Sylestone Domestic Sports Newswire

[Sylestone]

Kirkham Suburbs

Roster:

First Team:
Table - GK
Park Bench - LB
Washing Machine - CB
Roof Tiles - RB
Fork - LM
Fridge - CM
Knife - CM
Garlic Crusher - RM
Scaffolding - LW
Spoon - RW
Mirror - CF

Reserves:
Chopping Board - GK
Antennae - DF
Sunscreen - MF
Sunglasses Case - FW

Staff:
Breadboard - Coach
Garbage Bin - Manager

Katham FC

Roster:

First Team:
Damming Malmurchi - Age 24 - GK (Ko-oren)
Quincy Hambleton - Age 29 - LB
Michael Hunt - Age 25 - LCB
Isaac Bird - Age 30 - CB
Clemency Wright - Age 29 - RCB
Judy Thacker - Age 32 - CB
Earleen Tupper - Age 26 - LM
Amelia Turnbull - Age 26 - RM
Clarence Harris - Age 25 - CAM
Kerry Bennett - Age 25 - CF
Philip Summer - Age 25 - CF

Reserves:
Sybil Wyndham - Age 33 - GK
Victoria Baxter - Age 24 - GK
Isabella Cross - Age 18 - LB
Sean Wallace - Age 19 - LCB
Sophy Peel - Age 30 - CB
Kit Clatcher - Age 35 - RCB
Zacharias Andrade - Age 22 - RB
Brian Bay - Age 23 - LM
Rory Morgan - Age 34 - RM
Autumn Welch - Age 31 - CAM
Gilbert Wright - Age 20 - CF
Marshall Ortega - Age 23 - CF

Staff:
Mike Travis - Age 53 - Coach
Maynerd Donald - Age 34 - Manager

FC Conton

Roster:

First Team:
Jo Collins - Age 32 - GK
Astrid Iqbal - Age 18 - LB (Eastfield Lodge)
Hayden Cook - Age 27 - CB
James Davey - Age 18 - CB
Hunter Burnser - Age 24 - RB (South Newlandia)
Lee Bennett - Age 29 - LM
James Turner - Age 30 - RM
Harold Laxton - Age 27 - CAM
Jordan Hopkins - Age 33 - LW
Steve Walker - Age 23 - RW
Busby Mottershead - Age 21 - CF

Reserves:
Bryce Cole - Age 25 - GK
Jordan Beasley - Age 23 - GK
Jesse Rose - Age 17 - LB
Judy Murray - Age 34 - CB
Andrew Campbell - Age 26 - CB
Connor Connell - Age 18 - RB
Elliot Wilson - Age 20 - LM
Nathan Webb - Age 17 - RM
Ashlea Young - Age 20 - CAM
Zachary Horny - Age 19 - LW
Blair Clark - Age 26 - RW
Scott Harper - Age 28 - CF

Staff:
Alex King - Age 49 - Coach
Tyler Kelly - Age 68 - Manager

AFC Droves
Roster:

First Team:
Marko Kriz - Age 21 - GK (Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom)
Charlotte Mee - Age 26 - LB
Jai Vijay - Age 34 - LCB
Trevor Hove - Age 29 - CB
James Isobar - Age 21 - RCB
Oliver Wood - Age 28 - RB
Seth Wilson - Age 26 - LM
Aaron Barnett - Age 33 - RM
Koby McNeil - Age 25 - CAM
Riley Strathfield - Age 17 - CF
Evan Strathfield - Age 17 - CF

Reserves:
Timothy Jameson - Age 20 - GK
Kivash Moreton - Age 21 - GK
Matthew Coburn - Age 22 - LB
Vincent Ackers - Age 30 - LCB
June Gilbert - Age 18 - CB
Hamish Williams - Age 25 - RCB
Flynn Thompson - Age 28 - RB
Gemma Knight - Age 29 - LM
Eloise Hayes - Age 31 - RM
Isaac Black - Age 23 - CAM
Rose Kane - Age 24 - CF
Sienna Robinson - Age 24 - CF

Staff:
Eli Harman - Age 38 - Coach
Tahlia Dawson - Age 43 - Manager

Western Avondale

Roster:

First Team:
Very Angry - Age 23 - GK
Jesse Rose - Age 17 - LB
Wayne Kerr - Age 24 - CB
Old Fart - Age 45 - RB
Trinity Gore - Age 28 - LM
Iman Idiot - Age 29 - CM
Joe Fagan - Age 21 - CM
Russell Glover - Age 28 - RM
Stanley Bennett - Age 27 - LW
Noel Morales - Age 22 - RW
Poopoo Bumbum - Age 22 - CF

Reserves:
James Hedley - Age 26 - GK
Marshall Loxton - Age 29 - GK
Sophie Kane - Age 24 - LB
Chloe James - Age 31 - CB
David Holden - Age 32 - RB
Hugh O’Bree - Age 34 - LM
Cornelius Boote - Age 22 - CM
Reynold Roberts - Age 25 - CM
Archie Reynolds - Age 27 - RM
Chris Gray - Age 32 - LW
Logan Pollard - Age 23 - RW
Bird Shat - Age 20 - CF

Staff:
Blake Quincy - Age 47 - Coach
Grumpy Oldman - Age 89 - Manager

Emacuton FC

Roster:

First Team:
Hugo Ramsay - Age 25 - GK
Jett Cooper - Age 29 - LB
Gemma Davis - Age 33 - LCB
Annabelle Lynes - Age 19 - CB
Audat Agani - Age 22 - RCB
Riley Harvey - Age 26 - RB
Fraser Chamber - Age 28 - CDM
Rachel Bradley - Age 30 - LM
Savannah Harris - Age 27 - RM
Maya Young - Age 22 - CAM
Melissa Houghton - Age 21 - CF

Reserves:
Luc McGrath - Age 26 - GK
Lily Fielding - Age 21 - GK
Felix Palmer - Age 27 - LB
Eloise Collins - Age 23 - LCB
Ivy Redding - Age 19 - CB
Brandon Burton - Age 21 - RCB
Nia Bates - Age 25 - RB
Destiny Moss - Age 29 - CDM
Samantha Green - Age 26 - LM
Barnaby Saunders - Age 31 - RM
Cameron Jackson - Age 22 - CAM
Kyle Adams - Age 30 - CF

Staff:
Euan White - Age 38 - Coach
Billy Wallace - Age 54 - Manager

Southern Beaches

Roster:

First Team:
Ella Samuel-Gilbert - Age 27 - GK
Billie Nicholson - Age 21 - LB
Erica Richards - Age 30 - CB
Annaleis Nijs - Age 34 - CB
Penelope Wilson - Age 31 - RB
Kayla Allen - Age 30 - CDM
Addison Butler - Age 26 - LM
Bonnie Stewart - Age 29 - RM
Penelope Flanagan - Age 24 - CAM
Holly Hood - Age 20 - CF
Tara Bell - Age 18 - CF

Reserves:
Anna Gibson - Age 29 - GK
Rae Thomas - Age 26 - GK
Jody Mills - Age 29 - LB
Isabella Cox - Age 25 - CB
Alexis Murray - Age 29 - CB
Abbey McNeil - Age 31 - RB
Madeleine Collins - Age 23 - CDM
Sophie Palmer - Age 28 - LM
Isla Fox - Age 29 - RM
Arya Collins - Age 37 - CAM
Phoebe Noble - Age 19 - CF
Thea Burke - Age 22 - CF

Staff:
Hazel Brown - Age 45 - Coach
Evelyn Arnold - Age 46 - Manager

Freeman City
Roster:

First Team:
Nate Robertson - Age 31 - GK
Mason Campbell - Age 28 - LB
Zac Irwin - Age 21 - CB
Caleb Taylor - Age 22 - CB
Jason Hightower - Age 32 - RB
Evan Shaw - Age 27 - LM
Harrison Crowe - Age 26 - CM
Lucas Craig - Age 26 - RM
Scott Henderson - Age 24 - LW
Levi Gilnour - Age 22 - RW
Miles Duff - Age 25 - CF

Reserves:
Hayden Riggs - Age 24 - GK
Marcus Fry - Age 27 - GK
Vincent Monson - Age 26 - LB
Daniel Wyatt - Age 29 - CB
Noah Carter - Age 34 - CB
Sebastian White - Age 28 - RB
Hamish Ward - Age 25 - LM
Spencer Stone - Age 30 - CM
Elijah Marshall - Age 38 - RM
Callen Lawson - Age 35 - LW
Aaron Hood - Age 24 - RW
Ben Irvine - Age 23 - CF

Staff:
Anastasia Kelly - Age 32 - Coach
Violet McAlister - Age 37 - Manager

Western FC
Roster:

First Team:
Piper Caplan - Age 22 - GK
Elijah Millar - Age 32 - LB
Kayla Williamson - Age 19 - CB
Calvin Middleton - Age 24 - RB
Vincent Stewart - Age 28 - CDM
Ben Duncan - Age 24 - LM
Duncan McMiller - Age 36 - CM
April Houston - Age 28 - RM
Ava Bennet - Age 33 - CAM
Rebecca Hunter - Age 28 - CF
Quincy Hooter - Age 27 - CF

Reserves:
Brittany Shaw - Age 23 - GK
Jason Jones - Age 26 - GK
Arthur Morgan - Age 16 - LB
Kate Marshall - Age 19 - CB
Molly Harrison - Age 23 - RB
Reuben Fisher - Age 29 - CDM
Maddy McLeod - Age 35 - LM
Mary O’Donnell - Age 33 - CM
Murray McCann - Age 32 - RM
Allan McPherson - Age 24 - CAM
Abigail Fraser - Age 25 - CF
Clarence King - Age 25 - CF

Staff:
Dylan Boyle - Age 45 - Coach
Kaleb Arther-Rickson - Age 48 - Manager

FC Freeport
Roster:

First Team:
Harris Hay - Age 25
Ryan O’Line - Age 29 - LB
Milo O’Duff - Age 32 - CB
Victor Larkham - Age 23 - CB
Reuben Dowey - Age 22 - RB
Gabriel Brennan - Age 38 - LM
Rohan Crowbar - Age 29 - CM
Kara Harrington - Age 27 - RM
Richard Carolyn - Age 25 - LW
Oliver Coffey - Age 30 - RW
Jackson Fangle - Age 27 - CF

Reserves:
Aryan Allison - Age 28 - GK
Jayden Cox - Age 26 - GK
Jacob Driscoll - Age 34 - LB
Amelia Callaghan - Age 25 - CB
Blake Boland - Age 26 - CB
Peter Macarthur - Age 34 - RB
Paddy Hanlon - Age 28 - LM
Lukas Lane - Age 29 - CM
Tadgh Henry - Age 23 - RM
Brian Donnellan - Age 20 - LW
Sean McDermott - Age 31 - RW
Oscar Joyce - Age 36 - CF

Staff:
Ruth Murtagh - Age 36 - Coach
Emily Powell - Age 55 - Manager

Southern Avondale FC

Roster:

First Team:
Sienna Fitzgerald - Age 19 - GK
John Russell - Age 21 - LB
Elsie Davies - Age 30 - CB
Elizabeth Poole - Age 26 - CB
Caden Roberts - Age 30 - RB
Chelsea Davidson - Age 33 - LM
Vinod Jadeja - Age 19 - CM
Alexandra Kennedy - Age 21 - RM
Tristan Russell - Age 33 - LW
Michael Harris - Age 18 - RW
Archer Weaver - Age 27 - CF

Reserves:
Anna Freeman - Age 30 - GK
Louis Reeves - Age 24 - GK
Thomas Bell - Age 26 - LB
Jonah Williamson - Age 29 - CB
Molly Taylor - Age 27 - CB
Cara James - Age 18 - RB
Tom Barber - Age 29 - LM
Andrew Tucker - Age 35 - CM
Carys Hardie - Age 35 - RM
Ashton Ryans - Age 19 - LW
Lachlan Thomson - Age 23 - RW
Kieran Powell - Age 25 - CF

Staff:
Milly Coleman - Age 62 - Coach
Anna Russer - Age 55 - Manager

Whitepool AFC
Roster:

First Team:
Heidi Madden - Age 30 - GK
Jacob Cook - Age 27 - LB
Lincoln Rogers - Age 30 - LCB
Poppy Harvey - Age 32 - CB
Aliyah McEwen - Age 18 - RCB
Eleanor Lyne - Age 29 - RB
Kayla Jason - Age 33 - LM
Christian Wilson - Age 24 - RM
Lucy Scott - Age 31 - LW
Sophie Barrett - Age 35 - RW
Charlie Adams - Age 20 - CF

Reserves:
Tyler Monk - Age 26 - GK
Nathan Hayes - Age 32 - GK
Lauren Wall - Age 25 - LB
Angus White - Age 34 - LCB
Kennedy Farrell - Age 19 - CB
Harlow Vinson - Age 31 - RCB
Max Hamilton - Age 35 - RB
Jude Hill - Age 20 - LM
Claudia Johnston - Age 22 - RM
Noah Richards - Age 29 - LW
Raphael Smith - Age 20 - RW
Ryder Thompson - Age 23 - CF

Staff:
Archie Neall - Age 45 - Coach
Hugo Porter - Age 58 - Manager

Dunkirk FC
Roster:

First Team:
Olivia Plunkett - Age 19 - GK
Aidan Backhouse - Age 23 - LB
Hunter Alpine - Age 27 - CB
Ryder Rocher - Age 32 - CB
Bella Muskett - Age 31 - RB
Logan Hayman - Age 34 - LM
Kate Woollard - Age 32 - RM
Lucy Buttrose - Age 25 - LW
Alicia Birkbeck - Age 34 - RW
Jessica Heagney - Age 20 - CF
Jacob Dolling - Age 34 - CF

Reserves:
Benjamin Coode - Age 21 - GK
Mayank Honda - Age 26 - GK
Anna Moyes - Age 20 - LB
Skye Robe - Age 29 - CB
Sara Haugh - Age 29 - CB
Alex Mansell - Age 27 - RB
Hugo Colquhoun - Age 27 - LM
Anthony Hann - Age 28 - RM
Owen Coburn - Age 28 - LW
Zac Morehead - Age 22 - RW
Seth Kennif - Age 26 - CF
Evie Daly - Age 32 - CF

Staff:
Blake Illingworth - Age 67 - Coach
Sara Ogg - Age 43 - Manager

Marbury FC
Roster:

First Team:
Lola Dollery - Age 24 - GK
Charlie Phocas - Age 27 - LB
Zachary Lay - Age 21 - LCB
Milla Hemmant - Age 22 - CB
Donald Dean - Age 24 - RCB
Clarissa Boyle - Age 24 - RB
Jacob O’Dermot - Age 25 - LM
Amy Lycett - Age 23 - LCM
Kath St George - Age 26 - CM
Ella Kennion - Age 29 - RCM
Alexandra McVilly - Age 29 - RM

Reserves:
Darcy Fegan - Age 29 - GK
Abby Rouse - Age 22 - GK
Archer Buttenshaw - Age 27 - LB
Olive Resch - Age 22 - LCB
Madeline Bisdee - Age 19 - CB
Caitlin Creed - Age 22 - RCB
Flynn Watriama - Age 32 - RB
Abigail Hinder - Age 19 - LM
Ali Abdullah - Age 29 - LCM
Joseph Croney - Age 32 - CM
Gordon Bowes - Age 18 - RCM
Liam Dowd - Age 32 - RM

Staff:
Liam Metcalfe - Age 38 - Coach
Piper Brombie - Age 36 - Manager

Emacuton United
Roster:

First Team:
Georgina Fuller - Age 19 - GK
Gary Markers - Age 21 - LB
Katie Metters - Age 31 - LCB
Savannah Edkins - Age 28 - CB
Leo Lansell - Age 20 - RCB
Bianca Thurgood - Age 30 - RB
Brianna Hobbs - Age 20 - LM
Gemma Rodway - Age 19 - CM
Jesse Miethke - Age 28 - RM
Eva Estell - Age 20 - CF
Jonah Sweetapple - Age 29 - CF

Reserves:
Harrison Bracy - Age 18 - GK
Logan Mirams - Age 27 - GK
Brayden Kidd - Age 27 - LB
Phoebe Vogt - Age 26 - LCB
Bella Pratten - Age 35 - CB
Madison Shillinglaw - Age 29 - RCB
Natalie Clemes - Age 31 - RB
Oliver Fullerton - Age 31 - LM
Finn Chabrillan - Age 26 - CM
Owen Combes - Age 30 - RM
Hayden Blamey - Age 17 - CF
Emily Addis - Age 29 - CF

Staff:
Mason Mostre - Age 46 - Coach
Mikayla Barnsley - Age 40 - Manager

Freeman Province
Roster:

First Team:
Tristan Levy - Age 24 - GK
Alexis Steel - Age 33 - LB
Declan Quilty - Age 34 - CB
Olivia Agnew - Age 26 - CB
Bethany Annand - Age 30 - RB
Victoria Macarthur-Onslow - Age 35 - CDM
Angus Winter - Age 35 - LM
Ebony Jones - Age 35 - RM
Eve Geach - Age 22 - CAM
Christopher Huxley - Age 28 - CF
Ryder Sayers - Age 26 - CF

Reserves:
Natalia Potts - Age 29 - GK
Michael Arida - Age 26 - GK
Darcy McArthur - Age 31 - LB
Nicholas Friar - Age 25 - CB
Jeff Jeffcott - Age 32 - CB
Luke Leonski - Age 34 - RB
Hannah Clendinnen - Age 27 - CDM
Scarlett Smith - Age 32 - LM
Dominic Hacauley - Age 23 - RM
Blake Hargraves - Age 25 - CAM
Harvey Atkinson - Age 23 - CF
Sophie Skyes - Age 30 - CF

Staff:
Mason Summers - Age 58 - Coach
Daniel Pearce - Age 78 - Manager

[Sylestone]

MATCHDAYS 1-5

Matchday One

Capital FC 2–2 Cleorough FC
Betham FC 1–1 Chamberley City
Avondale City FC 1–1 Kirkham Furniture
Kirkham Sentients 1–0 Dodle FC
Kirkham City 1–0 Kirkham Appliances
Avondale Beach SC 3–1 Dunkirk Athletic
Pesfield Trees FC 2–0 Halpenley City FC
Mid-Capital 1–1 North Chamberley

The Toilet League began with the best possible start - a fourth minute goal from a young but experienced forward in Oscar Umbridge to give Capital FC an early lead. It was a good start, but Cleorough were on the ball early to fire two more goals back within the first half to take an unlikely lead. 17-year-old Quebecois Hannah Currie-Masson was all over the Capital defence, scoring one and assisting in another. The final result was a draw, but it was an enthralling start - a sign of things to come.
Betham FC and Chamberley City were two more sides to play out an intense draw. Betham are renowned for being a very aggressive side, but this season they have backed up their defence with some strong players, including Anita Rao-Chavan from Zwangzug. Cassadaiguan national team player Destiny Arias looked a class above all, scoring Betham’s only goal in the match. Meaning, for Chamberley, Chromatik Tillie Ex scored a breathtaking, last-minute goal from outside the box to equalise.
These two games were big ones, don’t get me wrong, but when they’re up against the Kirkham City - Kirkham Appliances derby… I’m sorry fellas. The two strongest Kirkham sides fought out a tough battle, but the reigning champions took all three points following a second half goal from the Spork.
Kirkham Furniture had a good start to their season, holding a rampant Avondale City to a 1-1 draw, with a good goal to Spiderwebs keeping the points to one each. Sloane Walsh was at her best, but it was 24-year-old Annabelle Larkins who scored for Avondale late in the first half.
Kirkham Sentients recorded the first discrepant result of the season, defeating newcomers Dodle FC and taking three points from the match. It might have only been 1-0, but Dodle FC were still only forming and struggled to really make many inroads. Still, it was a promising performance and a good sign of things to come.
It was also fitting to have Avondale Beach and Dunkirk Athletic, fierce rivals, play on matchday one. It was to be a good game too, with the game relatively even until the last 20 minutes when Avondale’s stamina ran Dunkirk off their feet. Two goals to Savannah Edwards put her at the top of the goal scorers chart, while Twater Harring helped out with a third. For Dunkirk, young Kim Kearnes scored, but it wasn’t enough for the fitness of Avondale Beach.
Pesfield Trees were another side who also walked away from their match with a victory and three points to go with it. They went into the match confident of their chances against a highly defensive Halpenley City side and went away with a wonderful victory. Anna Henling further pushed her case for a national team berth, assisting Valentine Cocher’s goal while also scoring her own. It was a solid all round performance by the Trees side, having upwards of 70% possession for the majority of the match.
To round out the first matchday of the Toilet League, North Chamberley held a much-improved Mid-Capital side to an intense 1-1 draw. In fact, North Chamberley even had the lead for the majority of the game, after an early penalty was slotted into the back of the net by Xannerian Jason Boston. In the following 60 minutes, the North Chamberley defence, with the likes of Jayden Berry, Iwo Lazaric and Kai Shinsui kept the Mid-Capital offensive line off. But not for long, as Mukkhali Ratnasingham broke through and equalised. It remained 1-1 for the last 20 minutes, with yet another matchday one draw rounding up the week.

Matchday Two

Cleorough FC 3–3 North Chamberley
Halpenley City FC 1–0 Mid-Capital
Dunkirk Athletic 1–1 Pesfield Trees FC
Kirkham Appliances 0–1 Avondale Beach SC
Dodle FC 1–3 Kirkham City
Kirkham Furniture 0–1 Kirkham Sentients
Chamberley City 3–5 Avondale City FC
Capital FC 2–0 Betham FC

The big game of this round was the goal fest between the likes of Chamberley and Avondale City, two sides who have quite an intense rivalry against each other. It proved to be as such once again this season, with eight goals scored across the ninety minutes of play. In the end, it was Avondale who came out on top, but that certainly did not take away from what was, realistically, a very good game of football.
Two players in the game, the Great White Shark of Chamberley and Andrew Dalton of Ethane, scored hat-tricks. They both shone through, but it was in the defence and not the attack that the victor was decided. The ever-solid Avondale defence, comprising the likes of Hugo Mornington, Sunil Damasekara, Gillian Lang and Estefany Simms, combined to help deny Chamberley’s Chromatik wingers from taking a part in the game. As a result, Avondale City has won their first game of the season.
Cleorough and North Chamberley, however, also played out a blockbuster. The result meant that both sides had had two draws from two matches, a solid but not heroic start to the season. Quinn Reynolds scored two goals, one in each half, and Jason Boston took his season tally to two with an 85th minute header from a Blake Griffiths corner. Cleorough, on the other hand, scored their three goals within the first half, all from different players. Currie-Masson also scored her second of the season, while Brenecian winger Aife Redding made his first impact, directly slotting home a corner kick. The third goal, however, was the best. It came from young Abigail Jones, a player with an extremely bright future, from outside the box. It seemed to be heading straight for the goalkeepers hands before curling and dropping, bouncing before hitting the back of the net. It was a contender for the goal of the season. On matchday two.
Halpenley City bounced back from their loss against Pesfield with a strong showing against Mid-Capital, defeating the Trains 1-0. It was a close game, but the result was a deserved one. Maybe Mid-Capital weren’t all they were made up to be. Then again, it is only early in the season.
Dunkirk was another side who bounced back well from a matchday one loss. Against a Pesfield Trees side set to make the IFCF yet again, they kept them to 1-1, much to the delight of the home fans. Austin Newmann of Murphtannia showed the 38,000-strong crowd what he was made of, threading passes and intercepting balls in Dunkirk’s defence left, right and centre. Him, Fiona Edwards, Hamish Malcolm and Jayden Clarke formed a formidable defensive line, with Pesfield star forwards only able to break through once. Unfortunately, that one time was when they scored.
Avondale Beach provided the shock of the round, defeating Kirkham Appliances, and away from home, too. This gave them their second win from two games, placing them at the head of the ladder, a promising sign for the rest of the season. However, there are still 28 matchdays to go, which is a long, long way.
After their 1-0 away win against Kirkham Furniture, Kirkham Sentients were the second side to go to the top of the table after two rounds. After a poor first game, the Bar Stool ran rampant in the midfield, assisting in every possible way. It and the Tumble Dryer began to form a formidable combination in the centre, which eventually led to a 75th minute goal to the national forward.
Kirkham City, the reigning champions, handed the newly-promoted Dodle FC a 3-1 loss at their home to keep them on null points at the tail of the ladder. It should really have been 3-0, but during injury time City’s defence slackened, letting Daniel Foreman through to give the table at least a bit of respectability.
The last match of the round was between Capital FC and Betham FC, a blockbuster by all merits. However, Capital FC were on the ball. They focused heavily on their defence, not letting Betham’s star forward Destiny Arias, almost unarguably the best player to ever play in Sylestone, have much of a chance. James Heagney, Max Paterson and Mitchell Stevenson kept the Cassadaiguan out of the game, letting their own forwards have good chances at scoring. And they did, twice.

Matchday Three

Betham FC 1–0 Cleorough FC
Avondale City FC 2–0 Capital FC
Kirkham Sentients 1–3 Chamberley City
Kirkham City 1–0 Kirkham Furniture
Avondale Beach SC 1–0 Dodle FC
Pesfield Trees FC 0–2 Kirkham Appliances
Mid-Capital 2–0 Dunkirk Athletic
North Chamberley 0–0 Halpenley City FC

Matchday three was the day of the game. The Avondale derby, Capital FC vs Avondale City FC. And what a game it was.
It was Avondale City who eventually prevailed, by two goals to zero, but it was still an incredibly intense game. The possession statistics were exactly 50% each, but Avondale had the better forwards and that was what defined the game. Emily Hawk, at 33 years old, seemed to never age, looking a class above many others on the field, scoring both of Avondale’s goals.
In other games, Betham bounced back from their 2-0 loss against Capital FC with a 1-0 victory over Cleorough FC. However, Sophia Pearson and Adrian Ferguson managed to put Arias out of the game once again, following the example led by Capital FC. This time, though, it left Travis Scott, an accomplished forward, virtually uncovered and won through a goal to him.
Chamberley City destroyed Kirkham Sentients’ perfect record with a 3-1 win in Kirkham, a victory led by Chromatik wingers Tillie Ex and Phille Mith. They were both at the top of their game and were ably backed up by a determined Dorian Bullock and Jack Hainsworth in the defence to extinguish the powers of the Tumble Dryer and Bar Stool for the majority of the game. It was a good performance by Chamberley’s premier side and a possible sign of things to come.
Kirkham City became the first side to go three from three a 1-0 victory over rivals Kirkham Furniture. It was a close game, but the result was deserved.
Directly afterwards, Avondale Beach became the second side to maintain their perfect record, defeating newcomers Dodle FC 1-0 to leave them at the tail of the table after three rounds. Qusmi Ajark-Intov Fox had a good game, scoring Avondale’s goal before they went all out on the defensive.
Kirkham Appliances had had a shocking start to the season, losing both of their first two games. They seemed destined to lose another, travelling to Pesfield to play against one of the best sides in the Toilet League. However, the Appliances, led by the Heater, took a 2-0 victory against all odds to hand Pesfield their first loss.
Mid-Capital were another side who, on matchday three, showed the nation what they were made of. Playing against an admittedly weak Dunkirk Athletic, they played possession football and scored two goals at it. M’aka Antoine of Yesopalitha was a class above, scoring both of the Trains’ goals to put them back in the mid-table.
I the final game of the third round, Halpenley City had their signature game - an uneventful 0-0 draw. This time it was against North Chamberley in Chamberley, the first game of the entire league no goals were scored.

Matchday Four

Cleorough FC 0–0 Halpenley City FC
Dunkirk Athletic 2–4 North Chamberley
Kirkham Appliances 0–1 Mid-Capital
Dodle FC 0–2 Pesfield Trees FC
Kirkham Furniture 1–0 Avondale Beach SC
Chamberley City 3–3 Kirkham City
Capital FC 0–1 Kirkham Sentients
Betham FC 4–0 Avondale City FC

You know when Halpenley City are in good form when they get two 0-0 draws in a row. Such typicality. Such boringness. I wish they would just… die.
The Dunkirk Athletic - North Chamberley matchup was much more interesting. Both sides’ forwards were on the ball, but in the end North Chamberley won out, purely through better overall play.
Kirkham Appliances may have defeated the powerful Pesfield Trees away from home, but they were surprisingly defeated at home by Mid-Capital. It was a surprise, but a deserved one. The Mid-Capital side dominated from the first minute to the last, and could well have scored more than the lone goal by Poppy Piers.
Dodle FC suffered yet another loss, this time at home to Pesfield Trees FC. Luke Oniarise of Tikariot scored his first goal of the season, and 14-year-old Alexandra Arnold, playing her first game in place of the rested Valentine Cocher, scored a blinder from the edge of the box. It was a brilliant performance, and Dodle had no answer for it.
Kirkham Furniture, unsurprisingly promoted from the Poo League, continued their decent start with a 1-0 win over Avondale Beach SC, destroying their perfect record. Avondale looked on top for the majority of the game, but when Kirkham had their chances they really made them count. So it was that they scored.
Kirkham City’s perfect was also destroyed, drawing 3-3 away from home against Chamberley City in front of 80,000 spectators. It was a brilliant game, with both sides playing at their absolute best. The result was a deserved one, a 3-3 draw, and the third time in a row Chamberley had racked up three goals in a game after their 1-1 draw on the opening matchday. The Milk Carton scored two of Kirkham’s three goals, as the Great White Shark moved to the top of the goal scorers list with four goals.
Kirkham Sentients have also proven themselves, defeating Capital FC 1-0 away from home in one of the biggest shocks so far in the League. The Tumble Dryer played up to its full potential, flinging the game’s only goal into the back of the net from 30 metres away, and at a serious pace, too.
And then that result was beaten by an even larger shock. Avondale City FC, predicted to win the Toilet League, were beaten 4-0 against Betham FC, much to the delight of the home fans. Lucas Drover, Max MacIntosh and Travis Scott ran rampant in the forward line, scoring a goal each. Avondale’s celebrated young defensive line stood no chance against the ensuing chaos while Sloane Walsh and Wanar-Sevet Opu stood up the other end with nothing to do.

Matchday Five

Avondale City FC 1–3 Cleorough FC
Kirkham Sentients 0–5 Betham FC
Kirkham City 1–3 Capital FC
Avondale Beach SC 3–1 Chamberley City
Pesfield Trees FC 0–1 Kirkham Furniture
Mid-Capital 0–0 Dodle FC
North Chamberley 0–1 Kirkham Appliances
Halpenley City FC 0–1 Dunkirk Athletic

Everything is going oh so pear-shaped for Avondale City. They followed up their 4-0 loss to Betham with a 3-1 home loss to Cleorough. It was novel, with the home side being up 1-0 after 70 minutes following a goal from Sloane Walsh, but twenty minutes of drama followed. Abigail Jones ran rampant, scoring two goals and assisting a third while Ludwig Plessner racked up his first of the season.
Then Betham FC got even better. Away from home, against a high-performing Kirkham Sentients side, Betham’s forwards drove them back down to Earth. Destiny Arias scored two goals, Amelia Stanton one, Lucas Drover one and Mathias Swift the fifth. It was a truly outstanding display, and the Sentients had no chance.
To make the round even more insane, Capital FC truly began their season, defeating reigning champions Kirkham City away from home, 3-1. They were up 3-0, but Kirkham managed to grab a consolation goal through the Kitchen Sink to at least give the scoreline a little bit of respectability.
Avondale Beach, following a loss to Kirkham Furniture, regained their place at the top of the table with a solid 3-1 victory over Chamberley City, further stating their competitiveness in the competition. Cassidy Dwyer scored her first two goals of the season, while Savannah Edwards also scored. The Avondale side had 65% possession in total, for the entire game, further showcasing their dominance.
Nothing much of note occurred in the remaining games, with only three goals throughout the four of them (three 1-0s, one 0-0). Kirkham Furniture surprised Pesfield Trees at their home ground, as Dodle FC held Mid-Capital to a draw to gain their first points of the competition. Kirkham Appliances recorded an away win over North Chamberley, as did Dunkirk, breaking Halpenley’s rock-like defensive line. The result gave Dunkirk their first win of the season, but it wasn’t enough to leap them out of the relegation zone.

Table after Matchday Five

*                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Avondale Beach SC        5    4   0   1     8    3   +5    12
 2 Betham FC                5    3   1   1    11    3   +8    10
 3 Kirkham City             5    3   1   1     9    7   +2    10
 4 Kirkham Sentients        5    3   0   2     4    8   −4     9
 5 Mid-Capital              5    2   2   1     4    2   +2     8
 6 Kirkham Furniture        5    2   1   2     3    3    0     7
 7 Avondale City FC         5    2   1   2     9   11   −2     7
 8 Capital FC               5    2   1   2     7    6   +1     7
 9 Pesfield Trees FC        5    2   1   2     5    4   +1     7
10 Kirkham Appliances       5    2   0   3     3    3    0     6
11 Cleorough FC             5    1   3   1     8    7   +1     6
   North Chamberley         5    1   3   1     8    7   +1     6
13 Chamberley City          5    1   2   2    11   13   −2     5
14 Halpenley City FC        5    1   2   2     1    3   −2     5
15 Dunkirk Athletic         5    1   1   3     5   10   −5     4
16 Dodle FC                 5    0   1   4     1    7   −6     1

[Sylestone]

Matchdays 1-5

Matchday One

Emacuton FC 1–2 Freeman City
Kirkham Suburbs 1–3 Southern Beaches
Dunkirk FC 0–1 FC Freeport
FC Conton 1–3 AFC Droves
Southern Avondale FC 0–1 Emacuton United
Western FC 1–2 Katham FC
[b]Whitepool AFC 3–0 Western Avondale
Marbury FC 1–0 Freeman Province

The first matchday of the Poo League brought some… surprising results, to say the least. It set the tone for an enthralling season where anything could happen.
The first game, between Emacuton FC and Freeman City, was destined to be a big one. The two sides lived up to expectations. It was an intense match, but Freeman City, much improved after a successful previous season, came out on top despite being away from home.
The most surprising result of the round occurred in the second game, played directly after the Emacuton-Freeman matchup. Kirkham Suburbs, who were relegated from the Toilet League last season, went out looking for blood against the weak Southern Beaches… and came back with the shock of the season - a 3-1 loss. At home.
Freeport were another side to make a good start to their season, defeating Dunkirk FC 1-0 away from home. This meant that the first three games all ended with the away side winning, a stark contrast to the Toilet League.
AFC Droves continued this trend, with a shock 3-1 win over FC Conton. The Strathfield twins ran rampant on the wings throughout the wings, scoring a goal each, with Riley assisting a second. Conton barely got a look in, a surprise for the side that was only relegated last season.
You know something is wrong when the first five games all finish with the away side winning. Yet that is what is happening in the Poo League, following Emacuton United’s 1-0 win over Southern Avondale. I guess that’s why it’s… shit.
Laughter ensues.
RE: Western FC 1-2 Katham FC. For fucks sake.
I think we all owe a prayer to Whitepool AFC. On the seventh attempt, finally, the away side actually did not win! It wasn’t even close either. Charlie Adams, Whitepool’s main forward, was unstoppable. Very Angry in goals could not stop three balls hitting the back of the net as Adams ran all over defender Old Fart. Poopoo Bumbum barely even touched the ball.
The final match, between Marbury and Freeman Province was another good game to watch. It was close, with a fiery home atmosphere created by the Marbury supporters. This erupted when, late in the second half, their team scored to give them a perfect start to the season.

Matchday Two

Freeman City 2–0 Freeman Province
Western Avondale 0–2 Marbury FC
Katham FC 1–1 Whitepool AFC
Emacuton United 1–1 Western FC
AFC Droves 1–1 Southern Avondale FC
FC Freeport 1–3 FC Conton
Southern Beaches 0–4 Dunkirk FC
Emacuton FC 0–3 Kirkham Suburbs

Matchday two began with a bang, with the Freeman derby taking headlines. The result was expected, with Freeman City taking honours over their Province counterparts, winning 2-0 much to the delight of their home fans.
Marbury FC continued Western Avondale’s poor start to the season with a 2-0 away win over the side that had played in the Toilet League in the very first season of the competition. It didn’t seem as though they were going to make many inroads again this season, for the fourth time running.
Katham FC and Whitepool then notched up the Poo League’s first draw of the season, playing out a tensely-fought match that was deserving of a 1-1 draw. Whitepool were at the absolute top of their game, nearly outclassing the superior Katham side multiple times and for the first time really looking like they might contest the top spots.
Emacuton United and Western FC then also decided to draw their match 1-1, although this game was much more dull. Georgina Fuller, playing in goals for Emacuton, had an extremely good game, the only goal coming from an impossible penalty.
AFC Droves and Southern Avondale then also decided to join the cool kids in drawing their game 1-1. What simps.
FC Conton then broke the chain, bouncing back from their first round loss to defeat FC Freeport away from home. The result dispelled most of the rumours that they weren’t working well as a group together, with the formation really clicking together, led by the experience of South Newlandian Hunter Burnser in the defensive line.
After being on a high after their shock victory over Kirkham Suburbs, Dunkirk FC brought Southern Beaches back down to Earth with a bang, smashing them 4-0 away from home. It was a good result from the Dunkirk side, who had suffered a matchday one loss to FC Freeport.
On the last game of matchday two, Kirkham Suburbs were another side to bounce back, absolutely slaughtering Emacuton FC 3-0, with the Fridge racking up the competition’s first hat-trick.

Matchday Three

Kirkham Suburbs 0–1 Freeman City
Dunkirk FC 0–0 Emacuton FC
FC Conton 1–0 Southern Beaches
Southern Avondale FC 1–1 FC Freeport
Western FC 1–0 AFC Droves
Whitepool AFC 2–0 Emacuton United
Marbury FC 0–1 Katham FC
Freeman Province 0–4 Western Avondale

Then Kirkham lost it all. And Freeman gained it. They went to the top of the table with a perfect record, continuing their resurgence that they started the season before.
Dunkirk FC and Emacuton played out a 0-0 draw in their Sugar Region derby (the Sugar Region is the fertile plains between Chamberley and Avondale before you hit the Melville Rainforest, where Chamberley lies within). Neither side seemed extremely intent on scoring; they were more than happy to let their defenders do the job and keep the opposition’s forwards away.
In the following game, Southern Beaches held FC Conton off. And off. And off. But they were too good, with Astrid Iqbal making a run in the final second and somehow scoring to push Conton into the top five.
Southern Avondale and Freeport then played out an intriguing 1-1 draw. Southern Avondale looked on top for the majority of the match, but Freeport’s defence held, keeping them to a draw.
Western FC managed a shock win against AFC Droves in the fifth match of the round, surprising all pundits. It didn’t help that Riley Strathfield, one of Droves’ star wingers, was being rested for the match.
Whitepool continued their good form, defeating a decent Emacuton United side by the scoreline of 2-0 at home.
Marbury and Katham, playing directly after, brought all the attention on to them. The two sides played out an intense struggle, but the Chamberley side eventually came out on top, much to the anger of the home Marbury fans. It was one of those games where your eyes cannot leave the screen from the pure intensity of it all.
To cap off the round, Western Avondale found form with a resounding 4-0 away victory against Freeman Province. Star forward Poopoo Bumbum scored two of the goals, with reserve Bird Shat chiming in with a third. Defender Old Fart scored the fourth with a long shot from close to the halfway line. Don’t ask.

Matchday Four

Freeman City 1–0 Western Avondale
Katham FC 2–1 Freeman Province
Emacuton United 0–1 Marbury FC
AFC Droves 2–1 Whitepool AFC
FC Freeport 0–0 Western FC
Southern Beaches 2–1 Southern Avondale FC
Emacuton FC 1–0 FC Conton
Kirkham Suburbs 1–1 Dunkirk FC

Then naturally, they lost to Freeman City. What poopoos. Then again, Freeman deserved it, passing to perfection to ensure they went to the top of the table with the perfect 12 points. Meanwhile, Western Avondale moved back down into the bottom three or so.
Katham racked up their third victory of the season against a determined Freeman Province side, who tried their best to gain their first points of the season. Despite leading 1-0 at the halfway mark, Katham were simply too good for the Province side, scoring two second-half goals to gain all three points from the match.
Marbury were another side who defeated a determined opponent by a singular opponent to continue their good form. The result put the south-eastern Sylestonean side in third place on the table, against all of the odds.
Whitepool suffered their first loss of the season in an away game against AFC Droves, Betham’s second-best side after Betham FC. It was 1-1 for most of the game, but the Droves side were just a tiny bit too good for Whitepool as they moved up into fourth place on the table.
Freeport drew their second game in a row, this one in a poor performance against Western FC, one of the weaker sides in the Poo League. The result ensured they stayed mid-table, on the same amount of points as their Chamberley opponents.
Southern Beaches then produced one of those performances where they somehow managed to beat a much better side. It wasn’t as good as the one against Kirkham Suburbs, but it was impressive all the same.
Emacuton FC then provided the shock of the round, defeating a strong FC Conton side 1-0 at home. They dominated the game and deserved the win. Conton barely got a look in, only having 28% possession for the entire game.
In the final match, Kirkham Suburbs once again failed to impress, only managing to draw with Dunkirk FC, who usually finish mid-low table in the Poo League. They’ll come around. In the meantime, on to matchday five.

Matchday Five

Dunkirk FC 4–0 Freeman City
FC Conton 1–1 Kirkham Suburbs
Southern Avondale FC 2–1 Emacuton FC
Western FC 0–1 Southern Beaches
Whitepool AFC 1–0 FC Freeport
Marbury FC 1–2 AFC Droves
Freeman Province 0–0 Emacuton United
Western Avondale 1–1 Katham FC

What do you do when you’ve just won your first four games in a row and are faced with one of you easiest opponents yet? You lose 4-0! What else? Surely you can’t be expected to win???
Yeah, this is what happened to Freeman City. Fuck the Poo League.
The second game, between FC Conton and Kirkham Suburbs was predicted to be the game to watch early on in the season. The 40,000 fans who turned up to the game were sorely disappointed. Both sides played equally terribly and neither side deserved the one point they got from it. The Fridge said later that “we just didn’t click. Barely any of our passes were successful. It was a shitshow.”
Southern Avondale stole their first victory of the season against Emacuton, taking three points in an intense 2-1 victory. Both sides’ defence were up to scratch, but their attack more so, and as a result, four goals were scored. The last one, by Emacuton, was an offside.
Southern Beaches continued their miracle run by defeating Chamberley’s Western FC 1-0 away from home. Western FC might be one of the Poo League’s weakest teams, but still… it’s Southern Beaches.
Whitepool AFC continued their good form with their run-in against FC Freeport. The 1-0 victory moved them into fourth in the sixteen-team league and giving themselves an early shot at promotion to the Toilet League.
The game between Marbury FC and AFC Droves, between 3rd and 4th in the sixteen team league, was basically as big a blockbuster as you can get. The final result was a 2-1 loss to the home team, Marbury, but it really wasn’t that close. The Droves' side was simply too good.
Freeman Province drew Emacuton United at home to take their first point of the season in a 0-0 draw. Western Avondale and Katham FC also drew their game, which rounded up the final game of the round.

Table after Matchday Five

*                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Freeman City               5    4   0   1     6    5   +1    12
 2 Katham FC                  5    3   2   0     7    4   +3    11
 3 AFC Droves                 5    3   1   1     8    5   +3    10
 4 Whitepool AFC              5    3   1   1     8    3   +5    10
 5 Marbury FC                 5    3   0   2     5    3   +2     9
 6 Southern Beaches           5    3   0   2     6    7   −1     9
 7 Dunkirk FC                 5    2   2   1     9    2   +7     8
 8 FC Conton                  5    2   1   2     6    6    0     7
 9 Emacuton United            5    1   2   2     2    4   −2     5
10 Western FC                 5    1   2   2     3    4   −1     5
11 FC Freeport                5    1   2   2     3    5   −2     5
12 Southern Avondale FC       5    1   2   2     5    6   −1     5
13 Kirkham Suburbs            5    1   2   2     6    6    0     5
14 Western Avondale           5    1   1   3     5    7   −2     4
15 Emacuton FC                5    1   1   3     3    7   −4     4
16 Freeman Province           5    0   1   4     1    9   −8     1

[Sylestone]

SFA Cup

ROUND OF 32

Results

Dodle FC 2-0 Freeman City (2-0 agg)
Freeman City 1-1 Dodle FC (1-3 agg)
Dodle FC win 3-1

Western Avondale 2-0 Emacuton FC (2-0 agg)
Emacuton FC 4-1 Western Avondale (4-3 agg)
Emacuton FC win 4-3

Freeman Province 0-2 Kirkham Appliances (0-2 agg)
Kirkham Appliances 1-0 Freeman Province (3-0 agg)
Kirkham Appliances win 3-0

Capital FC 2-0 Marbury FC (2-0 agg)
Marbury FC 1-2 Capital FC (1-4 agg)
Capital FC win 4-1

Mid-Capital 1-1 Kirkham Suburbs (1-1 agg)
Kirkham Suburbs 1-1 Mid-Capital (2-1 AET, 3-2 agg)
Kirkham Suburbs win 3-2

AFC Droves 2-0 Whitepool AFC (2-0 agg)
Whitepool AFC 1-3 AFC Droves (1-5 agg)
AFC Droves win 5-1

Kirkham Sentients 2-0 Dunkirk Athletic (2-0 agg)
Dunkirk Athletic 3-1 Kirkham Sentients (3-2 AET, 3-4 agg)
Kirkham Sentients win 4-3

Betham FC 1-0 Halpenley City FC (1-0 agg)
Halpenley City FC 1-0 Betham FC (1-0 AET, 1-1 agg, 4-3 PKs)
Halpenley City FC win on penalties

Kirkham Furniture 1-1 Cleorough FC (1-1 agg)
Cleorough FC 0-0 Kirkham Furniture (1-0 AET, 2-1 agg)
Cleorough FC win 2-1

Emacuton United 0-2 Katham FC (0-2 agg)
Katham FC 1-0 Emacuton United (3-0 agg)
Katham FC win 3-0

Western FC 3-2 Southern Beaches (3-2 agg)
Southern Beaches 0-0 Western FC (2-3 agg)
Western FC win 3-2

Avondale Beach SC 4-6 FC Conton (4-6 agg)
FC Conton 4-4 Avondale Beach SC (10-8 agg)
FC Conton win 10-8

FC Freeport 4-3 Southern Avondale FC (4-3 agg)
Southern Avondale FC 1-1 FC Freeport (4-5 agg)
FC Freeport win 5-4

Chamberley City 3-2 North Chamberley (3-2 agg)
North Chamberley 2-3 Chamberley City (4-6 agg)
Chamberley City win 6-4

Avondale City FC 1-1 Pesfield Trees FC (1-1 agg)
Pesfield Trees FC 4-1 Avondale City FC (5-2 agg)
Pesfield Trees FC win 5-2

Kirkham City 5-1 Dunkirk FC (5-1 agg)
Dunkirk FC 1-4 Kirkham City (2-9 agg)
Kirkham City win 9-2

To kick off the SFA Cup, Dodle and Freeman City played out an intriguing set of games. Dodle were certainly the better side, but they still showed signs of not being quite Toilet League level. The first game was in Dodle, where the home side gained a useful advantage, defeating the Freeman side 2-0 with homegrown winger Daniel Foreman scoring both goals, much to the delight of the crowd. The second round was much more intense, but Dodle, knowing that they already had the advantage, held on firmly to keep the result to a 1-1 draw, sending Freeman home early.
The second round was an absolute thriller. It was one of those ones where one of the sides is dominating, but at the last moment their opposition completely turns it around to steal a victory. Western Avondale dominated their home leg, winning 2-0 before scoring the opening goal in Emacuton against their premier side, Emacuton FC. Yet, Emacuton did not give up. They scored a goal on the brink of half time and another in the middle of the second half. Yet, 85 minutes in and Western Avondale taking a penalty, they looked as though they stood no chance. However, the penalty was saved, and rather miraculously, Rachel Bradley made a run across the entire field to equalise the aggregates. Then the impossible happened. Emacuton, coming back from 3-0 down with 60 minutes of game time to go, had scored four goals in that hour to progress to the second round.
The following game was disparity at its most beautiful. Kirkham Appliances versus Freeman Province. Yet, Kirkham took the opportunity to simply practice their defence, winning only 2-0 away from home and 1-0 at home. Yet, it was still a strong display, where Freeman stood no chance.
The games between Capital FC and Marbury were much the same. However, Marbury is a much better side than Freeman Province so the previous champions had to be slightly more wary. It was even such that they let through a goal in the second game, but it didn’t stop them from taking a 4-1 aggregate win.
There were no words less than thrilling that described the two matches between Mid-Capital and Kirkham Suburbs. Kirkham did not play like a Poo League side, instead keeping the powerful Mid-Capital at bay for the vast majority of the time. The first leg was drawn 1-1, as was the second leg… as the game moved into extra time. It seemed destined to go all the way to penalties, but unfortunately for Mid-Capital, the Fridge existed. In the 118th minute of the match, Sylestone’s national team captain, the Fridge, did the honours, scoring from the edge of the box near the edge of play. It was a beautiful goal; keeper Thike Saleh stood no chance.
Whitepool, who had a good start to their Poo League season, didn’t do quite so well in the intense pressure of the SFA Cup. Playing against fellow Poo League side AFC Droves, they struggled. The Droves’ side won their home leg 2-0 before consolidating their defence in a 3-1 away victory to take a 5-1 aggregate win to move along to the second round of the competition.
The matchup between Kirkham Sentients and Dunkirk Athletic was one of those ones where a remarkable comeback took place, only it wasn’t quite enough to put them over the line. The first leg in Kirkham was dominated by the home side, playing possession football to take a 2-0 lead heading into the leg at Dunkirk. Dunkirk Athletic scored a couple of quick goals to turn the tables around, but the Sentients kept their cool, scoring a goal in the 63rd minute of the match to give themselves a 3-2 aggregate lead. As the minutes wound down, Dunkirk got more and more aggressive, with Jeremy Long being red-carded in the 83rd minute after a vicious tackle. Slowly, the game began to slip away from the Dunkirk side, but they hung on. In a desperate attempt five minutes into injury time, Malcolm Bilby messed up a kick from just outside the box, but Tristan Fullers was onto it. Jumping above the Saucepan, he headed it in to equalise. But it wasn’t to be. Early on in extra time, the Tumble Dryer managed to sling the ball into the back of the net. Dunkirk couldn’t bring it back, and despite winning 3-2, the result was as good as a loss.
The legs between Betham FC and Halpenley City were even more intriguing. Halpenley were right at the top of their game, though, and that was what gave them the eventual win. In the first leg, though, Betham were in the lead.
A Destiny Arias and Travis Scott masterclass eventually defeated the might of the Halpenley defenders when they produced one of those pieces of brilliance late in the second half to give the southern Sylestonean side a 1-0 lead heading into the second leg. Betham also looked on top playing in 30C temperatures in the desert of Halpenley, but 30 minutes in and the score still 0-0, Arias was severely fouled by defender Thomas White. Arias had a minor injury but would still miss the rest of the game, while White somehow got off fine with a yellow. Halpenley then capitalised on Arias’ injury, scoring just their second goal of the season after young centre-midfielder Bailer Hussain managed to successfully cross the ball into Chromatik forward Janet Light, who equalised the aggregates. It stayed 1-0 for the remainder of the game, going into extra time and then to penalties. Arias, having successfully recovered, smacked Betham’s first penalty past Charlie Barrett. However, a miss by Max MacIntosh meant that when Anita Rao-Chavan stepped up to take the last kick, they needed a goal to progress. It didn’t happen and Betham was knocked out. In the first round.
Kirkham Furniture and Cleorough also played out an enthralling set of matches. Neither side could be separated, with the first round, in Kirkham only remaining a 1-1 draw despite both sides’ best efforts. The second round resulted in a 0-0 draw, but with the lack of the away goals rule, the game had to go into extra time. Cleorough might have felt hard done by with that rule, but they made up for it, with Quebecois Hannah Currie-Masson scoring to ensure her sides’ progression.
The following two matches between Emacuton United and Katham were not as intense as the previous few. Emacuton showed signs of class, but they were ultimately outdone by a strong Katham side, who were determined to take two wins under their belt. And take them they did, winning 2-0 in Emacuton before backing it up with a 1-0 victory at home to win 3-0 on aggregate.
The matches between Western FC and Southern Beaches, two of the Poo League’s worst sides, were not quite as interesting again. Both sides played aggressively in the first leg, and as a result, five goals were scored, with three to the Chamberley side and two to Southern Beaches. The home leg at Tuthambedon, the Beaches’ home ground, was a non-event, with Western’s defence holding strong to ensure their progression.
And then Avondale Beach and Conton played out one of those set of matches that will be burned into memory. Across two legs, 18 goals were scored, with Conton eventually winning by the utterly insane result of 10-8. The first leg, in Avondale featured a normal first half before Conton’s forwards went crazy, scoring five goals in the second half to Avondale’s two to win 6-4. The leg in Conton wasn’t any less intense. After the first half, the two sides were neck-and-neck, the scoreline being at 3-3. However, Avondale just couldn’t break through Conton as they took the aggregate victory.
FC Freeport and Southern Avondale played out an intense two games, with the Freeport side eventually taking honours after winning the first leg 4-3. The second leg was an intense battle, but Southern Avondale just couldn’t make the inroads required to turn it around.
The two Chamberley sides - Chamberley City and North Chamberley just had to be drawn against each other in round one. Of course they did. It was an enthralling set of games, too, but the more experienced Chamberley City won out, winning both games by the margin of 3-2 to progress to the last 16.
You know you’re in trouble when you pit Avondale City and Pesfield Trees together. In the first round. The two sides are widely acknowledged to be well and truly within the top five in the Toilet League alongside Kirkham City, Kirkham Appliances and Capital FC, with Betham not trailing too far behind. So when they were drawn against each other in the first round of the fifth SFA Cup, stadiums filled to the brink.
It was a stunning set of matches too. The two sides could not be separated, at all, for the entire first leg in front of an 85,000 strong crowd in Avondale. The second leg, however, was the difference. Pesfield were a good notch or two above their opponents, and racked up four goals to Avondale’s one to progress into the second round.
The final two legs, between Kirkham City and Dunkirk FC, was the predicted non-event. The first leg said it all, with Kirkham scoring three goals in the first half en route to a 5-1 victory. The second leg was just the same - a total demolition by Kirkham, winning 4-1.

