NATION

PASSWORD

[Draft] Commend Kyorgia

A chamber dedicated to the dissemination of inter-regional peace and goodwill, via force if necessary.
User avatar
Toerana
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 168
Founded: Nov 27, 2018
Civil Rights Lovefest

[Draft] Commend Kyorgia

Postby Toerana » Mon Feb 22, 2021 2:19 pm

First time writing anything for either branch of the WA, so please bare with me :P
I'm primarily looking for advice/feedback on how to make the proposal read/look better, and naturally whether it's entirely legal or not, but post whatever you want.

This is a mixture of serious/non-serious content with a side of fluff (as every SC proposal seems to have :P)

Feel free to contact me privately if you have an issue with something mentioned in the proposal


(I did it Jamie, are you proud?)

The Security Council,

Recognizing that the nation of Congratulations On Being Featured is a satellite state of Kyorgia, which sees them;
  • Document globally featured regions from 2015 onward, forever preserving their state when featured;
  • Sees constant encouragement supplied by its Foreign Office to governments of small and upcoming regions;

Understanding the dedication of its leadership to the Rejected Realms;
  • Seeing it serve as its Delegation to the World Assembly for a period of 212 days;
    • Solidifying its relationship with The North Pacific, which culminated in the signing of the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties. This saw to further solidify the security of the Rejected Realms by allying itself with a region with a large, robust military power;
    • Overseeing the “Epic Gamer Party,” a joint cultural event between the Rejected Realms and the North Pacific, seeing a week of cultural events and games that member states could participate in;
    • Their stalwart support of The East Pacific during the attempted coup by the leadership of Fedele, ultimately seeing the Rejected Realms Army deploy in support of the legitimate government.
  • Serving as an Officer of Outreach within the Rejected Realms;
    • Their encouragement of Reject culture, hosting events such as "Wisdom of the Crowds," where delegations participated in competitions surrounding Reject Culture;
    • Producing Bulletins alerting World Assembly members to their failure to endorse the regional delegation.

Acknowledging that the former government of Arastaoir currently resides in Kyorgia, seeing their government serve two terms as Stateminister of Balder, serving for a total of 56 days, ensuring stability during transitional periods following the resignation of their predecessors;

Applauding the formation of Kyorgia Puppet Storage;
  • The Headquarters of the Kyosson Organization, which sees representatives from influential states participate in discourse surrounding a variety of important international issues;
  • The Home of the Kyosson Empire, an interregional body that sees the unification of diverse sections of the world under the banner of Kyorgia;
  • As a platform of representatives for a multitude of entities to interact from 25 allies states.

Impressed by the monumental collection of artwork gathered by art connoisseurs in the nation of Kyorgia, A collection valued at over 12,000 Bank, which includes artwork such as;
  • Six copies of "Naughty Slave Girls";
  • Two first edition copies of Testlandia;
  • A small collection of artwork produced by allied "Featured Region Followers."

Inspired by the dedication the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs; including
  • Having a rich military history, seeing their participation in many raider organisations, but later transitioning to become a member state of the Rejected Realms Army, further showing their dedication to the Rejected Realms and its ideals;
  • The foundation of Canterlot, a colourful organisation intent on spreading the colours of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world;
  • Seeing their military participate in the sieges of notable regions, such as Boston, South Pacific and Christmas

Believing that Kyorgia and its leadership is worthy of recognition from the Security Council in the form of a commendation.

Co-authored by Crowheim, Kingdom of Circle of Magi & Visionary Union



The Security Council,

Recognizing the ties between the government of Congratulations On Being Featured and that of Kyorgia;
  • The documentation of globally featured regions from 2015 onward;
  • The constant encouragement supplied by its Foreign Office to governments of small and upcoming regions.
Understanding the dedication of its leadership to the Rejected Realms;
  • Serving as its Delegation to the World Assembly for a period of 212 days;
    • Solidifying its relationship with The North Pacific, which culminated in the signing of the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties;
    • Their stalwart support of The East Pacific during the attempted coup by the leadership of Fedele.
  • Serving as an Officer within the Rejected Realms;
    • Their encouragement of Reject culture, hosting events such as "Wisdom of the Crowds," where delegations participated in competitions surrounding Reject Culture;
    • Producing Bulletins alerting World Assembly members to their failure to endorse the regional delegation.

