March of Profits
Validity: Capitalist with marriage equality, a strong economy, high economic freedom, and high wealth gaps.
Description
After spending the better part of a three-hour meeting attempting to convince you to cut their taxes, the heads of the nation's largest corporations have finally moved on to the next item on the agenda: a partnership to celebrate their executives' and the nation's nominal commitment to LGBTQ+ rights.
Option 1
"United @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ has been a staunch ally of the LGBTQ+ community ever since our emergency board meeting last week," says the company's CEO, handing you a bulging envelope with the words "don't you dare pass any actual laws" written on the front in permanent marker. "For the next two weeks, we'd love to have your government by our side as we stand before our shareholders and the wider world in support of LGBTQ+ rights. We'll market special 'pride' items, run promotional campaigns, and of course receive a hefty tax cut that demonstrates the government's support for such supportive companies."
Effect: the government's latest public awareness campaign explains how unionizing is heteronormative
Option 2
"Why stick with a single profitable demographic when there are so many more out there?" asks Combined @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ representative @@RANDOMNAME@@, grabbing the envelope and stuffing in more precious gems than there are colors of the rainbow. "We should split up every year into equal portions, each targeted at a specific globally underrepresented group. We'll advertise to each group with your help, then cut prices for them to show support and cut prices for everyone else because love is greater than hate. Of course, we'll need some generous subsidies to sustain such heavy price slashing."
Effect: civil rights organizations report record profits this quarter
Option 3
"Joint @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ has never discriminated against any employee in a way that could be proven in court," boasts company president @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, flanked by a leadership team that looks completely identical to him. "It's all thanks to the discretionary funds we've spent on big internal reforms and an even bigger HR department. You should release guidelines for changes to corporate culture and grant a good chunk of funding to companies looking to implement them. More money means better culture, and better culture means better consumer relations."
Effect: banks now use correct pronouns when evicting customers from their houses
Option 4
"I have an idea. How about we don't give terrible companies more money for no good reason?" complains a gay Bigtopian administrative assistant, who's still bitter over being passed up for a promotion despite everyone you've spoken to insisting he's needed in his current position. "Pass actual laws to effect real change and secure equality for all people, instead of this superficial claptraAAAAAA..." He is cut off midsentence by the private security detail that suddenly drags him out of the room.
Effect: all corporations must pledge to only work with equal-opportunity sweatshops