And there we are! The first round of the SFA Cup!

[Sylestone]

MATCHDAYS 6-10

Matchday Six

Cleorough FC 2–2 Dunkirk Athletic
Kirkham Appliances 0–1 Halpenley City FC
Dodle FC 0–1 North Chamberley
Kirkham Furniture 0–2 Mid-Capital
Chamberley City 3–2 Pesfield Trees FC
Capital FC 5–0 Avondale Beach SC
Betham FC 3–0 Kirkham City
Avondale City FC 5–1 Kirkham Sentients

Cleorough and Dunkirk Athletic kicked off matchday six with an intense 2-2 draw. Both sides could have easily won, but some brilliant goalkeeping ensured that they both only took a singular point. Left-midfielder Zelda Katharin scored her first goal of the season, as did Aife Redding, both of Cleorough. Tristan Fullers of Dunkirk also scored his first goal of the season, while fellow forward Malcolm Bilby scored his second.
Halpenley City suddenly found their form against the heavily favoured Kirkham Appliances, somehow managing to take the game away from the Kirkham side as Janet Light scored her first of the season. It was a deserved win, with the Appliances playing well under par and Halpenley at their best.
North Chamberley continued Dodle’s woes, defeating them 1-0 away from home. It was a victory led by Xannerian Jason Boston, who scored the only goal of the match as well as assisting many opportunities.
Mid-Capital also continued their good start to the season with a 2-0 away win against Kirkham Furniture. Lucas Baker scored his first of the season, as did Brenecian winger Rose Evans. The defence was all class, with Vic Richardson, Grace Larkham and Isabel Aberdeen all holding strong to prevent the powerful Kirkham side from scoring any goals.
Chamberley City provided quite a shock on matchday six, ending up victorious against Pesfield Trees. It was a very back-and-forth game, but in the end, the home side came out on top in one of the games of the season.
Pesfield opened the scoring through Valentine Cocher, one of the best players in the country, but Chamberley bounced back through the Great White Shark, moving to the top of the goal scorers list with five goals. Pesfield then struck back after a brilliant intercept from Daniel du Plessis led to an Anna Henling goal. The second half nearly began with Pesfield’s third goal, but some brilliant defending by Lyla Holmes kept them out before, five minutes later, Joel Clemons headed in a Tille Ex corner to equalise. Then Kaiden Courtney, playing for the rested Phille Mith, scored to give Chamberley all three points.
Capital FC continued to bring Avondale Beach back down to earth with a 5-0 slaughtering against the ladder-leaders. Max Paterson was injured early on by Twater Harring, earning the Jovannic international a red card and a one-match suspension. Chris Kreis, a Tikariot free agent, came on for him and had an immediate impact. He scored two goals in the entire game, as Jason Williams, Callum Alexander and Jessie Bowen backed him up with one each en route to the thrashing.
Betham FC, though, provided the display of the round. In a mouthwatering clash against the reigning champions, Kirkham City, it was to be a sellout at the Bay Reserve in Betham. The home crowd was not disappointed.
Destiny Arias scored two goals in the match to go one ahead of the Great White Shark on the goal-scoring ladder, while Amelia Stanton scored her second of the season to give her side a shock 3-0 victory. The 50,000 fans at the stadium all erupted as one when each of the goals were scored, and once more once the result was finalised. The result meant that Betham moved to the top of the Toilet League table while Kirkham dropped to sixth.
Avondale City, fresh from being knocked out of the SFA Cup in the first round at the hands of Pesfield Trees, came into their encounter with the Kirkham Sentients searching for blood. They got it, too. An early goal to the Bar Stool simply infuriated them even more, as Sloane Walsh unleashed her bag of tricks to the enraptured home crowd. One goal after another went in until after the 90 minutes were fulfilled, Avondale City had won 5-1 and were back in IFCF contention.

Matchday Seven

Kirkham Sentients 3–2 Cleorough FC
Kirkham City 1–4 Avondale City FC
Avondale Beach SC 2–4 Betham FC
Pesfield Trees FC 1–3 Capital FC
Mid-Capital 0–0 Chamberley City
North Chamberley 0–1 Kirkham Furniture
Halpenley City FC 0–0 Dodle FC
Dunkirk Athletic 0–3 Kirkham Appliances

However, the Kirkham Sentients were not fazed one bit. Playing against Cleorough FC in a mid-table matchup, the stakes were quite high. Win, and you might be able to move into the top six or so. Lose, and you would drop.
In the end, the Sentients managed to prevail, by the margin of 3-2. Cleorough tried their best, but in the end the Tumble Dryer was just too good, slotting home a hat trick to ensure its side was given all three points.
Avondale City continued their rampage, knocking over Kirkham City away from home to move into second on the leaderboard. This continued City’s drop, falling down to seventh after finishing first last season. But it could have certainly been worse, with Avondale up 4-0 at one point late in the game and with the prospect of going 5-0 as Sloane Walsh ran in to take a penalty. News flash: She fucked it up.
Betham maintained their position at the head of the table in a top-of-the-table clash between Avondale Beach and Betham FC. Avondale played well, but the suspension of Twater Harring really showed, with 16-year-old Rachel Doyle not looking quite up to the task. Destiny Arias took matters well and truly into her own hands, scoring two more goals (does she ever stop!?) to give Betham a 4-2 victory.
The top-of-the-table clash was followed by yet another mouth watering clash - Pesfield Trees vs Capital FC. The two IFCF regulars were quite evenly matched, but Capital’s shots were more accurate and that was what won them the match, 3-1. Yet, Pesfield still had roughly 65% possession and created opportunities. It’s just that Cocher and Meadows weren’t at the top of their games today, while the likes of Callum Alexander and Oscar Umbridge were.
The next game, between Mid-Capital and Chamberley City, may have finished in a 0-0 draw, but the excitement of the game was worthy of a 5-5. Both sides’ defence was absolutely astounding, with any possible opportunities to score being rendered nil before they even started.
Kirkham Furniture managed to take all three points from a close game against North Chamberley. It was through the Spatula that Furniture scored their goal, in the 37th minute directly from a corner. The Chamberley side did their best to counter it, but simply could not make inroads.
Halpenley awarded Dodle just their second point of the season, although they didn’t really try to score many goals. Both sides were happy to simply play boring football, which to be honest, is what is expected of these two sides.
Kirkham Appliances finished off the round with a bang, outclassing Dunkirk Athletic to finally start their season for real. Young Murphtannian defender Austin Newmann was unsurpassable in the back line, but Fiona Edwards, Ralph Manga and Jayden Clarke all were not at the top of their game, and it was through them that the Appliances managed to slot three home.

Matchday Eight

Cleorough FC 1–0 Kirkham Appliances
Dodle FC 4–3 Dunkirk Athletic
Kirkham Furniture 0–0 Halpenley City FC
Chamberley City 5–0 North Chamberley
Capital FC 1–0 Mid-Capital
Betham FC 0–1 Pesfield Trees FC
Avondale City FC 4–0 Avondale Beach SC
Kirkham Sentients 1–2 Kirkham City

Unfortunately for Kirkham, though, they couldn’t maintain their strength. Cleorough had done some work on their passing and possessive play, keeping possession for 69% of the game. It worked for them, too, with the Appliances’ midfielders eventually getting so worn out that Siovanijan veteran Ludwig Plessner eventually managed to break through, scoring in the middle of the second half to hand Cleorough a 1-0 victory.
In their eighth attempt, Dodle FC finally managed to seal a victory. Hooray! The result came against a Dunkirk Athletic side scarred by injuries and all but gave Dodle the victory. But a win’s a win, and you really cannot complain about them when they do come around.
It was a strong showing, led by 18-year-old Dodle forward Sofia Arnold. Her two goals were joined by one from Daniel Foreman and one from Cassadaiguan right-back Tori Allen. The victory, however, did not come without a cost. Three goals were scored against Dodle, two to Colburt-Veil and one to Bilby. It was a clinical display, but ultimately Dodle were better. Both sides would need to improve their defence if they didn’t want to get hit by the relegation hammer.
Halpenley’s solid defensive partnership continued on its merry way against Kirkham Furniture, holding the promoted Sentient side to a 0-0 draw and move back up into 12th on the table.
Chamberley City, however, was not a sucker for boring affairs. It was a completely one sided contest in their derby with North Chamberley, running their opponents off their feet en route to a 5-0 home victory. It started with a bang, with the Great White Shark and Jack Hainsworth both scoring within the first ten minutes, the latter using all 195cm of his height to direct a Stephanie Georges corner off his head into the back of the net. From then on, North Chamberley were never in the contest. Even when City subbed Tillie Ex off in the 71st minute, fan favourite Samosa Man scored two quick goals to ensure the 5-0 drumming.
In the following game, Mid-Capital almost, almost, held the mighty Capital FC to a 0-0 draw. But they didn’t. Capital FC’s forwards, showcasing the likes of Oscar Umbridge and Callum Alexander, with good support from midfielders Chris Kreis, Max Paterson, Matt Roberts and Jeremy Smith, were simply too good. Mid-Capital’s defenders performed admirably, but ultimately it simply wasn’t enough.
Before their match against table-toppers Betham FC, Pesfield Trees had every right to be worried about their season. They were in 14th, with only seven points from seven outings and on the brink of relegation. However, finally, they found their mojo against one of the Toilet League’s best sides, defeating Betham 1-0 away from home to finally kickstart their season.
Avondale City continued their absolute demolishment following their loss to Pesfield in the SFA Cup, racking up a third win from three against Avondale Beach. The 4-0 victory put John Lawson’s side in 3rd on the ladder, only behind the mighty likes of Betham and Capital FC. In the three games between matchdays six to eight, Avondale City had racked up an astonishing 13 goals, while only letting two in. It was a fine display, with Sloane Walsh moving up into second on the Toilet League goal scoring table, while Avondale Beach were awarded their fourth loss in four outings.
To cap off the round, Kirkham City bounced back from their 4-1 loss to Avondale City with a 2-1 win in a derby with Kirkham Sentients. It was a resilient showing, re-igniting their season and pushing themselves up into fourth position.

Matchday Nine

Kirkham City 2–2 Cleorough FC
Avondale Beach SC 0–3 Kirkham Sentients
Pesfield Trees FC 2–1 Avondale City FC
Mid-Capital 0–1 Betham FC
North Chamberley 1–7 Capital FC
Halpenley City FC 0–1 Chamberley City
Dunkirk Athletic 2–0 Kirkham Furniture
Kirkham Appliances 1–0 Dodle FC

Cleorough, however, weren’t going to fall for the same mistakes the Sentients made. Kirkham City were right at the top of their game, but somehow, Cleorough kept them out. It was a solid display from the main side in Sylestone’s fourth-largest city. The Milk Carton, as well as Cleorough midfielder Abigail Jones, moved into equal sixth place on the goal scoring table with five goals.
Avondale Beach SC. They had a perfect start to the season, winning their first four games. But after their 3-0 home loss to Kirkham Sentients, the Avondale side had dropped into ninth place with five losses in a row. The Tumble Dryer, Kettle and the Bar Stool all scored as the Sentients moved into fifth place.
Avondale City’s brilliant run of absolute dominance came to an abrupt end against the side that started it in the first place. Pesfield Trees FC. What spoilsports. But they certainly deserved it, playing their hearts out to take a 2-1 win. It was one of the most intense games of the competition so far, but the result was completely deserved.
Destiny Arias continued her dominance of the Toilet League, solidifying her place at the top of the goal scorers table with nine goals with an early goal in Betham’s game against Mid-Capital. It put her two ahead of her closest competitors in Nepharan Sloane Walsh, the almighty Tumble Dryer and the Great White Shark. An interesting mix.
Poor ol’ North Chamberley. Coming off a 5-0 loss in the Chamberley derby, they took comfort in playing at home in their next match against Capital FC. But the Avondale side were far, far too good for North Chamberley, defeating them 7-1 to remain at the top of the table, ahead of fierce competitors such as the second-placed Betham FC, Avondale City FC and Chamberley City. the performance was based on an Oscar Umbridge hat-trick, with the likes of Jeremy Smith, Jason Williams, James Heagney and Amy Eaton also chipping in with one.
Chamberley City produced one of those amazing performances against Halpenley City, where they actually scored a goal. It was only the fourth goal made against the desert side. The result put Chamberley City in fourth place in the league on fifteen points, but still a fair way off Capital FC and Betham FC at the head.
Jeremy Long, playing only his second game after being red-carded in the first round of the SFA Cup, made his appearance known, scoring both of Dunkirk’s goals in a 2-0 win against Kirkham Furniture to help them increase their chances of taking themselves out of the relegation zone.
To finish off the matchday, Kirkham Appliances continued their gradual rise up the table with a solid 1-0 victory over Dodle FC. It was very close indeed, but Dodle simply were not good enough.

Matchday Ten

Cleorough FC 2–1 Dodle FC
Kirkham Furniture 1–0 Kirkham Appliances
Chamberley City 3–0 Dunkirk Athletic
Capital FC 1–0 Halpenley City FC
Betham FC 5–0 North Chamberley
Avondale City FC 5–2 Mid-Capital
Kirkham Sentients 0–2 Pesfield Trees FC
Kirkham City 0–0 Avondale Beach SC

Cleorough continued Dodle’s woes, defeating the determined mountain side 2-1 at home to move back up into the top half of the table. Cleorough were nowhere near the top of their game, but their performance was still sufficient to ensure all three points were taken.
Kirkham Furniture provided quite a shock in the second game of matchday ten, defeating the Kirkham Appliances 1-0 at home to move into ninth, while the Appliances dropped back down to twelfth.
Chamberley City continued their fine run of dominance, defeating Dunkirk Athletic at home, 3-0, to help hold themselves in fourth position on the table, ahead of the likes of Pesfield Trees and Kirkham City. It was one of those games where one side simply played so well that the other never had a look in. Both wingers, Tillie Ex and Phille Mith, scored goals alongside the ever-golden Great White Shark to give their side a 3-0 victory.
Capital FC also produced one of those heroic performances, actually managing to break through Halpenley City’s defence to take a 1-0 win from the jaws of defeat. Interestingly, the Halpenley side were on top for the majority of the game, with five-strong defensive line of Thomas White, Brett Fraser, Syong-ya Hwang, Aaron Watson and Luke Mitchell playing like absolute geniuses to keep Umbridge and Alexander out of the game. Yet, it still wasn’t enough, with a rare Marcus Brongue mistake leading to a goal to backup Capital forward Brianna Herzog scoring her first goal of the season.
Betham FC, however, remained on Capital FC’s tail, handing North Chamberley yet another massive loss. The final result was 5-0, with two goals to Destiny Arias and Lucas Drover, with a fifth to Travis Scott. The defence was stunning, too, with Torsten Eikholm in his world today, stopping everything that came near him.
Avondale City bounced back from a 2-1 loss to bogey team Pesfield Trees with an aggressive 5-2 victory over Mid-Capital. Interestingly, both sides actually deserved the win, but Avondale’s midfielders were much more consistent and solid, and that was what gave them the win. Estefany Simms, Avondale’s right-back, scored two of the five goals (albeit one from a penalty). It was a good effort by the international from Eastfield Lodge, helping out with assists to Wanar-Sevet Opu and Sloane Walsh, too.
Pesfield Trees continued their run up the ladder, moving into fifth with a 2-0 away win against the mighty Kirkham Sentients. The Tumble Dryer had a rare off day, with no shots being anywhere near the goal. Luke Oniarise, though, was right on it. He scored both of Pesfield’s goals, completely outplaying anyone else on the pitch for the first time in ages.
In the final game, Avondale Beach finally started on the long road to recovery with a 0-0 away draw against Kirkham City. The Avondale side had stacked their defence in the hope of gaining at least one point, something they did successfully.

Table after Matchday Ten

*                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Capital FC              10    7   1   2    24    8  +16    22
 2 Betham FC               10    7   1   2    24    6  +18    22
 3 Avondale City FC        10    6   1   3    28   17  +11    19
 4 Chamberley City         10    5   3   2    23   15   +8    18
 5 Pesfield Trees FC       10    5   1   4    13   11   +2    16
 6 Kirkham City            10    4   3   3    14   17   −3    15
 7 Kirkham Sentients       10    5   0   5    12   19   −7    15
 8 Cleorough FC            10    3   5   2    17   15   +2    14
 9 Kirkham Furniture       10    4   2   4     5    7   −2    14
10 Avondale Beach SC       10    4   1   5    10   19   −9    13
11 Mid-Capital             10    3   3   4     8    9   −1    12
12 Kirkham Appliances      10    4   0   6     7    6   +1    12
13 Halpenley City FC       10    2   4   4     2    5   −3    10
14 North Chamberley        10    2   3   5    10   25  −15     9
15 Dunkirk Athletic        10    2   2   6    12   22  −10     8
16 Dodle FC                10    1   2   7     6   14   −8     5

[Sylestone]

Matchdays 6-10

Matchday Six

Freeman City 2–4 Katham FC
Emacuton United 1–0 Western Avondale
AFC Droves 7–0 Freeman Province
FC Freeport 0–0 Marbury FC
Southern Beaches 2–1 Whitepool AFC
Emacuton FC 1–0 Western FC
Kirkham Suburbs 6–0 Southern Avondale FC
Dunkirk FC 0–1 FC Conton

To kick off the sixth round of the league, Freeman City and Katham participated in an intriguing goal-fest. It was a very back-and-forth game, with both sides looking like they might win it at various stages of the allotted ninety minutes. In fact, at one point Freeman City were 2-1 up, but Katham’s experience eventually got them over the line, scoring three second-half goals to move to the top of the ladder.
Emacuton United continued ex-Premiership side Western Avondale’s woes, defeating the Poopoos, 1-0, to sneak up into tenth place. The only goal of the game was scored by Eva Estell, a young, bright prospect in Emacuton (and Sylestonean) football.
Poor old Freeman Province. It’s hard being shit (no pun intended). But AFC Droves simply ran over them in this game. It got to the stage in the 70th minute when the Province side were 4-0 down that they even substituted half their team and replaced them with the backup players. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work, with Droves’ wingers and forwards giving Freeman no hope at all. The final result was a 7-0 thrashing, which moved the Droves into second place and into the promotion spots.
Following the intense slaughtering the Droves handed Freeman Province, Freeport and Marbury quietly got about their work, taking one point each in a disappointingly boring match, drawn 0-0.
Southern Beaches managed to continue their impressive start to the season, taking all three points against a deadly Whitepool side. They might have been the lowest rank before the start of the season, but the way they are going, it is looking like changing. Very much so.
In a match between two struggling sides, Emacuton FC took themselves out of the bottom two on the table to move into eleventh with seven points following a close 1-0 win against Western FC. They really shouldn’t have won; Western were the better side on the day, but they will certainly take it.
Finally, Kirkham Suburbs have arrived. Took them long enough. But they were well and truly noticeable today, playing their best in two seasons to take down Southern Avondale FC, six goals to zilch. The Fridge finally made an impact, scoring two and assisting two, with the other four goals coming from the Washing Machine, Mirror, Spoon and Knife.
In the final game, Conton moved into the top half of the table with a determined 1-0 win over the likes of Dunkirk FC, sending them spiralling out of that prestigious top half. Hunter Burnser, a new face for the Central Sylestonean side, had a perfect game, showing off his class and keeping his good faith with the management side after they brought him in from South Newlandia in their bid for promotion.

Matchday Seven

FC Conton 3–1 Freeman City
Southern Avondale FC 0–0 Dunkirk FC
Western FC 1–4 Kirkham Suburbs
Whitepool AFC 1–0 Emacuton FC
Marbury FC 4–0 Southern Beaches
Freeman Province 0–1 FC Freeport
Western Avondale 1–3 AFC Droves
Katham FC 0–1 Emacuton United

FC Conton made it two wins from two with a 3-1 win over Freeman City, who were suffering from a lapse in form after winning their first four games. Meanwhile, Conton were just finding their groove, with good signs of things to come.
Southern Avondale managed to bounce back from a despairing 6-0 loss to Kirkham Suburbs with a defensive 0-0 draw against Dunkirk. The away side deserved the victory, but Avondale’s defence held themselves together to come away with a point.
Kirkham continued their run of absolute dominance with a 4-1 away victory against a self-admittedly weak Western FC. Despite their thrashing, it didn’t actually move the Sentient side up the table any further as other results passed, but it did move Western FC down into the bottom three.
Whitepool finally made a result go their way, playing with determination en route to a deserved 1-0 win over Emacuton FC at home. However, Emacuton could feel hard done by, playing one of their best games of the season, but ultimately, their opponents were better. However, it could be a good sign for the players in blue, although they will be pushed to their limits in the next match against the third-placed Marbury.
Finally, Marbury FC decided to put a runaway Southern Beaches side back in their place. Through research, they discovered their oppositions’ weak points and exploited them to perfection, scoring four goals to none in a classic display. The result kept the southeastern side in third place, on the same number of points and ahead of Whitepool AFC and FC Conton.
Freeport may not be well known for the defensive lineup, but they recorded their second clean sheet in a row against Freeman Province, a side that currently have only one point in seven matchdays of trying. However, they certainly didn’t play badly, just the Freeport had a distinct game plan and played it to perfection.
Western Avondale moved into the bottom two of the table after a 3-1 loss to a strong AFC Droves side, one of whom seems to be desperate to qualify for the Premiership for the first time ever. Meanwhile, Western Avondale are still failing to show off signs of their former glory, recording their sixth loss in eight rounds of trying.
The result of the round, though, came in the game between Katham FC and Emacuton United. Early on, the underdogs scored to go 1-0 up. And despite their best efforts, Katham could not bring it back, eventually accepting their first loss of the season, forfeiting their near-perfect start with their first loss.

Matchday Eight

Freeman City 1–0 Emacuton United
AFC Droves 0–2 Katham FC
FC Freeport 2–2 Western Avondale
Southern Beaches 2–0 Freeman Province
Emacuton FC 1–0 Marbury FC
Kirkham Suburbs 1–1 Whitepool AFC
Dunkirk FC 3–5 Western FC
FC Conton 1–1 Southern Avondale FC

Emacuton United may have been on a high after their 1-0 victory against Katham FC, but you can be assured that they were certainly brought back down to Earth following a 1-0 loss to Freeman City, restarting their season. Both sides played with flaws in their game plans, but in the end, Emacuton had more of them as they moved outside the top eight.
In a match between two Poo League powerhouses, Katham displayed their dominance with a 2-0 away win over the first-placed AFC Droves. The result put Katham back at the head of the table, one point ahead of the Droves in second and two ahead of Freeman City and the Beaches.
In the third game, Western Avondale and Freeport played out an interesting 2-2 draw, a result which gave the Avondale side their fifth point of the season. For Freeport, it gave them their fourth draw in eight outings, alongside two wins and two losses.
Southern Beaches bounced back from their 4-0 loss with a 2-0 win over the weak Freeman Province, arguably the weakest side in the Poo League. However, it was a dominant display, with Freeman never getting a look in. The two goals were scored by Tara Bell and Addison Butler, both off corners.
Marbury FC, previously in third place, dropped a fair way all the way down to seventh following their 1-0 away loss to Emacuton FC. It was a good match, but the home side were much better on the day as they continued their long road back into form after a disastrous start to the season.
Whitepool continued a good start to their season, too, once again playing like a winning team without actually gaining three points from the match. Yet, it was an away game in Kirkham against the Suburbs and not much more could be expected as the Sentient side struggled to gain any rhythm for the season.
Poof. Sometimes sides just forget how to defend and put all of their focus on their forward line. This was evident in the game between Dunkirk and Western FC, where eight goals were scored across ninety minutes as Western FC bounded towards a 5-3 victory away from home for their second win of the season. The result moved the Chamberley side up into thirteenth and pushed the stronger Dunkirk FC back down into twelfth as both sides vie for a change in fortunes.
FC Conton were once again held off in their game against Southern Avondale, with the capital side not letting their stronger counterparts score any more than one goal. They even managed to shoot one back, although it was an own goal, but hey, who cares? It’s a draw!

Matchday Nine

Southern Avondale FC 3–3 Freeman City
Western FC 1–1 FC Conton
Whitepool AFC 1–3 Dunkirk FC
Marbury FC 0–1 Kirkham Suburbs
Freeman Province 0–3 Emacuton FC
Western Avondale 1–0 Southern Beaches
Katham FC 2–1 FC Freeport
Emacuton United 0–2 AFC Droves

Southern Avondale continued their rehabilitation from a 6-0 loss in Kirkham with their third draw in a row and their fifth in total. However, they’re still in fifteenth. How? Simply because draws are next to useless. Well, most of the time.
Western FC then pulled out their best performance of the season, holding FC Conton to a 1-1 draw as the Chamberley sides’ defence line held firm for the vast majority of the game. However, on the few occasions that Conton did get a chance, they used them effectively, even scoring on one of those.
Dunkirk FC managed to bounce back from their 5-3 loss in the previous round with a 3-1 away victory against Whitepool, who played their worst game of the season thus far. Despite an early goal to Whitepool midfielder Christian Wilson, Dunkirk bounced back in a clinical display, scoring three goals as they moved up into tenth place.
Marbury were handed their second loss in two games against an underperforming Kirkham Suburbs side out for blood. However, the eventual winners were held off for an extreme period of time due to some determined Marbury defending, but they simply couldn’t keep it up as Kirkham broke through to score the only goal of the match.
Freeman Province’s woes were continued against Emacuton FC, the latter of whom got away with a 3-0 win, a strong confidence booster in what has been a poor start to the season.
Western Avondale have finally began their road to recovery with an enthralling 1-0 victory over upstarts Southern Beaches, moving out of the bottom two for the first time in a while. Yes, there is still a long way to go, but one thing at a time, please.
Katham FC ensured they remained in first position with an unconvincing 2-1 win against FC Freeport, a side who seems to be known for getting a lot of draws recently. They nearly got another today, but the experience and superior play of Katham was simply too much, with an 85th minute goal giving Katham all three points on offer.
AFC Droves lengthened their lead over third place to three points with a hard-fought 2-0 win against a struggling Emacuton United. The home side played with spirit, but the Droves were the far better side and deserved the win without any stretch of the imagination.

Matchday Ten

Freeman City 0–3 AFC Droves
FC Freeport 1–0 Emacuton United
Southern Beaches 0–1 Katham FC
Emacuton FC 1–1 Western Avondale
Kirkham Suburbs 0–0 Freeman Province
Dunkirk FC 0–0 Marbury FC
FC Conton 2–0 Whitepool AFC
Southern Avondale FC 1–3 Western FC

The first game of matchday ten was an absolute blockbuster - a match between second and third place on the table. However, after the game, the difference was certainly still there. AFC Droves dominated the game from the first to last second, while knocking the ball into the back of the net three times to take a 3-0 win and consolidate second place.
Freeport continued their mixed start to the season, coming out with three points in an uneventful 1-0 win against the likes of Emacuton United.
The following game, however, made up for the lack of interest in the match between Emacuton United and Freeport. It was between Southern Beaches, an upstart side who has made an outstanding start to the Poo League season, and Katham FC at the top of the table. The game was a great won, but in the end, Katham came out victorious and moved to the top of the table while the Beaches dropped to sixth.
Emacuton and Western Avondale then failed to draw interest, playing out a boring old 1-1 draw as both sides seeked to make amends for the respective poor starts to the season. In the end, both sides came out with an extra point each, but they would both need much more if they were to seriously attempt promotion.
Freeman Province managed to take their second point of their season against the mighty Kirkham Suburbs, keeping the game goalless for the entire ninety minutes. It was a disappointing performance from the Suburbs side, not being able to take advantage of a Freeman City loss to move above them in the table and continuing their mercurial season.
Marbury FC managed to reignite their season with a dominant performance away from home against Dunkirk FC, keeping their opponents’ defensive line sharp at all times. Unfortunately, they couldn’t score, but it was a good start as the side in third place after matchday seven began to make their way back up the table.
FC Conton, unlike the Kirkham Suburbs, did take advantage of Freeman City’s fuck-up. The central Sylestonean side were at their absolute best for their entire game, continuing Whitepool’s horrid luck. The result put Conton up into third place on eighteen points, four points behind AFC Droves in second and five behind Katham FC.
Western FC took yet another win as they looked to continue their mid-table climb, defeating draw kings Southern Avondale FC away from home, moving up into twelfth position as Southern Avondale remained in fifteenth. It was Western’s best performance of the season, even better than the 5-3 win over Dunkirk FC, simply due to a strong defensive lineup.
After ten matchdays, the number of points between fourth and twelfth is a mere four, showing how much of a clusterfuck it is in the mid-table of the Poo League. A simple victory could really make a difference in the table, exactly what the organisers wanted.

Table after Matchday Ten

*                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Katham FC                 10    7   2   1    16    8   +8    23
 2 AFC Droves                10    7   1   2    23    8  +15    22
 3 FC Conton                 10    5   3   2    14    9   +5    18
 4 Freeman City              10    5   1   4    13   18   −5    16
 5 Kirkham Suburbs           10    4   4   2    18    8  +10    16
 6 Southern Beaches          10    5   0   5    10   14   −4    15
 7 Whitepool AFC             10    4   2   4    12   11   +1    14
 8 Emacuton FC               10    4   2   4     9    9    0    14
 9 Marbury FC                10    4   2   4     9    5   +4    14
10 FC Freeport               10    3   4   3     8    9   −1    13
11 Dunkirk FC                10    3   4   3    15    9   +6    13
12 Western FC                10    3   3   4    13   14   −1    12
13 Emacuton United           10    3   2   5     4    8   −4    11
14 Western Avondale          10    2   3   5    10   14   −4     9
15 Southern Avondale FC      10    1   5   4    10   19   −9     8
16 Freeman Province          10    0   2   8     1   22  −21     2

[Sylestone]

SFA Cup

ROUND OF 16

Results

Dodle FC 0-1 Emacuton FC (0-1 agg)
Emacuton FC 1-0 Dodle FC (2-0 agg)
Emacuton FC win 2-0

Kirkham Appliances 1-1 Capital FC (1-1 agg)
Capital FC 1-1 Kirkham Appliances (1-1 AET, 2-2 agg, 0-2 PKs)
Kirkham Appliances win on penalties

Kirkham Suburbs 1-0 AFC Droves (1-0 agg)
AFC Droves 1-1 Kirkham Suburbs (1-2 agg)
Kirkham Suburbs win 2-1

Kirkham Sentients 1-1 Halpenley City FC (1-1 agg)
Halpenley City FC 0-0 Kirkham Sentients (0-0 AET, 1-1 agg, 1-2 PKs)
Kirkham Sentients win on penalties

Cleorough FC 1-1 Katham FC (1-1 agg)
Katham FC 1-1 Cleorough FC (1-2 AET, 2-3 agg)
Cleorough FC win 3-2

Western FC 1-2 FC Conton (1-2 agg)
FC Conton 3-0 Western FC (5-1 agg)
FC Conton win 5-1

FC Freeport 2-5 Chamberley City (2-5 agg)
Chamberley City 1-0 FC Freeport (6-2 agg)
Chamberley City win 6-2

Pesfield Trees FC 3-2 Kirkham City (3-2 agg)
Kirkham City 3-0 Pesfield Trees FC (5-3 agg)
Kirkham City wins 5-3

Emacuton FC may have had a rough start to the Poo League, but none of this was seen in the two legs against Toilet League side Dodle FC. It may have helped that Dodle were already down; they were well and truly in last place in the first division table, but that didn’t take away the fact that Emacuton were only in the Poo League. Yet, they were by far the stronger side in both legs, earning two 1-0 wins to boost their confidence heading into the SFA Cup quarterfinals.
The matches between, Capital FC and Kirkham Appliances, however, were never, ever going to be anything other than absolutely, brilliantly, astonishingly fucking intriguing. They didn’t let their fans down, playing out possibly the tightest pair of matches the nation has ever seen. Neither side could be separated in the first round, drawing 1-1 in Kirkham, with the same result eventually pertaining in the second leg after an 84th minute goal to an ecstatic Callum Alexander. Going into extra time, both sides were at their absolute best, but still could not be separated as the matchup moved into penalties. Then a goalkeeping masterclass ensued.
After three shots to each side, the score remained a scarcely unbelievable 0-0, with the Oven and Capital goalkeeper Oliver Crossley each flinging themselves around the place to prevent all six shots from crossing the goalline. However, it could not be kept up, with Crossley letting in two goals as the Appliances progressed into the second round of the competition.
While this was going on, Kirkham Suburbs prevailed over AFC Droves in a reasonably intense pair of matches, despite the latter having a much better start to the Poo League season, currently in second place compared to Kirkham’s fifth. The first game was hard-fought, but the Suburbs, playing at home, came out on top in a 1-0 victory. The second game, however, was even better. Despite both sides currently in the Poo League, they each played like quality Toilet League sides, playing at their absolute best as the Droves attempted to take a victory to force extra time. Alas, it didn’t happen, with the Suburbs keeping the result to a 1-1 draw as they progressed to the final eight.
Another game, another penalty shootout. However, it didn’t come without controversy. The first game of the two between the Kirkham Sentients and Halpenley City FC finished as a 1-1 draw before the second leg was an intense, goalless draw. Last season, the away goals rule would have meant Halpenley progressed, but this season, it wasn’t to be the case. Extra time came and went before the Sentients slotted in two of their first three shots compared to Halpenley’s zero, mainly due to some brilliant keeping by the Saucepan. When Marcus Brongue slotted home the desert sides’ fourth shot and Bar Stool missed, things got interesting, but a fourth miss to Halpenley ensured their loss.
And then came yet another set of draws. 180 minutes of football between Katham FC and Cleorough FC, and neither side could be separated from a goal each every ninety minutes or so. However, in this case, the extra thirty made all the difference. Tied 2-2 on aggregate, Cleorough were determined to make sure that they didn’t humiliate themselves by losing to a second division side (albeit one in first place) in the SFA Cup’s round of 16. They didn’t. In the 112th minute of the match, Hannah Currie-Masson slotted home an Aife Redding corner as Cleorough progressed to the quarterfinals.
FC Conton walked their way into the Cup quarterfinals with two strong wins over the weaker Western FC. The first of these two games had Conton up 2-0 with ten minutes to go before a piece of brilliance from Western forward Rebecca Hunter brought the home side back a goal. Yet, it still was not enough for them, losing the first leg and leaving themselves with the daunting task of needing to defeat Conton at their home ground. Yeah, they fucked it up. Conton were all over the Western players, winning 3-0 to romp their way into a quarterfinal clash with Cleorough FC.
Chamberley City became the second side to completely demolish an opponent in the SFA Cup’s round of 16, defeating mid-table Poo League side FC Freeport by the aggregate margin of 6-2. The first leg was a good one for both sides to be perfectly honest with you, with Freeport still managing to score two goals… but it was up against five from Chamberley as they took a three goal lead into their home leg. There was no way Freeport were going to chase it down, but they still gave it their best shot. At the end of the first half, Chamberley were actually on the back foot, but still, no goals had been scored. Freeport came out after the break all guns blazing, but alas, they were always going to tire. It was here that Chamberley made the most of it, scoring a goal in the final ten minutes to ensure they took a 6-2 aggregate win.
Poor Pesfield. Faced with Avondale City in the first round, who they only defeated in the second half of the second leg and then put up against reigning Toilet League champions Kirkham City. Yet, they still gave it their best efforts.
As the full crowd in the Trees Stadium were expecting, the first leg was a brilliant game. Even better for the Pesfielders, their side came out on top in a massive struggle, only decided in injury time with a Valentine Cocher goal from the edge of the box. The home crowd were sent into raptures, but there was still a long way to go.
Rejuvenated, Kirkham came out all guns blazing in the second leg in front of a full crowd of Sentients sitting on toilet seats. Pesfield could do nothing but sit back and watch as City romped to a brilliant 3-0 victory, removing their one goal deficit and then smashing it apart with two more. It sealed a mouthwatering quarterfinal clash with an improved Chamberley City side out for blood.

[Sylestone]

MATCHDAYS 11-15

Matchday Eleven

Avondale Beach SC 1–2 Cleorough FC
Pesfield Trees FC 0–2 Kirkham City
Mid-Capital 0–3 Kirkham Sentients
North Chamberley 1–1 Avondale City FC
Halpenley City FC 0–0 Betham FC
Dunkirk Athletic 1–2 Capital FC
Kirkham Appliances 2–1 Chamberley City
Dodle FC 0–0 Kirkham Furniture

Matchday Eleven was kicked off with a nailbiting game between Avondale Beach and Cleorough, two mid-table sides vying for a return of form, particularly in Avondale’s case. But Cleorough were the better side on the day and came out on top, if only just, in a great clash. Charlie May, taking the left wing for the rested Qusmi Ajark-Intov Fox, made his presence known early on with a first half goal. At half-time, Avondale Beach SC were 1-0 up but Cleorough still had lots left in the sheds. They came out guns blazing after the break, with goals to Abigail Jones and Tyler Mirth sealing an intense victory as they moved ahead of Pesfield on the ladder and up into seventh.

For the third time in a row, Pesfield Trees and Kirkham City faced off in a clash, with Kirkham prevailing once again as they moved back up into fifth position on the ladder. The two sides had recently played out two legs in the SFA Cup’s round of 16, with Pesfield forfeiting a 3-2 lead after a home win with a 3-0 loss. Back at home for matchday eleven of the Toilet League, they could not redeem themselves and lost 2-0 as they slipped down to eighth.

Kirkham Sentients were at their brilliant best in their away game against Mid-Capital on matchday eleven. The Bar Stool, playing its last game until travelling to Halpenley to play against Talkasa in the first World Cup Qualifier, played absolutely brilliantly - scoring a goal while threading through passes for the other two. The Tumble Dryer also had a good game, going into the game against Talkasa in form with a goal from well outside the box.

North Chamberley managed to hold Avondale City FC to a 1-1 draw, much to the astonishment and delight of home fans. It was a clinical performance, especially by the defenders, to keep the Toilet League’s best offensive line at bay for the entire game. Leslie Black even scored a goal in the early stages of the second half to equalise the scores after Andrew Dalton scored in the first half for the away side.

After knocking them out in the first round of the SFA Cup, Halpenley City FC continued to be Betham’s bogey team, keeping the naturally aggressive side to a 0-0 draw at home. Destiny Arias, once again, was taken out of the game through heavy marking and although Betham were certainly the better side, Halpenley were just good enough to hold them.

Following Betham’s draw, Capital FC seeked to lengthen their lead to a two point one in their game against Dunkirk Athletic. An early goal to Jamieson Wilson had Capital fans on the edge of their seats but eventually, goals to Matt Roberts and Amy Eaton put Capital back in the lead as they scraped through the round with three extra points.

Kirkham Appliances may have come out of their contest with Chamberley City with an extra three points, but their opponents still certainly dominated the clash. Yet, Kirkham were more efficient with their opportunities and that was why they won. Two goals to the Heater put the Appliances in front but despite a brilliant goal to Chromatik winger Tillie Ex, they simply could not turn it around.

To cap off the round, Dodle held Kirkham Furniture to a 0-0 draw at home as they seeked a return of the form that had escaped them since the start of the Toilet League season. After notching up 64 points across 30 games in the Poo League last season, they had not hit their traps one bit this season despite having a much stronger side. ‘Tis the way of the world.

Matchday Twelve

Cleorough FC 1–0 Kirkham Furniture
Chamberley City 1–1 Dodle FC
Capital FC 2–1 Kirkham Appliances
Betham FC 0–3 Dunkirk Athletic
Avondale City FC 3–0 Halpenley City FC
Kirkham Sentients 2–0 North Chamberley
Kirkham City 1–4 Mid-Capital
Avondale Beach SC 2–2 Pesfield Trees FC

Currently in seventh place, Cleorough FC were in dire need of a win if they were to push for IFCF spots. They had one of their better opportunities against Kirkham Furniture, another mid-table side who were searching for an alley into the top half of the table. They didn’t get it, with Cleorough managing to overcome the promoted side with a singular goal.

Once again, Dodle FC began hinting at a return to form, keeping Chamberley City to a draw in a gritty contest. While the result wasn’t enough to take them out of sixteenth place on the table, it pushed Chamberley City down into sixth, behind Cleorough.

Capital FC continued to separate themselves from the rest of the pack following a last minute goal to Max Paterson against Kirkham Appliances. Callum Alexander scored early before the Telephone shot one back. The game was very even indeed, with both sides getting multiple good chances, but in the end, Capital netted more than Kirkham. And as Electrumite scientists discovered during the 78th Cup of Harmony, the side with the most goals at the end of a football match is always the winner.

Then came the result of the round, if not the season. At home, Betham FC were absolutely thumped by fifteenth place. 3-0. They might have been playing a second XI of sorts, with Destiny Arias, Lucas Drover and Torsten Eikholm all being rested. However, Dunkirk were still far and away the best side, with Trinity Colburt-Veil, Jamieson Wilson and Felicity Williams all scoring in the thumping.

Avondale City FC then pounced on Betham’s mess - equalising them on points with their best performance of the season - a 3-0 win over defensive masters Halpenley City FC. After the first half, the score was still 0-0 but finally, in the second half, Avondale finally managed to break through and put three goals past Halpenley goalkeeper Charlie Barrett. It was a display of total dominance as Avondale had over 75% possession for the entirety of the second half, showing just how powerful they were.

Kirkham Sentients continued their strong form with a 2-0 win over North Chamberley, despite missing the Bar Stool alongside the Tumble Dryer to national team duties. However, they would be two happy Sentients when they arrived home following the matchday thirteen clash with Halpenley City; even more so if they could come out as victors.

Kirkham City’s struggles continued with a 4-1 home loss to Mid-Capital who began to show the promise that they seemed to have at the beginning of the season. It was a dominant display as the reigning champions were completely outdone through goals to Austin Miller, Lucas Baker, Rose Evans and Poppy Piers. It pushed them up into ninth place as they began their quest for table ascendancy. Finally.

On the final matchday, Avondale Beach SC succeeded in holding the mighty Pesfield Trees to a 2-2 draw at home as they failed to break away from the mid-table cluster to where they belonged in the top four or five. It was mainly down to two brilliant goals to Qusmi winger Ajark-Intov Fox as well as nearly assisting two more.

Matchday Thirteen

Pesfield Trees FC 1–0 Cleorough FC
Mid-Capital 1–1 Avondale Beach SC
North Chamberley 1–1 Kirkham City
Halpenley City FC 1–0 Kirkham Sentients
Dunkirk Athletic 3–3 Avondale City FC
Kirkham Appliances 0–0 Betham FC
Dodle FC 0–2 Capital FC
Kirkham Furniture 1–1 Chamberley City

Pesfield Trees once again were unable to dominate against a weaker Toilet League side, only disposing of Cleorough FC at home by one goal to none. Yes, it was a victory, but Cleorough certainly looked to be the better team; their passing was more accurate and had more shots at goal. They just could not convert them.

Mid-Capital, coming off a 4-1 away victory over Kirkham City, were brought back down to earth by a determined Avondale Beach SC, who held the Trains off for the majority of the game, the only goal being conceded in the 87th minute. As a result, each side took a point out of the game as neither could break into the top half of the table.

Kirkham City’s woes were continued by a determined North Chamberley, of whom came away from their home game with an extra point. Kirkham dominated, but following a 70th minute goal from Xannerian Jason Boston, they held the reigning champions to a 1-1 draw as they continued to struggle.

Halpenley finally managed to break their win drought with a solid 1-0 victory over Kirkham Sentients. While the Sentients had the majority of the possession, the celebrated Halpenley defence held strong while Marcus Brongue scored his first goal of the tournament. It was only the third in Halpenley’s entire season, a bit of an issue as 13 matchdays have passed, but they have only conceded eight.

Dunkirk Athletic continued their good form, matching Avondale City to their very last breath in an intriguing 3-3 draw. Neither sides’ defence were quite there, but a packed crowd at the Ground of Dunkirk certainly helped motivate their side. Colburt-Veil scored two for Dunkirk, while Williams scored the other. Howard Nevill made up for Sloane Walsh’s absence with a goal to go alongside one each from Damasekara and Tatyova.

Betham FC and Kirkham Appliances played out a 0-0 draw at the Appliances’ home ground, the Sentient Oval in Kirkham. Neither side could control the midfield and both had limited opportunities at goal. Those that were had could not be converted, but Betham still hung in second. Just.

With Betham FC’s wheels falling off, Capital FC took the opportunity to take a seven-point lead over their rivals, playing defensively in a 2-0 away win over Dodle FC, who remained the only side with a single figure in terms of points. With over half the league to go, a champion already looks set.

Chamberley City could not re-establish themselves inside the top four, taking advantage of the Sentients’ loss, with a 1-1 draw against the Furniture. They nearly got there, with a brilliant shot five minutes into stoppage time from Tillie Ex hitting the crossbar but bouncing to a Kirkham defender. Still, fifth place is a very good position - it doesn’t take much to get into the top four from there.

