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[TABLED] Commend Aumeltopia

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The Python
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[TABLED] Commend Aumeltopia

Postby The Python » Sun May 30, 2021 2:46 pm

The Security Council,

Believing that Aumeltopia and the puppet states Aumelodia and Mount Seymour, is a significant contributor to the interregional defender cause and an important influence in many regions that it and its satellite states have resided in,

Noting that Aumeltopia through the aforementioned nation Mount Seymour is an important figure in the region of Forest, where they among other things, designed the current regional flag and served, among other positions, as Forest Keeper in 2017, where they created external means of communication for Forestians enabling more accurate interaction, and started the annual Forest Photo Contest, which has attracted photographers from all over NationStates, as well as showing dedication to the environmental cause through Operation 640, codenamed "A Clear-Cut Conundrum", designed to help world leaders in dealing with illegal logging,

Applauding Aumeltopia's outstanding leadership of Forest during the annual nuclear apocalypses in 3 consecutive years - in 2018, Aumeltopia led Forest's faction, Canopy, to third place among over 500 factions, in 2019 to fourth place, and in 2020 was part of the leadership team of The Potato Alliance, an alliance of various regions including Forest, as well as Spiritus, the South Pacific, and other allies, which won in second place only beaten by the Augustin Alliance,

Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, by serving as the last Celestial Being from May 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time, where they spent much of their time fighting Funkadelia's rise to power and subsequent coup d'etat in July 2017 by participating in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) to protect Lazarus from Funkadelia's numerous illegal actions, and as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada (LCA), where they doubled recruitment to the LCA, from under 5 active updaters at the start of their term to at least 10 at the end,

Lauding Aumeltopia's service as WA Delegate of the South Pacific from August 2019 to August 2020, where they ran so-called endorsement days encouraging the art of exchanging endorsements, and oversaw the creation of the South Pacific's first official World Assembly office, the Office of WA Legislation, a body designed to administer the South Pacific's participation in the World Assembly by authoring vote recommendations summarising the opinion of citizens of the South Pacific and democratically choosing the delegate's votes in this body,

Noting Aumeltopia's service to the South Pacific and defenderdom by serving as Minister of Military Affairs from February to October 2018, where it founded the South Pacific Special Forces (SPSF) Reserves which helped enable less active SPSF members to contribute to anti-raider operations by piling and was the basis of the Reserves' successor, the Tidal Force,

Appreciating Aumeltopia's further contributions to the defender cause through the authorship of SC#212 Repeal Liberate Kingdom of Ireland, which removed a significant roadblock to the process of addition of a regional password to prevent further invasion, as well as the founding of Solidarian Fleet, an unfortunately now-defunct interregional defender alliance dedicated to aiding natives in the reconstruction and rebuilding of their regions and communities after invasion, whose methods and principles such as native outreach and the use of sieges to prevent region destruction and griefing still influence defenderdom to this day,

Admiring Aumeltopia's reputation in graphic design, especially of regional flags, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, the current flags of the Union of Democratic States and Forest and a former flag of The League of Conservative Nations in use from 2017 until 2018,

Recognising Aumeltopia's authorship of SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation known for terrorising the South Pacific and other regions on their Message Boards,

Hereby Commends Aumeltopia.


The Security Council,

Believing that Aumeltopia and the puppet states Aumelodia and Mount Seymour, have been outstanding contributors to the South Pacific, Forest and Lazarus, the defender cause, the interregional community and this august body,

Noting that Aumeltopia, through the aforementioned nation Mount Seymour, is an important figure in the region of Forest, where they, among other things, designed the regional flag which is in use to this day, and served, among other positions, as Forest Keeper in 2017, where they created and maintain to this day external means of communication for Forestians, enabling more accurate interaction, and started the annual Forest Photo Contest, which has attracted photographers from all over NationStates in competitions, as well as showing dedication to the environmental cause through Operation 640, codenamed "A Clear-Cut Conundrum", to help world leaders to deal with illegal logging,

Applauding Aumeltopia's outstanding leadership of Forest during the annual nuclear apocalypses in 3 consecutive years - in 2018, Aumeltopia led Forest's faction, Canopy, to third place among over 500 factions, in 2019 to fourth place, and in 2020 was part of the leadership team of The Potato Alliance, an alliance of various regions including Forest, as well as Spiritus, the South Pacific, and other allies, which won in second place only beaten by the Augustin Alliance,

Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the control of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, by serving, among other positions, as the last Celestial Being from May 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time, where they spent much of their time fighting Funkadelia's rise to power and subsequent coup d'etat in July 2017 by participating in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) to protect Lazarus from Funkadelia's numerous illegal actions, and as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada (LCA) from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in July, where they doubled recruitment to the LCA, from under 5 active updaters at the start of their term to at least 10 at the end,

Lauding Aumeltopia's service as WA Delegate of the South Pacific, the region in which it currently resides, from August 2019 to August 2020, where they ran so-called endorsement days encouraging the art of exchanging endorsements, and oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation, a body designed to administer the South Pacific's participation in the World Assembly itself by authoring vote recommendations summarising the opinion of citizens of the South Pacific, democratically choosing the delegate's votes in this body and helping South Pacificans in writing their own resolutions,

Noting Aumeltopia's service to the South Pacific and defenderdom by serving as Minister of Military Affairs from February to October 2018, where it founded the South Pacific Special Forces (SPSF) Reserves which helped enable less active SPSF members to contribute to anti-raider operations by piling and was the basis of the Reserves' successor, the Tidal Force,

Appreciating Aumeltopia's further contributions to the defender cause through the founding of Solidarian Fleet, an unfortunately now-defunct interregional defender alliance dedicated to aiding natives in the reconstruction and rebuilding of their regions and communities after invasion,

Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, the current flags of the Union of Democratic States and Forest and a former flag of The League of Conservative Nations in use from 2017 until 2018,

Recognising Aumeltopia's contributions to this very body by authoring SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation known for terrorising the South Pacific and other regions on their Message Boards, and SC#212 Repeal Liberate Kingdom of Ireland, which removed a significant roadblock to the process of addition of a regional password to prevent further invasion, with native sovereignty restored,

Concluding that Aumeltopia's contributions to various regions throughout NationStates are more than worthy of official recognition by this body through a commendation,

Hereby Commends Aumeltopia.


The Security Council,

Believing that Aumeltopia and its predecessors Aumelodia and Mount Seymour, have been outstanding contributors throughout the realm of NationStates,

Noting that Aumeltopia, though the aforementioned nation Mount Seymour, has significantly contributed to the region of Forest, where they served as, among other positions, Forest Keeper from January to October 2017, where they created and maintained external communications for Forestians and started the annual Forest Photo Contest that continues to run to this day, attracting photographers from all of NationStates, as well as supporting the environmental cause by helping world leaders in dealing with illegal logging through Operation 640, code-named "A Clear-Cut Conundrum",

Applauding Aumeltopia's outstanding leadership in Forest during the annual nuclear apocalypses in 3 consecutive years - in 2018, Aumeltopia led Forest's faction, Canopy, to third place among over 500 factions, in 2019 to fourth place, and in 2020 was part of the leadership team of The Potato Alliance, an alliance of various regions including Forest which won in second place only beaten by the Augustin Alliance,

Praising Aumeltopia's work in The Free Nations Region, where it served as the very first Speaker from January to March 2017, Chief Justice in April 2017, and authored the original constitution of the region,

Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the control of the governments of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, by serving, among other positions, as the last Celestial Being from May 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time, where they spent much of their time fighting Funkadelia's rise to power and subsequent coup d'etat in July 2017 by participating in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) to protect Lazarus from Funkadelia's numerous illegal actions, and as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada (LCA) from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in July, where they doubled recruitment to the LCA, from under 5 active updaters at the start of their term to at least 10 at the end,

Lauding Aumeltopia's service as World Assembly Delegate of the South Pacific, the region in which it currently resides, from August 2018 to August 2019, where despite the position having nearly no legal power, they succesfully increased their endorsement count and thus the region's voice in this body to over 1100 endorsements from under 600 at the start of their term by running so-called endorsement days, and oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation, a body designed to administer the South Pacific's participation in the World Assembly itself by authoring vote recommendations summarising the opinion of citizens of the South Pacific, democratically choosing the delegate's votes in this body and helping South Pacificans in writing their own WA resolutions,

Noting Aumeltopia's service to the South Pacific and defenderdom by serving as Minister of Military Affairs from February to October 2018, where they improved graphics and theming in the South Pacific Special Forces (SPSF) and founded the SPSF Reserves which helped enable less active SPSF members to contribute to anti-raider operations by piling,

Appreciating Aumeltopia's further contributions to the defender cause through the founding of Solidarian Fleet, an unfortunately now-defunct interregional defender alliance dedicated to aiding natives in the reconstruction and rebuilding of their regions and communities after invasion,

Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, the current flags of the Union of Democratic States and Forest and a former flag of The League of Conservative Nations in use from 2017 until 2018,

Recognising Aumeltopia's contributions to this very body by authoring SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation, and SC#212 Repeal "Liberate Kingdom of Ireland" through Mount Seymour, which allowed for the addition of a regional password to a founderless region to prevent further invasions,

Concluding that Aumeltopia's contributions to various regions throughout NationStates are more than worthy of official recognition by this body through a commendation,

Hereby Commends Aumeltopia.


The Security Council,

Noting that Aumeltopia, though the satellite nation of Mount Seymour, is a highly influential member of the region Forest, where it designed the current regional flag, and served in various leadership positions including Forest Keeper from January to October 2017, a position which is the main Chief Executive, where they created and maintained external communications for Forestians and started the annual Forest Photo Contest that continues to run to this day, attracting photographers from all of NationStates, as well as supporting the environmental cause by helping world leaders in dealing with illegal logging by running Operation 640, code-named "A Clear-Cut Conundrum",

Applauding Aumeltopia's leadership in Forest during the annual nuclear apocalypses, where they led Forest's faction in 2018 and 2019 to come in third and second respectively among over 500 other factions, and then helped lead The Potato Alliance, an alliance of various regions including Forest for the nuclear apocalypse in 2020 to second place victory,

Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the control of the governments of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union, through Aumelodia, where they would:
  1. Serve in the position of Convenor, where they would moderate debate in and run the law-making Assembly of Lazarus,
  2. Serve as the last Celestial Being from May 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time, where they spent much of their time fighting Funkadelia's rise to power and subsequent coup d'etat in July 2017 by participating in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) to protect Lazarus from Funkadelia's numerous illegal actions, and
  3. Serve as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada (LCA) from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in July, where they doubled recruitment to the LCA, from under 5 active updaters at the start of their term to at least 10 at the end,
Praising Aumeltopia's work in The Free Nations Region, where it served as the very first Speaker from January to March 2017, Chief Justice in April 2017, and authored the original constitution of the region,

Lauding Aumeltopia's significant contributions to the South Pacific, the region in which it currently resides, by serving in various positions such as:
  1. Local Councillor from November 2017 to January 2018, and again in April to July 2019, in charge of moderating the Regional Message Board and keeping residents engaged within the South Pacific,
  2. WA Delegate from August 2019 to August 2020, where they succesfully increased their endorsement count and thus the region's voice in this body to over 1100 endorsements from under 600 at the start of their term by running so-called endorsement days, and also oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation, a body designed to administer the South Pacific's participation in the World Assembly itself by authoring vote recommendations summarising the opinion of citizens of the South Pacific, democratically choosing the delegate's votes in this body and helping South Pacificans in writing their own WA resolutions,
  3. Minister of Military Affairs from February to October 2018, where they improved graphics and theming in the South Pacific Special Forces (SPSF) and founded the SPSF Reserves which helped enable less active SPSF members to contribute to operations by piling,
  4. Minister of Foreign Affairs from October 2018 to February 2019, where they maintained foreign relations and alliances and oversaw the construction of embassies with Europe, a thriving region with over 1000 member nations and
  5. Member of the Council on Regional Security from August 2020 to the present, a position of high trust in charge of removing nations that violate regional law or otherwise are security threats to the region,
Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, the current flags of the Union of Democratic States and Forest and a former flag of The League of Conservative Nations in use from 2017 until 2018,

Recognising Aumeltopia's contributions to this very body by authoring SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation, and SC#212 Repeal "Liberate Kingdom of Ireland" through Mount Seymour, which allowed for the addition of a regional password to a founderless region to prevent further invasions,

Hereby Commends Aumeltopia.


The Security Council,

Noting the contributions of Aumeltopia to the region of Forest through the satellite state of Mount Seymour, where it:
  1. Served as Foreign Minister from November 2016 to January 2017, in charge of managing foreign affairs and relations – during their term they oversaw the construction of embassies with The Region That Has No Big Banks and Gay,
  2. Served as Forest Keeper from January 2017 to October 2017, the main Chief Executive of the region – one notable achievement as Forest Keeper was starting the annual Forest Photo Contest,
  3. Served as Culture Minster from October 2017 to January 2018, in charge of developing cultural events, and
  4. Led Forest's faction in the nuclear apocalypses of 2018 and 2019, where they came in third and second respectively, and also helped lead The Potato Alliance, an alliance of various regions including Forest for the nuclear apocalypse in 2020 to second place only to the Augustin Alliance,

Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the era of control of the defender-aligned governments of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, where they would:
  1. Serve as Celestial Being from May to September 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time,
  2. Serve in the position of Convenor, where they would moderate debate in and run the law-making Assembly of Lazarus,
  3. Serve as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada, the defender regional military of Lazarus at the time, from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in October, and
  4. Participate in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) against Funkadelia's coup d'etat of the region in 2017,

Praising Aumeltopia's work in The Free Nations Region, where it served as Speaker from January to March 2017, and Chief Justice in April 2017, and also authored the original constitution of the region,

Lauding Aumeltopia's significant contributions to The South Pacific, the region in which it currently resides, by serving in various positions such as:
  1. Local Councillor from November 2017 to January 2018, and again in April 2019 to July 2019, a position in charge of moderating the Regional Message Board and keeping residents engaged within the South Pacific,
  2. World Assembly Delegate from August 2019 to August 2020, where they succesfully increased their endorsement count and thus the region's voice in this very body to over 1100 endorsements from under 600 at the start of their term, and also oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation,
  3. Minister of Military Affairs from February to October 2018, where they improved graphics and theming in the SPSF, and founded the SPSF Reserves which helped enable less active SPSF members to contribute to operations by piling,
  4. Minister of Foreign Affairs from October 2018 to February 2019, where they maintained foreign relations and alliance and oversaw the construction of embassies with Europe, and
  5. Member of the Council on Regional Security from August 2020 to the present, a position of high trust in charge of ensuring regional security, removing nations that violate regional law or otherwise are security threats to the region,

