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Submitted : Draft 8: A Beautiful Problem

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Sunhizria
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Submitted : Draft 8: A Beautiful Problem

Postby Sunhizria » Mon Mar 29, 2021 9:10 am

[TITLE] A Beautiful Problem
The recent rapid expansion in range by Jewel Hummingbird Moths into a @@NAME@@ and across the country's agcircultural districts has become a source of conflict between farmers and insect lovers. This species is widely recognized as one of the world's most beautiful insects, but is also known to be a devastating pest for several food crops.

[VALIDITY]Nation has a reasonably beautiful environment

[OPTION] You are addressed by a man who has been standing outside your offices, dressed in an entirely red version of farmers' typical working clothes, handing out tomatoes to your staff and to passers by. "@@LEADER@@, you must understand the importance of the tomato harvest for @@NAME@@: Everyone loves tomatoes, despite arguing sometimes about whether those are vegetables or fruit and they are used not just as an essential ingredient in pizza but in so many other traditional recipes. Jewel Hummingbird Moths might be beautiful, but they are destroying our culture as well as farmers' livelihoods and you must order vigorous action to suppress them!"
[VALIDITY]unlimited
[EFFECT]colourful small birds are endangered by the war against hummingbird moths

[OPTION]"No!" exclaims a camera-wielding girl from the adjacent public gardens. "You can't do that! They're so wonderful... You must protect this moth and its relatives so that everybody, including visitors from lands where these do not live in the wild, can enjoy their beauty." She stops talking, and avidly begins taking photos, as several fine examples of the insect in question settle on a plant just in front of her.

[VALIDITY]unlimited
[EFFECT]both Hummingbird Moth populations and levels of food imports are soaring

[OPTION] "Both of these people make good points we can't let these moths ruin the fruit & veg harvests, but it would be shameful waste too just to eradicate them"" comments your aide @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Halfglass. "I propose that we encourage our farmers to grow their vulnerable crops inside glass domes where they'll be safe, and please our bug-lovers by having extra plants grown outside those just to feed the moth population. It's a win-win situation. Okay, so we might have to help our farmers, because domes will cost a bit and they'll still be giving up some of their land to provide those food-plants for the moths as well, but we have the money... Right ?"
[VALIDITY]unlimited
[EFFECT]glass industry profits are shattering records

Draft 1
[VALIDITY]
nation has good environment

[CHOICE 1]
"We lost billion of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@." Claim @@RANDOMNAME@@, a farmer leading the group that occupy your office. "We can't survive like this, we can't let our liveshood be eaten by those pests. If you want to us to leave your office alone, then just eradicate this pest already."
[EFFECT 1]
@@NAME@@ new policy on insect is "exterminate them all".

[CHOICE 2]
"We can't do this!" Say your ministry of environment @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@. "Look, I know it sound bad, but we'll just have to find way to attract those beetles away from the farms, theses beetles are extinct in their homeland, so if we decide to eradicate them, we could make them extinct for real this time. The farmers will hate it, but theses beetles must be considered to be local insects right now."
[EFFECT 2]
Species that goes extinct, often revive in @@NAME@@.

[CHOICE 3]
A man wearing a shirt labelled "down with Maxtopia" approach you. "You know what?, I got an idea, I say we pack all those beetles and return them to Maxtopia. I think their government lied about the beetles extinction, anyway. Its an easy solution, win for all farmers and all garderner in @@NAME@@, win for the beetles, and DOWN WITH MAXTOPIA."
[EFFECT 3]
The nation diplomats open discussion with apologies.

[CHOICE 4]
After your personal guards has finally managed to push the protestor outside your office, you decided to hear the suggestion of your ministry of defense.
"If I heard correctly, those beetles cause records losses to our farmers, and it will have a serious effect on our economy. If those beetles have that much power, I think it would be a waste to not use them. Why we don't make collect some theirs eggs and use them to weaken our enemies. I think It would be a good idea."
[EFFECT 4]
@@NAME@@, now known as "Beetlesland", is spreading invasive species, around the world.


draft 2
[TITLE] The Phantom Invasion
Today, you learned that @@NAME@@ is being invaded by the maxtopian beetles, a species your ministry of environment has reported as extinct since 5 years. The news has been welcomed by the bug collectors of @@NAME@@, who consider the beetles to be very beautiful, and worthy of their collections, but not by farmers and gardeners who claims the beetles where once one of the leading pests, causing widespread defoliation around the world.

