have New York City, in the West South Central states you have Austin. That leaves the East North Central, the East South Central, the West North Central, and the Mountain divisions. And when you look at the population of those four regions, the East North Central has about twice as many people as each other division and from that angle, the East North Central has the most untapped potential, because of all that I think it'd be perfectly fair to place two of the tech hubs there."

[Newne Carriebean7]

United States House of Representatives
Representative Maxine Caroline Durant [R-MS-3]

"M'star Speaka.

I've got a whol lot o' concerns wit this here a'bill that my good friend from the yankeefied state o' Maine has submitted to the record. Now here we is a poppin' some questions on this here bill. Now, lemme start by askin the representative from Maine a few, honest questions. Before I ask my questions, I wanna give everyone here a lil' background that ain't too much. I was a journalist for the local paper before I stood before y'all inn' t' halls o' Congress. I did an investigation on a questionable deer n' game processin' facility inna my own community. The conditions of which ought to concern every good, god lovin' meat eatin' American. Sorry Vegans. Lemme git to t' point n' questions I was a g'an n' do fer this here 'ill onna thems ree-publicans dockets.

I must first ask why are we wasting one point five million dollars in the budget of the USDA for internship programs? As my most beloved senator from Mississippi once remarked to me in his office 'interns are a lot like slaves, ain't they'. I thought that we had passed the 13th Amendment to outlaw such a travesty of justice, but I suppose some people think they're low 'nough fer its. Would this money be better spent instead of training for internships, why not gives those college students a forty hour work-week that they'll be happy wit? Why not give 'em payin' jobs instead of unpaid slave labor? Are there secret agreements between the Colleges and the U.S Department of Agriculture that will prevent these promising young students from being employed, but having the burden of a job where you look, but don't touch yer pay-checks? Will these workers, n' I use that term loosely, be like an illegal immigrant that hopped over from a wetback crap-hole of a country? Is the illegal migrant n' imma'gant better than the hard working American college student that he may be gainfully employed, while the rest of us hard working American folks have to suffer with simple jobs that don't pay nothin' more than what donuts y'all git inna the break room?

I've got serious concerns with this bill, and I'll continue wit my questionin'. I quote directly from the bill:
(Subsection A) This act hereby eliminates the Department of Agriculture ”continuous inspection” requirement from “for-profit custom slaughter operations.' end quote.

Good Lord, I haven't read somethin' as terrifyin' inna my life!

Don't we owe it to our constituents n' farmers n' even big city folks that they'll know the food they eat won't give 'em the runs or the cha cha chas? Would this lead to a possible case where, say a facility passes a 'random inspection', then next month they bungle up their food service n' say... serve us up some raw hamburger contaminated with e-coli. Then you'd have all these shipments o' burgers n' raw meats g'an'n' out, n' then y'all gits an epe-demic right onna yer hands! This ain't a matter o' state's rights, it's plain simple a matter of public safety. I doubt anyone gathered here seriously scoffs at the concepts of washin' yer hands n' ensurin' the food we serve is safe n' sound. But, this bill raises serious concerns with that. I know we'll always have a risk of some dumb feller gittin' sick 'cause he licked a raw hamburger while intoxicated on rubber cee-ment n' glue. But, I'd rather that small risk not be extended out over multiple communities n' even multiple states because we wanna save a damn penny just 'cause of 'state's rights' n' stuff like that. Who will be held liable inna the ee-event that because o' the lack of federal oversight,
Oh, and I noticed that y'all didn't mention D.C. As a matter of fact, I just had a meal wit a nice gentlemen. Will this bill, if passed by both houses n' not vetoed by the President, wh-what will it do fer the District o' Columbia? What about other territories of the United States, the largest inna my mind bein' Puerto Rico. It ain't as civilized as the rest o' us states, n' their infrastructure ain't too good. Are you absolutely certain that their local areas will be able to handle, say an outbreak of e-coli because there ain't no continuous inspection on that island?"

[Gordano and Lysandus]

United States House of Representatives
Representative Maxine Caroline Durant [R-MS-3]

"M'star Speaka.

