[DRAFT] Commend The Atlae Isles

[Zukchiva]

Hello!

This is my first SC draft. ^-^ It's been in the works since a few months ago, only got around to finishing it now. Thanks to Libertanny for helping me write this- a gigantic help and the proposal looks much neater as a result. Also thanks to Cretox + Wallenberg, who helped clarify what could belong and what couldn't belong in such a resolution- their help was given back when we first started on this venture.

Feedback appreciated!

The Security Council,

Recognizing the work the Atlae Isles as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, where it:

• Revived the Army and created activity, that has not been seen since 2014, via various forms of activity and engagement;
• Led over 30 operations in six months after becoming Overseeing Officer;
• Engaged the Army in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as The South Pacific, the North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Actively trained newcomers to become officers and future Overseeing Officers.

Lauding the Atlae Isles’ service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet ([region]South Pacific/region] Liberation Forces) where by recruiting a total of 51 Residents from The East Pacific, keeping liberation infrastructure organized, and assisting in liberators’ military maneuvers, it heavily contributed to the Liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

Applauding the Atlae Isles monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization, where it assisted in founding the Association and helped write its charter, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in the ways of artwork curation, and ultimately played an influential role in forming The East Pacific’s artwork community.

Speaking highly of the nation’s work in curating regional artworks of The East Pacific’s nations into two separately maintained galleries (with one being hosted in the puppet state of S2 TEP Collector), these galleries allowing East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

Noticing the nominee’s contributions to The East Pacific as:

• Chief Officer of Justice, where it brought up multiple legal questions to the Conclave for legal clarifications, attempted to bring suspected nations to justice, and otherwise diligently labored to improve and address ambiguity within the region’s laws when at all possible;
• Mentor to present and past Editors of the Eastern Pacific News Service as well as journalist, where it has created high quality articles, helped develop EPNS, and assisted fresh Editors in their tasks;
• Magister for over 2 years, where it tirelessly debated Eastern Pacific law and constantly questioned executive officials and nominees to hold the government accountable, as well as facilitating debate and faithfully maintaining records for future reference as Provost;
• Senior Diplomat of Foreign Affairs, where it pioneered a new structure for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, advised Delegate Libertanny on numerous foreign affairs matters, and ultimately played an instrumental role in forming The East Pacific’s treaty with Thaecia;
• Other various and numerous positions and duties within the East Pacifc’s government, with an intent to revive and rebuild the government after the infamous October 2019 coup.

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations and explained to them The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these mentored nations (such as Catiania, Libertanny, Virgolia, and Eastern Alksearia) having become regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance.

Praising the Atlae Isles initiative in assigning pertinent and relevant missions for national governments across the globe to undertake, including:

• Mission #752 (nicknamed “The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick”), in which national leaders are obligated to consider the ethical implications of using the cells from a dead citizen to create a medical treatment for cancer;
• Mission #816 (nicknamed “A Hot Topic”), where national leaders are ordered to deliberate on the benefits of using controlled fires to prevent larger fires from becoming widespread;
• Mission #967 (nicknamed “Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”), a perilous mission that tasks leaders with fiercely combating misinformation after pizza is labelled as a healthy food in an obscure scientific journal.

Believing that the Atlae Isles, through its dedicated work within the East Pacific and abroad, is an exemplary nation that personifies hard work and resilience.

Hereby commends the Atlae Isles.

Co-authored with: Libertanny

The Security Council,

Recognizing the work The Atlae Isles as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, where the nation:

• Revived the Army and spurred activity via various forms of engagement;
• Led over 30 operations in six months;
• Engaged the Army in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as the South Pacific, The North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Actively trained newcomers to become future leaders and officers in the Army.

Lauding The Atlae Isles’ service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet (South Pacific liberation forces) in 2020 where by recruiting a total of 51 residents from The East Pacific, keeping liberation infrastructure organized, and assisting in liberators’ military maneuvers, it heavily contributed to the Liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

Applauding The Atlae Isles’s monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization (The Eastern Association of Pacifican Ornamental Traders) where the nominee assisted in founding the Association and helped write its charter, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in the ways of artwork curation, and ultimately played an influential role in forming The East Pacific’s artwork community.

Admiring the nation’s work in curating regional artworks of The East Pacific’s nations into two separately maintained galleries, maintained in the nominee’s puppet states of S1 TEP Collector and S2 TEP Collector. These galleries have allowed East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

Noticing the nominee’s contributions to The East Pacific as:

• Chief Officer of Justice, where it brought up multiple legal questions to the Conclave for legal clarifications, attempted to bring suspected nations to justice, and otherwise diligently labored to improve and address ambiguity within the region’s laws when at all possible;
• Journalist, where the nominee created high quality articles, aided in developing the Eastern Pacific News Service, mentored past and present Editors of the EPNS, and assisted new Editors in their tasks;
• Magister for over 2 years, where it tirelessly debated Eastern Pacific law and constantly questioned executive officials and nominees to hold the government accountable, as well as facilitating debate and faithfully maintaining records for future reference as Provost;
• Senior Diplomat of Foreign Affairs, where it pioneered a new structure for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, advised Delegate Libertanny on numerous foreign affairs matters, and ultimately played an instrumental role in forming The East Pacific’s treaty with Thaecia;
• Other various and numerous positions and duties within the East Pacific’s government, with an intent to revive and rebuild the government after the infamous October 2019 coup.

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations to The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these nations (such as Catiania, Libertanny, Virgolia, and Eastern Alksearia) becoming regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance.