Further Noting Aumeltopia's work in NationStates Today, a news service dedicated to spreading awareness about current events throughout NationStates, by serving as:
  1. Chief Executive Officer from January 2021 to the present, the main leadership position of the service,
  2. 4 total terms as Governor, a leadership position of NationStates Today, and
  3. A member of the Graphics and Publishing Staff to the present day, where they have significantly improved the service's graphic design,

Appreciating that Aumeltopia founded Solidarian Fleet through the puppet nation Somyrion, an interregional defender alliance which sought to protect regions from the invader menace,

Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, and the current flag of the Union of Democratic States which has been in use since 2016,

Recognising Aumeltopia's contributions to this very body by authoring SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation, and SC#212 Repeal "Liberate Kingdom of Ireland" through Mount Seymour, which allowed for the addition of a regional password to a founderless region to prevent further invasions,

Hereby Commends Aumeltopia.
Last edited by The Python on Fri Jun 04, 2021 9:18 pm, edited 28 times in total.
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The Python
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Postby The Python » Sun May 30, 2021 2:47 pm

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Zukchiva
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Postby Zukchiva » Sun May 30, 2021 3:18 pm

Aumeltopia seems a commendable to me, but the draft needs work. Mainly because it seems to be a laundry list of many positions.

Also, you're going to get criticized on the lack of narrative writing so best to fix that.

The Python wrote:Mister from November 2016 to January 2017, in charge of managing foreign affairs and relations – during their term they oversaw the construction of embassies with The Region That Has No Big Banks and Gay,
[*]Minister of Foreign Affairs from October 2018 to February 2019, where they maintained foreign relations and alliance and oversaw the construction of embassies with Europe, and

What benefit did Forest and/or TSP gain from these relations? That should be mentioned.

[*]Served as Forest Keeper from January 2017 to October 2017, the main Chief Executive of the region – one notable achievement as Forest Keeper was starting the annual Forest Photo Contest,
Would be better to work this as "Served as Forest Keeper from January 2017 to October 2017, the main Chief Executive of the region where they started the annual Forest Photo Contest that continues to run to this day, attracting photographers from all of NationStates" or smth

Praising Aumeltopia's work in The Free Nations Region, where it served as Speaker from January to March 2017, and Chief Justice in April 2017, and also authored the original constitution of the region,
Authoring the original constitution sounds commendable for sure, but serving as Speaker and Chief Justice as-is isn't. What did Aumeltopia do in those positions?

[*]Participate in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) against Funkadelia's coup d'etat of the region in 2017,[/list]
What did Aumeltopia do here as part of the Resistance. Did it have an effect on the regime in any way?

[*]Served as Culture Minster from October 2017 to January 2018, in charge of developing cultural events, and
  1. Serve as Celestial Being from May to September 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time,
  • Serve in the position of Convenor, where they would moderate debate in and run the law-making Assembly of Lazarus,
  • Serve as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada, the defender regional military of Lazarus at the time, from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in October, and
    1. Local Councillor from November 2017 to January 2018, and again in April 2019 to July 2019, a position in charge of moderating the Regional Message Board and keeping residents engaged within the South Pacific,
  • Member of the Council on Regional Security from August 2020 to the present, a position of high trust in charge of ensuring regional security, removing nations that violate regional law or otherwise are security threats to the region,
  • Further Noting Aumeltopia's work in NationStates Today, a news service dedicated to spreading awareness about current events throughout NationStates, by serving as:
    1. Chief Executive Officer from January 2021 to the present, the main leadership position of the service,
    2. 4 total terms as Governor, a leadership position of NationStates Today, and
    Every single one of these clauses is laundry listing. What did Aumeltopia do in these positions that makes them commendable? It's awesome they served in these positions, but it isn't commendable to have a large variety of titles if you didn't do much in them. Describing the general duty of what they did isn't enough IMO, if said description can be used to describe the service of every other nation who held the same job. Describe what made Aumeltopia's work in each position different from most others who have held similar positions, or showcase the buttloads of work Aumeltopia put into these positions. One or the other.

  • World Assembly Delegate from August 2019 to August 2020, where they succesfully increased their endorsement count and thus the region's voice in this very body to over 1100 endorsements from under 600 at the start of their term, and also oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation,
  • Good. But:
    a) What did Aumeltopia do to increase endorsements specifically? Dispatch campaigning? TGing the entire region? Etc. Make it more impactful.
    b) What is OWL?? I know, but the average reader might not know beyond "oh it seems like a WA Ministry", which is a shame because OWL is a very well-run program that deserves more elaboration.

  • A member of the Graphics and Publishing Staff to the present day, where they have significantly improved the service's graphic design,
  • Would be a good idea to specify what they specifcally improved. Was it the website? The logo? And how did it improve the newspaper's brand overall?

    Appreciating that Aumeltopia founded Solidarian Fleet through the puppet nation Somyrion, an interregional defender alliance which sought to protect regions from the invader menace,
    I have never heard of this organization. How do I know this was not just another failed organization?

    Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, and the current flag of the Union of Democratic States which has been in use since 2016,
    May be a good idea to make this another list clause and add the graphic work from NST under it. Could also explore and see if Aumel made other important designs- I'm sure they must've somewhere.
    Last edited by Zukchiva on Sun May 30, 2021 3:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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    Tinhampton
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    Postby Tinhampton » Sun May 30, 2021 3:43 pm

    Zukchiva wrote:What did Aumeltopia do to increase endorsements specifically? Dispatch campaigning? TGing the entire region?

    Being a feeder delegate at the time of the Drewpocalypse.

    The Python wrote:Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the era of control of the defender-aligned governments of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, where they would: Serve as Celestial Being from May to September 2017...

    The most appropriate time (if ever there was any) for the Security Council to have recognised the Celestial Union - rather than the Undead Dominion - as the rightful government of Lazarus at any point after mid-July 2017 would have been 2017, not 2021. I do not, as a rule, support historical revisionism in proposals (unless supposed to be funny, as Commend Varanius by Munie was).

    Other thoughts:
    • LAUDING, section i, might be illegal if the mod ruling on Commend Valentine Z from a few months ago stretches that far :P
    • No mention of any of the grafix Somyrion did for TSP? huh...
    • You refer to the "SPSF" on multiple occasions without spelling out the acronym.
    • What Zukchiva said. Derp derp derp. Pasta.
    Last edited by Tinhampton on Sun May 30, 2021 3:49 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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    Crowheim
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    Postby Crowheim » Sun May 30, 2021 4:21 pm

    Not only does Prarie already have a far superior draft on these forums, but this draft on it's own is a laundry list of accomplishments and would not do Somyrion justice. I'd recommend just scrapping this, and I won't be supporting it.
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    Honeydewistania
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    Postby Honeydewistania » Sun May 30, 2021 4:28 pm

    your NSToday section needs improvement. They had good leadership? So? How did they show this leadership? What did they do that makes you think they’re a good leader? Alternatively, remove it altogether cuz it’s NSToday lol
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    Refuge Isle
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    Postby Refuge Isle » Sun May 30, 2021 4:40 pm

    As always, I advocate SC proposals should use a more narrative presentation of a player/region's history. You have created a sheet that makes me feel like you are representing Somy applying for a job.

    It is one thing to list off facts like it's a trivia game, it is another to communicate the character of the subject. As the author of a proposal, you need to represent your target and make me care about it, and four dry lists of quirky facts do not accomplish this. Tell me why the target was instrumental in their associated regions' history, tell me what the impact of their work was.

