[Submitted] - The Kicker is in the Details

by **Valentine Z** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 8:15 am

Current Draft: 8

Title – The Kicker is in the Details

The Issue
Due to the relative lack of budget, you have been told that it is not possible to go forward with renovating key parts of @@CAPITAL@@. Fearing that this might extend from relatively non-essential projects to necessities such as infrastructure and utilities, an open mic session has been hosted in order to gather suggestions.

[Issue Validity]: Maybe only for Capitalist nations with Small Economy? It's possible!

The Talking Point

*1. "Ahh, do I have a proposal for you!" exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in @@HIS@@ laptop displaying a website called @@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go, navigated specifically to his company's profile, "@@LEADER@@, do you know what crowdfunding is? The very idea of relying on the mass around you in order to get some capital and budget that you really need right here. You and the government are in dire need of money, so what better way to publicize these projects with the click of a button, and raise more money than you can ever imagine? Crowdfunding is the future for you and @@NATION@@!"
[effect] water treatment plants often stopped working due to pooled funds drying up
[validity] must not ban computers OR internet

*2. "Ahh, do I have a proposal for you!" exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in @@HIS@@ oversized easel with logos of @@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go and @@HIS@@ company plastered all over, "@@LEADER@@, do you know what crowdfunding is? The very idea of relying on the mass around you in order to get some capital and budget that you really need right here. You and the government are in dire need of money, so what better way to publicize these projects with a lot of posters, and raise more money than you can ever imagine? Crowdfunding is the future for you and @@NATION@@!"
[effect] water treatment plants often stopped working due to pooled funds drying up
[validity] must ban computers AND internet

3. "No, a million times no!" hollers a random citizen, pointing his finger at Khidami, "I'm sorry, @@LEADER@@, but do you know who he is? A charlatan! He constantly makes flimsy promises on his supposed products, only to run away with the money. What makes you think we will believe that you are not going to deliver empty promises just like him? Crowdfunding has no place in our society, none. If you want funds, why don't you work for us for once, eh? Then maybe you will all get the money for that darn project."
[effect] it's always a kicker to see ministers and civil servants starting to sweat under a day's work

4. "Once again, it all boils down to a yes-no," sighs Eadith Ostrom, who recently won The Foresight Award in General Economics, "Crowdfunding is a tool that can be abused in the wrong hands. No offense, but do you people ever stop and wonder if the projects you backed are too good to be true? If these are the miracle devices as advertised, surely a few of us must have given it some thought! I propose that we allow crowdfunding for non-essential services and products, while using meager budgets we have for our utilities and healthcare. Of course, you will still need oversights to make sure that the projects are feasible and reasonable to work with, and you might need to increase the taxes just a little to increase the meager budget. Sounds good, yes?"
[effect] @@LEADER@@ started using crowdfunding to build another house

Title – The Kicker is in the Details

The Issue
Due to the relative lack of budget, you have been told that it is not possible to go forward with renovating key parts of @@CAPITAL@@. Fearing that this might extend from non-essential projects to necessities such as utilities, your government aides and people alike have once again approached you regarding this matter.

The Talking Point

1. "Ahh, do I have a proposal for you!" exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in his laptop displaying a website called @@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go, navigated specifically to his company's profile, "@@LEADER@@, do you know what crowdfunding is? The very idea of relying on the mass around you in order to get some capital and budget that you really need right here. You and the government are in dire need of money, so what better way to publicize these projects and raise more than you can ever imagine?" Pausing for a moment, @@HE@@ leans in to whisper into your ear, "You don't even need to promise the project, if you know what I mean?"
[effect] water treatment plants often stopped working due to pooled funds drying up

2. "Hey, I heard that!" hollers a random citizen, "What utter nonsense of it all. Is it not bad enough that you are going to ask for money from us, BUT to listen to this charlatan about how you don't need to deliver promises? No, a million times no. Crowdfunding has no place in our society, especially not from the likes of these people who conned money from innocent folks like me. We don't need the government to be part of this nonsense too. Just raise the taxes a little bit, while killing crowdfunding for all. Yes, that extends to private businesses too."
[effect] the word "crowdfunding" is sure to gather a lot of ire from the crowd