Praising The Atlae Isles’s initiative in assigning pertinent and relevant missions for national governments across the globe to undertake, including:

• Mission #752 (nicknamed “The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick”), in which national leaders are obligated to consider the ethical implications of using the cells from a dead citizen to create a medical treatment for cancer;
• Mission #816 (nicknamed “A Hot Topic”), where national leaders are ordered to deliberate on the benefits of using controlled fires to prevent larger fires from becoming widespread;
• Mission #967 (nicknamed “Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”), a perilous mission that tasks leaders with fiercely combating misinformation after pizza is labelled as a healthy food in an obscure scientific journal.

Believing that The Atlae Isles, through their contributions to The East Pacific and the assistance they've provided to foreign nations and regions, is an exemplary nation that personifies hard work and resilience.

Hereby commends The Atlae Isles.

Co-authored with: Libertanny

The Security Council,

Recognizing that The Atlae Isles (or Atlae) is a diligent, hard-working, and determined nation which has performed admirable deeds in the past few years.

Admiring the work of Atlae as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, where the nation:

• Revived the Army and spurred activity to levels the Army had not witnessed since 2014.
• Engaged the Army in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as the South Pacific, The North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Actively trained newcomers to become future leaders and officers in the Army.

Lauding Atlae’s service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet (South Pacific liberation forces) in 2020, where it recruited a total of 51 residents from The East Pacific, kept liberation infrastructure organized, and assisted in timing military movement, and thus heavily contributed to the liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

Applauding Atlae’s monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization (The Eastern Association of Pacifican Ornamental Traders) where the nominee assisted in founding the Association and helped write its charter, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in the ways of artwork curation, and ultimately played an influential role in forming The East Pacific’s artwork community.

Appreciating the nation’s work in curating the portraitures of nations in The East Pacific into two separately maintained galleries, hosted in the nominee’s puppet states of S1 TEP Collector and S2 TEP Collector. These galleries have allowed East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

Noticing the nominee’s contributions to The East Pacific as:

• Chief Officer of Justice, where it brought up multiple legal questions to the Conclave for legal clarifications, brought suspected nations to trial before the regional court, and otherwise diligently labored to improve and address ambiguity within the region’s laws when at all possible;
• Deputy Minister of Information, where the nominee created high quality articles, aided in developing the Eastern Pacific News Service, mentored past and present Editors of the EPNS, and assisted new Editors in their tasks;
• Magister for over 2 years, where it tirelessly debated Eastern Pacific law and constantly questioned executive officials and nominees to hold the government accountable, as well as facilitating debate and faithfully maintaining records for future reference as Provost;
• Senior Diplomat of Foreign Affairs, where it advised Delegate Libertanny on how to navigate numerous foreign affairs crises, oversaw the work of Eastern Pacifican ambassadors, and overall labored to improve The East Pacific’s relations with foreign regions.

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations to The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these nations (such as Catiania, Libertanny, Virgolia, and Eastern Alksearia) becoming regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance.

Praising Atlae’s initiative in revealing pertinent and relevant issues for national governments across the globe to deliberate upon, including:

• Issue #752 (nicknamed “The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick”), in which national leaders are called to consider the ethical implications of using the cells from a dead citizen to create a medical treatment for cancer;
• Issue #816 (nicknamed “A Hot Topic”), where national leaders are asked to deliberate on the benefits of using controlled fires to prevent larger fires from becoming widespread;
• Issue #967 (nicknamed “Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”), an issue that asks leaders to consider fiercely combating misinformation after pizza is labelled as a healthy food in an obscure scientific journal.

Believing that Atlae, through their contributions to The East Pacific and the assistance they've provided to foreign nations and regions, is an exemplary nation that personifies hard work and resilience.

Hereby commends The Atlae Isles.

Co-authored with: Libertanny

The Security Council,

Recognizing that The Atlae Isles (or Atlae) is a diligent, hard-working, and determined nation which has performed admirable deeds in the past few years.

Admiring the work of Atlae as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army (EPSA), where the nation:

• Revived the army and spurred activity to levels it had not witnessed since 2014;
• Engaged the EPSA in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as the South Pacific, The North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Actively trained newcomers to become future leaders and officers in the army.

Lauding Atlae’s service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet (South Pacific liberation forces) in 2020, where it recruited dozens of residents from The East Pacific, kept liberation infrastructure organized, assisted in timing military movement, and thus heavily contributed to the liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

Applauding Atlae’s monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization (The Eastern Association of Pacifican Ornamental Traders) where the nominee assisted in founding the Association and helped write its charter, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in the ways of artwork curation, and ultimately played an influential role in forming The East Pacific’s artwork community.

Admiring the nation’s work in curating the portraitures of nations in The East Pacific into two separately maintained galleries, hosted in Atlae's art districts of S1 TEP Collector and S2 TEP Collector. These galleries have allowed East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

Noticing the nominee’s contributions to The East Pacific as:

• Chief Officer of Justice, where it brought up multiple legal questions to the Conclave for legal clarifications, brought suspected nations to trial before the regional court, and otherwise diligently labored to improve and address ambiguity within the region’s laws where at all possible;
• Deputy Minister of Information, where the nominee created high quality articles, aided in developing the Eastern Pacific News Service, mentored past and present Editors of the EPNS, and assisted new Editors in their tasks;
• Magister for over 2 years, where it tirelessly debated Eastern Pacific law and constantly questioned executive officials and nominees to hold the government accountable, as well as facilitating debate and faithfully maintaining records for future reference as Provost;
• Senior Diplomat of Foreign Affairs, where it advised Delegate Libertanny on how to navigate numerous foreign affairs crises, guided and oversaw the work of Eastern Pacifican ambassadors, and overall worked to improve The East Pacific’s relations with foreign regions;

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations to The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these nations (such as Catiania, Libertanny, Virgolia, and Eastern Alksearia) becoming regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance.