Matchday Fourteen

Cleorough FC 1–1 Chamberley City
Capital FC 1–0 Kirkham Furniture
Betham FC 1–0 Dodle FC
Avondale City FC 0–1 Kirkham Appliances
Kirkham Sentients 2–0 Dunkirk Athletic
Kirkham City 0–1 Halpenley City FC
Avondale Beach SC 6–0 North Chamberley
Pesfield Trees FC 1–2 Mid-Capital

Once again, Chamberley City could not convert a brilliant game into a win, with Cleorough FC’s defence holding strong after an early goal to the Great White Shark. Chamberley had 70% possession throughout the game but could not cap it off, finishing with their second 1-1 draw in a row against a weaker side.

Capital FC grabbed another three points, this time off Kirkham Furniture. It was a close game, but the pure talent and experience in the Capital squad eventually paid off, with backup forward Ethan Everest scoring his first goal of the season in a 1-0 victory. With Betham FC and Avondale City yet to play their matches, they took a temporary eleven point lead over their contenders.

But it wouldn’t last long. Betham FC once again were nowhere near their best, but still managed to dispose of Dodle FC, 1-0. Destiny Arias, who had struggled over the past few games, finally began to start finding her feet again, dominating the Dodle defence, including fellow Cassadagan Tori Allen. She scored the only goal of the match as Betham succeeded in remaining in second place.

Despite their poor performance, they still managed to consolidate second place. Avondale City, their main adversaries, came out second best in a tense game against the Kirkham Appliances. The Soap, the Appliances’ substitute midfielder, scored the only goal of the match as they finally began to move up the table.

Dunkirk Athletic, beginning to find some form, lost it when they were faced by the Kirkham Sentients. Missing the Bar Stool and the Tumble Dryer, they were not expected to take more than one point away from the game, no matter Dunkirk’s position on the ladder. But then again, Kirkham Sentients were having a breakout season.

Halpenley City continued Kirkham City’s woes, handing them a home loss while scoring just their fourth goal of the season. It was scored by Jowana Jewowić, one of Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom’s most promising young forwards in the 73rd minute of the match. The result means that Halpenley have moved six points ahead of the relegation spots, while Kirkham City drop into the bottom half of the table.

If Halpenley’s games are boring, though, Avondale Beach’s must be the exact opposite. Up against North Chamberley on matchday fourteen, they knew that this was their chance to display their dominance over some other weaker sides in the league. And so they did.
It was an absolute slaughter. Savannah Edwards managed two goals while Ajark-Intov Fox, Twater Harring, Nigel Humphries and Bethany Cunningham all scored goals en route to a whopping 6-0 win.

In the final game of the matchday, Mid-Capital punched above their weight to shock a confident home Pesfield crowd with a 2-1 win over the Trees. The only thing that even stopped it from being a 2-0 crushing was a late goal to Valentine Cocher in stoppage time. Ever-reliable, isn’t he?

Matchday Fifteen

Mid-Capital 1–0 Cleorough FC
North Chamberley 1–3 Pesfield Trees FC
Halpenley City FC 0–0 Avondale Beach SC
Dunkirk Athletic 5–1 Kirkham City
Kirkham Appliances 1–0 Kirkham Sentients
Dodle FC 0–5 Avondale City FC
Kirkham Furniture 0–2 Betham FC
Chamberley City 1–2 Capital FC

Mid-Capital managed their second win in a row over a tough opposition, defeating Cleorough FC 1-0 thanks to a goal to Yesopalithan M’aka Antoine. It had to be a contender for the goal of the tournament, too, being a blinder from well outside the box. Cleorough goalkeeper Mali Jackson had no chance at all.

Pesfield Trees made amends for their 2-1 home loss to Mid-Capital with a 3-1 win over North Chamberley. They were given a scare, though, with Chamberley’s Xannerian forward Jason Boston scoring the first goal of the match, but Pesfield’s far-superior midfield play eventually ensured they would take the victory.

Halpenley, once again, ensured they participated in a very boring game, keeping Avondale Beach to a 0-0 draw with some sublime defending. Luke Mitchell, as always, proved his class in the left defence, ensuring he shut down fellow NT player Savannah Edwards, rendering her useless. Overall, Halpenley had more than 60% possession, but could not slot home any of their opportunities. It meant that they would have scored only four goals across the first half the season. Crazy shit, that.

Kirkham City’s situation went from bad to worse with a simply embarrassing 5-1 loss to relegation contenders Dunkirk Athletic. It was an abhorrent display from the reigning champions - they simply could not match the Dunkirk side, playing their best game since their miracle season two years ago. A Malcolm Bilby hat-trick further increased his chances of playing in the Sylestonean Olympic side - if he could keep it up good things were coming. He was assisted by a goal apiece to Kim Kearnes and Austin Newmann, with Kirkham’s sole goal coming when Dunkirk were already 3-0 up. The result means that they, finally, have moved out of reach of North Chamberley in fifteenth spot, for the time being at least.

Kirkham Appliances finally began to showcase their true strength, defeating an in-form Kirkham Sentients side in yet another Kirkham derby. It was a strong showing from one of the Toilet League’s best sides as they moved back up into seventh place on the table.

Avondale City, fresh off a loss to the Appliances, took their anger out on a helpless Dodle FC side, running all over them in a 5-0 win away from home. It was a true slaughter, with each of the five goals coming from the boot of a separate player. In total, Avondale had roughly 80% possession; the Dodlians barely got a look in. It meant that they were well and truly last in the Toilet League after the first half of the season, with only seven points.

Betham got back to their winning ways with a 2-0 win over Kirkham Furniture in the second-last game of the round, with Betham’s four-strong forward line running all over the promoted side from last season. However, Kirkham’s defence managed to hold itself together for the majority of the match, with only two shots able to break past the Cabinet in goals. The win ensured that Avondale’s threat of second place was put on hold, with Betham able to move back behind Capital FC by four points.

To wrap up the first half of the season, Capital FC managed to overcome a tough challenge presented by Chamberley City and regained their seven point lead over Betham. Oscar Umbridge continued his breakout season with two more goals, while the Great White Shark moved ahead of Sloane Walsh on the goalscorers tally, becoming only the second player to hit ten goals for the season. An impressive feat, especially considering that the number one is Destiny Arias of Cassadaigua.

Top Ten Goalscorers Tally:

1. Destiny Arias - 12 (Betham FC - Cassadaigua)
2. Great White Shark - 10 (Chamberley City - Quemorr Isles)
3. Sloane Walsh - 9 (Avondale City FC - Nephara)
4. Tumble Dryer - 8 (Kirkham Sentients)
=4. Oscar Umbridge - 8 (Capital FC)
=6. Andrew Dalton - 7 (Avondale City FC - Ethane)
=6. Abigail Jones - 7 (Cleorough FC)
=6. Savannah Edwards - 7 (Avondale Beach SC)
9. Heater - 6 (Kirkham Appliances)
=10. Malcolm Bilby - 5 (Dunkirk Athletic)
=10. Valentine Cocher - 5 (Pesfield Trees FC)
=10. Callum Alexander - 5 (Capital FC - Ethane)
=10. Milk Carton - 5 (Kirkham City)
=10. M’aka Antoine - 5 (Mid-Capital - Yesopalitha)
=10. Lucas Drover - 5 (Betham FC)
=10. Wanar-Sevet Opu - 5 (Avondale City FC - Qusmo)

Table After Matchday Fifteen:

*                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Capital FC              15   12   1   2    33   11  +22    37
 2 Betham FC               15    9   3   3    27    9  +18    30
 3 Avondale City FC        15    8   3   4    40   22  +18    27
 4 Kirkham Sentients       15    8   0   7    19   21   −2    24
 5 Pesfield Trees FC       15    7   2   6    20   18   +2    23
 6 Mid-Capital             15    6   4   5    16   15   +1    22
 7 Kirkham Appliances      15    7   1   7    12    9   +3    22
 8 Chamberley City         15    5   6   4    28   22   +6    21
 9 Cleorough FC            15    5   6   4    21   19   +2    21
10 Avondale Beach SC       15    5   4   6    20   24   −4    19
11 Kirkham City            15    5   4   6    19   28   −9    19
12 Halpenley City FC       15    4   6   5     4    8   −4    18
13 Kirkham Furniture       15    4   4   7     6   12   −6    16
14 Dunkirk Athletic        15    4   3   8    24   30   −6    15
15 North Chamberley        15    2   5   8    13   38  −25    11
16 Dodle FC                15    1   4  10     7   23  −16     7

[Sylestone]

Matchdays 11-15

Matchday Eleven

Western FC 3–3 Freeman City
Whitepool AFC 1–2 Southern Avondale FC
Marbury FC 4–0 FC Conton
Freeman Province 4–1 Dunkirk FC
Western Avondale 5–0 Kirkham Suburbs
Katham FC 1–0 Emacuton FC
Emacuton United 1–1 Southern Beaches
AFC Droves 2–1 FC Freeport

Matchday eleven began with a bang - a goal-fest between Western FC and fourth-placed Freeman City. Freeman seemed destined to continue their run, leading 3-1 at the half time break, but Western FC outplayed them in the second half to take a point away from the match.

Whitepool AFC once again played a very strong game in the midfield, completely outclassing their Southern Avondale opponents, but their defence was simply not up to scratch, letting two goals in to their one despite having more than two-thirds of possession. The result meant they dropped to eighth and ensured they were on the brink of dropping to the lower half of the ladder.

FC Conton had one of those days. One that everything simply goes wrong for them. In third place leading into the game, they should have been able to take a dub over an upstart Marbury side, but in front of a jubilant home crowd, were absolutely humiliated. Four goals to nil, and to make matters worse, South Newlandian defender Hunter Burnser pulled his groin badly slide-tackling Marbury midfielder Ella Kennion. He would be out for months.

Freeman Province then recorded their first win of the season, and what a win it was. It was one of their best chances so far; they were up against a relatively weak Dunkirk FC at home and with a home crowd, anything seemed possible. Inside the first 60 minutes, Christopher Huxley managed to put three past young Olivia Plunkett in goals for Dunkirk. In the end, Dunkirk were able to score a lone goal but they could not withstand the Freemanites as they romped to a 4-1 win and took away more points from the game than their previous ten games. Could it be the start of something big?

Three games, three fucking weird results. Kirkham Suburbs, missing the likes of the Fridge and the Washing Machine, were thumped 5-0 by a Western Avondale side hanging around the bottom of the Poo League table. Star forward Poopoo Bumbum managed to rack up a brilliant hat-trick, running all over the Kirkham defence line as they put five goals into the back of the net. If only they could do that every week.

Katham FC ensured they remained at the head of the Poo League table with a 1-0 home win against a spirited Emacuton FC, who were under the pump from the get-go. However, they did not give up and kept their defence intact - so much so the only goal scored was a penalty following a poor but determined tackle on a Katham striker.

Southern Beaches’ strong run continued when they held a superior Emacuton United to a 1-1 draw at their home ground. It was quite an intense game, with neither side scoring until the 74th side, but eventually, two goals within three minutes of each other were scored to give either side a single point.

To finish off the round, AFC Droves overcame a 1-0 deficit at the hands of Freeport to take all three points. Early on, Richard Carolyn of Freeport caught the Droves defence off guard, but the Strathfield twins on the wings continued their sublime form, tearing through the Freeport defence. At only 18 years of age, they seemed destined for greatness.

Matchday Twelve

Freeman City 2–1 FC Freeport
Southern Beaches 0–0 AFC Droves
Emacuton FC 1–2 Emacuton United
Kirkham Suburbs 1–3 Katham FC
Dunkirk FC 1–1 Western Avondale
FC Conton 1–1 Freeman Province
Southern Avondale FC 0–0 Marbury FC
Western FC 1–3 Whitepool AFC

For the second matchday in a row, Freeport came out second best in a thrilling affair against one of the Poo League’s best teams. Freeman scored first, but early in the second half, Freeport were able to equalise. But into stoppage time, a long shot for goal from Zac Irwin deflected off the boot of Freeman centre-forward Miles Duff. Freeport goalkeeper Jayden Cox had no chance; he could only stand and watch as he was wrong-footed by the touch. Freeman had taken yet another win.

AFC Droves were then somehow held to a draw by Southern Beaches, continually pushing above their weight. The defence were at their best; cutting out the deadly Droves wingers and pushing forward themselves on occasion. They may not have dominated, but they certainly deserved the goalless draw.

Emacuton United managed to grab their biggest dub yet in a 2-1 away win against hometown rivals Emacuton FC. Before the match, United were in 13th and Emacuton in 9th, but they effectively switched places, with the victors moving into Emacuton’s old spot and the losers dropping to 11th.

Kirkham Suburbs were once again not at their best, but still only held Katham FC to a 3-1 win as they increased their lead over AFC Droves to three points and nine points over Freeman City in third. The result also pushed the hapless suburbs down into eighth place on the table as they continued, and failed, to seek a way back up into the Toilet League.

Dunkirk and Western Avondale played out an extremely disinteresting game on matchday twelve, drawing 1-1 as predicted. Both sides were relatively evenly-matched, so in the end, a draw wasn’t the most surprising outcome as the two sides remained stuck at the bottom end of the table. If they wanted to even push the top few spots, something radical had to happen, and now.

Burnser’s injury was a real burden for poor old Conton. If he were still with them, they would have easily been able to dispatch an abhorrent Freeman Province side. Instead, Freeman managed to dominate against their ex-Toilet League opponents, but could not take out the win. Instead the result was a draw, and Freeman got their sixth point of the season against one of the Poo League’s most dominant sides.

Just days after a miraculous 4-0 win over Conton, Marbury fell back into their shell with a 0-0 draw away from home against Southern Avondale. At times, it appeared Marbury wasn’t even trying to score, despite being the better of the two sides. It also meant that they weren’t able to take advantage of Conton’s fuck-up as they remained in fifth place, a point behind the central Sylestonean side.

Whitepool moved back up into seventh place on the table with a solid 3-1 win over Chamberley’s Western FC, finally able to use their good form to bring down an opponent. Still, it was not an ideal game and Western should still have scored on multiple occasions, but Whitepool thoroughly deserved the points. Every one of them.

Matchday Thirteen

Whitepool AFC 1–3 Freeman City
Marbury FC 1–1 Western FC
Freeman Province 0–1 Southern Avondale FC
Western Avondale 3–1 FC Conton
Katham FC 2–1 Dunkirk FC
Emacuton United 1–1 Kirkham Suburbs
AFC Droves 4–0 Emacuton FC
FC Freeport 1–1 Southern Beaches

Whitepool may have been able to defeat Western FC, but they could not jump Freeman City and contend for third spot. Despite the score being 1-1 heading into the second half, Freeman’s amazing stamina and nerveless attitude ensured they would take three points out of the fixture and solidify their hold on third. By a point or two.

Marbury FC managed to jump Conton in fourth spot with an underwhelming 1-1 draw with Western FC. The home side dominated the entire game - Western’s only goal came when Marbury defender Charlie Phocas lost control of the ball, leaving Lola Dollery in a one-on-one with a determined Ava Bennet. The result moved Western FC up into 13th place on fourteen points; one of four teams to do so after this matchday.

Southern Avondale FC successfully overcame Freeman Province in a bottom-of-the-table clash, skipping the quartet on fourteen points and jumping into 11th place. They felt they could have done better, winning only 1-0, but in the end, a win’s a win. Everybody’s happy.

Western Avondale was Conton’s prime opportunity to move back up into fourth place, but Burnser’s absence in the defence made it easy for the home sides’ forwards to break through. In the end, Western Avondale were able to move up three places into tenth and with Southern Avondale and Western FC the only two sides left to play against, six more points was certainly a possibility.

Dunkirk FC came so close to joining Western Avondale on seventeen points. 1-0 up in the 80th minute against the mighty Katham FC, a win was certainly not out of sight. Instead, it was the ladder-toppers who were under immense pressure. Dunkirk was about to pull off a miracle.
Amelia Turnbull had other ideas. The right-midfielder netted two balls in the space of seven minutes, completely knocking the hearts out of Dunkirk. They had gotten so close. But not close enough.

Kirkham Suburbs were once again completely below par as Emacuton United kept them to a 1-1 draw away from home on matchday thirteen. It was a poor result, but still suffice to keep the Sentient side in seventh place on the Poo League table. But still, they were nine points off the Droves in second, and they still had a game on the Suburbs side. No one was likely to catch them, or Katham. Would they have to stay in the Poo League for season six?

It appeared so. AFC Droves continued to dominate alongside Katham, notching up a stunning 4-0 win over Emacuton FC, leaving them within the bottom five on fourteen points. It also ensured that the Droves maintained their six-point lead over Freeman City, their closest contenders for second place while remaining within reach of Katham FC.

Southern Beaches played one of their worst games so far against Freeport, but fortunately for them, it came at the right time. In their current form, they probably should have been able to beat them, but luck was on their side. For FC Freeport are one of the weaker sides in the Poo League, and they could not steal the advantage.

Matchday Fourteen

Freeman City 1–1 Southern Beaches
Emacuton FC 3–0 FC Freeport
Kirkham Suburbs 3–1 AFC Droves
Dunkirk FC 0–1 Emacuton United
FC Conton 0–1 Katham FC
Southern Avondale FC 2–1 Western Avondale
Western FC 2–3 Freeman Province
Whitepool AFC 1–0 Marbury FC

The Beaches, however, found it again before their away clash with a determined Freeman City. It was their fourth draw in a row, but considering two of those were against second and third place, it is an acceptable record. If only they could take wins when they deserved them against Emacuton United and FC Freeport, though.

With both Emacuton FC and FC Freeport on 14 points, this was a chance for both sides to finally move out of the bottom few and push their way up the ladder. Emacuton took it with their entire bodies, scoring three goals to nil as they moved up into 11th place and only a win away from hitting as high as fourth. Mid-table clusterfucks are the Poo League’s specialty, it seems.

With only one round to go before the re-entrance of the Fridge and Washing Machine to the Kirkham Suburbs, it was all they could do to not get absolutely thumped by the second-placed AFC Droves. But instead, they caught the Betham side off their guard, slotting three shots past Marko Kriz in goals en route to a 3-1 win. It moved Kirkham up into fourth, four points behind Freeman City and a further five behind the Droves, still in second place.

Emacuton United continued their good form with a 1-0 away win over slight favourites Dunkirk FC, despite being lower on the table. Georgina Fuller, the United goalkeeper, stopped the equaliser in the 88th minute with a brilliant dive to her left as she was awarded with the player of the match award for many more brilliant saves alongside it. Dunkirk dominated, but Emacuton won. It’s all that matters in the end.

Katham FC completely dominated Conton to move six points clear at the top of the table, but could only put one goal past them in an intense affair. They did all the work in the midfield, but the forwards could not convert the goals. Yet, they still came away comfortably with a 1-0 win, if only by the barest sin of their teeth.

In an Avondale derby, Southern Avondale succeeded in finally getting their season underway with a 2-1 win over their Western Avondale counterparts. The result finally kickstarted their season and was their best victory yet, overcoming the tough challenge presented by the ex-Toilet League side to take all three points.

Freeman Province continued their good form from the past couple of games, fighting out a stunning 3-2 win against Western FC. The turnout to the match was low, considering the two sides are two of the worst in the Poo League, but it was far and away one of the best games of the season. Both sides could have won the game at various stages, but in the end, a late goal for Freeman sealed the victory as they moved up to… oh wait. They’re still in last place.

Finally, Whitepool got the victory they deserved. It took them a fair few games, but up against an in-form Marbury FC, they were able to deposit a single goal past Darcy Fegan in goals to take three points out of the match. It pushed them into fifth place, as Marbury dropped to sixth.

Matchday Fifteen

Marbury FC 0–0 Freeman City
Freeman Province 0–1 Whitepool AFC
Western Avondale 3–0 Western FC
Katham FC 4–0 Southern Avondale FC
Emacuton United 2–0 FC Conton
AFC Droves 1–0 Dunkirk FC
FC Freeport 1–1 Kirkham Suburbs
Southern Beaches 1–1 Emacuton FC

Marbury FC, fresh off a 1-0 loss to Whitepool AFC, were able to claw their way back into it with a fighting 0-0 draw against the third-placed Freeman City. It was a thrilling match and had the deserved result, with some brilliant defending keeping the opposition strikers at bay for the entire match.

Whitepool broke Freeman Province’s three-game undefeated streak with a 1-0 away win against the sudden upstarts. It pushed them up into fourth place and on the tails of Freeman City and a possible IFCF spot.

Western Avondale’s season finally kickstarted nigh on the halfway point with a 3-0 drumming of Western FC. While it wasn’t as massive as their 5-0 thumping of Kirkham, it was still a milestone and showed that, on their day, they were the side to beat. Still, they would have to pull off a miracle if they were to even scrape into the top few, currently placed in ninth.

Katham’s dominance of the Poo League continued with their 4-0 trouncing of a weak Southern Avondale side, flung back to Earth after their 2-1 win over Western Avondale. It was a purely dominant display as they moved up to 38 points with a whopping 12 wins. Talk about getting good.

Conton’s run went from bad to worse following a sullen 2-0 defeat to Emacuton United, suddenly rising into fifth and asserting their position as serious contenders. It signalled a strong run of form from the side, as if luck went their way, a berth inside the top three was not out of contention over the next few rounds.

AFC Droves successfully bounced back from their 3-1 loss to Kirkham Suburbs with a tough 1-0 win over Dunkirk FC. The underdogs fought until the very last second of play but could not take points away from the game, although if it was against almost anyone else, they certainly would have. It does, however, bode good signs for the weaker of the two Dunkirk sides as they seek to redeem their poor first half of the season.

Just as the Suburbs were starting to meld together following the loss of the Fridge and Washing Machine to national team duties, they had to disband for the matchday fifteen game against FC Freeport. So despite having a much stronger side, the home side kept the side deemed to be the best in the league to a 1-1 draw.

In the final match of the first half of the season, Southern Beaches racked up a whopping fifth draw in a row against a determined Emacuton FC. The away side was by far the stronger side as the Beaches solid run of form came to a close. For now.

Table After Matchday Fifteen:

Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Katham FC                 15   12   2   1    27   10  +17    38
 2 AFC Droves                15   10   2   3    31   12  +19    32
 3 Freeman City              15    7   4   4    22   24   −2    25
 4 Whitepool AFC             15    7   2   6    19   17   +2    23
 5 Emacuton United           15    6   4   5    11   11    0    22
 6 Kirkham Suburbs           15    5   6   4    24   19   +5    21
 7 Marbury FC                15    5   5   5    14    7   +7    20
 8 Southern Beaches          15    5   5   5    14   18   −4    20
 9 Western Avondale          15    5   4   6    23   18   +5    19
10 FC Conton                 15    5   4   6    16   20   −4    19
11 Southern Avondale FC      15    4   6   5    15   25  −10    18
12 Emacuton FC               15    5   3   7    14   17   −3    18
13 FC Freeport               15    3   6   6    12   18   −6    15
14 Western FC                15    3   5   7    20   27   −7    14
15 Dunkirk FC                15    3   5   7    18   18    0    14
16 Freeman Province          15    2   3  10     9   28  −19     9

[Sylestone]

SFA Cup

QUARTER FINALS

Results:

Emacuton FC 2-2 Kirkham Appliances (2-2 agg)
Kirkham Appliances 3-0 Emacuton FC (5-2 agg)
Kirkham Appliances win 5-2

Kirkham Suburbs 2-2 Kirkham Sentients (2-2 agg)
Kirkham Sentients 1-1 Kirkham Suburbs (1-2 AET, 3-4 agg)
Kirkham Suburbs win 4-3

Cleorough FC 1-0 FC Conton (1-0 agg)
FC Conton 2-8 Cleorough FC (2-9 agg)
Cleorough FC win 9-2

Chamberley City 4-2 Kirkham City (4-2 agg)
Kirkham City 5-2 Chamberley City (7-6 agg)
Kirkham City win 7-6

To begin what was to be a thrilling set of quarterfinals, Emacuton FC and Kirkham Appliances clashed head on in a brilliant display in the inland city. Somehow, Emacuton were able to overcome a 2-0 deficit in the first half to take a shock 2-2 draw heading into their away leg with spirits high.
But their form deserted them. The Appliances took the time to consider what they had done wrong, countering Emacuton’s runs at all costs. After half time with the score still 0-0, the away side simply gave up; they could not take the pressure anymore. In the final half hour, Kirkham slotted three shots into the back of the Emacuton net to ensure their progression to the semifinals of the SFA Cup.

The following match to this was the Kirkham derby; Kirkham Suburbs vs Kirkham Sentients. It followed the typical structure of one, with both sides fighting until the very end but with one side just better at the end of the day. Following a late goal from the Bar Stool to equalise a 2-1 deficit originating in the first half, the Suburbs home leg was drawn 2-2, making way for a mouthwatering clash five minutes away from the Suburbs home stadia.
Following ninety minutes of play, the score was drawn 1-1. If this was any other season of the Cup, the Sentients would have qualified for the semifinals on the away goals rule. But for whatever reason, this was not the case this season. So the game went to extra time, where a goal from the Fridge sealed the Sentients’ fate. The removal of the away goal rule was surely not going to last.

Well well well. Cleorough FC. They might not be in the absolute greatest of form at the moment, but that certainly does not take away from what was an absolutely brilliant set of matches against a weakened FC Conton. In the home leg, they played out a defensive masterclass - the only goal came from a beautiful, curling shot from Hannah Currie-Masson in the 73rd minute to seal the victory. But that isn’t the talking point.
The talking point is the second leg.
It was an absolute slaughter. Conton really missed the determination and consistency of South Newlandian Hunter Burnser. In the 60th minute, Cleorough, the away side, were 5-0 up and on the offensive. Conton managed to finally get one back, but in the 77th and 82nd minutes they took it to a 7-1 lead. The home side then succeeded in slotting home a penalty for a second consolation goal, but Cleorough weren’t done just yet. Brenecian Aife Redding secured Cleorough’s eighth goal five minutes into injury time and his own hat-trick as he was swamped by players and fans alike. What a game. What a moment. What a victory. And Conton could do absolutely nothing about it.

It would take something pretty special to beat that sort of game. But when your two franchises are Chamberley City and Kirkham City, anything can happen. In the first leg, two goals each to the Great White Shark and Joel Clemons ensured that Chamberley took a 4-2 lead over the reigning Toilet League champions.
But things were different in the second leg. Kirkham played like a team and with five minutes and stoppage time to go, had equalised - a Milk Carton hat-trick put City 4-2 up. In the 88th minute, a cross into the box was deflected by the Picture into the corner of the goal. Or was it? Brigham Love, the Chamberley goalkeeper, made what was probably the save of the season, somehow keeping the ball out of the goal with a spectacular dive from the other post.
But it was futile. The Picture took the rebound and slotted the shot into the back of the net.
City were through, and only Cleorough FC stood in their way from an SFA Cup final.

[Sylestone]

MATCHDAYS 16-20

Matchday Sixteen

Cleorough FC 0–4 Capital FC
Chamberley City 2–4 Betham FC
Kirkham Furniture 1–0 Avondale City FC
Dodle FC 0–1 Kirkham Sentients
Kirkham Appliances 2–1 Kirkham City
Dunkirk Athletic 2–0 Avondale Beach SC
Halpenley City FC 0–2 Pesfield Trees FC
North Chamberley 1–1 Mid-Capital

To kickstart the second half of the Toilet League, Capital FC remained ever-dominant as they gave Cleorough FC an absolute slaughtering, putting four goals past Mali Jackson as they moved up to 40 points. It was a bad day to rest Abigail Jones, pushing for a selection in the Campianato Esportiva, while Oscar Umbridge continued his brilliant form with two more goals, moving into equal second place on the goalscorers tally.

Betham successfully overcame a tough challenge presented by Chamberley City to remain seven points behind Capital FC, with two goals to Travis Scott and Destiny Arias confirming a 4-2 victory. However, the result didn’t come flawlessly, with an own goal to the ever-reliable Amelia Stanton capping off what was a poor game for the star youngster. She’d be back.

Kirkham Furniture provided the shock of the round, defeating Avondale City in what would be a crunch match for them, levelling the side on points with the Kirkham Sentients and within reach of Pesfield and the Appliances, while Betham’s victory ensured they stayed six points above their nearest contenders for second place. Their hearts just weren’t in the game today, with a lone goal from the Computer sealing Avondale’s fate.

The Sentients then overcame a weak Dodle FC with a 1-0 away victory, with a Bar Stool goal just before half time ensuring they would take three points. The result put Kirkham in fourth and on equal points with Avondale City in third - meaning that a win could well and truly jump the favourites.

Like always, a Kirkham derby is a game to watch. But when it’s between the Appliances and City, it’s something else. Always is. The eventual result was a 2-1 win to the Appliances as they jumped up into sixth, not far off a berth in the IFCF spots. Two early goals meant that they actually had quite a comfortable lead, but a late burst from Kirkham City was not quite enough to seal a draw or a victory.

Dunkirk Athletic’s good form continued in a 2-0 win over Avondale Beach SC, currently in a bad run of form. For the first half of the game, odds were even, but Dunkirk slowly took an advantage as Avondale began to tire. Eventually, a goal apiece to Trinity Colburt-Veil and Jamieson Wilson confirmed a 2-0 win as they pushed further away from the relegation zone.

Pesfield Trees played one of their best games of the season to kickstart the second half, scoring two goals against Halpenley’s admirable defensive line, two of only 10 that Charlie Barrett has conceded in sixteen games. Kadek Ahlberg, the Poafmersian centre-back, was an absolute weapon in the defensive line, with neither Janet Light nor Jowana Jewowić able to break through. He had sort of gone under the radar throughout the season, but today, he was certainly a shining star.

To wrap up the round, North Chamberley were able to overcome an intense challenge from Mid-Capital to hold them to a 1-1 draw. Ambroas de Montgomery from Gouvanarch was able to finally find a touch of form, scoring Chamberley’s only goal and assisting in a few more close calls. For Mid-Capital, Lucas Baker being rested paved the way for Riley Parry to score a goal in the first half, his first of the season.

Matchday Seventeen

North Chamberley 3–2 Cleorough FC
Mid-Capital 0–1 Halpenley City FC
Pesfield Trees FC 0–2 Dunkirk Athletic
Avondale Beach SC 1–2 Kirkham Appliances
Kirkham City 4–2 Dodle FC
Kirkham Sentients 0–0 Kirkham Furniture
Avondale City FC 3–1 Chamberley City
Betham FC 1–1 Capital FC

Cleorough were clearly still recovering from the 4-0 thumping at the hands of Capital FC, considering they then followed that up with another loss - this time to the 15th-placed North Chamberley. Cleorough were by the better side, but in the end, North Chamberley were able to put more goals into the back of the Cleorough net.

Halpenley City put their 2-0 loss to the Trees behind them to score a single goal in a 1-0 win over Mid-Capital. It was a tough game, with both sides having multiple opportunities to score, but a Marcus Brongue goal put Halpenley 1-0 up early in the second half. Mid-Capital would not be able to come back, despite dominating for the majority of the game following that point.

Dunkirk Athletic secured yet another victory, this time over the powerful Pesfield Trees as they moved up into tenth. Pesfield were simply not at their best, letting Malcolm Bilby and Tristan Fullers run all over their defensive line as they notched up a 2-0 win, with a goal apiece to each forward.

Avondale Beach, fresh off a 2-0 loss to Dunkirk Athletic, bounced back against Kirkham Appliances, fighting until their very last breath. Unfortunately, they could not force a result, but when you lose 2-1 to one of the Toilet League’s best sides, you can’t complain too much. Blake Sanchez scored the Beach’s only goal, his first of the season, with a brutal strike from the corner of the box that the Oven had no chance of getting to. What a brilliant way to score your first Toilet League goal.

Kirkham City were successful in warding off a troubled Dodle FC, winning 4-2 despite being a goal down at half time. Even the possibility of the reigning champions losing to the side that was by far the worst in the league was a complete shock, but City’s ruthlessness was, in the end, too much for Dodle as the entire city of Kirkham breathed a sigh of relief when the Spork scored two goals in quick succession to take the score from an even 2-2 to 4-2.

Another Kirkham derby, another thrilling encounter. However, this one, between the Sentients and the Furniture, was a thrilling, yet goalless, draw. Both sides had multiple opportunities to take the lead, but in the end, the goalkeepers held tight to secure a point apiece for each side.

Avondale City bounced back from their loss to Kirkham Furniture with a 3-1 win over Chamberley City, a much better side than the side they had previously played against. Tillie Ex, who hadn’t been having the greatest of seasons so far, finally found her feet, scoring two goals in two games as she began to adapt to the harsh Sylestonean climate. But it would not be enough, with Sloane Walsh, Andrew Dalton and Hallar Tatyova all scoring for Avondale, ensuring they would remain in third.

There’s no more fitting way to wrap up a round with a battle between the two ladder leaders - Capital FC and Betham FC. The game was at the Bay Reserve and after 90 minutes, the two sides could not be separated. Keith Fletcher scored Betham’s goal following a brilliant attack from Destiny Arias, Lucas Drover and Travis Scott while Capital’s came off the boot of Max Paterson following a cross into the box from Callum Alexander. It was a brilliant game and could be one of the best of the tournament.

Matchday Eighteen

Cleorough FC 0–2 Betham FC
Capital FC 1–3 Avondale City FC
Chamberley City 0–3 Kirkham Sentients
Kirkham Furniture 1–0 Kirkham City
Dodle FC 1–1 Avondale Beach SC
Kirkham Appliances 2–2 Pesfield Trees FC
Dunkirk Athletic 1–5 Mid-Capital
Halpenley City FC 0–1 North Chamberley

Betham FC, fully aware that they were in with a chance at catching up a bit to Capital FC following their draw and the ladder-toppers’ derby with Avondale City, came into their game against Cleorough all guns blazing. The underdogs held them off for most of the game, but in the end, Betham were two goals too good for Cleorough as they gave themselves a chance of honing in on Capital.

Then came the crunch match. One of the biggest of the season. Capital FC vs Avondale City FC. And what a game it was. The two sides battled it out as fiercely as you can imagine a football team playing, but in the end, Avondale City, the away team, were simply too good. A lone goal from Matt Roberts could not withstand the might of Avondale, where two goals to Annabelle Larkins and a further one to 18-year-old Zara Wheals gave them a 3-1 victory. Maybe Capital FC weren’t unbeatable, after all.

Chamberley City, fresh off a loss to Avondale City, were thumped 3-0 at home by the Kirkham Sentients, ready to defend their spot in fourth with every inch of their body. The Scissors, Speakers and Kettle scored the goal, making up for a poor game from the Bar Stool and Tumble Dryer.

Kirkham Furniture provided what must have been the shock of the round, defeating reigning champions Kirkham City 1-0 after being in the Poo League in the previous season. The Wristwatch, the Furniture’s main striker, scored the only goal after being delivered a ball from Spiderwebs that it was able to net past the Aluminium Foil in goals for its third goal of the season.

Dodle’s points have been few and far between, but the one day they finally dominate, Avondale Beach were able to hold them out for a 1-1 draw. The only real chance Avondale had was netted by Jovannic midfielder Twater Harring, while Daniel Foreman was the sole scorer for Dodle, taking his season tally to four. But when you have a total of 68% possession like Dodle did, you deserve a bit better than that.

Kirkham Appliances and Pesfield Trees, two top sides who were not quite in the top four, played out an intense 2-2 draw in an incredibly even match. They both had chances to win it, but in the end, a draw was certainly an acceptable result considering how well they each played. Ha’nei Ighv scored her first goal of the season, pushing up from the back line for a corner and managing to deflect the header in. The other Pesfield goal was, typically, scored by Valentine Cocher. He’s just too good.

Mid-Capital, finally, began to find their feet again. It came at the expense of an in-form Dunkirk Athletic, who could not stand up to the might of the Trains, scoring five goals and only conceding one. Mukkhali Ratnasingham scored two, while Poppy Piers, Rose Evans and young Josh Wallace all chipped in with one. They’d been promising it all season, but finally, they had trampled all over a team.

North Chamberley made it two from two with an impressive 1-0 victory over Halpenley City FC, now only two points behind Avondale Beach SC, who had started the season off on such a strong note. It was an unfortunate demise for them, but the season was still only in its middle stages. They could come back from it.

Matchday Nineteen

Halpenley City FC 1–0 Cleorough FC
North Chamberley 1–1 Dunkirk Athletic
Mid-Capital 2–3 Kirkham Appliances
Pesfield Trees FC 1–0 Dodle FC
Avondale Beach SC 1–1 Kirkham Furniture
Kirkham City 3–0 Chamberley City
Kirkham Sentients 0–1 Capital FC
Avondale City FC 2–4 Betham FC

Halpenley may have lost to North Chamberley, but they took advantage of a struggling Cleorough FC, netting a single goal into the back of their net to finally, finally push themselves up into the top ten. It was an excruciating match to watch, with neither side at their best, but in the end Janet Light’s cool and collected head set up a shot at goal for Kate Fullers. She did not miss.

North Chamberley and Dunkirk Athletic played out the round’s second disinteresting match in two games, preferring to simply get their passing stats up in a boring 1-1 draw. Let’s hope the matchday has more to offer as it goes on.

Mid-Capital and Kirkham Appliances ensured that it did. In the end, the Appliances were able to pip the Kirkham Sentients for fourth place, finally reaching a position on the table that they fully and thoroughly deserved. It was a spectacular game, but the result was a deserved one. Let us hope for many more this round.

Dodle’s newfound form continued into this round, but Pesfield were simply too good for them, not conceding a goal while scoring a single one as they remained on the tails of the likes of Avondale City, Kirkham Appliances and the Kirkham Sentients. Daniel du Plessis, five minutes after being substituted on for Haline Knezevic in the 73rd minute, scored his first goal of the season to ensure victory for the home team.

Avondale recorded another draw to remain a hair’s breadth away from the relegation spots. This time, the final result was also 1-1, but it was against fellow lower-table side Kirkham Furniture, so the result wasn’t entirely unexpected. Yet, they probably felt as though they could have won it, but sometimes, that’s just the way it’s meant to be.

Poor Chamberley City. They’ve been playing so well this season… but their opponents just seem to always be able to hit their straps whenever they play against them. It’s something to do with the Great White Shark, I swear. Kirkham City was no different. The reigning champions were in ninth place and had a fair few teams on their heels, but following a 3-0 win, this was not the case anymore. When will their luck turn?

Kirkham Sentients lost their hold on fourth place to Kirkham Appliances following an inevitable loss to Capital FC. The game was a close one, don’t get me wrong, but Capital FC in their current form are just unbeatable. Don’t even try. Josie Inibus, the reserve right-midfielder, scored her first goal of the season with a lovely kick between two defenders blocking the view of the goalkeeper. It was a bit of a surprise, as she had been nowhere near her best all season, but this moment of glory could certainly be a turning point.

Betham FC versus Avondale City FC is always a game to watch, and today was no different. But Betham were just too good, consolidating second place with a 4-2 away victory, including a Destiny Arias hat-trick as she moved seven goals clear of her nearest contenders for the golden boot, the Great White Shark and Oscar Umbridge. Someone get her out of the league.

Matchday Twenty

Cleorough FC 0–1 Avondale City FC
Betham FC 3–1 Kirkham Sentients
Capital FC 2–2 Kirkham City
Chamberley City 3–0 Avondale Beach SC
Kirkham Furniture 0–1 Pesfield Trees FC
Dodle FC 0–1 Mid-Capital
Kirkham Appliances 2–1 North Chamberley
Dunkirk Athletic 0–0 Halpenley City FC

Avondale City, though, were never going to be down for long. Poor Cleorough FC had to put up with them as they continued to drop, despite having quite a promising lineup for the game. Hallar Tatyova scored the game’s only goal, and it was he who deserved it too, being an integral assistant throughout the season. Everyone deserves their moment of glory, and he certainly got his.

Betham FC’s good form continued as they moved within two points of Capital FC in first place following a 3-1 drumming of Kirkham Sentients, previously fourth but now sixth. Destiny Arias scored yet another goal, while Emmanuel Butler and Torsten Eikholm scored the first goals of the season, with the latter being assisted by a brilliant through ball from Zwangzugian Anita Rao-Chavan. They were catching up. Could they take the title?

Capital FC’s draw with Kirkham City certainly helped get hopes up, though. Two goals to Max Paterson continued his breakout season, while the Spork scored two for Kirkham, including a late one, to seal a point apiece for both sides. It pushed City up into the top half of the ladder, while.

Finally, Chamberley City got some luck. Avondale Beach, struggling to even get a point at the moment, were on the wrong side of a 3-0 thumping, with a goal apiece to the Great White Shark, Phille Mith and Stephanie Georges finally giving Chamberley City some good luck, as they moved up to tenth, despite being in IFCF contention earlier in the season.

Pesfield then notched up their second 1-0 victory in two games, jumping the Kirkham Sentients for fifth place on the table. The result came against a relatively weak Kirkham Furniture, but still, a win’s a win, and you take them when you get them, right? The only goal came off the head of Pesfield centre-forward Verity Meadows after Luke Oniarise chipped a cross to her, too accurate for the Cabinet to even have a chance at stopping.

Mid-Capital, beginning to find form, were able to continue it away from home against wooden-spoons Dodle FC in a 1-0 victory. It wasn’t the most intriguing match of football, but it got the job done with Brenecian winger Rose Evans scoring the only goal of the match with a brutal volley from the corner of the box.

Kirkham Appliances, well aware of a fair few sides hanging on their tail waiting for a fuck-up, were successful in taking three points away from a home match against a determined North Chamberley. After Joe Hughes opened the scoring, two goals to the Alarm Clock sealed a victory, retaining fourth place on the Toilet League table.

To round out matchday 20, Halpenley City got back to their typical Halpenley ways, drawing Dunkirk Athletic away from home, their seventh such result all season. Typically, it was a 0-0 draw, but it paid off as they were able to climb up into ninth place, above the likes of Chamberley City and Kirkham Furniture. It paved the way for an intriguing final ten rounds.

Table After Matchday Twenty:

*                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Capital FC              20   14   3   3    42   17  +25    45
 2 Betham FC               20   13   4   3    41   15  +26    43
 3 Avondale City FC        20   11   3   6    49   29  +20    36
 4 Kirkham Appliances      20   11   2   7    23   16   +7    35
 5 Pesfield Trees FC       20   10   3   7    26   22   +4    33
 6 Kirkham Sentients       20   10   1   9    24   25   −1    31
 7 Mid-Capital             20    8   5   7    25   21   +4    29
 8 Kirkham City            20    7   5   8    29   35   −6    26
 9 Halpenley City FC       20    6   7   7     6   11   −5    25
10 Chamberley City         20    6   6   8    34   35   −1    24
11 Kirkham Furniture       20    6   6   8     9   14   −5    24
12 Dunkirk Athletic        20    6   5   9    30   36   −6    23
13 Cleorough FC            20    5   6   9    23   30   −7    21
14 Avondale Beach SC       20    5   6   9    23   33  −10    21
15 North Chamberley        20    4   7   9    20   44  −24    19
16 Dodle FC                20    1   5  14    10   31  −21     8

[Sylestone]

Matchdays 16-20

Matchday Sixteen

Freeman City 0–0 Emacuton FC
Southern Beaches 3–0 Kirkham Suburbs
FC Freeport 0–1 Dunkirk FC
AFC Droves 5–1 FC Conton
Emacuton United 0–2 Southern Avondale FC
Katham FC 1–0 Western FC
Western Avondale 4–2 Whitepool AFC
Freeman Province 0–1 Marbury FC

To kick off the second half of the season, Freeman City were held to a 0-0 draw by Emacuton FC - the worst possible start in terms of entertainment value. But still, these results happen sometimes and this was just one of them.

Southern Beaches, my gosh. Widely renowned as one of the weakest teams in the Poo League alongside Freeman Province and up against Kirkham Suburbs, with two Sylestonean national team starters, they put on an absolute show. They had been doing so all season, but this was just… fuck. 3-0. 3 fucking nil. A streak of five draws in a row and then… this. Holy fuck.

Dunkirk FC followed that match up with a solid 1-0 away win against Freeport, fighting until the very last minute. The result could have gone either way, but Dunkirk deserved the win as they jumped their opponents for 13th place.

What on earth is going on with FC Conton. Hunter Burnser gets injured and boom, their form flies out of an open window. AFC Droves might be good, but that’s no excuse for a 5-1 loss when you only just came down from the Toilet League. Come on people, you’re still a strong side. Where’s your fight?

Emacuton United, in fifth place and advancing quickly, were dealt a frustrating blow by Southern Avondale, winning 2-0 away from home. It was a shock result given United’s recent run of form, jumping from the lower half of the table up to fifth in just a few matchdays. However, Southern Avondale can be mercurial at times and today, they thoroughly deserved the win.

Katham just cannot stop winning, can’t they? Western FC certainly gave them a run for their money, but in the end, they still were not good enough to take points away from the side running away in first place. On 41 points now and still with 14 rounds to play, promotion seemed to be the only way forward.

Western Avondale, fresh off a 3-0 win over Western FC, continued their run of form against Whitepool in a tense match. Both sides played well and could have won, but Western Avondale were better, if only just. The final result was a 4-2 victory for the home team as they jumped a few spots to eighth, only four points off Freeman City in third.

Marbury continued their strong season with a 1-0 away win against Freeman Province, looking to capitalise on some newfound form. But with Marbury’s defence holding strong, they could not break through to score, even when a few free kicks came their way from just outside the box. It was a strong display from the eastern Sylestone side as they clinched back fourth spot.

Matchday Seventeen

Freeman Province 0–2 Freeman City
Marbury FC 0–0 Western Avondale
Whitepool AFC 0–1 Katham FC
Western FC 0–3 Emacuton United
Southern Avondale FC 4–4 AFC Droves
FC Conton 0–3 FC Freeport
Dunkirk FC 2–1 Southern Beaches
Kirkham Suburbs 4–3 Emacuton FC

In the Freeman derby, Freeman City yet again came out as victors in a 2-0 drumming. Like they are prone to do, once they had got the two-goal lead, they shored up their defences and effectively shut the game down. A boring but effective tactic.

Going into their match against Western Avondale, Marbury were well aware that it could be a crunch one for them. With both sides finding their straps, tickets were highly sought after in the small coastal city. They were not disappointed, with both sides exactly even throughout the entirety of the match. The final score may have been a 0-0 draw, but that doesn’t take away from the pure intensity of the match, from the first second to the last.

Whitepool’s frustration continued when faced with Katham FC, fighting until their very last breath in an intense 1-0 defeat to the table-toppers. It was incredibly disappointing for the Betham side, but sometimes results just don’t go your way. That’s just the way it is.

Emacuton United bounced back from their 2-0 loss to Southern Avondale FC with a 3-0 rout of Western FC away from home. They deserved it every bit of the way, with Western having no chance throughout the entire game to even go one back. It pushed United up to fourth and only four points off Freeman City in the third IFCF spot. Could they get there?

Southern Avondale continued their good form from their 2-0 victory over Emacuton United with a thrilling 4-4 draw with AFC Droves, second place on the ladder. The Droves certainly should have won it, but Avondale secured a deserved draw as they climbed up the ladder to tenth position.

What is going on with FC Conton. Even Freeport can whip their arses, with a 3-0 slaughter away from home. With no points for rounds on end now, they have dropped from third all the way to thirteenth, and with Freeport only one point behind them, they could drop even further.

Dunkirk made it two wins from two with a difficult 2-1 victory over Southern Beaches, with the Tuthambedon side fighting until the end against a side that played better than them on the day. It was a deserved win for Dunkirk, but they would need to up their game if they wanted to challenge the giants of the Poo League.

Kirkham Suburbs’s mercurial season continued with yet another poor performance, but fortunately for them, Emacuton FC weren’t quite good enough to exploit it. The final result was a 4-3 win to the Suburbs as they pushed back up into fifth, an envied position by the majority of other sides. Yet, for them, it was absolute shite.

Matchday Eighteen

Freeman City 1–1 Kirkham Suburbs
Emacuton FC 1–2 Dunkirk FC
Southern Beaches 0–1 FC Conton
FC Freeport 1–1 Southern Avondale FC
AFC Droves 1–3 Western FC
Emacuton United 1–0 Whitepool AFC
Katham FC 1–0 Marbury FC
Western Avondale 2–1 Freeman Province

They still weren’t at their best when they came into the match against Freeman City. Yes, they didn’t play too badly, but still, they should have been able to take away two more points than they did if they were at the level of form they were playing in the Cup with. But sometimes you don’t get it, and that’s just the way it is.

Dunkirk racked up their third win in a row, this time in an away game against Emacuton FC. With the mid-table clusterfuck as it is, it pushed Dunkirk up to eighth and into the top half of the table, for pretty much the first time all season. If they could continue it, they could make it right up to the top four or five.

Finally, FC Conton have managed to win another game. Southern Beaches, slowly beginning to lose their form, were at the expense of a huge celebration following a goal from Harold Laxton in the 56th minute to put Conton 1-0 up. And when three points were secured, the roar from the team bench was deafening. Finally, Conton were back on track.

Southern Avondale FC managed to rack up another determined draw, although they weren’t quite at the strength they were when they put four goals past AFC Droves. Yet, it was good enough to take points off Freeport in a closely-fought draw.