I've got a whol lot o' concerns wit this here a'bill that my good friend from the yankeefied state o' Maine has submitted to the record. Now here we is a poppin' some questions on this here bill. Now, lemme start by askin the representative from Maine a few, honest questions. Before I ask my questions, I wanna give everyone here a lil' background that ain't too much. I was a journalist for the local paper before I stood before y'all inn' t' halls o' Congress. I did an investigation on a questionable deer n' game processin' facility inna my own community. The conditions of which ought to concern every good, god lovin' meat eatin' American. Sorry Vegans. Lemme git to t' point n' questions I was a g'an n' do fer this here 'ill onna thems ree-publicans dockets.

I must first ask why are we wasting one point five million dollars in the budget of the USDA for internship programs? As my most beloved senator from Mississippi once remarked to me in his office 'interns are a lot like slaves, ain't they'. I thought that we had passed the 13th Amendment to outlaw such a travesty of justice, but I suppose some people think they're low 'nough fer its. Would this money be better spent instead of training for internships, why not gives those college students a forty hour work-week that they'll be happy wit? Why not give 'em payin' jobs instead of unpaid slave labor? Are there secret agreements between the Colleges and the U.S Department of Agriculture that will prevent these promising young students from being employed, but having the burden of a job where you look, but don't touch yer pay-checks? Will these workers, n' I use that term loosely, be like an illegal immigrant that hopped over from a wetback crap-hole of a country? Is the illegal migrant n' imma'gant better than the hard working American college student that he may be gainfully employed, while the rest of us hard working American folks have to suffer with simple jobs that don't pay nothin' more than what donuts y'all git inna the break room?

I've got serious concerns with this bill, and I'll continue wit my questionin'. I quote directly from the bill:
(Subsection A) This act hereby eliminates the Department of Agriculture ”continuous inspection” requirement from “for-profit custom slaughter operations.' end quote.

Good Lord, I haven't read somethin' as terrifyin' inna my life!

Don't we owe it to our constituents n' farmers n' even big city folks that they'll know the food they eat won't give 'em the runs or the cha cha chas? Would this lead to a possible case where, say a facility passes a 'random inspection', then next month they bungle up their food service n' say... serve us up some raw hamburger contaminated with e-coli. Then you'd have all these shipments o' burgers n' raw meats g'an'n' out, n' then y'all gits an epe-demic right onna yer hands! This ain't a matter o' state's rights, it's plain simple a matter of public safety. I doubt anyone gathered here seriously scoffs at the concepts of washin' yer hands n' ensurin' the food we serve is safe n' sound. But, this bill raises serious concerns with that. I know we'll always have a risk of some dumb feller gittin' sick 'cause he licked a raw hamburger while intoxicated on rubber cee-ment n' glue. But, I'd rather that small risk not be extended out over multiple communities n' even multiple states because we wanna save a damn penny just 'cause of 'state's rights' n' stuff like that. Who will be held liable inna the ee-event that because o' the lack of federal oversight,
Oh, and I noticed that y'all didn't mention D.C. As a matter of fact, I just had a meal wit a nice gentlemen. Will this bill, if passed by both houses n' not vetoed by the President, wh-what will it do fer the District o' Columbia? What about other territories of the United States, the largest inna my mind bein' Puerto Rico. It ain't as civilized as the rest o' us states, n' their infrastructure ain't too good. Are you absolutely certain that their local areas will be able to handle, say an outbreak of e-coli because there ain't no continuous inspection on that island?"

Representative Caroline Simone
[Democratic - 12th District of the State of New York]

A look of baffled incredulity can be seen on the former Speaker's face as Representative Durant's longwinded question unfolds in its many layers and complexities, not least when the card-carrying, anti-communist Republican comes down on the side in favor of government regulation.

[Velahor]

United States House of Representatives
Representative Maxine Caroline Durant [R-MS-3]

"M'star Speaka.

I've got a whol lot o' concerns wit this here a'bill that my good friend from the yankeefied state o' Maine has submitted to the record. Now here we is a poppin' some questions on this here bill. Now, lemme start by askin the representative from Maine a few, honest questions. Before I ask my questions, I wanna give everyone here a lil' background that ain't too much. I was a journalist for the local paper before I stood before y'all inn' t' halls o' Congress. I did an investigation on a questionable deer n' game processin' facility inna my own community. The conditions of which ought to concern every good, god lovin' meat eatin' American. Sorry Vegans. Lemme git to t' point n' questions I was a g'an n' do fer this here 'ill onna thems ree-publicans dockets.

