[SUBMITTED] Hit Me With Your Best Shot

[Jim the Baptist]

This issue is co-authored by Dabarastan.

This is meant to be a lead-on from issue 64, option 1, where nations have introduced corporal punishment in schools.

The Issue
After recently sanctioning the use of corporal punishment in schools, parents against the use of violence are pulling their children out of the classroom and opting into homeschooling instead. Now, local education boards have expressed their joint concern over the quality of students' education, noting that most parents are not qualified to teach the school curriculum.

1- One of the concerned mothers enters your office waving a wooden ruler and wheeling a portable whiteboard. "Now you listen here, @@leader@@. No talking and eyes up front. The problem isn't our teaching skills, it's the under-financed state homeschooling program. We have a right to decide what's best for our babies - and that's the safe, friendly environment of homeschooling. If we had some decent resources ​​– say 6 months' training and the latest in textbooks and educational technology – we'd probably teach even better than those sadistic bullies you call teachers. Now, if you really believe in corporal punishment, why don’t you come over here and face the wrath of my ruler!"
Effect: the nation's children are known throughout @@region@@ for their reclusiveness and social ineptitude

2- "Seriously @@leader@@, these are the uneducated morons you want educating the next generation of @@demonymplural@@?" scoffs @@randomname@@, Principal of @@capital@@ Elementary. "Frankly speaking, homeschooling is baby-schooling and ought to be outlawed. Study after study has shown that students fearful for their lives perform at least seven percent better on standardised tests. Tell the coppers to round up those little cowards, and I'll personally see to it that the buggers get the paddlin' of their lifetimes!"
Effect: students better believe that even paddlin' the school canoe will lead to the paddlin' of their lifetime

3- Famous television hypnotist Charles Boggleballs dangles a hypnotic swirl on a spindle in front of your face. "Look here, @@leader@@, you are feeling very sleepy… Listen carefully to my instructions. This afternoon, you will voluntarily relinquish control of all @@demonymadjective@@ schools to me and my battalion of loyal disciples. Through hypnosis, we will have your disobedient youth practically whipping themselves in mere hours. Your government will be extremely delighted by my work, and will offer to pay me handsomely in reward. Now, when I click my fingers, you will open your wallet and pour the contents into this bag here."
Effect: important meetings are often interrupted by the sound of @@leader@@ spontaneously clucking like a chicken

4- "We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control!" protests neighbourhood delinquent Little Jimmy. "School is hella lame! Stop forcing us to do stuff we don't wanna do and close those jails you call classrooms. Fact is, I've learned more life lessons at my part-time chimney-sweepin' job than I ever have from a teacher. Nobody cares how gravity works; help us find decent jobs and we'll show you how fast us kids can really learn."
Effect: children can't read but they sure know how to sweep a good chimney

After recently sanctioning the use of corporal punishment in schools, parents against the use of violence are pulling their children out of the classroom and opting into homeschooling instead. Now, local education boards have expressed their joint concern over the quality of students' education, noting that parents are not qualified to teach the school curriculum.

1- One of the concerned mothers enters your office waving a wooden ruler and wheeling a portable whiteboard. "Now you listen here, @@leader@@. No talking and eyes up front. The problem isn't our teaching skills, it's the under-financed state homeschooling program. We have a right to decide what's best for our babies - and that's the safe, friendly environment of homeschooling. If we had some decent resources ​​– say 6 months' training and the latest in textbooks and educational technology – we'd probably teach even better than those sadistic bullies you call teachers. Now, if you really believe in corporal punishment, why don’t you come over here and face the wrath of my ruler!"
Effect: the nation's children are known throughout @@region@@ for their reclusiveness and social ineptitude

2- "Seriously @@leader@@, these are the uneducated morons you want educating the next generation of @@demonymplural@@?" scoffs @@randomname@@, Principal of @@capital@@ Elementary. "Frankly speaking, homeschooling is baby-schooling and ought to be outlawed. Study after study has shown that students fearful for their lives perform at least seven percent better on standardised tests. Tell the coppers to round up those little cowards, and I'll personally see to it that the buggers get the paddlin' of their lifetimes!"
Effect: students better believe that even paddlin' the school canoe will lead to the paddlin' of their lifetime