After letting four goals through against Southern Avondale FC, Droves’ Zeta Rekan goalkeeper Marko Kriz was rested for the home game against Western FC in 15th place as Timothy Jameson, the Sylestone U21 goalkeeper, took his place. But his lack of games really showed, letting three shots into the back of the net as Western took a shock 3-1 over the second-placed side. Perhaps, just perhaps, they were experiencing a drought in form and teamwork.

Emacuton United increased the gap between themselves and their competition for fourth place with a 1-0 win over Whitepool AFC. Whitepool weren’t at their best today and United thoroughly dominated, but were only able to score a single goal due to some determined defending and goalkeeping from Heidi Madden. A good result, though, and one that pushed Emacuton within two points of third place.

Katham notched up yet another 1-0 win, this time in a boring affair over Marbury FC. But it’s Katham. They’re always going to win. And Marbury won’t.

To wrap up the round, Western Avondale jumped all the way up to fifth with a 2-1 win over Freeman Province. While they didn’t dominate like they had in previous rounds, they were still certainly the better team of the two, leaving Province in single-digit points, with 15th having nearly twice as many as them. Rip.

Matchday Nineteen

Western Avondale 5–0 Freeman City
Freeman Province 0–3 Katham FC
Marbury FC 0–0 Emacuton United
Whitepool AFC 1–2 AFC Droves
Western FC 2–2 FC Freeport
Southern Avondale FC 1–2 Southern Beaches
FC Conton 0–1 Emacuton FC
Dunkirk FC 0–5 Kirkham Suburbs

Western Avondale may not have been at their best against Freeman Province, but you can be assured otherwise in their match against Freeman City. At home, they handed out a chaotic 5-0 drumming, equal to their thumping of Kirkham Suburbs on matchday eleven as they moved equal on points with Emacuton United and remained only a single one behind Freeman City in third place.

Katham FC finally broke their streak of 1-0 wins, instead turning it into a 3-0 victory when playing against Freeman Province. It was a huge win, and a deserved one, too, as they hit 50 points with a 16-2-1 record, the first team to ever do so so early in the competition. It also lengthened their gap from second place to a whopping 11 points, and their gap from Freeman City in third to 20 points. Promotion was all but secured.

Emacuton United moved a point closer to Freeman City in third place with Marbury’s typical, boring 0-0 draw giving them an extra point. The result was Marbury’s seventh draw of the season, a statistic only beaten by Freeport and Southern Avondale, with eight. In nineteen matchdays.

AFC Droves got back to their winning ways with a hard-fought 2-1 win over Whitepool AFC. It wasn't the most convincing of victories, but it was more than sufficient as they increased their gap for second place to nine points, or three wins.

Western FC and FC Freeport may not be exactly the best teams in the Poo League, but they were still able to successfully fight out an intriguing match while the big guns fought it out. The end result was a 2-2 draw, with both sides having to play at their very best to come out of the game with points, but when you’re in 14th and 15th place, that’s kind of what you have to do.

Southern Beaches returned to their winning ways with a contentious 2-1 win over Southern Avondale FC, but to the disgust of the home fans. The Beaches’ second goal was probably offside, but the referee nor VAR saw it, so instead of only coming out of the match with one point, they took all three. Lucky fuckers.

FC Conton’s win last round appeared to be just a pure coincidence as they lost their next match to Emacuton FC, jumping their opponents for twelfth place on the Poo League table. It was a nice feeling for them, as they hadn’t quite hit the ground running at all this season. But it was a start.

Kirkham Suburbs’ odd season continued when they thumped Dunkirk FC, a side with a 3-0-0 record over the past few games, 5-0 at their home ground. It was one of the first times all season that they’d actually shown signs of their true class, which had only been present in the Cup thus far.

Matchday Twenty

Freeman City 1–3 Dunkirk FC
Kirkham Suburbs 3–0 FC Conton
Emacuton FC 1–0 Southern Avondale FC
Southern Beaches 5–0 Western FC
FC Freeport 2–0 Whitepool AFC
AFC Droves 0–1 Marbury FC
Emacuton United 0–1 Freeman Province
Katham FC 0–2 Western Avondale

Following a 5-0 loss to Kirkham Suburbs at home, Dunkirk FC bounced back against Freeman City, taking three more points from the match, opening the door for Emacuton United, Western Avondale and Kirkham Suburbs to walk through if they were to win their matches. It was an opportunity of a lifetime; win, and you could get third.

Kirkham Suburbs certainly made the most of it, dispatching a confused FC Conton side 3-0, apparently still recovering from the loss of Hunter Burnser a few months ago. Surely they’re going to get over it sometime, because now, they’re just fucking up their season.

As Emacuton FC successfully defeated Southern Avondale FC, Southern Beaches found their form again with a 5-0 thumping of Western FC. It was absolute chaos, but they could not climb any places due to other results. But it certainly puts them in with a chance of clinching third place if they can keep the momentum flowing.

Freeport provided a minor shock when they beat Whitepool AFC, slowly starting to lose their way after a string of unfortunate performances. It pushed them up to eleventh place, above Southern Avondale, Whitepool and Conton, all in the midst of poor seasons, for a variety of reasons.

Marbury FC managed to defeat a lax AFC Droves side, jerking them back to reality with a 1-0 win to keep Marbury’s slim hopes alive. With ten matchdays to go, anything can happen, but all signs point towards progression from Katham FC and AFC Droves. That much we know.

With Emacuton United in the prime position to take third place from Freeman City following their collapse at the hands of Dunkirk FC, all they had to do was defeat Freeman Province. Pretty easy, right?
Nope.
Freeman got their third win of the season.
1-0.
Don’t ask.

It’s taken thirteen rounds, but finally, Western Avondale have joined Emacuton United in being the only two clubs to defeat Katham FC, stuck on 50 points with ten matchdays to go. What’s more is that Western Avondale were able to jump to 32 points, making the most of Freeman City’s and Emacuton United’s fuck-ups to take third place and a temporary IFCF spot, one of which Freeman City had been holding since very early on in the season. But there are still plenty of games to go. Can they hold it?

Table After Matchday Twenty:

*                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Katham FC                 20   16   2   2    33   12  +21    50
 2 AFC Droves                20   12   3   5    43   22  +21    39
 3 Western Avondale          20    9   5   6    36   21  +15    32
 4 Kirkham Suburbs           20    8   7   5    37   26  +11    31
 5 Freeman City              20    8   6   6    26   33   −7    30
 6 Southern Beaches          20    8   5   7    25   22   +3    29
 7 Emacuton United           20    8   5   7    15   14   +1    29
 8 Marbury FC                20    7   7   6    16    8   +8    28
 9 Dunkirk FC                20    7   5   8    26   26    0    26
10 Emacuton FC               20    7   4   9    20   23   −3    25
11 FC Freeport               20    5   8   7    20   22   −2    23
12 Southern Avondale FC      20    5   8   7    23   33  −10    23
13 Whitepool AFC             20    7   2  11    22   27   −5    23
14 FC Conton                 20    6   4  10    18   32  −14    22
15 Western FC                20    4   6  10    25   39  −14    18
16 Freeman Province          20    3   3  14    11   36  −25    12

[Sylestone]

SFA Cup

SEMI FINALS

Results:

Kirkham Appliances 3-1 Kirkham Suburbs (3-1 agg)
Kirkham Suburbs 1-0 Kirkham Appliances (2-3 agg)
Kirkham Appliances win 3-2

Cleorough FC 0-0 Kirkham City (0-0 agg)
Kirkham City 0-0 Cleorough FC (1-1 AET, 1-1 agg, 2-3 PKs)
Cleorough FC win on penalties

Kirkham Appliances, the reigning SFA Cup champions, knew that the path ahead would be tough if they were to grab back-to-back titles. Kirkham Suburbs, their semi-final opponents, may be struggling to find their feet in the Poo League, but have been tearing up the SFA Cup with utter ferocity since the beginning of the season. But the Kirkham Appliances would be their hardest challenge so far, and the question is: are they really that good in cup games?
After the first 90 minutes, though, it appeared not. Despite the scores being equal at half time, the Appliances had managed to forge their way onwards, ending with a 3-1 victory, much to the delight of home fans. The Suburbs would have an uphill mountain to climb if they were to come back from that sort of deficit.
They did their best. At the end of the first half of the second leg, Kirkham Suburbs had had the majority of possession, although not by much. Yet, neither side had been able to put the ball away. Not yet, at least. As time ticked down, the home sides’ chances grew slimmer and slimmer, but finally, with five minutes to go in regular time, the Knife slotted a shot home to put its side 1-0 up and only one goal down on aggregate. A chaotic final few minutes ensued, but the Appliances’ defence held strong as they progressed to their second final in two years. Could they make it two from two titles?

In the second semifinal, Cleorough FC, having a shocker of a season in the Toilet League, took on the likes of Kirkham City, carving a swathe through each side they had met so far, although Chamberley City had given them a run for their money. In the end, Cleorough FC kept the Sylestonean humans happy with a win on penalties as they progressed to their first-ever Cup final.
The first leg was a boring one. Neither side seemed to really have intent on scoring goals as they prodded each other with a long metal stick from the safety of their respective halves. The final result? You guessed it: a 0-0 draw.
Strangely, the second one was quite the same. Both sides were reluctant to really try and push up the field, perhaps wary of the others’ defence for the most part. It took until extra time for Kirkham City to finally score a goal in the 109th minute, with the Milk Carton converting an assist from the Picture and slotting it home. They celebrated wildly, but the game wasn’t over yet.
In the 117th minute, Hannah Currie-Masson broke through and scored Cleorough’s first goal in 210 minutes of football to equalise the aggregate score once again. It would be going to penalties.
Both sides’ goalkeepers were having an absolute ball, but in the end, Cleorough had one too many strong converters in their team. They took a 3-2 win on penalties and progressed to the final. Against one of the strongest of them all.
Kirkham Appliances.

[Sylestone]

MATCHDAYS 21-25

Matchday Twenty-One

Dunkirk Athletic 1–2 Cleorough FC
Halpenley City FC 1–0 Kirkham Appliances
North Chamberley 3–0 Dodle FC
Mid-Capital 1–0 Kirkham Furniture
Pesfield Trees FC 2–1 Chamberley City
Avondale Beach SC 2–2 Capital FC
Kirkham City 3–1 Betham FC
Kirkham Sentients 1–3 Avondale City FC

To kick off the final third of the season, Cleorough FC were able to jump up a few spots to tenth following a 2-1 win over Dunkirk Athletic. Like they had been for the first two-thirds of the season, they were nowhere near their best, but a goal apiece to Abigail Jones and Ryan Mitchell ensured that they were able to take three points out of the match. And in the end, that’s what really matters, I guess.

Halpenley City then managed to rack up one of their best wins of the season - a 1-0 home victory over Kirkham Appliances. The only goal of the match came quite early on, when Janet Light had the ball in front of the goalkeeper, but knowing that Violet Bolton still hadn’t scored all season and that she was in a prime position to, passed across the face of the goal in the selfless way she does. The Oven was unprepared for this as Halpenley notched up their seventh goal of the season and their seventh win. I’ll leave it to you to figure out any further information.

North Chamberley continued Dodle’s woes as they broke equal on points with Avondale Beach SC in 14th place, although weren’t able to jump them and move out of the relegation zone. Chamberley simply sat back and watched as Gouvanarch midfielder Ambroas de Montgomery ran rings around Tori Allen and Pietro Matos in the Dodle defence, racking up a hat-trick en route to a 3-0 thumping. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

Mid-Capital once again defeated a significantly weaker side despite not really being at their best at all during the game. This time it was a 1-0 victory against the Kirkham Furniture, with reserve forward Elyse Harding scoring the only goal of the match following a brilliant through ball from M’aka Antoine.

Pesfield Trees FC finally managed to grab a spot in the top four of the Toilet League with a 2-1 win over Chamberley City. On the day, the two sides were pretty even, but Chamberley’s lack of midfielders really made it difficult for them to come out on top and despite a late burst, Pesfield managed to take home all three points in a 2-1 victory.

Avondale Beach SC, full well knowing that if they lost to Capital FC they would drop to 15th, pulled out their best performance of the season in an intense 2-2 draw. It’s never easy to do that from 14th place against first, but somehow, they managed to pull it off. Twice they equalised after being one goal in the deficit and although Capital FC had a close call three minutes into stoppage time, they held on for the lone point. Brilliance.

Betham FC failed to take advantage of Capital FC’s draw, losing 3-1 away from home against a hurt Kirkham City, showing that they’re not quite out of contention just yet. The Kirkham defenders kept the star-studded Betham forwards at bay while they pressed at the defence. Torsten Eikholm and Anita Rao-Chavan both held out well, but Frank Butler in the right-back position was the weak link, which Kirkham City were able to exploit. The result takes a little bit of the pressure off, but Halpenley City in ninth are still certainly on their tail while Avondale City close in on Betham.

Up against Kirkham Sentients, Avondale City were successful in pushing closer to Betham FC and second place, moving four points off them with a 3-1 victory. The Tumble Dryer, as it is prone to do, scored early, but Avondale were simply too good. Two goals to Sloane Walsh and a single one to Wanar-Sevet Opu confirmed that they would take three points out of the final match of the round.

Matchday Twenty-Two

Cleorough FC 0–1 Kirkham Sentients
Avondale City FC 1–1 Kirkham City
Betham FC 0–2 Avondale Beach SC
Capital FC 1–1 Pesfield Trees FC
Chamberley City 4–1 Mid-Capital
Kirkham Furniture 0–4 North Chamberley
Dodle FC 0–1 Halpenley City FC
Kirkham Appliances 0–0 Dunkirk Athletic

The Sentients, though, were able to bounce back. Cleorough FC continued their run of bad form, failing to put anything past the Saucepan in goals as the away side clutched a 1-0 win thanks to a goal from the Scissors in the dying second of the first half.

Avondale City FC versus Kirkham City is always a game to watch, and their battle on matchday 22 was no different. Neither side were able to gain a distinct advantage over the other and although Avondale had a lead for most of the game, Kirkham were able to equalise in the 76th minute to take a point away from the match.

Avondale Beach’s burst back to brilliance continued when, following a draw with first-placed Capital FC, they were able to put two shots past Betham’s reserve goalkeeper Madison Mitchell en route to a shock 2-0 win over second place. Savannah Edwards and Charlie May on the wings were far too good for Aidan Poole and Torsten Eikholm, running all over them. In the end, each scored a goal while Eikholm was pulled off with a minor calf strain. He would be out for the next match, back for matchday 24.

Capital FC were dealt their second draw in two matches by Pesfield Trees FC, hanging onto fourth place on a thread. Both sides could have won it, but Pesfield wholeheartedly deserved the draw as they slowly began to play like they did back in previous seasons.

Finally, Chamberley City’s luck returned when up against a Mid-Capital side admittedly not at full strength, with the likes of M’aka Antoine, Poppy Piers and Lucas Baker all being rested. The result was a clinical 4-1 thrashing to the home side, with the Great White Shark quite literally running rampant with two goals, alongside one each from Joel Clemons and the marvellously-named winger Samosa Man. Even if they were at full strength, Chamberley’s dominance was such that they wouldn’t have stood a chance.

After trying and trying, North Chamberley finally managed to climb out of the relegation zone and move into 13th place, with a 4-0 away thrashing of Kirkham Furniture. It was an absolute masterclass, with Quinn Reynolds, the Boston brothers and Leslie Black all scoring goals in the victory as they jumped Cleorough FC, Dunkirk Athletic and their opponents on the ladder, with the latter falling to 15th. But with five teams placed a single point apart from each other and with eight games to go, an intense series of games are to come for those five sides.

Halpenley City FC jumped Kirkham City for eighth place with a solid but expected 1-0 win over Dodle FC. Typically, Halpenley preferred to simply wait it out until the time was ripe to score, where Janet Light did so with alarming efficiency. If only Halpenley could do it more often, they could actually be a force in the Toilet League.

To wrap up the matchday, Kirkham Appliances were held to a 0-0 draw by Dunkirk Athletic. But as no goals were scored, no one really cares. Onto matchday 23, please.

Matchday Twenty-Three

Kirkham Appliances 0–0 Cleorough FC
Dunkirk Athletic 0–0 Dodle FC
Halpenley City FC 0–1 Kirkham Furniture
North Chamberley 1–5 Chamberley City
Mid-Capital 2–0 Capital FC
Pesfield Trees FC 0–2 Betham FC
Avondale Beach SC 1–1 Avondale City FC
Kirkham City 2–1 Kirkham Sentients

Where Kirkham Appliances notched up their second 0-0 draw in a row. I thought they were good, but it appears I was mistaken. Oh well. Maybe Dunkirk Athletic could do better.

Nope. They also made it two 0-0 draws from two with that exact result against Dodle FC, giving them their ninth point of the season and completely failing to try and push out of 14th place against the weakest side in the league. Now, if Kirkham Furniture succeeded in beating Halpenley City FC, they would drop to fifteenth.

Which is exactly what happened. Halpenley City could not score in a game they dominated as Kirkham Furniture realised that it might not be a good idea to stay in 15th place if they didn’t want to be relegated, with a first-half goal from Spiderwebs sealing the three points. Smart Kirkham, stupid Dunkirk.

Chamberley derbies between Chamberley City and North Chamberley are always interesting. This one was no different. Chamberley City, fresh off a 4-1 romping over Mid-Capital, went one better as North Chamberley’s good run thus far came to an abrupt halt. The final result was a 5-1 win to Chamberley City, including goals to Stephanie Georges, Mayson Joyner, Corey Grant, Tillie Ex and Phille Mith. Yes, the Great White Shark had a rare off day and failed to capitalise on a chaotic North Chamberley defence line, but sometimes, that’s just what happens.

Capital FC’s run is quickly coming to an abrupt halt, with Mid-Capital defeating the side at the top of the ladder, two goals to absolute zilch. To make things worse, James Heagney, usually a reliable defender, scored an own goal in the 80th minute to put the game out of reach for his team.

Betham FC moved within a point of Capital FC in first place with a 2-0 away victory against Pesfield Trees, bouncing back from losses to Kirkham City and Avondale Beach SC to once again kickstart their season. Max MacIntosh, just a little bit off this season, scored his first goal in a while early in the second half while Mathias Swift notched up the second only minutes later. For Pesfield, the result means that they will drop out of the top four to fifth, as Kirkham Appliances equalised on points with them and jumped them on tiebreakers.

Another Avondale derby, another draw. This time, it was between Avondale Beach SC and Avondale City, with the former’s good run of form continuing as they began to encounter the best teams in the league. In their past three games against the top three sides in the Toilet League, they had not lost and instead won one and drawn two. All of a sudden, they’ve actually come good again.

Rounding out the matchday was another Kirkham derby - Kirkham City and Kirkham Sentients fighting it out as they try to stay within reach of the IFCF spots. Ninety thrilling minutes later, City’s 2-1 lead ensured that they consolidated eighth spot on the ladder from Halpenley City, while they remained only one point behind their opponents and four behind the Appliances in fourth. Yes, things are really spicing up.

Matchday Twenty-Four

Cleorough FC 1–0 Kirkham City
Kirkham Sentients 1–4 Avondale Beach SC
Avondale City FC 2–1 Pesfield Trees FC
Betham FC 1–4 Mid-Capital
Capital FC 1–0 North Chamberley
Chamberley City 0–1 Halpenley City FC
Kirkham Furniture 1–0 Dunkirk Athletic
Dodle FC 0–2 Kirkham Appliances

It’s taken them a while, but finally, Cleorough have had a game they can be proud of. Up against reigning champions Kirkham City in a battle between two severely underperforming teams, they came out on top, if only by one goal to none. But a win’s a win.

Avondale Beach’s sudden run of brilliance continued with a whopping 4-1 win away from home against a strong Kirkham Sentients side. Two goals each from Cassidy Dwyer and Marvin Harland set up the win and despite a brilliant long shot from the Drawer to give the Sentients a goal when they were 3-0 down, Avondale Beach really nailed the job as they continued to climb away from the bottom of the table.

As they are prone to do, Avondale City and Pesfield Trees fought out an incredibly tough game, showing their class in full. In the end, though, there can only be one winner, and Avondale City succeeded in reaping revenge for their 5-2 aggregate loss in the cup with a home win in front of adoring fans. When Annabelle Larkins fired the second goal in with only minutes to spare, Avondale had finally managed to defeat one of their biggest rivals. At home.

Mid-Capital, fresh off a 2-0 victory over Capital FC, continued to beat top teams with a stunning 4-1 win over a shocked Betham FC. Coming into the game as favourites, they were absolutely thumped as Mid-Capital climbed up to sixth on the ladder and further closing the gap between the top two and the rest of the table. Now Avondale City were only a game behind them, and just at the wrong end of the season, too.

Capital FC took advantage of Betham’s loss to move four points clear of them at the head of the table, defeating North Chamberley 1-0 as they became the first side this Toilet League season to hit 50 points. At the moment, almost nothing appears to be able to stop them from winning the league as a whole, despite a bad run of games over recent weeks. But their contenders had experienced the same thing, really tightening things up across the entire table. But with Callum Alexander’s 65th minute goal to secure the win, odds appear to be heavily weighted in their favour.

Halpenley City’s slim chances remain open following their surprise 1-0 win against Chamberley City, effectively putting them out of contention for an IFCF spot. Following Jowana Jewowić’s 32nd minute goal, they moved up to seventh and six points behind Kirkham Appliances in fourth. Some more goals, and they really could do this.

Kirkham Furniture continued to climb off the bottom of the table, moving up to tenth with a 1-0 win over Dunkirk Athletic, the aforementioned stupid side who failed to beat Dodle FC. Now, the two sides were separated by five points. Equal on 25 points with Dunkirk are North Chamberley and at the rate it’s going, it appears as though one of them will be one of the unlucky ones to undergo relegation.

Kirkham Appliances handed Dodle FC yet another loss, their 17th of the season as they continued to remain in single-digit points. Peter Paulsen, the Tikariotian goalkeeper had yet another shocker of a game as he let in two goals that really should have been saved, and it was those two that gave Kirkham the win as they hung onto fourth spot. For Dodle, they had to hope that they would be able to win every single one of their next six matches, while either North Chamberley or Dunkirk Athletic would not win any, if they were to avoid relegation/

Matchday Twenty-Five

Dodle FC 0–1 Cleorough FC
Kirkham Appliances 1–0 Kirkham Furniture
Dunkirk Athletic 0–3 Chamberley City
Halpenley City FC 0–1 Capital FC
North Chamberley 1–3 Betham FC
Mid-Capital 4–1 Avondale City FC
Pesfield Trees FC 2–0 Kirkham Sentients
Avondale Beach SC 3–6 Kirkham City

Their hopes were dashed immediately. Cleorough FC dealt Dodle a 1-0 loss to officially send them back down to the Poo League, while their opponents took it as an opportunity to move further away from 15th place and possible relegation. It was through a goal from Aife Redding, the Brenecian’s fourth of the season, that they gained all three points from.

Kirkham Appliances continued to ward any opponents off fourth place on the ladder with a desperate 1-0 win over Kirkham Furniture, a match between two very defensive-minded sides. But as it’s defending and that’s boring let’s skip right on.

Dunkirk Athletic went from bad to slightly worse with a 3-0 battering from Chamberley City as they began to close in on eighth and ninth place, on 34 points and only one ahead of them. It was a solid thumping, with each of the forwards scoring a goal en route to the victory. Dunkirk barely got a look in as their hopes began to worsen and worsen.

Up against a Capital FC side that just hadn’t been feeling it over recent weeks, Halpenley City were well aware that this was their chance to really make a statement towards fourth place and a spot in the Challengers’ Cup. But Capital FC, despite not hitting their best, were still too good for the Halpenley defence, with a goal to substitute midfielder Morgan Ferris sealing the victory.

Betham FC kept on Capital’s tail though, with a 3-1 win against North Chamberley as they continued their two-way fight against the looming prospect of relegation. Destiny Arias, Keith Fletcher and Ben Lloyd all scored for Betham and despite a successful shot from Ambroas de Montgomery to bring the scores back one, it was not enough for North Chamberley to take any points out of the match.

Mid-Capital’s hot streak continued with a 4-1 thrashing of Avondale City, further pushing closer and into Challengers’ Cup contention. Two early goals from Lucas Baker helped set up the win while M’aka Antoine and Rose Evans both scored later on as they continued to dominate the game, ending with roughly 70% possession over the third-placed team. An impressive feat.

Pesfield Trees FC remained right on Mid-Capital’s tail, though, with a 2-0 victory over Kirkham Sentients, previously in fourth but now stuck in the mid-table area. Valentine Cocher, of course, scored both goals as he continued to show his prowess, effectively nailing down a spot in the upcoming Campionato Esportiva. It is through him, and him alone, that Pesfield are becoming such a powerhouse.

To wrap up the round, Avondale Beach and Kirkham City participated in an absolute goalfest, with a 3-2 score at halftime to Kirkham City eventually turning into a 6-3 win. The Milk Carton began to ask questions of possible national selection with a hat-trick while the Kitchen Sink chipped in with two goals. For Avondale Beach, goals to Savannah Edwards, Twater Harring and Bethany Cunningham would not be enough to take points out of the game. Not by a long shot.

Table After Matchday Twenty-Five:

*                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Capital FC              25   16   5   4    47   22  +25    53
 2 Betham FC               25   15   4   6    48   25  +23    49
 3 Avondale City FC        25   13   5   7    57   37  +20    44
 4 Kirkham Appliances      25   13   4   8    26   17   +9    43
 5 Mid-Capital             25   12   5   8    37   27  +10    41
 6 Pesfield Trees FC       25   12   4   9    32   28   +4    40
 7 Kirkham City            25   10   6   9    41   42   −1    36
 8 Halpenley City FC       25    9   7   9     9   13   −4    34
 9 Kirkham Sentients       25   11   1  13    28   36   −8    34
10 Chamberley City         25    9   6  10    47   40   +7    33
11 Cleorough FC            25    8   7  10    27   32   −5    31
12 Kirkham Furniture       25    8   6  11    11   20   −9    30
13 Avondale Beach SC       25    7   8  10    35   43   −8    29
14 North Chamberley        25    6   7  12    29   53  −24    25
15 Dunkirk Athletic        25    6   7  12    31   42  −11    25
16 Dodle FC                25    1   6  18    10   38  −28     9

[Sylestone]

Matchdays 21-25

Matchday Twenty-One

Katham FC 3–0 Freeman City
Western Avondale 2–0 Emacuton United
Freeman Province 1–2 AFC Droves
Marbury FC 0–0 FC Freeport
Whitepool AFC 0–4 Southern Beaches
Western FC 4–2 Emacuton FC
Southern Avondale FC 4–1 Kirkham Suburbs
FC Conton 1–3 Dunkirk FC

Katham FC’s miraculous run has not stopped heading into the final third of the season as they walked past Freeman City, previously in third for half the season to move ever-closer to what seems to be certain promotion. The eventual scoreline was a 3-0 thrashing and pretty much summed up the season for Katham. Failed your promotion campaign last year? Not happening again this year.

Western Avondale’s admittedly slim hopes of catching AFC Droves were held intact with a confident 2-0 win over Emacuton United, still clinging to hope despite dropping back from fourth to eighth in a span of a couple of weeks. If they can drop that quickly, who knows how fast they can climb back up again….

But AFC Droves weren’t having any of it. Freeman Province, cruising along in last place as the only team to be officially eliminated from promotion contention after the game, gave them a bit of a scare. The Droves were playing a weaker lineup, there’s no point denying it, but the fact Freeman came so close ought to send some tremors into the AFC Droves’ camp.

With a bit to talk about after the first three games of the round, Marbury went about their business in their typical Marbury way, notching up a scoreless draw as they continued to hang around that mid-table cluster, although generally being one of its leaders. Their defensive-style football has paid off quite well throughout the season, with their 5-5-0 formation only conceding eight, four less than Katham at the top of the table. Good stuff.

Whitepool, out of luck for the entirety of the season, continued that unenviable run with a 4-0 loss to Southern Beaches, widely acknowledged before this season to be one of the weakest, if not the weakest, in the Poo League. The one game when they’re not at their best, they get fucked over. They’ll be back. Hopefully.

Western FC continued to be a little bit good while incredibly shit at the same time, handing Emacuton FC a 4-2 loss as they continued to fuck around at the bottom the table. But if they can beat Emacuton, it’s only a small step forward until you reach the likes of Kirkham Suburbs and Western Avondale.

But for the former of those two, Southern Avondale were able to defeat with utter ferocity. The Suburbs stood no chance as their abrupt run back into actually-giving-a-shit-about-results continued to garner strong results, this one even more so than others as they romped to a clinical 4-1 victory. If they could pull off that sort of result all the time, then they would be a team to beat.

FC Conton continued to be miserable as they let yet another team walk past them, dropping to 14th place and only one point above Western FC in 15th. We all know that they have some serious capability, but it’s like they don’t even want to play football anymore.

Matchday Twenty-Two

Freeman City 1–2 FC Conton
Dunkirk FC 0–1 Southern Avondale FC
Kirkham Suburbs 5–0 Western FC
Emacuton FC 2–3 Whitepool AFC
Southern Beaches 1–0 Marbury FC
FC Freeport 3–1 Freeman Province
AFC Droves 1–6 Western Avondale
Emacuton United 0–1 Katham FC

Yet, they were good enough for Freeman City. Over recent weeks, they had been suffering a bit of a slump and this match really brought it to light. I mean, if you lost to FC Conton when they were playing well, you could just say “hard luck” and move on, but now? I mean, come on.

Southern Avondale continued to warn other teams of their imposing strength with another win, although this time only by one goal to zero over Dunkirk FC, which isn’t really that much of a task to do. Then again, it is still three points and considering recent form, you never know where that’s going to take them.

Kirkham Suburbs’ mercurial season continued, making a comeback from their 4-1 loss to Southern Avondale FC with an imposing statement, defeating a struggling Western FC 5-0. It just goes to show that if you catch them on one of their good days, you’re fucked, but on a bad day, it’s three points in the bag no matter how shit your team is. It’s 50/50, I guess.

Whitepool AFC managed to notch up a rare victory, with their style of play being rewarded for only the fifth or so time this season with a tense 3-2 win over Emacuton FC. Both lower-table sides were at their best on the day, but Whitepool’s never-say-die attitude was eventually the difference as they slid just a little bit further away from the bad end of the table.

Following this, a game involving Marbury FC actually came with a result, although not the way that they would have intended it going into their clash against Southern Beaches. Instead, they suffered a 1-0 loss as the Beaches’ breakout season continued, holding fourth place for the time being and keeping their slight chances of an IFCF Liga B Trophy alive and if they somehow take down the Droves, the possibility of even a top two finish.

FC Freeport may have been having a season that they would not really want to remember in the long run, but they were still able to convincingly beat a hectic Freeman Province side, barely knowing which way to go now. That’s something not every team can say they’ve done.

But Freeport’s small victory was overshadowed by the next game. AFC Droves - Western Avondale, a close game if any. But this one wasn’t. Western Avondale continued to give themselves a faint hope of promotion back to the Toilet League, handing the second-placed side a 6-1 smashing and moving four points behind them in the table. Reportedly, the game had by far the most viewers of any Poo League game that season, which is just a testament to the way Avondale played on the day.

To wrap up the round, Katham continued to win with a 1-0 win over Emacuton United as they continue to fall back down the table to where they belong after a burst just after the midpoint of the season, while Katham continued to carve their inevitable way to the Toilet League.

Matchday Twenty-Three

Emacuton United 0–1 Freeman City
Katham FC 1–1 AFC Droves
Western Avondale 2–0 FC Freeport
Freeman Province 1–3 Southern Beaches
Marbury FC 1–0 Emacuton FC
Whitepool AFC 1–1 Kirkham Suburbs
Western FC 1–0 Dunkirk FC
Southern Avondale FC 2–1 FC Conton

Emacuton United’s loss to Katham FC may have not been that surprising, but when Freeman City beat them there were certainly a few raised eyebrows going around. While, yes, Freeman are probably one of the stronger Poo League teams, their form flunk over the past couple of months has turned them into one of the easier sides to beat. But only for now.

AFC Droves may have been absolutely thumped by Western Avondale on matchday 22, but they did not let that hinder them as they fought out a 1-1 draw with the mighty Katham FC. At one point, Seth Wilson actually put the underdogs ahead, but it would not stay that way as Kerry Bennett equalised with around twenty minutes to go, ensuring both sides would take away a point.

Western Avondale moved within two points of AFC Droves with a 2-0 win over Freeport, further sending a message to the other teams that they were now the ones to beat. After being well and truly lost in the bottom half of the table approaching the halfway mark of the season, they have burst out of it and began to really work well together as a team. Could they break into second place?

Southern Beaches would not jump of Western Avondale’s tail, though, as they secured a 3-1 victory over Freeman Province to move three points behind everyone’s favourite Poo League team. They, too, still stood a chance at nailing down a spot in the Liga B Trophy.

Marbury FC also decided to join the party of keeping slim hopes alive with a 1-0 win over Emacuton FC, although it appears as though they’re pretty much done and dusted. Eleven points behind second place and with only seven matches to go, their chances are incredibly minimal.

Whitepool pulled off another admirable performance against Kirkham Suburbs, although they weren’t at their glorious best on the day. So despite being favourites to finish first this year in the Poo League, even finishing third is beginning to look an unlikely prospect.

Western FC bounced back from their 5-0 loss to Kirkham Suburbs with a 1-0 win over Dunkirk, with neither side really caring much anymore about where they would finish. The season’s over for them; it’s time for them to wind down a bit.

But Southern Avondale FC were not in agreement with that statement. Yes, they might have a few more points than the former two sides, but even they were determined to come out as victors against an FC Conton side in absolute shambles. Although Avondale were given a run for their money, the complete hopelessness that drifted from the Conton side eventually spelled their demise.

Matchday Twenty-Four

Freeman City 0–2 Southern Avondale FC
FC Conton 0–0 Western FC
Dunkirk FC 1–1 Whitepool AFC
Kirkham Suburbs 0–0 Marbury FC
Emacuton FC 1–0 Freeman Province
Southern Beaches 3–2 Western Avondale
FC Freeport 0–1 Katham FC
AFC Droves 2–0 Emacuton United

Following their win over Conton, Southern Avondale backed it up with a far more convincing 2-0 victory against Freeman City, climbing up to sixth place on the table and all of a sudden, sending signals out to other sides telling them that they are in form and they will be hard to beat. And rightfully so, too, as they are really beginning to meld together for the first time in who knows how long.

You know that FC Conton are in utter shambles when a good game for them is a draw with Western FC. Western FC, widely regarded as one of the worst teams in the Poo League. But for now, they just need to get through the remainder of the season and begin fresh next year.

Whitepool AFC once again went unrewarded for a solid display of football, running all over Dunkirk FC in a 1-1 draw, with Dunkirk’s only goal coming against the run of play as Whitepool came out of the game with 73% possession. It’s been an issue they’ve had all season, dominating most games but being unable to put them away.

Marbury FC continued to do Marbury FC things, playing out a frustrating goalless draw with Kirkham Suburbs, a side who really needed the win to keep their slim promotion hopes alive. While they’re not completely done for yet, though, their chances are even more minimal as rounds go by.

Emacuton FC’s messing around at the bottom of the table continued with a 1-0 victory over the 16th placed team - Freeman Province. The result sees them jump to twelfth with 28 points as they seek to finish top ten.

Southern Beaches’ game against Western Avondale was always going to be a crunch match. If they won, they would go equal on points with the third-placed team, but if they lost, Western Avondale would be able to jump AFC Droves for second place, albeit the second-placed side had a game over them. But they didn’t need to worry, with Southern Beaches bringing out their best performance in a season full of great games, clinching all three points in a tight 3-2 win.

With Western Avondale’s loss to Southern Beaches, all Katham FC needed to do was beat FC Freeport to ensure their promotion with still six games to go. Although their opponents put up a strong fight, in the end, it would not be enough as Katham’s lone goal from Mitchell Ortega sealed a 1-0 win in the 55th minute. They had done it.

AFC Droves took the opportunity to jump five points clear of Wesrern Avondale and Southern Beaches with a strong 2-0 win over Emacuton United. Neither side were at their best, but the Droves’ were still too good for United as they fell back to tenth place.

Matchday Twenty-Five

AFC Droves 5–0 Freeman City
Emacuton United 0–1 FC Freeport
Katham FC 4–0 Southern Beaches
Western Avondale 3–4 Emacuton FC
Freeman Province 1–4 Kirkham Suburbs
Marbury FC 0–1 Dunkirk FC
Whitepool AFC 0–2 FC Conton
Western FC 4–0 Southern Avondale FC

AFC Droves may have not been at their best against Emacuton United, but they were certainly on their game against Freeman City. Previously in third place for a vast portion of the season, Freeman’s recent results look as though they have Contonitis, all of a sudden descending into chaos, despite still being top eight.

Emacuton United’s recent form can simply be summed up by their result against FC Freeport. Georgina Fuller, usually such a reliable goalkeeper, let through one simple chance as their opponents romped to a surprising 1-0 win, climbing above United to 11th place.

Southern Beaches, on a high after their 3-2 win over Western Avondale to move equal on points with third place, were thumped back down to earth by Katham FC, demolishing the upstarts 4-0 as they seeked to ensure a first place finish. By the end of the round, they were only a win away from a certain first-place finish.

Western Avondale failed to capitalise on a Southern Beaches loss to wriggle them off their tail for the time being, instead being shocked by Emacuton FC in their second loss in two games. After being effectively invincible for the past few months, they’re just beginning to lose it. Just a little.

Kirkham Suburbs’ incredibly faint hopes remained alive with a 4-1 demolition of Freeman Province, who had basically given up by now. Following this result, they were now confined to 16th place for the season, with Western FC in 15th one too many points ahead to catch.

Going into the season, Marbury FC would have felt as though they had a chance at at least finishing in the top few, but now, with five rounds to go, their promotion hopes have been dashed, while any other hopes they had of finishing third look extremely unlikely following a 1-0 loss to Dunkirk FC, jumping them to seventh place.

FC Conton have finally managed to grab another win as they keep away from 15th place for the time being, this one against Whitepool AFC as they drop to 14th. Maybe they’ll have better luck next year.

To wrap up the round, Western FC managed to nail one of their biggest wins of the season, encountering an in-form Southern Avondale FC and completely thrashing them, sending them spiralling back to earth with four goals. It may have been impressive, but it still was not enough to climb up to 14th place, or higher

Table After Matchday Twenty-Five

*                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Katham FC                 25   20   3   2    43   13  +30    63
 2 AFC Droves                25   15   4   6    54   30  +24    49
 3 Western Avondale          25   12   5   8    51   29  +22    41
 4 Southern Beaches          25   12   5   8    36   29   +7    41
 5 Kirkham Suburbs           25   10   9   6    48   32  +16    39
 6 Southern Avondale FC      25    9   8   8    32   39   −7    35
 7 Dunkirk FC                25    9   6  10    31   30   +1    33
 8 Marbury FC                25    8   9   8    17   10   +7    33
 9 Freeman City              25    9   6  10    28   45  −17    33
10 Emacuton FC               25    9   4  12    29   34   −5    31
11 FC Freeport               25    7   9   9    24   26   −2    30
12 Emacuton United           25    8   5  12    15   21   −6    29
13 FC Conton                 25    8   5  12    24   38  −14    29
14 Whitepool AFC             25    8   4  13    27   37  −10    28
15 Western FC                25    7   7  11    34   46  −12    28
16 Freeman Province          25    3   3  19    15   49  −34    12

[Sylestone]

SFA Cup

FINAL

Result:

Kirkham Appliances 0-0 Cleorough FC (1-0 AET)

Kirkham Appliances have done it. They have overcome a difficult challenge presented by Cleorough FC to win their second SFA Cup in two seasons after a goal from the Heater in extra time sealed the victory.

Both sides had multiple prime chances to open the scoring in the first half, but some good goalkeeping and defending ensured the scoreline remained 0-0 heading into the break. The first of these was in the 21st minute, when Aife Redding crossed the ball into the box, where Tyler Mirth lay in wait to head the ball into the back of the net. But he made a mess of it, instead completely mistiming the header over the crossbar and kicking the turf in disgust.

The Appliances’ best chance of the half came when the Boiler made a long pass up to the Air Conditioner, who knocked it past Cleorough defenders Zenon Tylyr-Pan and Sophia Pearson to where the Heater was, effectively in a one-on-one with goalkeeper Mali Jackson. However, Jackson, despite playing poorly in the Toilet League to date, pulled off a sublime save to keep the scores level.

With only a minute left in stoppage time, Cleorough received their final chance of the half with Hannah Currie-Masson firing a shot at goal from the edge of the box. The Oven had no chance at getting to it, but the ball had a little too much height on it as it deflected onto the crossbar and ricocheted into the air, just in front of the goal. Abigail Jones was the one who caught the ball on her head, letting it drop to her feet before shooting for goal. The ball deflected off the Microwave and into the post, but bounced out of play.

The start of the second half was quite boring, but before long, Cleorough were back in on goal in the 62nd minute, being the slightly dominant side up to this point. Currie-Masson was able to break past the Microwave and Television guarding her and shot for goal from a nearly 90-degree angle. The Oven managed to save it, but the ball deflected back to her and she chipped the ball over it to Redding running towards the goal. But the Air Conditioner was there, too, just managing to force Redding to mistime his kick as the ball spiralled out of play.

After this point, the Appliances began to get their act together again, but didn’t have many good opportunities until the 86th minute of play when the Alarm Clock curved a beautiful corner into the box, directly to the Television running onto the ball. It managed to place the ball perfectly, down towards the bottom-left of the goal, but Jackson was prepared, deflecting the ball back into play, where the Heater was ready to convert. But a brilliant slide tackle from Lucas Jabberee ensured that the ball was deflected off towards the corner post, where Zelda Katharin was able to get to it and break down the attack.

So with the score still 0-0, the game went to extra time. But in the 116th minute, just as it seemed that it was going to penalties, the Alarm Clock crossed a ball into the box where the Air Conditioner deflected it towards goal. Jackson made a good dive, but couldn’t hold onto the ball as the Heater finally slotted it home. With a couple of minutes to spare, they’d scored.

Cleorough, despite a ferocious final couple of minutes, could not equalise as the Kirkham Appliances overcame their tough challenge to take out their second Cup in two years. Could they make it three from three?

[Sylestone]

MATCHDAYS 26-30

Matchday Twenty-Six

Cleorough FC 1–1 Avondale Beach SC
Kirkham City 0–2 Pesfield Trees FC
Kirkham Sentients 2–4 Mid-Capital
Avondale City FC 3–1 North Chamberley
Betham FC 0–1 Halpenley City FC
Capital FC 4–0 Dunkirk Athletic
Chamberley City 2–0 Kirkham Appliances
Kirkham Furniture 0–0 Dodle FC

Following a heartbreaking loss in the Cup final, Cleorough FC could not find the courage to bounce back and defeat Avondale Beach SC, despite being by far the stronger of the two teams on the day. With neither side really showing their true potential at all this season, it was a game between two teams fighting to stay out of the relegation zone. Which both did with relative ease.

Pesfield Trees continued to remain on the tail of Kirkham Appliances and Mid-Capital, determined to try and steal a last-minute spot in the Challengers’ Cup from the Appliances. They did this through a 2-0 win over Kirkham City, with the reigning champions now residing in eighth and just trying to hang in there before coming back next season. Goals to Alexandra Arnold and Luke Oniarise confirmed the victory as they moved equal on points with Kirkham Appliances.

Mid-Capital managed to jump the Appliances for fourth place with an imposing 4-2 away win over Kirkham Sentients, just in a little lapse of form at the moment. Isabel Aberdeen and Vic Richardson, both defenders, scored their first goals of the season while Rose Evans and Poppy Piers continued their fine seasons with a goal apiece. For Kirkham, the Tumble Dryer recorded its tenth goal while the Bar Stool also scored.

Avondale City continued to press closer to Betham FC in second place with a 3-1 victory over North Chamberley, despite not being quite at their best. The 14th-placed side put up a good fight, but in the end, the might of Avondale City was simply too much for them as they collapsed in a bundle towards the end of the match.

Halpenley City continued to be Betham’s bane, defeating them 1-0 away from home to climb up into seventh place, still six points off Pesfield Trees in sixth. The result follows Betham’s elimination at the hands of Halpenley in the first round of the SFA Cup, as well as a 0-0 draw on matchday 11. This time, though, it was due to a Janet Light goal in the 43rd minute that Halpenley were able to take full points off Betham as Avondale moved two points behind the latter on the table.

Capital FC continued to carve their way through their opponents, moving seven points clear of Betham FC at the top of the table following a 4-0 thumping of 15th-placed Dunkirk Athletic, fighting for survival. Jeremy Smith had his first really promising game of the season, coming out of the blocks firing with two goals, while Oscar Umbridge and Chris Kreis backed him up with one apiece as they continued to push towards the IFCF Champions League.

Chamberley City, well out of contention for a top four spot now, still decided to try and make things interesting with a 2-0 victory over Kirkham Appliances, showing a hint of possible class for next year. But for now, Chamberley have made a bit of a mess of it all, but they’ll be back.

Dodle FC finally managed to grab their tenth point of the season, defending their hearts out in a 0-0 draw against Kirkham Furniture. It was a boring game, but Dodle are so desperate just for something that that’s the only way they’re going to be able to get it.

Matchday Twenty-Seven

Kirkham Furniture 0–1 Cleorough FC
Dodle FC 0–3 Chamberley City
Kirkham Appliances 1–2 Capital FC
Dunkirk Athletic 2–0 Betham FC
Halpenley City FC 1–5 Avondale City FC
North Chamberley 0–2 Kirkham Sentients
Mid-Capital 1–2 Kirkham City
Pesfield Trees FC 1–1 Avondale Beach SC

Cleorough FC finally managed to find the form they were in for the SFA Cup, scoring early before falling back into defensive mode against Kirkham Furniture to take all three points on offer. They played well, if a little negatively, but it’s a start heading into next season.

Just as the season dwindles towards its end, Chamberley City are finally beginning to find something. First the 2-0 win over Kirkham Appliances and now a 3-0 one away from home against an admittedly kinda shit Dodle FC. You got the feeling that despite winning 3-0, they still weren’t quite at their best, although they were pretty damn close, with Tillie Ex running rampant on the left wing with two goals, alongside the Great White Shark’s one.

Capital FC have all but secured the Premiership now, haven’t they. Another game, another win for the ladder-leaders, this time over Kirkham Appliances who, following their Cup victory over Cleorough, have lost two games on the trot. Now they’ve dropped behind both Mid-Capital and Pesfield Trees and down into sixth.

Dunkirk Athletic finally moved out of 15th place with a shock 2-0 win over a laxed Betham FC, all of a sudden dropping below Avondale City FC for the first time in ages. Dunkirk were undoubtedly the better team on the day, with goals to Trinity Colburt-Veil and Malcolm Bilby sealing the victory.

After 26 matchdays of trying, Avondale City have been the ones to find out how to break Halpenley City’s defence. It was either them or Betham, but as Betham cannot beat Halpenley, it would fall to Avondale City. And so they did it, with class. At half-time, the score was locked at 1-1, with an early goal from Sloane Walsh being equalised by Kate Fullers just before the break. But when Wanar-Sevt Opu broke through for Avondale’s second goal in the 72nd minute, all hell broke loose, with the final score being a 5-1 demolition.

North Chamberley fell to 15th with a 2-0 defeat to Kirkham Sentients, with a goal apiece to the Colander and Kettle in the first half sealing Chamberley’s fate, falling three points behind Dunkirk Athletic on 28 points. Now, all of a sudden, they had to reignite their form if they wanted to remain in the Toilet League.

Mid-Capital, presented with a sublime opportunity to really seal fourth place from Pesfield Trees and Kirkham Appliances, flunked out against a Kirkham City side that had not hit their best at all during the season. Today was the same, but it was still good enough for Mid-Capital, who could not find the brutality they had been displaying up until this point, as Kirkham City scored two goals to the Trains’ one and therefore taking three points out of the match.

Avondale Beach may have been second-best in a draw with Cleorough FC, but they were still up to the task Pesfield Trees FC conjured up for them. Valentine Cocher put the Trees ahead early on in the game, but just before full-time, Nigel Humphries secured a banger from well outside the box, one which was too good for Kalactinian goalkeeper Jimmy James.

Matchday Twenty-Eight

Cleorough FC 2–1 Pesfield Trees FC
Avondale Beach SC 1–1 Mid-Capital
Kirkham City 2–1 North Chamberley
Kirkham Sentients 2–1 Halpenley City FC
Avondale City FC 1–0 Dunkirk Athletic
Betham FC 0–3 Kirkham Appliances
Capital FC 1–1 Dodle FC
Chamberley City 0–1 Kirkham Furniture

Cleorough pulled off what was arguably their best result of the season, sending waves of desperation through the Pesfield Trees camp and fanbase with a 2-1 win, shocking pretty much everyone. The result sticks them back down in sixth, back below the Kirkham Appliances, while Cleorough jump to tenth.

Mid-Capital gained two points less than they deserved against Avondale Beach, once again fighting hard for a draw when the opposition was playing far better than they were. Their only goal was a hard-fought one, completely against the run of play, with Cassidy Dwyer catching the Mid-Capital defence off guard and slotting the ball home in the 62nd minute to equalise.

Kirkham City may still be pretty long gone in their run for the Challengers Cup, but that does not stop them from being a right old nuisance. North Chamberley missed their chance to jump equal on points with Dunkirk Athletic following a 2-1 demise to City despite fighting until the very end, with a late goal to Jason Boston eventually not enough.