3. "Once again, it all boils down to a yes-no," sighs Eadith Ostrom, who recently won The Foresight Award in General Economics, "Crowdfunding is a tool that can be abused in the wrong hands. No offense, but do you really think those "AI-enabled, Blockchain-supporting devices" are going to work? If these are the miracle devices to solve a government's problem, surely the world's leading scientists and engineers must have given it some thought, right? So, I propose that we allow crowdfunding for non-essential services and products, while using meager budgets we have for utilities and healthcare. Of course, you will still need an oversight to make sure that the projects are feasible and reasonable to work with. Sounds good, yes?"
[effect] the government started using crowdfunding to expand its White House

Title – The Kicker is in the Details

The Issue
Due to the relative lack of budget, you have been told that it is not possible to go forward with the renovation of @@CAPITAL@@. Fearing that this might extend from non-essential projects to necessities such as utilities, your government aides and people alike have once again approached you regarding this matter.

The Talking Point

1. "Ahh, do I have a proposal for you!" exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in his laptop displaying a website called @@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go, and then navigating to his company profile with a lot of five-@@NATIONALCURRENCY@@ buzzwords plastered all over, "@@LEADER@@, do you know what crowdfunding is? The very idea of relying on the mass around you in order to get some capital and budget that you really need right here. You and the government are in dire need of money, so what better way to publicize these projects and raise more than you can ever imagine?" Pausing for a moment, @@HE@@ leans in to whisper into your ear, "You don't even need to promise the project, if you know what I mean?"
[effect] water treatment plants often stopped working due to pooled funds drying up

2. "Hey, I heard that!" hollers a random citizen, "What utter nonsense of it all. Is it not bad enough that you are going to ask for money from us, BUT to listen from this charlatan about how you don't need to deliver promises? No, a million times no. Crowdfunding has no place in our society, especially not from the likes of these people who conned money from innocent folks. We don't need the government to be part of this nonsense too. Just raise the taxes a little bit, while killing crowdfunding for all. Yes, that extends to private businesses too."
[effect] the word "crowdfunding" is sure to gather a lot of ire from the crowd

3. "Once again, it all boils down to a yes-no," sighs Eadith Ostrom, who recently won The Foresight Award in General Economics, "Crowdfunding is a tool that can be abused in the wrong hands. On the other hand, no offense but you all also need to pay attention to certain things in life. I mean, do you really think those AI-enabled, Blockchain-supporting, Machine Learning devices are going to work? If these are the miracle devices to solve a government's problem, surely the world's leading scientists and engineers must have given it some thought, right? Anyway, I do propose that we keep crowdfunding for non-essential services and products, while using whatever budget we have for utilities and healthcare. Of course, you will need an oversight to make sure that the projects are feasible and reasonable to work with. Sounds good?"
[effect] the government started using crowdfunding to expand its White House

Title – The Kicker is in the Details

Possible Validities (with commentary): So I have been doing this draft for a while, but I simply could not come down to the right way of approaching yet. As of now, Kickstarter and IndieGoGo IRL are something that is not that big of a deal for a government to take notice. Yes, they do get taken down if you generate a lot of fuss and have people investigating further, but often times, the government does not get involved to ban them all. In other words, what would it be like if the government is the one looking into such a venture? Let's give this a try, I thought to myself. Given the nature of the issue, computers and Internet must also not be banned.

The Issue
Due to the relative lack of budget, a lot of the government projects are at the risk of being put on halt indefinitely. Fearing that this might extend from non-essential projects to necessities such as utilities, your government aides and people alike have once again approached you regarding this matter.

The Talking Point

1. "Ahh, do I have a proposal for you!" exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in his laptop displaying a website called @@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go, and then navigating to his company profile with a lot of five-@@NATIONALCURRENCY@@ buzzwords plastered all over, "@@LEADER@@, do you know what crowdfunding is? The very idea of relying on the mass around you in order to get some capital and budget that you really need right here. It's like donations, except they are donating for your idea! You and the government are in dire need of money, so what better way to publicize these projects and raise more than you can ever imagine?" Pausing for a moment, @@HE@@ leans in to whisper into your ear, "You don't even need to promise the project, if you know what I mean?"
[effect] water treatment plants often went into an indefinite halt due to shortage of funds