Acknowledging that the former government of Arastaoir currently resides in Kyorgia, seeing their government serve two terms as Stateminister, serving for a total of 56 days;

Noting that the leader of Kyorgia has created dynastic ties with the leadership of 30+ notable nations across the world, through the formation of the Kyosson Organization;

Applauding the formation of Kyorgia Puppet Storage;
  • The Headquarters of the Kyosson Organization, which sees representatives from influential states participate in discourse surrounding a variety of important international issues;
  • The Home of the Kyosson Empire, and inter regional body that sees the unification of diverse sections of the world under the banner of Kyorgia;
  • As a platform of representatives for a multitude of entities to interact from 25 allies states.

Impressed by the monumental collection of artwork gathered by art connoisseurs in the nation of Kyorgia, A collection valued at over 12,000 Bank;
  • The dedication towards the collection of invaluable art pieces, such as;
    • Six copies of "Naughty Slave Girls";
    • Two first edition copies of Testlandia;
    • A small collection of artwork produced by allied "Featured Region Followers."
  • The maintaining of over 100 companies in allied states to scavenge art work for its collection, providing employment to millions of people.

Inspired by the dedication the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs; including
  • Having a rich military history, formerly being a member of various military organizations such as The Black Hawks, the Roman Empire and Hydra Command;
  • Becoming a member state of the Rejected Realms Army, further showing their dedication to the Rejected Realms and its ideals, seeing their military participate in the sieges of notable regions, such as Boston, South Pacific and Christmas

Believing that Kyorgia and its leadership is worthy of recognition from the Security Council in the form of a commendation.

Co-authored by Crowheim, Kingdom of Circle of Magi & Visionary Union
Last edited by Toerana on Mon Mar 15, 2021 1:29 pm, edited 8 times in total.
"In a world of Trumps, Le Pens and Putins, we are very firmly on exactly the other side."
- Vince Cable -
| Rejected Times Editor-In-Chief |
| Citizen of the Rejected Realms | South Pacific Citizen | Thaecian Senator |
NPO Delenda Est

User avatar
Honeydewistania
Minister
 
Posts: 2760
Founded: Jun 09, 2017
Compulsory Consumerist State

Postby Honeydewistania » Mon Feb 22, 2021 3:32 pm

Needs to include subtle references to Canterlot
she/her
Managing Director of Lazarus and The MT Army Warrior
stuff i wrote
Need me? Click here!
Biggest acheivement: Spelling
Ambassador to the WA: Benji Schubert Hepperle
Assistant to the Ambassador: Rekeil Wrigglesworth II
Official Coffee-fetcher and Masseuse: Jonathan Santos de Oliveira
Wonderess wrote:frankly someone I don’t want to see gain influence in NS and by extension TNP

User avatar
Minskiev
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1347
Founded: Apr 20, 2020
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Minskiev » Mon Feb 22, 2021 3:38 pm

Finally, a good WA resolution. Only took 12 years.

:p
Speaker of the Rejected Realms
Deputy Editor-in-Chief of the Rejected Times



User avatar
HumanSanity
Envoy
 
Posts: 306
Founded: Feb 06, 2011
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby HumanSanity » Mon Feb 22, 2021 3:39 pm

Toerana wrote:This is a mixture of serious/non-serious content with a side of fluff (as every SC proposal seems to have :P)

This is true to some extent, but your draft contains several clauses of blatant fluff that does not recognize commendable actions. One inside joke? Fine. Two thirds of the draft about non-sense? Not fine.

Toerana wrote:Recognizing the ties between the government of Congratulations On Being Featured and that of Kyorgia;
  • The documentation of globally featured regions from 2015 onward;
  • The constant encouragement supplied by its Foreign Office to governments of small and upcoming regions.

I didn't know Kyo did this, it's pretty cool. Maybe use some of the frames from SC#93 to help explain why this is a Commendable thing.

If you mean that Congratulations On Being Featured is Kyo's puppet, you should say this more explicitly (e.g. "Recognizing the good work of Congratulations On Being Featured, which is controlled by the government of Kyoriga") rather than "ties between the government".

Toerana wrote:Understanding the dedication of its leadership to the Rejected Realms;
  • Serving as its Delegation to the World Assembly for a period of 212 days;

During which time they accomplished what? If the actions in the two subsequent bullet points are things done while Kyo was TRR Delegate, that should be explicitly stated.