3- Famous television hypnotist Charles Boggleballs dangles a hypnotic swirl on a spindle in front of your face. "Look here, @@leader@@, you are feeling very sleepy… Listen carefully to my instructions. Today, you will decree that every @@demonymadjective@@ school child shall attend one of my Mass-Hypnosis Spectaculars, specially formulated to have disobedient youth practically whipping themselves in a matter of hours. Your government will be extremely delighted by my work, and will offer to pay me handsomely in reward. Now, when I click my fingers, you will open your wallet and pour the contents into this bag here."
Effect: important meetings are often interrupted by the sound of @@leader@@ spontaneously clucking like a chicken

4- "We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control!" protests neighbourhood delinquent Little Jimmy. "School is hella lame! Stop forcing us to do stuff we don't wanna do and close those jails you call classrooms. Fact is, I've learned more life lessons at my part-time chimney-sweepin' job than I ever have from a teacher. Nobody cares how gravity works; help us find decent jobs and we'll show you how fast us kids can really learn."
Effect: children can't read but they sure know how to sweep a good chimney

After recently permitting the use of corporal punishment in schools, more and more students are opting into homeschooling to avoid paddlings on their backsides. Busy parents have had a gutful, claiming they are unprepared and unable to take on the new workload.

1- You play a message on your answering machine from one of the parents. "Now you listen here, @@leader@@. I represent all of the concerned mums and dads, and we're willing to make a fair deal. We won't contest your barbaric policy, but we want support to homeschool our babies. I'm talking six months' teacher training, new and updated textbooks, computers for every student and paid time-off work. Since there's less kids in school, you can take the money from those bully teachers' salaries after you fire them."
Effect: the nation’s children are known throughout @@region@@ for their reclusiveness and social ineptitude

2- "So you basically want to roll up our kids in bubble wrap so they can never develop a respect for authority?" scoffs @@randomname@@, Principal of @@capital@@ Elementary. "Homeschooling is baby-schooling - truancy should be illegal and perpetrators ought to be arrested like any other criminal. Entrust me, @@leader@@, and I'll personally bring back those little wimps for the paddlin' of their lifetime. Talking out of turn? That’s a paddlin'. Looking out the window? That’s a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that’s a paddlin'."
Effect: kids come home from school bloodied, beaten and bruised

3- Famous television hypnotist Charles Boggleballs dangles a hypnotic swirl on a spindle in front of your face. "Look here, @@leader@@, you are feeling very sleepy… You will give me five minutes with each student, and through hypnosis, I'll get them so compliant they'll practically whip themselves. You will be extremely delighted by my work, and will offer to pay me handsomely in reward. Now, when I click my fingers, you will open your wallet and pour the contents into this bag here."
Effect: the nation is at the mercy of Charles Boggleballs’ hypnotic swirl

4- "We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control!" protests neighbourhood delinquent Little Jimmy. "School is hella lame! Stop forcing us to do stuff we don't wanna do and close those jails you call classrooms. Fact is, I've learned more life lessons through my part-time chimney-sweepin' work than I ever have from a teacher. Nobody cares how gravity works; help us find decent jobs and we'll show you how fast us kids can really learn."
Effect: children can’t read but they sure know how to sweep a good chimney

The Issue

After your government recently permitted the use of corporal punishment in schools, a highly vocal group of concerned parents are reporting that their children are refusing to attend in fear of severe and unusual punishments.

1- "Yesterday I came home to find my two babies trembling in my wardrobe, battered and bruised by those sadistic teachers at the school," the group's spokesperson @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@ laments. "My daughter reported her teacher issuing 6 wet willies in one day, and my sweet little Jason's teacher urinated all over him - all because he couldn’t find the square-root of pi on the abacus! Students should be getting golden stars, not golden showers. Please, @@LEADER@@, think of the children and repeal this barbaric policy!"
Effect: teachers face disciplinary action for failing to smile at their students

2- "While I'd certainly agree that some of the punishments described are… unusual, inflicting pain can be a highly effective method of discipline - as long as we don’t go overboard," refutes your Board of Education Director. "Obviously some teachers tend to get a little 'carried away', which is why we need standardised methods of punishment that inflict pain but don't humiliate or cause permanent damage. No shots above the shoulders, for example, and only with state-sanctioned canes or similarly safe tools that won't leave a mark."
Effect: unruly classroom behaviour is punished with a good old-fashioned pillow fight