2. "Hey, I heard that!" hollers a random citizen that came barging in from the back of the crowd "What utter nonsense of it all. Is it not bad enough that you are going to ask for money from us, BUT to listen from this charlatan about how you don't need to deliver it? No, a million times no, I'm sorry. Even in this dire time, crowdfunding has no place in our society, especially not from the likes of these people who conned money from innocent folks. We don't need the government to be part of this nonsense too. Just raise the taxes a little bit, while killing crowdfunding for all. Yes, that includes private projects."
[effect] the word "crowdfunding" nets one a lot of ire from the crowd around them

*3. "Once again, it all boils down to a yes-no," sighs Eadith Ostrom, who recently won the Nobel Prize*** in Economics, "Crowdfunding is a tool, and just like many other tools, it can be abused. Mr. Khidami here is an epitome of one. On the other hand, no offense to you, my dear fellow, but you will also need to pay attention to certain things in life. I mean, do you really think those AI-enabled, Blockchain-supporting, and Machine Learning devices are going to work? If these are the miracle devices to solve a government's problem, surely @@LEADER@@ must have gave it some thought, right? Anyway, I do propose that we keep crowdfunding for non-essential services and products, while using whatever budget we have for utilities and healthcare. Sound good?"
[validity] For non-Capitalist nations.
[effect] the government started using crowdfunding to expand upon its White House

*4. "Once again, it all boils down to a yes-no," sighs Eadith Ostrom, who recently won the Nobel Prize*** in Economics, "Crowdfunding is a tool, and just like many other tools, it can be abused. Mr. Khidami here is an epitome of one. On the other hand, no offense to you, my dear fellow, but you will also need to pay attention to certain things in life. I mean, do you really think those AI-enabled, Blockchain-supporting, and Machine Learning devices are going to work? If these are such the miracle devices of the future, surely every national and transnational corporations must have thought of it, right? Anyway, I do propose that we keep crowdfunding for non-essential services and products, while using whatever budget we have for utilities and healthcare. Sound good?"
[validity] For Capitalist nations.
[effect] the government started using crowdfunding to expand upon its White House

*** I will need an expy for Nobel Prize, I am not going to use the actual name inside a submission.

Title – The Kicker is in the Details

The Issue
Recently, several complaints from the citizens regarding a particular website reached your desk. It turns out that an insurmountable amount of money went into funding countless number of projects in Jump-Fund-Go – a site whereby users are allowed to propose a project to crowdfund and to distribute if successful. While these often delivered as promised, there was no guarantee that the donators would get their products, or even their money back if the project is unsuccessful. You decided to surf the internet for possible action to take, while engaging in the Jump-Fund-Go site through the forums and its live-chat.

The Talking Point

1. “The gall of it all!” cries a citizen using the alias “Michael”, who recently funded a project titled PocketDryer, "I am tired of these scammers. At first, it was an amazing place, isn’t it? People have a lot of ideas, and some of these ideas were genuinely good and with experience to back. Best of all, you get the product that you funded for! Isn't that magical? Nowadays, all we got were empty promises, years of waiting, and kissing our money goodbye. No more crowdfunding for @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@!"
[effect] the word "crowdfunding" nets one a lot of ire from the crowd around them

2. As you read through the comments, a user named @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@Khidami caught your attention. His profile, with a particularly stock-looking face, described himself as the founder of Proteus, a company dedicated to some unorthodox projects. The user has replied in return, “Oh, don’t be so foolish. You all know what you are funding at - that is your money, and your choice. I do apologise for the endless delays, and sure, there are bad apples here and there that never delivered, but I can assure you that my AI-enabled, Blockchain-supporting, and Machine Learning devices are those that big companies don’t want you to have. It’s a dryer that perpetually generates money, how does that not sound cool? @@LEADER@@, I bet you don’t even know half the potential of my projects! What do you say you encourage crowdfunding in this fine nation? I could even let you have the prototypes and funding perks for half the regular amount. All of these funds will stay domestically, of course. No chances of it being laundered, if you are wondering."
[effect] construction projects often went into an indefinite halt due to shortage of funds

3. By this point, you have been reading myriads of shorter messages – most of them supporting Michael, some supporting the fellow from Proteus. Eventually, there came another one, with a name that simply says, He wrote on the forum: "This is the kind of thing that we don’t need to be so black and white about. For every absurd and ridiculous cons, lies a diamond in the rough now and then. Don’t you suppose that you could, for example, limit the type of projects that are allowed on the site? We should let Jump-Fund-Go assign actual moderators and curators to assess the type of things that were being crowdfunded. I mean, there's no problem with fun and creative card games or a niche gadget that doesn't claim to do anything outrageous, but a replica of the Play of Crowns palace, really? Do you people really think that will get funded? Force people to not get overly ambitious!"
[effect] the recent most successful project on Jump-Fund-Go is "a notepad with locks"