Praising Atlae’s initiative in revealing pertinent and relevant issues for national governments across the globe to deliberate upon, including:

• Issue #752 (nicknamed “The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick”), in which national leaders are called to consider the ethical implications of using the cells from a dead citizen to create a medical treatment for cancer;
• Issue #816 (nicknamed “A Hot Topic”), where national leaders are asked to deliberate on the benefits of using controlled fires to prevent larger fires from becoming widespread;
• Issue #967 (nicknamed “Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”), an issue that asks leaders to consider fiercely combating misinformation after pizza is labelled as a healthy food in an obscure scientific journal.

Believing that Atlae, through its contributions to The East Pacific and the assistance it has provided to foreign nations and regions, is an exemplary nation that embodies hard work and resilience.

Hereby commends The Atlae Isles.

Co-authored with: Libertanny

The Security Council,

Recognizing that The Atlae Isles (or Atlae) is a diligent, hard-working, and determined nation which has performed admirable deeds in the past few years.

Praising Atlae’s initiative in revealing pertinent and relevant issues for national governments across the globe to deliberate upon, including:

• Issue #752 (nicknamed “The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick”), in which national leaders are called to consider the ethical implications of using the cells from a dead citizen to create a medical treatment for cancer;
• Issue #816 (nicknamed “A Hot Topic”), where national leaders are asked to deliberate on the benefits of using controlled fires to prevent larger fires from becoming widespread;
• Issue #967 (nicknamed “Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”), an issue that asks leaders to consider fiercely combating misinformation after pizza is labelled as a healthy food in an obscure scientific journal.

Admiring the work of Atlae as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army (EPSA), where the nation:

• Revived the army and restored it to a capable operational capacity it last achieved in 2014;
• Engaged the EPSA in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as the South Pacific, The North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Trained newcomers to become future army officers, where these officers can now conduct their own operations, train underlings, and capably lead the Army- thanks to Atlae’s training.

Lauding Atlae’s service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet (South Pacific liberation forces) in 2020, where it recruited dozens of residents from The East Pacific, kept liberation infrastructure organized, assisted in timing military movement, and thus heavily contributed to the attempted liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

Applauding Atlae’s monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization (The Eastern Association of Pacifican Ornamental Traders) where the nominee assisted in founding the Association, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in artwork collection and management, and ultimately helped The East Pacific to develop a tight-knit artwork community.

Admiring the nation’s work in curating the portraitures of nations in The East Pacific into two separately maintained galleries, hosted in Atlae's art districts of S1 TEP Collector and S2 TEP Collector. These galleries have allowed East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

Noticing the nominee’s contributions to The East Pacific, which further prove the nation’s perseverance and willingness to serve for the greater good of a community, as:

• Chief Officer of Justice, where it brought up multiple legal questions to the Conclave for legal clarifications, brought suspected nations to trial before the regional court, and otherwise diligently labored to improve and address ambiguity within the region’s laws where at all possible;
• Deputy Minister of Information, where the nominee wrote high quality articles for the Eastern Pacific News Service (13% of all EPNS articles since 2019), mentored past and present Editors of the Service (such as Libertanny), and assisted new Editors (such as Tretrid and Eunopiar) in their tasks;
• Magister for over 2 years, where it tirelessly debated Eastern Pacific law and constantly questioned executive officials and nominees to hold the government accountable, as well as facilitating debate and faithfully maintaining records for future reference as Provost;
• Senior Diplomat of Foreign Affairs, where it advised Delegate Libertanny on how to navigate numerous foreign affairs crises, guided and oversaw the work of Eastern Pacifican ambassadors, and overall worked to improve The East Pacific’s relations with foreign regions;

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations to The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these nations becoming regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance. Examples of these nations include Libertanny (former Delegate), Eastern Alksearia (current Senior Diplomat), and Catiania (current EPSA Officer).

Believing that Atlae, through its contributions to The East Pacific and its assistance to foreign nations and regions, is an exemplary nation that embodies hard work and resilience.

Hereby commends The Atlae Isles.

Co-authored with: Libertanny

Draft 6:

The Security Council,

Recognizing that The Atlae Isles (henceforth referred to as Atlae) is a diligent and determined nation which has performed many admirable deeds in the past few years.

Praising Atlae’s initiative in uncovering pertinent and relevant issues for national governments across the globe to deliberate upon, including:

• Issue #752 (nicknamed “The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick”), in which national leaders are called upon to consider the ethical implications of using the cells from a dead citizen to create a medical treatment for cancer;
• Issue #816 (nicknamed “A Hot Topic”), where national leaders are asked to deliberate on the benefits of using controlled fires to prevent larger fires from becoming widespread;
• Issue #967 (nicknamed “Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”), an issue that asks leaders to consider fiercely combating misinformation after pizza is labelled as a healthy food in an obscure scientific journal.

Admiring the work of Atlae as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army (EPSA), where the nation:

• revived the army to the point where it could regularly conduct military operations, an operational capacity the army last achieved in 2014, by leading various military incursions and serving as an example of perseverance;
• Engaged the EPSA in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as the South Pacific, The North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Single-handedly trained a cadre of officers (including Catania and Philevile2) who can now lead the army on their own, thus ensuring the continued survival of the Army- a task many previous Overseeing Officers have struggled with.

Acknowledging that following Atlae’s revival efforts and under the nominee’s command, the EPSA (in cooperation with other militaries) has engaged in various operations to defend natives and regions from raiders, including the liberations of Indonesia Raya and Smol Fur Empire.