Toerana wrote:
  • Solidifying its relationship with The North Pacific, which culminated in the signing of the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties;

Why is this important? Given TRR's lack of influence or a ban button and the high piling power of TNP, this treaty (in my mind) is essential to the ongoing security of TRR.

Toerana wrote:
  • Their stalwart support of The East Pacific during the attempted coup by the leadership of Fedele.

  • Many, many governments at the time opposed the Fedele coup. How did Kyo contribute to that effort?

    Toerana wrote:
  • Serving as an Officer within the Rejected Realms;

  • Which Officer position(s)?

    Toerana wrote:
    • Their encouragement of Reject culture, hosting events such as "Wisdom of the Crowds," where delegations participated in competitions surrounding Reject Culture;
    • Producing Bulletins alerting World Assembly members to their failure to endorse the regional delegation.

    Good, more of this.

    Toerana wrote:Acknowledging that the former government of Arastaoir currently resides in Kyorgia, seeing their government serve two terms as Stateminister, serving for a total of 56 days;

    Stateminister of what region? And what did they accomplish?

    Toerana wrote:Noting that the leader of Kyorgia has created dynastic ties with the leadership of 30+ notable nations across the world, through the formation of the Kyosson Organization;

    This is not Commendable. First off, it does not represent work to promote interregional collaboration and good will. Second, NS families are generally considered OOC, and therefore outside the bounds of an IC commendation. Third, it's a meme.

    Toerana wrote:Applauding the formation of Kyorgia Puppet Storage;
    • The Headquarters of the Kyosson Organization, which sees representatives from influential states participate in discourse surrounding a variety of important international issues;
    • The Home of the Kyosson Empire, and inter regional body that sees the unification of diverse sections of the world under the banner of Kyorgia;
    • As a platform of representatives for a multitude of entities to interact from 25 allies states.
    '
    Just a meme, get rid of it.

    Also, if you reallllly want to go this way, please explain why the banner of Kyorgia is a good thing.

    Toerana wrote:Impressed by the monumental collection of artwork gathered by art connoisseurs in the nation of Kyorgia, A collection valued at over 12,000 Bank;
    • The dedication towards the collection of invaluable art pieces, such as;
      • Six copies of "Naughty Slave Girls";
      • Two first edition copies of Testlandia;
      • A small collection of artwork produced by allied "Featured Region Followers."
    • The maintaining of over 100 companies in allied states to scavenge art work for its collection, providing employment to millions of people.

    This collection is not particularly noteworthy and is not something Kyo procured himself, with large chunks being gifted to him for meme value.

    I don't understand what the last bullet point is referring to, so that needs to be fleshed out.

    Toerana wrote:Inspired by the dedication the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs; including
    • Having a rich military history, formerly being a member of various military organizations such as The Black Hawks, the Roman Empire and Hydra Command;

    This is the most blatant Commend for raiding I've seen. You could mention a transition from raiding to defending. You could also just leave out the raiding. But a clause Commending raiding is obviously a "no".

    Toerana wrote:
  • Becoming a member state of the Rejected Realms Army, further showing their dedication to the Rejected Realms and its ideals, seeing their military participate in the sieges of notable regions, such as Boston, South Pacific and Christmas

  • Good, but also many people participated in those sieges. Did Kyorgia have a leadership or operational role to help enhance this clause?

    Needs a lot of work
    HumanSanity
    Legislator of the South Pacific
    Security Council Correspondent for Refugia
    Former Delegate of 10000 Islands and Chief Executive of Renegade Islands Alliance

    User avatar
    Boston Castle
    Envoy
     
    Posts: 329
    Founded: Aug 21, 2020
    Civil Rights Lovefest

    Postby Boston Castle » Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:03 pm

    Just kind of skimmed. Only real note I have now is that the "Acknowledging" clause is entirely superfluous and needs to be cut.
    WA Ambassador: Avi Rosenborg
    About Me-ish
    The Castellian WA Delegation

    Deputy Minister of World Assembly Affairs, The North Pacific
    Views expressed not necessarily those of TNP and her government unless stated othewise.

    User avatar
    Outer Sparta
    Postmaster-General
     
    Posts: 11690
    Founded: Dec 26, 2014
    Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

    Postby Outer Sparta » Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:24 pm

    I would cut out a few of the non-serious parts and a bit of fluff you got. You have a good looking draft for a first-time resolutions writer.
    social democracy, environmental protection, universal healthcare, free college, social equality, LGBT, pro-choice,
    GOP, corporate socialism, Trump, neoconservatism, white supremacy, extreme political views, corruption

    User avatar
    Chingis
    Spokesperson
     
    Posts: 181
    Founded: Apr 04, 2016
    Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

    Postby Chingis » Mon Feb 22, 2021 8:23 pm

    Now this.