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    Castellum Roma
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    Postby Castellum Roma » Sun May 30, 2021 4:42 pm

    Why :?:

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    The Python
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    Postby The Python » Sun May 30, 2021 6:03 pm

    Zukchiva wrote:
    The Python wrote:Mister from November 2016 to January 2017, in charge of managing foreign affairs and relations – during their term they oversaw the construction of embassies with The Region That Has No Big Banks and Gay,
    [*]Minister of Foreign Affairs from October 2018 to February 2019, where they maintained foreign relations and alliance and oversaw the construction of embassies with Europe, and

    What benefit did Forest and/or TSP gain from these relations? That should be mentioned.

    Hmm. I added more detail about Europe, though I could possibly find more about how it benefited TSP.

    Zukchiva wrote:Would be better to work this as "Served as Forest Keeper from January 2017 to October 2017, the main Chief Executive of the region where they started the annual Forest Photo Contest that continues to run to this day, attracting photographers from all of NationStates" or smth

    Done :P (I edited the entire Forest clause to make it less listy)

    Zukchiva wrote:
    [*]Participate in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) against Funkadelia's coup d'etat of the region in 2017,[/list]
    What did Aumeltopia do here as part of the Resistance. Did it have an effect on the regime in any way?

    I merged it with the Celestial Being part because he was Celestial Being when this happened.

    Zukchiva wrote:
    [*]Served as Culture Minster from October 2017 to January 2018, in charge of developing cultural events, and

    The clause has been edited
    Zukchiva wrote:
    1. Serve as Celestial Being from May to September 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time,

    As I said, merged with Lazarene Resistance to add more content to both.
    Zukchiva wrote:
  • Serve in the position of Convenor, where they would moderate debate in and run the law-making Assembly of Lazarus,

  • Couldn't really find anything special about this, so I left it as it is right now.
    Zukchiva wrote:
  • Serve as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada, the defender regional military of Lazarus at the time, from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in October, and

  • Did some digging and found he significantly helped in recruitment, so that's been added.
    Zukchiva wrote:
    1. Local Councillor from November 2017 to January 2018, and again in April 2019 to July 2019, a position in charge of moderating the Regional Message Board and keeping residents engaged within the South Pacific,

    There wasn't really anything special about this, so I left it like this.
    Zukchiva wrote:
  • Member of the Council on Regional Security from August 2020 to the present, a position of high trust in charge of ensuring regional security, removing nations that violate regional law or otherwise are security threats to the region,

  • He only recently got appointed, and I don't think there's anything special he's done other than be CRS.
    Zukchiva wrote:
    Further Noting Aumeltopia's work in NationStates Today, a news service dedicated to spreading awareness about current events throughout NationStates, by serving as:
    1. Chief Executive Officer from January 2021 to the present, the main leadership position of the service,
    2. 4 total terms as Governor, a leadership position of NationStates Today, and
    Every single one of these clauses is laundry listing. What did Aumeltopia do in these positions that makes them commendable? It's awesome they served in these positions, but it isn't commendable to have a large variety of titles if you didn't do much in them. Describing the general duty of what they did isn't enough IMO, if said description can be used to describe the service of every other nation who held the same job. Describe what made Aumeltopia's work in each position different from most others who have held similar positions, or showcase the buttloads of work Aumeltopia put into these positions. One or the other.

    The whole clause has been axed because of Honeydew's comment and I was running out of character limit :P

    Zukchiva wrote:
  • World Assembly Delegate from August 2019 to August 2020, where they succesfully increased their endorsement count and thus the region's voice in this very body to over 1100 endorsements from under 600 at the start of their term, and also oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation,
  • Good. But:
    a) What did Aumeltopia do to increase endorsements specifically? Dispatch campaigning? TGing the entire region? Etc. Make it more impactful.
    b) What is OWL?? I know, but the average reader might not know beyond "oh it seems like a WA Ministry", which is a shame because OWL is a very well-run program that deserves more elaboration.

    a) Partly the drewpocalypse, but also endorsement day program so that's been added now.
    b) yeah... added more detail about it.

    Zukchiva wrote:
  • A member of the Graphics and Publishing Staff to the present day, where they have significantly improved the service's graphic design,
  • Would be a good idea to specify what they specifcally improved. Was it the website? The logo? And how did it improve the newspaper's brand overall?

    Well that part has been axed :P

    Zukchiva wrote:
    Appreciating that Aumeltopia founded Solidarian Fleet through the puppet nation Somyrion, an interregional defender alliance which sought to protect regions from the invader menace,
    I have never heard of this organization. How do I know this was not just another failed organization?

    This clause is also gone because yes Solidarity didn't really last long.

    Zukchiva wrote:
    Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, and the current flag of the Union of Democratic States which has been in use since 2016,
    May be a good idea to make this another list clause and add the graphic work from NST under it. Could also explore and see if Aumel made other important designs- I'm sure they must've somewhere.

    Quebecshire told me Somy also designed the old flag of LCN, so that's now there.
    Tinhampton wrote:
    The Python wrote:Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the era of control of the defender-aligned governments of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, where they would: Serve as Celestial Being from May to September 2017...

    The most appropriate time (if ever there was any) for the Security Council to have recognised the Celestial Union - rather than the Undead Dominion - as the rightful government of Lazarus at any point after mid-July 2017 would have been 2017, not 2021. I do not, as a rule, support historical revisionism in proposals (unless supposed to be funny, as Commend Varanius by Munie was).

    Are you implying the Undead Dominion was legitimate?
    Image

    Tinhampton wrote:No mention of any of the grafix Somyrion did for TSP? huh...

    That's mentioned in the SPSF part :P
    Tinhampton wrote:[*]You refer to the "SPSF" on multiple occasions without spelling out the acronym.

    Fixed

    Crowheim wrote:I'd recommend just scrapping this, and I won't be supporting it.

    Cute

    Honeydewistania wrote:your NSToday section needs improvement. They had good leadership? So? How did they show this leadership? What did they do that makes you think they’re a good leader? Alternatively, remove it altogether cuz it’s NSToday lol

    As I said, gone.
    Refuge Isle wrote:As always, I advocate SC proposals should use a more narrative presentation of a player/region's history. You have created a sheet that makes me feel like you are representing Somy applying for a job.

    It is one thing to list off facts like it's a trivia game, it is another to communicate the character of the subject. As the author of a proposal, you need to represent your target and make me care about it, and four dry lists of quirky facts do not accomplish this. Tell me why the target was instrumental in their associated regions' history, tell me what the impact of their work was.

    Hopefully the changes made would address this?

    Castellum Roma wrote:Why :?:

    Why not?
    Last edited by The Python on Sun May 30, 2021 8:48 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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    Postby Moonfungus » Sun May 30, 2021 8:18 pm

    Two things I would like to ask before I comment on this;
    • Have you asked Somy about whether they want this or not? If so, what was their answer?
    • Have you reached out to Prarie about their draft and see if they're open to cooperation regarding this?
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    Postby The Infamous Glare » Sun May 30, 2021 8:21 pm

    No mention of Meihua? That region was a small project of his, though not sure if that should be added or not.

    I'm still undecided whether I'd support this. Good luck with your draft. :)
    Last edited by The Infamous Glare on Sun May 30, 2021 8:31 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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    Postby The Python » Sun May 30, 2021 9:04 pm

    Moonfungus wrote:Two things I would like to ask before I comment on this;
    • Have you asked Somy about whether they want this or not? If so, what was their answer?

    He said he wouldn't mind, though it's not well written enough.

    Moonfungus wrote:
  • Have you reached out to Prarie about their draft and see if they're open to cooperation regarding this?