[VALIDITY]
nation has good environment
nation has a revival program, picked option 1 or 3 of issue 33
[CHOICE 1]
"Its a disaster!" Claim @@RANDOMNAME@@, representative of the alliance of @@NAME@@ farmers. "When it was active, these beetles causes us more so much damage, we still have nightmares 5 years later. Everything was good when these things were extinct, so just exterminate them already. We don't need them, we never needed them at all."
[EFFECT 1]
@@N

[CHOICE 2]
"No, no, no, no, no, no." Interrupt @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, a girl weilding a "Theses beetles are the best, they comes in all colors, red, blue, white, gray, brown, green, pink, purple, black, purple, orange, yellow, and they are all extremely beautiful. my collection would never be complete without them. You can't exterminate these beauties. i suggest you just use some plant to attract away from farms and we will all be happy."
[EFFECT 2]
@@NAME@@ is a prime bug collector destination.


[CHOICE 3 Validity : issues 33, option 1
Your minister of internal affairs approach you. "You know, I've been thinking, why are these beetles still alive, we reported them as extinct 5 years ago. Maybe your revival specie made a mistake, and accidentally revived an invasive species. If you ask me, this was bound to happen the moment we started playing with nature like that. We got scrap that program."
[EFFECT 3]
Genetic research funding has been stripped off


Draft 3
[TITLE] Curse or treasure ?
Recently. your learned that @@NAME@@ is being invaded by the maxtopian beetles, a species of beetles that was though to be extinct 20 years ago. Thanks to a special by @@NAME@@ News, you learned that beetles were once considered to be the most beautiful insect in the world, as well as on of the worst crop pest at the same time. Meanwhile, Your minister of environment explain that the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ revival program could be responsible for that event.

[VALIDITY]
nation has good environment
nation has a revival program, picked option 1 or 3 of issue 33
[CHOICE 1]
A group of farmer attempt to prevent from reaching your office, but your security move them aside. As they get pushed away, one of the farmers criticize you. "It's all your fault. Because you decided to revive extinct species, you brought back one of the most terrible pest from the abyss. Our crops are going to suffer, we're going to lose billions, we might even suffer a famine. Your revival program is disaster !
[EFFECT 1]
@@NAME@@ genetic research wings are extremely quiet.

[CHOICE 2]
As you enter your office, you find a weird girl, searching for something in your plants. "Ho sorry, to invade without permission so suddenly, but i am on an epic quest, the quest for the extremely rare golden maxtopian beetles and who know where this cuties might hide, it could be anywhere, and I shall find it."
[EFFECT 2]
@@NAME@@ is a prime bug collector destination.


[CHOICE 3]
Your minister of environment approach you. "Obviously we can let the beetles eat our crops, but we can't exterminate them, they are @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ species now, they don't have another home. So, I just suggest we find way to protect our crops from beetles by moving all our agricultural operations in containers.
[EFFECT 3]
@@NAME@@ Gardening coalition spend their weekend burning picture of @@LEADER@@



Draft 4
[TITLE] Blessing or curse ?
Recently. you have learned that @@NAME@@ is being invaded by the Maxtopian beetles, a species, you ministry of environment has reported to be extinct, since 20 years. As your government is trying to figure out how this invasion was possible, multiple gardeners have gathered in front of your office, urging you to take actions.

[VALIDITY]
nation has good environment
Nation does not have no immigration policy

[CHOICE 1]
"You must stop this !" Cry @@RANDOMNAME1@@, one of the gardener. "Gardening is an important hobby of @@DENONYM@@, do you even know how many plants we sell and cultivate each years. We're an important industry, and those beetles threaten us. We must eradicate them. No one is going to cultival plants, just to see them eaten by insects."
[EFFECT 1]
If it has 6 legs, it must be shot

[CHOICE 2]
When you enter your office, you find a weird girl, searching in your plants. "Yo. I'm the best beetles hunter ever, and I've come all the way from my nameless island in the Maxtopian Sea to find the elusive gold silver orange beetle, the rarest maxtopian beetles and the most beautiful one. As soon as I heard the beetles where in here, in @@NAME@@, I came running, I'm going to find this cuties, create the cutest collection ever. You don't really want stop us, right ? "
[EFFECT 2]
@@NAME@@ is known as Beetles ground by the other countries

[CHOICE 3]
Just as you enter the washroom to wash your face, in preparation for a meeting with your ministers. You stumble a weird guy, who seem to be drinking a weird green-colored liquid. "There is no problem man, you got to take it cool. You know, we can just eat the beetles, you know, its tasty. You'll see, once I show the world my beetle pizza, everyone will love me."
[EFFECT 3]
It Is @@NAME@@'s pizza are the weirdest.

