[PASSED] Commend HumanSanity

[Moonfungus]

bumps the thread

[Crowheim]

I wouldn’t mention the PfS as a commendable point. As an organization, it’s still in its infancy and thus could go anywhere. It could be dead and disbanded in three months for all we know, and it’s not really commendable at this time.

[Moonfungus]

I wouldn’t mention the PfS as a commendable point. As an organization, it’s still in its infancy and thus could go anywhere. It could be dead and disbanded in three months for all we know, and it’s not really commendable at this time.

Fair point, I've update the draft accordingly. Thanks!

[Greater Cesnica]

"Full support, Ambassador."

[Fauxia]

Might mention the Defender Olympics just finished - HS played a crucial role.

[Moonfungus]

"Full support, Ambassador."

IC: "I'm pleased to have your support, Ambassador. Thank you."

Might mention the Defender Olympics just finished - HS played a crucial role.

I will consider adding that, thanks!

[Nova Vandalia]

It's good, HS isn't the worst person to write one on. But It's dry and factual... >.> I mean you're telling me what he did and some of that is pretty unique but like where are the emotive and expresses words. This reads like a resume not a commendation. I'd hire HS, but this is an awards we're giving toss in some nutmeg and paprika and spice it.

"Acclaiming HumanSanity’s skillful authorship of SC#353 “Commend Deadeye Jack” to immortalize the deeds of a dedicated nation which vastly improved numerous regional communities and defended them from incessant hostile invasions,"

is a great. Skillful, and immortalize, and calling Jack Dedicated, that tells me how you feel about the Commend and Jack and the work HS did on it, but this

"Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive (head of government) of RIA after Shizensky retired from the position; where it streamlined the government to be more effective, introduced unique activities to encourage regional participation, and led RIA's military - the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces (RIASF) - in various high-stakes missions with regional allies including the liberation of Lazarus and the refound of Hogwarts in 2015,"

doesn't have the same impact to me.

Sorry I'm jumping around. Here hear me out "Applauding HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership abilities, best exhibited by SC#173 "Commend Renegade Islands Alliance," which passed during its tenure as Chief Executive for RIASF's excellence in defending vulnerable regions from harm,"

Exemplified instead of exhibited. Exhibited is clinical, Exemplified is personal. also I'd drop abilities, that's just me.

I'd add in a lot more powerful and character driven words so that way we don't just get told why HS is deserving but feel it.

[Moonfungus]

It's good, HS isn't the worst person to write one on. But It's dry and factual... >.> I mean you're telling me what he did and some of that is pretty unique but like where are the emotive and expresses words. This reads like a resume not a commendation. I'd hire HS, but this is an awards we're giving toss in some nutmeg and paprika and spice it.

"Acclaiming HumanSanity’s skillful authorship of SC#353 “Commend Deadeye Jack” to immortalize the deeds of a dedicated nation which vastly improved numerous regional communities and defended them from incessant hostile invasions,"

is a great. Skillful, and immortalize, and calling Jack Dedicated, that tells me how you feel about the Commend and Jack and the work HS did on it, but this

"Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive (head of government) of RIA after Shizensky retired from the position; where it streamlined the government to be more effective, introduced unique activities to encourage regional participation, and led RIA's military - the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces (RIASF) - in various high-stakes missions with regional allies including the liberation of Lazarus and the refound of Hogwarts in 2015,"

doesn't have the same impact to me.

Sorry I'm jumping around. Here hear me out "Applauding HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership abilities, best exhibited by SC#173 "Commend Renegade Islands Alliance," which passed during its tenure as Chief Executive for RIASF's excellence in defending vulnerable regions from harm,"

Exemplified instead of exhibited. Exhibited is clinical, Exemplified is personal. also I'd drop abilities, that's just me.

I'd add in a lot more powerful and character driven words so that way we don't just get told why HS is deserving but feel it.

So focus on the emotional side for a bit, instead of the factual side, if I'm understanding this correctly?

I can try to do that, thanks!

[Nova Vandalia]

It's good, HS isn't the worst person to write one on. But It's dry and factual... >.> I mean you're telling me what he did and some of that is pretty unique but like where are the emotive and expresses words. This reads like a resume not a commendation. I'd hire HS, but this is an awards we're giving toss in some nutmeg and paprika and spice it.

