The Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation

[Spartan Philidelphia]

The Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation

A PROUD Member of the League of Vital Evil

And there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop me except nothing.

Yes folks! We sell stuff here. So buy something. And as a bonus, we'll give you this free list of facts about the greatest storefront in the world!

1. Founded 1984
2. 2nd largest company in Spartan Philidelphia
3. No misspellings in Spartan Philidelphia
4. CAN SELL YOU ALMOST ANYTHING

But it is long held that the evil forces of physics working to destroy the universe are also entirely against this corporation, forcing us to not sell items which have long included the letter "W". It's not that it's a bad letter, or evil, or good, it's just that for some reason, shipping it overseas is such a hassle. Things like watches, windows, plastic minnows, Wisconsin, and water, simply disappear, becoming lost in the process of getting to your front door. But of course, feel free to buy clocks, "holes in the wall allowing people to see outside", plastic fish, the state next to the top half of Michigan, and hydroxyl acid. Do it.*

And that's all I have to say about that.

1. Index
   
   1. Introduction and Index
   2. News
   3. Rules
   4. Procedure

Old Storefront: Exploding with excellent examples of exceedingly extravagant services: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=11042
Older Storefront***: Earlier experiments in entreprenuership: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=573

Not Alliterations

*Words in this paragraph may or may not be true.
**Salad bar offer not valid in North America, except the west coast.
***Notice how everything is in bold for a lot of it.

Buy, buy, buy. Get a free 1% discount

~Serviced by Luigi Mario,
CEO of Spartan Philidelphia Almost Anything Corporation

[Spartan Philidelphia]

The Informational News

"Spartan Philidelphia is ignored."

1. The Facts of Life:
   
   1. The Capital City-State of Spartan Philidelphia resides on the largest island named Spartan Philidelphia in a chain of islands named Spartan Philidelphia.
      
      1. The Capital City-State is divided into 7 boroughs, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Maryland, Delaware, and West Virginia. All of these names are completely original.
      2. Though technically one city-state, it is not one singular urban area.

IN OTHER NEWS, PEOPLE DOES NOT WIRE ANY MONEY
Anger and outrage rage over outrageousness of people who do not wire any money.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

The Rulebook of Laws

"You wouldn't download a car, a purse, or WMD's. DIGITAL PIRACY IS STEALING."

S1: Rules
S2: There is no S2
S3: Miscellaneous

SECTION ONE
Rule One: Please do not order anything with a "W" in it.
Rule Two: There is no rule two.
Rule Three: Be civil
Rule Four: Follow NS Forum Protocols.


SECTION TWO
There is no section two.

SECTION THREE
Rule Five: Have fun, but not too much fun. We need to appeal to the lame-stream industry.
Rule Six: There is no rule two.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

The Procedural Procedure

Please follow them.

1. FIRST! Tell what you desire and what you may pay! (No W's)
2. Second! ???
3. Third!: I PROFIT!

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Reserved Post

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Reserved Post

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Reserved Post

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Reserved Post

[Pinsk]

We here in Pinsk would like to buy a pre-made small airport.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

We here in Pinsk would like to buy a pre-made small airport.

Building Pre-Made Small Airport

It is being built. But of course, because it was previously made, it'll be done in no time. Quite literally, in fact.

*To cut down on costs, air will not be sent along with the airport.


Also quite astounding is the fact that someone has ordered something. To celebrate this memorable moment, a box of cake and cookies will be sent, half of which is not a lie.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Construction of a Small Airport Finished

After minimal effort, our engineers have constructed your small airport. The estimated overrall cost of the entire project is estimated to be worth $45 million*. The money should be wired immediately or something will happen. And yes, many of us at SPAAC are also completely flabbergasted that something has been finished. If only I could transfer this relatively-lightning fast service to the seemingly inept government. Much money may be made. Cities, civilizations, and cheese to conquer and create!

*Please note that details are unimportant; it is the thought that counts.

[United Gordonopia]

I respectfully request that your fine corporation manufacture for me a more elegant way of Bringing Up My Posts. Post haste.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Sold This

Bump!

*

*

[Spartan Philidelphia]

You're owing money to some company,
"The cash is due," they decree.
How do you comply?

Rapidly...
Rapidly...
Rapid...

L - Y

[Great Valencia]

I would like 5000000000000x XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL condoms, please.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

Sold 5000000000000x XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL condoms

We're not sure how a person would use these things, but oh well.

Assuming that X = the average size of a , this would be approximately 81 times larger than . It is 96.8% effective at preventing various things... Although we do not recommend using it as the statistics are assuming these will fit. It'll feel like there's nothing there!*

Will feel as if there's a whole lot there, though this may not be a bad thing, although both the and the are very sensitive. Discomfort, breaking, puncturing, rashes, and death. are possible side-effects. Please do not use condoms while .

[The Corparation]

We desire the purchase of the Canton with CERN From a mountinous neutral country in the middle of eruope.

[Great Valencia]

Sold 5000000000000x XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL condoms

We're not sure how a person would use these things, but oh well.

Assuming that X = the average size of a , this would be approximately 81 times larger than . It is 96.8% effective at preventing various things... Although we do not recommend using it as the statistics are assuming these will fit. It'll feel like there's nothing there!*

Will feel as if there's a whole lot there, though this may not be a bad thing, although both the and the are very sensitive. Discomfort, breaking, puncturing, rashes, and death. are possible side-effects. Please do not use condoms while .

I request double size of these, they do not fix.

I demand either a refund or a larger size!

[Spartan Philidelphia]

We desire the purchase of the Canton with CERN From a mountinous neutral country in the middle of eruope.

Sold That Thing

Although by your description, it implies that it is in the center of Europe. I'd say it's quite western; however, I will not act stupid by acting as though I cannot read English, no matter how many grammar mistakes there may be.