[CHOICE 4]
Your minister of environment, @@RANDOMNAME@@ approach you. "This is the proof that we need more funding to understand what happened and why an invasion of beetles right now. Maybe we imported those insects from a neighboring country that still have them. Maybe they were never extinct in the first place. Maybe its a mutatation. Maybe its a new species in fact. Or Maybe, its the maxtopian government. so Just give my department more funds.
[EFFECT 4]
The ministry of environment is its own government.


Draft 5
[TITLE] Treasure or pest?
Recently. you have learned that @@NAME@@ is being invaded by the Maxtopian beetles, a species that was not only recognized as the most beautiful bug of the world and one of the most damaging pests for gardeners but also reported to be extinct for 20 years. As your government is trying to figure out how this invasion was possible, multiple gardeners have gathered in front of your office, urging you to take action.

[VALIDITY]
Nation has a strong environment
Nation does not have no immigration policy

[CHOICE 1]
"You must stop this! It's a damn pest!" Cry @@RANDOMNAME1@@, one of the gardeners. "Gardening is an important hobby of @@DENONYM@@, do you even know how many plants we sell, and how many plants our clients cultivate each year. We're an important industry, we make @@NAME@@ beautiful. Look, no one is going to cultivate plants, just to see them eaten by insects. So, we must eradicate those beetles, they threaten to destroy our economy."
[EFFECT 1]
Gardeners recently became the new pillars of society

[CHOICE 2]
When you enter your office, you find a weird girl, searching in your plants. "Yo. I'm the best beetle hunter ever, and I've come all the way from my nameless island in the Maxtopian Sea to find the elusive gold silver orange beetle, the rarest maxtopian beetles, and the most beautiful one. As soon as I heard the beetles were in here, in @@NAME@@, I came running, I'm going to find these cuties, and I will create the cutest collection ever. You don't really want to stop me, right? Who cares about some plants anyway,"
[EFFECT 2]
@@NAME@@ is known as Beetles ground by the other countries

[CHOICE 3]
Just as you enter the washroom to wash your face, in preparation for a meeting with your ministers. You stumble a weird guy, who seems to be drinking a weird green-colored liquid. "You got to take it cool, man. problems are not real. And do you know these beetles are tasty? We can just eat the beetles, you know. You'll see, once I show the world my perfect beetlizza, everyone will love me."
[EFFECT 3]
@@NAME@@'s pizza has been voted the ugliest in the world.

[CHOICE 4]
Your minister of environment, @@RANDOMNAME@@ approach you. "This is the proof that we need more funding to understand what happened and why an invasion of beetles right now. Maybe we imported those insects from a neighboring country that still has them. Maybe they were never extinct in the first place. Maybe it's a mutation. Maybe it is a new species. Or maybe, it's the maxtopian government. What you must do, is to give our ministry the greenlight, to do whatever we need to do, and who cares if we happen to upset the ministries of finance or defence, environment first.
[EFFECT 4]
The ministry of environment is a separate government



Draft 6
[TITLE] A beautiful Pest
The presence of Jewel Moths, a type of hummingbird moth in @@NAME@@ has brought a conflict between farmers and insect lovers. The Jewel Moth is widely recognized as the most beautiful insect in the world, but is also a devastating pest for countless cultures. And once again, everyone are waiting for your decision.

[VALIDITY]
Nation has a strong environment

[VALIDITY]
[CHOICE 1] In front your office, you find @@RANDOMMALE@@, a weird farmer wearing only red clothes. And handling tomato to your staff. "@@Leader@@, I believe you don't understand how tomatoes affect @@NAME@@, everyone loves tomato even if we still don't know if its a fruit or a vegetable. People used them to make plenty of dish, dessert, they are an essential ingredient for pizza, and our cultures are being destroyed by those things. So please, allow us to do what ever it takes to kill these nuisances.
[EFFECT 1] You cannot have a meal without a tomato.