3- Mrs Trunchball, principal of @@CAPITAL@@ Elementary and famous for ruling with an iron fist, stomps into the room. "If students would rather stay at home than come to school, we'll make the school their home! We can convert the classrooms into dual live-in facilities and construct armed guard towers to shoot any potential escapees. With students living at school, we'll have less nosy parents breathing down our necks and can beat those little buggers all we want. If they don't like it, then we'll lock 'em in The Chokey!"
Effect: prisoners at @@CAPITAL@@ Elementary are lucky to be granted an hour of sunlight a day

[Candensia]

Follow up issues can be tricky.

Follow up issues should address consequences of a previous decision, they shouldn't relitigate that previous decision. In this case, that's the decision to allow corporal punishment in schools.

You almost indicated a possible situation in your intro.

After your government recently permitted the use of corporal punishment in schools, a highly vocal group of concerned parents are reporting that their children are refusing to attend in fear of severe and unusual punishments.

For example, because corporal punishment was permitted, children refuse to attend school. Homeschooling has skyrocketed, leading to a debate over homeschooling policy. (How long must parents teach, must parents be educated in order to legally teach their children, etc.)

[Dabarastan]

Follow up issues can be tricky.

Follow up issues should address consequences of a previous decision, they shouldn't relitigate that previous decision. In this case, that's the decision to allow corporal punishment in schools.

You almost indicated a possible situation in your intro.

After your government recently permitted the use of corporal punishment in schools, a highly vocal group of concerned parents are reporting that their children are refusing to attend in fear of severe and unusual punishments.

For example, because corporal punishment was permitted, children refuse to attend school. Homeschooling has skyrocketed, leading to a debate over homeschooling policy. (How long must parents teach, must parents be educated in order to legally teach their children, etc.)

Thanks for your feedback. We have rewritten and rejuvenated this issue, hopefully taking on board all of your feedback. We have also changed the title.

[Verdant Haven]

Couple of things with this issue you'll want to address...

1) Children can't just remove themselves from schools and declare that they will be home-schooled. That is an action the parents themselves have to take. The premise doesn't work as written.

2) Home-schooling isn't truancy. As mentioned above, it is a deliberate and formal decision by the child's parents to register them as a home-schooled student.

3) Option 3, while humorous, doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense. 5 minutes with each student? There aren't enough classroom hours in a year to accommodate even a single school district at that rate. Also, remember that effect lines will show up on a nation's main page, and should make sense to anybody reading it. Who is Charles Boggleballs, and why is he important enough that the entire world (IE, every NationStates player) should know and recognize that name in an effect? Probably best to remove him from the effect and see if there is a more general way to get at the idea.

[Dabarastan]

Couple of things with this issue you'll want to address...

1) Children can't just remove themselves from schools and declare that they will be home-schooled. That is an action the parents themselves have to take. The premise doesn't work as written.

2) Home-schooling isn't truancy. As mentioned above, it is a deliberate and formal decision by the child's parents to register them as a home-schooled student.

3) Option 3, while humorous, doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense. 5 minutes with each student? There aren't enough classroom hours in a year to accommodate even a single school district at that rate. Also, remember that effect lines will show up on a nation's main page, and should make sense to anybody reading it. Who is Charles Boggleballs, and why is he important enough that the entire world (IE, every NationStates player) should know and recognize that name in an effect? Probably best to remove him from the effect and see if there is a more general way to get at the idea.

Thank you. We have again updated the draft in line with your suggestions, including a rewrite of the premise (and elements of each option).

Also, we are open to title suggestions. The current name is okay (it's our second go at naming this draft) but we still think there might be some better ideas.

[Australian rePublic]

What if the parents are trained teachers?

[Jim the Baptist]

What if the parents are trained teachers?

Good point, we have changed the premise accordingly to now say 'most parents' instead of just parents.
Also, we edited option 3 to be more practical and fun.

[Dabarastan]

This has been through a few redrafts, and there haven't been any additional comments, so we have put this on last call.