Sold 5,000,000,000,000x XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL condoms

We're not sure how a person would use these things, but oh well.

Assuming that X = the average size of a , this would be approximately 81 times larger than . It is 96.8% effective at preventing various things... Although we do not recommend using it as the statistics are assuming these will fit. It'll feel like there's nothing there!*

Will feel as if there's a whole lot there, though this may not be a bad thing, although both the and the are very sensitive. Discomfort, breaking, puncturing, rashes, and death. are possible side-effects. Please do not use condoms while .

I request double size of these, they do not fix.

I demand either a refund or a larger size!

Refund? You have not even sent us the money to refund you yet! But I digress.

Replaced 5,000,000,000,000 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL condoms
with
5,000,000,000,000 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL condoms.

These condoms are fit for a very large . Very large. (162 times larger than the average , in fact.) I will not take the time to find out the size of an average . If these somehow all fit perfectly, let's hope the receiver can handle what's coming. That is all, sir, madam, or sirmadam, or perhaps not a sir or madam at all.

And is with all these censors? Why can't I say what I want, . you ! But don't worry, I'll find a way around these . Just as many of my customers attempt to find ways around the restrictions that have been imposed on them. SENIP SENIP ANIGAV ANIGAV .

[Great Valencia]

It STILL did not fit. I demand a bigger size!

[Orlkjestad]

We, te Governmet du Orlkjeståd, rezest ün:

-Bëlgiün
-Te Cooler Rêd
-Te Diirectiaan Nøœrth
-Mœtheerföccin' Snæks

Tank yöu.

We, the government of Orlkjestad, requests one:

-Belgium
-The Color Red
-The Direction North
-Motherfuckin' Snakes

Thank you.

[The Corparation]

We desire the purchase of the Canton with CERN From a mountinous neutral country in the middle of eruope.

Sold That Thing

Although by your description, it implies that it is in the center of Europe. I'd say it's quite western; however, I will not act stupid by acting as though I cannot read English, no matter how many grammar mistakes there may be.

Payment will be shipped entirely in Higgs boson particles.

[Spartan Philidelphia]

It STILL did not fit. I demand a bigger size!

Sir, we demand to know your size. We're guessing it's a size 324, yet this corporation will not stand until your tell us your proper size. Like buying shoes or bras (or during this Christmas season, brass hoes), it is important be aware of this for MAXIMUM COMFORT!

(Or M.C. for short.) You see, this M.C. factor is perhaps one of the finest scale of measurement in (post?)modern society. It measures the amount of MAXIMUM COMFORT! humans have in various parts of the body. These areas include commonly mistreated parts of the body such as feet, legs, _____, and endoplasmic reticulums. So please, call your doctor(s) right away about MAXIMUM COMFORTLESS! right away before it devolves into MAXIMUMLESS COMFORTLESS! in which the normal barrier, or wall as many call it, for MAXIMUM COMFORTLESS! is completely shattered causing the body's MAXIMUM COMFORTLESS! levels to increase to a point where there is no trace of MAXIMUM COMFORT! left!

With the proper treatment, of course, this can all be avoided. Though most people tend to vary between levels of MAXIMUM COMFORT! and MAXIMUM COMFORTLESS!, multiple studies by scientists with respectful income have concluded that it is possible to train the physical parts of our bodies to achieve a state of MAXIMUMFUL COMFORTFUL! where quite the opposite of MAXIMUMLESS COMFORTLESS! occurs and the upper limit of MAXIMUM COMFORT! is dissolved in a bright epiphany full of MAXIMUM COMFORT! and there is much MAXIMUM COMFORT! MAXIMUM COMFORT! MAXIMUM COMFORT! MAXIMUM COMFORT! MAXIMUM BUY STUFF COMFORT! MAXIMUM COMFORT! MAXIMUM COMFORT! MAXIMUM COMFORT! YES! WOO! Weren't we talking about condom sizes? Yes, we were. Please tell us what they are. FOR MORE COMFORT!

We, te Governmet du Orlkjeståd, rezest ün:

-Bëlgiün
-Te Cooler Rêd
-Te Diirectiaan Nøœrth
-Mœtheerföccin' Snæks

Tank yöu.

We, the government of Orlkjestad, requests one:

-Belgium
-The Color Red
-The Direction North
-Motherfuckin' Snakes

Thank you.

Sils Biwljim Sils Baljum

Wot ahareibale wourdt oosaiy.

Solsc Ahler Red

Ap aierantdealy, theisis dekalor red.

Sold the Direction North

I wonder how compasses would work after the magnetic poles switch. Would the human race suddenly change all things referencing north to south? Would Santa sleep soundly at the south side? Should he?

MuterFUCKING Snaikes.

Foonily 'nuffs, dhey were on a plane. How clever of me.

I tried doing the same with what I imagined to be the Spartan Philidelphian dialect, but I got lazy toward on the fourth one. In fact, you may say I was lazy throughout. The third one was supposed to be that way, though.

Sold That Thing

Although by your description, it implies that it is in the center of Europe. I'd say it's quite western; however, I will not act stupid by acting as though I cannot read English, no matter how many grammar mistakes there may be.

Payment will be shipped entirely in Higgs boson particles.

There had better be a ton of them! Ever since they figured out how to make them, these things have been cheaper than a quark in a wine bottle. And there are a lot of them. Plus, I am getting too lazy. I spent all my energy on MAXIMUM COMFORT!

[New Korongo]

This is New Korongo, we want two tunnels, one connecting Linkwater and Korongo City and the other going along the other black line.

[Great Valencia]

I would like a size that is 5x bigger than the Russian empire at it's height. This should be a tight fit, but it will offer protection from all of the diseases I could be getting. Thank you.