  • No, not yet.

    The Infamous Glare wrote:No mention of Meihua? That region was a small project of his, though not sure if that should be added or not.

    I'm still undecided whether I'd support this. Good luck with your draft. :)

    I just looked at the region... yeah it was never too big so idk if it's really commendable.
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    Postby Aumeltopia » Sun May 30, 2021 9:11 pm

    I'm extremely honored by this draft, and that you think I'm commendable, but I'm not sure I really want something with my name on it to enter the WA without major improvement, especially drafting assistance from a more experienced coauthor.
    Last edited by Aumeltopia on Sun May 30, 2021 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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    Postby Outer Sparta » Mon May 31, 2021 9:00 am

    I'm mixed on this one. One could argue Aumeltopia is commendable, but this draft doesn't quite do it justice.

    Reaching out to a co-author would be a good idea to improve the draft, and I suggest you do a bit more research to make sure nothing important is left out.
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    Postby HumanSanity » Mon May 31, 2021 12:12 pm

    I'll count myself among those who certainly believe that Somy is Commendable. However, it's sad to see an overwhelmingly worthy nominee with a fantastic body of work and who is well-liked among large swaths of the NS community continually get such poor drafting and research work. I don't really believe this is due to malice by anyone, but it's just a bit sad to watch the drafting processes work out this way. Prarie already has a draft with some shape that would've made it to vote had it not been pulled for revisions. Subsequently, Prarie seems to have become busy with RL, which is perfectly understandable. At the same time myself and (if I recall conversations correctly) a few others seem to have approached him to make an effort to have a collaborative effort to get his draft up to par and across the finish line, and those conversations have stalled out a bit due to Prarie's RL, which is also understandable. And after all, there is no urgent need for this Commendation to be written, although I strongly believe it should be given a good drafting at some point. Your decision to steamroll ahead with this, especially with such a haphazard draft that shows moderate research but almost no revision work, and no prior consultation with the prior author (or possibly even review of the prior draft and its commentary?), is a decision which I believe clouds this effort.

    While the concept of "dibs" doesn't really exist and is pretty haphazard, most other potential authors who have considered Commending Somyrion have respected the idea that Prarie has a decent draft that is a better starting point than reinventing the wheel, with what is at best a very tenuous sanction from the nominee, without collaboration or consent. I'd strongly recommend you reach out to Prarie and bring him on as a co-author or vice-versa. If this delays the process due to RL, that's acceptable, these things don't have to happen immediately. Alternatively, and possibly in addition, you/Prarie could consider bringing on a more experienced co-author to help with narrative structure. Your previous Commendation of Altmoras, while it passed overwhelmingly, was (in my opinion, rightfully) criticized for its lack of narrative and overreliance on recitation of facts. In my opinion, that was not a minor drafting error but rather a bar that, while arguably not necessary, you easily could strive for and it seemed that you simply chose not to. I sincerely hope that you will endeavor to shoot a little higher in your next proposal, whether it be this one or another proposal. And my hope for this is especially strong for a nominee who's personality (regardless of accomplishments) I believe represents all of the best parts of NS.

    With that said, your draft needs a lot of work. A lot. It needs language which reflects the character of the nominee. How many interactions have you had with Somy? What are some adjectives you'd use to describe those interactions? I find Somy incredibly candid but also good natured. Somy is always willing to help out with a small part of any project to help regions or causes he supports, which is part of why seemingly two thirds of contemporary defender region/organization graphics come from Somy. Somy also has a twinge of good humor to keep otherwise incredibly (almost maddeningly) professional interactions good natured and friendly. Somy has a "big picture" vision of things that helps him provide larger commentary on the entire project, the kind of long-term and comprehensive vision that takes NS projects from good to "next level". Lastly, Somy maintains a presence in his regions which (from my, until recently external, observation) is friendly and inviting. Maybe ask others besides me, especially those who have worked with Somy more than I have, because they can likely help even more with developing a sense of Somy's character.

    This draft is also lacking in any kind of narrative. Emotion about character is one thing, but narrative is another equally important thing. Something Somy brings to projects I have seen him work on is a respectful conviction. His belief in inclusive democratic governance which is responsive to the region's needs is deeply ingrained into his work in TSP. His belief in shared interregional community and events, especially those that promote free expression and exchange like NSToday, guides his work in those organizations. I'm not really sure what drives Somy to do work in Forest, but most people in Forest are environmentally conscious, so I imagine that's a part of it, not to mention its Somy's first NS home. This kind of thing, the why of the actions the nominee takes, should make an appearance in the Commendation. At the very least to establish this kind of narrative you need to add lead in/out clauses rather than jumping right into Somy's accomplishments.

    To very briefly comment on specifics, any position which you are unsure if it was significant should just be cut from the draft. The Commendation doesn't have to be a complete resume, it has to be a comprehensive (although not complete) documentation of important contributions. Accordingly, it seems that Somy's Local Councillor terms, Minister of Foreign Affairs tenure, and Council on Regional Security Service should simply be cut from the draft. While I'm sure Somy was above-average in all of those positions, if there are no remarkable accomplishments then they don't merit mention. Solidarity should come back, but you need a better description of what the unique approach of this interregional organization was. I think Somy's WA Delegate clause could be broken up in order to better encapsulate each of his accomplishments. While Drewpocalypse endo-highs are not Commendable, in my understanding Somy did play a role in creating TSP's infrastructure for endorsement promotion and the Office for WA Legislation as well as maintaining a strong relationship between the forum and game-side governments in TSP. This scale of accomplishments is particularly impressive given the limited scope of the TSP Delegate's legal powers. I also think the section on N-Day could be expanded, especially with descriptions of what Somy's contributions were and why N-Day is a Commendable event.

    Overall, this draft needs to be put on pause. It's being built on an already unsteady base and requires not only a little more research but a substantial conceptual reframing on multiple levels before it is ready for a new draft to be posted, much less submission.
    Last edited by HumanSanity on Mon May 31, 2021 12:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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    Postby Moonfungus » Tue Jun 01, 2021 2:14 am

    HS pretty much sums up what I think of this and I believe most of my complaints with this draft have been pointed out by others, but still some things;
    The Python wrote:Believing that Aumeltopia and its predecessors Aumelodia and Mount Seymour, have been outstanding contributors throughout the realm of NationStates,

    This is frankly a weak introduction clause and a really bad framing device for the proposal. It tells me nothing about Somy, apart from the fact that they did some "outstanding" things. What did they do exactly? Community building? Exceptional role play? Contributions to the WA? Contributions in R/D? Technical contributions to the game? Issue writing? It is too broad for my liking. Honestly, it would be better if you rewrite this clause from scratch.

    Also, I think it makes sense to use "satellite nations" or something to that effect here instead of "predecessors", considering both Aumelodia and Mount Seymour still exist. Also you forgot Somyrion, the nation which founded Solidarian Fleet (more on that later).

    The Python wrote:Noting that Aumeltopia, though the aforementioned nation Mount Seymour, has significantly contributed to the region of Forest, where they served as, among other positions, Forest Keeper from January to October 2017, where they created and maintained external communications for Forestians and started the annual Forest Photo Contest that continues to run to this day, attracting photographers from all of NationStates, as well as supporting the environmental cause by helping world leaders in dealing with illegal logging through Operation 640, code-named "A Clear-Cut Conundrum",

    Now this might be just me, but you said that Somy has "contributed significantly to the region of Forest" where I can see that you noted only one position (Forest Keeper) and even there I can't see anything commendable there. It seems like Somy did their job, nothing more nothing less. What did he actually do in that position that makes him stand out? And why, out of all positions Somy has served there, you chose Forest Keeper as the thing to focus on?