I must first ask why are we wasting one point five million dollars in the budget of the USDA for internship programs? As my most beloved senator from Mississippi once remarked to me in his office 'interns are a lot like slaves, ain't they'. I thought that we had passed the 13th Amendment to outlaw such a travesty of justice, but I suppose some people think they're low 'nough fer its. Would this money be better spent instead of training for internships, why not gives those college students a forty hour work-week that they'll be happy wit? Why not give 'em payin' jobs instead of unpaid slave labor? Are there secret agreements between the Colleges and the U.S Department of Agriculture that will prevent these promising young students from being employed, but having the burden of a job where you look, but don't touch yer pay-checks? Will these workers, n' I use that term loosely, be like an illegal immigrant that hopped over from a wetback crap-hole of a country? Is the illegal migrant n' imma'gant better than the hard working American college student that he may be gainfully employed, while the rest of us hard working American folks have to suffer with simple jobs that don't pay nothin' more than what donuts y'all git inna the break room?

I've got serious concerns with this bill, and I'll continue wit my questionin'. I quote directly from the bill:
(Subsection A) This act hereby eliminates the Department of Agriculture ”continuous inspection” requirement from “for-profit custom slaughter operations.' end quote.

Good Lord, I haven't read somethin' as terrifyin' inna my life!

Don't we owe it to our constituents n' farmers n' even big city folks that they'll know the food they eat won't give 'em the runs or the cha cha chas? Would this lead to a possible case where, say a facility passes a 'random inspection', then next month they bungle up their food service n' say... serve us up some raw hamburger contaminated with e-coli. Then you'd have all these shipments o' burgers n' raw meats g'an'n' out, n' then y'all gits an epe-demic right onna yer hands! This ain't a matter o' state's rights, it's plain simple a matter of public safety. I doubt anyone gathered here seriously scoffs at the concepts of washin' yer hands n' ensurin' the food we serve is safe n' sound. But, this bill raises serious concerns with that. I know we'll always have a risk of some dumb feller gittin' sick 'cause he licked a raw hamburger while intoxicated on rubber cee-ment n' glue. But, I'd rather that small risk not be extended out over multiple communities n' even multiple states because we wanna save a damn penny just 'cause of 'state's rights' n' stuff like that. Who will be held liable inna the ee-event that because o' the lack of federal oversight,
Oh, and I noticed that y'all didn't mention D.C. As a matter of fact, I just had a meal wit a nice gentlemen. Will this bill, if passed by both houses n' not vetoed by the President, wh-what will it do fer the District o' Columbia? What about other territories of the United States, the largest inna my mind bein' Puerto Rico. It ain't as civilized as the rest o' us states, n' their infrastructure ain't too good. Are you absolutely certain that their local areas will be able to handle, say an outbreak of e-coli because there ain't no continuous inspection on that island?"

United States House of Representatives
Congresswoman Diane Paulson [R-ME-2]

Paulson turned to the speaker of the House. "Mr. Speaker, point of order."

[Velahor]

United States House of Representatives

Representative Thomas Volker
(Republican- 8th Congressional District of Missouri)
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

"I second the motion to begin questioning."

Representative Gene Goper
(Republican- 4th Congressional District of Alabama)
Speaker pro Tempore of the United States House of Representatives

"Seeing a second and no objection the questioning period will start."

Representative Abigail Jekyll-Jones
[Republican - 2nd District of the State of Oregon]

"To pre-empt the comments of a number of my colleagues across the aisle, could the Representative from Maine clarify how the bill has no impact whatsoever on the actual material basis of meat regulations?"

United States House of Representatives
Congresswoman Diane Paulson [R-ME-2]

Paulson looked at Jekyll-Jones appreciatively.

"Representative, thank you for your question."

Paulson then turned to the whole of the House.

"Section 3, subsection D of this bill specifically provides that all state-level meat regulations still apply."

"Section 2 operates in a manner that will not exempt any slaughterhouses from existing federal regulations and statutes regarding meat processing. Rather, the bill only removes the one requirement, that a USDA representative be on-site at all times in meat processing facilities that operate in interstate commerce. Every single slaughter facility in the nation will still be subject to periodic inspections and risk-based inspections by the USDA, as well as their state's own regulations and inspection requirements. These requirements are more than sufficient to ensure food safety."

"That provision, the 'continuous inspection' provision, is a barrier to entry for virtually every small meat packing business in the country. If this House truly stands with small business they will pass this bill and remove that requirement."

[Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi]

United States House of Representatives
Representative Maxine Caroline Durant [R-MS-3]

"M'star Speaka.