    This I can get behind. Needs more Canterlot tho
    Last edited by Chingis on Mon Feb 22, 2021 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

    User avatar
    ROM
    Envoy
     
    Posts: 302
    Founded: Mar 23, 2012
    Iron Fist Consumerists

    Postby ROM » Mon Feb 22, 2021 9:42 pm

    Yeah I'm disappointed there is not any references to Canterlot here, which I was highly looking forward to. Add that and you will have my undying loyalty
    Author of SC Resolution #186 Commend Travelling Region

    User avatar
    Bhang Bhang Duc
    Minister
     
    Posts: 2868
    Founded: Dec 17, 2003
    New York Times Democracy

    Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Tue Feb 23, 2021 5:42 am

    For a first time writer this is quite a reasonable draft. Yes there’s some filler in there and there are items that are never going to be commendable. But it’s legal (as far as I can see), nicely presented and there is a base that can be built on.

    HS has provided a good critique of the draft so I’m not going to comment further at this stage. I’ll wait and see what the next version brings.
    Former Delegate and Guardian of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs

    The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart

    Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

    RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

    User avatar
    Crowheim
    Spokesperson
     
    Posts: 111
    Founded: Aug 16, 2019
    Left-wing Utopia

    Postby Crowheim » Tue Feb 23, 2021 7:08 am

    The Security Council,

    Recognizing that the ties between the government of the nation of Congratulations On Being Featured and that is a satellite state of Kyorgia; and that this nation is responsible for, amongst other things:
    • The documentation of globally featured regions from 2015 onward;
    • The constant encouragement supplied by its Foreign Office to the governments of small and upcoming regions.

    Understanding the dedication of its leadership Kyorgia to the Rejected Realms; including:
    • Serving as its Delegation delegate to the World Assembly for a period of 212 days; during which the nominee:
      • Solidifying Solidified the Rejected Realms' relationship with The North Pacific, which culminated in the signing of the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties;
      • Affirmed their stalwart support of The East Pacific during the attempted coup by the leadership of Fedele.
    • Serving as an Officer the Officer of Outreach within for the Rejected Realms; a tenure during which the nominee:
      • Their encouragement of Greatly encouraged Reject culture, hosting events such as "Wisdom of the Crowds," where delegations participated in competitions surrounding Reject Culture;
      • Producing Oversaw the production of bulletins alerting World Assembly members to their failure to endorse the regional delegation.

    Acknowledging that the former government nation of Arastaoir currently resides in was also controlled byKyorgia, seeing their government serve two terms as Stateminister of Balder, serving for a total of 56 days, during which the nominee passed numerous laws and reforms for the region which they were serving;

    Noting that the leader of Kyorgia has created dynastic ties with the leadership of 30+ notable nations across the world, through the formation of the Kyosson Organization;

    Applauding the formation of Kyorgia Puppet Storage; known internationally as:
    • The Headquarters of the Kyosson Organization, which sees representatives from influential states participate in discourse surrounding a variety of important international issues;
    • The Home of the Kyosson Empire, and inter regional body that sees the unification of diverse sections of the world under the banner of Kyorgia;
    • As a platform of representatives for a multitude of entities to interact from 25 allies states.

    Impressed by the monumental collection of artwork gathered by art connoisseurs in the nation of Kyorgia, a collection valued at over 12,000 Bank; which includes such gems as:
    [*]The dedication towards the collection of invaluable art pieces, such as;
    • Six copies of "Naughty Slave Girls";
    • Two first edition copies of Testlandia;
    • A small collection of artwork produced by allied "Featured Region Followers."
    [*]The maintaining of over 100 companies in allied states to scavenge art work for its collection, providing employment to millions of people.

    Inspired by the dedication the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs; including:
    • Having a rich military history, formerly being a member of various military organizations such as The Black Hawks, the Roman Empire and Hydra Command but ultimately reverting to the cause of defending, showing notable improvement and growth from the nation;
    • Becoming a member state of the Rejected Realms Army, further showing their dedication to the Rejected Realms and its ideals, seeing their military participate in the sieges of notable regions, such as Boston, South Pacific and Christmas

    Believing that Kyorgia and its leadership is worthy of recognition from the Security Council in the form of a commendation.