Lauding Atlae’s service as a Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet in 2020, where it recruited dozens of residents from The East Pacific, kept liberation infrastructure organized, assisted in timing military movement, and thus heavily contributed to the attempted liberation of South Pacific, one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

Applauding Atlae’s monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization (The Eastern Association of Pacifican Ornamental Traders or TEAPOT) where the nominee assisted in founding the Association, consistently hosted monthly artwork collection events, promoted artwork collection by recruiting new TEAPOT members, supported government agencies with artwork endowments for regional contests and engagement, and ultimately helped The East Pacific to develop a tight-knit artwork community.

Acclaiming the nation’s work in curating the portraitures of nations in The East Pacific into two separately maintained galleries, hosted in Atlae's art districts of S1 TEP Collector and S2 TEP Collector. These galleries have allowed East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

Appreciating Atlae’s substantial role in developing the University of the East Pacific into a substantial learning resource for new and old nations alike from 2017 to 2019, where it;
[*]Helped then Minister of Education Bachtendekuppen plan and execute the creation of a comprehensive lecture-based structure for the University in 2017, which helped increase student engagement with the University and enabled the University to expand its resources,
[*]Developed a curriculum to boost students’ knowledge across multiple subjects- most notably in the art of bringing forth national issues to the attention of world leaders,

Extolling the nominee’s dedication within the East Pacific’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs, where it helped pioneer a new council-like structure for the Ministry as one of its first Senior Diplomats, allowing for more thought-out and considered foreign affairs decisions whilst defining the responsibilities of the role as an overseer of ambassadors and a decision-maker.

Believing that Atlae, through its contributions to The East Pacific and and abroad, is an exemplary nation that embodies resilience.

Hereby commends The Atlae Isles.

Co-authored with Libertanny.

[A Bloodred Moon]

The Security Council,

Recognizing the work the Atlae Isles as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, where it:

• Revived the Army and created activity, that has not been seen since 2014, via various forms of activity and engagement;
• Led over 30 operations in six months after becoming Overseeing Officer;
• Engaged the Army in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as The South Pacific, the North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Actively trained newcomers to become officers and future Overseeing Officers.

The first could use some rewording and has a weird comma behind "activity". In addition, it is unclear to me what "it" refers to - Atlae or EPSA. Also, please be consistent in capitalising "The" or not. Lastly, the "future Overseeing Officers" could use some clarification.

Lauding the Atlae Isles’ service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet ([region]South Pacific/region] Liberation Forces) where by recruiting a total of 51 Residents from The East Pacific, keeping liberation infrastructure organized, and assisting in liberators’ military maneuvers, it heavily contributed to the Liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

Broken region tag, and I wouldn't say that most people recognise what it refers to. The spectacular failure of the whole operation seems to be left out (which, to be fair, I wouldn't want to trumpet loudly either) but I'm having a hard time realising what "assisting in liberators' military maneuvers" even refers to.

Applauding the Atlae Isles monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization, where it assisted in founding the Association and helped write its charter, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in the ways of artwork curation, and ultimately played an influential role in forming The East Pacific’s artwork community.

What is "the Association"?

Speaking highly of the nation’s work in curating regional artworks of The East Pacific’s nations into two separately maintained galleries (with one being hosted in the puppet state of S2 TEP Collector), these galleries allowing East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

I feel like the last sentence could use a rewrite in grammar/wording.

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations and explained to them introduced them to The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these mentored nations (such as Catiania, Libertanny, Virgolia, and Eastern Alksearia) having become becoming regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance.

A few wording suggestions.

Not a bad draft from what I can see, though I must admit I am not wholly convinced they're necessarily commendable. Good luck with this nonetheless.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

You don't know what a relief it is to come across a potential SC author who has done their research, asked advice of experienced authors and put together a decent draft. After some of the crap that's been published or talked about in this forum the last few days this is like a drop of rain in the desert.

First impressions are favourable - I'll need to go through it in more detail later, but this looks a tidy effort.

Edit: actually this is the second good first draft in the last few days, Commend Marrabuk being the other.

[Crowheim]

I like it. Jo laid out most of the stuff I would have said, and did say a little bit to you via Discord.

Really good first draft, as BBD said, glad to see you doing your research.

[Libertanny]

Also, please be consistent in capitalising "The" or not.

The case here is the thing, that names of bodies start with "the" and The East Pacific as region, starts with "The" in-game.

However, a good point.

Zukchiva should fix The South Pacific to the South Pacific (afaik, they are very sensitive about the "the" instead of "The", something about legal stuff if I recall correctly) and the North Pacific to The North Pacific. Simply, to be consistent with in-game names of the regions.

[Tinhampton]

What is "the Association"?

The Eastern Association of Ornamentation Traders (aka TEAPOT), TEP's internal cards group - please, again, do clarify this in Draft #2, Zukchiva. (There should also be an apostrophe after "Isles" in that clause.)

the Liberation of South Pacific

The Liberation of South Pacific was authored by Anime Daisuki in 2013, repealed by her puppet a year later, and then submitted - with radically different text, of course - by Lingang in 2017. The liberation of South Pacific has been attempted by many different defenders and defender groups over the years. Spot the difference (also why is "Residents" capitalised in this clause?)

...two separately maintained galleries (with one being hosted in the puppet state of S2 TEP Collector)

Where's the other one?

the East Pacifc’s government

obvious typo is obvious =P

[Comfed]

I have to say I’m surprised that the two most recent SC proposals that aren’t memes or terrible come from TEP, the GCR that prides itself on its memes
Looks pretty good, though I don’t know about including the South Pacific liberation.