I've got a whol lot o' concerns wit this here a'bill that my good friend from the yankeefied state o' Maine has submitted to the record. Now here we is a poppin' some questions on this here bill. Now, lemme start by askin the representative from Maine a few, honest questions. Before I ask my questions, I wanna give everyone here a lil' background that ain't too much. I was a journalist for the local paper before I stood before y'all inn' t' halls o' Congress. I did an investigation on a questionable deer n' game processin' facility inna my own community. The conditions of which ought to concern every good, god lovin' meat eatin' American. Sorry Vegans. Lemme git to t' point n' questions I was a g'an n' do fer this here 'ill onna thems ree-publicans dockets.

I must first ask why are we wasting one point five million dollars in the budget of the USDA for internship programs? As my most beloved senator from Mississippi once remarked to me in his office 'interns are a lot like slaves, ain't they'. I thought that we had passed the 13th Amendment to outlaw such a travesty of justice, but I suppose some people think they're low 'nough fer its. Would this money be better spent instead of training for internships, why not gives those college students a forty hour work-week that they'll be happy wit? Why not give 'em payin' jobs instead of unpaid slave labor? Are there secret agreements between the Colleges and the U.S Department of Agriculture that will prevent these promising young students from being employed, but having the burden of a job where you look, but don't touch yer pay-checks? Will these workers, n' I use that term loosely, be like an illegal immigrant that hopped over from a wetback crap-hole of a country? Is the illegal migrant n' imma'gant better than the hard working American college student that he may be gainfully employed, while the rest of us hard working American folks have to suffer with simple jobs that don't pay nothin' more than what donuts y'all git inna the break room?

I've got serious concerns with this bill, and I'll continue wit my questionin'. I quote directly from the bill:
(Subsection A) This act hereby eliminates the Department of Agriculture ”continuous inspection” requirement from “for-profit custom slaughter operations.' end quote.

Good Lord, I haven't read somethin' as terrifyin' inna my life!

Don't we owe it to our constituents n' farmers n' even big city folks that they'll know the food they eat won't give 'em the runs or the cha cha chas? Would this lead to a possible case where, say a facility passes a 'random inspection', then next month they bungle up their food service n' say... serve us up some raw hamburger contaminated with e-coli. Then you'd have all these shipments o' burgers n' raw meats g'an'n' out, n' then y'all gits an epe-demic right onna yer hands! This ain't a matter o' state's rights, it's plain simple a matter of public safety. I doubt anyone gathered here seriously scoffs at the concepts of washin' yer hands n' ensurin' the food we serve is safe n' sound. But, this bill raises serious concerns with that. I know we'll always have a risk of some dumb feller gittin' sick 'cause he licked a raw hamburger while intoxicated on rubber cee-ment n' glue. But, I'd rather that small risk not be extended out over multiple communities n' even multiple states because we wanna save a damn penny just 'cause of 'state's rights' n' stuff like that. Who will be held liable inna the ee-event that because o' the lack of federal oversight,
Oh, and I noticed that y'all didn't mention D.C. As a matter of fact, I just had a meal wit a nice gentlemen. Will this bill, if passed by both houses n' not vetoed by the President, wh-what will it do fer the District o' Columbia? What about other territories of the United States, the largest inna my mind bein' Puerto Rico. It ain't as civilized as the rest o' us states, n' their infrastructure ain't too good. Are you absolutely certain that their local areas will be able to handle, say an outbreak of e-coli because there ain't no continuous inspection on that island?"

United States House of Representatives
Congresswoman Diane Paulson [R-ME-2]

Paulson turned to the speaker of the House. "Mr. Speaker, point of order."

"The chair rules the comments from the gentlewoman from Mississippi as being out of order at this time. The members of this House are reminded to keep their questions concise and to the point. Further overly long speeches may lead to the suspension of speaking privileges for the legislative day. "

[Velahor]

United States House of Representatives
Congresswoman Diane Paulson [R-ME-2]

Paulson turned to the speaker of the House. "Mr. Speaker, point of order."

"The chair rules the comments from the gentlewoman from Mississippi as being out of order at this time. The members of this House are reminded to keep their questions concise and to the point. Further overly long speeches may lead to the suspension of speaking privileges for the legislative day. "

United States House of Representatives
Congresswoman Diane Paulson [R-ME-2]

"Thank you Mr. Speaker."