Halpenley City dropped to 11th following a 2-1 Kirkham Sentients as they climbed back to eighth with the three points. They were effectively out, sure, but the Sentients were determined to finish the season on a high note - something that, so far, they have succeeded in doing, breaking past Halpenley’s formidable defence twice.

Avondale City managed to put the pressure right on Betham FC, moving four points ahead of the latter in the battle for second place and the final CEdC spot. Don’t get me wrong, there was still an ever so slim chance for Avondale to put the foot down and finish first, but the amount of things required for that to happen was just too monumental as they focused all of their efforts on beating a determined Dunkirk Athletic 1-0.

Betham, rather spectacularly, failed to meet the challenge. Kirkham Appliances may have just lost two in a row, but Betham were completely out of it by the time the two clubs set foot into the Bay Reserve. The final result was a 3-0 win to the Appliances as they jumped back over Pesfield Trees and Mid-Capital to re-assert fourth place, no thanks to a hat-trick from the Heater to continue its fight with the Milk Carton to see who is the fourth best Sylestonean Sentient striker (fuck that’s a tongue twister).

In rather unspectacular fashion, Capital FC have done it. So much hard work throughout the season has finally paid off, but the single point that determined their Toilet League premiership was probably the worst of the season. Up against Dodle FC, they were completely out of it after a tremendous season and in the ninth minute, Sofia Arnold broke past Jason Finnigan to put Dodle 1-0 up. Although Capital eventually equalised through Max Paterson’s seventh goal of the season, a 1-1 draw with by far the worst team in the league is quite… depressing. Especially when you’ve just become the first team to win the Toilet League twice.

Kirkham Furniture wrapped up the round with a quiet 1-0 victory over Chamberley City, officially succeeding in their campaign to not be relegated. Their campaign to be contenders for the season was a complete fail, but let’s take one thing at a time, right?

Matchday Twenty-Nine

Chamberley City 4–0 Cleorough FC
Kirkham Furniture 0–0 Capital FC
Dodle FC 0–0 Betham FC
Kirkham Appliances 3–0 Avondale City FC
Dunkirk Athletic 2–0 Kirkham Sentients
Halpenley City FC 0–1 Kirkham City
North Chamberley 2–1 Avondale Beach SC
Mid-Capital 0–1 Pesfield Trees FC

Chamberley City bounced back miraculously from their loss to Kirkham Furniture, smacking Cleorough’s arses just as they began to find a hint of luck and form. The Great White Shark, Joel Clemons, Tillie Ex and Kaiden Courtney all scored in the 4-0 thumping as Chamberley jumped back into eighth spot on the table, while Cleorough fell to tenth.

Capital FC, fully aware that they had secured the title, gave their reserves a chance in their match with Kirkham Furniture. As a result, the final result was a 0-0 draw, with neither side really showing any dominance over the other throughout the entire game. But even with their reserves on, Capital FC were certainly still the better side.

Dodle FC continued to surprise the top Toilet League teams just when all hope had been lost, keeping Betham to a goalless draw, somehow keeping a frustrated Destiny Arias in her shell for the entirety of the game, despite being far better than any of the defenders she encountered. Betham now rely on Avondale City to lose to both the Kirkham Appliances and Dodle, as well as a win themselves over Kirkham Furniture to clinch second place and a spot in the CEdC, and with Betham’s current form, none seem likely.

But you never know. Kirkham Appliances certainly didn’t think much of Avondale City, handing them a 3-0 thumping to keep Betham’s faint hopes of second place alive. The Alarm Clock, Air Conditioner and Heater all scored in that order as the Appliances moved one point behind Betham in third place.

Dunkirk Athletic continued to rocket away from North Chamberley and the relegation zone with a surprising 2-0 win over Kirkham Sentients, chugging along to 31 points, six above North Chamberley despite the latter having a game up the bag. It seemed Dunkirk were getting the job done just when they needed to, climbing away from that dreaded 15th place.

Despite being out of the running for a Challengers Cup spot, Kirkham City still continued to show off their abilities a little too late in the season as Halpenley City were dealt with their third loss in a row. Their only goal came from the Picture as Halpenley’s defence spluttered for roughly five minutes at the start of the second half, allowing Kirkham City to break through and score, taking all three points out of the match.

North Chamberley kept their faint hopes of remaining in the Toilet League alive, defeating a dogged Avondale Beach side 2-1 as they moved three points behind Dunkirk Athletic in 14th. Now all they needed to do was to beat Pesfield Trees and hope Kirkham City could deal with Dunkirk.

To wrap up the round, Pesfield Trees ended Mid-Capital’s hopes of reaching the Challengers Cup for the first time with a 1-0 win away from home, keeping their hopes alive, too, as they jumped to fifth. As you would expect, Valentine Cocher completed the honours with a little chip over Thike Saleh’s head to keep their fans happy. For the moment.

Matchday Thirty

Cleorough FC 0–2 Mid-Capital
Pesfield Trees FC 2–2 North Chamberley
Avondale Beach SC 0–0 Halpenley City FC
Kirkham City 2–0 Dunkirk Athletic
Kirkham Sentients 0–1 Kirkham Appliances
Avondale City FC 1–2 Dodle FC
Betham FC 2–0 Kirkham Furniture
Capital FC 3–2 Chamberley City

Mid-Capital finished their season on a high with a 2-0 win over Cleorough FC as they ensured themselves of a possible fifth-place finish, depending on results. M’aka Antoine and Austin Miller scored the goals in the victory, with the former scoring her tenth of the season as she continues to seek a way back into the Yesopalitha national team.

North Chamberley’s hopes of remaining in the Toilet League were utterly dashed as Pesfield held them to a draw despite being on the back foot the entire time. The two Boston brothers were the eventual goalscorers, alongside Pesfield’s Valentine Cocher (can’t stop him anymore!) and Leslie Black’s own goal.

Halpenley City rounded out their season in Halpenley ways, following their three straight losses with a 0-0 draw against Avondale Beach. Typical.

Kirkham City completed their season with a win as they moved up to 48 points and seventh place, just four points off fourth place. Much better than anticipated, but still, a poor season on all accounts from the reigning champions. But they’ll come back, better than ever before.

Although they didn’t really need to, Kirkham Appliances finished their season on a happy note with a 1-0 win, ensuring a 3rd or 4th place finish depending on Betham’s result against Kirkham Furniture. Kirkham Sentients’ sudden drop of form let the Appliances break past them without really trying that hard, instead preferring to preserve their strength for tough times ahead in the Challengers Cup.

Dodle FC, with only a sole win over Dunkirk Athletic all season, recorded their second against a full-strength Avondale City side, with wingers Abbey Graham and Daniel Foreman each scoring goals in the 2-1 victory. Sloane Walsh might have scored her 15th of the season and finished third on the goalscorers tally, only behind Destiny Arias and the Great White Shark. Yet another good season for her.

Betham FC were finally able to return to their winning ways just when it mattered with a 2-0 victory over Kirkham Furniture, with Destiny Arias hitting the 20-goal mark for the season with Betham’s second goal in the 74th minute. While she couldn’t match Sloane Walsh’s feat of 22 goals in the season, it’s still a seriously impressive feat from the Cassadaiguan.

To wrap up the season itself, Capital FC and Chamberley City fought out a tense match, but in the end, the premiership winners were a little bit too good thanks to a late goal from Oscar Umbridge. The final score was 3-2, with goals to Callum Alexander and Jason Williams as well as Umbridge, while Dorian Bullock and Phille Mith scored for Chamberley.

And that’s it. See you next time.
Unless you actually care about the Poo League.

Top Ten Goalscorers:

1. Destiny Arias - 20 (Betham FC - Cassadaigua)
2. Great White Shark - 17 (Chamberley City - Quemorr Isles)
3. Sloane Walsh - 16 (Avondale City FC - Nephara)
4. Oscar Umbridge - 14 (Capital FC)
5. Milk Carton - 13 (Kirkham City)
=6. Andrew Dalton - 12 (Avondale City FC - Ethane)
=6. Heater - 12 (Kirkham Appliances)
=8. Tumble Dryer - 11 (Kirkham Sentients)
=8. Valentine Cocher - 11 (Pesfield Trees FC)
=10. M’aka Antoine - 10 (Mid-Capital - Yesopalitha)
=10. Abigail Jones - 10 (Cleorough FC)
=10. Tillie Ex - 10 (Chamberley City - Chromatika)

Final Table:

*                         Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Capital FC              30   19   7   4    57   26  +31    64	IFCF Champions League/CEdC
 2 Betham FC               30   16   5   9    50   31  +19    53	IFCF Challengers Cup/CEdC
 3 Avondale City FC        30   16   5   9    67   44  +23    53	IFCF Challengers Cup
 4 Kirkham Appliances      30   16   4  10    34   21  +13    52	IFCF Challengers Cup/Cup Winners Cup
 5 Mid-Capital             30   14   6  10    45   33  +12    48
 6 Pesfield Trees FC       30   14   6  10    39   33   +6    48
 7 Kirkham City            30   14   6  10    48   46   +2    48
 8 Chamberley City         30   12   6  12    58   44  +14    42
 9 Kirkham Sentients       30   13   1  16    34   44  −10    40
10 Halpenley City FC       30   10   8  12    12   21   −9    38
11 Cleorough FC            30   10   8  12    31   40   −9    38
12 Kirkham Furniture       30    9   8  13    12   23  −11    35
13 Avondale Beach SC       30    7  12  11    39   48   −9    33
14 Dunkirk Athletic        30    8   7  15    35   49  −14    31
15 North Chamberley        30    7   8  15    35   63  −28    29	Relegation to Poo League
16 Dodle FC                30    2   9  19    13   43  −30    15	Relegation to Poo League

Player of the Season: Destiny Arias (Betham FC - Cassadaigua)

External Links:
If you have players in my league, please check this out

Sylestone Football Database

Total tallies of goalscoring across this season of the Toilet league

[Sylestone]

Matchdays 26-30

Matchday Twenty-Six

Freeman City 3–1 Western FC
Southern Avondale FC 1–1 Whitepool AFC
FC Conton 0–0 Marbury FC
Dunkirk FC 1–0 Freeman Province
Kirkham Suburbs 3–0 Western Avondale
Emacuton FC 0–1 Katham FC
Southern Beaches 1–1 Emacuton United
FC Freeport 0–3 AFC Droves

Freeman City were finally able to keep their slim chances at third place alive with a 3-1 win over Western FC. Despite the two-goal victory, Freeman will still feel as though they weren’t quite at their best, but it’s a start.

Whitepool AFC, up against an in-form Southern Avondale FC, succeeded in stealing a deserved point in what was to be a 1-1 draw. It was a hard-fought match, with the momentum switching back and forth but in the end, a draw was the correct result.

FC Conton welcomed Hunter Burnser back into their side in the 65th minute when young Conner Connell was taken off and the South Newlandian ran onto the pitch. Before this moment, Marbury had been dominating the game against Conton, but following Burnser’s intervention, the odds were equal again as a 0-0 draw panned out.

Dunkirk FC climbed to seventh with a poor 1-0 victory over Freeman Province, failing to take advantage of the 16th-placed side in the Poo League. Yet, despite the disappointing game, they still came out on top and with three extra points to their name, which is what really matters in the end.

Western Avondale were dealt with their third loss in three matches by Kirkham Suburbs, this time in a 3-0 drumming. The result meant that Kirkham jumped to fourth place, above Western Avondale and equal on points with Southern Beaches. In third.

Katham FC continued to romp their way through to the Toilet League with a 1-0 win over Emacuton FC, ensuring that they would finish top of the Poo League table while they were at it, too. They might have not been at their best for this particular game, but they’d deserved a break.

Southern Beaches jumped to third with a 1-1 draw against Emacuton United, a match between two of the three lowest ranks before this point in time. But that would not last, with Southern Beaches currently in third and United, despite having such a promising season up to now, dropping back to twelfth.

To wrap up the round, AFC Droves maintained their ten-point lead over their rivals for second place with a 3-0 win against Freeport, essentially ending all hopes for their opponents. They now all relied on a miraculous fuck up from the Droves, which, in all honesty, isn’t exactly likely.

Matchday Twenty-Seven

FC Freeport 0–1 Freeman City
AFC Droves 1–2 Southern Beaches
Emacuton United 2–0 Emacuton FC
Katham FC 1–2 Kirkham Suburbs
Western Avondale 0–1 Dunkirk FC
Freeman Province 0–0 FC Conton
Marbury FC 2–1 Southern Avondale FC
Whitepool AFC 1–1 Western FC

Freeman City racked up their second win in a row, and although this one was only by a 1-0 scoreline over FC Freeport, it was still much more convincing than the 3-1 victory against Western FC.

Southern Beaches kept their extremely minimal chances at taking second place from the Droves alive with a 2-1 victory over the offending team, ensuring they stayed in third place, ahead of both Kirkham Suburbs and Western Avondale. They’re not out of this just yet.

In the Emacuton derby, Emacuton United came out on top in a 2-0 victory to jump back up the table a couple of places. While it’s a little too late to really go anywhere with it, it’s still a good feeling to know that you’ve beaten your crosstown rivals.

Against all odds, Kirkham Suburbs also kept their tiny chances of promotion open with an improbable 2-1 victory over Katham FC, already having sewn up first place in this season’s league. The Fridge and the Spoon were at their best, continuing to set up chances for the Suburbs as they remained right on the tail of Southern Beaches, really pushing close to third place and a Liga B Champions Trophy place.

Western Avondale fell four points behind Southern Beaches and Kirkham Suburbs just at the wrong time in the season, following a surprising 1-0 loss to Dunkirk FC, now in sixth place on 39 points. They needed a lot of things to go their way, but they weren’t out of contention for a spot in the Liga B Champions Trophy just yet.

FC Conton continued to struggle in the Poo League, this time dropping two points to Freeman Province, a side that were long gone in 16th place. With all hopes scattered, it appeared as though Conton wasn't even trying anymore.

Marbury successfully warded off a strong challenge from Southern Avondale to clinch a 2-1 win and three points as they seeked to finish well inside the top half of the table. Currently in eighth, though, they would be hard-pressed to do so, but it will certainly not be anywhere near impossible.

Whitepool were once again unable to take three points out of a game they really should have, with their forwards failing to put the ball in the back of the net for the countless time in the season. They’ll have a think about what’s gone wrong up front and be back next season. Hopefully.

Matchday Twenty-Eight

Freeman City 0–1 Whitepool AFC
Western FC 1–0 Marbury FC
Southern Avondale FC 1–0 Freeman Province
FC Conton 0–2 Western Avondale
Dunkirk FC 3–0 Katham FC
Kirkham Suburbs 2–2 Emacuton United
Emacuton FC 1–1 AFC Droves
Southern Beaches 1–1 FC Freeport

But they weren’t quite done yet. Whitepool’s forwards may not be in the best form at the moment, but neither were Freeman City, despite having two wins from their previous two matches. The final result was a 1-0 away win to Whitepool as they continued to remain ahead of Western FC.

But Western FC were doing their best. Marbury FC weren’t quite up to scratch, something that the Chamberley side was eager to exploit. They’ve had a poor season, but in the end, they have won some good games and have a bit of momentum to take into next season.

Southern Avondale climbed to seventh place with a 1-0 win over Freeman Province, with the 16th-placed side fighting doggedly until the very end. But they just weren’t good enough and have many questions to answer if they want to try and push for a solid season next year.

Western Avondale kept their hopes of a third-place finish alive with a 2-0 win over FC Conton climbing within two points of Southern Beaches and Kirkham Suburbs in third and fourth place respectively as FC Conton dropped to 15th. So much for the return of Hunter Burnser being Conton’s saviour. Although he was a wall in the right defence.

Dunkirk FC jumped to 42 points with their best game of the season, beating a Katham FC side not quite at full strength due to their position at the top of the table. But that’s not the good bit. The good bit is the scoreline. Jessica Heagney, at only 20 years old, scored her first professional hat-trick as she continued to be Dunkirk’s saviour. Whether she would stay for another season or seek to change to a better club, though, is questionable.

Kirkham Suburbs have been removed from promotion contention following a 2-2 draw with Emacuton United as AFC Droves moves a point too far ahead of them. Now only Southern Beaches remains to challenge them.

The Droves’ said point came from their match against Emacuton FC, where despite completely sucking at almost everything, still came out with a draw. Now, all they needed to do was hope that Southern Beaches didn’t win and they were promoted.

They didn’t. Freeport’s challenge was slightly too good as the two sides were held to a 1-1 draw, fizzling the season out to a disappointing close.

Matchday Twenty-Nine

Southern Beaches 0–2 Freeman City
FC Freeport 1–5 Emacuton FC
AFC Droves 6–1 Kirkham Suburbs
Emacuton United 1–0 Dunkirk FC
Katham FC 3–0 FC Conton
Western Avondale 3–1 Southern Avondale FC
Freeman Province 4–1 Western FC
Marbury FC 1–0 Whitepool AFC

Southern Beaches placed their chances of finishing in third place in jeopardy, letting Freeman City come out as victors in what was a 2-0 victory. Now, with Kirkham Suburbs and Western Avondale right on their heels, even a win over Emacuton FC may not be enough to secure third place.

Especially following their 5-1 smashing of FC Freeport. Freeport have been fighting doggedly to maintain some respect during the entire season, but here, they just collapsed in a heap as Emacuton proceeded to walk all over them. It should have been a close match considering the history and placings on the table of these two teams, but sometimes these things can happen.

Kirkham Suburbs’ mercurial season continued, completely failing to take advantage of the Beaches’ loss as AFC Droves, knowing that they’d already secured a spot in the next season of the Toilet League, whipped the Suburbs up in a 6-1 victory, making amends for their loss a few weeks prior by that exact same scoreline to Western Avondale. Watch out Toilet League, the Droves are comin’ for ya.

Dunkirk FC’s chances for a third-place finish ended with a snap as Emacuton United used the momentum they’d been gaining over the past couple of rounds to put a single goal past Olivia Plunkett, something which Dunkirk could not replicate.

Katham FC continued to chug away, this time finishing with a 3-0 win over FC Conton as they fight to not finish in 15th place. This leaves Katham on 69 points and with a great chance to become the first-ever team across both divisions to get on the right side of 70 points. Ever.

Western Avondale made use of the losses by Southern Beaches and Kirkham Suburbs to climb into third place, putting them in the box seat to take out the final spot in the Liga B Champions Trophy following a 3-1 victory over rivals Southern Avondale FC. Now all they had to do was beat Western FC to confirm it, or else leave everything out of their hands.

It appeared to be a likely prospect. Freeman Province managed to grab just their fourth win so far of the tournament, but what a win it was. A 4-1 victory over Western FC gave Western Avondale a whole lot of confidence heading into their match in the final round. Could Western Avondale do it and finish third, or will they flunk it up?

While these questions were being raised and pondered, Marbury FC quietly disposed of Whitepool AFC to give themselves some handy points heading into next season. They are beginning to work really well together and there is a possible chance that they could be able to take it far next season.

Matchday Thirty

Freeman City 0–0 Marbury FC
Whitepool AFC 2–1 Freeman Province
Western FC 3–0 Western Avondale
Southern Avondale FC 2–3 Katham FC
FC Conton 0–0 Emacuton United
Dunkirk FC 0–3 AFC Droves
Kirkham Suburbs 0–1 FC Freeport
Emacuton FC 0–0 Southern Beaches

Freeman City finished the season in seventh place with a 0-0 draw with Marbury FC, although after being third for so long, they had a right to feel a little hard done by, while Marbury continued to hang around that mid-table section with roughly the same amount of wins, draws and losses you would expect from a team playing 5-5-0.

Whitepool AFC finished off a frustrating season on a high note with a 2-1 win over Freeman Province, finishing in twelfth despite playing like a top-five side for most of the time. They, though, will have to make some decisions about what to do with their forward line, but it’s better than Freeman Province’s issues with their entire team.

Western Avondale have left their fate out of their hands following a 3-0 thumping by Western FC on the final matchday, leaving the gate wide open for Kirkham Suburbs or Southern Beaches to walk right into the Liga B Champions Trophy. Nervous times await the Avondale side as they seek to finally move back up into the Toilet League in season six.

Katham FC have successfully become the first side to bypass the 70-point milestone in a season, whether in the Toilet League or Poo League. They did this in the final round, overcoming Southern Avondale FC 3-2 as they climbed to the Toilet League on a high. They’ve deserved it, too, winning 23 of their 30 games at a conversion rate of above 75%. But the Toilet League is tough, and whether they’ll be able to withstand the pressure remains to be seen.

FC Conton wrapped up their season against Emacuton United with a disappointing 0-0 draw, finishing in 15th despite only just coming down from the Toilet League, including only 13 points from their last 20 games. They must improve. Must. Improve.

AFC Droves wrapped up their final game of the Poo League season with a 3-0 thumping of Dunkirk FC as they prepare for the Liga B Champions Trophy and promotion to the Toilet League. They might have been the second best side in the Poo League, but the Toilet League is something completely different altogether.

Western Avondale’s hopes of staying in third place remained following Freeport’s shock win over Kirkham Suburbs, confining the sentient side to their second season in the Poo League in a row. How much longer will they have to wait until their next chance in the Toilet League?

Southern Beaches could not do it. To round out their season, Emacuton FC held them to a 0-0 draw as they moved equal on points with Western Avondale. But due to tiebreakers, they could not overtake them as Western Avondale somehow managed to gain a spot in the Liga B Champions Trophy. Were they finally up on their way out of the Poo League?

Final Table:

*                           Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts 
 1 Katham FC                 30   23   3   4    51   20  +31    72	IFCF Liga B Champions Trophy/Promotion to Toilet League
 2 AFC Droves                30   18   5   7    68   34  +34    59	IFCF Liga B Champions Trophy/Promotion to Toilet League
 3 Western Avondale          30   14   5  11    56   37  +19    47	IFCF Liga B Champions Trophy
 4 Southern Beaches          30   13   8   9    40   34   +6    47
 5 Kirkham Suburbs           30   12  10   8    56   42  +14    46
 6 Freeman City              30   12   7  11    34   47  −13    43
 7 Dunkirk FC                30   12   6  12    36   34   +2    42
 8 Marbury FC                30   10  11   9    20   12   +8    41
 9 Southern Avondale FC      30   10   9  11    38   48  −10    39
10 Emacuton United           30   10   8  12    21   24   −3    38
11 Whitepool AFC             30   10   6  14    32   41   −9    36
12 Emacuton FC               30   10   6  14    35   39   −4    36
13 Western FC                30    9   8  13    41   54  −13    35
14 FC Freeport               30    8  10  12    27   36   −9    34
15 FC Conton                 30    8   8  14    24   43  −19    32
16 Freeman Province          30    4   4  22    20   54  −34    16

[Sylestone]

SYLESTONE IFCF 7 ROUNDUP

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE AND CHALLENGERS CUP

First Preliminary Round: (ESH) Ottawa Geese - Capital FC (SYL)

First Leg: Ottawa Geese vs Capital FC @ Unknown

Ottawa Geese: Unknown

Capital FC (4-4-2): Crossley (TKT); Bowen (BLN) (Taylor 64’) - Stevenson - Heagney - Finnigan; Roberts (TKT) - Williams (Kreis (TKT) 77’) - Paterson - Smith; Alexander (ETN) (▮ 43’) (Herzog 55’) - Umbridge

OTTAWA, ESHIALAND - To kick off the seventh IFCF cycle for Sylestone, Capital FC were up against Eshian champions Ottawa Geese in what appeared to be a tough matchup in the first preliminary round. The first game was in Eshialand, in front of a slightly smaller than expected but still raucous home crowd, supporting their team all the way to the end.

The game itself was quite a good one, with neither side really able to grab an advantage at all. The Sylestonean side had more possession, with 62% as well as a 90% pass accuracy, displaying their skill and making the Geese run everywhere to even gain control of the ball.

Interestingly, it was the Geese who scored first. Their centre forward managed to take the ball off James Heagney, performing a rare bad touch in the defence, letting Ottawa pounce, much to the delight of the crowd. Oliver Crossley might have had a breakout season in goals for the Toilet League winners, but even he wasn’t quite good enough to stop the shot as the home side went 1-0 up 28 minutes in.

Following the goal, Capital FC got their act together and began to dominate, but could not finish any of their prospective opportunities. On the brink of half-time, Callum Alexander of Ethane was booked when his frustration finally ran thin and took it out with a poor tackle on an Eshian defender, giving away a scoring opportunity as the Geese remained 1-0 up at half time.

With Alexander having a bad game, he was replaced by Brianna Herzog in the 55th minute, as she joined Oscar Umbridge and continued to press the Geese’s defence. But as the minutes wore down, the Geese, against all odds, continued to hold on. But with five minutes left of normal time, Oscar Umbridge finally managed to equalise, with a brilliant shot from the corner of the box that curled back into the far post, beating Ottawa’s goalkeeper and hitting the back of the net. Capital had equalised.

And so it was. Despite having dominated, Capital FC had been held to a 1-1 draw in Ottawa against the Geese. Could they finish it off in the home leg?

OTTAWA GEESE - 1
Player 28’

CAPITAL FC - 1
Umbridge 85’

Second Leg: Capital FC vs Ottawa Geese @ Avondale International Sports Stadium, Avondale

Capital FC (4-4-2): Crossley (TKT); Bowen (BLN) - Levy (Heagney 45’) - Stevenson (▮ 78’) - Finnigan; Eaton - Williams - Paterson (Ferris 84’) - Smith; Alexander - Umbridge (Herzog 78’)

Ottawa Geese: Unknown

AVONDALE, SYLESTONE - Capital FC have sealed themselves a place in the second preliminary round of the IFCF Champions League, following a 2-1 home win over Ottawa Geese of Eshialand and a 3-2 win on aggregate. Like in the first leg, Capital FC dominated, but this time with 70% possession in front of a home crowd determined to see them into the next round. Their finishing issues continued from the first game, but this time, they were just good enough to ensure a 2-1 victory.

Both of Capital’s goals came in the first half, with Jeremy Smith and Max Paterson scoring both, assisted by forward Callum Alexander. In the second half, the Geese fought back a little, scoring a late goal to keep the game alive. However, Capital FC were just too strong for the Eshian side as they came away with a 3-2 aggregate win. A bit closer than the Sylestoneans would have liked, but still a solid win.

The result means that Capital FC are up against Omerican winners Corona Christiana. A tough matchup, but doable. One thing is for sure though, and that is that the odds certainly are not in Capital’s favour.

CAPITAL FC - 2
Smith 13’
Paterson 40’

OTTAWA GEESE - 1
Player 78’

Second Preliminary Round: (SYL) Capital FC - Corona Christiana (OME)

First Leg: Capital FC vs Corona Christiana @ Avondale International Sports Stadium, Avondale

Capital FC (4-4-2): Crossley (TKT); Bowen (BLN) - Heagney - Stevenson - Finnigan (Zezoni 69’); Eaton (▮ 34’) (Roberts (TKT) 57’) - Williams - Paterson (Kreis (TKT) 81’) - Smith; Umbridge - Alexander (ETN)

Corona Christiana: Unknown

AVONDALE, SYLESTONE - Against all odds, Capital FC have come out of their first leg against Omerican champions Corona Christiana with a one-goal lead following an intense 2-1 victory at home. It was a very even game, although in the end the Omerican side appeared to be a tad better on the day. Yet, it did not affect the end result being in the favour of the Sylestonean Toilet League champions.

However, it did not stop Corona Christiana from scoring first and putting a spanner in the works of Capital FC. A long ball from their centre-back all the way up to the wingers caught the usually reliable Capital defence off guard and in a one-on-one, Tikariot goalkeeper Oliver Crossley had no chance as Corona took an early lead.

They continued to dominate after the goal, although Capital FC certainly evened out a fair bit. Despite a fair few opportunities, though, they could not equalise before the break. But with at least 45 minutes of game time remaining, there was plenty of time to go out there and score a goal. Or more.

And so that was exactly what they did. While Corona Christiana continued to remain on the front foot, at least possession-wise, Capital FC were far more deadly with their chances. In the 67th minute of the game, they finally were able to break through, with a perfectly-struck corner from Matt Roberts deflecting off the head of tall defender Mitchell Stevenson and hitting the top corner of the net. The resulting roar of delight that emanated from the crowd showed just how much the goal meant to them.

But the Sylestonean side were not quite done yet. A little over ten minutes later, in the 78th minute, a brilliant shot from Callum Alexander on the edge of the box saw the ball curl past the outstretched hand of the Corona goalkeeper and hit the bottom-right corner of the net. Against the champions of an association ranked 36th in the world, Sylestonean Toilet League victors Capital FC were on the verge of causing a major upset.

And so they did. When the referee blew the final whistle, Capital FC had maintained their 2-1 lead as they moved into the away leg with their noses ahead. It was a small victory and Corona Christiana certainly were nowhere near out of it yet, but you never know. Capital FC could really do this.

CAPITAL FC - 2
Stevenson 67’
Alexander 78’

CORONA CHRISTIANA - 1
Player 28’

Second Leg: Corona Christiana vs Capital FC @ Stephen Reading Memorial Stadium, Christiana

Corona Christiana: Unknown

Capital FC (4-4-2): Holmes; Bowen (BLN) - Heagney - Stevenson (Flanagan 79’) - Finnigan; Roberts (TKT) (▮ 90’) - Williams (Kreis (TKT) 70’) - Paterson - Smith; Umbridge - Alexander (ETN) (▮ 47’) (Herzog 79’)

CHRISTIANA, OMERICA - Capital FC may have won the first leg, but the home crowd for Corona Christiana at the Stephen Reading Memorial Stadium, Christiana, certainly did not appear to think that their side was anywhere near out of it just yet. Which, I guess, is very true.

However, Corona Christiana would have to work very hard against a strong opposition to even come away with an equalised aggregate and a victory. In the 22nd minute of the match, this job was made just a tad more difficult when Oscar Umbridge converted a shot on his second attempt to put Capital FC 1-0 up.

In similar fashion to the first leg, Corona Christiana appeared to be the better side, but only by the skin of their teeth. With Capital’s Tikariotian goalkeeper Oliver Crossley out with a finger injury from the home victory, Corona would have felt that they had a chance, but Callum Holmes, selected to start in his first-ever IFCF game and was not much of a hindrance, stopping shots left, right and centre throughout the remainder of the first half as Capital FC continue to dampen the Omerican sides’ hopes. They now needed to score two goals in the second half to take the game to extra time - a tough job, but far from impossible.

But when a brilliant shot from an Omerican midfielder curled past Holmes’s outstretched hand in the 63rd minute to equalise, that job became a fair bit easier. Yet, as the minutes began to wind down, they could not break through again.

The 3-2 aggregate victory for Capital FC ensured that the Sylestonean side would qualify for the third preliminary round of the IFCF Champions League, where they would be up against Ponyville United from the mighty Equestrian States. Good luck, Capital FC.

CORONA CHRISTIANA - 1
Player 63’

CAPITAL FC - 1
Umbridge 22’

Third Preliminary Round: (EQS) Ponyville United - Capital FC (SYL)

First Leg: Ponyville United vs Capital FC @ Unknown

Ponyville United: Unknown

Capital FC (4-4-2): Crossley (TKT); Bowen (BLN) (▮ 66’) - Heagney (Taylor 66’) - Stevenson - Finnigan; Roberts (TKT) (▮ 37’) - Williams - Paterson - Smith (Inibus 76’); Alexander (ETN) - Umbridge (Everest 83’)

PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA - Capital FC have struggled to a disappointing away loss against Ponyville United, the Equestrian champions, finishing fourth in the prestigious United League. It was a high-scoring affair, not helped by a red-card to Capital FC’s Blaneuan defender Jessie Bowen in the 66th minute, when the score was 2-2. His experience was sorely missed as the Avondale sides’ defence let through three more goals, ending with a 5-3 loss. It was a hard task to make up the difference at home, but far from impossible.

Overall, it was a brilliant game to watch from a fans point of view. Max Paterson opened the scoring in the 20th minute, but Ponyvilles’ centre-forward fought back with two scoring shots within five minutes before Matt Roberts of Tikariot equalised seconds before half-time, making amends for a yellow card minutes before. It had been a thrilling first half and although Ponyville United certainly seemed to be the better side of the two, Capital FC were holding on and holding on well.

But with the score still 2-2 following Bowen’s red card, the weakened Capital defence was something that Ponyville were able to exploit with ease. United were able to score twice over the next fifteen minutes and although Callum Alexander was able to pull Capital back a goal, it was not enough to stop the Equestrian side from taking a two-goal lead into the home leg in Avondale, Sylestone.

PONYVILLE UNITED - 5
Player 27’
Player 34’
Player 69’ (p)
Player 80’
Player 90’

CAPITAL FC - 3
Paterson 20’
Roberts 45’
Alexander 86’

Second Leg: Capital FC vs Ponyville United @ Avondale International Sports Stadium, Avondale

Capital FC (4-4-2): Crossley (TKT); Taylor (Levy 75’) - Heagney - Stevenson - Finnigan (Zezoni 79’); Roberts (TKT) - Williams - Paterson (Kreis (TKT) 79’), Smith (▮ 56’); Alexander (ETN) - Umbridge

Ponyville United: Unknown

AVONDALE, SYLESTONE - So close, but yet so far. Capital FC have racked up their third 2-1 home victory in three matches, but in this case, it was not quite enough to overcome a two-goal deficit against Ponyville United. Unlike in the first leg, Capital FC were the better team on the day and despite having a 2-0 lead at one point, a late goal from Ponyville United ensured that the Equestrian side would progress to the playoff round of the Champions League, while Capital FC would have to play in the playoff round of the Challengers’ Cup.

For the majority of the first half, each side was happy to play defensive football, but with ten minutes to go until the break, Capital unleashed an unexpected assault on the Ponyville defence, catching them off guard and following a strong finish from Oscar Umbridge, Capital FC went 1-0 up.

But this time, it was them who scored the second goal, too. It was the 59th minute and following a poorly judged tackle from a Ponyville United defender inside the box, Capital FC were awarded a penalty and a chance to go 2-0 up. The experienced Callum Alexander took the shot and made no mistake as Capital FC, for the first time since the 20th minute of the first leg, were in front.

They got so close to defending it, too. But in the end, Ponyville United’s experience was just too much for the Sylestonean champions, with a late goal to the Equestrian side ensuring that it would be them that would progress to the playoff round of the Champions League.

Meanwhile, Capital FC were stuck with needing two aggregate wins in the Challengers Cup to qualify for the tournament’s group stage. The first match would be against Poafmersian side Trimidau Rukiya. Yet another strong side stood in the way of Sylestone; one that could well be the hardest they had faced thus far.

CAPITAL FC - 2
Umbridge 38’, 60’ (p)

PONYVILLE UNITED - 1
Player 83’

Extra Preliminary Round: (TLI) Waterfleet - Avondale City FC (SYL)

First Leg: Waterfleet vs Avondale City FC @ Waterfront Park, St Bart’s

Waterfleet (4-1-4-1): Folkhard (NPH); Vodsavo (SRS) - Shaw (van de Velde 79') - Grant - Bosman; van Duuren; Vermolen (▮ 55’) - Antonisse - Peijnenburg - H Murphy (van den Brink 71'); Paterson

Avondale City FC (4-2-2-2): Reber (CMT); Mornington - Damasekara - Lang (Nambucca 73’ (▮ 82’)) - Simms (EFL); Larkins - Tatyova (SRS); Dalton - Hawk (Miller 65’); Walsh (NPH) (▮ 27’) - Sevet-Opu (QUS) (Nevill 80’)

WATERFLEET, THE LICENTIAN ISLES - Despite the Licentian Isles having an association ranked a fair bit lower than Sylestone’s, Waterfleet were just a little too good for an Avondale City side not quite at their best on the day, with an 8,500-strong home crowd delighted to see their team head into the second leg with an improbable lead.

It was even more impressive considering that Avondale had a lead after the first 45 minutes of the match. Waterfleet appeared to be a little lacklustre throughout the first half and although Avondale City didn’t really appear to be quite as dominant as they have the capability to be, it was still enough to go 1-0 up through a Sloane Walsh goal in the 37th minute.

Waterfleet, despite having played well beneath their best in the first half, came out all guns blazing in the second and immediately equalised, with a corner taken by gun midfielder Brandon Vermolen headed in by Saul van Duuren in the 59th minute. Avondale City continued to be unable to find their rhythm and when Vermolen broke past Simms in the 80th minute, the away side’s defence was caught sorely off guard, with a simple pass to Layla Paterson being all that was needed for Waterfleet to take a 2-1 lead.

Despite finally beginning to show their true class, it had come too late in the game for Avondale as they were sent back to their home ground needing to make up for a one goal deficit in the second leg. Waterfleet are good, but Avondale City were nowhere near out of this just yet.

WATERFLEET - 2
van Duuren 59’
Paterson 80’

AVONDALE CITY FC - 1
Walsh 37’

Second Leg: Avondale City FC vs Waterfleet @ Kitchener Stadium, Avondale

Avondale City FC (4-2-2-2): Reber (CMT); Mornington (Matthews 63’) - Damasekara - Nambucca (Holt 45’) - Simms (EFL); Larkins (▮ 15’) - Tatyova (SRS); Dalton (ETN) - Hawk (Wheals 86’); Walsh (NPH) - Sevet-Opu (QUS)

Waterfleet (4-1-4-1): Folkhard (NPH); Vodsavo (SRS) (Nieborg 67') - Shaw (▮ 72’) - Grant - Luther; van Duuren; Vermolen - Antonisse - Peijnenburg - H Murphy (van den Brink 85'); Paterson (P Murphy 73')

AVONDALE, SYLESTONE - But Avondale could not do it. Despite playing in front of an adoring home crowd, they could not remove the scratchiness from their game as Waterfleet held them to a 1-1 draw and therefore eliminating Avondale City from the Challengers Cup. They’d be back.

Already 2-1 down from the away leg in St Bart’s in the Licentian Isles, Waterfleet increased their aggregate lead to two goals following a yellow card to Avondale midfielder Annabelle Larkins in the box, where Layla Paterson was able to successfully convert the penalty. It left Avondale City needing two goals in 75 minutes of football to take the game to extra time.

But as the game wore on, it looked less and less likely. On their day, Avondale would probably be better than Waterfleet, but all credit had to go to the away team. Half time passed with Avondale still needing two goals, as did the 50, 60 and 70 minute marks. With only 20 minutes to go and against an equal opposition, Waterfleet appeared to have this in the bag.

Not so fast. In the 74th minute, a free kick was awarded when Matt Antonisse fouled Hallar Tatyova, with a direct free kick being taken by the fouled player. Tatyova sliced it well, directly onto the head of Emily Hawk, who timed her flick of the head to perfection. Nepharan goalkeeper Marcia Folkhard may have been good enough to stop that shot with a flick of her wrist, but she wasn’t good enough to stop Andrew Dalton’s finish off the rebound into the opposite corner of the net. With 15 minutes to go, all Avondale City required was one goal.

They couldn’t do it. Like in the first leg, in the last ten minutes, they found their rhythm again, but it wasn’t enough as the Licentian side’s defence held on for the 1-1 draw, ensuring they would progress to the next round to play Villa, a Murphtannian club.

AVONDALE CITY FC - 1
Dalton 75’

WATERFLEET - 1
Paterson 15’ (p)

Extra Preliminary Round: (SCM) Royal Crown FC - Kirkham Appliances (SYL)

First Leg: Royal Crown FC vs Kirkham Appliances @ Unknown

Royal Crown FC: Unknown

Kirkham Appliances (5-4-1): Oven; Ironing Board - Microwave (▮ 66’) - Television - Egg Timer - Boiler; Alarm Clock - Air Conditioner - Coffee Maker (Soap 73’) - Telephone; Heater

SOMEWHERE, STARCOM RACING - Kirkham Appliances came into this matchup against Starcom Racing’s fourth-placed side, Royal Crown FC, knowing full well that they were favourites to take the game to the first preliminary round. Their hardest match would be up first, though, with an away game in Starcom Racing before coming back to Sentient Oval in Kirkham for the home leg. However, the Appliances were able to come out of the game knowing that they were well on top, with a 1-0 lead after an early goal to the Air Conditioner.

The goal itself was in the 16th minute of the match, but the buildup to it had been there since the beginning of the match. For the first fifteen minutes, Royal Crown had been hopelessly outclassed by the Sylestonean side and could have well been more than one goal down by that point. However, their deficit did not come through until a good pass back from the Heater caught the Royal Crown defence off guard, and a good, powerful shot from the Air Conditioner finished it off. Kirkham had gone 1-0 up.

The Appliances continued to dominate after the goal, but the Royal Crown defence was able to hold on until half time, where they used the break to rejuvenate themselves and reset. While they could still not match the mighty Appliance side, they were good enough to hold on to just a 1-0 loss heading into the leg at Sentient Oval.

ROYAL CROWN FC - 0

KIRKHAM APPLIANCES - 1
Air Conditioner 16’

Second Leg: Kirkham Appliances vs Royal Crown FC @ Sentient Oval, Kirkham

Kirkham Appliances (5-4-1): Oven; Ironing Board (▮ 43’) - Microwave - Television - Egg Timer (Water Heater 69’) - Boiler (▮ 54’) (▮ 75’); Alarm Clock - Air Conditioner - Soap (Coffee Maker 45’) - Telephone; Heater

Royal Crown FC: Unknown

KIRKHAM, SYLESTONE - Oh the heartbreak. The five Kirkham sides might have some of the fiercest rivalries out there in the domestic football fold, but even those were overcome in Royal Crown’s shock 2-1 win over the Kirkham Appliances in the second leg of their matchup in the extra preliminary round. To make matters worse, the only thing that allowed Royal Crown to advance was the away goals rule. After extra time. Bloody first-listed-team advantage.

Kirkham were probably better than Royal Crown on the day, but the team from Starcom Racing really did deserve to progress due to their improvements since the first fifteen minutes of the first leg. The Appliances, though, certainly have a right to feel hard done by with the end result, but that’s just the way it works.

Starcom Racing’s goal in normal time was scored in the 78th minute, just three after the Boiler received its second yellow card of the match and thus, received a red. It meant that with the aggregate score tied 1-1 after 90 minutes, the game would go to extra time to determine a winner.

Kirkham struck first with a goal to the Heater in the 98th minute of the match, but when Starcom Racing scored from a blinder - a risky shot from outside the box in the 116th minute of the match - the game was over. Despite the scores still being equal, the away goals rule ensured that Royal Crown would advance. Tough luck, Appliances, but sometimes, that’s just the way things pan out.

KIRKHAM APPLIANCES - 1
Heater 98’

ROYAL CROWN FC - 2
Player 78’
Player 116’

First Preliminary Round: (SRS) Damogran FC - Betham FC (SYL)

First Leg: Damogran FC vs Betham FC @ Bridger Lane, Damogran

Damogran FC (4-3-1-2): Russell (NPH); Walker (BRE) (Misra 73’) - Moreland (BRE) - Longstreet (NPH) - Halfariani; D’Amico (▮ 57’) - Gyôrffy (PAS) - Starosta (▮ 17’); Fitzgerald (BRE) (Jain 79’); Prokop (Charmchi 61’) - Zgela (MYT)

Betham FC (3-3-4): Cavendish; Eikholm (KOR) (▮ 34’) - Rao-Chavan (ZWZ) - F Butler (Poole 83’); Stanton - Fletcher - Swift (TKT) (B Lloyd 70’); Drover - Arias (CDG) - Scott (Satis 75’) - MacIntosh (▮ 63’)

DAMOGRAN, SQUORNSHELAN REMNANT STATES - As expected, Betham FC came up with the short end of the stick in this match, significantly outclassed by Damogran FC, one of the strongest sides in the Squornshelan Remnant States. The final result was a 3-1 loss; pretty bad, but not as terrible as you might expect considering the quality of the Squornshelans.

The first twenty minutes of the game were actually relatively equal, with Betham turning the switch on right from the word go while Damogran took a little while to find their rhythm again. But once they found it, they did not lose it. The first goal came in the 29th minute of the game, with a good cross in from the right wing by Mytanijan striker Dejan Zgela landing at the feet of Barack Fitzgerald, who produced a deft touch to wrong-foot Betham’s Zwangzugian defender Anita Rao-Chavan before slamming the ball past Verity Cavendish’s outstretched right hand to put Damogran 1-0 up.

In the 43rd minute, it became 2-0, with a free kick being awarded after a foul from Keith Fletcher. The shot was a perfect one; with Pasargan midfielder Ugor Gyôrffy taking the shot, slotting the ball over the heads of Betham’s wall, past a diving Cavendish caught off guard by the shot and into the back of the net. And so it was; at half time, Damogran were 2-0 up and looking to really make hay of the Sylestonean side.

However, Betham held on. After the break, Damogran continued to dominate, but in the 61st minute, the Bethamites kept their hopes of a draw or even a victory alive by clawing back a goal, with a cross from Max MacIntosh to Travis Scott being pushed back to Destiny Arias and with her superb ball skills, succeeded in breaking past Nepharan centre-back Fuchsia Longstreet and curling the ball on the bounce into the left post and into the goal.

However, it wasn’t to be. Damogran continued to dominate the game, and in the 74th minute, a brilliant slide tackle stopped a certain shot with Cavendish caught off her line after a pass from Payam Charmchi across the Betham defensive line to Fitzgerald. Eikholm’s tackle was perfectly timed, but Cavendish was wrong-footed as the ball spun back into the goal. The Ko-orenite defender had stopped a certain goal… and scored one himself.

The final score was a 3-1 loss for Betham - an expected but still disappointing result. It meant that they would have to fight extremely hard if they were to make it to the next round, having to win by at least two goals and having the away goals rule in their advantage. A slim prospect if any.

DAMOGRAN FC - 3
Fitzgerald 29’
Gyôrffy 43’
Eikholm 74’ (OG)

BETHAM FC - 1
Arias 61’

Second Leg: Betham FC vs Damogran FC @ The Bay Reserve, Betham

Betham FC (3-3-4): Cavendish; Eikholm (KOR) - Rao-Chavan (ZWZ) (Lovegood 70’) - Poole (▮ 55’); Stanton - Fletcher (Kirk 78’) - Swift (TKT); Drover (Nicholson 84’) - Arias (CDG) - Scott (▮ 82’) - MacIntosh

Damogran FC (4-3-1-2): Russell (NPH); Walker (BRE) - Moreland (BRE) (Krark 72’) - Longstreet (NPH) - Arigani (▮ 7’); D’Amico (CBP) (Rostami 86’) - Gyôrffy (PAS) - Starosta; Fitzgerald (BRE); Charmchi (Prokop 58’) - Zgela (MYT)

BETHAM, SYLESTONE - Betham FC may have eventually ended up eliminated from the Challengers Cup and the seventh IFCF as a whole after this match, but that did not stop them from playing their heart out until the very last second, with one of the best games domestic football in Sylestone had ever seen in five seasons of the shit. A 4-4 draw against one of the best teams from an association ranked 20th on home soil… what more could you want?

Damogran scored first, turning a yellow card to their own young right-back Partos Arigani to their advantage following some poor and inaccurate passing by the Bethamites. Payam Charmchi sealed the finish in the ninth minute of the match with a banger of a shot from the edge of the box, putting the away side 1-0 up within the first ten minutes of the match.

Mytanijan striker Dejan Zgela made it 2-0 with a good finish off a corner that split the likes of Zwangzugian defender Anita Rao-Chavan and the homegrown Aidan Poole, with neither having the reflexes to stop the powerful strike. Another solid drumming seemed on the cards.

But Destiny Arias had other ideas. She noticed a gap between Reagan Moreland and Fuchsia Longstreet and exploited it to perfection, outrunning both defenders and converting to put Betham back a goal. It was a disappointing performance from the Damogran defence; they really should’ve been able to do better than that. But everyone is entitled to their bad days, I guess.

However, it would not be long until Zgela scored his second to ensure Damogran would remain with a two-goal advantage heading into half-time. Although this attempt was brought to nought by Amelia Stanton in stoppage time, Betham were still 3-2 down at the half-time break and were in dire need of some goals. If they were to progress to the second preliminary round over Damogran, they needed four more goals in the following 45 minutes than their opponents. Nigh on impossible.

When Zgela completed his hat-trick in the 67th minute of the match, Damogran had moved up to a whopping 7-3 aggregate lead over the Sylestonean side, as well as with the away goals advantage.

Despite being faced with the impossible task, Betham refused to give up. They continued to push at the Damogran defensive line, searching everywhere for an opening. Finally, in the 78th minute, Travis Scott found it, using his superb ball skills to keep Longstreet and Arigani at bay before chipping the ball over their heads to Arias, who took the ball on the volley. The shot must have been one of the best she’d ever taken; from just outside the box, she had somehow managed to kick the ball into the ground, where it skidded past Russell’s hands and into the back of the net. 4-3.

In the 89th minute, MacIntosh equalised after Russell dropped what should have been an easy catch from a cross and with no one left to guard the goal. Betham now only needed to score three goals… but time was up.

They’d tried and had managed to at least take points away from the matches for their association. But alas, they could not pull it off and succumbed to a 7-5 aggregate loss. Everything now relied on Capital FC.