[Zukchiva]

The Security Council,
The first could use some rewording and has a weird comma behind "activity". In addition, it is unclear to me what "it" refers to - Atlae or EPSA. Also, please be consistent in capitalising "The" or not. Lastly, the "future Overseeing Officers" could use some clarification.

Alright, tried to fix all this.

but I'm having a hard time realising what "assisting in liberators' military maneuvers" even refers to.

The person I talked too said Atlae helped with triggering and other stuff. Basically helping the forces jump. Even if they failed, it is a good thing IMO to have helped trigger what was a gigantic lib attempt. Not sure how I can reword its help in triggering and etc. to be more clear but I'll think on it.

Re: the failure and not including bit, will respond at bottom of post.

What is "the Association"?

Like Tin said, TEP's card organization. I had included the full name originally but I think Libertanny edited it out, but didn't notice the mention of the "Association". Removed the name in full for now.

I feel like the last sentence could use a rewrite in grammar/wording.

Did my best and incorporated it into the upcoming draft!

A few wording suggestions.

Added in.

Not a bad draft from what I can see, though I must admit I am not wholly convinced they're necessarily commendable. Good luck with this nonetheless.

Thank you! ^-^

---

You don't know what a relief it is to come across a potential SC author who has done their research, asked advice of experienced authors and put together a decent draft. After some of the crap that's been published or talked about in this forum the last few days this is like a drop of rain in the desert.

First impressions are favourable - I'll need to go through it in more detail later, but this looks a tidy effort.

Edit: actually this is the second good first draft in the last few days, Commend Marrabuk being the other.

Thank you! It means a lot and I'm looking forward to your feedback. ^-^

---

I like it. Jo laid out most of the stuff I would have said, and did say a little bit to you via Discord.

Really good first draft, as BBD said, glad to see you doing your research.

Yep- addressed some of your concerns into the draft, some of them I talked w/ you about on Discord.

---

The case here is the thing, that names of bodies start with "the" and The East Pacific as region, starts with "The" in-game.

However, a good point.

Zukchiva should fix The South Pacific to the South Pacific (afaik, they are very sensitive about the "the" instead of "The", something about legal stuff if I recall correctly) and the North Pacific to The North Pacific. Simply, to be consistent with in-game names of the regions.

Alrighty, did what you said.

---

The Eastern Association of Ornamentation Traders (aka TEAPOT), TEP's internal cards group - please, again, do clarify this in Draft #2, Zukchiva. (There should also be an apostrophe after "Isles" in that clause.)

Fixed by removing the name altogether and added the apostrohphe (and an s because the last I heard, you add the s to names even if they end with s!)

The Liberation of South Pacific was authored by Anime Daisuki in 2013, repealed by her puppet a year later, and then submitted - with radically different text, of course - by Lingang in 2017. The liberation of South Pacific has been attempted by many different defenders and defender groups over the years. Spot the difference (also why is "Residents" capitalised in this clause?)

Fixed and specified the year. Interesting o.O Also, Residents uncapitalized!

Where's the other one?

Whoops, found that nation and added it into the next draft~

obvious typo is obvious =P

Obvious typo is now fixed!

---

I have to say I’m surprised that the two most recent SC proposals that aren’t memes or terrible come from TEP, the GCR that prides itself on its memes

When we aren't shitposting, we get work done!

---

Looks pretty good, though I don’t know about including the South Pacific liberation.

The spectacular failure of the whole operation seems to be left out (which, to be fair, I wouldn't want to trumpet loudly either)

You're right in that the SP lib was ultimately a military failure, and therefore is a dubious addition to this resolution. I did feel there may be issues with it.

The reason I ultimately included it (while admittedly glossing over the failure for obvious reasons ) is that even though the attempt failed, it was still a massive undertaking. Whether it succeeded or failed, fact is Atlae helped in gathering one of the largest lib forces ever that was prepared to jump- even if they never got the chance. It takes a lot of work to plan triggering, organize everything, and even temporarily moderate a large server whilst planning an op for such a gigantic force, even with the work spaced across multiple people.

So the main reason I included the lib was because Atlae poured out a lot of work into getting the lib attempt into reality. Especially with Atlae's recruitment- it's possible the lib may have been heavily delayed or not as big as it is without Atlae's work (at least from what I know- the numbers do speak). It is a strong example of Atlae's hardwork, dedication, and perseverance- and the numbers and well-done coordination of the failed lib attempt were (partly) the result of that work.

Obviously, I understand this is controversial and you + others may disagree as the liberation did fail. I agree that it failed. But that's my reasoning behind including it regardless. ^-^

[Pluvie]

Looks like a solid draft so far!! I have some edits though if you don't mind.

Recognizing the work the Atlae Isles as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, where it:

• Revived the Army and created activity, that has not been seen since 2014, via various forms of activity and engagement;
• Led over 30 operations in six months after becoming Overseeing Officer;
• Engaged the Army in countless joint operations with other regional militaries, deepening fruitful relations between The East Pacific and many of its allies such as The South Pacific, the North Pacific, Thaecia, and Europeia;
• Actively trained newcomers to become officers and future Overseeing Officers.

So this clause has a couple things I think could be improved. Firstly, in the first bullet point has should be had as well as the comma after activity and after 2014 which neither should need to be there. I would also maybe change 'created' to 'spurred' or 'generated'.
On the second bullet, I think 'after becoming Overseeing Officer' is unnecessary as it's specified above that this was his work as Overseeing Officer.
And on the third bullet, it reads just a little bit odd, something like 'Actively trained newcomers to become future leaders and officers in the EPSA'. Your choice of course, I just think something like that would flow a little bit better ^-^

Lauding the Atlae Isles’ service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet ([region]South Pacific/region] Liberation Forces) where by recruiting a total of 51 Residents from The East Pacific, keeping liberation infrastructure organized, and assisting in liberators’ military maneuvers, it heavily contributed to the Liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

I can see the reasoning behind including this considering the hard work that was put into it, but I would also say, if there's any other impressive events you could note here, they would probably be better because the SP liberation is known by most as a massive failure afaik.