    Co-authored by Crowheim, Kingdom of Circle of Magi & Visionary Union


    Content aside, here are some edits. Things I'd cut out in strike, things I'd add in bold. Formatting broke a little bit around the list commands but you'll get the drift.
    -
    Chipmunker Kyosson

    I do things for the Rejected Realms. (Views do not represent that of the government unless stated otherwise.)

    User avatar
    Boston Castle
    Envoy
     
    Posts: 329
    Founded: Aug 21, 2020
    Civil Rights Lovefest

    Postby Boston Castle » Tue Feb 23, 2021 8:40 am

    Minus the one thing which needs a space (I forget where, you can probably see it), Crow's right on.
    Last edited by Boston Castle on Tue Feb 23, 2021 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
    WA Ambassador: Avi Rosenborg
    About Me-ish
    The Castellian WA Delegation

    Deputy Minister of World Assembly Affairs, The North Pacific
    Views expressed not necessarily those of TNP and her government unless stated othewise.

    User avatar
    Toerana
    Spokesperson
     
    Posts: 168
    Founded: Nov 27, 2018
    Civil Rights Lovefest

    Postby Toerana » Tue Feb 23, 2021 12:06 pm

    Second Draft is up on in the OP.

    Thanks for the feedback and support so far


    (I added a small Canterlot reference, although not being around @ the time I'm not sure whether it's any good, any thoughts on that would be amazing)
    "In a world of Trumps, Le Pens and Putins, we are very firmly on exactly the other side."
    - Vince Cable -
    | Rejected Times Editor-In-Chief |
    | Citizen of the Rejected Realms | South Pacific Citizen | Thaecian Senator |
    NPO Delenda Est

    User avatar
    Toerana
    Spokesperson
     
    Posts: 168
    Founded: Nov 27, 2018
    Civil Rights Lovefest

    Postby Toerana » Mon Mar 15, 2021 1:26 pm

    Going to bump this for feedback ^

    Any views/thoughts/whatever is always greatly appreciated.
    "In a world of Trumps, Le Pens and Putins, we are very firmly on exactly the other side."
    - Vince Cable -
    | Rejected Times Editor-In-Chief |
    | Citizen of the Rejected Realms | South Pacific Citizen | Thaecian Senator |
    NPO Delenda Est

    User avatar
    Zukchiva
    Attaché
     
    Posts: 98
    Founded: Dec 06, 2017
    Civil Rights Lovefest

    Postby Zukchiva » Tue Mar 16, 2021 3:32 pm

    This was suggested to me in my own on-going draft: put an introductory clause talking about the most distinguished traits of the nominee at the beginning of the resolution. Helps transition into the resolution from the introductory phrase “The SC,”.

    Refrain from using “their”, in my opinion. A nation is one entity so “it” is more appropriate.

    I’d give more nitpicks but I keep looking at Crow’s suggestions and they pretty much fix a lot of the same things I’m noticing. I’d recommend accepting Crow’s suggestions where appropriate.
    My views do not represent those of the East Pacific unless stated otherwise.

    User avatar
    Numero Capitan
    Diplomat
     
    Posts: 529
    Founded: Sep 27, 2007
    Compulsory Consumerist State

    Postby Numero Capitan » Wed Mar 17, 2021 5:27 am

    Who?
    A WORLD POWER:
    Peace through Defence


    Moderators think I'm Erinor, raiders think I'm Ursidae

    00000 A World Power | The South Pacific | Conch Kingdom

    User avatar
    Giovanniland
    Chargé d'Affaires
     
    Posts: 401
    Founded: Aug 10, 2019
    Civil Rights Lovefest

    Postby Giovanniland » Wed Mar 17, 2021 11:23 am

    I think the start of the resolution is rather odd. It lacks an introductory clause that most resolutions have, and the first clause seems oddly placed in my opinion since the resolution is "Commend Kyorgia" but then it starts with "Recognizing that the nation of Congratulations On Being Featured..." — maybe it could be reworded to something like "Recognizing that the government of Kyorgia controls the satellite state of Congratulations On Being Featured..." or moved down the proposal text in order to flow better.