Title – The Kicker is in the Details

The Issue
Recently, complaints from the citizens regarding a particular website has caught your attention. It turns out that an insurmountable amount of money went into funding a countless number of projects in Jump-Fund-Go – a site whereby users are allowed to propose a project to crowdfund and to distribute if successful. While most of these were delivered as promised, there was no guarantee that the donators would get their products, or even get their money back if the project is unsuccessful. You decided to surf the internet for possible action to take, while engaging in the Jump-Fund-Go site through a forum and live-chat.

The Talking Point
1. “The gall of it all!” cries a citizen using the alias “Michael”, who recently funded a project titled PocketDryer, “I bet no one is even reading this, but I am tired of these scammers. At first, it was an amazing place, isn’t it? People have a lot of ideas, and some of these ideas were genuinely good and with experience to back. But nope, all we got were empty promises and kissing our money goodbye. They ran off with it, these conmen. I am invoking the Jump-Fund-Go Policy to get my refund, or I would genuinely love to see this place shuttered.”
[effect] crowds of people with a lot of funding are considered suspect and subsequently disbanded

2. As you read through the comments, a user named @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@Khidami caught your attention. His profile, with a particularly stock-looking face, described himself as the founder of Proteus, a company dedicated to some unorthodox projects. The user has replied in return, “Oh, don’t be so foolish. Crowdfunding is the future and you know it. Sure, there might be some bad apples here and there along the way, but I can assure you that my AI-enabled, Blockchain-supporting, and Machine Learning devices are those that big companies don’t want you to have. It’s a dryer that perpetually generates money, how does that not sound cool? @@LEADER@@, I bet you don’t even know half the potential of my projects! What do you say you encourage crowdfunding in this fine nation? I could even let you have the prototypes and funding perks for half the regular amount. DM me your credit card number if you are interested…”
[effect] the @@DEMONYM@@ products now comes with a label of shame “Works only occasionally.”

3. By this point, you have been reading myriads of shorter messages – some supporting Michael, some supporting the fellow from Proteus. Eventually, there came another one, with a name that simply says, “New User”. The user later identified himself as your national affairs advisor through DMs. He wrote on the forum: “This is the kind of thing that we don’t need to be so black and white about. For every absurd and ridiculous cons, lies a diamond in the rough now and then. I funded for that card game, and it actually turned out to be pretty fun, and the perks are nice. Don’t you suppose that you could, for example, limit the type of projects that are allowed on the site? Let the people have their fun hobbyist things, while banning the “world-changing inventions” and obvious scams from the site. Also could you fund a board game I sent you to your inbox?”
[effect] the patent office sees an increasing number of proposals for perpetual motion machines, to potato salads with dressing infused into them

by **Valentine Z** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 8:16 am

I searched a little for "Crowdfunding", "Crowdsourcing", and "Kickstarter" on this sub-forum. At least, it showed me that there are no drafts or current issues that talked about the cons (hehe) of crowdfunding. I searched for "Kickstarter" only because I want to see if there are similar or clashing drafts people might have thought of, also because I know I can't use the name 1:1 in an issue.

Feedback welcome! ♥ Perhaps just not "Why would the leader even bother with this?" or "This is a petty thing for a leader." Unfortunately received many of these comments last time.

by **Trotterdam** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:57 pm

Valentine Z wrote:Feedback welcome! ♥ Perhaps just not "Why would the leader even bother with this?" or "This is a petty thing for a leader." Unfortunately received many of these comments last time.

Well, sorry, but...

Valentine Z wrote:"I am invoking the Jump-Fund-Go Policy to get my refund, or I would genuinely love to see this place shuttered.”

If the website already has their own refund policy, then why do you need to go through government channels? You'd only need to bother @@LEADER@@ about it if the website itself either couldn't or refused to offer you a refund.

