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23. NORTHERN BEEPEE
"The Cat's Meow"
Performed by
Victoria Spunge
Tune: "Nachts sind Alle Katzen Grau" - Kerstin Ott
23. NORTHERN BEEPEE
"The Cat's Meow"
Performed by
Victoria Spunge
Tune: "Nachts sind Alle Katzen Grau" - Kerstin Ott
VICTORIA SPUNGE
Delightfully delicious Victoria Spunge is one scone short of a picnic. She's dizzyingly eclectic.
Victoria was raised in the small hamlet of Uhfenn. Her school teachers called her sweet, but it was only because her mother and father both used to beat her.
As a result of the creamings she used to get, she left her home at an early age running away with her then sweetheart, Cherry Madeira to the regional centre of Battenburg.
There she worked in a local bakers "Bake Well". She would spend her mornings singing to herself as she baked. It was there she was discovered, when Chelsea Bunn, a music executive, came in for a sweet treat and heard Victoria singing in the kitchen.
"The Cat's Meow" is her first single which has already raced onto heavy rotation in the Beepeean Schlager Charts.
Victoria was raised in the small hamlet of Uhfenn. Her school teachers called her sweet, but it was only because her mother and father both used to beat her.
As a result of the creamings she used to get, she left her home at an early age running away with her then sweetheart, Cherry Madeira to the regional centre of Battenburg.
There she worked in a local bakers "Bake Well". She would spend her mornings singing to herself as she baked. It was there she was discovered, when Chelsea Bunn, a music executive, came in for a sweet treat and heard Victoria singing in the kitchen.
"The Cat's Meow" is her first single which has already raced onto heavy rotation in the Beepeean Schlager Charts.
PERFORMANCE
In the great tradition of those who have come before, such as Alf Poier (ESC AUT 01), IVAN (ESC BLR 16) and Colin ft The Urinary Tract & The Yeast Infection (WV CRU 86), Victoria Spunge will be joined on stage by fake, holographic, and up to 16 well trained pussies.
Victoria Spunge stands to the front of the triangular stage. Behind her are mannequins with latexcat heads holding various musical instruments and around her feet sitting perfectly erect are 16 well trained cat's of various breeds everything from British Blues to Birman, Scottish Folds to Norwegian Forest Cats.
Victoria, herself is wearing a delightful dress in light grey, think Barbara (ESC BEL 1993), only less see through and with worse craftsmanship.
The rear stage LED screen is set in colours of of black and blue with the occasional golden sparkle... a bit like this.
As the music begins the cat's begin to rock back and forward in perfect unison. On the rear of stage LED screen, a cartoon cat begins to walk across then screen.
Victoria raises her microphone to sing
Victoria Spunge stands to the front of the triangular stage. Behind her are mannequins with latexcat heads holding various musical instruments and around her feet sitting perfectly erect are 16 well trained cat's of various breeds everything from British Blues to Birman, Scottish Folds to Norwegian Forest Cats.
Victoria, herself is wearing a delightful dress in light grey, think Barbara (ESC BEL 1993), only less see through and with worse craftsmanship.
The rear stage LED screen is set in colours of of black and blue with the occasional golden sparkle... a bit like this.
As the music begins the cat's begin to rock back and forward in perfect unison. On the rear of stage LED screen, a cartoon cat begins to walk across then screen.
Victoria raises her microphone to sing
You know you're the cat's meow
The lights are turned down so that there's a dark ad moody sense of foreboding in the hall as Victoria starts her song... despite the uplifting nature of the kitties around the stage. As she sings the opening stanzas, Victoria plays up to this moody backdrop as she skulks and lurks around the stage. The animals pay her no mind as she does this, they simply rock back and forward inbtime to the music.
I watch you from a distance
In the shadow of your life
I can see the way that you are
When you think no-ones about
Don't you know it's amazing
When spread your wings and fly
As she sings "spread your wings and fly", the auditorium bursts into light with all the colours of the rainbow, from all the stage lights of the beautifully designed set. And with the beginning of the chorus, the cat's now move in pattern walking in unison, creating patters around the floor as the walk throughout the chorus. Victoria herself, stands still, but gyrates a bit like Frances Ruffelle (ESC 94 UK) but with less conviction.