BETHAM FC - 4
Arias 32’, 78’
Stanton 45+1’
MacIntosh 89’

DAMOGRAN FC - 4
Charmchi 9’
Zgela 24’, 36’, 67’

Playoff Round: (SYL) Capital FC - Trimidau Rukiya (PFA)

First Leg: Capital FC vs Trimidau Rukiya @ Avondale International Sports Stadium, Avondale

Capital FC (4-4-2): Crossley (TKT); Taylor (Levy 53’) - Stevenson - Heagney - Finnigan; Roberts (TKT) (▮ 40’) (Eaton 81’) - Williams (Kreis (TKT) 72’) - Paterson - Smith (▮ 68’); Alexander (ETN) - Umbridge

Trimidau Rukiya (4-3-3): Milne; Cloudburst (EQS) (Pagani 79’) - Iglesias (▮ 28’) - Maruška - Uzo (QUS); Conner - Sweet (Friedman 60’) - Haines; Kim (QUE) (▮ 12’) - Banks (TKT) (▮ 88’) (Holgersson 72’) - Mayer

AVONDALE, SYLESTONE - Capital FC have once again scored two goals in a home game to put their opposition under pressure, asking questions of their defensive line. However, unlike their first two matches against Ottawa Geese and Corona Christiana and in a sense, Ponyville United, their two goals would not be enough as Poafmersian second-placers Trimidau Rukiya put three past Oliver Crossley in goals.

Interestingly, it was Jason Williams who actually opened the scoring in the 32nd minute of the match, against the run of play. A good run by defender Mitchell Stevenson resulted in an opening to the right of Equestrian defender Cloudburst, which Williams was able to fill and convert. Capital FC had done it; they were in the lead in a playoff game against one of the better associations in the multiverse.

However, they could not make it last. In the 39th minute of the game, a corner from Aubrey Mayer was headed past Crossley’s diving hand and hit the back of the net off the head of Intov-Betva Uzo to equalise. It was a poor performance from the Capital side; as multiple defenders really should have been able to clear the ball out of the box, but Trimidau had deserved it.

After half time, a penalty successfully converted by Woden Sweet put Trimidau Rukiya 2-1 up before a banger from the corner of the box off the boot of Taek-Beom Kim in the 66th minute made it 3-1 to the away side. After being a goal in the lead, Capital FC had flunked to a 3-1 deficit in just under 30 minutes.

However, they would not give up quite yet. In the 82nd minute, Oscar Umbrige kept the home side’s hopes of a draw, or more, alive by sneaking a ball between the post and goalkeeper Casimiro Milne to put Capital FC back a goal. Knowing full well how paramount it was that his side could score again, no celebration ensued as Capital immediately went back to their starting positions. You never know.

But they could not do it. Capital FC pushed it close, but could not finish it off as Trimidau Rukiya leapt to a one-goal victory away from home. The Avondale side’s task was now in ruins, but with a fair bit of luck and some brilliant play, could still pull this off.

CAPITAL FC - 2
Williams 32’
Umbridge 82’

TRIMIDAU RUKIYA - 3
Uzo 39’
Sweet 52’ (p)
Kim 66’

Second Leg: Trimidau Rukiya vs Capital FC @ Rukiya Sports Stadium, Rukiya

Trimidau Rukiya (4-3-3): Milne; Cloudburst (EQS) - Iglesias (Thomas 64’) - Maruška - Uzo (QUS); Conner (Winship 88’) - Sweet - Haines; Idowu (Kim (QUE) 70’) - Holgersson - Mayer

Capital FC (4-4-2): Crossley (TKT); Taylor (Bowen (BLN) 45’) - Stevenson - Heagney - Finnigan (Zezoni 80’) - Eaton (▮ 27’) (Roberts (TKT) 75’) - Kreis (TKT) - Paterson - Smith; Alexander (ETN) - Umbridge

RUKIYA, POAFMERSIA - Yeah, they couldn’t do it. Fully aware that they had a significant away goals advantage over Capital FC, Trimidau Rukiya simply stacked their defence, barely running forward at all. It created a boring game of football as Capital FC slumped to their first goalless game all IFCF, in their eighth attempt. It would mark their last in the tournament, too.

The first half had to be some of the most boring football recorded. Ever. A grand total of one chance occurred as Trimidau Rukiya were simply happy to just pass around their defence, warding off the Capital forwards for pretty much the entire 45 minutes. Rukiya’s only venture towards Oliver Crossley in goals for the Sylestonean side occurred in the 39th minute of the match, when a terrible touch from Adam Taylor allowed Aubrey Mayer to spring on the ball. He crossed it in, but the shot from Derby Holgersson went just inches wide of the post.

The vast majority of the second half was much the same. Neither side were really given a chance to score, with the Trimidau Rukiya defence holding Callum Alexander, Oscar Umbridge and for some parts, Chris Kreis, off. By the time the 80th minute passed, Capital FC simply gave up.

As a result, Holgersson and Stribog Haines were able to make what seemed to be a 0-0 draw into a 2-0 victory, with a late goal apiece against a Capital defence barely even trying. They’d just given up. Across 170 minutes of football, they’d tried their utmost to ward the Poafmersian side off what appeared to be inevitable progression to the qualifying round of the Challengers’ Cup. But for the last ten, they just lost it. But they’ll be back next time, and even stronger than before. That much you can be sure of.

TRIMIDAU RUKIYA - 2
Holgersson 81’
Haines 87’

CAPITAL FC - 0

[Sylestone]

SYLESTONE IFCF 7 ROUNDUP

LIGA B CHAMPIONS TROPHY AND CUP WINNERS’ CUP

First Preliminary Round: (ACS) FC Pedra Branca - Western Avondale (SYL)

First Leg: FC Pedra Branca vs Western Avondale @ Estádio de Pedra Branca

FC Pedra Branca: Unknown

Western Avondale (3-4-3): Angry; Ross (▮ 11’) (▮ 28’) - Kerr - Fart (Holden 55’); Gore - Idiot (▮ 67’) - Boote (▮ 39’) (Fagan 72’) - Glover; Bennett (Gray 83’) - Bumbum (▮ 53’) - Morales (▮ 80’)

PEDRA BRANCA, ACASTANHA - Western Avondale held a determined FC Pedra Branca to a 2-2 draw in the first leg of the first preliminary round of the seventh Liga B Champions Trophy, with the home team going up by a goal twice in the match, only for Western Avondale to equalise through the unlikeliest of circumstances. It was a very rough game, with a total of six yellow cards handed out to the Sylestonean players, including two to Jesse Ross before he was sent off in the 28th minute.

The game itself was a good one. Pedra Branca scored early in the 20th minute, but it wasn’t long until legendary Western Avondale striker Poopoo Bumbum fired an equaliser from what must have been at least 30 metres away, stunning literally everyone at the ground. Bumbum may have remained on fire, but from that point onwards, he was heavily guarded by multiple defenders to ensure he would remain inside his shell.

The plan worked. In the 65th minute, a poor touch from Western Avondale defender Wayne Kerr left the goal open for Pedro Branca’s centre-forward to put the Acastanha side 2-1 up, much to the distaste of goalkeeper Very Angry, who began yelling at Kerr, Cornelius Boote and whoever else’s fault it was that the goal was scored. He really was very angry.

But Western Avondale refused to give up hope. They continued to commit more and more fouls but somehow, they began to push back the Pedra Branca defence back towards their own goal. Finally, in the 87th minute, a cross from Trinity Gore to Bumbum was deflected on to where Morales was, who converted the shot with a quick strike, catching the opposition goalkeeper off guard. The score was 2-2.

And that was the final score, too. It meant that heading into the home leg, Western Avondale could be said to have a slight advantage after how equal this match was. But it will all be decided in the next round in Avondale. Spicy.

FC PEDRA BRANCA - 2
Player 20’
Player 65’

WESTERN AVONDALE - 2
Bumbum 31’
Morales 87’

Second Leg: Western Avondale vs FC Pedra Branca @ Shiite Stadium, Avondale

Western Avondale (3-4-3): Angry; Kane - Kerr (▮ 54’) (James 74’) - Fart (▮ 38’); Gore - Idiot (▮ 78’) - Fagan (Boote 61’) - Glover; Bennett - Shat - Morales (Pollard 89’)

FC Pedra Branca: Unknown

AVONDALE, SYLESTONE - Well, that was a surprise. In simple terms, Western Avondale got completely done. With Jesse Ross on suspension due to his red card in the first leg and an injury to Poopoo Bumbum which put him out of this game, Western Avondale were nowhere near where they needed to be at for this match and despite having the home advantage, had to be called underdogs for this particular game.

The scoreline reflected that. Right from the first minute to the last, Pedra Branca dominated. Western Avondale’s meek defence succeeded in holding them off for a little while, but in the end, a penalty in the 40th minute following a booking to Old Fart and a powerful shot in the 67th minute sealed Pedra Branca’s victory.

It meant that Sylestone were already down to two sides in the Liga B Champions Trophy. They would both come in in the second preliminary round and considering their opponents were clubs from the Whirl Islands and Kohnhead, it did not look good.

WESTERN AVONDALE - 0

FC PEDRA BRANCA - 2
Player 40’ (p)
Player 67’

Second Preliminary Round: (SYL) AFC Droves - Lagoon Crocodiles (WRL)

First Leg: AFC Droves vs Lagoon Crocodiles @ Burger Oval, Betham

AFC Droves (5-2-1-2): Kriz (ZRH); Mee - Vijay (Ackers 88’) - Gilbert (Hove 58’) - Isobar - Wood; Wilson (▮ 27’) - Barnett (Hayes 70’); McNeil; R Strathfield - E Strathfield

Lagoon Crocodiles: Unknown

BETHAM, SYLESTONE - AFC Droves have kicked off their IFCF career with a 1-1 draw against Lagoon Crocodiles, the second-placed side in the Whirl Islands’ second division. It was an impressive performance from the Betham side, with the Whirl Islands being one of the more famous nations out there in the sporting multiverse, although their heyday seems likely to be over. Yet, a 1-1 draw is certainly an achievement from a side playing in their first-ever IFCF game.

From the outset, AFC Droves were dominant, although as the first half wore on, the Crocodiles began to fight back. Evan Strathfield had a prime opportunity to score in the 14th minute of the match, but the Lagoon goalkeeper predicted his shot and somehow succeeded in pushing the powerful shot past the left post. The Crocodiles’ best chance came in the 40th minute, when a pass from James Isobar to Jai Vijay was intercepted by the Lagoon forward, but with three defenders surrounding him, the shot was rushed as it missed the far right post, if only by a matter of inches.

It was Riley Strathfield of AFC Droves, though, who would open the scoring. The young forward received a through ball from Koby McNeil, widely regarded as one of the best players in the side, and slotted it home, much to the delight of the home crowd.

However, the lead would not last long, with left-back Charlotte Mee getting a bit aggressive in the penalty area in the 74th minute, earning the Crocodiles a penalty, one of which they did not miss after Droves’ keeper Marko Kriz dived the wrong way. The home sides’ moment of joy was over as the Whirl Islands side took the advantage.

With the score at 1-1 when the final whistle was blown, the Lagoon Crocodiles took a slight advantage heading into the second leg, being at home and with a possible advantage on away goals, although the Bethamites were certainly nowhere near out of it just yet. Intriguing.

AFC DROVES - 1
R Strathfield 68’

LAGOON CROCODILES - 1
Player 75’ (p)

Second Leg: Lagoon Crocodiles vs AFC Droves @ Lagoon Road, Lagoon Town

Lagoon Crocodiles: Unknown

AFC Droves (5-2-1-2): Kriz (ZRH); Mee - Ackers (▮ 55’) - Gilbert - Williams - Thompson (Wood 67’); Wilson (Knight 95’) - Hayes (▮ 23’); McNeil; R Strathfield (Kane 109’) - E Strathfield (▮ 118’)

LAGOON TOWN, WHIRL ISLANDS - It took 120 minutes to confirm a result, but in the end, AFC Droves came out on top with a 2-1 win after a Koby McNeil goal in the 102nd minute sealed the victory.

Like in the first game, it was the Sylestonean side who opened the scoring. A corner from Eloise Hayes was deflected out of the box, right to where Charlotte Mee was standing a few metres outside of the box. She immediately took the opportunity to make use of the ensuing mayhem, curling the ball around the Crocodiles’ defenders, out of sight of the goalkeeper. As a result, the Lagoon goalkeeper did not have the time to stop the shot as the Droves went 1-0 up.

It remained that way until just after half-time, when a free-kick was deflected over Kriz’s head and into the goal off a Lagoon midfielder’s head, equalising the scores, both for the game and on aggregate. With 42 minutes to go, another goal had to be scored if the game wasn’t to go to extra time.

It didn’t happen. When the whistle at full time blew, the aggregate score was deadlocked 2-2, with two 1-1 draws taking place across the two legs. Now, if the game wasn’t going to go to penalties, a goal had to be scored within the next 30 minutes.

It happened twelve minutes in. Koby McNeil, AFC Droves’ attacking midfielder, received the ball from Hamish Williams on the edge of the box and with a powerful strike, aimed for the far post of the goal, just out of the Crocodiles’ goalkeeper’s reach. It was a perfect shot, as it curled back in, skimmed the inside of post, and hit the back of the net. AFC Droves had taken the lead.

It would be an unassailable one, too. The Lagoon Crocodiles of the Whirl Islands just could not break through once again as they fell to a surprisingly 3-2 aggregate loss to the Poo League’s second-placed team. But with an Eastfield Lodge standing in between them and the playoff rounds, a defeat looked likely.

LAGOON CROCODILES - 1
Player 48’

AFC DROVES - 1
Mee 11’
McNeil 102’

Second Preliminary Round: (SYL) Katham FC - Philtront Pioneers (KND)

First Leg: Katham FC vs Philtront Pioneers @ Katham Oval, Katham

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Hambleton - Hunt (▮ 69’) - Bird - C Wright - Thacker (▮ 38’) (Andrade 72’); Tupper (Bay 76’) - Turnbull; Harris (▮ 50’); Bennett (G Wright 83’) - Summer

Philtront Pioneers (4-2-1-3): Ford; Fried - Scranton (▮ 34’) - Addams (Copeland 79’) - Grainger-Fox; Hale (Lovell 79’) - Rooster (▮ 48’); Flynn; Thompson - Davis - Bauer (Dickson 85’)

KATHAM, SYLESTONE - Katham FC and Philtront Pioneers have fought out an evenly-matched draw to kick off their respective Liga B Champions Trophy campaigns. Both sides played well, but neither could really eke out any advantage, as the game ended with a 1-1 draw.

For the majority of the first half, Philtront were slightly the better side, if only just. Their passing was just a little better and their forwards were more on the ball, while Kerry Bennett and Philip Summer just hung back a wee bit too much. However, they could not break through until the final minute of stoppage time, where a through ball from Carly Thompson was received by Jamaal Davis, who shot for goal. But Damming Malmurchi had come out of the goalmouth and blocked the ball, sending it spiralling away. But it went straight to Thompson and in front of an open goal, she did not miss.

The lead did not last for long after half time, though. If the first half was dominated by the Pioneers, Katham dominated the second half, although only just. Their midfield line, despite having only three players, began to work well together in harmony, which lead to a goal from the recently-capped Amelia Turnbull to equalise. From then on, neither side was able to score again as Philtront took the home advantage into the second leg.

KATHAM FC - 1
Turnbull 56’

PHILTRONT PIONEERS - 1
Thompson 45+3’

Second Leg: Philtront Pioneers vs Katham FC @ Anthony M Delva Stadium, Philtront

Philtront Pioneers (4-2-1-3): Ford; Fried (Copeland 88’) - Scranton - Addams (▮ 44’) - Grainger-Fox; Hale - Rooster; Flynn (Lovell 81’) - Thompson - Davis (Dickson 78’) - Bauer

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Hambleton (Cross 80’) - Wallace - Bird - C Wright - Andrade; Tupper (Bay 42’) - Turnbull; Harris (Welch 62’); Bennett (▮ 85’) - Summer

PHILTRONT, KOHNHEAD - Despite only managing a draw at home, Katham FC brought out their best in the second, away leg in Philtront, Kohnhead in front of an admittedly shocked home crowd. They had known the quality of the team they faced, but they had also believed that the home crowd advantage would be too much for the Sylestoneans. It was not to be.

Philip Summer scored the opening, and only, goal of the match in just the eighth minute when a chip from Amelia Turnbull found his feet on the volley. However, with Newt Scranton just a step behind the Katham forward, he took the risk and took the shot with his first touch, volleying it to the right of a diving Angelina Ford to open the scoring.

Following this, Katham proceeded to play all-out defensively, something which was against their typical personality, despite having a five-strong defensive lineup. Half-time passed without any more goals scored and despite the Pioneers continuing to press the Katham defence, they could not break through. And with that 1-0 away win to back up the 1-1 draw in the first leg, the underdogs had progressed to the third preliminary round of the 7th IFCF Liga B Champions Trophy. But when the draw was announced for that round and the Sylestonean side drew Riis, the Pasargan SuperLiga 2 third-placers, they knew it.

Katham were fucked.

PHILTRONT PIONEERS - 0

KATHAM FC - 1
Summer 8’

Third Preliminary Round: (PAS) Riis - Katham FC (SYL)

First Leg: Riis vs Katham FC @ Majestic Park, Targas

Riis (4-2-4): Furst; Orosz (▮ 45’) (Ziegler 80’) - Makkai - Lantos (▮ 20’) - Kun; Huszár - Vég; Igras (SRS) (Szakáll 87’) - Kasza (▮ 66’) - Saári (Szél 73’) - Rigó

Katham FC: Malmurchi (KOR); Hambleton - Wallace - Bird (Peel 62’) - C Wright - Andrade (Thacker 78’); Tupper (Bay 85’) - Turnbull; Harris (▮ 90+2); Bennett - Ortega

TARGAS, PASARGA - Wow. Katham FC may have turned a few heads when they were able to take down the Philtront Pioneers of Kohnhead, but they really showed the multiverse that they were a side to beat with a 3-2 win away from home against Riis, the third-placed side in the SuperLiga 2, the Pasargan second division.

Riis were certainly the better side for the entire game, as you would expect from a side from the 16th-ranked association in the multiverse when they were up against a nation still ranked well into the 80s. Kereshaspa Igras, the only overseas player in the Pasargan side, opened the scoring in the 19th minute after finally breaking through the Katham defence and slotting home a powerful strike despite the best efforts of Katham defender Clemency Wright, who made him seriously think about what he was going to do.

The lead, however, did not last long. A cross from star midfielder Amelia Turnbull landed at the feet of Clarence Harris, who deflected the ball up the line to Earleen Tupper. Tupper may not be one of the best players in the Katham FC side, but today she was in possession of some serious ball skills, dribbling past Anci Orosz and Bence Lantos before shooting past Barbara Furst to equalise the scores.

Riis didn’t like this. Almost immediately, they launched a counter-attack on the Katham defence, with Mozes Rigó receiving the ball in front of an open goal after a shot from Igras was deflected back out into play. Damming Malmurchi dived, but could only get his fingertips to the controlled shot as the Pasargan side immediately stole the lead back. And deservedly, too.

For the remainder of the first half and the first half of the second half, Katham were able to keep the Riis forward line at bay despite continuously threatening them with a series of aggressive offensive moves. Finally, in the 71st minute, a bad touch from Rigó after receiving a pass from the midfield was controlled by Katham left-back Quincy Hambleton, who cleared the ball up the field to where Clarence Harris was, pushing the offside of the Riis defensive line. The ball flew over his head, but he was able to control it as he sprinted through the gap presented by the two Pasargan centre-backs and drilled it past Furst to score against the run of play.

But it didn’t stop there. Riis continued to utterly dominate, but Katham were still able to make the most of their chances. The Pasargan side must have had at least five solid opportunities to score during the fifteen minutes after the equaliser, but Katham’s first was the one that separated the two teams. Marshall Ortega was able to slot home a chip over Furst’s head from Kerry Bennett, giving Katham an unlikely lead heading into the second leg. They’d done it once; could they do it again?

RIIS - 2
Igras 19’
Rigó 32’

KATHAM FC - 3
Tupper 29’
Harris 71’
Ortega 88’

Second Leg: Katham FC vs Riis @ Katham Oval, Katham

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Hambleton (Cross 65’) - Hunt (▮ 76’) - Bird - C Wright - Thacker (Andrade 77’); Tupper - Turnbull; Harris (Welch 82’); Summer (▮ 51’) - G Wright

Riis (4-2-4): Furst; Orosz (Ziegler 84’) - Makkai - Lantos - Kun (▮ 89’); Huszár - Vég; Szakáll (Igras (SRS) 52’) - Kasza - Szél (Saári 77’) - Rigó

KATHAM, SYLESTONE - Katham have done it. In front of an adoring home crowd, the Poo League champions were able to successfully hold off a determined Riis with a 1-1 draw, despite the Pasargan side dominating for the vast majority of the game. Yet, the Katham defence were able to hold their own, only letting a single goal despite there being opportunity for a fair few more.

The said goal occurred in the 44th minute, just when the half was winding down. Aside from the first fifteen or so minutes, Riis had been dominant, banking themselves in the home side’s half for effectively the entire final half hour of the half. They had deserved a goal on multiple occasions, but in the 44th minute when Katham were just trying to get out of the half unscathed, Pisti Szél received a long ball from Elek Vég, which he promptly slotted home over the head of a diving Damming Malmurchi.

The Pasargan side’s domination continued after half-time, although Katham’s defence continued to remain strong against their foes. In the 65th minute, a Gilbert Wright header off a cross from Judy Thacker was too much for Barbara Furst as Katham equalised, meaning that Riis would have 25 minutes to score two more goals to overcome an away goals deficit and progress to the playoff round of the seventh Liga B Champions Trophy. Time was running out; was the impossible about to happen?

Yes. The eventual 1-1 draw secured Katham FC’s progression into the playoff round of the IFCF. But their task was just as difficult as the one they had just overcome. For the Sherwood Forest Ladies of Baker Park stood in their way of the Liga B Champions Trophy group stage. Katham are now the fifth Sylestonean side to make the playoffs of this particular competition, but none has ever made the group stage. Would Katham continue the curse, or could they finally break through?

KATHAM FC - 1
G Wright 65’

RIIS - 1
Szél 44’

Third Preliminary Round: (SYL) AFC Droves - Xilon OC (EFL)

First Leg: AFC Droves vs Xilon OC @ Burger Oval, Betham

AFC Droves (5-2-1-2): Kriz (ZRH); Mee - Vijay (▮ 81’) - Hove (Gilbert 78’) - Isobar - Thompson (▮ 61’); Knight (Wilson 72’) - Barnett; McNeil; R Strathfield - E Strathfield (▮ 35’) (Robinson 83’)

Xilon OC (4-2-1-3): Gilleran; Afzal (▮ 17’) - Fetzer-Poulain (Abood 77’) - J Hebburn - Duff-Hamid; Conner (▮ 66’) - Speed; Sani; Brembes-Barrel - Laver - Descombes (de Longi-Andrews 86’)

BETHAM, SYLESTONE - If Katham FC felt hard done by after drawing Riis in the third preliminary round of the Liga B Champions Trophy, imagine how AFC Droves felt after drawing Xilon OC from Eastfield Lodge. I’d say pretty shit.

Yet, the fact that they still succeeded in coming away with a 2-1 win from the first leg, at home in Burger Stadium, was absolutely uncalled for. In short, it shocked a fair chunk of the sporting world, especially the fans of the two sides involved. Droves played well, and Xilon didn’t. As a result, the former won.

17-year-old Riley Strathfield was simply on fire. He was able to break through the Xilon defensive line not once but twice in the first 25 minutes, scoring on each attempt to give the home team a 2-0 lead, much to the liking of the crowd. However, through an assist from Janelle Brembes-Barrel and a finish from Takia Speed, Xilon shot back soon after to only give the Droves a 2-1 lead at the break.

After half-time, though, both side’s defences were shored up as holes were plugged and all of a sudden, after a first-half spree, neither side could break through. Xilon continued to get more and more frustrated, but in the end, they could not score despite having near misses on a fair few occasions, especially towards the end of the game. AFC Droves had, somehow, taken a lead heading into the second leg in Eastfield Lodge. Could they pull a Katham and hang onto it?

AFC DROVES - 2
R Strathfield 8’, 22’

XILON OC - 1
Speed 34’

Second Leg: Xilon OC vs AFC Droves @ Verona Park, Xilon

Xilon OC (4-2-1-3): Gilleran; Heaton - J Hebburn (▮ 67’) - Abood (Fetzer-Poulain 66’) - Duff-Hamid; D Hebburn (Conner 71’) - Speed; Sani; Brembes-Barrel - Laver - Descombes (de Longi-Andrews 85’)

AFC Droves (5-2-1-2; 4-3-1-2): Jameson; Mee (▮ 59’) - Vijay - Hove (Black 76’) - Williams (Isobar 74’) - Thompson; Wilson - Hayes (▮ 11’) (Barnett 85’); McNeil (▮ 18’); R Strathfield - Kane

XILON, EASTFIELD LODGE - Heading into the game with a highly improbable 2-1 home win over Xilon OC of Eastfield Lodge, AFC Droves knew that they would have their work cut out in order to maintain that lead and progress to the playoff rounds. They tried, but in the end, Xilon were far too good for the Poo League runners-up as they romped to a 5-1 win.

The first half was actually reasonably close; the Droves defence remained tidy and it was only through a mishap from Jai Vijay that allowed Descombes to put Xilon 1-0 up by half-time.

It was after half-time that all hell broke loose. In the 59th minute of the match, AFC Droves’ star defender Charlotte Mee was red-carded just outside the box as the resulting free kick was deflected by Sani past Timothy Jameson into the back of the net. Six minutes later, the same attacking midfielder succeeded in converting a penalty kick into a goal as Xilon took a 3-0 lead. Droves would now have to do something pretty drastic to bring this back.

But it continued to worsen. In the 79th minute, just three minutes after AFC Droves transferred from a 5-2-1-2 formation to a 4-2-2-2, Laver put Xilon 4-0 up and essentially put the Bethamites out of contention for a spot in the playoff round. Despite a Rose Kane goal in the 81st minute, a deflection from Flynn Thompson ensured that Xilon OC would score their fifth goal, finish the game off with a 5-1 win and a 6-3 aggregate victory in order to progress to the playoff round of the Liga B Champions Trophy. As for AFC Droves, they had overcome the Lagoon Crocodiles of Whirl Islands, but Eastfield Lodge was just one step too far for them.

XILON OC - 5
Descombes 25’
Sani 59’, 65’ (p)
Laver 79’
Thompson 89’ (OG)

AFC DROVES - 1
Kane 81’

Playoff Round: (CBP) Sherwood Forest Ladies FC - Katham FC (SYL)

First Leg: Sherwood Forest Ladies FC vs Katham FC @ Frederick Arbor Park, Frederickstown

Sherwood Forest Ladies FC: McCormick; Bruce (▮ 70’) - Mugabe (BNJ) - Unknown - Unknown; Kashiwazaki (HIN) - Ji (QUE) - Unknown; West - Craig - Unknown

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Wyndham; Cross (Hambleton 65’) - Hunt (▮ 53’) - Peel (Bird 60’ (▮ 69’) - C Wright - Andrade; Tupper - Turnbull (Morgan 85’); Harris; Bennett (▮ 18’) - Summer (▮ 26’)

FREDRICKSTOWN, COMMONWEALTH OF BAKER PARK - Katham FC have kept the Sherwood Forest Ladies to a 4-4 draw in Frederickstown, Baker Park, despite the home team having four players in the Baker Park national football team, ranked within the top 10 in the world. So for a side whose only real player of note is midfielder Amelia Turnbull, it’s a very impressive achievement.

It was even more impressive considering that they were 2-0 down at half-time, with two goals to Ayana West spelling trouble for the Poo League champions. They would need something quick to turn their fortunes around. But little was anyone prepared for the hectic second half around the corner.

Just two minutes in, Kerry Bennett broke through the Sherwood Forest defence to put Katham back a goal, but Hinodejin midfielder Rena Kashiwazaki ensured that the side from Baker Park would maintain a two-goal lead. Amelia Turnbull had other ideas, though, with a brilliant shot capping off a wonderful, carefree run to put the scoreline at 3-2 only 55 minutes in, including three goals in the past ten minutes. Things really were spicing up.

However, ten minutes later, West slotted a penalty home past Damming Malmurchi to put Sherwood Forest 4-2 up, a nearly unassailable lead with only 25 minutes remaining in the match.

But Katham refused to give up. They gave the game it all, but they were running out of oomph. Substitutions began to take place, including Turnbull in the 85th minute when all seemed lost. However, Philip Summer gave the Sylestonean side a faint glimmer of hope in the 87th with a banger of a shot, just a little too good for goalkeeper Rose McCormick. Katham were not out of this just yet. If they could score just one more goal, they would have a significant away goals advantage heading into the second leg at home.

And so they did. It came off the boot of Quincy Hambleton two minutes into stoppage time, directly off a corner from Earleen Tupper. The final result was somehow a 4-4 draw, despite the away team being down by two goals for the vast majority of the match. But strange things happen in football and all of a sudden, Katham have a small, just a small, chance of making the group stage of the Liga B Champions Trophy.

SHERWOOD FOREST LADIES FC - 4
West 24’, 38’, 65’ (p)
Kashiwazaki 50’

KATHAM FC - 4
Bennett 47’
Turnbull 55’
Summer 87’
Hambleton 90+2’

Second Leg: Katham FC vs Sherwood Forest Ladies FC @ Katham Oval, Katham

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Hambleton (▮ 48’) - Hunt (Wallace 80’) - Peel - Clatcher (▮ 70’) - Andrade; Tupper (▮ 23’) (▮ 90+1’) - Turnbull; Harris (Welch 45’); Bennett (Ortega 84’) - Summer (▮ 5’)

Sherwood Forest Ladies FC: McCormick; Bruce - Mugabe (BNJ) - Unknown - Unknown; Kashiwazaki (HIN) - Ji (QUE) - Unknown; West - Craig - Unknown

KATHAM, SYLESTONE - Neither game may have been able to bring a result, but in the end, the away goals rule has ensured that Katham FC will progress to the group stage of the Liga B Champions Trophy after five attempts from Sylestonean clubs. In the end, the game was drawn 1-1 after two second-half goals and some good defending from the home side, where every positive move after their single goal in the 51st minute brought a massive cheer from the capacity crowd at Katham Oval. Yet, that was nothing compared to what happened when the final whistle was blown.

The first half was eventful, with opportunities coming for both sides, but neither could break through as the game went into the break with the scoreline at 0-0. However, Autumn Welch, substituted onto the field for Clarence Harris during half-time, immediately changed that. In the 51st minute, she slotted home a pass from the edge of the box to give the home side an unlikely 1-0 lead, turning the hopes all Sylestonean football fans had from a spark to a supernova. But with 40 minutes left, two goals to a seemingly superior Sherwood Forest Ladies side was not out of the question.

In the 67th minute, though, Alicia Craig equalised and kept Sherwood Forest’s hopes alive with a banger of a shot from the edge of the box off the outside of her boot. Damming Malmurchi may be one of the best goalkeepers in Sylestone, but even he was not good enough to save a shot of this quality. The game was still alive.

But Katham held on. Every successful tackle that was made was met with a cheer, every breakthrough was encouraged by a screaming stadium. Yet, the clamour that occurred when the draw was finalised was nothing compared to this. The away goals rule might not exist in the SFA Cup, but here it does. And that’s what matters.

The result meant that Katham had progressed through to the group stage of the 7th IFCF Liga B Champions Trophy, where they would be up against Rydar Draijagrad from Siovanija and Teusland, Guilder from Brenecia and Dereapolis City from Krytenia. As by far the weakest team there, Katham would have to work extremely hard to even get a single point.

KATHAM FC - 1
Welch 51’

SHERWOOD FOREST LADIES FC - 1
Craig 67’

Group Stage Matchday One: (SYL) Katham FC - Dereapolis City (KRY)

Home Leg: Katham FC vs Dereapolis City @ Katham Oval, Katham

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Hambleton - Wallace - Peel (▮ 45+4’) - C Wright - Thacker (Andrade 62’); Bay - Turnbull; Welch (Harris 53’); G Wright (Bennett 82’) - Summer (▮ 76’)

Dereapolis City: Kavanagh; Sims (Adams 57’) - Sands - Martyn - Andrews; Greene - Kennedy (McCain 79’) - Tatchell; Hayes - Orange (Curtis 72’) - Silverman (▮ 38’)

KATHAM, SYLESTONE - Katham FC came close to pulling off a massive upset against the Krytenian Division One champions, coming back from a 2-0 deficit with a burst in the final 20 minutes of the match, scoring a late goal before continually pressing the Dereapolis City defensive line. However, no matter how hard they tried, the Sylestonean club could not break through once again as they were condemned to a 2-1 home loss. Expected, but still disappointing.

From the outset, Dereapolis City dominated, with the Krytenian side continuously pushing at the Katham defence, forcing them further back towards their own goal. In the end, it was Manfred Tatchell in the twelfth minute of the match who sealed the goal, with a pass out of the box from Aaron Hayes wrong-footing Sean Wallace in defence hitting the right-midfielder’s left-boot before the shot curled over the heads of the Katham defence, too high for Damming Malmurchi before plummeting into the back of the net, putting Dereapolis 1-0 up.

After the goal, Katham’s defence held itself together until half-time, albeit only by the skin on their teeth. Such was the ferocity that Dereapolis City played with; at no point were the Poo League champions able to really relax as Hayes, Dennis Orange and Stuart Silverman all continued to push them to their absolute limits. Finally, nearly an hour after the opener, Dereapolis City went 2-0 up in the 63rd minute with a successful penalty to Dennis Orange essentially putting all of Katham’s hopes at rest.

However, the home side did not give up. The crowd continued to spur them on as they began to finally grab hold of play and work it to their advantage. However, time was running out, and something needed to be done, and quickly. Yet, when Clarence Harris scored in the 85th minute of the match, the Sylestonean side’s hopes of taking a point out of the match remained well and truly alive with ten minutes still to play.

Katham couldn’t do it, though. No matter how hard their forwards tried, they could not net another ball as Dereapolis City began their group stage campaign on a good note, although only just beating an association ranked in the 80s is something of a concern. However, if they can defeat quality clubs from Pasarga and the Commonwealth of Baker Park, you have to expect them to be at least a little bit good, right?

KATHAM FC - 1
Harris 85’

DEREAPOLIS CITY - 2
Tatchell 12’
Orange 63’ (p)

Group Stage Matchday Two: (STL) Rudar Draijagrad - Katham FC (SYL)

Away Leg: Rudar Draijagrad vs Katham FC @ Stadion Draija, Draijagrad

Rudar Draijagrad (4-3-3): Marek; Jaros - Jezek - Bartos - Misalko (▮ 37’); Zak - Kral - Varianov; Broz (▮ 66’) - Ziegenhorn (NPH) - Dvorak

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Cross (Hambleton 60’ (▮ 86’)) - Hunt - Peel - C Wright (▮ 29’) (Clatcher 82’) - Andrade (▮ 46’); Bay - Turnbull (▮ 55’); Harris; Bennett (▮ 9’) - G Wright (Summer 60’)

DRAIJAGRAD, SIOVANIJA AND TEUSLAND - Following a spirited performance against Dereapolis City of Krytenia, Katham FC went even better with a stunning 2-0 victory over Rudar Draijagrad of Siovanija and Teusland, ranked just outside the top ten in terms of best club football associations in the multiverse. So to defeat the third-placed finisher in the 2. Republikaliga on home soil was a distinctively commendable achievement from the Poo League champions. If you were being incredibly modest.

From the first moment to the last, the Sylestoneans dominated, keeping the home side at bay while scoring two goals of their own. After an early flurry from Rudar Draijagrad, Amelia Turnbull struck home with a shot from near the corner post; possibly one of the best goals she had ever scored in her career. It was perfectly executed, with all four Draijagrad defenders caught completely off guard as they looked to defend what appeared to be a cross into the box. Goalkeeper Herman Marek theoretically could have saved the shot, but he wasn’t in the correct position as the underdogs went 1-0 up.

For almost the remainder of the match, neither side was really able to get much of an advantage over their opponents, although you could sense that Katham FC were just waiting for a mistake from the home side and the favourites for the match. In the 79th minute, this is exactly what happened. Kazimir Jezek messed up a touch and let Philip Summer, putting on a burst of speed, run headlong towards goal. He moved towards his right post and although he had a prime opportunity to score, he passed the ball back to Kerry Bennett in a heap of free space, who, in front of an open goal, did not miss. Katham had taken a 2-0 lead.

When the full-time whistle blew, the Poo League champions had jumped up to second place with a positive goal difference, with every team in Group E with a win and a loss respectively. This could well get interesting, and fast.

RUDAR DRAIJAGRAD - 0

KATHAM FC - 2
Turnbull 35’
Bennett 79’

Group Stage Matchday Three: (SYL) Katham FC - Guilder (BRE)

Home Leg: Katham FC vs Guilder @ Katham Oval, Katham

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Baxter; Hambleton - Hunt (▮ 90+2’) - Bird - C Wright - Andrade (Thacker 67’); Bay (▮ 56’) - Turnbull; Welch (Harris 84’); Bennett (G Wright 76’) - Ortega

Guilder (4-2-3-1): Sivitri (SRS); Brink (FFD) (▮ 73’) - Killen (Pentakota (COS) 83’) - Giribaldi (SVG) - Soler (HIN); Usano (ASG) - Kandadija (FFD) (▮ 15’); Fischer - Pent (Llewelyn 75’) - Sheen; Rizzari (COS)

KATHAM, SYLESTONE - Following a shock 2-0 victory away from home against Rudar Draijagrad, Brenecian champions Guilder gave Katham FC a reality check with a 3-0 thumping in front of a disappointed home crowd, expecting another intense game from the upstarts. But no, Guilder were just a bit too good for Katham as they dropped back down into fourth place at the end of the first half of the group stage with three points.

From the first to last moment, Katham barely got a look in. Throughout the entirety of the game, they must have only had one legitimate chance at goal, with a brilliant run from Clemency Wright in the 56th minute led to a brilliant save from Helaia Sivitri after a goalward shot from Marshall Ortega.

Katham may have a five-strong defensive line, but even that was not enough to stop a rampant Guilder midfield line, with two goals to lone striker Villanelle Rizzari, from Cosumar, in the first half essentially put Katham out of the game. They still tried, but in the end, one last goal to Dirk Fischer in the 83rd minute of the match sealed a 3-0 victory. Finally, someone had successfully managed to put the upstarts back in their box.

KATHAM FC - 0

GUILDER - 3
Rizzari 25’, 36’
Fischer 83’

Group Stage Matchday Four: (BRE) Guilder - Katham FC (SYL)

Away Leg: Guilder vs Katham FC @ Gardengate, Guilder

Guilder (4-2-3-1): Sivitri (SRS); Brink (FFD) - Pentakota (COS) (Killen 69’) - Giribaldi (SVG) - Soler (HIN); Usano (ASG) (▮ 72’) - Kandadija (FFD); Fischer - Pent (Llewelyn 87’) - Sheen; Rizzari (COS)

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Cross - Wallace - Peel (Bird 75’) - C Wright - Thacker; Tupper (Bay 79’ (▮ 80’)) - Turnbull (▮ 20’); Harris; Bennett - Summer (Ortega 88’)

GUILDER, BRENECIA - Katham FC were able to bounce back from their 3-0 loss at home to Guilder the previous matchday, but it was not enough to take a point out of the match in an eventual 2-1 loss. For the first half hour or so, the game was surprisingly equal and included a goal to the away side, but Guilder began to dominate for a time after that and eventually came out of the game with another three points.

Interestingly, it was the Sylestonean club who scored the first goal, in just the eleventh minute of the match. Amelia Turnbull took the ball up the right midfield but instead of crossing it into the box, she struck it over the heads of the defence to Isabella Cross, the left wingback unmarked on the left wing. She took a touch, controlling the ball and shot for goal, the ball bursting through Helaia Sivitri’s hands and bouncing into the goal.

However, the lead would not last long, with the 24th minute presenting itself with a goal to Astograthian midfielder Ide Usano in order to equalise. After this moment, the Brenecian club began to put the foot down, but Katham were able to hang on.

Until the 60th minute. A corner from Dirk Fischer found the head of centre-back Alessia Giribaldi and proved a tad too good for Damming Malmurchi as Guilder took the advantage, moving themselves to the top of the Group E table. And there they stayed for the final half hour of football.

In order to qualify now, Katham FC had to beat both Dereapolis City and Rudar Draijagrad, both possible considering the results of the first round, as well as relying on a Guilder victory over the Krytenian club. All is possible, but extremely unlikely.

GUILDER - 2
Usano 24’
Giribaldi 60’

KATHAM FC - 1
Cross 11’

Group Stage Matchday Five: (KRY) Dereapolis City - Katham FC (SYL)

Away Leg: Dereapolis City vs Katham FC @ County Ground, Dereapolis

Dereapolis City (4-3-3): Kavanagh; Sims (▮ 64’) - Martin - King (Keating 72’) - Andrews; Greene - McCain (Kennedy 45’) - Smalling (▮ 29’); Roberts - Orange - Hayes (▮ 52’) (Curtis 83’)

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Malmurchi (KOR); Hambleton - Hunt (Wallace 71’) - Bird - Clatcher - Thacker; Tupper (Bay 89’) - Turnbull; Welch (Harris 76’ (▮ 90’)); G Wright (▮ 35’) - Summer

DEREAPOLIS, KRYTENIA - Katham FC have been eliminated from the Liga B Champions Trophy group stage with a solid 3-0 thumping at the County Ground in Dereapolis Krytenia. While it isn’t unexpected, it still hurt for the players in burgundy and the entire nation of Sylestone, while at the same time home fans in Krytenia celebrated their sides’ assured progression to the round of 16, giving themselves a slim chance of taking home the title.

The leg at Katham Oval had a fair chunk of intensity added to the match, but this time Dereapolis City could make no mistake, putting three goals past a five-strong defensive line and poor Damming Malmurchi, getting increasingly frustrated at his team’s lacklustre performance. The Sylestonean club held on until the second half, but three quick goals to Mark Greene, Dennis Orange and Jordan Smalling respectively sealed the 3-0 victory for the Krytenians.

Katham FC’s final game of the Liga B Champions Trophy will be against Rudar Draijagrad on home soil, the club from Siovanija and Teusland still being the only side Katham have taken points off, in the form of a 2-0 victory in front of a stunned home crowd. A draw or loss will confine the Poo League champions to a fourth-placed finish, but a victory would give a bit of respectability to the final table.

DEREAPOLIS CITY - 3
Greene 55’
Orange 61’
Smalling 74’

KATHAM FC - 0

Group Stage Matchday Six: (SYL) Katham FC - Rudar Draijagrad (STL)

Home Leg: Katham FC vs Rudar Draijagrad @ Katham Oval, Katham

Katham FC (5-2-1-2): Wyndham; Hambleton (Cross 80’) - Wallace (▮ 24’) (Hunt 57’ (▮ 89’)) - Bird - C Wright (▮ 44’) - Thacker (Andrade 76’); Tupper - Turnbull; Harris (▮ 6’); Bennett - Summer

Rudar Draijagrad (4-3-3): Marek; Jaros - Jezek - Bartos (▮ 42’) - Misalko; Zak - Kral - Varianov; Broz - Ziegenhorn (NPH) - Dvorak

KATHAM, SYLESTONE - Out of the 11 Liga B Champions Trophy games Katham have played so far in this IFCF, Damming Malmurchi, the Ko-orenite goalkeeper, has kept in nine of them. He had played so well, but really deserves a break from it all. So it was that Sybil Wyndham would take over the gloves for the final group stage match against Rudar Draijagrad. Surely it wouldn’t make that much of a difference.

Inside the first 70 minutes, the club from Siovanija and Teusland was able to put five goals past the poor goalkeeper. A few seasons back, she may have been the starting keeper for the Poo League champions, but in recent years her abilities have dwindled. Three first-half goals to Draijagrad essentially sealed the victory from the outset, but two more lengthened the lead to 5-0. Two late goals to Kerry Bennett brought about a tad of respectability ot the scoreline, but fuck. 5-2.

Rudar Draijagrad, though, wholeheartedly deserved the victory. On the day, Katham FC just could not hit their best as the side from Siovanija and Teusland routed them, ensuring they would finish in third place in Group E. But for now, they had the Toilet League to look forward to. And who knows how far they could go there?

KATHAM FC - 2
Bennett 76’, 87’ (p)

RUDAR DRAIJAGRAD - 5
Varianov 13’
Ziegenhorn 19’, 56’ (p), 70’
Dvorak 42’

Preliminary Round: (SYL) Kirkham Appliances - Fligsive FC (EOT)

First Leg: Kirkham Appliances vs Fligsive FC @ Sentient Oval, Kirkham

Kirkham Appliances (5-4-1): Oven; Ironing Board (▮ 34’) - Microwave - Television (Water Heater 74’) - Egg timer (▮ 81’) - Boiler; Alarm Clock (Soap 59’) - Air Conditioner - Coffee Maker (▮ 69’) - Telephone; Heater

Fligsive FC (4-1-2-1-2): Barton; Manning (KSK) - Kennedy (EUR) - Powell-Price (ETN) - Munoz (▮ 13’) (VAL) (Ream 87’); Jenkins (EUR); Peto (PAS) - Crowther (BRE) (Little 75’); Chadwick (Galla (EFL) 75’); Fox (EUR) - Duffy (▮ 67’)

KIRKHAM, SYLESTONE - Fligsive FC, the top club in the Euran Oceanic Territories and once one of the best clubs in the UICA while they were with Mertagne, may have fallen a bit over the past couple of decades, but they were still certainly good enough to take care of Kirkham Appliances, the SFA Cup winners, by three goals to nil. It was a dominant display from the away side, leaving the Appliances with a massive mountain to climb in order to make the first round proper.

The two Fligsive goals came in the first half, with Morgan Fox providing the first, following an assist from Tom Duffy which split the Kirkham defence in two with a brilliant long ball into the box in the 15th minute. The second came from a free kick in the 36th minute, with a header from Vanorian defender Aucan Munoz sealing a second goal with still nearly an hour to play. A smashing certainly seemed to be on the cards.

But no. Kirkham Appliances held on until half-time before rejuvenating themselves at the break, fixing their mistakes and proceeding to challenge Fligsive right to the very end of play. In the 76th minute, the Heater failed to put away a prime opportunity for goal, flinging a powerful volley into the hands of the aging Tammy Barton, who was still able to keep the strike out through pure reflexes.

A poor first half meant that Kirkham Appliances now had the huge task of chasing down a two goal deficit to progress just one round. A tough challenge, but it had been done before. Only time will tell whether Kirkham could join that elite group.

KIRKHAM APPLIANCES - 0

FLIGSIVE FC - 2
Duffy 15’
Munoz 36’

Away Leg: Fligsive FC vs Kirkham Appliances @ Flynn Arena, Fligsive

Fligsive FC (4-4-2): Barton; Manning - Powell-Price (ETN) (▮ 84’) - Kennedy (EUR) - Munoz (VAL); Valeska (BRE) (Jenkins 53’); Peto (PAS) - Crowther (BRE) (Little 81’); Galla (EFL) (Chadwick 81’); Duffy - Fox

Kirkham Appliances (5-4-1): Oven; Ironing Board - Microwave - Television - Egg Timer - Boiler; Alarm Clock (▮ 5’) - Soap (Air Conditioner 45’) - Coffee Maker - Telephone; Heater (▮ 23’) (Water Cooler 86’)

FLIGSIVE, EURAN OCEANIC TERRITORIES - The SFA Cup winners came close, very close. But in the end, you really cannot be expected to chase down a 2-0 deficit, no matter the circumstance. In general terms, they’re just too difficult.

Kirkham gave it their best shot, though. For the entire first half, they dominated the run of play, finishing with 62% possession in front of quite a shocked home crowd, who were expecting their side to hand the Sylestonean Sentients another solid loss. But no, Kirkham held firm for the entire 45 minutes, barely allowing Tom Duffy or Morgan Fox to break through. Alas, no goals were scored as Kirkham’s job was made just that little bit harder. They now had to score at least two goals in the second half to keep their hopes alive.

In the 72nd minute, the Air Conditioner provided one of the goals with a finish from next to the goalpost amid a clusterfuck within the box. Kirkham were 1-0 up, but still 2-0 down in the scheme of things. They had to score another goal.

In the 85th minute, the Heater failed to slot home a penalty kick, ending the Appliances’ campaign barely before it even started. They were eliminated, and in the first preliminary round, too. Moreover, these opportunities rarely come around often, meaning it could be years, even decades, until they got another shot here. But for now, they were still regarded as a strong team in a weak association, and that’s the way it’s going to be for at least a fair while.

FLIGSIVE FC - 0

KIRKHAM APPLIANCES
Air Conditioner 72’

[Sylestone]

PREVIEWS

Well, here we are again! It feels like only yesterday that Capital FC lifted the Toilet League trophy after leading the competition for almost the entire season. With their draw against Dodle FC on matchday 28, they became the first team to secure the trophy for the second time, with the Kirkham Appliances, Kirkham City and Pesfield Trees FC all one-time champions. Will one of them join Capital FC with two premierships, will Capital FC make it three premierships in four seasons of the Toilet League or will someone else take it out for the first time? It’s about time we found out!

After season five, North Chamberley and Dodle FC were relegated to the Poo League for the second time for both of them in four seasons, while Katham FC made a splendid return to the Toilet League with a whopping 72 points from 30 games, while AFC Droves joined them in the first division for the first time in their history. They both have promising sides, but the Toilet League is very challenging indeed. Do they have the determination to maintain their composure against odds uncounted?

This season, four teams have changed their names as the SFA seeks to increase the originality of names within the two leagues. Kirkham City, Kirkham Furniture and Kirkham Suburbs have all been bought by the Vdaran household company Kitchen Sink, having their names changed to Kitchen Sink FC, Breakfast Bowl FC and Fridge FC respectively. Western FC of Chamberley have also opted to change their name to Westminster, as that is the suburb where the team headquarters are located.