Applauding the Atlae Isles monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization, where it assisted in founding the Association and helped write its charter, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in the ways of artwork curation, and ultimately played an influential role in forming The East Pacific’s artwork community.

Does the organization have a name? If I remember correctly it does but I could be wrong. I think a name would better help the readability of this if there was one though.

Speaking highly of the nation’s work in curating regional artworks of The East Pacific’s nations into two separately maintained galleries (with one being hosted in the puppet state of S2 TEP Collector), these galleries allowing East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

I'll admit, 'speaking highly of' is not my favorite opening phrase tbh. Other than that, that clause seems okay.

Noticing the nominee’s contributions to The East Pacific as:

• Chief Officer of Justice, where it brought up multiple legal questions to the Conclave for legal clarifications, attempted to bring suspected nations to justice, and otherwise diligently labored to improve and address ambiguity within the region’s laws when at all possible;
• Mentor to present and past Editors of the Eastern Pacific News Service as well as journalist, where it has created high quality articles, helped develop EPNS, and assisted fresh Editors in their tasks;
• Magister for over 2 years, where it tirelessly debated Eastern Pacific law and constantly questioned executive officials and nominees to hold the government accountable, as well as facilitating debate and faithfully maintaining records for future reference as Provost;
• Senior Diplomat of Foreign Affairs, where it pioneered a new structure for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, advised Delegate Libertanny on numerous foreign affairs matters, and ultimately played an instrumental role in forming The East Pacific’s treaty with Thaecia;
• Other various and numerous positions and duties within the East Pacifc’s government, with an intent to revive and rebuild the government after the infamous October 2019 coup.

Before 'journalist' I would include something like 'their work as' because right now that transition is a little bit confusing to me. You might also turn that bit around and begin the bullet with their work as journalist and end it with their mentorship of others.
Fourth bullet point has 'pacific' spelled wrong.

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations and explained to them The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these mentored nations (such as Catiania, Libertanny, Virgolia, and Eastern Alksearia) having become regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance.

I think you could replace 'and explained to them' with 'to' and it would read better and shorter. [/quote]

Other than that stuff (which is admittedly mostly small stuff) it's an awesome draft and I'll look forward to seeing it improve ^-^

[Zukchiva]

Looks like a solid draft so far!! I have some edits though if you don't mind.

All feedback is appreciated!

So this clause has a couple things I think could be improved. Firstly, in the first bullet point has should be had as well as the comma after activity and after 2014 which neither should need to be there. I would also maybe change 'created' to 'spurred' or 'generated'.
On the second bullet, I think 'after becoming Overseeing Officer' is unnecessary as it's specified above that this was his work as Overseeing Officer.
And on the third bullet, it reads just a little bit odd, something like 'Actively trained newcomers to become future leaders and officers in the EPSA'. Your choice of course, I just think something like that would flow a little bit better ^-^

Followed the suggestions here. Following Jo's suggestions, I have reworded the clause, so "has" isn't in the next draft.

I can see the reasoning behind including this considering the hard work that was put into it, but I would also say, if there's any other impressive events you could note here, they would probably be better because the SP liberation is known by most as a massive failure afaik.

Seeing as you're the third person to say this, I'll take this into consideration I've already talked to my co-author to see what we can do- will get back to ya'll on that.

Does the organization have a name? If I remember correctly it does but I could be wrong. I think a name would better help the readability of this if there was one though.

Hm, I was trying to keep character count down, but I guess I'll reverse my decision to fully remove the name and add it back in fully as parenthetical information.

I'll admit, 'speaking highly of' is not my favorite opening phrase tbh. Other than that, that clause seems okay.

Replaced with "Admiring"!

Before 'journalist' I would include something like 'their work as' because right now that transition is a little bit confusing to me. You might also turn that bit around and begin the bullet with their work as journalist and end it with their mentorship of others.
Fourth bullet point has 'pacific' spelled wrong.

Reworded the clause per your suggestion. Spelling error fixed (although it may be the same one Tin mentioned earlier)

I think you could replace 'and explained to them' with 'to' and it would read better and shorter.

Other than that stuff (which is admittedly mostly small stuff) it's an awesome draft and I'll look forward to seeing it improve ^-^

Done! Thank you for your feedback!

(And thank you to Jo, Crow, BBD, Tin, and Comfed for their words and/or feedback!)

[Tinhampton]

All feedback is appreciated!

thanks but I haven't seen you adapt the draft in your OP to reflect any of it

[Zukchiva]

All feedback is appreciated!

thanks but I haven't seen you adapt the draft in your OP to reflect any of it

XD

ye ye I'll bring up the second draft in a few hours

[Zukchiva]

Second draft is up~

SP Lib clause hasn't been changed as I need to talk with Lib and see what we're going to do about it (replace it, keep it, completely reword it, remove it, etc). All other feedback mentioned in this thread should make its way in- if I messed something up or need to fix something, lemme know!

Changed the last sentence to "Believing that The Atlae Isles, through their contributions to The East Pacific and the assistance they've provided to foreign nations and regions, is an exemplary nation that personifies hard work and resilience." per a suggestion from Crow on Discord. Done to reflect that while Atlae has done things outside of TEP, the resolution doesn't explore any heavily regional-based work (government positions, long-term work, etc.) outside of TEP but rather how Atlae gave assistance to other nations & regions.