You know you're the cat's meow
You're my favourite waste of time
You know you're the cat's meow
And there's nothing I want more
To be around you
Just to see you
Just to know
That you're happy
You don't know but
You've got me
Flipping out
And in the shadows
You can't see me
When the world's
Way too much
I'll be at right there
Once again
Right at your feet
With the chorus completed, the lights again dim and the the gentle thrum of the audience is rudely disturbed by a South Alezian sneezing. Clearly the orchestrated movement of the cat has wafted up some dander which is affecting, Andi Anders Andrzej, a little servant boy's breathing. His allergies causing his windpipe to contract.
On the screen LED behind the stage our cartoon cat walks through a rainy scene under an umbrella. Before the sun comes out in time with the lyrics of the song.
The weather might be cold and rainy
The sun might be hidden behind clouds
But when I see you coming back
My smile spreads over me
You make it all OK
And I need you to know
The glaring of cats appear to have had enough of the trainer trying to get them to move in synchronisation and so they all go and do their own things. Several of the cats decide they've had enough time on the stage and jump down into the audience, rubbing themselves against the legs of the audience.
Another, plomps themselves down at the front of the stage, sticks a leg in the air and begins to clean their unmentionables in full view of the televsiual audience.
Yet another decides to play with one of the dresses on the mannequin cat. Unfortunately, one of the cats claws get caught in the dress and as the cat pulls away the mannequin topples over with a loud clatter on the stage floor.
Meanwhile, poor little south Alezian servant boy, Andi Anders Andrzej, has collapsed on the floor gasping at his throat, struggling to breathe. Unsurprisingly, none of the surrounding audience has noticed the poor boys predicament as they're all too bust enjoying the exquisite performance by Victoria.
You know you're the cat's meow
You're my favourite waste of time
You know you're the cat's meow
And there's nothing I want more
To be around you
Just to see you
Just to know
That you're happy
You don't know but
You've got me
Flipping out
And in the shadows
You can't see me
When the world's
Way too much
I'll be at right there
Once again
Right at your feet
You know you're the cat's meow
If you're driving on the highway
Or heading to the beach
I'll be quietly waiting for you
To make you're way home, back to me
As Victoria signs about driving to be beach the pretends to drive a fake steering wheel, before remembering that it's just all make believe, smiling and shrugging, an despite many of the cats having awol during her song, she carries on like the true entertainer she is.
Several of the cat's have found warm spots to sleep in, however some of the other cats have made the acquaintance of audience members several cat's are being petted to within an inch of their lives by enthusiastic worldvision fans.
One can has also made its way over to the prone little servant boy, who appears to be losing consciousness. The cat sniffs around Andi's head before deciding it would be a comfortable place to sit.
You know you're the cat's meow
You're my favourite waste of time
You know you're the cat's meow
And there's nothing I want more
To be around you
Just to see you
Just to know
That you're happy
You don't know but
You've got me
Flipping out
And In the shadows
You can't see me
When the worlds
Way too much
I'll be at right there
Once again
Right at your feet
Midway through the final chorus, the offstage trainer decides in order to regain control of the cats that she'll shake a bag of munchies and with that all of the cars, bar one, return to the stage and begin walking on their hind legs looking for treats. The trainer breathes a sigh of relief as the song begins to come to an end.
You know you're the cat's meow
With the song now finished the, Victoria waves and thanks the crowd before leaving the stage with the cars following her awaiting their special munchies. One cat however, remains missing. As she walks off stage, Victoria spots, out of the corner of her eye, a single ginger tabby sleeping on the face of a poor little boy. She beckons the cat over with a high pitched "shhs". The cat awakens, yawns, and meows and heads backstage for some treats.
Noone wonders about what happened to Andi.