Finally, to spice up the relegation/promotion process, the club that finishes in 14th will play against the third-place finisher in the Poo League in a two-legged playoff series to give another opportunity to a deserving Poo League side. But they will be hard-pressed to make the most of this, with nearly every Toilet League side having the firepower to take the trophy home, but only one will. Who will it be?

SEASON SIX: PART ONE

Avondale Beach SC

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Dean Alfred  <- Bavingtor FC  ($750,000)
Charlie Barrett  <- Halpenley City FC  ($2,000,000)

Out:
Bethany Cunningham  -> Veriasod Wolves FC  ($0)
Vera McKinnon  -> Fagli Cinquanta  ($0)
Sophie Randall  -> Delphi Lions  ($1,000,000)

Overview:

City: Avondale
Stadium: Connolly Oval (cap. 29,000)
Team Colours: Cyan and Orange
Nickhame: The Pigeons
Previous Seasons: 13th - 12th - 5th
Play Style: Balanced
Formation: 4-3-3
Predicted Finish: 12th
Coach: Wallis Padmore (M) - 71
Manager: Norman Selby (M) - 64

Starting XI:

GK: Charlie Barrett (M) - 24
LB: Julyan Riptide (M) - 26 (HIN )
CB: Steve Shephard (M) - 31
CB: Isabella Wickham (F) - 32
RB: Dean Alfred (M) - 31 (FVA )
LM: Twater Harring (M) - 23 (JOV )
CM: Nigel Humphries (M) - 34 (FVA )
RM: Marvin Harland (M) - 26
LW: Ajark-Intov Fox - 34 (QUS )
RW: Savannah Edwards (F) - 33 
CF: Cassidy Dwyer (F) - 22

Reserves:

GK: Michayla Paxton (F) - 24
GK: Euan Ryan (M) - 28
LB: Hervey Bennington (M) - 29
CB: Melissa Morris (F) - 23
CB: Richard Hill (M) - 19
RB: Lesley Keller (F) - 18
LM: Rachel Doyle (F) - 17
CM: Isla Bradfield (F) - 18
RM: Toby Mackey (M) - 20
LW: Charlie May (M) - 21
RW: Jess Hale (F) - 27
CF: Blake Sanchez (M) - 19

Overview:
Over the past couple of seasons, Avondale Beach have been able to nestle themselves into a spot around the bottom of the table where despite not really looking confident against the top or even middling teams, they have been able to successfully keep themselves an acceptable distance from the relegation zone. In the third season of the Toilet League, the season after they finished as the Poo League champions, Avondale Beach finished fifth in the Toilet League, just out of an IFCF spot in the Challengers Cup. Unfortunately for them, though, they haven’t been able to keep it going over the past couple of years, finishing 12th in season four and 13th in season five.

Their hopes of remaining in the Sylestonean top flight are still high, though, with pundits predicting a 12th-placed finish for the Pigeons. While, yes, that might be just one spot off a playoff with the third-placed Poo League club, Avondale Beach could certainly be called unlucky to fall back down there after three seasons in the Toilet League where they certainly looked like a first division side.

For season six, though, Avondale Beach SC have brought in two crucial signups - Charlie Barrett, Sylestone’s second-choice goalkeeper from the Campionato Esportiva, as well as Flavovespian right-back Dean Alfred. Both players will provide some much needed support in the defence for the side who let in the third-largest number of goals in the most recent season of the Toilet League. Yet, with Isabella Wickham and Steve Shephard starting in the centre defence, you can’t help but feel that the Pigeon’s defensive line is still fairly weak, even with the likes of Julyan Riptide and Dean Alfred starting on the wings.

The midfield line looks strong, with Twater Harring, Nigel Humphries and Marvin Harland all being accomplished players, as are Ajark-Intov Fox, Cassidy Dwyer and Savannah Edwards in the forward line. You can expect these guys to put a relatively high number of goals past opposing goalkeepers, but Avondale’s defensive shortcomings could certainly come back to bite them.

You may be a fan if… you like cyan, you like the beach, you are from Flavovespia or you like birds.

Avondale City FC

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Zoran Karpow  <- DD Porto Nowi  ($1,600,000)
Frederico Valvi  <- Vreton United  ($1,000,000)
Hector Walker  <- Pacifica  ($500,000)

Out:
Annabelle Larkins  -> Beckton Supermarine  ($1,000,000)
Hugo Mornington  -> Z’ai’ai  (Unattached)
Howard Nevill  -> FC Conton  ($0)
Hildred Reber  -> Halpenley City FC  ($1,000,000)

Overview:

City: Avondale
Stadium: Kitchener Stadium (cap. 65,000)
Team Colours: Lime Green and Yellow
Nickname: The Lime Greens
Previous Seasons: 3rd - 3rd - 13th
Play Style: Aggressive
Formation: 4-2-2-2
Predicted Finish: 2nd
Coach: Gordon Ratters (M) - 59
Manager: John Lawson (M) - 47

Starting XI:

GK: Frederico Valvi (M) - 20 (BOL )
LB: Zoran Karpow (M) - 24 (ZRH )
CB: Sunil Damasekara - 25
CB: Gillian Lang (F) - 25
RB: Estefany Simms (F) - 29 (EFL )
LM: Hector Walker (M) - 21 (SNL )
RM: Hallar Tatyova (F) - 31 (SRS )
CAM: Andrew Dalton (M) - 25 (ETN )*
CAM: Emily Hawk (F) - 34
LF: Sloane Walsh (F) - 30 (NPH )
RF: Wanar-Sevet Opu - 27 (QUS )

Reserves:

GK: James Whitaker (M) - 30
GK: Arlo Cameron (M) - 24
LB: Isabel Matthews (F) - 27
CB: Olivia Nambucca (F) - 22
CB: Mia Holt (F) - 27
RB: Brynn Gibson (M) - 23
LM: Adam Nan (M) - 32
RM: Jack Lawson (M) - 15
CAM: Kyle Miller (M) - 26
CAM: Zara Wheals (F) - 19
LF: Cooper Hill (M) - 25
RF: Amelia Ascott (F) - 18

Overview:
Avondale City FC have finally begun to seal themselves into the IFCF spots over the past couple of seasons, each time looking ominous but not quite being able to hold the Toilet League trophy aloft. The Lime Green’s two third-place finishes over the past two seasons has assured that they will be contenders for the title for another year running this season, following a horrendous performance in season three where they missed a shocking relegation by the skin of their teeth, finishing in 13th place.

In the official predictions, Avondale City FC seem to be destined to take out second place, which seems reasonable considering the strength of the side they have. Only Capital FC appears to have a stronger side than the Lime Greens, as the latter seek their first title. They can certainly pull it off, but it will require continuous form and some good teamwork right from the very beginning. For the lack of a better word, Avondale City’s campaign in the sixth season of the Toilet League will be… very spicy indeed.

Avondale City are disappointed to see Annabelle Larkins and Hugo Mornington leave after each played a significant role in their success over the past couple of years, however, they do understand that in order to continue to improve, moving overseas will only help in that regard. Beckton Supermarine were quick to pick up Larkins, as Z’ai’ai of the Chromatik Orange League were keen on the way Mornington carried himself while playing in recent years. Howard Nevill would also leave after being a reserve forward, moving to FC Conton as a free agent to help them in their quest back to the Toilet League after a terrible season last time round, while Chromatik goalkeeper Hildred Reber is making an in-league move to defensive masters Halpenley City FC.

The defence has been shored up a fair bit, with Bollonischian starting goalkeeper Frederico Valvi making the move over to the Lime Greens from Vreton United of Bollonich, while Zoran Karpow of fellow Esportivan nation Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom will be filling in the hole in the defence left by young gun Hugo Mornington. Karpow, alongside the likes of Sunil Damasekara, Gillian Lang and Eastfielder Estefany Simms, create a strong defensive line that will be hard to penetrate.

However, the coach, Gordon Ratters, and manager, John Lawson, are both willing to sacrifice their team’s defence for offense, urging the defenders to go on the attack whenever possible. The midfielders, South Newlandian Hector Walker, who jumped from Pacifica in Poafmersia to the Lime Greens just this season, alongside veteran Squornshelan Hallar Tatyova, will also be looking to push up whenever possible, playing as wingers more often than not. Both players will need to possess as much stamina as possible in order to play out this role and may often find themselves being rested or substituted for at least one game.

The attacking midfielders, naturalised Ethanian Andrew Dalton and former starter Emily Hawk, will be taking up the job of assisting the forwards, while Sloane Walsh of Nephara and Wanar-Sevet Opu’s main roles will be in finishing off. All four players had a good season a year ago, and will be looking to improve further on that in yet another title bid from the Lime Greens this season. Their chances may not be considered to be as good as they were last season, but Avondale City are certainly considered to be one of the clubs with the best chance to take it out.

You may be a fan if… you are a “city person”, you’re Bollonischian or you like favourites that can never quite make the very top.

Betham FC

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Manda Iara  <- Eyrods Tech  ($0)
Tom O’Driscoll  <- Serrapince FC  ($2,000,000)
Max Paterson  <- Capital FC  ($1,000,000) 

Out:
Travis Scott  -> FK-PRD Ofau  (A meal)
Amelia Stanton  -> Ousevale Borough  ($2,000,000)

Overview:

City: Betham
Stadium: The Bay Reserve (cap. 68,420)
Team Colours: Red and Orange
Nickname: The Pandas
Previous Seasons: 2nd - 7th - 9th
Play Style: Aggressive
Formation: 3-3-4
Predicted Finish: 3rd
Coach: Zoe Sanders (F) - 37
Manager: Arjun Kohli (M) - 48

Starting XI:

GK: Verity Cavendish (F) - 25
LB: Torsten Eikholm (M) - 26 (KOR )
CB: Anita Rao-Chavan (F) - 23 (ZWZ )
RB: Frank Butler (M) - 32
LM: Manda Iara (F) - 23 (CMT )
CM: Max Paterson (M) - 24
RM: Mathias Swift (M) - 34 (TKT )
LW: Lucas Drover (M) - 31
RW: Max MacIntosh (M) - 24
CF: Destiny Arias (F) - 28 (CDG )
CF: Tom O’Driscoll (M) - 30 (TMB )

Reserves:

GK: Madison Mitchell (F) - 25
GK: Charlize Barron (F) - 31
LB: Angus Hill (M) - 30
CB: Bethany Johns (F) - 22
RB: Aidan Poole (M) - 23
LM: Jayden Higgins (M) - 24
CM: Keith Fletcher (M) - 28
RM: Ben Lloyd (M) - 25
LW: Elliot Nicholson  (M) - 25
RW: Emmanuel Butler (M) - 25
CF: Kieran Satis (M) - 22
CF: Ryan Lloyd (M) - 27

Overview:
For the first time in their history, Betham FC were able to seal a spot in the IFCF Challengers Cup, with a second-placed finish after staying right on Capital FC’s tail up until the very end of the season, where they dropped behind Avondale City for a game or two. Despite being successful in taking back the runners-up spot, though, Betham still failed to make it past Damgran FC of the Squornshelan Remnant States in the second preliminary round of the Challengers Cup, with a 4-4 draw at home not good enough to overcome a 3-1 deficit in what was a terrible season for Sylestone’s CC sides.

For this upcoming season of the mighty Toilet League, Betham appear to have a strong side; one that could contend the title if they gel together in quick time and maintain good form for the entire season. However, with so many other strong sides popping up everywhere, third place looks likely for the Pandas, the leading club side of Sylestone’s third-largest city, although they still have a strong chance at climbing into the top two and for the second time in a row, find themselves in the Esportivan domestic championship.

With the Bethamites succeeding in keeping star striker Destiny Arias with them for a second season, the Pandas forward line appears to be arguably the strongest in the Toilet League, with Tumbran Tom O’Driscoll making his way across the region to the island nation with Travis Scott’s departure to FK-PRD Ofau of Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom, another Esportivan nation, for… a meal. But anyway, O’Driscoll and Arias will be backed by Lucas Drover and Max MacIntosh on the wings, forming a formidable forward line that will be incredibly difficult to break down.

The midfield also appears to be powerful, with potential Chromatik starter Manda Iara taking Amelia Stanton’s place on the left after the two-time Under-21 captain transferred to Ousevale Borough in Krytenia. She will provide a wealth of talent to the Pandas in their title quest this season. Joining her in the midfield is Max Paterson, after Keith Fletcher had a disappointing season in the centre midfield in the fifth edition of the Toilet League. After a great season with the reigning champions, Betham have snapped him up to bolster their centre-midfield, while aging Tikariotian Mathias Swift will provide experience in the right midfield.

While the Bethamite defence may not be incredibly weak, Arjun Kohli’s aggressive mindset definitely means that they aren’t at the forefront of his mind most of the time. However, Torsten Eikholm, playing in the left-back, is definitely one of the better defenders in the Toilet League, as is young Zwangzugian Anita Rao-Chavan in the centre, despite not really much much hope of making the national team at any point in the future. However, the weak link in this defensive outfit is certainly Frank Butler, the right-back. The 32-year-old’s position in the starting XI over young Aidan Poole is something of a shock after the elder Butler brother had a shocking season, where more often than not, the other two defenders were left on their own to defend opposition offensive manoeuvres. Yet, through some brilliant skill from Verity Cavendish in goals and Rao-Chavan, Eikholm and the midfield, only 31 goals were conceded throughout the season. However, if he can get his act together, Betham may well take out their first Premiership this season.

You may be a fan if… you like red and orange, you like aggressive football, you’re Tumbran, or you like favourites that can never quite make the very top.

Breakfast Bowl FC

Prev. Kirkham Furniture

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Ironing Board  <- Kirkham Appliances  ($3,000,000)
Kitchen Sink  <- Kirkham City  ($1,750,000)

Out:
-none-

Overview:

City: Kirkham
Stadium: The Breakfast Bowl (cap. 13,000)
Team Colours: Light Brown and Red
Nickname: Furniture/The Breakfast Bowls
Previous Seasons: 12th - 2nd (Poo) - 16th
Play Style: Balanced
Formation: 4-3-3
Predicted Finish: 14th
Coach: Eraser
Manager: Whiteboard Marker

Starting XI:

GK: Cabinet
LB: Ironing Board
CB: Pizza Stone
CB: Bookshelf
RB: Tarpaulin
LM: Kitchen Sink
CM: Breakfast Bowl
RM: Spiderwebs
LW: Computer
CF: Wristwatch
RW: Spatula

Reserves:

GK: Ladder
GK: House
LB: Cup
CB: Desk
CB: Cardboard Box
RB: Wine Glass
LM: Workbook
CM: Tissue Box
RM: Window
LW: Front Door
CF: Light Fitting
RW: Back Door

Overview:
With officials of the Sylestone Football League sending out a plea for more originality in some names, Vdaran corporation Kitchen Sink answered, sponsoring three of Kirkham’s clubs and thus changing their names. Kirkham Furniture was one of them, with their name being changed to Breakfast Bowl FC after the club’s egotistical centre-midfielder. Because why not.

After being relegated to the Poo League three seasons ago with only 24 points in 30 games, Breakfast Bowl FC have built themselves back up again, finishing with 62 points two years back to successfully climb back up into the top echelon of the Sylestone Football League. They then were able to stay there in the most previous season, with a twelfth-placed finish as they seeked to bolster their lineup in another bid for the top eight in this upcoming season.

They have done that. The Ironing Board will be taking over defensive roles in the left-back positions, while the Kitchen Sink will be moving across from Kirkham City (now… Kitchen Sink FC) to take up the left-midfield with Breakfast Bowl FC. They will both bring talent and experience to this team, however, with so many other signings going on, the official predictions state that the Breakfast Bowls are likely to only just scrape out of the relegation zone, with a fourteenth place finish predicted for Breakfast Bowl FC.

Alongside the Ironing Board, the Bookshelf and the Desk will be playing the centre defence, in front of the Cabinet, Breakfast Bowl FC’s shot-stopper. In the right of the defensive line lurks the Tarpaulin, who, while not really under any national considerations, is still one of the better defenders in the city of Kirkham.

The midfield is undoubtedly the Breakfast Bowls’ strength, with the Kitchen Sink teaming up with centre-midfielder the Breakfast Bowl itself (all hail), who just happens to be the captain of this team. These two, alongside frequent national substitute Spiderwebs, form one of the stronger midfields in the entire Toilet League, although still far from the strongest. Their main roles will be to control the passage of play and hopefully set up scoring opportunities for the Wristwatch as the centre forward.

Alongside the aforementioned Wristwatch, the remaining Breakfast Bowl FC forward line will be made up of two wingers; the Computer on the left and Spatula on the right. Both are quality players with high levels of experience, and that will need to come to the fore if the Breakfast Bowls are to come out of this with some sort of positive record. It will be interesting to see how each goes, but their crossing skills are respectively excellent, meaning that if they get away from their defenders, opposition defences will certainly be in a spot of bother. Breakfast Bowl FC will be an intriguing side to watch and will be hoping to cause an upset here or there to let everyone know that they are a side to watch.

You may be a fan if… you like Sentient Objects, you are Vdaran (especially if you work for Kitchen Sink), you like stadiums in the shape of a big bowl or you like cereal.

* denotes naturalised player

[Sylestone]

SEASON SIX: PART TWO

Capital FC

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Thandi Ayodele  <- Spots United  ($1,500,000)
Liam Cunningham  <- Elephant Town FC  ($2,000,000)
Hurko Lapisonde  <- Jaglan Royals  ($3,000,000)
Nina MacDonald  <- Abingdon Celtic  ($354,000)

Out:
Jessie Bowen (BLN) -> Sanford Falls PREMIER  ($2,000,000)
Chris Kreis  -> Katham FC  ($0)
Max Paterson  -> Betham FC  ($1,000,000)
Mitchell Stevenson  -> West Akusha CF  ($2,500,000)
Oscar Umbridge  -> Glenmount Town  ($1,500,000)

Overview:

City: Avondale
Stadium: Avondale International Sports Stadium (cap. 86,500)
Team Colours: Maroon and Black
Nickname: The Maroons
Previous Seasons: 1st - 2nd - 1st
Play Style: Balanced
Formation: 4-1-3-2
Predicted Finish: 1st
Coach: Jonah Twartan (M) - 41
Manager: Brain Murphy (M) - 47

Starting XI:

GK: Oliver Crossley (M) - 19 (TKT )
LB: Hurko Lapisande (M) - 26 (ASG )
CB: Thandi Ayodele (F) - 3 (~21) (FET )
CB: James Heagney (M) - 27
RB: Jason Finnigan (M) - 25
CDM: Jason Williams (M) - 25
LM: Matt Roberts (M) - 33 (TKT )
CM: Nina MacDonald (F) - 19 (TLI )
RM: Jeremy Smith (M) - 26
CF: Liam Cunningham (M) - 31
CF: Callum Alexander (M) - 34 (ETN )*

Reserves:

GK: Callum Holmes (M) - 23
GK: Oscar Murray (M) - 25
LB: Adam Taylor (M) - 29
CB: Mary Levy (F) - 22
CB: Logan Flanagan (M) - 31
RB: Harriet Zezoni (F) - 21
CDM: Morgan Ferris (M) - 27
LM: Amy Eaton (F) - 30
CM: Bianca Barkman (F) - 20
RM: Josie Inibus (F) - 29
CF: Brianna Herzog (F) - 28
CF: Ethan Everest (M) - 27

Overview:
Undoubtedly the best side in the Toilet League, Capital FC will be aiming for their third title in four seasons after the eventual champions finished eleven points clear of Betham FC at the top of the Toilet League just a few months prior. Once again, this season, the Maroons appear even stronger than ever, with numerous strong signings coming their way as players make way.

As a result, a first-placed finish for the Avondale club appears to be the only option, unless they somehow find a way to completely mess it up. If this occurs, there is more than one club that could come through the open door to take out the Premiership, no matter how unlikely. But with a sea of changes, with four entrants and five players leaving, the Maroons do have a lot of work to do to get their tactics sorted out before the first matchday.

For the second season running, Oliver Crossley, the 20-year-old Tikariotian, has kept Callum Holmes out of the first XI despite being elected to start in the under-23 side Sylestone have sent to the Olympics. It means that if Crossley is to have a bad day somewhere along the way, the Maroons will have an able backup keeper that they will not hesitate to use if need be.

After four years in the tropical heat of Sylestone, Blaneuan defender Jessie Bowen has finally moved on, with Astograthian left-back Hurko Lapisonde taking the former’s place in the starting XI, bolstering the reigning champions’ defence ever further. National reserve Mitchell Stevenson has also moved away from home, where Bollonischian mid-table club West Akusha CF have snapped him up as they seek a much better season than what they got last time around. In his place, Thandi Ayodele, a cat from Felinetopia, will be starting alongside James Heagney in the centre defence, while Jason Finnigan will continue to push national hopes in the right-defence, where you get the feeling he is not far off selection for duties in blue and orange. These four in the back line are indeed very formidable, but not quite unbreakable for opposition forwards.

Manager Brian Murphy has made a slight change from previous seasons, changing from four midfielders in a line to have three slightly further up than usual and Jason Williams as a defensive midfielder, where his main role will be to push the ball either up the wings and through the centre, to create scoring opportunities. Tikariotian left-midfielder Matt Roberts will be there to receive them, while young Licentian centre-midfielder Nina MacDonald will be playing in a slightly aggressive role in her prime position, looking to set the forwards up at every possible opportunity. Capital FC servant Jeremy Smith will continue to start on the right for the Maroons, being one of only a select few who have started in all six seasons of the Toilet League, despite being only 26 years of age.

That leaves us with the two forwards. Young Oscar Umbridge was transferred to Glenmount Town in the Licentian Isles, only a few hours east of Sylestone via aeroplane, leaving a whole next to naturalised Ethanian Callum Alexander, who has had two strong seasons in a row for the Maroons, despite being 34 years old. He will hope to have another couple in the coming years, but for the meantime, Liam Cunningham has made his way back home from the now-defunct Elephant Town FC in South Newlandia after a four-year stint in the small island nation to continue to keep Capital’s forward line strong. Fans of the Maroons will be hoping that the former Bethamite will play a detrimental role in their title defence this year, something no club has ever successfully been able to pull off. Will Capital FC be the first?

You may be a fan if… you like maroon, you love to be slight favourites in crosstown rivalries, you’re Astograthian or Felinetopian or you just like to hop on the bandwagon.

Chamberley City

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Waldemar Borgen  <- Laivana JPS  ($1,000,000)
Lilah Buchanan  <- Unaffiliated ($0)
Janelle Oliver  <- Kota Jembal FC  ($2,500,000)

Out:
Corey Grant  -> Rutland FC  ($1,320,000)
Brigham Love  -> FC Conton  ($0)

Overview:

City: Avondale
Stadium: Chamberley Institute of Sport (cap. 109,300)
Team Colours: Blue and Green
Nickname: The Stars
Previous Seasons: 8th - 5th - 6th
Play Style: Balanced
Formation: 4-2-4
Predicted Finish: 5th
Coach: Adele Christopher (F) - 42
Manager: Heldir Zaman (M) - 58 (SRS )

[/floatright]
Starting XI:

GK: Waldemar Borgen (M) - 24 (AUD )
LB: Lyla Holmes (F) - 31
CB: Dorian Bullock (M) - 34 (BRE )
CB: Janelle Oliver (F) - 28
RB: Lilah Buchanan (F) - 23 (GRU )
LCM: Jack Hainsworth (M) - 29
RCM: Joel Clemons (M) - 25
LW: Tillie Ex (F) - 25 (CMT )
RW: Phille Mith (F) - 25 (CMT )
CF: Great White Shark (M) - 23 (QMI)
CF: Stephanie Georges (F) - 33

Reserves:

GK: Sarina Stone (F) - 26
GK: Ellis Brooks (F) - 28
LB: Fleurette Sainsbury (F) - 28
CB: John Hedley (M) - 24
CB: Luca Pearson (F) - 26
RB: Oakley Adamson (M) - 24
LCM: Zach Ryan (M) - 33
RCM: Midge Nash (F) - 29
LW: Samosa Man (M) - 22
RW: Kaiden Courtney (M) - 27
CF: Mayson Joyner (M) - 31
CF: Riley Howard (M) - 27

Overview:
Over recent years, Chamberley City have slowly been moving up the table and becoming a force of their own, despite never reaching the top four and securing an IFCF Challengers Cup spot. But after being on the brink of relegation for the first two seasons, to be pushing the top four for three seasons now really shows that they are now a force to compete with. Moreover, this sudden jump from the bottom to the top aligns with Heldir Zaman’s tenure with the Sylestonean club.

With three big signings this season, Chamberley City appears to have a stronger side than ever before as they seek domestic football on the international stage for the first time in the club’s history. However, with so many other strong teams to compete with, the predictions state that Chamberley City will just miss out, with a fifth-placed finish on the cards. But with a good game or two, you never know what could happen. The championship looks highly unlikely, but you can never take any option out of contention for the Stars.

With starting goalkeeper Brigham Love being sold to FC Conton in the Poo League as a free agent, Chamberley City, under the leadership of Squornshelan manager Heldir Zaman, have made possibly the biggest signing of the season, somehow managing to get Audioslavian goalkeeper Waldemar Borgen from Laivana JPS in the number one ranked league in the multiverse. Backed up by a powerful defence, this part of Chamberley’s play proves ominous for opposition teams. With Lyla Holmes, Janelle Oliver and Lilah Buchanan of the Grearish Union all having international experience, the other centre-back playing alongside Oliver seems to be the weak link of the side. Shame it’s a Brenecian.

Good luck finding that “weak link”.

However, with only two midfielders, if opposition clubs can control the midfield then that could pose quite the issue for the Stars. With a strong defence and a strong offense, Heldir Zaman has let the midfield come at an expense, something that may well backfire for his team. Jack Hainsworth has been rejigged up from the defence line to the left-centre-midfield position, while Joel Clemons has transferred across to the right from his old position. However, both players are known for their adaptability and are willing to do their best to ensure they give opposition midfields as hard a time as possible.

Finally, the forward line. On the wings are two Chromatiks: Tillie Ex on the left and Phille Mith on the right. Neither may have really been noticed by Chromatika itself, but the two 15-year-olds provide a world of class, with delicate and accurate crossing proving ominous for opposition defences. The Great White Shark, playing the last of his three-year contract before wanting to move back to his home in the Quemorr Isles as he continues to age, now at 23 years of age, which is roughly a third of their lifespan. If Quemorr Isles ever wish to rejoin the international stage, he will still have many years left in him. Alongside the Great White in the forward line is Stephanie Georges, playing her first season at the front after playing alongside Clemons in the midfield in previous seasons. It will be a new experience for her, but if she can score even a few goals, it will be a great asset to the Stars.

You may be a fan if… you like stars, you are from Audioslavia or the Grearish Union, or you like a team on the rise.

Cleorough FC

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Vesta Echagaray  <- New Fligsive’s Memory FMFYC  ($0)
Carrie Geffen-Broad  <- Felswyr State University  ($0)

Out:
Abigail Jones  -> Tor  ($2,000,000)
Zelda Katharin  -> Meriador FC  ($0)
Zenon-Tylyr Pan  -> Sanford Falls PREMIER  ($2,000,000)

Overview:

City: Cleorough
Stadium: Carson Stadium (cap. 80,000)
Team Colours: Yellow and Orange
Nickname: The Toucans
Previous Seasons: 11th - 14th - 11th
Play Style: Aggressive
Formation: 4-3-3
Predicted Finish: 10th
Coach: Erin Bradman (F) - 39
Manager: Elias Hammerschmidt (M) - 44 (ZRH )

Starting XI:

GK: Mali Jackson (F) - 21 (XAN )
LB: Lucy Mills (F) - 26
CB: Adrian Ferguson (M) - 29
CB: Sophia Pearson (F) - 24
RB: Lucas Jabberee (M) - 29
LM: Vesta Echagaray (F) - 20 (MRT )
CM: Ludwig Plessner (M) - 36 (STL )
RM: Carrie Geffen-Broad (F) - 23 (ZWZ )
LW: Aife Redding (M) - 28 (BRE )
CF: Tyler Mirth (M) - 32
RW: Hannah Currie-Masson (F) - 18 (QUE )

Reserves:

GK: Benjamin Chapman (M) -27
GK: Sophie Burdett (F) - 22
LB: Ryan McDonald (F) - 16
CB: James Porree (M) - 20
CB: Dorian Levine (M) - 26
RB: Antonio Jordan (M) - 19
LM: Jade Davies (F) - 25
CM: Harper Weiss (M) - 21
RM: Shoka Chang (F) - 22
LW: Barbara Kittens (F) - 26 (HIN )
CF: Ryan Mitchell (M) - 25
RW: Joel Pearson (M) - 24

Overview:
In each and every one of the five seasons of the Toilet League thus far, Cleorough FC have appeared to have a side that could challenge the very best in Sylestone, but for some reason, seem to have previously struggled to finish any higher than 11th place in each and every season. For four of the five seasons the Toilet League has been around for, Cleorough have finished in eleventh place, with their fourteenth-placed finish in season four the only exception. This year, once again, the Toucans appear to have a side that if they play well, can challenge the top clubs in the nation, but is also a side that could be subject to relegation if results don’t go their way. Neither are likely, but both are as possible as each other.

After continuous underwhelming performances from the Toucans over previous seasons, previous manager Douglas Gill has made way for the likes of Elias Hammerschmidt, a 44-year-old from north-western Esportivans Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom. While results aren’t expected to come in the first season, the club and its fans are hoping that as the years progress, Hammerschmidt will turn Cleorough from a mid-lower table team to one who can challenge the top few spots. This can also be shown in the official predictions by fans released on the official SFL website, where a tenth-placed finish appears exceedingly likely.

After a poor season last time ‘round, Mali Jackson, a young Xannerian goalkeeper, will be back once again as she hopes her form can continue to improve as she puts herself up for national selection. But with a weak-looking defence line, she will have to be at her very best throughout the season if the Toucans wish to try and get themselves out of that eleventh position.

With Qusmi centre-back leaving for Greater Sanford’s new league, Adrian Ferguson, previously a reserve, has jumped in to take his place after seriously improving his game over the past few seasons. He will be joined by Sophia Pearson, a young prodigy for Sylestone, already with a couple of national games under her belt after being selected as part of the side that went to the Licentian Isles in that fateful tournament. On the left is Lucy Mills, largely unknown on the international scale but does her job relatively well on the domestic scene. Finally, the right-back position will be held by Lucas Jabberee, a player who could be considered unlucky after just missing selection for the most recent Campionato Esportiva, with Jack Townsend and Luke Mitchell just pipping him in what would have been a certain head-scratcher. Him and Pearson will lead the otherwise-inexperienced as Hammerschmidt tries to take them to new heights.

The loss of talented right-midfielder Abigail Jones to Tor, Chromatika, would have hurt the Toucans, especially considering it happened while she was making her debut for Sylestone against powers Newmanistan in the Campionato Esportiva. Instead, they have picked up Carrie Geffen-Broad, a Zwangzugian from Felswyr State University in Chromatika, who shouldn’t be too much of a burden for the Toucans as they try to replace Jones’s talent. In the centre-midfield, veteran Siovanijan Ludwig Plessner, at 36 years of age, will continue to provide his experience, while the departure of Zelda Katharin from the left-midfield to Meriador FC in Tikariot has allowed young Mertagnian Vesta Echagaray to take her place after being picked up from the free agent list. The three of them will form what is probably one of the stronger midfields in the league, but still one that is far from unbreakable.

Finally, we have the forward line. Typically, the three of them try to play as parallel as possible to each other, with left-winger Aife Redding, of Brenecia, looking to feed balls into Tyler Mirth in the centre-forward position while Hannah Currie-Masson, an 18-year-old Quebecois, looks to do the same on the other wing. Last season, both wingers had prolific assist numbers, but none of the three had the scoring numbers to really challenge the top half of the table. However, this season, if they can change that, the Toucans could certainly be a force to compete with.

You may be a fan if… you like toucans, you like teams that finish in eleventh place or you are from Mertagne or Siovanija and Teusland.

AFC Droves

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Judith Houghton  <- Ridgewell United  

Out:
-none-

Overview:

City: Betham
Stadium: Burger Oval (cap. 26,000)
Team Colours: Red and White
Nickname: The Burgers
Previous Seasons: 2nd (Poo) - 5th (Poo) - 8th (Poo)
Play Style: Defensive
Formation: 5-2-1-2
Predicted Finish: 16th
Coach: Eli Harman (M) - 39
Manager: Tahlia Dawson (F) - 44

Starting XI:

GK: Marko Kriz (M) - 22 (ZRH )
LB: Charlotte Mee (F) - 27
LCB: Judith Houghton (F) - 19 (TMB )
CB: Trevor Hove (M) - 30
RCB: James Isobar (M) - 22
RB: Oliver Wood (M) - 29
LM: Seth Wilson (M) - 27
RM: Aaron Barnett (M) - 34
CAM: Koby McNeil (M) - 26
CF: Riley Strathfield (M) - 18
CF: Evan Strathfield (M) - 18

Reserves:

GK: Timothy Jameson (M) - 21
GK: Kivash Moreton (M) - 22
LB: Matthew Coburn (M) - 23
LCB: Vincent Ackers (F) - 31
CB: June Gilbert (F) - 19
RCB: Hamish Williams (M) - 26
RB: Flynn Thompson (M) - 29
LM: Gemma Knight (F) - 30
RM: Eloise Hayes (F) - 32
CAM: Isaac Black (M) - 24
CF: Rose Kane (F) - 25
CF: Sienna Robinson (F) - 25

Overview:
For the first time in their history, AFC Droves have successfully managed a top two finish in the Poo League and, as a result, have reached new heights as they are promoted to the Toilet League for the first time in the Betham club’s history. Although there may have been a hiccup or two along the way, overall, it was a dominant performance from the Burgers last season and they fully deserved their promotion. However, the Toilet League is a much more challenging place, and it will only be if AFC Droves are at their very best that they will be able to remain in the Sylestonean top flight.

They all know it: AFC Droves have, almost undoubtedly, the worst lineup in the Toilet League this season. Only three players, the Strathfield twins and backup goalkeeper Timothy Jameson, have ever worn a national jersey before, while both internationals, Judith Houghton from Tumbra and Marko Kriz from Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom, only came to the Burgers as free agents. While the Strathfield twins, alongside attacking midfielder and defender Charlotte Mee all possess qualities that have been noticed by national selectors, the sheer quality of many of the other clubs simply do not match what AFC Droves have been able to pull together. Relegation seems to be by far the most likely way forward, although, with a bit of luck, anything can happen in football.

Marko Kriz, one of the Burgers’ two internationals, will be the starting goalkeeper, although he will face immense pressure from Timothy Jameson if he has a bad game, with the latter having started in the Di Bradini Cup a year or so ago. However, with a five-strong defensive line, at times it will be difficult for opposition forwards to break through without adequate skills and a strong slice of luck, meaning that Kriz may not be able to touch the ball as often as was previously thought.

Charlotte Mee in the left-back position and Tumbran Judith Houghton, playing in a position between central defender Trevor Hove and Mee, will be the leaders of the defence, with both players known for their composure and passing abilities, despite the latter not quite having the tackling strengths others do. Hove, the central defender, has a fair amount of experience with him, but isn’t the fastest player and is prone to losing his composure in tight situations. James Isobar and Oliver Wood both have that composure, but are each somewhat hesitant in tackling, partly due to a lack of experience. Not the strongest defensive line ever, but still one that can be hard to penetrate.

The Burgers’ two midfielders, Seth Wilson and Aaron Barnett, are each underrated players who can turn a game on its head on good days. Them, alongside 26-year-old Koby McNeil playing as the starting attacking midfielder, form a formidable and underestimated group that can be very difficult indeed to break through.

Finally, up front are the well-known Strathfield twins, Riley and Evan. At only 18 years of age, both players have bright futures, already knocking on the door for national selection, although it may take them a few more years to reach that standard. However, that does not stop them from causing mayhem on the domestic stage, like they have been prone to do in the Under-18 World Cup, as well as being expected to do the same in the upcoming Di Bradini Cup. If AFC Droves want to come out of the season without having to go back down to the Sylestonean second division, then these two youngsters will have to perform their hearts out. For it will be them, and not necessarily the defence or the midfield, who could make the difference that could get them out of the relegation zone.

You might be a fan if… you like burgers, you like twins or you like a club competing against hopeless odds.

[Sylestone]

SEASON SIX: PART THREE

Dunkirk Athletic

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Eler d’Applincourt  <- Heresian Polytechnic  ($0)

Out:
Jayden Clarke  -> Mazinaw Vanorian  ($1,500,000)

Overview:

City: Dunkirk
Stadium: Ground of Dunkirk (cap. 43,000)
Team Colours: Blue and Black
Nickname: The Wolves
Previous Seasons: 14th - 13th - 7th
Play Style: Balanced
Formation: 4-1-2-1-2
Predicted Finish: 15th
Coach: Luke Miller (M) - 48
Manager: Marietta Stevenson (F) - 43

Starting XI:

GK: James Mattison (M) - 32
LB: Austin Newmann (M) - 18 (MUR )
CB: Fiona Edwards (F) - 24
CB: Hamish Malcolm (M) - 25
RB: Eler d’Applincourt (M) - 23 (OAM )
CDM: Cameron Harris (M) - 31
LM: Jamieson Wilson (M) - 26
RM: Kim Kearnes (F) - 20
CAM: Trinity Colburt-Veil (F) - 28
CF: Malcolm Bilby (M) - 27
CF: Tristan Fullers (M) - 32

Reserves:

GK: Alyssa Sylvester (F) - 28
GK: Edward Hickney (M) - 21
LB: Josh Pearson (M) - 23
CB: Ralph Manga (M) - 23
CB: Sean Keating (M) - 20
RB: Diana Farrell (F) - 23
CDM: Lauren Taylor (F) - 22
LM: Ella Haritos (F) - 21
RM: Felicity Williams (F) - 33
CAM: Jeremy Long (M) - 30
CF: Dominic Crane (M) - 31
CF: Karen Crowley (F) - 26

Overview:
Dunkirk Athletic shot out of the blocks a few years back, after making their way up from the now-defunct third division, somehow remaining at the head of the table for more than half the season. Despite dropping back down to seventh from first in the final third of the season, it was still a momentous performance from the Wolves as other sides began to take them seriously. As a result, Dunkirk have been on the brink of relegation for the past two seasons, but have successfully kept themselves out of that hole through their pure teamwork abilities. But this season, with another possible relegation spot up for grabs, will they have the strength and capability to remain in the top flight?

It seems unlikely. By no means do Dunkirk Athletic have a team that can challenge the top four or five, or even the top eight or so. But the Wolves are known for their teamwork, with a strong core and only limited transfers. This season, their only change was Jayden Clarke, a promising young right-back, being sold to Mazinaw Vanorian in Kelssek while Oberour defender Eler d’Applincourt replaced Clarke. James Mattison will remain in goals once again this season, despite there being rumours running afield that he was going to be replaced, while Jamieson Wilson’s attempted transfer came up short, meaning the left-midfielder will continue to try and satisfy his national dreams once again this season.

Austin Newmann, an 18-year-old Murphtannian with a tonne of potential, will be starting in the left-back position for his second year in the tropical island nation. He may be far from the most experienced player in the team, but is one of the most talented players in the entire 23-player squad. In the central defence lurk Fiona Edwards and Hamish Malcolm, two capable, young players who don’t quite have the talent to even push for notice by Sylestone’s national selectors. However, they will still continue to quietly go about their business and hope for good fortune to come their way somewhere down the track. To wrap up the defence, Oberour Eler d’Applincourt will be playing in the right-back position, the second and final international player in the side. Like Newmann, Edwards and Malcolm, he may be young, but has a heap of talent and could certainly spell part of the difference between relegation or not.

After playing a standard 4-4-2 formation in the previous season, manager Marietta Stevenson has opted to change to more of a 4-1-2-1-2 in a last-ditch attempt to change their luck as teams continue to get better around them. Cameron Harris has dropped from the centre midfield to be the lone defensive midfielder, while Trinity Colburt-Veil, another player with an outside chance of selection for the Hawthorns, has gone the other way. She will be playing as the sole attacking midfielder this season, looking to set the forwards up with some strong opportunities and occasionally infiltrating the defence line when on the attack. Back in the left midfield lurks Jamieson Wilson, who could not find a successful trade deal as he seeks out another season with Dunkirk. Wrapping up the midfield is young prospect Kim Kearnes, already having experience in a Sylestone jersey through the Di Bradini Cup and the Olympics.

That leaves us with the Wolves’ two forwards: Malcolm Bilby and Tristan Fullers. Bilby is currently a player in his prime, with a good chunk of goals in season five of the Toilet League helping Dunkirk remain afloat in Sylestone’s top flight. Another good season here and he could fancy his chances of developing his game further abroad, but at 27 years of age, he may be a little old to ignite his hopes of reaching the international stage someday. Tristan Fullers, at age 32, is certainly past his prime, but is still easily good enough to maintain a position in the starting XI for at least a couple more years. But will he have the ability to provide the Wolves with what they need to steer well clear of relegation contention?

You may be a fan if… you like wolves, you are from Murphtannia or you like a team that is only just hanging on for dear life.

Halpenley City FC

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Scott Julian  <- Kyethas Rivermen FC  ($0)
Hildred Reber  <- Avondale City FC  ($1,000,000)
Anselmi Voronin  <- Unaffiliated ($0)

Out:
Charlie Barrett  -> Avondale Beach SC  ($2,000,000)
Kate Fullers  -> Carthage United  ($1,000,000)
Hwang Syong-ya  -> Linden Woods FC  ($0)

Overview:

City: Halpenley
Stadium: Sunlife Stadium (cap. 52,000)
Team Colours: Purple and Violet
Nickname: The Royals
Previous Seasons: 10th - 8th - 8th
Play Style: Defensive
Formation: 5-3-2
Predicted Finish: 11th
Coach: Nathan Flower (M) - 49
Manager: Nicole May (F) - 73

Starting XI:

GK: Hildred Reber (F) - 30 (CMT )
LB: Thomas White (M) - 25
LCB: Brett Fraser (M) - 28
CB: Anselmi Voronon (M) - 34 (SQU )
RCB: Aaron Watson (M) - 26
RB: Luke Mitchell (M) - 30
LM: Marcus Brongue (M) - 32
CM: Violet Bolton (F) - 29
RM: Scott Julian (M) - 29 (TKT )
CF: Jowana Jewowić (F) - 20 (ZRH )
CF: Janet Light (F) - 30 (CMT )

Reserves:

GK: Matthew Hope (M) - 24
GK: Mohammad Bull (M) - 28
LB: Jay Owen (M) - 25
LCB: Owen Wade (M) - 24
CB: Brian Parks (M) - 45
RCB: Maybury Charleston (F) - 24
RB: Niamh Murphy (F) - 23
LM: Summer Roberson (F) - 30
CM: Bailey Hussain (M) - 20
RM: Ali Harrell (M) - 25
CF: Gareth De Rosa (M) - 31
CF: Xavier Cantrell (M) - 32

Overview:
If you’re looking for a defensive team, it’s effectively impossible to look past Halpenley. Their defensive line must be the best in the Toilet League, with only the likes of promoted Poo League top two Katham FC and AFC Droves the only other clubs to use five at the back, although Chamberley City were an exponent of defensive football last season, too. But just looking through Halpenley’s defensive line, it’s going to be pretty fucking difficult to break through there.

However, like in the five seasons prior, Halpenley simply do not have the side to really challenge the top few spots in the league. Their defence may be strong, with the likes of Anselmi Voronin, a former player for Squornshelous, making his debut in the Toilet League while young TJUN-ian Hwang Syong-ya has left in search of a club to help further his career. Charlie Barrett may have also departed, seeking out a new deal in Avondale Beach, but ex-Avondale City goalkeeper Hildred Reber, from Chromatika, will take his place and not provide a burden of any sort. Finally, Kate Fullers, a young, blossoming right-midfielder, will move to Cassadaigua while free agent Scott Julian will come over to take her place.

The defensive line will be shaped in a way that has the wing-backs pushing up a little bit more, with the centre-back remaining as the last line of defence for the vast majority of the time. In the left, Thomas White will continue to push his national dreams through starting in the left-back position, continuing his ominous form from previous seasons. Brett Fraser will be playing between White and Anselmi Voronin, the former Squornshelan national and despite not really having much hopes at even getting mentioned by the SFA, he’s still a useful little defender. Aaron Watson in the RCB position is in the same sort of boat, and between him and Fraser, could be said for the weak links in this unit. However, you still need to be pretty damn good to break past those two, no matter their reputations. It doesn’t help that Luke Mitchell in the right-back position has national experience in the Campionato Esportiva for Sylestone, Anselmi Voronin in the centre defence for Squornshelous and Thomas White in the Di Bradini Cup.

Halpenley’s midfield certainly isn’t anything of an issue, either. In the left, Marcus Brongue is certainly well within contention for national team selection, although his years may be numbered at the age of 32. Yet, he will still continue to provide opportunities for his club in the Toilet League, playing a vital role in setting up the forwards. Violet Bolton in the centre-midfield is a name well-known around Sylestone and is currently in her prime, with pinpoint passing just one of her many attributes. While it isn’t enough to break into the national team, she’s not far off their radar. Scott Julian of Tikariot will wrap up this side after Halpenley recently purchased him as a free agent and should not provide a burden for Halpenley’s hopes.

Finally, there’s the two-strong forward line. That might sound bad, but when your players are from Zeta Reka and Hugeltaldom and Chromatika respectively, there’s really nothing much to complain about. The first is Jowana Jewowić, a young Zeta Rekan at only 20 years of age, with huge potential. She will likely be the main goalscorer for the Royals this season, while Chromatik forward Janet Light will continue to be a selfless player, looking to set up Jewowić as much as possible. The two of them typically work together well, and are certainly a force to reckon with.

You may be a fan if… you like your defensive sides, you like the colour purple or you are from Squornshelous.

Katham FC

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Chris Kreis  <- Capital FC  ($0)
Verity Meadows  <- Pesfield Trees FC  ($750,000)

Out:
Isabella Cross  -> Mühlrich  ($0)

Overview:

City: Katham
Stadium: Katham Oval (cap. 13,000)
Team Colours: Burgundy and Black
Nickname: The Chickens
Previous Seasons: 1st (Poo) - 3rd (Poo) - 15th
Play Style: Defensive
Formation: 5-2-1-2
Predicted Finish: 13th
Coach: Mike Travis (M) - 54
Manager: Maynerd Donald (M) - 35

Starting XI:

GK: Damming Malmurchi (M) - 25 (KOR )
LB: Quincy Hambleton (M) - 30
LCB: Michael Hunt (M) - 26
CB: Isaac Bird (M) - 31
RCB: Clemency Wright (F) - 30
RB: Judy Thacker (F) - 33
LM: Earleen Tupper (F) - 27
RM: Amelia Turnbull (F) - 27
CAM: Chris Kreis (M) - 33 (TKT )
CF: Verity Meadows (F) - 30
CF: Kerry Bennett (M) - 26

Reserves:

GK: Victoria Baxter (F) - 25
GK: Scarlett Vallis (F) - 23
LB: Zoe Jessop (F) - 16
LCB: Sean Wallace (M) - 20
CB: Sophy Peel (F) - 31
RCB: Caitlyn Loveless (F) - 22
RB: Zacharias Andrade (M) - 23
LM: Brain Bay (M) - 24
RM: Isabella McLaren (F) - 23
CAM: Clarence Harris (M) - 26
CF: Philip Summer (M) - 28
CF: Gilbert Wright (M) - 21

Overview:
After smashing all records in the Poo League last season, finishing with a whopping 72 points from only 30 matches, Katham FC have rejoined the top tier of Sylestonean football fielding what appears to be their strongest-ever side. Like their partners in promotion, AFC Droves, Katham will only field two overseas players, with both having an international goalkeeper alongside one other free agent they took from the transfer window for this upcoming season. Alongside the Burgers, too, the Chickens are an exponent of the 5-2-1-2 formation, although they place a lot more emphasis on their midfield than their counterparts do.

And despite having a lineup that, at first glance, seems relatively similar to that used by their promoted counterparts, predictions state that Katham should be able to keep themselves upright throughout the majority of the season, with a 13th-placed finish on the cards, just a spot above possible relegation through the playoff spot. Overall, the side the Chickens boast appears to just have something over the Burgers, with Katham, there’s just something about their teamwork that makes them a nuisance for any opponent, as was evident in their Liga B Champions Trophy run.

Damming Malmurchi, a Ko-orenite that Katham bought as a free agent before the third season of the Toilet League, returns for his fourth year as the Chickens’ starting goalkeeper after yet another strong season with the gloves last season. He will be joined in the back line by five more dogged defenders, with Quincy Hambleton, Katham’s left-back, the leader of the line as he searches for a final chance at making the national Hawthorns side. He will be joined by Michael Hunt, Isaac Bird and Clemency Wright in the central defence, all of whom may be good defenders; not the sharpest but possess the capability to frustrate the hell out of an opposition. Finally, Judy Thacker in the right-back position will be facing stiff competition for the starting spot from young Zacharias Andrade, who has a bright future if he can break into the side.