    Another comment I'd make is that some contributions listed there don't seem commendable. The "Kyorgia Puppet Storage" clause is obvious fluff, and the cards-related achievements aren't particularly impressive — card farmers have been commended for much more than collecting a few legendaries and building a small collection, which is confirmed by the text of card-related C/Cs.
    Last edited by Giovanniland on Wed Mar 17, 2021 11:24 am, edited 2 times in total.
    Giovanniland
    Guardian of the West and Minister without Portfolio
    Former Speaker of the Hall of Nations of TWP (x3)
    Trading Card Collector
    Giovannilandian Artwork Ministry - The Collection Collection Thread

    User avatar
    A Bloodred Moon
    Spokesperson
     
    Posts: 170
    Founded: Jan 13, 2019
    Democratic Socialists

    Postby A Bloodred Moon » Thu Mar 18, 2021 2:58 am

    Toerana wrote:The Security Council,

    Recognizing that the nation of Congratulations On Being Featured is a satellite state of Kyorgia, which sees them;
    • Document globally featured regions from 2015 onward, forever preserving their state when featured;
    • Sees constant encouragement supplied by its Foreign Office to governments of small and upcoming regions;

    I am quite possibly misreading this, but to my knowledge (given the first bullet point seems to build on from the sentence above it), the second bullet point now says "which sees them sees constant encouragement..."

    Understanding the dedication of its leadership to the Rejected Realms;
    • Seeing it serve as its Delegation to the World Assembly for a period of 212 days;
      • Solidifying its relationship with The North Pacific, which culminated in the signing of the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties. This saw to further solidify the security of the Rejected Realms by allying itself with a region with a large, robust military power;
      • Overseeing the “Epic Gamer Party,” a joint cultural event between the Rejected Realms and the North Pacific, seeing a week of cultural events and games that member states could participate in;
      • Their stalwart support of The East Pacific during the attempted coup by the leadership of Fedele, ultimately seeing the Rejected Realms Army deploy in support of the legitimate government.
    • Serving as an Officer of Outreach within the Rejected Realms;
      • Their encouragement of Reject culture, hosting events such as "Wisdom of the Crowds," where delegations participated in competitions surrounding Reject Culture;
      • Producing Bulletins alerting World Assembly members to their failure to endorse the regional delegation.

    The Fedele thing doesn't seem particularly noteworthy, given practically everyone opposed it and Kyorgia's role in fighting the coup isn't exactly clarified on, currently only mentioning he happened to be delegate when the Fedele coup occurred.

    Acknowledging that the former government of Arastaoir currently resides in Kyorgia, seeing their government serve two terms as Stateminister of Balder, serving for a total of 56 days, ensuring stability during transitional periods following the resignation of their predecessors;

    Okay, how? What'd he do in that role? How is it commendable?

    Applauding the formation of Kyorgia Puppet Storage;
    • The Headquarters of the Kyosson Organization, which sees representatives from influential states participate in discourse surrounding a variety of important international issues;
    • The Home of the Kyosson Empire, an interregional body that sees the unification of diverse sections of the world under the banner of Kyorgia;
    • As a platform of representatives for a multitude of entities to interact from 25 allies states.

    Not commendable, seems to be fluff. I suggest you cut it entirely.

    Impressed by the monumental collection of artwork gathered by art connoisseurs in the nation of Kyorgia, A collection valued at over 12,000 Bank, which includes artwork such as;
    • Six copies of "Naughty Slave Girls";
    • Two first edition copies of Testlandia;
    • A small collection of artwork produced by allied "Featured Region Followers."

    I will leave it to cards players to figure out if this is impressive or not, but I fail to see how this is necessarily commendable.

    Inspired by the dedication the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs; including
    • Having a rich military history, seeing their participation in many raider organisations, but later transitioning to become a member state of the Rejected Realms Army, further showing their dedication to the Rejected Realms and its ideals;
    • The foundation of Canterlot, a colourful organisation intent on spreading the colours of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world;
    • Seeing their military participate in the sieges of notable regions, such as Boston, South Pacific and Christmas

    The RRA thing could probably use expansion on Kyo's role within it. No comment on Canterlot, though I like the idea of commending someone for founding a tagging organisation.

    Boston - which one? What'd Kyo do? South Pacific I can figure which one, but that was neither successful nor have I heard of Kyo playing a significant role in it.

    You have enough space to make more convincing arguments for commendation, and even more space if you cut the fluff.
    Armaros


    Advertisement

    Remove ads

    Return to Security Council

    Who is online

    Users browsing this forum: Bhang Bhang Duc

    Advertisement

    Remove ads