[VALIDITY]
[CHOICE 2] As you return to your home, you decided to check on your garden, where you find a weird camera welding girl searching in your plants. "I know its here, I saw it, the golden moth, the rarest and most beautiful of all insects. It really suck that I missed my chance, but I shall find it. I can't give up, not after coming all the way from Northen Maxtopia. Maybe if these moths where protected, you guys could appreciate their beauty and their majesty."
[EFFECT 2] Imports and Hummingbird moth populations have recent exploded.

[CHOICE 3] "we don't have to take a choice between destroying all moths or sacrificing our agriculture." Claims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Halfglass. "I believe I got a solution, We can simply give some tree to nature to allow the moths to fly freely, and give greenhouses to our farmers so they can grow their vegetables, and their fruits without interference from the insects. Its a win for everyone, a win for bug collectors and bug lovers, a win for farmers, a win for @@NAME@@ as the moth can easily become a national emblem, its just going to have cost, but I'm sure we can pay for it. We got money, right ?"
[EFFECT 3] Bug-hunters can be seen in the @@ANIMAL@@ park every days.


draft 7
[TITLE] A beautiful Pest
The presence of Jewel Moths, a type of hummingbird moth, in @@NAME@@ has brought a conflict between farmers and insect lovers. The Jewel Moth is widely recognized as the most beautiful insect in the world, but its also known to be a devastating pest for countless food crops.

[VALIDITY]
Nation has a strong environment

[VALIDITY]
[CHOICE 1] In front your office, you find @@RANDOMMALE@@, a weird farmer wearing only red clothes. And handling tomato to your staff. "@@Leader@@, I believe you don't understand how tomatoes affect @@NAME@@, everyone loves tomato even if we still don't know if its a fruit or a vegetable. People used them to make plenty of dish, dessert, they are an essential ingredient for pizza, there just no life without our tomatoes. These things might be beautiful, but they are destroying our cultures and our lives. This is an act of war!
[EFFECT 1] Hummingbird are frequently collateral dammage of the war against moths

[VALIDITY]
[CHOICE 2] As you return to your home, you decided to check on your garden, where you find a weird camera welding girl searching in your plants. "I know its here, I saw it, the golden moth, the rarest and most beautiful of all insects. It really suck that I missed my chance, but I shall find it. I can't give up, not after coming all the way from Northen Maxtopia." Naybe if these moths where protected, you guys could appreciate their beauty and their majesty." Suddenly, as little golden bird show itself, and the excited girl grab her camera. " Look, its here, ah no its an hummingbird, but might as well take pictures." and she proceed to take multiples pictures in your garden.
[EFFECT 2] Imports and Hummingbird moth populations have recent exploded.

[CHOICE 3] "Both these peoples make a good point, we can't let the moth just eats all our food, but we can't just kill them etheir." Claims @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Halfglass. "I propose we simply requires that our farmer grows their crops in dome, that way our crops will not be devored by moth. And we can please our bugs lovers by allowing people to plant some extra trees outside to feed the moth population. So everyone can win. We might have to help our farmers, because domes will cost a fortune, but we have the money. Right ?"
[EFFECT 3] The newest domes are draining the budget.
Last edited by Sunhizria on Thu Jul 15, 2021 10:11 am, edited 22 times in total.
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Mon Mar 29, 2021 9:31 am

Doesn't this issue draft duplicate issue #355 "Alien Invaders" in its subject?
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Mon Mar 29, 2021 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Sunhizria » Mon Mar 29, 2021 9:56 am

Daarwyrth wrote:Doesn't this issue draft duplicate issue #355 "Alien Invaders" in its subject?


Well on the idea that an invasive species is attacking you yes.

on the idea that the Invasive species was extinct... not sure.
But the idea I want to write about, is that a species that was though to be extinct, is causing problems. I had other ideas I could go on. One of them was the species being very beautiful and treasured by collectors.
Last edited by Sunhizria on Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:51 am

Sunhizria wrote:
Daarwyrth wrote:Doesn't this issue draft duplicate issue #355 "Alien Invaders" in its subject?