Anyway, I can see three circumstances that can lead to a crowdfunded project failing:
1. Some people do pledge money, but not enough to actually meet the stated funding goals. In this case, it's reasonable to say that the people who pledged money shouldn't actually have to pay it - you only pay what you promised if the project proceeds.
2. The project owners are scammers who never planned on delivering anything. This is simple fraud and should be dealt with as such. The problem with many scammers is that they use fake names and then run off and hide their earnings in a Manamanan bank account, so it's hard to hold them accountable later. There's little conversy about that you should take scammers' money back if you can.
3. The project owners honestly overestimated their capabilities, and couldn't deliver what they thought they could. This is the hardest situation. Being forced to either complete the project (which probably costs even more money than originally anticipated) or pay back all their backers (with money that they probably don't have anymore because they frittered it on their failed project) would both be quite ruinous to the well-meaning project owners (no-one's perfect), but not doing so would understandably upset the backers who lost their money.

There are also cases where the project does get finished, but doesn't live up to the original hype.

I don't think limiting which kinds of projects can use crowdfunding (to "fun hobbyist things") is much of a solution. Would-be video game writers are just as capable of overestimating their skills as people manufacturing more practical products.

Ultimately, it's a balance between "caveat emptor" and letting backers think carefully which projects they trust enough to invest in, while still taking organized legal action against blatant abuse of the system.

(Speaking of investment, similar things already happen with conventional shareholder business models. Those typically have far fewer individual backers, with greater rewards for those backers if the project does succeeed since they get a share of the profits, but the project is just as capable of failing and turning out to be a waste of money.)

by **Valentine Z** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 5:31 pm

Option 1 and the Talking Point might have went through a few prior changes beforehand. I'll see what else I can think of later at night.

Thanks for the feedback.

Edit: My plan later at night is to make sure that this is more of a bigger deal for the government to take note of. Perhaps say, maybe a cousin or your relative was using the funds to invest in some shady projects (would explain the idea of "What happened to our budget?). Or maybe even a money laundering scheme being exposed (which some of the IRL projects are suspected of).

I'll give it more time to think about today.

by **Trotterdam** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:20 pm

Valentine Z wrote:Perhaps say, maybe a cousin or your relative was using the funds to invest in some shady projects

I don't like "@@LEADER@@'s relative" issues. At least, not unless it's only using it as a framing device for a wider issue that is also applicable to people who aren't @@LEADER@@'s relative. A relative of @@LEADER@@ being involved by itself doesn't make it any more of a government issue unless your government is corrupt.

by **Valentine Z** » Tue Jan 05, 2021 6:28 pm

Trotterdam wrote:
Valentine Z wrote:Perhaps say, maybe a cousin or your relative was using the funds to invest in some shady projects
I don't like "@@LEADER@@'s relative" issues. At least, not unless it's only using it as a framing device for a wider issue that is also applicable to people who aren't @@LEADER@@'s relative. A relative of @@LEADER@@ being involved by itself doesn't make it any more of a government issue unless your government is corrupt.

Yeah, I can see why, no worries about that! I do think it's getting a bit tiring and cliche to see "Leader's relative", so.... Yeah, let's see what I can or might so with the second draft! ^^

by **Valentine Z** » Thu Apr 15, 2021 10:11 am

So this is a revisit of the old draft that I have been leaving it lying around for so long. Here's another shot at it! Sadly, there are not a lot of changes but I do took what Trotterdam in consideration and wrote about it.

Again, feedback is welcome! I might write and refine it more because truth be told, I am still looking for the best direction I can take with this.

by **Daarwyrth** » Thu Apr 15, 2021 12:50 pm

The premise of this issue draft seems quite promising and interesting to me. I think you have described the problem aptly, and you are onto something here, I feel. One thing that does spring to mind is how socialist countries would handle this. Would there be kickstarter initiatives in state-controlled economies? I do think that is something to consider for the premise.

As to the options, I think the first option is okay in length, but options 2 and 3 will need to be shortened significantly. What the options represent sounds fine to me, but in their current form the texts are a bit of a long read. My suggestion would be to bring options 2 & 3 down to the bare bones of what they'll do, and then add a little flavouring to it.

In general, I think this is issue draft has an interesting topic!

by **Valentine Z** » Thu Apr 15, 2021 2:06 pm

Thanks for the feedback, and I will consider that for my next edit! Yeah, I thought of crowdfunding in socialist countries as well. I will think about something for that. ^^

by **Australian rePublic** » Wed Apr 21, 2021 5:28 pm

If you agreed to give money knowing gatherers a chance you'll lose it, then why is it a leader problem?

by **Valentine Z** » Wed Apr 21, 2021 9:20 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:If you agreed to give money knowing gatherers a chance you'll lose it, then why is it a leader problem?