[Refuge Isle]

Recognizing the work The Atlae Isles as the Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, where the nation:

It's a stylistic choice, and there's nothing technically wrong with this, but it feels abrupt and jarring that we're getting right into a line that feels like it goes in the middle of something. Possibly consider some kind of introductory element before this clause that introduces the nation and what aspects of its characteristics are most resounding.

Led over 30 operations in six months;

By this do you mean updates? You may consider a different statistic here, or framing it in a different way. If your argument is how incredibly active EPSA has been, participating in eight percent of available updates is not particularly remarkable.

Lauding The Atlae Isles’ service as Commander of the Phoenix Flock Fleet (South Pacific liberation forces) in 2020 where by recruiting a total of 51 residents from The East Pacific, keeping liberation infrastructure organized, and assisting in liberators’ military maneuvers, it heavily contributed to the Liberation of South Pacific being one of the largest liberation attempts in modern history.

I love this line's concept; however, "and assisting in liberators’ military maneuvers, it heavily contributed to the Liberation of South Pacific" doesn't make any grammatical sense.

Applauding The Atlae Isles’s monumental work within The East Pacific’s international artwork organization (The Eastern Association of Pacifican Ornamental Traders) where the nominee assisted in founding the Association and helped write its charter, hosted multiple artwork collection events, mentored multiple nations in the ways of artwork curation, and ultimately played an influential role in forming The East Pacific’s artwork community.

Beautiful.

Admiring the nation’s work in curating regional artworks of The East Pacific’s nations into two separately maintained galleries, maintained in the nominee’s puppet states of S1 TEP Collector and S2 TEP Collector. These galleries have allowed East Pacifican nations to easily access the diverse artworks of their regionmates.

I'm not sure that "the nation’s work in curating regional artworks of The East Pacific’s nations" makes much sense as a phrase. I also know what this means, but I wonder if the literal writing of this line is that Atlae organised TEP member's decks

Consider something like "curating the portraitures of nations in the region" or "curating artwork depicting nations which reside in The East Pacific", etc

attempted to bring suspected nations to justice

Seems to imply that he never actually did, though.

Journalist

"Noticing [...] contributions [...] as ... [Chief Officer of Justice]" ✓
"Noticing [...] contributions [...] as ... [Magister]" ✓
"Noticing [...] contributions [...] as ... [Journalist]" There's no definite or indefinite article here so, to clarify, is "Journalist" a title? It just reads strangely given how well the other titles function.

[*]Senior Diplomat of Foreign Affairs, where it pioneered a new structure for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, advised Delegate Libertanny on numerous foreign affairs matters, and ultimately played an instrumental role in forming The East Pacific’s treaty with Thaecia;

[*]Other various and numerous positions and duties within the East Pacific’s government, with an intent to revive and rebuild the government after the infamous October 2019 coup.

I understand that you are scarcely 200 characters away from the character limit, but you might want to cut or rework these lines. I was in TEP's government throughout all of Lib's term and even I don't know what this structure is that Atlae pioneered, what Atlae's roles were in the treaty with Thaecia or what numerous positions Atlae was in to rebuild the government. He was in a lot of departments, nearly as a meme to see how many roles could fit on a single person, sure. But I couldn't speak to his efficacy in any of those roles. If I can't, surely the average SC voter won't be able to either.

I can say that in World Assembly Affairs, I didn't see him debate hardly at all, although he did toss in votes every now and then. Likely because of how stretched thin he was being in every other area. My advice would be, instead of wasting precious proposal characters with vague statements, make specific assertions of where he excelled and what he did to make things happen.

Revering the nominee’s steadfast and consistent mentorship, as it continually introduced new nations to The East Pacific’s regional government and politics, with many of these nations (such as Catiania, Libertanny, Virgolia, and Eastern Alksearia) becoming regional leaders thanks to the nominee’s extensive guidance.

My personal feelings on lines like this is pretty negative, but if all tagged nations here are fine with it, then I won't object. I just have mental trouble with the mentorship angle that resolutions sometimes try to take. This is the same for Commend Roavin, the attempt to commend Altino, etc.

Someone joins my region, we talk for a bit, they ask for advice, they make a post on our RP forum that's pretty A+ quality. I'm not going to turn around and say "We taught this person how to write". No, the region lucked into getting that stellar person and some folks, who were already there, had the privilege to provide tools which let the person do what they were already capable of. People grow on their own. Not holding one's tools and experience out of reach of someone who could benefit from them is not commendable, it is human decency.

On the proposal as a whole, broad support overall. Your writing is well-researched and the work that put it together is admirable.

[Outer Sparta]

You have a really nice draft so far. I also agree that Atlae Isles is a commendable target.

[Zukchiva]

Thank you Refuge for the feedback- I've already begun trying to incorporate some of your feedback in a third draft. It's getting late so I'll respond more in-depth to you tomorrow!

Thank you for the kind words, Outer Sparta! ^-^

[Zukchiva]

It's a stylistic choice, and there's nothing technically wrong with this, but it feels abrupt and jarring that we're getting right into a line that feels like it goes in the middle of something. Possibly consider some kind of introductory element before this clause that introduces the nation and what aspects of its characteristics are most resounding.

Added an introduction!

By this do you mean updates? You may consider a different statistic here, or framing it in a different way. If your argument is how incredibly active EPSA has been, participating in eight percent of available updates is not particularly remarkable.

Deleted it, then. The main argument was that Atlae substantially increased activity from how it was before; 30 is low, though. So I could probably justify the argument without statistics, thinking about it.

I love this line's concept; however, "and assisting in liberators’ military maneuvers, it heavily contributed to the Liberation of South Pacific" doesn't make any grammatical sense.

Fixed, or tried to.