Well on the idea that an invasive species is attacking you yes.

on the idea that the Invasive species was extinct... not sure.
But the idea I want to write about, is that a species that was though to be extinct, is causing problems. I had other ideas I could go on. One of them was the species being very beautiful and treasured by collectors.

My advice would be to try to work on the latter one (the collectors and beautiful idea), because, from my perspective, the issue draft is too similar to the one I linked earlier.
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Postby Sunhizria » Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:58 am

Daarwyrth wrote:
Sunhizria wrote:
Well on the idea that an invasive species is attacking you yes.

on the idea that the Invasive species was extinct... not sure.
But the idea I want to write about, is that a species that was though to be extinct, is causing problems. I had other ideas I could go on. One of them was the species being very beautiful and treasured by collectors.

My advice would be to try to work on the latter one (the collectors and beautiful idea), because, from my perspective, the issue draft is too similar to the one I linked earlier.



I think your right.
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Postby Sunhizria » Fri Apr 09, 2021 2:36 pm

ok. new draft, new title

any comment ?
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Postby Electrum » Sat Apr 10, 2021 5:28 pm

Sorry, but I don't think this draft is viable. Issue 33 is about the feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@, not the Maxtopian Beetle being revived. Furthermore, issue 1246 is a follow-up to that issue, and that handles most of the points you already have in this draft.
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Postby Sunhizria » Mon Apr 12, 2021 10:06 am

Well. new draft.

Electrum wrote:Sorry, but I don't think this draft is viable. Issue 33 is about the feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@, not the Maxtopian Beetle being revived. Furthermore, issue 1246 is a follow-up to that issue, and that handles most of the points you already have in this draft.


thanks for the comment, I removed that point.
Last edited by Sunhizria on Mon Apr 12, 2021 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Sunhizria » Sun Apr 25, 2021 12:18 pm

bump.


I made some corrections on that draft.
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Postby Sunhizria » Sun Jun 27, 2021 8:58 pm

Bump

Well. I made a new draft. Changes Beetles to Hummingbird moth, after learning about this species.
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Postby Jutsa » Sun Jun 27, 2021 9:19 pm

Hmm. Wellh, I'll set aside the broken grammar for now - that's always editable. :)

So I do like the premise - keeping a beautiful and magnificent species alive and well, at the cost of agriculture. I was going to say, there's a semi-related phenomenon in Australia involving killing cats to preserve the local ecosystem or something, but I won't get too into that; simply put, I like the issue. :)

In execution... well. It's a good start. Just needs a little work is all. :P

but is also a devastating pest for countless cultures. And once again, everyone are waiting for your decision.

Welp, slash the last sentence, firstly. Secondly, "countless cultures". Maybe it'd be more clear if you said "countless food crops" or something along those lines?

I'll also say that you could, theoretically state that these moths are endangered, or maybe a keystone species. That wouldn't need to be a factor, but I think it could give the decision to keep the moths a bit more weight than it currently has (which is "despite killing our food supply, they're pretty~", basically.)

"@@Leader@@, I believe you don't understand how tomatoes affect @@NAME@@, everyone loves tomato even if we still don't know if its a fruit or a vegetable. People used them to make plenty of dish, dessert, they are an essential ingredient for pizza, and our cultures are being destroyed by those things. So please, allow us to do what ever it takes to kill these nuisances.


Uhm. :P

So it's quirky and kinda funny, yes. But uh. I don't know? I kind of appreciate that this guy just rambles on about tomatoes, but at the same time, it feels like he's kind of missing the point? Right now the issue flows as this:
Issue: Beloved moths have been destructive to cultures (food crops)
Option 1: Tomatoes are good. [.........................] Kill the nuisances

Hopefully you see the issue here? :lol:
It's heavy on the character, but it's mostly pointless rambling that has no contribution to the option other than building character. It's not even the most amusing. It's alright, but it's just sort-of... out-of-place. I'd say shorten this as well as try to make it a little bit more cohesive with the rest of the issue, personally.