"If the Representative from Mississippi would like to ask individual, concise questions regarding the bill, I'll be happy to answer."

[Newne Carriebean7]

United States House of Representatives
Representative Maxine Caroline Durant [R-MS-3]
For those closest to the Mississippian, she looked like a kettle about ready to boil over. Her face was as red as a peach. She wanted to nail something at Diane for dismissing her questions. A Stapler? No, that'd be too heavy, she thought. "Why bother to throw anythin' at all, y'all'll git a chance t' tell-er how y'all really feel inna minnute." She grinned wickedly, making damn sure to whisper the preceding sentence under her breath, lest some-one else consider her a 'threat to the constitution' or some stupid shit that the liberal wing was bound to cook up.

"Since y'all got yer pants inna bunch o'er my speech, I'll run o'er it again, but makin' sure t' cut on out the bull from it. Simply put, what I said a few moments n' go was the followin' points that I'd very much like answered, n' to make it simple fer y'all buncha politikan feller person mcgees, I'll number 'em off. Make sure y'all know how t' count.

One: Why is five million dollars being wa-spent on intern programs? Wouldn't this money be a better use of government funds by havin' it instead g'an t' hirin' the interns for REAL jobs at the Yoo Ess Department o' Agriy-cultua?

Two: May I have a recent, no nonsense, explanation as to why the "Continuous inspections" ain't gonna be 'round once, or if this bill passes inna law? Won't it allow fer a winda o' mismanagement n' corruption that could take hold, since there ain't no Uncle Sam breathin' down their neck t' make sure the chicken boobs don't look like they're glowin' green? Don't that stink six ways t' Sunday t' enable fellers t' git away wit poisinin' chill-children n' citizens o' this country, 'cause y'all ended the continuous inspections that might have played a role in preventing such a hypothetical?

The third one: Since this bill don't mention any o' the U.S Territories or the like, will their local laws be superseded by the MARKET act, should it pass into law, or does this bill either exempt local territories from the provisions inna this here act or do y'all have plans for follow-up lee-gis-lation t' fill in this gap inna the legislative battle line?

Quatro-er waffle-er-Four: What will this bill do fer a facility that passes the random inspection, then ends up serving contaminated meat n' things because of human nature or some error that they didn't see a comin'? Will they be a shielded from potential law-suits from persons seekin' damages incurred 'gaisnt 'em from a rotten ol' hamburger that they were too cheap t' throw away n' instead marked as 'cheap momma's meatloaf'? Where's the accountabilitee?"

[Velahor]

United States House of Representatives
Representative Maxine Caroline Durant [R-MS-3]
For those closest to the Mississippian, she looked like a kettle about ready to boil over. Her face was as red as a peach. She wanted to nail something at Diane for dismissing her questions. A Stapler? No, that'd be too heavy, she thought. "Why bother to throw anythin' at all, y'all'll git a chance t' tell-er how y'all really feel inna minnute." She grinned wickedly, making damn sure to whisper the preceding sentence under her breath, lest some-one else consider her a 'threat to the constitution' or some stupid shit that the liberal wing was bound to cook up.

"Since y'all got yer pants inna bunch o'er my speech, I'll run o'er it again, but makin' sure t' cut on out the bull from it. Simply put, what I said a few moments n' go was the followin' points that I'd very much like answered, n' to make it simple fer y'all buncha politikan feller person mcgees, I'll number 'em off. Make sure y'all know how t' count.

One: Why is five million dollars being wa-spent on intern programs? Wouldn't this money be a better use of government funds by havin' it instead g'an t' hirin' the interns for REAL jobs at the Yoo Ess Department o' Agriy-cultua?

Two: May I have a recent, no nonsense, explanation as to why the "Continuous inspections" ain't gonna be 'round once, or if this bill passes inna law? Won't it allow fer a winda o' mismanagement n' corruption that could take hold, since there ain't no Uncle Sam breathin' down their neck t' make sure the chicken boobs don't look like they're glowin' green? Don't that stink six ways t' Sunday t' enable fellers t' git away wit poisinin' chill-children n' citizens o' this country, 'cause y'all ended the continuous inspections that might have played a role in preventing such a hypothetical?

The third one: Since this bill don't mention any o' the U.S Territories or the like, will their local laws be superseded by the MARKET act, should it pass into law, or does this bill either exempt local territories from the provisions inna this here act or do y'all have plans for follow-up lee-gis-lation t' fill in this gap inna the legislative battle line?

