Title: “12 Crying Pre-Teens” or “Court-Appointed (Psychological) Counsel”)
The issue: After @@RANDOMNAME@@, a young pre-teen, was bullied at school for crying while testifying in a criminal trial, the media and concerned parents are pressuring the government into closing trials to the public during the testimony of a minor.
Option 1: “Why should the public see my sweet baby’s thoughts and feelings!?”, cries the victim’s highly protective mother, while shielding @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ from you with a hand-knitted blanket. “No one except the lawyers and judge should be able to see a trial where a minor is present.”
Effect: the @@DENONYM@@ criminal underworld calls child witnesses whenever they need something covered up.
Option 2: “That really doesn’t go far enough”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ex- judge who was impeached for accepting a large bribe. “As a judge, I find it very hard to think with all these cameras pointed in my face. Or journalists scribbling on their notepads. Or members of the public blinking too loud. The court simply cannot function with the media and public disrupting it. I should know— I’m a judge.”
Effect: declassified court settlements often feature a large monetary reward for the judge.
Option 3: “But it was funny, dude!”, says one of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@’s bullies, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while rewatching “ULTIMATE Court FAILS Compilation Ep. 263” for the 4th time. “You guys really should film this stuff and post it on MyTube for ad money… it’ll boost the economy or whatever. I’ll go get my dad’s credit card.”
Effect: traumatized witnesses are asked to testify “once more with feeling!”.
Option 4: “If you’re having so much trouble with witnesses, just get rid of trials”, advises your brother, who has somehow acquired the title of "Secretary of Various Duties" and an exorbitant salary to go with it. “Just needless bureaucracy if you ask me. Since I feel like being nice, I’ll run all the ‘judicial’ stuff from now on.”
Effect: justice is not dispensed during @@LEADER@@'s family holidays.
Option 5: “The problem isn’t the judicial system, but our educational environment”, says job-searching School Psychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, as @@HE@@ observes you closely through @@HIS@@ glasses. “Any thought otherwise is clearly a sign of the well-known bureaucratophilia disorder— anyways, what we need to start addressing is the root of the problem: bullying. We need extensive informational campaigns, posters, and most of all, counselors!”
Effect: children ordered to do their chores accuse their parents of bullying.
I need help on titles.