Option 2's actually pretty good. I wouldn't really change this much, personally. :)

Option 3. Hmm. I mean. It's an extreme option, I suppose. It seems like an extremely disoriented way of saying "Make farmers grow food in domes", so some cleaning up at least would be ideal. But I also feel like you could've done something different with the option, like, I don't know... using GMO, trying to DNA-edit the moths, etc. I'm not saying you'd have to, but it feels simultaneously more practical and more controversial (protecting nature AND the crops by editing [one of them]). :lol:

So, TL;DR:
1) Small tweaks and considerations for the premise (not necessary, but would seem more balanced)
2) Option 1's on some kind of tangent. (sadly, this feels very much like something I would do irl. I hate when I do that.)
3) Option 3 is very disorganized, and I'd suggest considering an alternative for it (although what you have would suffice if you don't care for my suggestion).

Take/leave what you wish to; it's your draft. Good luck to you. :)

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Postby Sunhizria » Mon Jun 28, 2021 2:06 pm

I appreciate the feedback.
I believe I might need more before I can submit this issue.

but I made some changes. sadly. english is not exactly natural for me.
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jun 28, 2021 4:40 pm

Sunhizria wrote:sadly. english is not exactly natural for me.


Naeh, don't worry about it. Grammar and spelling can always be dusted off. It's the meat of the issue that's important. :)

I fully acknowledge that at least half of my comments used to be grammar nitpicks. My bad.
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(My help was offered to the author & accepted by them, earlier today, in a TG exchange that I started because they had generously gifted me with a relevant & valuable card...)

____________________________________________________

Suggestions for a re-drafted version: Feel free to use any or all of the details...
Some or all of the quotation marks in this draft might need changing into the "correct" type for NS issues.

[TITLE] A Beautiful Problem
The recent rapid expansion in range by Jewel Hummingbird Moths into a @@NAME@@ and across the country's agcircultural districts has become a source of conflict between farmers and insect lovers. This species is widely recognized as one of the world's most beautiful insects, but is also known to be a devastating pest for several food crops.

[VALIDITY]Nation has both a reasonably strong agricultural sector and a reasonably beautiful environment

[OPTION] You are addressed by a man who has been standing outside your offices, dressed in an entirely red version of farmers' typical working clothes, handing out tomatoes to your staff and to passers by. "@@LEADER@@, you must understand the importance of the tomato harvest for @@NAME@@: Everyone loves tomatoes, despite arguing sometimes about whether those are vegetables or fruit and they are used not just as an essential ingredient in pizza but in so many other traditional recipes. Jewel Hummingbird Moths might be beautiful, but they are destroying our culture as well as farmers' livelihoods and you must order vigorous action to suppress them!"
[VALIDITY]unlimited
[EFFECT]colourful small birds are endangered by the war against hummingbird moths

[OPTION]"No!" exclaims a camera-wielding girl from the adjacent public gardens. "You can't do that! They're so wonderful... You must protect this moth and its relatives so that everybody, including visitors from lands where these do not live in the wild, can enjoy their beauty." She stops talking, and avidly begins taking photos, as several fine examples of the insect in question settle on a plant just in front of her.

[VALIDITY]unlimited
[EFFECT]both Hummingbird Moth populations and levels of food imports are soaring

[OPTION] "Both of these people make good points we can't let these moths ruin the fruit & veg harvests, but it would be shameful waste too just to eradicate them"" comments your aide @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Halfglass. "I propose that we encourage our farmers to grow their vulnerable crops inside glass domes where they'll be safe, and please our bug-lovers by having extra plants grown outside those just to feed the moth population. It's a win-win situation. Okay, so we might have to help our farmers, because domes will cost a bit and they'll still be giving up some of their land to provide those food-plants for the moths as well, but we have the money... Right ?"
[VALIDITY]unlimited
[EFFECT]glass industry profits are shattering records


I've replaced "hummingbirds" with "colourful small birds" in the first option's Effect line because of hummingbirds in RL being so specifically a 'New World' thing.
I've dropped the bit about the speaker in the second option having travelled a long way: Originally I replaced the "from northern Maxtopia" reference with "halfway across the country", to avoid potential clashes with national restrictions on foreign travel & travellers, but then it occurred to me that the moths' reported expansion in range made that journey seem fairly pointless... and the editors do tend to prefer relatively short paragraphs, anyway. EDIT: She now raises the possibility of attracting other people as eco-tourists from afar, instead.
Last edited by Bears Armed on Wed Jun 30, 2021 11:58 am, edited 4 times in total.
The Confrederated Clans (and other Confrederated Bodys) of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Population = just under 20 million. Economy = only Thriving. Average Life expectancy = c.60 years. If the nation is classified as 'Anarchy' there still is a [strictly limited] national government... and those aren't "biker gangs", they're traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies', generally respected rather than feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
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Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152, 1474, 1521.