"Acclaiming HumanSanity’s skillful authorship of SC#353 “Commend Deadeye Jack” to immortalize the deeds of a dedicated nation which vastly improved numerous regional communities and defended them from incessant hostile invasions,"

is a great. Skillful, and immortalize, and calling Jack Dedicated, that tells me how you feel about the Commend and Jack and the work HS did on it, but this

"Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive (head of government) of RIA after Shizensky retired from the position; where it streamlined the government to be more effective, introduced unique activities to encourage regional participation, and led RIA's military - the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces (RIASF) - in various high-stakes missions with regional allies including the liberation of Lazarus and the refound of Hogwarts in 2015,"

doesn't have the same impact to me.

Sorry I'm jumping around. Here hear me out "Applauding HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership abilities, best exhibited by SC#173 "Commend Renegade Islands Alliance," which passed during its tenure as Chief Executive for RIASF's excellence in defending vulnerable regions from harm,"

Exemplified instead of exhibited. Exhibited is clinical, Exemplified is personal. also I'd drop abilities, that's just me.

I'd add in a lot more powerful and character driven words so that way we don't just get told why HS is deserving but feel it.

So focus on the emotional side for a bit, instead of the factual side, if I'm understanding this correctly?

I can try to do that, thanks!

Yes absolutely please. Obviously you have to keep it inside the SC line but HS from my short experience has a really understanding and growth centered personality I'd love to see that really shine through, and I think find a way to display how those who know them feel better convinces folks than displaying facts they might not understand or care for. But I will warn I appear to be a minority on this, so I'd get advice from others on this move.

[Moonfungus]

Draft 6 is now up. Added some adjectives according to what Nova said and reworded the Deadeye Jack clause to make it more fitting with the rest of the proposal. I decided to not implement Fauxia's suggestion of adding the hosting of Defender Olympics in it, partly due to character constraints and partly due to my inability to figure out how to add that without disrupting the flow of the draft. I also probably couldn't fully implement Nova's suggestions due to, once again, character constraints. The current character count is 4974 with BBCode and 4831 without BBCode.

I would also like to move this into LAST CALL, so if you have any feedback about this, better get them in now. I will probably submit this by the end of this week, will mostly depend on some RL matters I need to take care of first.

[Jedinsto]

Based.

[Zukchiva]

Looks good to me, happy to see this going to vote soon!

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Reads well, a lot of good research into the nominee. Will be happy to recommend support when this comes to the vote.

[Altmoras]

as RIA's Immigration Officer, it recruited new nations into RIA, helping its the region's population grow from 10 to over 300 nations in six months,

In this sentence you use your first "it" to refer to HumanSanity the nation and your second one to refer to RIA the region which is a bit awkward. I would also like to see [nation] tags on the other nations you mention like Shizensky, Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas, and Wischland, but those are all minor nitpicks. Overall very good resolution that I hope passes.

[Tinhampton]

I would also like to see [nation] tags on the other nations you mention like Shizensky, Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas, and Wischland, but those are all minor nitpicks.

...and would take the proposal miles over the character limit anyway

[Moonfungus]

Based.

Looks good to me, happy to see this going to vote soon!

Reads well, a lot of good research into the nominee. Will be happy to recommend support when this comes to the vote.

Overall very good resolution that I hope passes.

Thank you for your support ^_^

In this sentence you use your first "it" to refer to HumanSanity the nation and your second one to refer to RIA the region which is a bit awkward.

Changed, thanks!

I would also like to see [nation] tags on the other nations you mention like Shizensky, Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas, and Wischland

I would've liked to use the nation tags, but unfortunately I'll go over the character limit if I do so. Sorry and thanks for the suggestion!

[Goobergunchia]

I'd add one comma (in blue) here:

Observing HumanSanity’s historic tenure as the Chief Executive (head of government) of RIA; where it streamlined the government to be more effective, introduced unique activities to encourage regional participation, and led RIA's military - the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces (RIASF) - in various high-stakes missions with regional allies, including the liberation of Lazarus and the refound of Hogwarts in 2015,

[Moonfungus]

I'd add one comma (in blue) here:

Observing HumanSanity’s historic tenure as the Chief Executive (head of government) of RIA; where it streamlined the government to be more effective, introduced unique activities to encourage regional participation, and led RIA's military - the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces (RIASF) - in various high-stakes missions with regional allies, including the liberation of Lazarus and the refound of Hogwarts in 2015,

Added, thanks!

[Refuge Isle]

No suggestions. Best of luck, Moon

[Moonfungus]

This has been submitted! Here's the link; https://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_vi ... 1622257889

[LollerLand]

A very worthy nominee. Best of luck!

[Sylh Alanor]

Happy to support this. Good luck

[Lenlyvit]

Hey, good draft and good luck! I'll happily be voting for on this one.

[Andusre]

I will be proudly casting my vote For & wish both you and HS all the best!!

[Moonfungus]

This is has now reached quorum! Thank you all for your support!