Quatro-er waffle-er-Four: What will this bill do fer a facility that passes the random inspection, then ends up serving contaminated meat n' things because of human nature or some error that they didn't see a comin'? Will they be a shielded from potential law-suits from persons seekin' damages incurred 'gaisnt 'em from a rotten ol' hamburger that they were too cheap t' throw away n' instead marked as 'cheap momma's meatloaf'? Where's the accountabilitee?"

United States House of Representatives
Congresswoman Diane Paulson [R-ME-2]

Diane smiled confidently, glad that her point was well taken by the speaker. She turned to Durant.

"I'll answer your questions one by one."

"To answer your first question: The correct figure for the internship funding is $1.5 million, not $5 million. The USDA's budget for actually hiring meat inspectors is determined departmentally, and they can expand it at any time within the bounds of the funds appropriated to them by Congress."

"In contrast, paid internships like this are a recruiting tool used by executive agencies to bring the best and brightest talent into the agency. Simply authorizing a job program would both interfere with the staffing budget provided to the USDA, and would not be able to target the best and brightest Agriculture, Biology, and Pre-Vet students the way that this internship program will. Additionally, this internship program provides valuable entry-level experience to potential USDA meat inspector employees, experience that is hard to gain without a program of this sort."

"Onto your second question, the 'continuous inspection' requirement will still apply to facilities that are only federally-inspected. That includes the majority of meatpacking facilities in the country. The removal of the 'continuous inspection' requirement for state-run facilities eliminates a redundancy where facilities are held to both 'continuous inspection' and state requirements equal to or greater than the USDA's requirements."

"Humans have ate meat for millennia. And there is no doubt that food safety is important. But there is nothing inherent about the meatpacking process that requires a federal agent to be on-site at all times. I can't think of a single other industry that requires the federal government to be physically present at any time. Don't you think that it's a major government overreach to do that?"

"Also, slaughter under state guidelines has proven to be irrefutably safe. In response to a public records request from the Farm & Ranch Freedom Alliance, the USDA reported zero cases of foodborne illness at custom slaughterhouses in at least the past eight years."

"Finally, according to USDA data analyzed by the Farm-to-Consumer Legal Defense Fund, a nonprofit group that advocates for the rights of small farmers and their customers, slaughterhouse consolidation spurred by the Wholesome Meat Act is responsible for closing more than 7,000 of the 10,000 facilities that existed in 1967, the year the law was passed. 4 big companies control 80% of the beef processing industry in America, and those same 4 companies control 60% of the pork industry. Due to the nature of infectious diseases as well as the scale that these companies operate, there is both a higher risk of food contamination and greater exacerbated effects of instances of food contamination under the current regulatory scheme than there would be if MARKET passes."

"In response to your third question, no United States territory nor DC currently has a territorially-run meat inspection program. Thus, they, like he 23 states without state-run meat inspection programs, will continue under the current regulatory scheme set forth by the USDA. Regulation 9 CFR 321.1, promulgated by the USDA, already provides the appropriate procedure for if a territory were to adopt their own meat inspection program, and the USDA is authorized to make changes to that regulation in order to make it comport with this Act."

"On to your final question...there are no immunities from liability present in this Act, so I find that concern unwarranted. A facility found to be in violation of the act will be subject to sanction and likely closure by the USDA just as they currently are. Human error and the other things you mentioned that bring a risk of food contamination are just as likely with or without a USDA representative standing in the building. Every single regulation on food safety remains in place with this Act, and nothing in this act prevents meatpacker liability for negligent or malignant food contamination."

[Sarenium]

Senator Eugene Obradovic
[Democratic - State of Illinois]
{President pro tempore of the United States Senate}

"The floor of the Senate is open to questions regarding the amendment, otherwise the chair would be amenable to a motion to end questioning on the amendment."

"Why is this amendment necessary?" scoffed Deb Feyrer, "blatant pork barreling on an issue of national security? Our Intelligence Community, our Defense Community, and all the like, have advised this course of action to be the best. To remove the flexibility offered to the Department of Commerce under this provision, imperils our national security," she bit back a sly remark.