I'm not sure that "the nation’s work in curating regional artworks of The East Pacific’s nations" makes much sense as a phrase. I also know what this means, but I wonder if the literal writing of this line is that Atlae organised TEP member's decks

Consider something like "curating the portraitures of nations in the region" or "curating artwork depicting nations which reside in The East Pacific", etc

Added in the former suggestion, thank you!

Atlae is secretly all TEP nations.

Seems to imply that he never actually did, though.

Reworded it.

There's no definite or indefinite article here so, to clarify, is "Journalist" a title? It just reads strangely given how well the other titles function.

Added a position that is an actual title, so this should be fixed.

I understand that you are scarcely 200 characters away from the character limit, but you might want to cut or rework these lines. I was in TEP's government throughout all of Lib's term and even I don't know what this structure is that Atlae pioneered, what Atlae's roles were in the treaty with Thaecia or what numerous positions Atlae was in to rebuild the government. He was in a lot of departments, nearly as a meme to see how many roles could fit on a single person, sure. But I couldn't speak to his efficacy in any of those roles. If I can't, surely the average SC voter won't be able to either.

I can say that in World Assembly Affairs, I didn't see him debate hardly at all, although he did toss in votes every now and then. Likely because of how stretched thin he was being in every other area. My advice would be, instead of wasting precious proposal characters with vague statements, make specific assertions of where he excelled and what he did to make things happen.

Noted. Deleted the last line, reworked the second-to-last one to be more specific. Removed the "Thaecia treaty bit", because looking further I'll have to verify and see if Atlae did help write the treaty or whether it was written before Atlae became FA leadership.

My personal feelings on lines like this is pretty negative, but if all tagged nations here are fine with it, then I won't object. I just have mental trouble with the mentorship angle that resolutions sometimes try to take. This is the same for Commend Roavin, the attempt to commend Altino, etc.

Someone joins my region, we talk for a bit, they ask for advice, they make a post on our RP forum that's pretty A+ quality. I'm not going to turn around and say "We taught this person how to write". No, the region lucked into getting that stellar person and some folks, who were already there, had the privilege to provide tools which let the person do what they were already capable of. People grow on their own. Not holding one's tools and experience out of reach of someone who could benefit from them is not commendable, it is human decency.

I agree with you in that regard. But Atlae didn't just advise these nations- he actually did teach them about NS as a whole. Encouraged them to get involved as well. Infact, the idea of this resolution came up as a joke when me and Libertanny were talking about how many people Atlae had mentored.

I do get your point though, and again I do agree that giving the people tools to succeed isn't something that should be in a commendation- it should be expected of an average nation. But far as I know, Atlae went beyond that. However, I'll make sure to reach out to these nations and see if they're okay with saying Atlae actually mentored them (I know Libertanny is okay with it for sure, the others I remember saying yes but verification will be a good step).[/quote]

On the proposal as a whole, broad support overall. Your writing is well-researched and the work that put it together is admirable.

Thank you!

Third draft should be up soon.

---

You have a really nice draft so far. I also agree that Atlae Isles is a commendable target.

Thank you! Glad you agree ^-^

[Zukchiva]

Third draft posted.

Incorporated Refuge's feedback and reached out to Jo on Discord to edit the SP lib clause- resulted in a small change to that as well.

Changed the "Missions" to "issues" per advice of Honey on Discord. Missions aren't that creative anymore (issues have been called operations and dossiers already hehe) and I can't really think of anything else. Decided it may be a good idea to default to "issues" so that it's more clear what I'm trying to say there. Issues aren't the main focus of the resolution, so it should be okay IMO.

I am still considering whether the SP lib clause should be included or not. In all honesty I'm leaning towards keeping it but I'll think about it more. I'll talk with the nations in the mentoring clause to make sure they're fine being included there.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

One word of advice - writing a proposal is a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself and others time to read and digest your drafts. Don’t be in too much of a rush - The Atlae Islands aren’t going anywhere.

[Zukchiva]

One word of advice - writing a proposal is a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself and others time to read and digest your drafts. Don’t be in too much of a rush - The Atlae Islands aren’t going anywhere.

Ah yeah, you're right. I planned on sitting on this for around three weeks to a month

But I'll slow down on the drafts- just wanted to make sure I don't leave feedback piling on the backdoor.

[Zukchiva]

I hereby bump this so that I can get more feedback ^0^

[Outer Sparta]

I hereby bump this so that I can get more feedback ^0^

If in a general sense there haven't been replies it's either a good product or that people are still looking at your draft for more nitpicks or whatever. Feel free to submit it at your discretion and if you feel it's ready enough.

[Zukchiva]

I hereby bump this so that I can get more feedback ^0^

If in a general sense there haven't been replies it's either a good product or that people are still looking at your draft for more nitpicks or whatever. Feel free to submit it at your discretion and if you feel it's ready enough.

Yeah, that makes sense. I'll probably still keep this around for a while longer and make sure that I can get as much feedback as possible- even if it's nitpicks!

[ROM]

It seems like a really good draft and a decent nominee - one thing I'd point out is that isn't Atlae still OO? I feel like they still have a lot they have yet to do, so I'm uncertain if now is the best time to be Commending them. Regardless I think I'd support this ^-^

[Zukchiva]

It seems like a really good draft and a decent nominee - one thing I'd point out is that isn't Atlae still OO? I feel like they still have a lot they have yet to do, so I'm uncertain if now is the best time to be Commending them. Regardless I think I'd support this ^-^

Yeah, he's still OO! I understand what you mean, but I'll probably push through anyways as Atlae did give me his consent. If he changes his mind and things it's too soon, ofc I'll gladly stop drafting this!

And thank you! ^0^