    I suggest going through Somy's contributions to Forest once again and see what did he exactly do and how it impacted the region positively. I have no real opinion of putting the issue authorship in the same clause as Forest, although I feel it would be better if it was put inside a general clause that focused on Somy's work to improve the environment, rather than the specific clause about Forest.

    The Python wrote:Applauding Aumeltopia's outstanding leadership in Forest during the annual nuclear apocalypses in 3 consecutive years - in 2018, Aumeltopia led Forest's faction, Canopy, to third place among over 500 factions, in 2019 to fourth place, and in 2020 was part of the leadership team of The Potato Alliance, an alliance of various regions including Forest which won in second place only beaten by the Augustin Alliance,

    It will be "of" instead of "in" in the bolded part, I think. I also think you should include Potato Alliance's comeback in the N-Day and specify other regions that was a part of the alliance.

    The Python wrote:Praising Aumeltopia's work in The Free Nations Region, where it served as the very first Speaker from January to March 2017, Chief Justice in April 2017, and authored the original constitution of the region,

    Zuk already pointed it out and I echo their statement about this clause.

    The Python wrote:Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the control of the governments of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, by serving, among other positions, as the last Celestial Being from May 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time, where they spent much of their time fighting Funkadelia's rise to power and subsequent coup d'etat in July 2017 by participating in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) to protect Lazarus from Funkadelia's numerous illegal actions, and as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada (LCA) from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in July, where they doubled recruitment to the LCA, from under 5 active updaters at the start of their term to at least 10 at the end,

    If this resistance failed, should we really include that in someone's commendation, even if this was one of their best moments in their NS career?

    The Python wrote:Lauding Aumeltopia's service as World Assembly Delegate of the South Pacific, the region in which it currently resides, from August 2018 to August 2019, where despite the position having nearly no legal power, they succesfully increased their endorsement count and thus the region's voice in this body to over 1100 endorsements from under 600 at the start of their term by running so-called endorsement days

    Okay...so what does "having no nearly legal power" add to the commendation? It basically makes Somy look like a figurehead, which I'm sure isn't exactly a commendable thing unless you can prove that they were more than that. Also, I don't see any correlation between "having nearly no legal powers" and increasing endorsements, unless I've severely misread TSP's charter.

    And I think I don't have to say that I don't necessarily believe that having high endorsements is a commendable thing, especially in a GCR. I'm pretty sure I can be convinced out of this position, but this line doesn't really do it for me.

    The Python wrote:oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation, a body designed to administer the South Pacific's participation in the World Assembly itself by authoring vote recommendations summarising the opinion of citizens of the South Pacific, democratically choosing the delegate's votes in this body and helping South Pacificans in writing their own WA resolutions,

    Okay this is a cool line, I like this. Although I do echo HS' sentiment regarding this that this should probably be reworked.

    The Python wrote:Noting Aumeltopia's service to the South Pacific and defenderdom by serving as Minister of Military Affairs from February to October 2018, where they improved graphics and theming in the South Pacific Special Forces (SPSF) and founded the SPSF Reserves which helped enable less active SPSF members to contribute to anti-raider operations by piling,

    Is improving the graphic and theming of a military force, unless they did a total overhaul, commendable? Me thinks not.

    Also, you can mention how the SPSF Reserves has served as the basis for the SPSF Tidal Force, TSP's very own off-update force (similar to TGW's Guardians).

    The Python wrote:Appreciating Aumeltopia's further contributions to the defender cause through the founding of Solidarian Fleet, an unfortunately now-defunct interregional defender alliance dedicated to aiding natives in the reconstruction and rebuilding of their regions and communities after invasion,

    If it didn't stick around, is it really commendable? Unless you can prove to me that this positively impacted the defender sphere (like HS did with Fort Triumph in Commend Deadeye Jack), I'm going to suggest that you remove this clause.

    The Python wrote:Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, the current flags of the Union of Democratic States and Forest and a former flag of The League of Conservative Nations in use from 2017 until 2018,

    No opinion here.

    The Python wrote:Recognising Aumeltopia's contributions to this very body by authoring SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation, and SC#212 Repeal "Liberate Kingdom of Ireland" through Mount Seymour, which allowed for the addition of a regional password to a founderless region to prevent further invasions,

    I suggest you rework this clause to be more indicative of Somy's efforts here. Condemn Auphelia wasn't like any other condemnation, it was a humorous, witty resolution that did Auphelia (a great RPer and a very fun and thoughtful person to be around overall) more than enough justice. There needs to be more context behind the inclusion of SC#212; What happened? Who did it? How did they did it? When it was done?

    Overall, I think there's a lot to improve here. I'm going to parrot HS' suggestion and say that you contact Prarie for co-authorship or vice-versa. Somy's definitely a commendable nominee, but this proposal at its current state doesn't do them justice. Good luck.
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    Postby The Python » Tue Jun 01, 2021 3:02 pm

    HumanSanity wrote:-snip-

    I have contacted Prarie, however he has not responded/yet. I also added the starting and finishing clauses (Believing and Concluding), and removed less important clauses.

    Moonfungus wrote:HS pretty much sums up what I think of this and I believe most of my complaints with this draft have been pointed out by others, but still some things;
    The Python wrote:Believing that Aumeltopia and its predecessors Aumelodia and Mount Seymour, have been outstanding contributors throughout the realm of NationStates,

    This is frankly a weak introduction clause and a really bad framing device for the proposal. It tells me nothing about Somy, apart from the fact that they did some "outstanding" things. What did they do exactly? Community building? Exceptional role play? Contributions to the WA? Contributions in R/D? Technical contributions to the game? Issue writing? It is too broad for my liking. Honestly, it would be better if you rewrite this clause from scratch.

    Fixed :)

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Noting that Aumeltopia, though the aforementioned nation Mount Seymour, has significantly contributed to the region of Forest, where they served as, among other positions, Forest Keeper from January to October 2017, where they created and maintained external communications for Forestians and started the annual Forest Photo Contest that continues to run to this day, attracting photographers from all of NationStates, as well as supporting the environmental cause by helping world leaders in dealing with illegal logging through Operation 640, code-named "A Clear-Cut Conundrum",

    Now this might be just me, but you said that Somy has "contributed significantly to the region of Forest" where I can see that you noted only one position (Forest Keeper) and even there I can't see anything commendable there. It seems like Somy did their job, nothing more nothing less. What did he actually do in that position that makes him stand out? And why, out of all positions Somy has served there, you chose Forest Keeper as the thing to focus on?

    Uh, the commendable things are starting the photo contest and creating the forums and discord (which are there as "external communications"). I reworked it though to make that clearer.

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Applauding Aumeltopia's outstanding leadership in Forest during the annual nuclear apocalypses in 3 consecutive years - in 2018, Aumeltopia led Forest's faction, Canopy, to third place among over 500 factions, in 2019 to fourth place, and in 2020 was part of the leadership team of The Potato Alliance, an alliance of various regions including Forest which won in second place only beaten by the Augustin Alliance,

    It will be "of" instead of "in" in the bolded part, I think. I also think you should include Potato Alliance's comeback in the N-Day and specify other regions that was a part of the alliance.

    k.

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Praising Aumeltopia's work in The Free Nations Region, where it served as the very first Speaker from January to March 2017, Chief Justice in April 2017, and authored the original constitution of the region,

    Zuk already pointed it out and I echo their statement about this clause.