[Jovuistan]

United States House of Representatives
Representative Maxine Caroline Durant [R-MS-3]
For those closest to the Mississippian, she looked like a kettle about ready to boil over. Her face was as red as a peach. She wanted to nail something at Diane for dismissing her questions. A Stapler? No, that'd be too heavy, she thought. "Why bother to throw anythin' at all, y'all'll git a chance t' tell-er how y'all really feel inna minnute." She grinned wickedly, making damn sure to whisper the preceding sentence under her breath, lest some-one else consider her a 'threat to the constitution' or some stupid shit that the liberal wing was bound to cook up.

"Since y'all got yer pants inna bunch o'er my speech, I'll run o'er it again, but makin' sure t' cut on out the bull from it. Simply put, what I said a few moments n' go was the followin' points that I'd very much like answered, n' to make it simple fer y'all buncha politikan feller person mcgees, I'll number 'em off. Make sure y'all know how t' count.

One: Why is five million dollars being wa-spent on intern programs? Wouldn't this money be a better use of government funds by havin' it instead g'an t' hirin' the interns for REAL jobs at the Yoo Ess Department o' Agriy-cultua?

Two: May I have a recent, no nonsense, explanation as to why the "Continuous inspections" ain't gonna be 'round once, or if this bill passes inna law? Won't it allow fer a winda o' mismanagement n' corruption that could take hold, since there ain't no Uncle Sam breathin' down their neck t' make sure the chicken boobs don't look like they're glowin' green? Don't that stink six ways t' Sunday t' enable fellers t' git away wit poisinin' chill-children n' citizens o' this country, 'cause y'all ended the continuous inspections that might have played a role in preventing such a hypothetical?

The third one: Since this bill don't mention any o' the U.S Territories or the like, will their local laws be superseded by the MARKET act, should it pass into law, or does this bill either exempt local territories from the provisions inna this here act or do y'all have plans for follow-up lee-gis-lation t' fill in this gap inna the legislative battle line?

Quatro-er waffle-er-Four: What will this bill do fer a facility that passes the random inspection, then ends up serving contaminated meat n' things because of human nature or some error that they didn't see a comin'? Will they be a shielded from potential law-suits from persons seekin' damages incurred 'gaisnt 'em from a rotten ol' hamburger that they were too cheap t' throw away n' instead marked as 'cheap momma's meatloaf'? Where's the accountabilitee?"

Crawford scratched his head in confusion. When would this woman just get to the point?

[Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi]

“The gentlewoman from Mississippi having previously been notified not to engage in overly long speeches during question period, will have her questions once again ruled out of order. Having previously been warned about this by the chair the member will now have her speaking privileges suspended until the end of the legislative day, however will still be entitled to vote. The chair once again reminds all members that floor time is precious time for the American public and wasting such time will not be looked favourably upon”

[New Cobastheia]

"Why is this amendment necessary?" scoffed Deb Feyrer, "blatant pork barreling on an issue of national security? Our Intelligence Community, our Defense Community, and all the like, have advised this course of action to be the best. To remove the flexibility offered to the Department of Commerce under this provision, imperils our national security," she bit back a sly remark.

United States Senate
Senator Benjamin Hertzog [D-MI]
{Senate Majority Leader}

"Thank you for the question, Senator Feyrer." Hertzog once again started, albeit in a much less thankful tone given the accusatory nature of it.

"It's necessary because this bill is about investing in the American people during the worst economic crisis in a generation just as much as it's about national security. This bill, even without this amendment, is investing billions of dollars into the American people and our country's industry via Section 4. I think it's important that we make sure that investment is spread throughout the country without leaving any Americans behind. And when it comes to how this amendment would imperil national security, well I'd have to ask you, how would making sure all Americans feel the potential economic benefits of this bill harm our nation's security in any way? As far as I'm concerned, it'd only strengthen it Senator."

[Meelducan]

House Floor
Representative Donal Jonsson - (D-ME-1)

Donal walked into the chamber followed by an aide who was carrying all the props he needed for the speech on the bill.

He took a seat near the front of the room.

[Democratic Peoples republic of Kelvinsi]

United States House of Representatives

Representative Thomas Volker
(Republican- 8th Congressional District of Missouri)
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

"I motion to end questioning period."

[Gordano and Lysandus]

United States House of Representatives

Representative Thomas Volker
(Republican- 8th Congressional District of Missouri)
Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

"I motion to end questioning period."

Representative Caroline Simone
[Democratic - 12th District of the State of New York]

Acknowledging that the Democrat who'd have the most to say on this particular bill was here and was sure to make a good showing during the debate period, she decided to proceed.

"I second the motion, Mr. Speaker."