The midfield, though, has to be the Chickens’ strong point. There may only be three of them; two on the wings and one playing in the attacking midfield, but all three are players that are in good form and have permanent class. On the left is Earleen Tupper, arguably the weakest of the three, while Tikariotian Chris Kreis will be playing that attacking midfielder role, taking over from Clarence Harris. His transfer from Capital FC was a big one for Katham, and they will not waste it. However, right-midfielder Amelia Turnbull will be the star player of the team, already having an international outing in that fateful Campionato Esportiva, where the team managed a draw against Newmanistan but no one else. However, her experience and talent here will be key as she seeks to keep her side afloat in the mighty Toilet League.

Finally, there are the forwards. Verity Meadows has transferred across from the Trees to Katham, presenting the Chickens with another strong player to help keep themselves in the Sylestonean top flight. She may not be in contention for any sort of national role, but she’s certainly a handful of a forward for any club that wants her. Joining her in the forward line will be experienced campaigner Kerry Bennett and despite being at only 26 years of age, has a cool, calm head under pressure and will link up with Meadows well to create a myriad of scoring opportunities.

You may be a fan if… you like Chickens, you like an underdog, or you like a side that is well known for its teamwork.

Kirkham Appliances

Transfer Roundup:

In:
Brick Wall  <- Letson Town  ($2,500,000)

Out:
Ironing Board  <- Breakfast Bowl FC  ($3,000,000)

Overview:

City: Kirkham
Stadium: Sentient Oval (cap. 29,275)
Team Colours: Purple and Black
Nickname: The Appliances
Previous Seasons: 4th - 6th - 4th
Play Style: Defensive
Formation: 5-1-2-1-1
Predicted Finish: 6th
Coach: Blackboard
Manager: Loudspeaker

Starting XI:

GK: Brick Wall
LB: Nokia
LCB: Microwave
CB: Television
RCB: Egg Timer
RB: Boiler
CDM: Air Conditioner
LM: Alarm Clock
RM: Telephone
CAM: Coffee Maker
CF: Heater

Reserves:

GK: Oven
GK: Freezer
LB: Vacuum Cleaner
LCB: Water Heater
CB: Electric Blanket
RCB: Waffle Iron
RB: Printer
CDM: Food Processor
LM: Juicer
RM: Electric Knife
CAM: Soap
CF: Water Cooler

Overview:
Kirkham Appliances are well-known for being the inaugural champions of the Toilet League, but their heroics have been elsewhere in the years since that brilliant title run. They have still remained a top club in the Toilet League, though, with twice making the IFCF Challengers Cup over the past three years and finishing sixth in season four. However, in that season, they successfully won the cup the first time, with a victory over Katham FC confirming their entrance to the Cup Winners Cup. Then they made it two from two last season, with a 1-0 extra time victory over the Toucans sealing a successful title defence.

Yet again this season, the Appliances boast a powerful side capable of challenging the top few. They seem to have the ability to hang onto their familiar fourth place, with a side that may not possess the greatest appliances out there, but with no one that will provide a burden to the team’s workings. Their defence is right up there with Halpenley City’s, while buying the Brick Wall back from Letson Town will help consolidate that five-strong defensive lineup with the best goalkeeper Sylestone’s ever seen.

The Nokia, with a few international games under its belt in the 88th World Cup Qualifiers and 79th Cup of Harmony, will be playing in the left back where its experience can rub off on all. It and the Boiler in the right-back position will be occasionally looking to make runs up the line in an attempt to allow the Heater and the Coffee Maker to play a little further forward with the help of wingers. The three centre-backs will be the Microwave, Television and Egg Timer, all fighting for one of Sylestone’s ten defensive slots for the World Cup 89 squad, while the Boiler will also be contending, too. The aforementioned three will provide the backbone of the Appliances’ lineup, looking to feed opportunities up through the middle, with their main goal to try and force a shut-out in the majority of games.

After playing as a centre-midfielder last season, a slight change in formation has resulted in the Air Conditioner, a favourite for World Cup 89 squad selection, to move back into the defensive midfielder position, while the Coffee Maker moves up to play as an attacking midfielder. These two will be joined by the Alarm Clock on the left of the diamond and the Telephone on the right, two players who can certainly hold their own on the pitch and have inexplicable passing technique.

Finally, there is the lone forward, the Heater. After a good couple of seasons, the Appliance seems to be in a prime position to take out a backup striker role with the Sentients, the national team. But it will be a tight thing, and some good performances here may be necessary to really assert itself as the prime contender for that role. It has pace and good ball skills, but can it get an adequate number of finishes to give its side a good start to the league?

You may be a fan if… you like Sentient Objects, you like a side that is well-known for their teamwork or you just want to watch a good game of defensive football.

[Sylestone]

LAVATORY SHIELD

CUBICLE ONE-DAY CUP



Season One

It’s been two years in the making, but finally, the Crash n’ Smash, Sylestone’s Twenty-20 league, will be joined by a four-day first-class season known as the Lavatory Shield as well as the Cubicle One-Day Cup, which is pretty self-explanatory. It has come after two seasons of the Crash n’ Smash have passed and despite slipping underneath the radar for most Sylestoneans, the nation has performed rather well on the world stage where after only two seasons, they are ranked seventh. And with the national side really starting to look strong, it was decided to form a really strong domestic base to provide pathways to the international stage.

For the upcoming season, the Cubicle One-Day Cup will be held at the very beginning in a double round-robin between the six states of Sylestone; Capital, Central Sylestone, Freeman, New Gloucester, South Sylestone and Suffolk. These six states will then have a bit of a break before playing the first five matches of the Lavatory Shield heading into the holidays. During these holidays, the Crash n’ Smash will take place between eight franchises located in different cities among the nation before the Lavatory Shield wraps itself up following the final of the Crash n’ Smash.

But with the rosters and squads being confirmed for the Cubicle One-Day Cupstarting for the first time in just a few days time, as well as the Lavatory Shield, let’s get started, shall we?

Capital Coyotes

Overview:
Unarguably one of the stronger states in the first class and List A scene, Capital appear to have a side with some serious depth, with no real weak links, especially in the Starting XI. The bowling outfit particularly looks strong, with the likes of Joshua Vilesti and Broughton Hall able to terrorise batters on the international scene, making them massive threats on the domestic stage. They also have Nathan Norwell, Peter Lenton and Yash Ubuni as players that have previously been capped for the side, rounding out what appears to be a side who could challenge the final in both formats.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Capital Stadium, Avondale (cap. 100,000)
Secondary Stadium: Cleorough Stadium, Cleorough (cap. 80,000)
Nickname: The Coyotes
Predicted Finish (Lavatory Shield): 3rd
Predicted Finish (Cubicle One-Day Cup): Runners-Up
Shield Titles: 0
One-Day Cup Titles: 0
ETFC Appearances: 0
Best ETFC Performance: N/A
LASL Appearances: 0
Best LASL Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Taylah Monnier (F) - Age 23 (LHB/LM; Batter)
2. (+) Yash Ubuni (M) - Age 35 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
3. Brock Westleford (M) - Age 26 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
4. (c) Peter Lenton (M) - Age 33 (RHB/RM; Batter)
5. Fergus Crena (M) - Age 29 (LHB; Batter)
6. Riley Accrington (M) - Age 20 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
7. Nathan Norwell (M) - Age 24 (LHB/RMF; All Rounder)
8. Molly Dixon (F) - Age 21 (LHB/LOS; Bowler)
9. Broughton Hall (M) - Age 22 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)
10. Phoebe Wright (F) - Age 32 (LHB/LFM; Bowler)
11. Joshua Vilesti (M) - Age 32 (RHB/RF; Bowler)

Reserves:

Holly Paling (F) - Age 20 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
Brooke Ironside (F) - Age 25 (RHB/RMF; Batter)
Alicia Edmundstone (F) - Age 28 (RHB/RLS; Batter)
Mariam Oldacre (F) - Age 27 (RHB; Batter)
Xander Forsheish (M) - Age 30 (RHB/LOS; Batter)
(+) Connor Alkina (M) - Age 28 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
Olivia Winston (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)
Abhinav Snigh (M) - Age 25 (LHB/ROS; Bowler)
Percy Benedict (M) - Age 27 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)

International Test Stats (updated to the third test vs The Grearish Union):

Broughton Hall: 9 matches. 126 runs @ 10.50, SR 48.09, HS 34*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 46 wickets @ 25.35, economy 2.97, SR 51.13, BBI 6-65, 2 5-fors.
Peter Lenton: 1 match. 6 runs @ 3.00, SR 85.71, HS 6, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Nathan Norwell: 4 matches. 57 runs @ 14.25, SR 49.14, HS 31*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 6 wickets @ 42.67, economy 3.88, SR 66.00, BBI 2-21, 0 5-fors.
Joshua Vilesti: 9 matches. 102 runs @ 10.20, SR 69.39, HS 48, 0 50s, 0 100s. 36 wickets @ 23.11, economy 3.01, SR 46.00, BBI 7-25, 2 5-fors.

International ODI Stats (updated to East-West Cup ODI final vs The Grearish Union):

Broughton Hall: 33 matches. 97 runs @ 16.17, SR 78.86, HS 28*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 56 wickets @ 25.91, economy 4.76, SR 32.68, BBI 6-28, 2 5-fors.
Peter Lenton: 17 matches. 326 runs @ 32.60, SR 87.63, HS 87*, 2 50s, 0 100s. 1 wicket @ 71.00, economy 10.14, SR 42.00, BBI 1-28, 0 5-fors.
Yash Ubuni: 1 match. 10 runs @ 10.00, SR 58.82, HS 10, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Joshua Vilesti: 30 matches. 58 runs @ 14.50, SR 96.67, HS 12*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 50 wickets @ 28.68, economy 5.10, SR 33.74, BBI 5-49, 1 5-fors.

Central Sylestone Snakes

Overview:
They might not be the strongest side in the nation, but the Central Sylestone Snakes certainly can hold their own against the best clubs, with a strong core and their own share in national representatives. While there are certainly some weak points in the Snakes’ side, they should be able to challenge the top two with a bit of luck and some good individual performances. Alyssa Fihelly, recently playing her first international test against The Grearish Union, will be thriving on those experiences as she heads into the first-class season, while Jonah Appleby has national experience and skipper Samuel Asaskia has played for the Sylestone All-Stars and Sylestone A before, and is considered on the brink of selection in all three formats.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Halpenley City Oval, Halpenley (cap. 36,350)
Secondary Stadium: Wagham Stadium, Conton (cap. 17,000)
Nickname: The Snakes
Predicted Finish (Lavatory Shield): 4th
Predicted Finish (Cubicle One-Day Cup): 5th
Shield Titles: 0
One-Day Cup Titles: 0
ETFC Appearances: 0
Best ETFC Performance: N/A
LASL Appearances: 0
Best LASL Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Alyssa Fihelly (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RLS; Batter)
2. Amy Helms (F) - Age 35 (LHB/LM; Batter)
3. (+) Jonah Appleby (M) - Age 27 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
4. Cameron Cunnings (M) - Age 29 (RHB; Batter)
5. Madeline Barff (F) - Age 32 (RHB/LLS; Batter)
6. (c) Samuel Asaskia (M) - Age 24 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
7. Samantha Knox (F) - Age 30 (LHB; Batter)
8. Brian Oplica (M) - Age 37 (RHB/ROS; All Rounder)
9. Malcolm Marshall (M) - Age 31 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
10. Shawn Lampe (M) - Age 34 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
11. Kate Sonnel (F) - Age 16 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)

Reserves:

Kyle Nicolls (M) - Age 27 (LHB; Batter)
Kaitlyn Whittingham (F) - Age 22 (RHB/RMF; Batter)
Andy Rombigo (M) - Age 21 (LHB/ROS; Batter)
Redmond Rombigo (M) - Age 21 (LHB/LM; Batter)
Abbey Kennedy (F) - Age 30 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
(+) Chloe Lazenby (F) - Age 23 (LHB; Wicketkeeper)
Ali Molesworth (M) - Age 33 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
Georgia Biscoe (F) - Age 24 (LHB/LFM; Bowler)
Layla Saville (F) - Age 22 (LHB/ROS; Bowler)

International Test Stats (updated to the third test vs The Grearish Union):

Jonah Appleby: 8 matches. 471 runs @ 39.25, SR 38.20, HS 112, 3 50s, 1 100s.
Alyssa Fihelly: 1 match. 41 runs @ 20.50, SR 47.13, HS 37, 0 50s, 0 100s. 0 wickets @ N/A, economy 2.50, SR N/A, BBI 0-5, 0 5-fors.

International ODI Stats (updated to East-West Cup ODI final vs The Grearish Union):

Jonah Appleby: 11 matches. 123 runs @ 30.75, SR 71.93, HS 32*, 0 50s, 0 100s.

Freeman Firestorm

Overview:
Despite being the fourth-largest state in the nation, Freeman has by far the lowest population number, with only one main city and a number of smaller ones, such as Ketonley and Piltonmouth. As a result, the Freeman Firestorm appears to be easily the weakest across both formats, despite having a few stars of their own. Their depth, though, is somewhat lacking and with only two players, Sean Lake and Zangj Jonjaakh, to have played internationally, it’s a worrying side for the team. However, they’ve been working hard as a collective, and possess what appears to be one of the strongest fielding units in the nation, meaning that they should never be underestimated. Can they pull off a win or two to climb up off the bottom?

General Information:

Main Stadium: Freeman Oval, Freeman (cap. 25,000)
Secondary Stadium: Ketonley Town Oval, Ketonley (cap. 6,000)
Nickname: The Firestorm
Predicted Finish (Lavatory Shield): 6th
Predicted Finish (Cubicle One-Day Cup): 6th
Shield Titles: 0
One-Day Cup Titles: 0
ETFC Appearances: 0
Best ETFC Performance: N/A
LASL Appearances: 0
Best LASL Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Sean Lake (M) - Age 31 (RHB/RM; Batter)
2. (c) Aiden Tasso (M) - Age 33 (LHB/ROS; Batter)
3. Erin Hosbury (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RM; Batter)
4. Zachary Arafase (M) - Age 26 (RHB; Batter)
5. Chelsea Latour (F) - Age 30 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
6. (+) Kieran Force (M) - Age 23 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
7. Joseph Strawfull (M) - Age 35 (RHB/RM; Batter)
8. Zangj Jonjaakh (M) - Age 33 (RHB/RF; Bowler)
9. Anna Huntingfield (F) - Age 33 (LHB/LLS; Bowler)
10. Jason Campton (M) - Age 23 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)
11. Angara Barragai (M) - Age 29 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)

Reserves:

Maddison Takasuka (F) - Age 18 (LHB/RLS; Batter)
Benjamin Mostre (M) - Age 24 (LHB; Batter)
James Hemingway (M) - Age 19 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
Scarlett Downes (F) - Age 24 (LHB/LOS; All Rounder)
(+) Jade Rickards (F) - Age 29 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
Amber Homburg (F) - Age 19 (LHB/LFM; All Rounder)
Kevin Rombice (M) - Age 19 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
William Barnes (M) - Age 17 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)
Olivia Bassett (F) - Age 35 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)

International Test Stats (updated to the third test vs The Grearish Union):

Zangj Jonjaakh: 3 matches. 77 runs @ 15.40, SR 100.00, HS 31, 0 50s, 0 100s. 10 wickets @ 52.70, economy 4.88, SR 64.80, BBI 3-70, 0 5-fors.
Sean Lake: 4 matches. 184 runs @ 30.67, SR 56.27, HS 61, 1 50s, 0 100s.

International ODI Stats (updated to East-West Cup ODI final vs The Grearish Union):

Zangj Jonjaakh: 20 matches. 58 runs @ 8.29, SR 81.69, HS 18*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 19 wickets @ 48.37, economy 6.21, SR 46.74, BBI 4-26, 0 5-fors.

New Gloucester Jaguars

Overview:
One of the favourites to take out both the Lavatory Shield and Cubicle One-Day Cup trophies, the New Gloucester Jaguars appear to have a strong side that should be able to finish inside the top two in both tournaments, despite not having as high of a population as one of their main rivals, the Capital Coyotes. Liam Afosha, Oliver Edwards, Mitchell Stein and Juan de Polo are all players in the side that have played for Sylestone, while many others are considered to have a shot in the foreseeable future.Their bowling stocks are plentiful, with four bowlers and four all-rounders in their best XI, giving Liam Afosha what could even be called too many decisions.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Chamberley Cricket Ground, Chamberley (cap. 86,000)
Secondary Stadium: Evergreen Arena, Katham (cap. 15,000)
Nickname: The Jaguars
Predicted Finish (Lavatory Shield): Runners-Up
Predicted Finish (Cubicle One-Day Cup): Champions
Shield Titles: 0
One-Day Cup Titles: 0
ETFC Appearances: 0
Best ETFC Performance: N/A
LASL Appearances: 0
Best LASL Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Caitlyn Freehill (F) - Age 22 (LHB/LMF; All Rounder)
2. Edward Cunningham (M) - Age 28 (RHB/RM; All Rounder)
3. Samuel Cross (M) - Age 21 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
4. (c) Liam Afosha (M) - Age 29 (RHB/ROS; All Rounder)
5. Mitchell Stein (M) - Age 26 (LHB/LM; Batter)
6. Oliver Edwards (M) - Age 21 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
7. (+) Ashton Stealom (M) - Age 29 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
8. Juan de Polo (M) - Age 26 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
9. Milan Poci (M) - Age 30 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)
10. Samuel Scron (M) - Age 23 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
11. Leo Njata (M) - Age 27 (RHB/RF; Bowler)

Reserves:

Ava Fantl (F) - Age 16 (RHB/RM; Batter)
Jason Stolhead (M) - Age 32 (LHB; Batter)
Ashley Jefferis (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
Claudia Taylor (F) - Age 35 (LHB/RM; Batter)
Amelia Olden (F) - Age 29 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
(+) Victor Stonton (M) - Age 31 (RHB; Batter)
Sara Kingsmill (F) - Age 23 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)
Andrew Ambrize (M) - Age 24 (LHB/LF; Bowler)
Lily Bodenweiser (F) - Age 25 (LHB/LOS; Bowler)

International Test Stats (updated to the third test vs The Grearish Union):

Liam Afosha: 5 matches. 344 runs @ 34.40, SR 74.14, HS 139, 1 50s, 1 100s. 16 wickets @ 25.69, economy 3.61, SR 42.75, BBI 3-39, 0 5-fors.
Juan de Polo: 1 match. 37 runs @ 18.50, SR 48.68, HS 33, 0 50s, 0 100s. 4 wickets @ 34.25, economy 3.43, SR 60.00, BBI 2-67, 0 5-fors.
Mitchell Stein: 1 match. 56 runs @ 28.00, SR 39.16, HS 56, 1 50s, 0 100s.

International ODI Stats (updated to East-West Cup ODI final vs The Grearish Union):

Liam Afosha: 31 matches. 1088 runs @ 54.40, SR 103.93, HS 134, 5 50s, 3 100s. 16 wickets @ 65.19, economy 5.70, SR 68.56, BBI 4-23, 0 5-fors.
Oliver Edwards: 6 matches. 116 runs @ 23.20, SR 119.59, HS 72, 1 50s, 0 100s. 0 wickets @ N/A, economy 11.00, SR N/A, BBI 0-22, 0 5-fors.

South Sylestone Scorpions

Overview:
Despite all of Betham’s sporting prowess, the Sylestonean state cricket side that hails from here is far from the best in the nation, with the city’s four million residents pretty much the only urban area of note in the entire state, with Tuthambedon the next largest at only a bit over 100,000 residents. This gives the state a slight population disadvantage, which is unfortunately shown in their cricket team. Still, it remains a strong side, with the likes of Chloe Anderson being awarded the captaincy at just 23 years of age, as well as Norbert Pistecial and Samuel Creln being present in the side. They will be a tough nut to crack and is really a bit of an unknown force, but whether they have the side to challenge the New Gloucester Jaguars, Capital Cougars or even the Suffolk Seals is slightly improbable, especially away from home.


General Information:

Main Stadium: Betham Cricket Ground (cap. 43,000)
Secondary Stadium: Tutham Oval, Tuthambedon (cap. 68,000)
Nickname: The Scorpions
Predicted Finish (Lavatory Shield): 5th
Predicted Finish (Cubicle One-Day Cup): 4th
Shield Titles: 0
One-Day Cup Titles: 0
ETFC Appearances: 0
Best ETFC Performance: N/A
LASL Appearances: 0
Best LASL Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Mary Coventry (F) - Age 28 (RHB; Batter)
2. Samuel Creln (M) - Age 29 (LHB/LLS; Batter)
3. Patrick Shotenham (M) - Age 24 (RHB/RM; Batter)
4. Amber Luke (F) - Age 25 (RHB/RM; Batter)
5. (c) Chloe Anderson (F) - Age 23 (LHB/LLS; All Rounder)
6. Angelina Hodel (F) - Age 27 (LHB/LFM; All Rounder)
7. (+) Adam Lonelet (M) - Age 33 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
8. Norbert Pistecial (M) - Age 23 (LHB/LFM; All Rounder)
9. Ethan Nosten (M) - Age 31 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)
10. Leo Codrington (M) - Age 25 (RHB/RF; Bowler)
11. Osten Lovia (M) - Age 23 (LHB/LLS; Bowler)

Reserves:

Nicholas Lovia (M) - Age 22 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
Peter Shopkin (M) - Age 30 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
Austin Oltin (M) - Age 32 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
Lauren Stout (F) - Age 24 (RHB/RMF; All Rounder)
Jack Fushui (M) - Age 35 (LHB; Batter)
Holly Lambe (F) - Age 35 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
(+) Matthew Clopp (M) - Age 31 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
Ryan Jones (M) - Age 34 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)
Isabel Liardet (F) - Age 30 (LHB/LOS; Bowler)

International Test Stats (updated to the third test vs The Grearish Union):

Chloe Anderson: 4 matches. 239 runs @ 29.88, SR 59.45, HS 58, 2 50s, 0 100s. 1 wicket @ 118.00, economy 3.47, SR 204.00, BBI 1-32, 0 5-fors.
Samuel Creln: 3 matches. 101 runs @ 20.20, SR 43.72, HS 70, 1 50s, 0 100s.
Norbert Pistecial: 9 matches. 447 runs @ 31.93, SR 71.52, HS 100, 0 50s, 1 100s. 32 wickets @ 26.16, economy 2.96, SR 53.09, BBI 5-47, 1 5-fors.

International ODI Stats (updated to East-West Cup ODI final vs The Grearish Union):

Chloe Anderson: 8 matches. 253 runs @ 36.14, SR 93.01, HS 65, 3 50s, 0 100s. 0 wickets @ N/A, economy 6.50, SR N/A, BBI 0-26, 0 5-fors.
Norbert Pistecial: 32 matches. 314 runs @ 22.43, SR 104.32, HS 37*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 41 wickets @ 38.20, economy 5.42, SR 42.29, BBI 4-43, 0 5-fors.

Suffolk Seals

Overview:
The state of Suffolk may not have any of Sylestone’s largest cities in it, but the myriad of smaller cities it contains creates a diverse spread of cricketers, capable of playing in all conditions. The side looks like one to challenge both titles for this season, with Luke Tiati, Lachlan Cocrine, Talvin Mankira and Georgia Haines having earned national caps before, with there being no weak links in a very strong side. With emerging batter Brianna Eastwood listed at number seven despite having one of the best techniques in the nation, the Seals’ batting lineup is certainly a major threat to any bowling attack, particularly on a ground such as Bolton Oval in Pesfield.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Bolton Oval, Pesfield (cap. 50,000)
Secondary Stadium: Dodle Furnace, Dodle (cap. 25,000)
Nickname: The Seals
Predicted Finish (Lavatory Shield): Champions
Predicted Finish (Cubicle One-Day Cup): 3rd
Shield Titles: 0
One-Day Cup Titles: 0
ETFC Appearances: 0
Best ETFC Performance: N/A
LASL Appearances: 0
Best LASL Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. (c) (+) Luke Tiati (M) - Age 28 (LHB; Wicketkeeper)
2. Peter Cuniry (M) - Age 32 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
3. Peter Longlege (M) - Age 20 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
4. Lachlan Cocrine (M) - Age 25 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
5. Ashley Millen (F) - Age 27 (RHB/RLS; Batter)
6. Fergus Stanton (M) - Age 22 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
7. Brianna Eastwood (F) - Age 20 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
8. Shaun Clapiope (M) - Age 30 (LHB/LF; Bowler)
9. Ross Amitt (M) - Age 29 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
10. Talvin Mankira (M) - Age 28 (LHB/LF; Bowler)
11. Georgia Haines (F) - Age 29 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)

Reserves:

Andrew Nicholson (M) - Age 36 (RHB/RM; Batter)
Hannah Gilroy (F) - Age 19 (RHB/RMF; All Rounder)
Matthew Stopling (M) - Age 31 (LHB; Batter)
Isla Trefl (F) - Age 26 (LHB/LM)
Leah Bacon (F) - Age 34 (RHB/LOS; All Rounder)
(+) Austin Placea (M) - Age 24 (LHB; Wicketkeeper)
Layla Mackersey (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
Thomas Strand (M) - Age 25 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
Eve Lenehan (F) - Age 24 (LHB/RLS; Bowler)

International Test Stats (updated to the third test vs The Grearish Union):

Lachlan Cocrine: 1 match. 48 runs @ 24.00, SR 72.73, HS 48, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Talvin Mankira: 3 matches. 24 runs @ 8.00, SR 27.91, HS 15, 0 50s, 0 100s. 9 wickets @ 32.89, economy 3.59, SR 55.00, BBI 3-34, 0 5-fors.
Luke Tiati: 10 matches. 872 runs @ 48.44, SR 51.87, HS 177, 3 50s, 2 100s.

International ODI Stats (updated to East-West Cup ODI final vs The Grearish Union):

Lachlan Cocrine: 24 matches. 564 runs @ 31.33, SR 85.20, HS 121*, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Georgia Haines: 2 matches. 2 wickets @ 70.50, economy 7.05, SR 60.00, BBI 1-68, 0 5-fors.
Luke Tiati: 33 matches. 1632 runs @ 54.40, SR 94.72, HS 167*, 9 50s, 5 100s.

[Sylestone]

CRASH N’ SMASH



Season Three

After two seasons have flown under the radar as a way of building a solid core of players to bring to the Sylestonean national Twenty-20 team, the Crash n’ Smash has run a serious revamp as the games are broadcast far more widely to the public. Each of the 61 games will be televised on free-to-air television, and the games will be well advertised in order to ensure maximum capacity crowds. In addition, the tournament will not only contain some of the best homegrown players throughout the nation but a number of overseas players, too. Each club had a cap of four overseas players to place in their 20-team squads, a cap only the Betham Dogs and Scorching Hot Dodle opted to benefit from.

The eight sides, hailing from Avondale, Betham, Chamberley, Cleorough, Dodle, Dunkirk, Halpenley and Pesfield, will play out a home-and-away season spanning 56 matches, before the top five will go to the finals. Here, the top two will play for a spot in the final (Qualifier), while the fourth and fifth playoff in the first Eliminator. The winner of the first Eliminator will go to the second Eliminator, where the winner of that will play the loser of the Qualifier in the Challenger. The winner of the Challenger progresses to the final, to be played at the winner of the Qualifier’s home ground.

Each team will have three stadiums that they shall be playing games at, with at least one being classified as ‘regional’. The main stadium will host four of the seven home matches, while the secondary one will host two and the tertiary one just the one. In addition, the main stadium will host all home final games, of which at least one is guaranteed for a top four side.

Avondale Knights

Overview:
Following their finish as runners-up in the previous season of the Crash n’ Smash, the Avondale Knights will be out for blood as they seek their first-ever title. They appear to have one of the better sides in the competition, with bowling certainly a strength. With the likes of Grearish spinner Emmie Samuel, Joshua Vilesti, Georgia Haines and Malcolm Marshall as the side’s bottom four batters, runs will be tough for opposition players to capitalise upon. The Knights’ batting unit looks slightly weaker, but still, there is nothing to complain about when Ko-orenite Moses Scovell, Yash Ubuni and young Caitlyn Freehill are your top three, with a Tumbran in at four. Therefore, the Knights will certainly be a difficult unit to dislodge, but with a strong, determined opposition, far from impossible.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Capital Stadium, Avondale (cap. 100,000)
Secondary Stadium: Heritage Stadium, Avondale (cap. 21,000)
Tertiary Stadium: Town Oval, Hageling (cap. 8,000)
Nickname: The Knights
Previous Season: Runners-up
Predicted Finish: Runners-up
Titles: 0
CLT20 Appearances: 1
Best CLT20 Performance: Round of 16

First XI (in batting order):

1. Moses Scovell  (M) - Age 20 (LHB/LM; Batter)
2. (+) Yash Ubuni (M) - Age 35 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
3. Caitlyn Freehill (F) - Age 22 (LHB/LMF; All Rounder)
4. Richard Bremner  (M) - Age 30 (LHB; Batter)
5. Kieran Force (M) - Age 23 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
6. Fergus Stanton (M) - Age 22 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
7. Mariam Oldacre (F) - Age 27 (RHB; Batter)
8. Malcolm Marshall (M) - Age 31 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
9. (c) Joshua Vilesti (M) - Age 32 (RHB/RF; Bowler)
10. Emmie Samuel  (M) - Age 29 (LHB/ROS; Bowler)
11. Georgia Haines (F) - Age 29 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)

Reserves

Holly Paling (F) - Age 20 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
Joseph Strawfull (M) - Age 35 (RHB/RM; Batter)
Ashley Jefferis (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
Sophia Locke (F) - Age 22 (LHB/RLS; Batter)
Chloe Heathershaw (F) - Age 23 (LHB/LOS; All Rounder)
Sara Kingsmill (F) - Age 23 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)
Olivia Bassett (F) - Age 35 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Richard Bremner: Unknown
Georgia Haines: 1 match. 0 wickets @ N/A, economy 11.67, SR N/A, BBI 0-35, 0 4-fors.
Yash Ubuni: 1 match. 8 runs @ 8.00, SR 100.00, HS 8, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Joshua Vilesti: 23 matches. 5 runs @ 5.00, SR 83.33, HS 5*, 0 5s, 0 100s. 22 wickets @ 30.45, economy 7.82, SR 23.36, BBI 2-27, 0 4-fors.

Betham Dogs

Overview:
Despite only coming seventh and fourth in the past two seasons of the Crash n’ Smash, the Betham Dogs appear to have a unit that could certainly challenge the top. While the side may not look quite as strong as the Chamberley Giants or Avondale Knights on paper, the fact that they have used all four slots for international players in their lineup shows that the team management is determined to put their best foot forward to take out their first title. With two Ko-orenites, a Bruxoan and an Ethanian alongside some of Sylestone’s prominent fringe players, such as Sean Polen, Patrick Shotenham and Edward Cunningham, the Dogs may well stand a chance at a top two position.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Betham Cricket Ground, Betham (cap. 43,000)
Secondary Stadium: Flush Park, Kirkham (cap. 35,000)
Tertiary Stadium: Tutham Oval, Tuthambedon (cap. 18,000)
Nickname: The Dogs
Previous Season: 4th
Predicted Finish: 4th
Titles: 0
CLT20 Appearances: 0
Best CLT20 Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. (c) Edward Cunningham (M) - Age 28 (RHB/RM; All Rounder)
2. (+) Amy Helms (F) - Age 35 (LHB/LM; Wicketkeeper)
3. Nicholas Lovia (M) - Age 22 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
4. Catbug Demoncast  (M) - Age 25 (LHB; Batter)
5. Patrick Shotenham (M) - Age 24 (RHB/RM; Batter)
6. Ronald Taylor  (M) - Age 23 (LHB/LM; All Rounder)
7. Shaun Clapiope (M) - Age 30 (LHB/LF; All Rounder)
8. Sean Polen (M) - Age 35 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
9. Chelsea Latour (F) - Age 30 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
10. Lasrewll yChallril  (M) - Age 23 (LHB/LLS; Bowler)
11. Edward Hillock  (M) - Age 20 (LHB/LF; Bowler)

Reserves:

Adam Lonelet (M) - Age 33 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
Peter Shopkin (M) - Age 30 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
Lauren Stout (F) - Age 24 (RHB/RMF; All Rounder)
Mary Geach (F) - Age 19 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
Molly Dixon (F) - Age 21 (LHB/LOS; Bowler)
Ryan Jones (M) - Age 34 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)
Ethan Nosten (M) - Age 31 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Catbug Demoncast: Unknown
Edward Hillock: Unknown
Sean Polen: 4 matches. 14 runs @ N/A, SR 175.00, HS 14*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 2 wickets @ 66.50, economy 9.28, SR 43.00, BBI 2-37, 0 4-fors.
Ronald Taylor: Unknown

Chamberley Giants

Overview:
Well, what a side this is. The Chamberley Giants, the side who won both of the first two editions of the Crash n’ Smash, are back and looking better than ever. With only two players in their proposed starting XI that have never had a T20 international cap, the Giants appear to possess by far the strongest unit of all, bolstered by internationals Dewayne Goolsby, Eli Hunniford and Oscar Bowles. After much debate and discussion, Goolsby was handed the captaincy over the likes of Lachlan Cocrine, Liam Afosha and Simon Monteane, and will do a splendid job leading from the front. With an astonishing side on paper, the only thing that appears to be stopping the Giants is whether they can gel together. If so, then watch out, for they will not be leaving anyone in their trail of destruction.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Chamberley Cricket Ground, Chamberley (cap. 86,000)
Secondary Stadium: Freeman Oval, Freeman (cap. 25,000)
Tertiary Stadium: Katham Oval (cap. 13,000)
Nickname: The Giants
Previous Season: Champions
Predicted Finish: Champions
Titles: 2
CLT20 Appearances: 2
Best CLT20 Performance: Quarterfinals

First XI (in batting order):

1. Simon Monteane (M) - Age 25 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
2. Lachlan Edwards (M) - Age 20 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
3. Lachlan Cocrine (M) - Age 25 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
4. Oliver Edwards (M) - Age 21 (RHB/ROS; Wicketkeeper)
5. Liam Afosha (M) - Age 29 (RHB/ROS; All Rounder)
6. (c) Dewayne Goolsby  (M) - Age 33 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
7. (+) Eli Hunniford  (M) - Age 32 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
8. Broughton Hall (M) - Age 22 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)
9. Samuel Scron (M) - Age 23 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
10. Leo Njata (M) - Age 27 (RHB/RF; Bowler)
11. Oscar Bowles  (M) - Age 24 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)

Reserves:

Maddison Takasuka (F) - Age 18 (LHB/RLS; All Rounder)
Xander Forsheish (M) - Age 30 (RHB/LOS; Batter)
Mary Coventry (F) - Age 28 (RHB; Batter)
Amelia Olden (F) - Age 29 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
Amber Luke (F) - Age 25 (RHB/RM; Batter)
Amber Homburg (F) - Age 19 (LHB/LFM; Bowler)
Eve Lenehan (F) - Age 24 (LHB/RLS; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Liam Afosha: 24 matches. 463 runs @ 42.09, SR 142.02, HS 54*, 2 50s, 0 100s. 15 wickets @ 42.07, economy 7.77, SR 32.47, BBI 4-23, 1 4-fors.
Oscar Bowles: Unknown
Lachlan Cocrine: 24 matches. 841 runs @ 44.25, SR 168.20, HS 104*, 7 50s, 1 100s.
Lachlan Edwards: 3 matches. 23 runs @ 11.50, SR 135.29, HS 12*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 1 wicket @ 14.00, economy 6.00, SR 14.00, BBI 1-14, 0 4-fors.
Oliver Edwards: 15 matches. 107 runs @ 26.75, SR 178.33, HS 19, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Dewayne Goolsby: Unknown
Broughton Hall: 23 matches. 12 runs @ 4.00, SR 80.00, HS 6*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 36 wickets @ 17.25, economy 6.90, SR 15.00, BBI 5-24, 1 4-fors.
Eli Hunniford: Unknown
Simon Monteane: 23 matches. 545 runs @ 25.95, SR 131.01, HS 71, 5 50s, 0 100s.

Cleorough Devils

Overview:
Historically a middling side, the Cleorough Devils have focused on garnering local talent, rather than that coming from overseas as they seek to finally come out of the blocks and secure themselves inside the top three or four in the competition, if not higher. With Ko-orenite Blaine Risewell the Devils’ only international, the side does not look great at first glance, but as you look closer, many names begin to pop out to form quite a strong core. Every single player in the starting XI appears to have a chance, slim or not, of making the international scene at some point, with four already having caps in at least one format. As a result, the Devils will certainly take some beating and it will be interesting to see how far they can go.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Cleorough Stadium, Cleorough (cap. 57,500)
Secondary Stadium: Greenhill Oval, Kirton (cap. 20,000)
Tertiary Stadium: The Showground, Chisbuton (cap. 5,000)
Nickname: The Devils
Previous Season: 4th
Predicted Finish: 5th
Titles: 0
CLT20 Appearances: 0
Best CLT20 Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Taylah Monnier (F) - Age 23 (LHB/LM; Batter)
2. (c) Daniel Fomleya (M) - Age 34 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
3. Aiden Tasso (M) - Age 33 (LHB/ROS; All Rounder)
4. Brock Westleford (M) - Age 26 (LHB/LM; Batter)
5. Zachary Charlton (M) - Age 30 (LHB/LM; Batter)
6. (+) Ashton Stealom (M) - Age 29 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
7. Blaine Risewell  (M) - Age 25 (RHB/RF; All Rounder)
8. Nathan Norwell (M) - Age 24 (LHB/RMF; All Rounder)
9. Juan de Polo (M) - Age 26 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
10. Phoebe Wright (F) - Age 32 (LHB/LFM; Bowler)
11. Kate Sonnel (F) - Age 16 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)

Aidan Silas (M) - Age 21 (RHB; Batter)
Charlie Greeves (M) - Age 23 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
Austin Oltin (M) - Age 32 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
Matthew Clopp (M) - Age 31 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
Andrew Ambrize (M) - Age 24 (LHB/LF; Bowler)
Oliver Cooke (M) - Age 34 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)
Angelina Marlowe (M) - Age 23 (RHB/LOS; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Zachary Charlton: 4 matches. 18 runs @ 6.00, SR 105.88, HS 10, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Juan de Polo: 4 matches. 9 wickets @ 11.44, economy 6.72, SR 10.22, BBI 3-22, 0 4-fors.
Daniel Fomleya: 24 matches. 546 runs @ 27.30, SR 129.08, HS 85*, 4 50s, 0 100s. 0 wickets @ N/A, economy 9.50, SR N/A, BBI 0-7, 0 4-fors.
Blaine Risewell: Unknown

Dunkirk Rovers

Overview:
Despite having some strong local talent, the Dunkirk Rovers, coming off two eighth-placed finishes in a row, do not appear to have the side that could really even challenge the top few. However, the introduction of Maida Mcleroy from the Grearish Union will help bolster their batting department and with the likes of Norbert Pistecial, Peter Lenton and Erin Hosbury also in the side, they are certainly not one to sleep on. Will they be able to pull off enough wins to finally make it off the bottom of the table, or will they continue their struggles down there?

General Information:

Main Stadium: Jameson Oval, Dunkirk (cap. 31,200)
Secondary Stadium: Evergreen Arena, Emacuton (cap. 15,000)
Tertiary Stadium: Coastline Showground, Garretty (cap. 6,675)
Nickname: The Rovers
Previous Season: 8th
Predicted Finish: 8th
Titles: 0
CLT20 Appearances: 0
Best CLT20 Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. (+) Connor Alkina (M) - Age 28 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
2. Peter Cuniry (M) - Age 32 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
3. Maida Mcleroy  (F) - Age 28 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
4. Peter Longlege (M) - Age 20 (LHB/LOS; All Rounder)
5. (c) Peter Lenton (M) - Age 33 (RHB/RM; Batter)
6. Riley Accrington (M) - Age 20 (RHB/ROS; All Rounder)
7. Erin Hosbury (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RM; Batter)
8. Norbert Pistecial (M) - Age 23 (LHB/LFM; All Rounder)
9. Milan Poci (M) - Age 30 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)
10. Shawn Lampe (M) - Age 34 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
11. Percy Benedict (M) - Age 27 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)

Reserves:

Austin Placea (M) - Age 24 (LHB; Wicketkeeper)
Ruby Croll (F) - Age 29 (LHB/LOS; Batter)
Jason Stolhead (M) - Age 32 (LHB; Batter)
Kevin Rombice (M) - Age 19 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
Jack Fushui (M) - Age 35 (LHB; Batter)
Jorja Curran (F) - Age 30 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)
Isabel Liardet (F) - Age (LHB/LOS; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Peter Lenton: 7 matches. 55 runs @ 27.50, SR 110.00, HS 15, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Maida Mcleroy: Unknown
Norbert Pistecial: 23 matches. 74 runs @ 18.50, SR 112.12, HS 33*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 25 wickets @ 29.16, economy 7.92, SR 22.08, BBI 3-22, 0 4-fors.

Halpenley Lightning

Overview:
Despite having a side that did not seem to be able to challenge the top two or three in the opening season of the Crash n’ Smash, the Halpenley Lightning somehow pulled off nine wins and a draw to finish above the Avondale Knights in second place and earning themselves a spot in the tenth CLT20, the first Sylestone would participate in. Despite only winning two of their eight games in the group stage, it had been a superb performance from the Lightning to even get that far. However, the following season, they were back down to seventh and for this season, it looks like they’ll be down there once again.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Halpenley City Oval, Halpenley (cap. 35,000)
Secondary Stadium: Wagham Stadium, Conton (cap. 17,000)
Tertiary Stadium: Aerorum Oval, Brethonenil (cap. 2,000)
Nickname: The Lightning
Previous Season: 7th
Predicted Finish: 7th
Titles: 0
CLT20 Appearances: 1
Best CLT20 Performance: Group Stage

First XI (in batting order):

1. Alyssa Fihelly (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RLS; All Rounder)
2. Charles McCrory  (M) - Age 27 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
3. (+) Mitchell Stein (M) - Age 26 (LHB/LM; Wicketkeeper)
4. Cameron Cunnings (M) - Age 29 (RHB; Batter)
5. Jack Martin (M) - Age 21 (LHB/LOS; All Rounder)
6. (c) Samuel Asaskia (M) - Age 24 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
7. James Hemingway (M) - Age 19 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
8. Abbey Kennedy (F) - Age 30 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)
9. Catamite Darkcape  (M) - Age 25 (LHB/LF; Bowler)
10. Leo Codrington (M) - Age 25 (RHB/RF; Bowler)
11. Abhinav Singh (M) - Age (LHB/ROS; Bowler)

Reserves:

Chloe Lazenby (F) - Age 23 (LHB; Wicketkeeper)
Andrew Nicholson (M) - Age 36 (RHB/RM; Batter)
Kyle Nicolls (M) - Age 27 (LHB; Batter)
Ashley Millen (F) - Age 27 (RHB/RLS; Batter)
Luca De Groot (M) - Age 21 (RHB/RF; All Rounder)
Brian Oplica (M) - Age 37 (RHB/ROS; Bowler)
Georgia Biscoe (F) - Age 24 (LHB/LFM; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Catamite Darkcape: Unknown
Jack Martin: 10 matches. 145 runs @ 29.00, SR 157.61, HS 68*, 1 50s, 0 100s. 0 wickets @ N/A, economy 8.80, SR N/A, BBI 0-3, 0 4-fors.
Charles McCrory: Unknown
Mitchell Stein: 2 matches. 4 runs @ N/A, SR 100.00, HS 4*, 0 50s, 0 100s.

Pesfield Wasps

Overview:
Despite finishing 5th and 6th in the first two seasons of the Crash n’ Smash, respectively, a new-look Pesfield Wasps side appears to have the talent to really push for a top three spot, if not higher. With Samuel Petersen, Sharron Irvine and Gary Umbridge all being bought by the club to bolster both their batting and bowling stocks and the addition of some international regulars, such as Luke Tiati and Talvin Mankira alongside a series of fringe players, the Wasps will certainly take some beating, with a balanced side and no real weak links. Can they fulfil their potential and beat the likes of the Giants and Knights to go all the way?

General Information:

Main Stadium: Bolton Oval, Pesfield (cap. 50,000)
Secondary Stadium: The ‘Tato, Tartontation (cap. 6,700)
Tertiary Stadium: Chilseamers Park, Chilseamers (cap. 4,000)
Nickname: The Wasps
Previous Season: 6th
Predicted Finish: 3rd
Titles: 0
CLT20 Appearances: 0
Best CLT20 Performance: N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Jonah Appleby (M) - Age 27 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
2. (c) (+) Luke Tiati (M) - Age 28 (LHB; Wicketkeeper)
3. Zachary Arafase (M) - Age 26 (RHB; Batter)
4. Gary Umbridge  (M) - Age 33 (RHB; Batter)
5. Samuel Cross (M) - Age 21 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
6. Holly Cranston  (F) - Age 24 (LHB/LOS; All Rounder)
7. Erin Andronicus (F) - Age 22 (RHB/RM; Batter)
8. Zangj Jonjaakh (M) - Age 33 (RHB/RF; All Rounder)
9. Osten Lovia (M) - Age 23 (LHB/LLS; Bowler)
10. Talvin Mankira (M) - Age 28 (LHB/LF; Bowler)
11. Sharron Irvine  (F) - Age 32 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)

Reserves:

Hannah Gilroy (F) - Age 19 (RHB/RMF; All Rounder)
Daniel Hall (M) - Age 31 (LHB/RLS; All Rounder)
Fergus Crena (M) - Age 29 (LHB; Batter)
Leah Bacon (F) - Age 34 (RHB/LOS; All Rounder)
Lily Bodenweiser (F) - Age 25 (LHB/LOS; Bowler)
Jason Campton (M) - Age 23 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)
Thomas Strand (M) - Age 25 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Holly Cranston: Unknown
Sharron Irvine: 6 matches. 13 runs @ 13.00, SR 86.67, HS 7, 0 50s, 0 100s. 6 wickets @ 32.33, economy 8.82, SR 22.00, BBI 2-27, 0 4-fors.
Zangj Jonjaakh: 7 matches. 38 runs @ 38.00, SR 237.50, HS 20*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 3 wickets @ 70.67, economy 9.22, SR 46.00, BBI 1-23, 0 4-fors.
Talvin Mankira: 9 matches. 6 runs @ N/A, SR 75.00, HS 6*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 9 wickets @ 31.22, economy 8.26, SR 22.67, BBI 2-35, 0 4-fors.
Luke Tiati: 24 matches. 836 runs @ 36.35, SR 133.76, HS 108*, 5 50s, 1 100s.
Gary Umbridge: Unknown

Scorching Hot Dodle

Overview:
Finally, we’ve come to the end. After finishing sixth in the now-defunct second division in the opening season of the Crash n’ Smash, Scorching Hot Dodle were given the opportunity to join the top league as the teams narrowed from sixteen to eight for the second edition. From there, the Scorchers had a season from the ages, finishing in third place in the group stage before pushing the Avondale Knights to the very end in the semifinal, signalling a coming of age from the mountainous side. This season, their ranks have been bolstered by four internationals; Panu Tripathi, Dharmendra Reddy, Roderick Hale and Samuel Petersen to build what looks like a side that could really push for the top two if they can gel together.

General Information:

Main Stadium: Dodle Furnace (cap. 25,000)
Secondary Stadium: Eastern Sylestone Cricket Ground, Marbury (cap. 16,000)
Tertiary Stadium: Nordic Stadium, Oslolihul (cap. 10,000)
Nickname: The Scorchers
Previous Season: 3rd
Predicted Finish: 6th
Titles: 0
CLT20 Appearances: 0
Best CLT20 Performance:N/A

First XI (in batting order):

1. Sean Lake (M) - Age 31 (RHB/RM; Batter)
2. Dharmendra Reddy  (M) - Age 26 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
3. Roderick Hale   (M) - Age 25 (RHB; Batter)
4. (c) Chloe Anderson (F) - Age 23 (LHB/LLS; All Rounder)
5. Brianna Eastwood (F) - Age 20 (RHB/ROS; Batter)
6. Samuel Petersen  (M) - Age 28 (RHB/RF; All Rounder)
7. (+) Victor Stonton (M) - Age 31 (RHB; Wicketkeeper)
8. Ross Amitt (M) - Age 29 (RHB/RMF; Bowler)
9. Anna Huntingfield (F) - Age 33 (LHB/LLS; Bowler)
10. Panu Tripathi   (M) - Age 23 (RHB/RLS; Bowler)
11. Angara Barragai (M) - Age 29 (RHB/RFM; Bowler)

Reserves:

Matthew Stopling (M) - Age 31 (LHB; Batter)
Abigail Tozer (F) - Age 21 (RHB/RMF; Batter)
Andy Rombigo (M) - Age 21 (LHB/ROS; Batter)
Redmond Rombigo (M) - Age 21 (LHB/LM; Batter)
Layla Mackersey (F) - Age 20 (RHB/RFM; All Rounder)
Gabrielle Bradley (F) - Age 33 (LHB/ROS; Bowler)
Layla Milerum (F) - Age 26 (LHB/LFM; Bowler)

International T20 Stats (updated to EspoT20 I final vs The Licentian Isles):

Chloe Anderson: 4 matches. 52 runs @ 26.00, SR 130.00, HS 26*, 0 50s, 0 100s. 0 wickets @ N/A, economy 7.33, SR N/A, BBI 0-9, 0 4-fors.
Roderick Hale: 6 matches. 210 runs @ 52.50, SR 176.47, HS 71*, 2 50s, 0 100s.
Sean Lake: 1 match. 7 runs @ 7.00, SR 116.67, HS 7, 0 50s, 0 100s.
Samuel Petersen: Unknown
Dharmendra Reddy: Unknown
Panu Tripathi: Unknown