Make enough of a fuss, and it will become a leader's problem.

On a more serious note, Kickstarter is certainly a difficult thing to pull off, and I am aware of needing further work and still am thinking of ways to approach it. The idea is to make Kickstarting a non-problem at first, but eventually it will become too much to be ignored, and yes, I want to also put in a statement or two about "Hey, you people backed us up, it's not our fault."

A good majority of the RL Kickstarting projects are fishy, but they are not always the fault of the backers. Some of these projects actually have merit or two, and even before COVID, countless delays and waiting has happened, or that people get something less desirable than they were promised.

In short, I am thinking of a rewrite again.

by **Nooooooooooooooo** » Wed Apr 21, 2021 9:31 pm

I've got a question, how did the Proteus guy address @@LEADER@@? If this is a forum, how would they know that @@LEADER@@ is looking through the posts? Also I feel like you should put @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@.

by **Valentine Z** » Wed Apr 21, 2021 9:36 pm

Nooooooooooooooo wrote:I've got a question, how did the Proteus guy address @@LEADER@@? If this is a forum, how would they know that @@LEADER@@ is looking through the posts? Also I feel like you should put @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@.

Ehh, could be gender-flexible.

As for that, I think I should have clarified about how there was a chat/forum specifically opened to talk to Leader about this. Again, I am aware of the holes and truth be told, I still have not got the best of ideas with this just yet, so... yeah, rewrite!

by **Valentine Z** » Wed Jun 02, 2021 8:51 am

The 3rd draft is up and yes, it has been revamped once again! Thank you very much to everyone involved for the valuable feedback. I did take in and listened to your advice and at the end of the day, I do feel that this might be the best way on going forward with this idea.

To reiterate from the new post in OP: So I have been doing this draft for a while, but I simply could not come down to the right way of approaching yet. As of now, Kickstarter and IndieGoGo IRL are something that is not that big of a deal for a government to take notice. Yes, they do get taken down if you generate a lot of fuss and have people investigating further, but often times, the government does not get involved to ban them all. In other words, what would it be like if the government is the one looking into such a venture? Let's give this a try, I thought to myself. Given the nature of the issue, computers and Internet must also not be banned.

For better clarification: It is true that this has been sitting around before the contest, but I have not submitted it yet, and am just repurposing for this contest. ♥

by **Sacara** » Wed Jun 02, 2021 9:17 pm

I like the way the draft is heading, but I still think we can improve upon it. As the description is currently written, it seems unfocused and overly broad. "[A] lot of government projects are at the risk of being put on halt indefinitely", that just doesn't pique my interest. Instead, why not frame it as a specific popular project, such as a downtown @@CAPITAL@@ renovation or something? Then, you can have a local community crowd-funding project and frame the issue over whether or not the government should allow that. I think that would make it much more focused and interesting, personally. Also, trim, trim, trim. There's just too much going on in each option as it stands.

by **Valentine Z** » Wed Jun 02, 2021 9:34 pm

Sacara wrote:I like the way the draft is heading, but I still think we can improve upon it. As the description is currently written, it seems unfocused and overly broad. "[A] lot of government projects are at the risk of being put on halt indefinitely", that just doesn't pique my interest. Instead, why not frame it as a specific popular project, such as a downtown @@CAPITAL@@ renovation or something? Then, you can have a local community crowd-funding project and frame the issue over whether or not the government should allow that. I think that would make it much more focused and interesting, personally. Also, trim, trim, trim. There's just too much going on in each option as it stands.

I will work on the issue description, thank you! ♥ As for the options, I will see what I can do, it's just that I seem to be a bit verbose to specific about the points. Still, yes, I will work on a new draft.

by **Valentine Z** » Tue Jun 22, 2021 10:02 am

Draft 4 has been posted! Though for the time being, I tried my best to shorten the descriptions, but if I cut out any more, it will start losing some essential bits, in my personal opinion.

Feedback welcome! ♥

by **Daarwyrth** » Wed Jun 23, 2021 2:10 pm

Due to the relative lack of budget, you have been told that it is not possible to go forward with the renovation of @@CAPITAL@@.