    I've axed that clause for the time being.

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during the control of the governments of the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, by serving, among other positions, as the last Celestial Being from May 2017, a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time, where they spent much of their time fighting Funkadelia's rise to power and subsequent coup d'etat in July 2017 by participating in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) to protect Lazarus from Funkadelia's numerous illegal actions, and as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada (LCA) from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in July, where they doubled recruitment to the LCA, from under 5 active updaters at the start of their term to at least 10 at the end,

    If this resistance failed, should we really include that in someone's commendation, even if this was one of their best moments in their NS career?

    Yes because the resistance was a pretty big thing and without it the outcome of Funk/Aleister/Evil Wolf's coup might have been very different.

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Lauding Aumeltopia's service as World Assembly Delegate of the South Pacific, the region in which it currently resides, from August 2018 to August 2019, where despite the position having nearly no legal power, they succesfully increased their endorsement count and thus the region's voice in this body to over 1100 endorsements from under 600 at the start of their term by running so-called endorsement days

    Okay...so what does "having no nearly legal power" add to the commendation? It basically makes Somy look like a figurehead, which I'm sure isn't exactly a commendable thing unless you can prove that they were more than that. Also, I don't see any correlation between "having nearly no legal powers" and increasing endorsements, unless I've severely misread TSP's charter.

    And I think I don't have to say that I don't necessarily believe that having high endorsements is a commendable thing, especially in a GCR. I'm pretty sure I can be convinced out of this position, but this line doesn't really do it for me.

    I also reworded that.

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Noting Aumeltopia's service to the South Pacific and defenderdom by serving as Minister of Military Affairs from February to October 2018, where they improved graphics and theming in the South Pacific Special Forces (SPSF) and founded the SPSF Reserves which helped enable less active SPSF members to contribute to anti-raider operations by piling,

    Is improving the graphic and theming of a military force, unless they did a total overhaul, commendable? Me thinks not.

    Also, you can mention how the SPSF Reserves has served as the basis for the SPSF Tidal Force, TSP's very own off-update force (similar to TGW's Guardians).

    Ok I got rid of the graphics and theming bit and added more detail about the reserves.

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Appreciating Aumeltopia's further contributions to the defender cause through the founding of Solidarian Fleet, an unfortunately now-defunct interregional defender alliance dedicated to aiding natives in the reconstruction and rebuilding of their regions and communities after invasion,

    If it didn't stick around, is it really commendable? Unless you can prove to me that this positively impacted the defender sphere (like HS did with Fort Triumph in Commend Deadeye Jack), I'm going to suggest that you remove this clause.

    Some people have said to leave it and some said to get rid of it :P so I left it.

    Moonfungus wrote:
    The Python wrote:Recognising Aumeltopia's contributions to this very body by authoring SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation, and SC#212 Repeal "Liberate Kingdom of Ireland" through Mount Seymour, which allowed for the addition of a regional password to a founderless region to prevent further invasions,

    I suggest you rework this clause to be more indicative of Somy's efforts here. Condemn Auphelia wasn't like any other condemnation, it was a humorous, witty resolution that did Auphelia (a great RPer and a very fun and thoughtful person to be around overall) more than enough justice. There needs to be more context behind the inclusion of SC#212; What happened? Who did it? How did they did it? When it was done?

    Also I reworded that.
    Moonfungus wrote:Overall, I think there's a lot to improve here. I'm going to parrot HS' suggestion and say that you contact Prarie for co-authorship or vice-versa. Somy's definitely a commendable nominee, but this proposal at its current state doesn't do them justice. Good luck.

    As I said, I have contacted Prarie, though he has not responded yet.
    Last edited by The Python on Tue Jun 01, 2021 4:32 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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    Great Algerstonia
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    Founded: Mar 21, 2019
    Ex-Nation

    Postby Great Algerstonia » Tue Jun 01, 2021 7:46 pm

    Against because I dont like nation names that start and end with the same letter
    Anti: Russia
    Pro: Prussia
    Resilient Acceleration wrote:After a period of letting this discussion run its course without my involvement due to sheer laziness and a new related NS project, I have returned with an answer and that answer is Israel.

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    The Python
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    Founded: Jul 24, 2020
    Liberal Democratic Socialists

    Postby The Python » Fri Jun 04, 2021 12:54 pm

    Bump/Prarie declined the offer to co-author this etc.
    See more information here.

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    HumanSanity
    Chargé d'Affaires
     
    Posts: 489
    Founded: Feb 06, 2011
    Liberal Democratic Socialists

    Postby HumanSanity » Fri Jun 04, 2021 1:40 pm

    The Python wrote:Bump/Prarie declined the offer to co-author this etc.

    Technically, this satisfies my concern.

    However, I want to raise issue with the process. You have needlessly forced this issue by steamrolling ahead with your own effort at authorship instead of doing prior consultation with other authors and getting strong affirmative consent (as opposed to tentative consent) from the nominee. Both of these things are incredibly disrespectful to established norms and processes. As is your practice (both with this proposal and in your two previous at-vote proposals) of posting a very haphazard, poorly researched, virtually unreviewed draft to the forum and then primarily using the advice of others to get the draft anywhere near acceptable, often failing to incorporate advice that is not as simple as "do X" or "do Y". I personally tend to believe we should expect slightly better of authors and ask that you make a greater effort on your drafts before posting them to the SC forum.

    Regardless, I expect you to steamroll ahead with this no matter what, so I'll offer more feedback.

    The Python wrote:Believing that Aumeltopia and the puppet states Aumelodia and Mount Seymour, have been outstanding contributors to the South Pacific, Forest and Lazarus, the defender cause, the interregional community and this august body,

    This does not do very much, although it's an effort. A good lead-in clause should tell me about the character of the nominee and their contributions and what makes that unique. This is simply a list of nations and regions.

    The Python wrote:Noting that Aumeltopia, through the aforementioned nation Mount Seymour, is an important figure in the region of Forest, where they, among other things, designed the regional flag which is in use to this day, and served, among other positions, as Forest Keeper in 2017, where they created and maintain to this day external means of communication for Forestians, enabling more accurate interaction, and started the annual Forest Photo Contest, which has attracted photographers from all over NationStates in competitions, as well as showing dedication to the environmental cause through Operation 640, codenamed "A Clear-Cut Conundrum", to help world leaders to deal with illegal logging,

    If you need to cut down some characters, there's some places to do so in the first chunk of this clause which is also getting overly burdened with commas. The phrase "to this day" and "among other things" are examples of, imo, filler.

    Perhaps, you may want to consider clauses ending in periods rather than commas as punctuation, as this will give you a bit more freedom with the writing and help avoid excessively stilted and layered clauses.

    The phrase "external means of communication"... external to what? Why are those valuable? Is that phrase legal (I'm not sure)?

    "started the annual Forest Photo Contest, which has attracted photographers from all over NationStates in competitions" - the words "in competitions" can be removed

    I still believe this clause can be broken down into sub-clauses or a sentence structure, although there's a lot of good information here.