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Wille-Harlia
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Wille-Harlia » Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:48 am

Not sure about this, but wouldn’t @@LEADER@@ being made to check on his garden in Option 2 violate player autonomy? Maybe make it so that @@LEADER@@ hears the speaker outside or something?
Posts are OOC unless marked otherwise.
My posts are not the views of any NS region, organization, or other group unless marked as such.
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Sunhizria
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Sunhizria » Thu Jul 01, 2021 10:31 pm

Wille-Harlia wrote:Not sure about this, but wouldn’t @@LEADER@@ being made to check on his garden in Option 2 violate player autonomy? Maybe make it so that @@LEADER@@ hears the speaker outside or something?



I think the change proposed by Bears Armed address that point.
but duly noted.
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Current draft :
Draft 1: A beautiful pest viewtopic.php?f=13&t=501670

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Bears Armed
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Founded: Jun 01, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Fri Jul 02, 2021 9:40 am

Sunhizria wrote:
Wille-Harlia wrote:Not sure about this, but wouldn’t @@LEADER@@ being made to check on his garden in Option 2 violate player autonomy? Maybe make it so that @@LEADER@@ hears the speaker outside or something?



I think the change proposed by Bears Armed address that point.
but duly noted.

If you are accepting my redraft, competeely or at least largely, then maybeso copy it into the opening post as 'draft 7'?
The Confrederated Clans (and other Confrederated Bodys) of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Population = just under 20 million. Economy = only Thriving. Average Life expectancy = c.60 years. If the nation is classified as 'Anarchy' there still is a [strictly limited] national government... and those aren't "biker gangs", they're traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies', generally respected rather than feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152, 1474, 1521.

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Bears Armed
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Posts: 21475
Founded: Jun 01, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Bears Armed » Fri Jul 02, 2021 9:42 am

Sunhizria wrote:
Wille-Harlia wrote:Not sure about this, but wouldn’t @@LEADER@@ being made to check on his garden in Option 2 violate player autonomy? Maybe make it so that @@LEADER@@ hears the speaker outside or something?



I think the change proposed by Bears Armed address that point.
but duly noted.

If you are accepting my redraft, completely or at least largely, then maybeso you could copy it into the opening post -- with any changes that you feel like making -- as 'draft 7'?
The Confrederated Clans (and other Confrederated Bodys) of the Free Bears of Bears Armed
(includes The Ursine NorthLands) Demonym = Bear[s]; adjective = ‘Urrsish’.
Population = just under 20 million. Economy = only Thriving. Average Life expectancy = c.60 years. If the nation is classified as 'Anarchy' there still is a [strictly limited] national government... and those aren't "biker gangs", they're traditional cross-Clan 'Warrior Societies', generally respected rather than feared.
Author of some GA Resolutions, via Bears Armed Mission; subject of an SC resolution.
Factbook. We have more than 70 MAPS. Visitors' Guide.
The IDU's WA Drafting Room is open to help you.
Author of issues #429, 712, 729, 934, 1120, 1152, 1474, 1521.

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Sunhizria
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Founded: May 21, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Sunhizria » Sat Jul 03, 2021 11:10 am

Who said I did not accept

I was doing a pull event yesterday and other cards thing. so I did not had time to update draft

I really can't find a problem with your draft, honestly. I accept it.
Last edited by Sunhizria on Sat Jul 03, 2021 11:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Main activity: got issues.

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Draft 1: A beautiful pest viewtopic.php?f=13&t=501670

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Sunhizria
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Founded: May 21, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Sunhizria » Sun Jul 11, 2021 4:58 pm

any other feedback, or suggestion ??

Honestly. I don't see many problems. so I guess I'm moving this to last call, then I submit it, if no one has comment on it.

edit : since no one commented, I take it, its time to submit.
Last edited by Sunhizria on Thu Jul 15, 2021 10:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Puppet of Fauzjhia
Main activity: got issues.

Current draft :
Draft 1: A beautiful pest viewtopic.php?f=13&t=501670


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