I'm a little unsure about the premise here. A renovation of the entire @@CAPITAL@@ seems, a lot. Perhaps you could scale it down a little to "key parts of @@CAPITAL@@".

exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in his laptop displaying a website called @@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go, and then navigating to his company profile with a lot of five-@@NATIONALCURRENCY@@ buzzwords plastered all over,

Do you think you could shorten this a little more? It's still fairly lengthy, and perhaps there's a way to convey the same message but shorter? If you prefer to keep it this way, then of course that is fine! I do like the first option though, nicely written

BUT to listen from this charlatan

This should be "BUT to listen to this charlatan", I believe.

"Once again, it all boils down to a yes-no," sighs Eadith Ostrom, who recently won The Foresight Award in General Economics, "Crowdfunding is a tool that can be abused in the wrong hands. On the other hand, no offense but you all also need to pay attention to certain things in life. I mean, do you really think those AI-enabled, Blockchain-supporting, Machine Learning devices are going to work? If these are the miracle devices to solve a government's problem, surely the world's leading scientists and engineers must have given it some thought, right? Anyway, I do propose that we keep crowdfunding for non-essential services and products, while using whatever budget we have for utilities and healthcare. Of course, you will need an oversight to make sure that the projects are feasible and reasonable to work with. Sounds good?"

I feel this option needs to be shortened somewhat, as it's really long. Try to find a slightly more succinct way to phrase the same idea

the government started using crowdfunding to expand its White House

Perhaps it would be better to replace "White House"? Perhaps with "@@LEADER@@'s residence/office".

Overall, a very interesting issue idea, but the text can use a little polishing here and there. You're well on track I think, though!

by **Valentine Z** » Sun Jun 27, 2021 8:32 am

With less than 3 days to go, the 5th Draft is finally up after the feedback has been given. Thank you so much for your valuable feedback as well, Daarwyrth! ♥

by **Jutsa** » Sun Jun 27, 2021 8:52 pm

Alrighty, Val. Lets tear this draft apart.

Due to the relative lack of budget, you have been told that it is not possible to go forward with renovating key parts of @@CAPITAL@@. Fearing that this might extend from non-essential projects to necessities such as utilities, your government aides and people alike have once again approached you regarding this matter.

I like this. Honestly, an issue about kickstarter campaigns and junk in general seems sensible, and I'm glad this issue has that as a dimension (covered in option 2). It's really good.

One thing I might do is have "your government aides and people alike have once again approached you regarding this matter." could have something like "have suggested starting a crowd funding campaign". That way, people kinda know what the issue's about right from the description. Otherwise, players would probably assume this is an issue about building a project in town, and not an issue about crowdfunding.

exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in his laptop displaying a website called @@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go, navigated specifically to his company's profile,

I know crowdfunding is mostly an internet-based thing, but I feel like an alternative option could be made for nations without it. After all, governments and groups of people can still start large movements through newspaper ads and in-person advertising and the likes to round up funding. I'll leave it up to you if you want to keep internet as a requirement for this issue, but a fun variant for internetless nations might be something like this:
exclaims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Khidami, bringing in a large banner displaying a "@@NATIONALANIMAL@@-Fund-Go" logo, nestled neatly beside @@HIS@@ company's trademark.
Idk, something like that might be interesting. Of course, that doesn't apply to socialist nations... and suddenly, crowdfunding in socialist nations seems quite interesting (not to convolute your draft anymore). Also, you have "him" in your existing text. <:)

Pausing for a moment, @@HE@@ leans in to whisper into your ear, "You don't even need to promise the project, if you know what I mean?"

I feel like you could do two things with this. Either have this specifically as a corrupt third or fourth option, or change it to say "You can even keep any excess proceeds donated to the cause." Or something like that. Regardless, I feel like, having "to build up part of @@CAPITAL@@ so strongly part of the premise, the first option should reflect this more. But that's just my opinion.

2. "Hey, I heard that!" hollers a random citizen, "What utter nonsense of it all. Is it not bad enough that you are going to ask for money from us, BUT to listen to this charlatan about how you don't need to deliver promises? No, a million times no. Crowdfunding has no place in our society, especially not from the likes of these people who conned money from innocent folks like me. We don't need the government to be part of this nonsense too. Just raise the taxes a little bit, while killing crowdfunding for all. Yes, that extends to private businesses too."