    The Python wrote:Celebrating Aumeltopia's contributions to Lazarus during [s]the control of[/s] the Humane Republic and Celestial Union through Aumelodia, by serving[s], among other positions,[/s] as the last Celestial Being from May 2017 [to?? if they were the last because of the coup, maybe just leave out the date], a position that was the supreme authority over Lazarus at the time, where they spent much of their time fighting Funkadelia's rise to power and subsequent coup d'etat in July 2017 by participating in the Lazarene Resistance, an underground movement that fought (albeit unsuccessfully) to protect Lazarus from Funkadelia's numerous illegal actions, and as the last Grand Commandant of the Lazarene Celestial Armada (LCA) [s]from April 2017 until the collapse of the Celestial Union in July[/s], where they doubled recruitment to the LCA, from under 5 active updaters at the start of their term to at least 10 at the end,

    Mostly left comments in the above quote blurb

    Not sure a nation can spend time?

    I'm unsure about including unsuccessful efforts at fight a coup in the clause, but I can be persuaded otherwise.

    The Python wrote:Lauding Aumeltopia's service as WA Delegate of the South Pacific[s], the region in which it currently resides,[/s] from August 2019 to August 2020, where they ran [s]so-called[/s] endorsement days encouraging the art of exchanging endorsements, and oversaw the creation of the Office of WA Legislation, a body designed to administer the South Pacific's participation in the World Assembly [s]itself[/s] by authoring vote recommendations summarising spelling? the opinion of citizens of the South Pacific, democratically choosing the delegate's votes in this body and helping South Pacificans in writing their own resolutions,

    I don't think it's appropriate to say that OWL has yet helped South Pacificans write their own resolutions, I don't see much evidence of that having panned out.

    Why are these things commendable?

    The Python wrote:Appreciating Aumeltopia's further contributions to the defender cause through the founding of Solidarian Fleet, an unfortunately now-defunct interregional defender alliance dedicated to aiding natives in the reconstruction and rebuilding of their regions and communities after invasion,

    It may be worth noting the principles of the Solidarian Fleet are still commonly used by defenders (telegram outreach to native nations, siege tactics to diminish influence and prevent region destruction, etc.), although there are certainly some parts we could do better about.

    The Python wrote:Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, the current flags of the Union of Democratic States and Forest and a former flag of The League of Conservative Nations in use from 2017 until 2018,

    Can a nation possess skills?

    The Python wrote:Recognising Aumeltopia's contributions to this very body by authoring SC#307 Condemn Auphelia, which condemned an evil and disgraced nation known for terrorising the South Pacific and other regions on their Message Boards, and SC#212 Repeal Liberate Kingdom of Ireland, which removed a significant roadblock to the process of addition of a regional password to prevent further invasion, with native sovereignty restored,

    I'm not sure what the clause fragment of "with native sovereignty restored" is doing

    Perhaps move the SC#212 reference to another clause that way it fits better in narrative (somewhat like you did with Somy's issue).

    The Python wrote:Concluding that Aumeltopia's contributions to various regions throughout NationStates are more than worthy of official recognition by this body through a commendation,

    This doesn't do very much
    Sandaoguo wrote:HS is worth 100 times more than the insubstantial (to borderline non-existent) benefits the TNP-TSP “alliance” has created over the last several years.
    Prime Minister and Minister of Defense, Foreign Affairs, and Regional Affairs of the South Pacific
    Chief Executive and Delegate of the Renegade Islands Alliance
    Delegate, Minister, and Senator of 10000 Islands

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    The Python
    Diplomat
     
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    Founded: Jul 24, 2020
    Liberal Democratic Socialists

    Postby The Python » Fri Jun 04, 2021 2:31 pm

    HumanSanity wrote:This does not do very much, although it's an effort. A good lead-in clause should tell me about the character of the nominee and their contributions and what makes that unique. This is simply a list of nations and regions.

    So I changed that.
    HumanSanity wrote:If you need to cut down some characters, there's some places to do so in the first chunk of this clause which is also getting overly burdened with commas. The phrase "to this day" and "among other things" are examples of, imo, filler.

    I de-comma-ized it to get rid of unnecessary ones and some unnecessary filler :P

    HumanSanity wrote:The phrase "external means of communication"... external to what? Why are those valuable? Is that phrase legal (I'm not sure)?

    Hmm, I don't know how to solve this really, like to describe "external to NationStates" it's probably going to either break the fourth wall or imply NS is a game,

    HumanSanity wrote:"started the annual Forest Photo Contest, which has attracted photographers from all over NationStates in competitions" - the words "in competitions" can be removed

    Gone.

    HumanSanity wrote:Mostly left comments in the above quote blurb

    Solved.

    HumanSanity wrote:I don't think it's appropriate to say that OWL has yet helped South Pacificans write their own resolutions, I don't see much evidence of that having panned out.

    Also solved.

    HumanSanity wrote:Why are these things commendable?

    I changed it to say OWL was the first WA department in TSP, the endorsement day programs I don't know if that should go tbh.

    HumanSanity wrote:It may be worth noting the principles of the Solidarian Fleet are still commonly used by defenders (telegram outreach to native nations, siege tactics to diminish influence and prevent region destruction, etc.), although there are certainly some parts we could do better about.

    ok

    HumanSanity wrote:
    The Python wrote:Admiring Aumeltopia's skills in graphic design, as they have created the longest lasting flag of the Free Nations Region, which lasted from 2016 until its replacement in 2021, the current flags of the Union of Democratic States and Forest and a former flag of The League of Conservative Nations in use from 2017 until 2018,

    Can a nation possess skills?

    Is this better?

    HumanSanity wrote:I'm not sure what the clause fragment of "with native sovereignty restored" is doing

    Gone then

    HumanSanity wrote:Perhaps move the SC#212 reference to another clause that way it fits better in narrative (somewhat like you did with Somy's issue).

    Merged it with Solidaritian Fleet clause.

    HumanSanity wrote:
    The Python wrote:Concluding that Aumeltopia's contributions to various regions throughout NationStates are more than worthy of official recognition by this body through a commendation,

    This doesn't do very much
    [/quote]
    Gone
    See more information here.

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    Bhang Bhang Duc
    Senator
     
    Posts: 4721
    Founded: Dec 17, 2003
    Democratic Socialists

    Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Fri Jun 04, 2021 3:20 pm

    Not well written as far as I’m concerned. A serious amount of bloat, filler, fluff and stuff that’s really not Commendable.

    You are doing your nominee no favours with this really poor piece of work.
    Former Delegate of The West Pacific. Guardian (under many Delegates) of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs and former Security Council Advisor.

    The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart
    Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

    RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

    Sedgistan wrote:The SC has just has a spate of really shitty ones recently from Northumbria, his Watermelon fanboy…..

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    The Python
    Diplomat
     
    Posts: 986
    Founded: Jul 24, 2020
    Liberal Democratic Socialists

    Postby The Python » Fri Jun 04, 2021 9:18 pm

    This has been tabled I guess (unless I can be convinced otherwise).
    See more information here.

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    WayNeacTia
    Senator
     
    Posts: 4330
    Founded: Aug 01, 2014
    Ex-Nation

    Postby WayNeacTia » Fri Jun 04, 2021 9:20 pm

    The Python wrote:This has been tabled I guess (unless I can be convinced otherwise).

    You mean shelved?
    Sarcasm dispensed moderately.
    RiderSyl wrote:You'd really think that defenders would communicate with each other about this. I know they're not a hivemind, but at least some level of PR skill would keep Quebecshire and Quebecshire from publically contradicting eac

    wait

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    The Python
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    Founded: Jul 24, 2020
    Liberal Democratic Socialists

    Postby The Python » Fri Jun 04, 2021 9:20 pm

    Wayneactia wrote:
    The Python wrote:This has been tabled I guess (unless I can be convinced otherwise).

    You mean shelved?

    Same thing :P
    See more information here.

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