by Westarctic » Thu Mar 18, 2021 9:54 am
by Tinhampton » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:17 am
by Astrobolt » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:22 am
by The Land Of Wendy » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:25 am
by Westarctic » Thu Mar 18, 2021 11:00 am
Astrobolt wrote:OOC: I would strongly recommend that you unsubmit your draft, so that others can give you feedback. We can't really give feedback on a submitted proposal.
by Denathor » Thu Mar 18, 2021 12:47 pm
Showing after time and time again
hereby passes the BMH bill (Better Mental Health Bill).
Defines... rehab as a center for treatment of a serious problem
(in this case, mental problems)
Regulating and ensuring that rehab centers operate properly and efficiently
Starting early with spotting early symptoms of mental-disorders such as inside of schools, homes, and other places of care by encouraging people to be on the lookout for children or teens showing signs of problems such as depression, BPD, and others.
by Westarctic » Thu Mar 18, 2021 7:42 pm
Denathor wrote:IC: Callahan stumbles into the drafting room and takes a copy of the proposal.
"Well, I’m a bit out of practice on this, but let’s see what I remember."
OOC:Showing after time and time again
Remove the word "after."hereby passes the BMH bill (Better Mental Health Bill).
You have two instances of this phrase, at the end of the preamble and at the end of the operative clauses. While not technically illegal, I’d still recommend deletion.Defines... rehab as a center for treatment of a serious problem
(in this case, mental problems)
First, you should probably use the full term "rehabilitation centers" rather than the shorthand. Second, what is a "mental problem" defined as? You define "mental disorder" later, is that the same thing?Regulating and ensuring that rehab centers operate properly and efficiently
How? And by whom?Starting early with spotting early symptoms of mental-disorders such as inside of schools, homes, and other places of care by encouraging people to be on the lookout for children or teens showing signs of problems such as depression, BPD, and others.
Again, by whom? "People" isn’t specific enough.
I’d strongly recommend pulling this and redrafting it. Speaking as a delegate, there’s no way I’d approve it in this condition.
by Westarctic » Thu Mar 18, 2021 7:45 pm
by Drew Durrnil » Thu Mar 18, 2021 7:47 pm
Rosartemis wrote:DOWN WITH UEPU THOSE DAMNED RAIDERS!
by Tinhampton » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:01 pm
Westarctic wrote:Good Evening Everyone, this one is in its second form. As always, comments are appreciated (and encouraged) and you're getting them from me, Tinhampton. Would especially appreciate thoughts on category & strength.
Thanks, Westarctic
Promotion Of Better Mental Health"Understanding that good mental health of a nation's citizens is key to upholding a fair and prosperous society, and for maintaining the well-being of its citizens.
Showing time and time again that having bad mental health, and leaving it go untreated, can cause problems on both a personal and communal scale.
Recognizing the legitimacy of mental health patients By forcibly rehabilitating them? and their problems,hereby passes the BMH Bill (Better Mental Health Bill)I'd take this out - explaining or using abbreviations that you never use again is a bad idea; taking such abbreviations to be the title of your proposal in the body of your text while the title of your actual proposal is completely different is a Very Bad Idea.
Hereby:
1. Defines mental health as the mental status of a human being Non-human sapient species exist in the WA and quite likely also have mental health, rehabilitation center as a center for treatment of a serious problem (in this case, mental disorders) Do you mean for "rehabilitation centers" to treat all "serious problem[s]" or only "mental disorders?" Never use many words when few words would both be more concise and less confusing, and mental disorder as a condition that arises in a person that causes mental illness What is "mental illness?", which can lead to more serious things (bodily harm, self-hate, suicide Firstly, do you intend for the category of "more serious things" to contain only the acts of "bodily harm, self-hate [and] suicide?" Secondly, there are many mental disorders which do not necessarily lead to these "more serious things;" do you seek to include all "mental illnesses" that "can lead to more serious things" under this definition?).
2. Enacts new changes On what level - the international, the national, the local, or some other governing body? to the way that governments handle people with mental-problems Here and below, you are extremely inconsistent in whether you refer to "mental disorders" or "mental problems," with or without a separating hyphen in lieu of the space, including:
2.1. Regulating and ensuring that rehabilitation centeroperatersoperators run their facilities properly and efficiently by:
2.1.1. Having regular inspections done on rehabilitation centers for maintenance and security reasons And what aspects of a rehab centre will be looked into at these inspections?.
2.1.2 Ensuring that said rehabilitation centers cansuccessfully have rehabilitatedsuccessfully rehabilitate a person with a What is with all of these line breaks everywhere? Is this the new craze among first-time drafters now?
mental disorder in an orderly and timely manner, while also being able to assume responsibility For what, and how? if they
fail to do so, if not an extremely severe case Will "extremely severe case[s]" be detained in "rehabilitation centers" indefinitely as per Article 2.5?.