So. About this option. It's good - I approve of the "ban crowdfunding" option - but I feel like it could stand two things, maybe three.
Firstly, it specifically tells you not to crowdfund, but then it says you should raise taxes to pay for the project. I'm not against having a "raise taxes" option, but it feels a bit counterintuitive. For a speaker going on about pulling yourself together by the booststraps, they seem like they'd instead suggest holding off on building projects and instead saving money or using credit to pay for the projects.
Secondly, it's a little longwinded. I'm sure you could probably cut it down a little bit.

Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that the speaker calls the first one a charlatan (I'd keep it), but (especially if you change option 1 to my recommendation) it seems a little log-winded when you could instead just open with "You're not going to listen to this charlatan!" or something like that. Again, up to you though.

Option 3... hmm. I'm not super-following what it's talking about, if I may be honest. :blush:

It seems like it's trying to be some sort of compromise, and yet it seems just sort-of like it's keeping the status quo? I.e. it's letting nonforprofits use gofundme's, but health care and the likes should be covered through taxes. Which, y'know. I think it's a longwinded dismiss button, personally, but my apologies if I'm misinterpreting it. :blush:

Option 3 could instead be something along the lines of "tax people more and fund the project yourself", or - optionally, if you want to get really crazy - use crowdfunding as an excuse to slash taxes for welfare and healthcare, since people are donating anyway. Just a thought. :lol:

TL;DR:
1) Lengthy options (2 and 3 particularly)
2) Option 1's a bit too corrupt
3) Option 2's speaker has mildly inconsistent logic
4) Option 3 seems confusingly underwhelming
5) I think you could hypothetically make this work for non-internet (and maybe even socialist) nations, but I'd understand if that's a bit much.

I hope this helps, Val. My apologies for dropping by so late. Feel free to take/leave what you wish, and good luck with your draft.

by **Valentine Z** » Sun Jun 27, 2021 9:25 pm

Oh no, it's all right! Many thanks for doing this for me even when the deadline is approaching! ♥️

I'll do my best to draft it out tonight after I came back from work. I have dealt with tighter deadlines before in school, so this is normal. Haha, I kid!

Thank you very much, I'll give it a read and write my next draft!

by **Valentine Z** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 7:14 am

From 3 options, to absolutely monstrous 7 options. I know, I didn't change anything for former Option 3, I apologise. I still wanted to put the middle ground option in, but I will need to work on that in the meantime.

A huge thanks to Jutsa and everyone else for the wondrous feedback - even if time has expired (which it has not), I will still use this as a regular submission. ♥

EDIT: I added colors into validity and effects for now to make it easier to see. Please do let me know too if this causes more eyestrain.

by **Jutsa** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 10:23 am

Hmmh. I'm not sure the changes really address what I was getting at, and instead they just seem to create an excessive amount of very similar variants.

I mean. The corrupt option is still definitively corrupt and does not address the actual problem of setting up funds for the town if you're just going to steal the money anyway. That's why I said it might do well for its own option, or downplayed. Making it solely for corrupt nations doesn't really resolve that matter.
On top of that, now you have two other versions involving high integrity, both of which conclude that you should donate to a good cause excess money. I'd think you'd want to just refund the money. That being said, I really don't feel like this option should even have variants for high/low corruption nations, for reasons I've stated as well as the simple fact that it bloats the option count too heavily.

On top of that, option 5/6 now are split as well? Not really necessary (especially if option 6 is going to imply you won't fulfil promises anyway, which I don't feel is the right call to begin with), in my opinion, but uh. Again, your call I suppose, but if not remerge them I'd at least change that line in the second speaker.

by **Valentine Z** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 7:03 pm

Ironically, Draft 7 is the one without 7 options! Yeah, I got carried away, truth be told. I might have misunderstood what you are going for, and now that I read back at it when I feel more refreshed, I am finally able to look at this better.

As for Option 4, I am honestly still not very sure what to do as of now, I might do a Draft 7.1 later during my lunch break. Thanks again as always! ♥

by **Fauxia** » Mon Jun 28, 2021 7:54 pm

Your validity is slightly messed up right now I think - it is possible for a nation to ban the internet but not computers, meaning they get neither option 1 or option 2.

I don't think Option 3 does a great job at stating its case right now. It's just sorta like "no". Perhaps there is a funny way to come up with why the speaker thinks it's a con?

[Submitted] - The Kicker is in the Details

[Submitted] - The Kicker is in the Details

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