2.2. Starting early with spotting early symptoms You use the word "early" twice in the first five words of this clause. You are writing a resolution, not a speech, here. of mental-disorders such as inside of schools, homes, and other
places of care "schools, homes and other places of care" are locations, not "mental-disorders" by encouraging parental figures, teachers, guardians, or other people of interest to said child to be on
the lookout for children or teens showing signs of problems Conversely, these are "mental-disorders" and not absolutely "problems" such as depression, BPD, and others.
2.3. Keeping up to date with the latest medical advancements by offering pharmaceutical companies incentives for
providing new and better Better for whom? medicines and treatments for these diseases Requiring whoever's supposed to be doing the enacting at the start of Article 2 to "[keep] up to date with the latest medical advancements" by incentivising "new... medicines and treatments" - that is, "the latest medical advancements" which have thus not yet been made - is paradoxical at best.
2.4. Ensuring that businesses provide mental-health services Such as what? for their employees to help cut down on thearising
suicide rate attributed to work-related issues.
2.5. Requiring noted people with mental disorders to be sent to a psychological rehabilitation center How does this not contradict Article 1d of GA#540 "Supporting People with Disabilities" and why is this being imposed on all "noted people with mental disorders," no matter how mild? for a certain
period of time to ensure that the said citizen gets better It is possible to "[get] better" as such without having to be institutionally rehabilitated, and can therefore go back to contributing to society, their
own family (if applicable), and other important priorities of said citizen."
by Westarctic » Fri Mar 19, 2021 8:28 am
by Ardiveds » Fri Mar 19, 2021 8:44 am
by Westarctic » Fri Mar 19, 2021 8:46 am
Ardiveds wrote:OOC: In order to avoid confusion, I suggest keeping the the latest draft in the original post. Also, if you want to keep older drafts, perhaps spolier then like:draft 1draft 2
I do recommend keeping your latest draft unspoilered so that it's the first thing people see.
by Denathor » Fri Mar 19, 2021 11:31 am
Defines mental health as the mental status of an organism (in this case, a human being)
Having regular inspections done on rehabilitation centers
Requiring noted people with severe mental disorders (such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder) to be sent to a psychological rehabilitation center
by Imperium Anglorum » Sat Mar 20, 2021 1:18 am
Denathor wrote:As noted, a contradiction of GA Resolution #540, specifically article 2d. This makes this draft automatically illegal.
by Daarwyrth » Sat Mar 20, 2021 4:19 am
by Westarctic » Sat Mar 20, 2021 12:43 pm
Daarwyrth wrote:Marie vyn Nysen takes a look at all the non-human beings that walk the halls of the World Assembly, and raises her eyebrows. "Dear Ambassador from Westarctic, I strongly recommend you excise the line 'in this case, a human being' from your proposal. It would be rude to only take human beings into consideration, or somehow elevate them above other species, when we have such a diverse body of sapient beings around us."
by Daarwyrth » Sat Mar 20, 2021 1:04 pm
Westarctic wrote:Daarwyrth wrote:Marie vyn Nysen takes a look at all the non-human beings that walk the halls of the World Assembly, and raises her eyebrows. "Dear Ambassador from Westarctic, I strongly recommend you excise the line 'in this case, a human being' from your proposal. It would be rude to only take human beings into consideration, or somehow elevate them above other species, when we have such a diverse body of sapient beings around us."
I'll pass. This was really only intended towards humans. Not animals. Besides, this isn't a role-play board.
by Westarctic » Sat Mar 20, 2021 1:45 pm
by Daarwyrth » Sat Mar 20, 2021 2:45 pm
Westarctic wrote:Alright, I'll change it. But roleplay is pretty weird to me, if I'm being honest, and I'd hope you'd respect that by not doing that on my thread. Thanks
by Greater Cesnica » Sat Mar 20, 2021 4:20 pm
Westarctic wrote:Alright, I'll change it. But roleplay is pretty weird to me, if I'm being honest, and I'd hope you'd respect that by not doing that on my thread. Thanks
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by Araraukar » Sat Mar 20, 2021 6:14 pm
Westarctic wrote:Alright, I'll change it. But roleplay is pretty weird to me, if I'm being honest, and I'd hope you'd respect that by not doing that on my thread. Thanks
Apologies for absences, non-COVID health issues leave me with very little energy at times.Giovenith wrote:And sorry hun, if you were looking for a forum site where nobody argued, you've come to wrong one.
by Westarctic » Sat Mar 20, 2021 6:27 pm
Araraukar wrote:Westarctic wrote:Alright, I'll change it. But roleplay is pretty weird to me, if I'm being honest, and I'd hope you'd respect that by not doing that on my thread. Thanks
OOC: You've come into ENTIRELY wrong forum, then, as the GA forum is an in-character forum. Mark your posts with "OOC" if you're not roleplaying, as otherwise people will assume you're an in-character representative talking for your imaginary nation.
by Bananaistan » Sun Mar 21, 2021 1:56 am
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